Episode 4: I Am Enough- Taryn Neves

In this episode I  talk with the one and only @tarynneves about her story including not feeling good enough, always working hard and shutting down emotions, discovering her purpose, struggles with infertility, overcoming, and the creation of her life-changing group Gentle Warrior.  Taryn is Truly an 8th Wonder! 

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Transcript

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In the darkness, I found my light. In the broken, I found my fight. Through the struggles, I learned to soar. I rose above and I wanted more. I am the eighth wonder. Standing tall, I won't be torn asunder. I've healed the wounds I've overcome. I am the eighth wonder. The strongest one. Hello, and welcome to the 8th Wonder Podcast, inspiring you to be proud of where you're at, one story at a time. I'm your host, Ashley. Let's get started. Welcome to episode four. We have the one and only Taryn Nevis. She is my coach, my mentor, my friend, my sister, all the things, and I just adore her and I'm so excited for her to be here. So say hi, Taryn. Hi, thanks for having me. Of course. I'm so excited. I just kind of want to start wherever, like in your childhood, and tell your story. We'll just have a little conversation and all the things you've learned. I know. It's like, oh, that's so many different directions we could go. It's so true. I'm just going to trust you and let you go whatever direction you feel. All right, let's do it. born in California, but raised in Utah most of my life, seemingly normal home. LDS home. Uh, we were very religious. I have an older brother, a little brother, a little sister, and then my parents were still married. I was the second oldest and just as a kid learned really early on that I needed to be quiet and perfect and not cause any issues. In order to receive love. My older brother was a challenge for my parents. He still is. Um, and bless his heart, you know, here's this little two year old, and then all of a sudden he's got this little sister that comes in and is whatever reckoned his life, right? but I learned, I think from him and my mother that. I just needed to be seen and not heard, you know, I, from a young age made sure everybody was happy around me. And as I progressed into, a teenager and a young adult, I just managed. everything that was going on emotionally in the house, right? Like if my parents were fighting, I was in the middle of it making sure everybody was heard, or I was who they talked to about their problems, right? That's so much for a child. Yeah. Oh, I can just like feel how heavy that is. It was a, it was a lot, right? And my older brother, who I have a very good relationship with now, but. I think it was just challenging for him, like I said, to have a little sister. And so I even remember, it's actually so funny to think of, he is two years older than me. So when I went into junior high, which is 7th grade here in Utah, so it's 9th where I went to school, right? And so I went into 7th grade and he was in 9th grade. And if I walked down the same hall as him, I would get beat up at home later that day. Are you serious? Yeah. Which is like really sad but also kind of funny, you know, later on in life. You can't even walk down the street. I like could not. I had to like know where his classes were or else I was gonna get beat up, like, I was gonna get yelled at, so, yeah. Add that to your plate of like worry. You're like literally have this list of things you're, as a child, you're worried about. That's so hard. Yeah. So just, yeah. I took a lot on and became a people pleaser and became a perfectionist. I never felt like I was good enough, which is a super common thing, you know, and I just, Became a very closed off, non emotional, armored up woman. Yeah. In my young adult life. Yeah. Because of that. So, how did that play out, like, when you met Jeremy? Oh, Christ. Jeremy and I are both very type A personalities. Like, we are passionate people. I was working three jobs and going to college, and I didn't live at home, but I actually met Jeremy at church. I had gone home for sacrament meeting, um, on Christmas Sunday and Jeremy was there with his family and our parents were in the same ward. And so I saw him there and that's how I met him. But At the time, obviously because of being a people pleaser, I actually took being a people pleaser a little bit of an opposite direction than I think most women do. Like, I was so direct with what I expected of people. And because I was so hard on myself, I was really hard on others. And so I had a hard time connecting to a lot of people. but because of that, I was also very successful in everything that I was doing, right? I was dancing professionally, doing well in school, getting, I mean, I remember, gosh, it was my Freshman year of college and I performed a solo with the seniors for dance because I just like knew how to get things done. You worked really hard. I worked my butt off. Yeah. Right. and so then bringing Jeremy who was a successful entrepreneur at the time, we hit it off because we both just understood like drive and like getting things done. And we were both these type a passionate people about what we did. And so a lot of really good traits and that's what kind of, Attracted us to each other until we got married. he proposed and we got married and I think after the first week of marriage, it went like South real quick. I