Style Chat with Style Thoughts by Rita: Unlocking Personal Style

In this episode of the Style POV podcast, Gabriella Arruda interviews Rita from 'Style Thoughts by Rita' to discuss the holistic philosophy of personal style. They explore Rita's 'Style Key' system, emphasizing self-identity, authenticity, and the creative aspects of fashion as tools for empowerment. Topics include the emotional and psychological dimensions of style, practical advice on navigating style changes, and the benefits of a supportive community. Plus we ask some listener questions!

Where you can find Rita:
Style Key 101 PDF

Style Thoughts By Rita Instagram

Rita’s Youtube

Style Thoughts By Rita Website/Services

--Style Cycles Video by Rita

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Ep 14 Full Show Notes and Transcript 

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Transcript

Gabrielle: [00:00:00] Hi everyone.

Gabrielle: I am Gabriella Arruda, host of the Style POV podcast, and I am here to help you learn to trust your fashion instincts, hone your authentic style POV and find strength through style. And today we have a very exciting guest joining us. Rita is a personal style consultant and you can find her on YouTube or Instagram under the name style Thoughts by Rita.

Gabrielle: And of course, we'll have all of her links in the show notes. She's developed an amazing system called The Style Key, and her focus is on a holistic approach to style that allows you to grow as a person and express your truest self. So, we all know that my philosophy in style is to find strength through style, and we definitely relate on a lot of style points.

Gabrielle: So, Rita, welcome, and is there anything you would like to add? 

Rita: I just want to say thank you so much for having me on, I'm so excited, I feel like your approach to style is really sophisticated, and I'm so excited to talk to you about all of the things. 

Gabrielle: I am so excited too, I'm really glad that we can like, have a meeting of the minds, cause we both just Adore style and everything related to [00:01:00] it.

Gabrielle: So today we are going to discuss how we approach authentic personal style building, how style intention is formed and your beautiful style key system and how you use style logic. So let's go like broad and let's start with a very like higher end question of how do you define personal style?

Rita: I love this question. It's really Makes me think, and I was thinking, like, to me, personal style is just the overall how we present ourselves to the world. And I think I based this on some dictionary definition way back when, about that it's really about the way that we are expressing ourselves outwards as a whole.

Rita: And then I think for me, how we're presenting ourselves to the world leads me to a very different style approach than what I see a lot of style advice being about. Because I think that if we're thinking about how we're presenting ourselves to the world, good style can't possibly be [00:02:00] just about.

Rita: Looking really good, like a tasty snack in a photo, so that's why a lot of my work is really focused on thinking about finding a personal style that really shows who you are, makes sense for who you are as a person, and I also think that then when you get this good personal style, when you are actually expressing yourself in the way you want to, the result isn't just, yeah, you look great, which is really nice.

Rita: But the result is also that you feel good about who you are as a person and that you end up moving in the direction you want to be going. So style is really working as a tool for you to be putting yourself out there in the way that you want to be doing.

Gabrielle: Yeah, I find it has, like, a lot of, self identity work, which is, like, not something that people always land on first, because, like, they're usually just, like, how do I dress better?

Gabrielle: And, like, dressing better is such an individual thing. But, like, what is good to someone is not [00:03:00] good to the other person. What is casual to someone is not casual to the other person. So I love that your system really thinks about the intention behind it and, connecting to that, like, internal expression.

Gabrielle: For me, I think personal style has this, expressive quality that there's a knowing of oneself and an ability to communicate it in, this universal language. I think style is so cool because you say so much with it without saying any word. You can go anywhere in the world and your style is communicating.

Gabrielle: something, right? For me, it's all about being intentional with that. Whatever you want to fill your style toolbox with, whatever system or framework that, makes sense in your brain, it's using that as a tool to form something that you feel confident in. You give a painter like a hundred painters this, the same colors of paint, they're going to create a hundred different, unique, beautiful paintings.

Gabrielle: And style is the same way. And I think that, , the personal, style authenticity comes through understanding foundational fashion, and then being able to [00:04:00] bring it into the world of Expression and I think your system teaches people how to do that. So they feel good in their clothes, 

Rita: Yeah, I love that art analogy.

Rita: I think about that a lot About how when people start searching for style advice as you say a lot of times It's like I saw a photo and I didn't like the way I looked or my body's changed and I don't like the way it looks and then you start looking for advice and they kind of Can give you a lot of techniques, right?

Rita: As with the painting. It's a lot of , how do you do this? How do you paint the tree in a satisfying way? Or how do you add shadowing? But then once you learn to paint that tree or how to layer your watercolors, there's still this question of like, but what do you want to be painting? You know, the techniques are not really telling you What type of artist you are, or what's inside your heart that's wanting to come out.

Rita: And I think that's why a lot of style advice [00:05:00] ultimately feels like a little bit unsatisfying for people because they're kind of expecting that this direction, this intention and this artistic vision or personal vision will kind of emerge if they just get good enough at the techniques. 

Rita: I feel like a hundred different paintings was a really good way to put it. 

Gabrielle: Yeah, it's so cool too because, , even if you look at, artists, you look at someone like Picasso, who developed such a unique, style within his art, he started off by learning that foundational techniques, you look at his early work, but then you see the evolution of it.

Gabrielle: One of my favorite paintings by him is, like, the evolutions of the bull, how he, , did a, traditional drawing of a bull. And then he. Try to remove things. And so it's not always about like learning one more style tip or learning one more style system or learning one more piece of advice that is going to help you move from here to here.

Gabrielle: Sometimes it's about stopping and being like, Who am I? And what do I want to communicate to the world? What do I need to take away? What do I need to add so that my [00:06:00] myself is being represented here so that I feel good in my style? 

Rita: We're gonna talk a lot more about this but I want to say even now that for me, when you're talking about the art, what really comes to mind is that even though I really agree with you on style being a way of communicating and expressing.

Rita 4: Mm hmm. 

Rita: I think a big thing I think a lot about is about ourselves as the audience and how we experience ourselves through style and how, you know, when we think of artists, right, you think of Picasso, I will probably think of like Magritte or something. Yeah. That's like very cool because those people are very good at art, but people who paint for themselves.

Rita: at home are just as much artists and are just like art is just as much a part of their life. And I think that's like a nice analogy when it comes to style as well, 

Rita 4: that 

Rita: I don't, I don't know if communication in [00:07:00] style is always the most important part of it. Goal for other people because sometimes it's really like you you are the audience, but I feel like maybe I'm jumping ahead too 

Gabrielle: I think that's a really refined point because here's the thing You think about picasso He's a different artist than a performative artist whose experience is when you watch the piece of art, you're supposed to feel something.

Gabrielle: I come from a fashion design background, so I'm always looking at style and design as like a form and function type of thing, because the clothes, we have to wear them. They have to function on our body. So there's this wonderful construction aspect that I love. But the expression, the artistry comes from putting it all together.

Gabrielle: And as your system emphasizes, everyone feels good with a different approach to that. Am I, am I getting that correctly? Like it's not a one size fit all. And that's sometimes where I think people lose their authenticity is they focus too much on the visuals and not enough about the intention or the feeling or the process [00:08:00] that they're going through.

Rita: Definitely. 

Gabrielle: And I think even the art world, you find so many different artists expressing something. Sometimes it's in the form of an end product. Sometimes it's in a performance where you feel something in your mood. All of these arts are in my mind interrelated.

Gabrielle: And I think that that's when I find authenticity and style it's, and I maybe it's because I'm in the Ruby key, but it's like really about my internal investments and presenting those to the world, finding those connections. So, I mean, how would you, like, talk about authenticity in style then?

Rita: I love that authenticity has become a really big talking point. in the style thing and I think that's a direct consequence of the fact that we have much weakening norms on what is stylish or what's beautiful and there's really an explosion of different aesthetics and an acceptance of the fact that people really have different things [00:09:00] that they need or want.

Rita: And so for me, authenticity is kind of a product of attunement with yourself. So one thing I really talk a lot about in my style work is recognizing what are your unique needs and what really feels good to you. Good style is the one that makes you feel good about the way that you are, right?