can totally relate. I have a feeling I know that actually, but, yeah, it was just, and you know what, it's so sad to even think about, I remember getting married And the advice that I would get, did you ever do that? Like at a bachelorette party, it was like, give the friend your best advice, right? The advice I would get was like, you only have a year to train him. Oh, did you ever get any advice like that? I was like, train him to put the toilet seat down. Like you have to train your husband to like, be a good husband within the first 12 months of marriage. So like. All about control. All about control. And I believed it. Yeah. Because that's the, I genuinely, like, that's a lot of the advice that I got. Oh yeah. I believe that. You gotta, like, teach this man how to treat you, like, all these, all these things. And so I did. And coming from my childhood that was very controlling, I was like, Oh yeah, this makes total sense. You know? Yeah. It fit in perfectly. Yeah. So bless his little heart. Jeremy actually. I would get so mad when he would leave the toilet seat up. So he got a piece of lime green duct tape and would put it underneath the toilet seat to like teach him how to put it down. Oh, so he learned and he still puts it down and I'm so grateful, but point being is that I was so controlling about the stupidest shit, you know? But you didn't know any better. You were doing the best you could. I was doing the best that I could. And, and he had his own stuff, right? that he was bringing to the table, but we fought stop about every single thing. and it just created contention and anger and frustration. We actually separated for a short time, our first year of marriage, because it was just so toxic. Yeah. What was the turning point for you guys? So when we separated, within that first year of marriage, I think we just realized like, Okay. This is my person. Yeah. We'd like go back on dates and we'd make out and then we'd have sex. Yeah. We're married. Yeah. And then it was like, Oh, I actually like really do love this person. Yeah. and so at that point we just learned to stuff everything under the rug. Like I'm going to pretend that everything's fine. I'm going to like communicate the right way. We went, we went to which is really funny to think about. 12 years later. We went to a therapist, uh, that was under LDS Family Services and it was a woman and she had never been married. Oh. So she was the worst therapist of all time. I can only imagine that. Oh my gosh. worst therapist of all time, it didn't go very far with therapy. Like she would give us the worst advice. And from my perspective is Jer, if Jeremy was here, he would say something else. But from my perspective, she would always take his side and from his perspective, she would always take my side. Yeah. but it was just so bad. Like we'd go to therapy and we'd like hash out some stupid fight that we had just had, and then we'd leave feeling like crap. Like it wasn't even solved. It was just, here's this like. dumb fight up, up in the smoke. It's not even like the real problem of how we believe about ourselves or anything like that, you know? so after that we just learned to stuff everything under the rug. So we did that for five, six years until, everything just kind of blew up when we had Nixon. Oh, okay. Nixon is, and you know Nixon, just like a very special spirit. He came to this earth, and I've shared this story on many podcasts before, but, he's very feminine. Like, he's very loving. He just is who he is. I love him so much. And, um, Parenting a feminine boy, like through a wrench in our belief system and how we handled situations and how we handled each other because it was like, this is abnormal. Right. And, I would say that he really was the turning point for each of us because it caused us to look at our own belief systems around everything. When you have a kid that defines the norm and you have to parent them differently. Yeah. Because we just loved this little kid, but he was being raised in a society where who he was wasn't loved. Yeah. And so when we could start to look at that belief system, we could start to look at other belief systems. Yeah. So that's really what shifted. That's so beautiful. And it's beautiful that you stepped up. Like you're like, I love this, my child unconditionally. Instead of like looking at what was wrong with him and like blaming him, you were like, actually, what have I been taught that I don't actually resonate with, you know? So that's super cool. Yeah. Good job. It wasn't easy. Yeah. I made lots of mistakes, but, Oh, but you're doing such a good job. Thanks. I really believe that. You're like, Oh, you got that look in your eye. Let's talk more like I want to get to Gentle Warrior and like how you got to where you're at now Let's talk more of like some beliefs that you learned maybe as a child or some things that you struggled with as well Let's just go a little deeper. I love it. Okay, so I would say just like I said before the core belief of what I Believed of myself as a child was that I wasn't good enough that You It didn't matter how hard I tried, I wasn't loved. I remember, in high school I actually took Just because number one, I danced my whole life, which isn't the healthiest environment. but I actually did pertaining to a lot of other people that have that career, have that upbringing, had a somewhat healthy environment in the dance world, but, and then my home life as well. More particularly with my mom, but my dad, my dad and I have a great relationship and it's interesting. Both my parents parented very, very young. Polar opposites, but my dad was gone a lot, working. And so my mom's belief systems and how she raised me are really what took predominantly, over my belief system and the stories that I told myself. Okay. Like my dad, constantly told me how Good I was like you can do anything you put your mind to like I don't care if this person is more talented You know are than like work harder, you know, yeah, but he was gone a lot Yeah, so I had another parent my mother who was just like she's talented like you'll never have that talent right and Sadly, my mother just didn't believe in herself and, and wasn't nurtured. So she didn't know how to hold that space for her own kids because she couldn't hold that space for herself. Right. Totally. She was so concerned about what other people thought of her that she projected that onto her kids. Right. So, I even remember one of my very first dance competitions when I started doing competitive dancing. I placed first and the competition was really close to home. And I told my mom, don't come to my competition. And she came and she watched and I placed first and I got a scholarship. And the first thing she said was like, I didn't really like your facial expressions in that dance. So I was like, gosh, like I can not, it doesn't matter what I do, like I can never measure up to what is expected of me. And so those became my stories. Yeah. Coming back, the story that I was originally saying is in high school, because of these things I was told, I thought if I believed them about myself, it would be easier when somebody else would tell me. So I wrote, I am statements on my wall in Sharpie, but they were all negative things. I was like. You're not good enough. You're not beautiful enough. Because it was so painful to hear people say those things to me. It was like, if I start believing them, if I look at those every single day, then it won't be as painful. Darn. Right? Yeah. So, a lot of stories, but underneath most of it, Was just, Like, you're not, you're not good enough. Yeah, you'll never measure up. You'll never measure up. Like, it doesn't matter how hard you work, or what you do, like, you'll never be enough. So hard. I'm so sorry. Also, also though, like, you knew those things weren't true. Like, you literally just said, if I put them on my wall and I looked at them every day, maybe they'd be less painful. Yeah. What's beautiful about that is you knew. Like, deep down, you did know. And so you came back to that eventually. You let go of those stories. And how did you get there? How'd you let go of those stories? How'd you become who you are? Because you're incredible. And you do believe in yourself now. I do. I think I'm pretty badass. You are. Thank you. You know, I'm so grateful for my life. Like, now, even at the time, Um, like I felt grateful, like I knew I was strong because of the things that I went through. And I do genuinely believe that, that whatever the life before this looked like, I do genuinely believe that my mom volunteered to be the villain in my story so I could become who I am. Right. And I do think that's love. I do too. At its deepest level. Oh yeah. Right. Right. Right. But how did I heal? Just fast forward, right here. I have my kid who are all these things that to the world and to say society aren't good enough, especially the culture you were raised. Oh my gosh. Actually Mormon culture. Yeah. Right. And, I saw him and I was like, I can either project what happened to me and like force this kid to be something Or I can just accept and love him as he is, and I did, like, I just loved him. Like, even when Nixon was little, there were people in our life that said, like, Well, if you were in a stay at home mom and Jeremy was around him more, he wouldn't be this way. And it's like, no, or he just came this way. Yeah, like, that's your own shit that you're projecting on me. Yeah, right. but I did accept and love him. Just as he was, just like most, most moms do, like, you just love this little thing so much, you know. And you can't even imagine them any other way. No, like, you're like, this is who you are. This is who you are. we did go through a period where we tried, it just caused a lot of issues in my marriage and, and Jeremy faced his own stuff. And he talks a lot about that, but, where we did try to go full the opposite way, right? Like we took all the Barbies away, all the things away and like tried to force him to be in this little box. And he was, Angry, like this little one and a half year old, two year old at the time. hated everyone. He would just yell and thrash and it was not him at all. It's not him at all. Overnight became that, you know? And so I just learned like, okay, I can, like, this is what has to be done. I have to love my kid exactly as he is. Right. And that's what started my journey. And through that, really learning to like, sit with my emotion. look at what happened to me, take accountability for what happened to me. I do believe. That's what I teach. That's like the foundation of what I teach in Gentle Warrior and it's really the foundation of what changed my own life. It's like finally taking accountability for all the stories, right? I'm not good enough. Like, okay, a part of me does believe that like genuinely a part of me believes that, right? And