Rita: So for some people, they may really love style and they may really love aesthetics. And what feels really, really nice for them to wear are clothes that are very understated. And then they maybe have some sort of an interesting detail or a nice fabric or craftsmanship or something, but they are not showy or complicated in any way.

Rita: And I think a really big part of, for me, for style is really learning how to notice what are those things that matter to me. What is it that makes me feel really good and then giving yourself [00:10:00] full permission to really move in that direction and kind of disconnect from the ideas about what you're supposed to be doing and, what other people are doing and what works for them, because the truth is, you know, we're just all such completely unique, beautiful human beings.

Rita: And I think that means we all have our own needs and our own gifts, which is a really big part of the way I see style. 

Gabrielle: Talk more about gifts, like how do you think people can express or embrace their unique gifts with their personal style? 

Rita: Yeah, I love that question because I feel like a lot of people instinctively shy away from seeing themselves as somebody that has some sort of a unique gift, but I have never met a person who That doesn't have multiple, like beautiful gifts to share with the world.

Rita: It's just that from the inside can feel a little bit like we take those things for granted, or we don't just always appreciate them [00:11:00] fully. But I think most people, the way I think you can work with your gifts through style without any style system or anything complicated is just to think of like, what is the first thing that comes to mind that you do think is really nice.

Rita: about you. then being very literal on , how can I as a person actually express this with style is a really great way to practice. As in general with authenticity, I think people get tripped up on this idea that to be authentic with my style or to really express and cultivate my gifts, I really need this like full on knowledge of myself and I need to like, I have seized my gifts, I have like peaked in developing them, you know, like I'm wearing that like crown, but you know, you don't need to kind of get to the destination before you can start doing it.

Rita: I feel like it's like just taking really that very first. Very small step is always really powerful, especially if it feels a little, a little bit [00:12:00] small and trusting also that you're allowed to identify like your gift for what it is. Like, for example, like one thing I like, I talk about this all the time, but I think like I'm a very, just like over the top person.

Rita: Very intense in very many dimensions at the same time. And, you know, there's also like the, I guess the shadow side, if we want to say of that, where that's something I work with as a person to learn how can I embody this in a good way. And no matter how I embody it, like there'll just always be people who are like, Not interested, but it's my job to just be like, Oh, but this is a beautiful thing about me.

Rita: It's like really fun that I have so much energy, enthusiasm, intensity and depth. And then I can celebrate those things with my. Very over the top visual style just to like lean into being who I am because that's like my strength. My strength is not subtlety and it will never be so why hide away from that.

Gabrielle: I think that's like fantastic and I love your style. Now a follow up [00:13:00] question do you think that people struggle with embracing their gifts or feel like they need a permission slip to kind of embrace them? Because sometimes I feel certain style systems are a permission slip for them to feel okay about saying, okay, yes, I can do this style now because I know there's a reason why.

Gabrielle: Is that helpful? Hurtful? What are your thoughts?

Rita: I think that as people, we do really rely on others for encouragement and support. 

Gabrielle: Yeah. 

Rita: And I think sometimes framing it in the sense of permission is really, really empowering because it is just that's a word people use a lot with me and my client sessions. They're like, Oh, I just really needed this permission and they're not getting it from me.

Rita: They're actually, getting it from themselves. And just by talking through the fact that they want it, they're like, wow, I never knew. I just wanted this permission for myself. 

Rita: Feel like for a lot of people, that's a really powerful word because it [00:14:00] really gets at the issue, which is our perceived restriction, right?

Rita: Yeah. I think as people, we do perceive a lot of times restriction from being allowed to be the way that we are. Because it's inconvenient to other people, or it's not popular, or, there's like a billion reasons why we feel like we're just not allowed to be the way that we are. And I think, seeking for, you know, That encouragement and that opening is really, really helpful.

Rita: The struggle sometimes with this, as I say, with systems or with a style consultant or with a friend or anybody, , you have to realize that the permission is never actually coming from the system. Like it's always coming from like inside the house, you know? 

Rita 4: Yeah. So if you've 

Rita: been [00:15:00] really wanting to wear bright colors and it really helps you, you know, To pay money to somebody who's going to tell you like, you look great in bright colors.

Rita: That's beautiful. Like, I don't think that's anything to think like, Oh, why do I need that? It's like, well, you just do that's okay. Because that's how it worked for you. But for other people, it could just be like, I don't care if I'm not this season. Those colors make me really happy and I feel that permission just coming from me, I think it's a bit about like finding like again, what's that mechanism that's gonna give you the thing you want 

Gabrielle: Yeah, I think that's like an amazing point because the the way we approach style Sometimes we need more permission that comes from ourselves and confirmation to have us know that we feel Okay, about pursuing this path.

Gabrielle: Now, I know that some people struggle with it. And I've seen this in my Facebook group where they ask for feedback and they get like consistent feedback from other people. But it doesn't resonate with them. They're like, you're definitely this. This is what you [00:16:00] are. But it doesn't reflect how they feel about themselves.

Gabrielle: Like how should someone approach that experience? When does it tip into like, this is helpful or is this noise in my head?

Rita: Here's the thing. I think a lot of times for a lot of people, people really see what you're showing them. And for a lot of people, people cannot see what you're not showing them until you show it to them. And suddenly they're like, Oh my god, you know, yeah, like, You this aesthetic is so good for you, but they just like they're really unable to perceive the potential of you or your desires or your truest self.

Rita 4: I 

Rita: think that there is always a danger to asking people to assess. What you should be doing or what you ought to be doing. That doesn't mean you should never ask people. I just think that we [00:17:00] are really willing to take. Restrictions from other people for some reason really strongly into account, like if you ask 10 people and they say, you look trash in those colors will be like, yeah, I guess that's true forever.

Rita: And I never doubt that. But if the same 10 people were like, Oh, you can probably wear whatever color you want. It's very likely you will like keep searching for that person that will tell you like where the limits are. 

Rita 4: Agree. 

Rita: I don't know why that is, but it's very just human behavior that I have noticed.

Rita: I do think we have to be really careful about when other people impose limits on us. But it doesn't mean you shouldn't ask people for advice. When I hear about stories like this, I think the best thing you can ask yourself if you're getting advice you really hate, is just to be like, why does this upset me so much?

Rita 4: Yeah, 

Rita: , so like if I've people are telling you like, Oh, you're a soft summer and you should wear these colors. If it's upsetting you so much because you're like these colors emotionally are really repulsive to me and it's like almost magnetic push away where [00:18:00] I'm like, this is so disjointed from who I am.

Rita: I mean, the really beautiful information there is that like you have a really strong negative reaction to those colors, whether or not those are like your best colors. Why would you ever need to force yourself to? put those things on your body if there's a very strong negative response, even if like you're in color resistance.

Rita: I hear this like resistance term. . It's like, why is your resistance bad thing? Why is the path always to have to force yourself into it? I think for me, as I said good style is really helping you feel good about who you are, helping you go where you want to go.

Rita: And I think most of the time that goes through like embracing the things that feel good for us and building more on them rather than on okay, well, people like said this. So this is my fate, I guess, you know, that's tragic. That doesn't feel empowering to me. 

Gabrielle: I think that when people get new style input that they didn't necessarily expect, they found out they're [00:19:00] a soft summer and they're like, whoa, and that like color resistance.

Gabrielle: , I think there's always a good reflection period needed with any new input because it's like changing how you view yourself. And sometimes it can lead to like great, positive, new change. And other times it can be like, no, that's But you need like a little bit of time to experiment. It's like the first time you try a new food and you're like, I didn't like that recipe.

Gabrielle: But like, Ooh, when you add this in, like all of a sudden this is starting to like suit my palate. But at the end of the day, you're in charge of, choices you make for your style, right? A stylist, an analyst, anything, they're not there to decide what you put on your body every day, where you build an outfit, what you feel good in.

Gabrielle: So how would you suggest someone approaches new style input, whether they're excited about it or like a little bit scared of it? What do you think helps them get from like this messy middle to finding some style data that's like, okay, yeah, I can see the potential? Because, style is so cool because there's so much possibility.