then there's this whole, my soul part of me, right? That knows that that's not true. Like, how do I, bridge this gap between this or how do I remove this one and like let the actual one, my soul, come forward, right? And so I just started taking accountability for my life. Like, okay, this happened to me when I was a kid. This is how my mom handled me. This is what I went through. This is whatever. Yeah. But I'm the one that created the story that's carried on for the last 25, 30 years of my life. Yeah. Nobody else created that story. No. I did. Totally. And when I started to take accountability for those things, that's when I was able to heal. That's when I was able to like, feel the emotion, right? When I would sit with like, you're not good enough. And like, genuinely, right? Like that story. Genuinely sit with like these stories and, and I'm not good enough is really like a basis. Like that's like a real rock bottom of, of them, but like, Um, let's think if you don't, Oh, no, no. I feel like a lot of women resonate this one. If your house isn't perfectly clean, you're a crappy mom. Yeah. Right. You're like, you're a crappy wife. Like you are incapable of the simplest task, right? Yeah. which is a simple one. There's thousands that we could go into, but it's like, okay, can I just like sit with, am I really a crappy wife because I can't keep my house clean? Yeah. The answer is no. No, but feeling through that is different. And I actually think that's such a huge tool Because so often even when I had coaches some coaches or some therapists They I'd be like, well, this is how I'm feeling. Like I feel like I have to do this to receive this I feel like I have to be kind in order to receive love. Yeah, but then I don't feel kind right now Yeah, I want to be pissed. I want to be pissed. Yeah, right and they'd be like, well just know that you're not You're not. So it's just like bypassing this, like all of it. Right. Or if it's like, I feel like I'm not good enough. And they're like, but you are good enough. Yeah. I was like, Oh, I did not helping. You're not bridging the gap there at all. Like, okay. I could sit here and tell myself over and over and over again, like, you're good enough. You're good enough. You're good enough. But some part of me wasn't believing it. Totally. Right. And it's the wounds. It's the holes. Yeah. So I had to bridge that gap. And the way that I did that was feeling the not good enough. Yeah. Like allowing yourself to feel that. Yes for the first time. Yes, and I will never forget You know this but I will never forget the first time I tried feeling emotion Because through all of this stuff, like I said, I wrote these things on my wall. What I did was shut down Emotion. Yeah, I shut down negative emotion, but I also shut down positive emotion Right? So I was just this, like, robotic person walking through life. but I remember the first time I, like, tried to tap into an emotion. Something happened, I don't even remember what, but I was sitting downstairs in my house and I was like, I feel sad. I was like, normally somebody would cry if they're sad or like, Something and I couldn't do it. Yeah, I remember sitting there was like you you fucked up feeling sad That's how I felt yeah, and then I just realized okay, this is something I've got to practice like the fact that I feel sad And I can't even cry. Yeah right now. Yeah is like, holy crap. It's huge. So I just started practicing that Yeah, like okay. I'm just gonna sit in these feelings like I'm not good enough right now. I don't feel good enough right now. That makes me feel sad. It makes me feel like grief that makes me feel like, why don't I feel this? And that started bringing up all those stories from my childhood. Right. And then sitting in those emotions. And let him actually come out is what bridged the gap. Because once I start feeling those, I build trust within myself. Once I build trust with myself, I count on myself and if I can count on myself, I must be good enough. Totally. I love that. And that's when my soul starts coming through. Yeah. It's interesting. We just did the episode with my marriage counselor and he talked about the stories that we create and he made a point of like, We did that when we were like, say we were 11, whatever. That was the best that we could do at the time. But those stories don't grow up with us. Like they stay at 11 years old. So then when we're 33 and we're trying to like, we're back at 11 years old, we actually have to feel that it's never going to go anywhere. Yes. You're going to be stuck in 11 year old Ashley and Taryn and thinking. I'm not good enough. Yeah. So that's what you have taught. And it's been so beautiful to implement that my life to not use distractions. Right. Cause that's the main one that we do is like, we bury it. We're like, Oh, if I get busy, if I go clean my house, if I go help somebody, if I be a martyr, if I be whatever, like, then I don't have to feel what I'm actually feeling and that feels safe, but it's not that's control. Yeah. And it doesn't help you heal at all. Yes. It's so funny that you say that because it makes me think of like going to the gym Yeah How often do you see on social media that people are like going to the gym is my therapy going to the gym helps me Get these emotions out and it's like Yeah, like no you're doing an action that makes you feel better the point of you doing it is because it makes you feel better