Gabrielle: There's [00:20:00] always a new possibility for your style every day, every outfit. It's kind of low stakes in the day to day basis. We're not like, oh my god, this outfit wasn't my best. Like, my life is over. It's just, no, it's okay. You know, like, next day, try again.

Gabrielle: Play with it. Explore. So, new style input. What's your process? 

Rita: Yeah, first of all, I just want to say I love the point with the timing, right? And I think that's such a good way to articulate it. As I said, thinking about why does this upset me so much? I think a lot of times when we get new style input, it's just upsetting because change can often feel difficult.

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: You know, so if you're really attached to seeing yourself in One specific way or if you feel like you've worked really hard to get your style to a place where it's good And then suddenly people tell you no, it's bad 

Rita 3: Yeah, that's 

Rita: just like really frustrating because it's asking you to really shift your perspective and shifting your [00:21:00] perspective is very challenging For human beings,

Rita: oh, yeah. And I, like, I think it is true that there's just no really obvious answer about, Oh, is this change going to be good or bad for me in the long run? 

Rita 4: Mm hmm.

Rita: I think that the best thing to do is that, like, if you're feeling like you're in a very.

Rita: Vulnerable place. I just think it is best not to really take too much guidance from the outside world, because a lot of times like vulnerability comes from this feeling of not trusting ourselves, you know? It's not only that you don't trust yourself, but a lot of times people then are very critical about their appearance, how they look.

Rita: It's very easy to drift into this thing where you Perceive yourself to have all these flaws. You perceive so many problems with your style and yourself. And if you're reaching out to get style advice from that perspective, honestly, it's like whether the style advice is good or not, the problem really is more how you're feeling about yourself, how you're talking to yourself and how you're approaching style.

Rita: So it's like the [00:22:00] advice can't really solve it for you. But in terms of moving through the messy middle, like for most people, I call this delicate essence, but I think it's true for all people to some extent. I just think like anytime you do something new, right. It's kind of like this wave of activation of like, your brain is just like, Oh my God.

Rita: Like me in a new shape, me in a new color, like, like, what is this? Right. And it's just that disruption where you can't really tell if it's a yes or no for you. You just can tell it's different. 

Rita 4: Yeah. So 

Rita: I always tell people like when you're experimenting with something new, it's good to just like give yourself a lot of really small scale exposures to that new thing 

Rita 4: to 

Rita: give your body and your brain and your heart a chance to kind of feel settle down.

Rita: And then once the reaction has passed, then you can judge like, okay, but do I actually like this thing or not? But it does require some self knowledge [00:23:00] of knowing, am I kind of drawing conclusions from a stressful place? 

Gabrielle: Yeah. 

Rita: Because those conclusions Are not going to be your best ones. Yeah, you know, I Better to just relax into 

Gabrielle: it.

Gabrielle: I think that something that can help is like, kind of knowing your baseline. And knowing your personality. Where is your style here today? How are you making those choices? Because even With color analysis, sometimes you go through the process, you find the colors and then the analyst will put like a crazy lipstick on you in your color and like I can see the person's face and they're like, Oh, like what did you just do to me?

Gabrielle: The baseline for that new input is so far from where they're at, they're used to seeing their face and their body and their vibe in this space. in this one way. And this new input is completely changing it. So you kind of have to like risk assess. How much of a risk taker are you?

Gabrielle: Are you the type of person who gets new information and you're like, yes, I'm ready to buy the whole new [00:24:00] wardrobe. I'm ready to make this evolutionary change for my style. I'm ready to go to here to here. I'm diving off the cliff. Or are you the cautious driver? Who's like, wait, Let me have a plan. Let me set things up.

Gabrielle: , so understanding your personality and how you like to make decisions can really help you form how you take that new input and kind of the intention behind it would you say that ties into how people use the style key or how they use kind of the logic of your system?

Rita: It definitely ties into the style key I was thinking while you're talking about that for me the style key is very much a system about how we make style decisions.

Rita: I really liked your recent podcast on the why. And it made me think so much about how like, you know, a lot of my style is work is on the how, like, how do we know when something is good? 

Rita 4: How 

Rita: do we decide things? How do we pick things out? And so I think in it, like what you're saying makes so much sense, right?

Rita: About knowing how much change, how [00:25:00] cautious, how risky you are as a person. But I also think like learning about your step process and like, what do you need To really assess whether something works for you or not. , I think some people are naturally a lot more like outfit based stressors and in my system, this is especially linked to more like up essence.

Rita: It doesn't always have to be, but like, for example, you just trying on like a new blazer or something for a person that has a really whole look perspective. It's like, well, you might like it. You might not until you see the whole. thing together and understand what the effect is going to be. It's like you don't really have the information you need in order to actually make the decision.

Rita: And I know this is like very advanced stuff and it can feel like a bit stressful for people to feel like don't oh like I need to know all this stuff. But like for colors for example it's like if you are a person that has a very distinct signature aesthetic then for you just seeing like yourself in a new [00:26:00] color It's like, okay, that's one thing.

Rita: And you can say like, Oh, I'm excited to see more of this. But until you see like a full on outfit in your aesthetic, that's interpreted through that new color lens, you can't really emotionally connect with , is this thing working for me or not? Because it's just kind of like that one. piece of the puzzle, you know, whereas obviously if you are a person who really likes to see your style as this kind of like more disparate collection of like mix and match type elements, then for you, you can immediately tell like, Oh, do I like this lipstick or not?

Rita: Because I could just, I could put it on with my t shirt or I could not. It's way easier to see just like the possibilities and opportunities. So I definitely like a lot of the key is about learning. What is your process and how do you put together outfits? How do you make decisions?

Rita: How do you decide if an outfit needs to be improved or whether it's good enough? And I think, yeah, that's very much something that really helps people try out new things if you get to learn about what your [00:27:00] process is. 

Gabrielle: I know. I think that's so important because, you know, there's so much style information that we're Consuming in our realm our fashion world is so expansive and it's so wonderful to see inspirations But sometimes it can be like information overload well we have too many things coming at us and you said something really interesting when you said lens because sometimes I think that When we use style systems like we try to see ourselves Through the lens of that creator.

Gabrielle: You put a lens on like the kibby lens and like if I'm a flamboyant natural, like how do I see myself as free spirit chic? And it's like this kind of like. Circle that's like honing you in to make you try to find those connections. It's like, where do I see myself? And then you kind of almost reverse engineer it because you're like, well, this could be free spirit cheek or this could be free spirit, you know?

Gabrielle: It's like we put on these lenses to try to see ourselves differently. But what I like about your system , is, you're not telling people what the archetype they have to be or what system they have to be. You're more [00:28:00] presenting it as , see yourself. And I think that's so empowering to see yourself and to know yourself.

Gabrielle: Would you say that's accurate or? 

Rita: Yeah, absolutely. I think that the in this talk here, I have this just for people who are. Not familiar with it fully. I have this idea that you have a personal energetic presence. That's your essence. And the idea in this style key is that you align your essence with your self presentation.

Rita: So in my example, I gave earlier, right, I have this extravagant essence. I align it with my very extravagant styling and that you do this alignment of essence with visual aesthetic through what I call a style logic, which is this process of how do you make style decisions. And what I love about like the system itself is that you get the result or you don't.

Rita: It's like this process, this way of seeing yourself either makes you feel [00:29:00] good. You're excited. You can take these steps and you notice that it's easier to pick out outfits and you feel more confident. Or over time, you're like, you know, I tried this and it gave me something, but there was this important piece of me missing.

Rita: It's a tool that you can really use to not only improve your style, but also then to improve your understanding of yourself and to be like, well, what are those most important parts of me? They really need to come out, right? Because we can't kind of be showing every single part of ourselves, every single dimension of who we are through style.

Rita: Like that's really hard and unnecessary, I think. 

Gabrielle: So you can either talk about this in your experience or using your system, but how would you say someone should personally invest in their style? So that they feel valued in their style and that they feel those connections.

Gabrielle: How does it connect to the broader scope of one's life?

Rita: The best way for me to answer this is to talk about my [00:30:00] concept on the style logic. I think for every person is that style and my favorite analogy that style is really like this battery. 

Rita 3: that kind 

Rita: of charges you up and powers you up, right? So when style is going good, you have the energy, the ability to do what it is you want, right?

Rita: And to live life the way you want it to. And the difference for people is that how style gives us that charge, how that battery works is different for all different people. And of course, Like we are all beautiful individuals, but in the style key framework, the idea is that there's four kind of major ways that style really helps you feel that powered up, right?

Rita: So for example, Gabrielle, you mentioned that you like the Ruby key for yourself. And there, my idea is that it's style for feeling yourself. So You think about like, what are really important parts of me? And style is a way to [00:31:00] feel physically, emotionally, spiritually, mentally connected to those aspects of yourself.

Rita: Right? So if you're a creative person, you really want to make sure that you have consistent elements in your style that feel creative to you. And that may not be something that's. Impressive to other people and how creative you are, or it might not be something other people like but the goal is just for it to be giving you that experience that you need.

Rita 4: And 

Rita: so the style logic really helps you. Yeah. Asking yourself those questions. I'm like, well, what is really important inside of me? What I like, these really big themes that matter and how for me personally, can I connect with those themes through style? 

Gabrielle: Mm hmm. Would you say asking yourself, , a style why would be very important to someone, like, in, in the ruby key or, or not? Digging into, like, why is this important to me? Why do I value this? Like, what does this piece mean to me?

Gabrielle: mean to [00:32:00] me in my expression or point of view? Like there's a point of view aspect, right?

Rita: I think for all people, the really the key to good style is to set intentions. 

Rita 4: I think 

Rita: that when we don't really know much about style, like just normal style knowledge, most of the intentions that we pick up are to look skinny, to look trendy, 

Rita 4: Mm hmm.

Rita: Or to like impress people. Right. So it's just to directly gather like compliments or approval from the people around us. And I think for most people, who doesn't want to look like super hot and get compliments like nothing's wrong with that. But I think like for most people, There are a lot of other desires that would be more rewarding for them for example, for a lot of people having fun or being creative or like feeling good in your body, it's just like worth a lot more to you than, getting a compliment or looking good in a [00:33:00] photo.

Rita: So like just in terms of like the returns you get. on the effort you're making. I think like setting the intention for everybody is really, really important. And it does require, a lot of this introspection. As you say, these why questions on like, well, what do I want here? How am I going to style myself?

Rita: Why is this thing working for me? Or why isn't it working? A lot of big questions we're asking ourselves all the time, that's why I love style because it's so deep. 

Gabrielle: , I love that it's so customizable. I love that we each find our own kind of like inner point of view, which leads me to like, style can be a journey.

Gabrielle: I'd like to emphasize this a lot. And when I was in fashion design school, you know, like my biggest school was definitely to get the compliment. It was , how can I get people to be , that's such a cool outfit. And it was like, there's like hedonic treadmills. I was like, I got to get something better now.

Gabrielle: Like they've already seen this. This is like, now I have to do something bigger and better. If you're still kind of in the zone where you're using it as [00:34:00] like style armor or kind of as like a protective layer. How do you think you move from that phase to get to more of finding your style key or using your style logic so that you understand this is the reward that I'm seeking?

Gabrielle: Because it's, it's so hard, sometimes we do operate For others, we do seek the approval in the comment section or they're like, that looks so great or like cool outfit, you know? 

Rita: The difficult answer I have to say is that I think we really need to Learn to ask ourselves, like, is this working well for me?

Rita: Right? So I think using style as armor and using other people's opinion as a way to orient yourself is actually really, really helpful for some people. Like for a lot of people, I think thinking about like, well, am I being received the way I want to, am I being seen the way I want to? For a lot of people that actually really helps [00:35:00] them make style choices that are authentic To who they are.

Rita: And that's like, what's confusing, right? Because then I hear a lot of style advice. It's like, oh, forget what other people think and just wear whatever you want. But for some people, what they want is like not, they don't know what they want. Clear to them. Yeah. Yeah. And it's not, but it's like, that's just thinking about like, well, what do I wanna wear?

Rita: Isn't the best way for them to end up in the outfit they want to be wearing? Does that make sense? 

Gabrielle: Yeah, no, it does, because it's like, they aren't sure what they want to wear. You ask them, what do you want to wear? And they're like, well, I don't know. Like, then what? Right? 

Rita: Yeah. I think that the thing is that we all have different paths to what is genuinely authentic and enjoyable to us.

Rita: I can give a personal example. So in my system, I would use the write up style logic. So I often think about, right, what is my situation? And then I really think about what is the kind of the energetic contribution I want my style [00:36:00] to make. And I really think about how can I, connect with people and how can I really be received in a very specific way, right?

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: So for this interview, for example, I just think, well, of course, I mostly just want to represent who I am as a person, because that's the topic we're talking about. So I'm going to wear something that's very magical, mystical, and something that's like very extra, because I feel those are the things that really define me.

Rita: Feeling confident in showing up in that way, really unapologetically, you know, that's kind of my message as a style person. So then I Choose the clothes that really suit that message. And that's how I land on something that's like authentic to me. But I land on that by thinking about like, well, what do I want people to see?

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: Will they connect with my message when I wear that? Whereas thinking about what about me feels important. But it's just that process. Doesn't help me pick things out when I'm standing in my closet. It really is about like the lens through which we view our style choices is just very different.

Rita: And I think the way you know that you're using the right lens is [00:37:00] that it feels like easy and straightforward. Think for a lot of people, style feels really difficult, right? So as you say, , you may feel out of pressure well, I impressed these people, so I need to keep impressing them.

Rita: And it can feel like stressful I'm getting those compliments. The compliments are really not landing. And I'm feeling insecure. I'm feeling unsure. I'm not having fun. Right. 

Rita 4: Yeah. So 

Rita: it's kind of like, it does require kind of quite sophisticated monitoring of your inner state.

Rita: But I think it starts with a very basic premise that it's supposed to feel relatively simple and it's supposed to make you feel good. And yeah, of course there's like a learning process and it's not so simple, but it's like, you shouldn't need to work on your style approach for like months before you start feeling good about it.

Gabrielle: That's a long time, right? 

Rita: Yeah. It shouldn't be that hard. You might not be making the best outfits for yourself. Like objectively, you might really feel like, Oh . I could look [00:38:00] better, right? I could have way cuter things, but like you should start feeling really good about what you're wearing very quickly if you're on the path that's authentic to you.

Rita: And so ultimately, it does require a lot of courage to trust your inner feedback and be like my needs are the ones that matter and my emotions are the ones that I'm attuned to.

Gabrielle: Yeah, for sure. I think that style is kind of, and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this too, but I kind of think of style as a journey. And it's not just like you move from A to B, because it kind of circles and repeats, you know, as you move to new stages in your life, you may want to be perceived differently.

Gabrielle: Your lifestyle needs may have changed. There's all these variables that impact your style and how it works. So how do you approach getting over style slumps or moving past a messy middle phase like what's your time frame for that? What do you think helps people do that? 

Rita: So we [00:39:00] can maybe also link this video in the show notes I have my own kind of model for what I call a style cycle and I totally agree with you I think that style is really nonlinear just because we're always moving through the different stages.

Rita 4: Yeah. And 

Rita: I think that we can like roughly break up the style cycle into four stages. And a lot of times the realization that you're in a style slump comes from what I call the inside stage. And the inside stage is always about like awakening to the fact that something doesn't work anymore. And it could be because Your body changed.

Rita: It could be because your lifestyle changed. It could also just be that you've changed as a person and suddenly things don't work as well as they used to. And I think that's like a, for a lot of people, that's not a, you know, you wake up and you're like, this sucks. 

Rita 3: It's 

Rita: more like of a gradual thing where.

Rita: You know, style is not the top priority for most people. So it takes a while to kind of the message to come through. And then suddenly you're like, well, wait a second. These last three months, I've really not been feeling that pretty. I haven't been [00:40:00] feeling confident. I've been feeling a bit critical.