Yeah, that's what we're avoiding. Like we're all humans trying to avoid Feeling bad. Yeah. That's why we created those stories. I wrote those things on my wall that were painful to avoid pain. Right. Yeah. It's so funny. Like, we're like, we actually do what we don't. Yeah. Like we actually bring to fruition what we don't want to bring to fruition because it's what we're focused on. Yes. 100%. Yeah. And so people use even healthy things. Yeah. Going to the gym. Yeah. As, a distraction from what's, Actually going on. Yeah. Right. Not saying they're going to the gym and working on promotions isn't a great thing, but knowing what you're doing, why you're doing it, and actually feeling those is the massive shift. Yeah. It's the intention behind it, right? If you're actually going to the gym to clear the energy that you've already felt, that's different than going to the gym to avoid the feeling that you don't want to feel. Yeah. Yeah, totally. I love that. And you've taught that so well. It's been huge. Like really it's changed my life. So I'm so thankful for that. Yeah, how'd you get, let's get, let's like dive into Gentle Warrior. GW? Yeah, the amazing group that you've created. It's so incredible. You know, I've actually never told this story that I'm going to tell here in a minute but, through my process, like, At the time I was going through this, I didn't have the tools, and I didn't even have, I didn't have the coaches, I didn't have the therapists, the therapists that I had gone to were not teaching me these skills. Yeah. I'm not saying that there's not therapists out there that teach those, but the ones that I was around did not. Yeah. I genuinely figured it out by myself, right? And, Through trial and error and like sitting in the dark and like figuring out what worked and, and wanting like just connection, you know, and I will say I didn't fully do it by myself. I had, three very special people in my life. Well, four, including my husband, Andy and Stacey McEvins, Jimmy Rex and Jeremy were four insanely important people in my life who When I was finally sitting with painful things, Jess loved me. Like, there was zero comment or trying to change who I was or how I was doing it or trying to, like, fix. They weren't even like, I was like, I'm feeling this and they're like, oh, you should do this and this and this to avoid this feeling. They just were like, sister. I love you. I love you. And that changed my life. And, throughout this process, I just became really passionate about women because as I observed all of these things that I had gone through, Sadly, I mean, I'm a woman and my relationships with women, magnified those stories in a negative way for me. Yeah. Right. My relationships with my friends in high school, in college, when I was early married, all they did was like, highlight. You're not good enough, right? Like, sadly, I do believe that most women, we, we, most of us feel a lot of these things, regardless of what your trauma was. Most, most of us are facing these things, right? And so we just project onto others, like, well, if you, if I have a nicer house than you, then I'm better than you, then I'm better than you. Right. Or like if I'm more fit than you, or if I, like my friends in my young adult life, We're like, so when are you gonna build your dream home? And I'm like, you know, I'm 24. Yeah, I don't wanna build my dream home. Stop putting pressure on me. But like, that's how it was, you know? Or, or, just Like, what's the next purse you're going to buy? Yeah. Competition. How are your kids, like, just gossip? Like, just so yucky. Ugh. You know? And throughout this process, I became really passionate about women because I was like, if we can, like, change this game for women the way that I just changed this game for myself, like, this is life changing. Yeah. Like, for everyone. It is. Marriages, children. Literally everyone. Everyone. It's a trickle. Like, it literally, yeah. So, I became really passionate about women, like women empowerment, not, not feminism women empowerment, like genuine women empowerment, right? Like really showing women how beautiful, how special, how magical, how powerful, like, how creative, how godlike they genuinely are just at the core. Yeah. Yeah. So, that became my life's mission, and the story that I have never shared is, a really deep connection to God. I always have, even when I was a member of the church, which I'm not anymore, but that doesn't take away the fact that I had a lot of spiritual experiences in the church. And I've now had a lot of spiritual experiences outside of it. And, I got my patriarchal blessing when I was 18. And do I believe all patriarchal blessings are magical? Whatever. No. And what a patriarchal blessing is, is, you know, it's a blessing from, somebody in the church that, that basically goes into like what your life's purpose is, right? And I know enough people that their patriarchal blessing is nothing special, but mine was. My, when I got my patriarchal blessing when I was 18, the man that gave me my blessing was bawling. It was like, whatever you do, like you have to do this. My patriarchal blessing says you will lead millions of women back home. Oh my gosh. And that was years ago. Years ago. Yeah, right. And I remember when I got that I was like me I'm doing that You know, yeah, and and I loved it and to be honest, I didn't think about that for years Yeah, right and then here I am fast forward 