Rita: I'm shopping too much or I'm never buying anything. Right. So you kind of catch these signs on. what's going on. And I think the important part in the inside phase is to think about okay, so what's going on, right? Like what has changed? Because it's not like everything you've ever done with style before that goes in the trash, right?

Gabrielle: No, no, 

Rita: no. But it is this like realization something really isn't working. .

Rita: So timeframe. On the inside, I think for most people is like a couple of months. That's what I see. It can take longer if you're like really busy, but it just takes time to stay there and look at what's going on and really observe what's making you unhappy. And then from the inside stage, I think most people Should move into the exploration stage.

Rita: And I think most people really avoid that stage. That is what you say is like the messy middle. I think the goal with that stage is to take that insight of like, what's wrong. And then use yourself as a [00:41:00] scientific experiment, right? Do you think about what are some different ways I could counter this?

Rita: Like, if I'm feeling really bored. Could I try more colors? Could I try going to places where I need to dress up more? Can I try upgrading my gym clothes? Like, it's like, could I just set challenges for myself? Could I wear the same things, but I share them on social media. So I feel more connected. Like there's, you know, it's like such a mystery.

Rita: What are your new needs? 

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: So you really need to take some time to give yourself different options. And as we talked about earlier, for most people change is spooky. So you have to really go slow with that stage. I think for most people, you start pressuring yourself, right? You're like, okay, I need to figure this out.

Rita: Like, let's go. Like, 

Rita 3: yeah, 

Rita: it is totally like, it makes sense, right? Especially if you like styling, you feel like I've been doing this for so long. Why am I confused again? Yeah. I always recommend for people like three to six months at least for exploration phase and just to like really make it clear that that's a time for [00:42:00] observing and trying and keeping the pressure low and giving yourself permission to make mistakes and then see where it leads.

Gabrielle: Yeah, I think that's,, an amazing point because, , we do have cycles and our feelings about ourself and, where we, where we are in life, you know, and our happiness and our excitement, they all impact how we see ourselves. So, when you're in the messy middle, it can be,, a self fulfilling prophecy, too.

Gabrielle: You hate everything because you're not feeling yourself. You hate everything because you just can't see yourself without the lens of everything else in your world. It becomes difficult to kind of find the wins, which is, I think, why people just need to give themselves some grace. If you're feeling great about your style, You don't need to learn a billion new style tips allow yourself to enjoy these wins, like, embrace that you put out an outfit, you loved how you looked, you felt good in it, it gave you everything that you wanted to get out of that experience.

Gabrielle: Do you have any tips for people who are just [00:43:00] starting out on their style? Style journey and they've kind of maybe tried the traditional fruit body systems or those style tips of like how to like look slender or skinny. Like how do people start making that shift from, I wanna dress better to, I want an authentic style expression.

Rita: I think what's important for people when you're getting started is to kind of not get lost in the deep waters, you know? 

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: Because you can say like, okay, I wanna go beyond just a shallow, this is look cute in a photo. Mm-Hmm. . And I want it to be me. But the danger is, yeah, then you're like, but what is me?

Rita: Like, here's my 25 page paper because we're all so complex, you know? So that's why I think practicing just the idea of intentionality itself is the thing I would recommend. So I would just say pick one thing you think is nice about yourself and dress in a way that highlights that, right? So again, if you like that, you are a creative person.

Rita: Just setting the intention that I want to explore what [00:44:00] creativity means for me in style . I'm allowing myself to think in those terms, right? 

Rita: And giving yourself the permission to kind of just go in the direction of that theme. I think that you have to learn to, as you said, like really have grace with yourself.

Rita: Understand that like using an intention and setting an intention with your style is a skill and it's a process and it requires patience and it's going to require building up. So you want to kind of make it really easy for yourself at first and be really, really gentle with yourself.

Gabrielle: Now, you mentioned in the beginning of the episode we were talking about, like, gifts. Do you think that, like, exploring what , you give the world or your innate gifts or how you are valuable to yourself or to others or however you process it, could that be a good way to kind of start?

Gabrielle: Because, like, you're, you're setting an intention that feels deeply personal and you're deeply connected with. What are your thoughts? 

Rita: Yeah, I mean, I love that because my greatest love in the [00:45:00] world, of course, is people celebrating their unique gifts. And I think also, if it's not obvious to you what the gift is, I do think their, like, style systems can be inspirational or style icons, right?

Rita: So if you just look at somebody And you're just like, Oh, this person, they like embody something I think I embody or I would like to embody, you know, you can just like, take that as a theme. Because as I said, like, if you haven't really been seeing yourself as a person that has gifts and you haven't practiced really expressing them with style, you can feel like very like big, bold claim to be like, I am like this, these are my gifts.

Rita: But it's like, you have to just trust that like, maybe your gifts aren't even obvious to you. Like maybe they're a bit latent and most of us need to develop our gifts and show them. And, it's okay if you feel like tentative about it so it's kind of like use any tool you can to help you claim it. And then worst case scenario, you're like, Oh, no, this isn't really me. And then you just try something else. But then at least you have gone through this process and you're like, Oh, [00:46:00] it's not that I am not allowed to embody like this type of person or energy.

Rita: It's that I actually don't. enjoy it. So that's why I don't want to do it. 

Gabrielle: Yeah, definitely. I wonder if there would be any benefit to asking people you love or who love you, you know, hopefully they're the same that what your gifts are, because I think it's hard to see ourselves sometime.

Gabrielle: And our baseline for understanding ourself is like, well, I'm just so normal, , I just exist, you know, but other people really see the magic in you, 

Rita: My controversial spicy idea is that I actually think most people think they're like really weird.

Rita: That's why one of my like cutesy taglines is like, you know, you're weird. Let's celebrate it. Yeah. I think a really good place to start with your gift. What do you think is so weird or so annoying about you? Because that's probably where the thing is.

Rita: So a lot of people they think talking about like personal energy and essence. It's so like crazy and whack and me with all like my mystical magical ideas is like so weird. 

Rita: So you can look at the thing you're embarrassed about and then think about well, what's the [00:47:00] flip side of that. How could that be kind of nice? And then it's like bonus. Cause then you get to use style as a bit of a healing process. Right. And I know I use this like extravagant example for myself, but the flip side of that, right, is also some people are really, really delicate where they're really easily overwhelmed with style.

Rita: And you can feel like this is an embarrassing thing about me. Right. You look at people on Pinterest and you're like, look at their style. It's so bold. It's so cool. And so expressive. I could never wear that. Right. And you're really shaming yourself for being this person. person who's like not enough and you're so basic, whatever.

Rita: But really what the gift of that is, you just have a amazing ability to probably enhance things visually. So for people who feel like they're easily overwhelmed, it's probably because things show up on you really boldly. You know what I mean? 

Rita 3: Like 

Rita: if I just wear.

Rita: A little chain, it just kind of disappears, but then I have like, you know, a whole outfit around it. But for some people, like I've talked to so many people, they're like, I just put on a coat of mascara and people are like, Oh my God, wow. You know? So it's like your gift is, I mean, in that case that it's like, you're able to really make things like pop.

Rita: It's [00:48:00] like you have this energetic, like megaphone that just like blows things up. And that's a really cool thing too. Right thinking about what do you think is like, Bad, embarrassing, undesirable, lame, weird, crazy about you. It's always like a really fun place to start with the gift and it's.

Rita: Pretty accessible because most people have like a very diverse catalog of their faults and the ways in which they're like undesirable and weird. 

Gabrielle: I think it's cool to like take those kind of like traditional faults or those things that we see as like off the beaten path or weird about ourselves and be able to show the world those things and turn it into a strength instead like something that we embrace because it's this unique aspect to ourselves.

Gabrielle: And then it's kinda cool too because once you share it with the world You usually find like minded people. So you're like I don't feel as alone. Your unique of course, but then you see these other people who see the world similarly to you. How would you say finding, a like minded community or a [00:49:00] community of style lovers that, follow the same kind of system or approach is necessary, helpful, unimportant, or depends?

Rita: I think connection, is just, like, a basic human need. And I think for a lot of people, Connecting with people who share your principles is really helpful. There's a subreddit for my style system. And I know that people there really enjoy it. And I've had clients bring it up to say that like actually seeing people talking about why they chose something and why it works for them really helped it click that different things 

Rita: work for different people because they could see an outfit and they could be like, wow I really would never want to wear that but I really understand Yeah, like why this is great for you If you're feeling limited in some way in your style I think like finding a supportive style community is definitely going to be really nice or even following some people, right?

Rita: Like so that could be really good if you [00:50:00] feel like you've been really stuck in this idea that you have to dress to highlight how tiny your waist is can be really nice to find some influencers who wear clothes that have an emphasis on the things you personally care about. So maybe they wear like more experimental styles or maybe they wear more softer fits that's just like their aesthetic.

Rita: So I feel like looking to people that offer The flavor of style advice you want is really, really important. And then just being like careful with yourself. Like what else are you getting there? Because no community is ever going to be tailored to you 100%. You're always going to have to like leave some things and take, you know, what works.

Rita: But sometimes we're not really in a place where we can do that. So I think balancing out like what are you getting that you want versus what are you getting that you don't want from this group of people. It's a really important thing to keep in mind. 

Gabrielle: And kind of trying to understand how it's affecting your self reflection and how you feel about [00:51:00] yourself after you're part of the group.

Gabrielle: If you are part of a great group like your Reddit forum, as you mentioned that really helps you see the beauty in everyone. And it's not a strict guidelines or gatekeeping experience, then it allows you to feel like you're part of something, which I think is fantastic.

Gabrielle: Would you mind talking about how, either you personally or in general, consuming style content and fashion content when is it helpful, how do you approach style content or consumption habits of media?

Rita: You really ask the best questions. This is such a good thing for people to reflect on. I think for me personally, I like to follow a lot of different types of style creators because I'm always looking for kind of new data points for myself, right? I follow an account for a while and I'm really interested in like, what do they say about why they're putting things together?

Rita: How are they showing up? Like, what can I glean from them? Because I'm always like trying to kind of study the [00:52:00] patterns and expand my understanding further. But I separate that from like, for me as an individual person, like what really, really works for me when I want to take a new direction in style or just get some new things.

Rita: I love to browse through like literally every brand and I want to look at 10, 000 pictures of things. And then after I've seen my 10, 000 pictures, then I just know what I'm looking for is a jacquard. Blazer in like a light, soft color, this is the thing, or like, I'm looking for like a maxi dress with an open neckline and goddess vibes.

Rita: And it's like, just my brain really processes that very well. The core of my message that I think it really is about like learning, well, like what has been working for you. I had a client recently and she was like this one time. What I did was I went out and I just looked at like people and when I saw somebody who I really vibed with I just wrote down what they were wearing.

Rita: And then there was like five [00:53:00] things I noticed that I bought those things and I wore those things and I was so happy. But you know, That's so lame. And I was like, why fix something that's not broken? Like not only is it not broken, but it's like literally worked for you.

Rita: We have to really be honest with ourselves again,

Rita: like you can always negatively load whatever your style process is, but it's like at the end of the day, it either works for you or it doesn't like, is it enjoyable? Is it easy? Does it feel good? You know, that's, that's really it. If you feel like you need to be making mood boards and you're on Pinterest, but you don't like mood boards, you don't like Pinterest.

Rita: And then you just end up like being really critical and hating your closet. It's like, that's not working for you. Just stop. Like you don't need to, , as you said, so beautifully, like style is so customizable. It's like literally a billion ways you could do it.

Rita: Don't do stuff that makes you feel bad. You will find things that at least make you feel less bad. And then eventually you will land on the things that work [00:54:00] really good for you. So the best thing is just to have awareness and let yourself not do this stuff. you don't need to scroll Instagram to keep up with the trends.

Gabrielle: I think it's a lot about, kind of pulling a thread and trying to see, , what am I uncovering here? Is this giving me something? Is this something new?

Gabrielle: Because even if you find, okay, I hate doing this, or I love doing this, those are both, like, valuable data points. Those can both help shape how you approach outfit building. Like you said with your client, she found something that works. We don't need to reinvent that wheel then, like, let's pull the thread and see what can we do more of this, how can we take it to the next level, how can we enjoy that fashion win and embrace that, moment of time where this felt good, that's an amazing experience.

Gabrielle: It's interesting because I like to look at style as kind of like an experiment, where you're like testing hypotheses, and you're finding patterns of things that you like, and you're pulling it all together in a way that makes, makes logical sense to you, and whether you feel good in it, whether you get the reward that you want, that's all very individualized but I think that sometimes we [00:55:00] equate it with, 

Gabrielle: this system worked so well for them I'm not getting those results, so there's something wrong with me, like, I'm doing it wrong because I'm not having those results. Then you deep dive into a rabbit hole of content consumption where you're like, the next video is just gonna, it's gonna give me the answer.

Gabrielle: I know it. I know it. So it's right around the corner, right? And you get so consumed with information and you lack any application. Do you think people need to step back and start to reflect on their own instincts more? Or do you think that sometimes it's okay to say, my fashion journey needs to be on a pause or, be okay with where you're at in the moment.

Gabrielle: Because we always try to look forward, like, where's the end line, where's the finish? And that's why I say don't focus too much on the what's. Focus on the why's or the how's, because those what's start the journey. They do not end the journey, 

Rita: I think we just have to be really honest, even if this is like an uncomfortable thing to say, and just like acknowledge that for a lot of [00:56:00] content creators, you follow formulas, which Lead to success and a lot of what leads to success is making people feel very insecure.

Rita 4: Yeah 

Rita: I don't think those people are like bad people, but there's a lot of style content that is really focused on activating this feeling of shame, fear, and doubt. And it's really phrased in this way, like, did you know, like you actually look like this? Garbage, like stop looking like garbage today by following these 20 tips.

Rita: I know it sounds so hyperbolic when I'm saying it, but it's like, The messaging is not far from that. 

Gabrielle: No, 

Rita: it's just like dressed up in a little bit more of like a polite veneer.

Gabrielle: Sometimes. 

Rita: If we don't like look at that and then a lot of influencers, they're specifically trying to do is to really make you feel bad about what you've got because that's what gets them to click on the links. It's just psychology, 

Rita: and there's lots of really, really nice influencers, a lot of really nice teachers out there. I don't at all want to. [00:57:00] Say like, everybody's content is so bad, except mine. That's not like what I'm trying to say, if a person is not really celebrating who they are, they cannot teach you How to celebrate who you are, how to feel good about yourself.

Rita: So I think it's like, you really have to be protective over yourself and thinking about like, how is this style advice being delivered to me? If you don't trust your instincts for many reasons, because like, for example, if nobody ever taught you how to be stylish, like, how would you know?

Rita: So it's very normal that you start looking for advice. 

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: But then if you get like overwhelmed in this feeling, like, well, I know nothing and I just need to like, keep learning and learning. Give yourself some slack

Rita: I think you always need this time to like integrate it and make it your own, 

Gabrielle: I think style slumps or like style dissatisfaction usually happens when we get some new style input because it's like, we're comparing what we know the possibility of our style to where we're style [00:58:00] is right now.

Gabrielle: And we're like, but it could be here, but it's not yet. So like, you got to give yourself some grace to get from here, where it's at. to the possibility. That's the beauty of it. There's always new possibility, but you can't expect it to be overnight. It's not like you learn something about yourself and the next day, bam, every outfit is a win. It's like you take one step forward, two steps back, and You just have to kind of progress through it, building on that knowledge and understanding that this is an investment in yourself.

Gabrielle: This is an investment of what you want to present to the world. We're not trying to get to the finish line and we have the what's in it, and it's all just wrapped up in a neat little bow. It's, it's an art project. And like, you know, like you're chipping away at a statue trying to uncover what's next.

Gabrielle: You don't want to just take a sledgehammer and knock the thing apart. You're chipping away and trying to find the best you. , before I get into some listener questions, is there anything else like you'd like to add or say, or like any [00:59:00] messages that you want to communicate?

Rita: Think like the main theme of what I've talked about and of my work really is to see style as a tool and to really be asking yourself, like, what am I? Getting out of this and putting yourself in the center and reminding yourself that it's supposed to be doing something for you.

Rita: It's not like you who are supposed to be looking a certain way to like, please some invisible person who is like going to give you a report card on how like sexy and trendy and cool you look ultimately it is all about who you are, what you want. And I think, anytime you're feeling a bit like lost and confused from that, it's always just good to recenter that perspective and to take back the control.

Gabrielle: Yeah, because they're your gifts, like, we get to decide how and when you share them with the world and, and how you present them. I think that's amazing. Okay. So before we had, we started this [01:00:00] interview, I asked some people in my Facebook group if they had any questions for you, they were all super excited that you were joining.

Gabrielle: So, someone asked, How would you develop your style without any traditional style systems? Do you think they're necessary for the creative process?

Rita: Style systems just are systematized explanations and they never reflect any ultimate goal. Law of the universe, because ultimately there is no law on how colors or shapes or silhouettes or anything can be grouped together. 

Rita 4: Yeah. 

Rita: So I don't think anybody ever needs style systems. I think the best way to interact with style systems is to figure out, what do I want help around?

Rita: And then looking at, what are the tools out there? What are the systems that can help me learn about this? And making sure you're approaching it from that place of like, I'm trying to learn info for myself. 

Gabrielle: Yeah, I like to look at them as, tools. Like, you take what you need, and you leave the rest.

Gabrielle: If you're satisfied with your style, I don't think you need to add another [01:01:00] system. Like, enjoy your wins. Enjoy the process. Let yourself breathe in what you're doing. If you need an answer to a new style hurdle or a style slump, then, then start to integrate back into that.

Gabrielle: But I think it's also okay to step away, and And just play or explore or have fun or embrace that creative artist aspect. Sometimes the best outfits come when you just throw the, rules out the window, you know? 

Rita: Yeah, I think the thing is for a lot of people, like, taking what you want and leaving the rest doesn't really work because, take something on and it's, like, really hard for you to shake it off, it can be, like, really counterproductive.

Rita: I mean, obviously, I would meet a lot of people for whom other style systems haven't worked, right? So just the name of the game, but having met so many of those people, I do know that it can just be like really rough because if you spend two months reading on some Kibbe forum from then on, like, you're so worried about like breaking a vertical, even though like literally nobody cares and you don't even care.

Rita: So, I [01:02:00] don't know. I think we have to be very, very careful, and I think it's good to have, like, detox procedures in place also. 

Gabrielle: Yeah, definitely. Do you think that people are best suited to limit how many, style systems or tools they're using? Or do you think it depends on the personality?

Gabrielle: Like, where some people can, you know, Take what they need and other people are like, no, I'm going to obsess now about my kibbe image identity 

Rita: I think some people just really vibe with having a lot of guidelines. And that's just how their brain works. And that's going back to the whole system of the style logic.

Rita: I think it's just We all have a different process for our decision making. It's like, what is this like puzzle that our brain likes to solve? I mean, I've had clients where they had some sort of a system where they got like measured and they were like told like exactly how long the sleeves should be based on the shape of the sleeve.

Rita: And for that person that like worked super well and it helped them like make really authentic outfits, you know? .

Rita: And then also if you're a person who like doesn't want to hear anything about any system, that also doesn't mean you're some sort of like [01:03:00] uneducated rube who needs to get educated on like the seasons or whatever. We have to respect that the process is going to work differently for other people.

Rita: We do have to try out the systems to find out if they are for us or not. As you say, like when you have a problem to solve, I think that's. When you head into it, rather than like, just, I'll try out all of these things and then see where it lands, I feel like that is less often successful.

Gabrielle: Yeah, I think there needs to be some strategy, too, on how many systems you're integrating at once, because then you can't even tell which one's really working. You know, like it ends up getting so messy that you're like, okay, but this worked, but I used this from this system, that from this system, this from this, how do I repeat that again?

Gabrielle: So sometimes I feel you need to hone your experiment a little bit. There need to be some like experimentation boundaries that you're setting of, I want to improve this one aspect of my style. Like if I can get this one pillar of my style situated, then maybe [01:04:00] Moving on to the next, I can enjoy that win, and then moving on to the next one won't be so crazy.

Gabrielle: But like, style has so many variables. We have texture, we have color, we have feeling, we have expression, we have aesthetics, and they all have to play together. So, yeah, I totally agree with you. There was another reader question that said, Well, how would you integrate medical devices, mobility aids or something like orthopedic shoes in an authentic way?

Gabrielle: Like, what would your approach be for someone who is trying to do that? 

Rita: I have clients who have all types of Physical needs and requirements and my answer is just to not let these things kind of put you into this state where like you can't have what you want, right? So it's like, I think it's good to figure out like, what is really the non negotiable so orthopedic shoes.

Rita: Come in an extremely wide variety of styles. If you need barefoot shoes or you need some sort of special shoe shape for like foot inserts, then it's like you should start with [01:05:00] that because that's like the most fiddly bit of the outfit. But I think like giving yourself a lot of time and taking it seriously and being like, okay, these are the types of shoes I need.

Rita: I'm going to give myself a lot of time and effort to find, like, one new pair here that's going to really suit my overall aesthetic direction rather than just like Grabbing whatever and being like, yeah, I guess this is what it has to be so finding something that does Feel and look like it's more special to even if it takes more time or costs more money I think it's really worth it.

Rita: But then I think also from there just like building your outfit and just You Kind of trusting that it all falls into place because sometimes people get like overly self conscious that like oh something just like doesn't look perfect in this look but like people they're not taking a picture of you and analyzing they're just like vibing with you as a person and probably your shoes look like Really great.

Rita: I don't want to say like, let's just get over it. No, no. But it is like, it is about kind of getting over it and learning to just like, accept that this is not a hurdle to you being [01:06:00] stylish or beautiful.

Rita: It's kind of like simple, but not easy. 

Gabrielle: Yeah. I think it's about like respecting yourself and your body. And if it's something that your body needs then you should give it to your body. Your body does a lot for you. Like give your body what you need. There's always a way if you're patient to find the style solution.

Gabrielle: You just have to know how you also want to integrate it. Is it going to be something you highlight? Is it going to be something you draw attention to? Is it going to be something that's a lesser focal point of your outfit? You know, like, you have to decide those choices on you, but you have to give your body what you need, first and foremost.

Gabrielle: I totally agree. There was another question that said, how you like to dress or wanted to dress as a As a child versus your style now Do you think it's come full circle or has your authentic style evolved completely away from how you used to be at different ages?

Rita: I mean, when you're a kid, your parents stress you, I think. And also I think when you're a kid, a lot of people have a lot of like constraints, right? Most [01:07:00] people have just way more money and like way more choices when they're older than when they're kids.

Rita: . On the other hand, I do think, you know, for a lot of people, the things that you were drawn to as a child hold a lot of answers. You know, it's like the TS Eliot, you know, the end of our exploring is going to be to arrive where we started.

Rita: Met the place for the first time, you know? So it's like, I think that's very nice. There is something really healing about honoring the things that we liked before other people told us that they're unlikable. So it can be like super healing, and I love that. 

Gabrielle: Was there a moment that you felt like your personal style really felt in your control?

Gabrielle: Like an age where you were like, okay, this feels like me.

Rita: Probably when I was in college, that was like the first time maybe I could,, buy more of the things I wanted but I really had a lot of really pretty, like, Summer dresses and stuff personally when I was a kid and I love pretty summer [01:08:00] dresses now 

Rita 4: Yeah, 

Rita: and I did like weirdly super overdressed Even when I was in high school when I look back at some photos, I'm like, why am I wearing like a white blazer?

Rita: I'm 14. Like what like what's going on here? There's definitely been a lot of consistency, me personally, but there's also been a lot of evolution, you know, so. 

Gabrielle: Yeah. I think that we all evolve during different periods and we all have different juncture points where it starts to click.

Gabrielle: You know, like when I was little, I loved like bold outfits. My parents gave me a lot of freedom. You know, and I was just like, how can I be the most extra like child in the world? And I loved like frills 

Gabrielle: And, you know, I actually feel like I really lost myself in college because I was very much performing for others. I was on this, hedonic treadmill of style compliment. Give me the, like, all the praise. Sometimes you come full circle, sometimes you evolve, and you feel like you leave things in the past where they should be because you've gone to a better place, but it all compounds.

Gabrielle: Like, all of those [01:09:00] experiments, all of that knowledge gives you something new to think about but we don't want to forget where we come from because that got us to where we are today.

Gabrielle: And we should celebrate that and find those gifts. Next question. How do you both like to search for actual clothes? Do you like to have a plan in mind go through stuff at the store? Has your style changed as you've put style systems out there for the public?

Gabrielle: As if there was ever a, should I embody what I'm talking about versus I'm going to wear this because it's cool and comfy to me, which I think speaks a lot to your system.

Rita: I find it very, very hard to analyze myself. And I think that's like very universally true, but it's truly shocking to me how difficult it is to analyze myself versus it is to analyze other people. So for me kind of putting my style system out there and formulating it and eventually being like, Oh, and this is where I am in it has really given me a lot of insights.

Rita: So , I created the device first, And then I [01:10:00] just applied it because yeah it's less about like, I should embody what I'm talking about. And more well, , this is the advice I have.

Rita: It was like wild to me how, how effective it was. So, , I really shop in complete outfits. That's one of the things is I really need to see how things come together. I will look at like 10, 000 things online. I will come up with like some pieces that stand out to me.

Rita: I will get those pieces and I will see whether they fit and if they feel nice on my body or not. And then from there, I will just like complete the outfit piece by piece. And then once it's done. Done, whatever things I have or if I need to buy something new. And then once I see it all together, I'm like, do I like this or no?

Rita 4: And 

Rita: I kind of use my style logic. And I think about, yeah, like, where am I going to wear this? What's the overall vibe and message? Like, you know, is this helpful? Do I like this? Because I really, really do not like trying to like come up with new outfits on the spot.

Rita: I get huge decision fatigue. I am second guessing myself. [01:11:00] I don't like to tweak things very much. Like I wear different jewelry or something, but I love to repeat outfits. And part of the thing, definitely with my style system, telling almost 800 women, like, you know, that, you know, you have your own process.

Rita: You should like work with it. It really helped me like. Let go of any hangups I had about my process. Cause , I wear really bold outfits and I repeat them all the time. And I actually don't think I have anybody in my life who I see doing that, but I just, I'm like, well, this is my thing. And they have their thing.

Rita: Exactly. 

Gabrielle: There's beauty in like each of your own processes. My process has changed a little bit because, you know, when I first started this process, I was very much about asking for feedback and going through it together. And I realized that, like, the onslaught of comments and, and feedback I was getting was overwhelming me.

Gabrielle: I was like, oh my goodness, This is affecting, , my mental relationship with clothes. , and I realize, like, I want to share my experiences. I want to be open with my style wins or my style hurdles or what I'm [01:12:00] gaining from something. But I also need to make sure that Feels true to myself, like, that's what I need to prioritize, it can't be a feedback loop of everyone telling me constantly their thoughts on this, I think you're this, I think you're this, I, I was like, oh my god, like, how, how off do I see myself, like, it, it gave me, like, a little bit of, like, cognitive dissonance of, like, who am I?

Gabrielle: So I've shifted how I use style systems and how I put them out in the public to just be more like, I have to have it feel good to me, like, I have to feel like what I'm telling people is, like, authentic to me, and then I feel like I can stand behind that business choice, that content creation choice, which is why I've pivoted away from certain pieces of, like, information and why I've, you know, gone down different rabbit holes to try to find how to communicate what I think is important and, and how we can all kind of find that message of find strength through style or find the style logic behind our choices.

Gabrielle: And, you know, for me, searching for [01:13:00] actual clothes, I have always loved styling. I've always loved designing. In my head I can like think of like five different possibilities and kind of like shuffle them.

Gabrielle: It's like, it's, it's very easy for my brain to be like this and this and that wouldn't work here. And, I've learned that when I shop, I like to use my imagination. I like pattern recognition and I like systems, but I also like that just creative energy of where can I take this?

Gabrielle: Like, how could I make this work for this? And that's like kind of the basis of design, you know, you take an outfit and then you kind of croaky it out and you see like, what can I change here? What can I do here? Step forward, step back. Is this good? I wouldn't say that shopping for actual clothes has changed much, but I'm more intentional with things and I think I've learned to connect better internally to the shopping experience. You know, I am less influenced by other people saying, Oh, I like that dress I don't fall into those kind of little traps for me as, as often as I used to, because again, I'm really internalizing the process more. Okay. [01:14:00] Any other thoughts or any questions or anything you'd like to say? 

Rita: I think it's hard when people are giving you a lot of like input on what you should be doing.

Rita: I think it's really takes a lot of,, courage maybe, to kind of say no, thank you, I'm gonna really find a way to share my style journey with you while still really making it my own and it sounds like you really have the style process that's built around that. 

Rita: I think that's really, really cool. 

Gabrielle: I that's so kind of you to say. I have so much respect for the way you show up in the world and what you teach. And I think that like, that's kind of a valuable lesson that we could all learn is like, it's okay to say no, thank you. 

Gabrielle: , because by saying no, thank you, you're like opening up the door for the things that you love that belong in your style and that, you know, show the world who you are and so you can show up and feel like your best self.

Rita: Yeah, I mean, I have definitely learned something from seeing myself as like a summer or from White Natural and Kibbe or something, I don't really [01:15:00] love. labels, I find it hard to relate to them in a way that empowers me. . So I've just been like I'm not gonna actively use this as a tool.

Rita: And that has been really liberating. I think it's like saying no, it's really a big part of style in general, like no to trends, no to people's input, no to your own like negative self talk. It's like, You gotta protect your peace and create a joyful place for your self expression. And that's why it's like so connected, right?

Rita: To just growing as a person and like standing in your power. And I really love that about personal style. Like exactly what you said earlier about how like on a day to day level, it's so low stakes, right? Like literally doesn't matter. Yeah. What you wear, nobody really cares, but in like a bigger perspective, if you've been 

Rita: doing something with style that feels good. It's like you will feel such a boost and you will really [01:16:00] feel that energy flowing. And I think that's just like amazing. That style really is like magic in that way that it has that super power. 

Gabrielle: It is magic. It is so liberating and enchanting and customizable.

Gabrielle: Like it's such a cool concept. Like we get to exist in the world and. Paint our own portrait or, create our own sculpture and present to the world who we are or who we want to become or what we enjoy. Like there's such a personal aspect to that. And I think that's being able to say no to something is an incredible skill to have.

Gabrielle: And also I do think it gets easier with age. Like I think the more I've grown up, the more I've been like, it's okay to say that's not for me, but I'm not going to yuck on anyone else's yum. But like, You know, find your own joy and strength. Okay. I want to make sure that everyone knows where they can find you.

Gabrielle: If you want to talk about your system or anything that you think the audience would benefit [01:17:00] from knowing about you, go right ahead. 

Rita: Yeah, so I would invite you to visit my website, stylethoughtsbyrita. com. You can also, yeah, look at my YouTube, look at my Instagram.

Rita: If you're interested in the concept of this, like, holistic perspective, the style keys, I have this free written overview on my website, because I have a lot of videos, but it can be easy to just grab this PDF, and it's . Very clear and very beginner friendly. So if you're interested in my work and you want to get started somewhere like that's where I would recommend and you can get that on my website.

Gabrielle: Okay, great. And all of those things will be in the show notes. And I just want to thank you so much, Rita. This has been like such illuminating and. expansive conversation. And I just so enjoy what you're putting out into the world. And I think that you're really helping a lot of people find their voice.

Gabrielle: And that's incredible. 

Rita: Thank you so much. And thank you for having me. And like, likewise, I really love what you do in the style space. And I so much. hear a lot of really positive things [01:18:00] about what you do. And yeah, it was just really, really nice to connect and talk about these topics with such depth and nuance.

Gabrielle: Thank you so much. And I hope to have you back or do another video partnership sometime in the future.