20 not 20 years. I'm not that old 10 years, 18 to 28, right? I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm passionate about these women. And here we are. Yeah. Right. That's so freaking cool. Yeah. That's way cool. So did you know, like, when did you know you were going to, Create something like gentle warrior. So one of my very first coaches, he took me through a lot of, not a whole lot of healing, but a lot of like personal development programs that helped me piece together, like, what is my purpose? Which is such a big thing nowadays. Like it's such a trendy topic, which I have my own beliefs on. Yeah. At the time it was like, yeah, I want to figure out what my purpose is. So he like took me through these programs and we did this like process of elimination, essentially like what lights you up? And we would just write it all down, like a whole whiteboard filled with things. And basically what it came down to is like women, like I said, but. but warrior women. And so during that and through all my healing and through what I was passionate about, and this is four or five years ago now, I was sitting down with this coach and we wrote on my purpose. And my purpose statement is I inspire millions of women around the world to find a little bit. Find and live into their gentle warrior selves by while putting God, myself, and my family first in my life. And so gentle warrior was the term. Yeah, and what it originally was is I was like crossing out all these things It was like like women like warriors like no It can't just be warriors like it has to be this like soft feminine side And I think I went through a few terms and sat with them for weeks and then finally landed on gentle warrior Yeah I actually remember him. He was like, well, do you want to coach? And I was like, ah, I don't know coach. I don't know what this is going to look like. Yeah. but then, you know, that was five years ago. Fast forward as I just started, really spreading my light. Like what happened was As you heal, you settle into what your spiritual gifts are because you're in alignment with your soul, not aligned with, the conditioning that you have or the masks that you've put on, right? So as I began aligning with my soul and living from that space, things just began happening in my life. So, Women specifically would come to me and talk to me about things. I started just sharing vulnerably on social media years ago around my miscarriages or things that I was going through, adoption, infertility, whatever. And people would connect to that. And so people would. would send me long messages on social media of things that they were going through in their life that they couldn't talk to anybody else about except for me. Jeremy and I would go to Mexico for a trip and somebody, some girl would be crying in my arms within five minutes of sitting in the hot tub or like multiple times where I just noticed like women are attracted to me and I feel safe to them for whatever reason. Right. I don't even know this person. Yeah. Yeah. And they're crying in my arms. I had another experience literally three weeks ago. We were invited to a birthday dinner by somebody that we just had met recently and all their friends were there and something had happened and she had been triggered by something and she walked in and walked past all her friends and came to me and hugged me and just started sobbing. And I was like, I just met you. I don't even know you. But I looked over at Jeremy and, and we were both like, of course. So normal now, because that just was my purpose. Like it's just what my soul is aligned with. And so as I began seeing these things come on, it was like, okay, this is my gift. How can I monetize this? Right. Not that it's about money. It's like, how can I create this? Because the sad thing is people invest in what they invest in. Oh, totally. Like if I were just doing this for free. I can help somebody process through something, but they may or may not go totally apply it to their life and integrate it to who they are. Yeah. Right. So it's like, how can I monetize myself essentially? How can I monetize this gift and bring women in this community together? So it's not just me. Like, so it actually is a ripple effect because I can't touch a million people. No. Right? Right. Like, I guess I could. But I, but I'm not. Like, that's a lot. That's like really far off for me. Yeah. You know? But I can touch a hundred and whoever they touch can touch people, right? Yeah. So that's where Gentle Warrior was born. Love it so much. Um, yeah. It's so cool to hear like your, like your process of getting there, because as I've been in your group for the past year, it's been literally like, I, I'm not joking when I say it's changed my life, my kid's life, my husband's life, like it has been. So when you say like you touched me, I touch, like it is a ripple effect and you have taught exactly what you taught yourself to us. And it works. It totally works. Like it has literally. Changed my life two years ago. I couldn't talk on the phone and here we are Like it's because of you dude like so thankful like thankful doesn't even cut it but You did talk a little bit. You mentioned your miscarriages and infertility Do you want to talk about that a little bit? Sure. Sure. I am I've had four miscarriages. My second son is adopted My first son was like first try Oh, wow. Right? Yeah. So, my miscarriages, I'm so grateful for them now. They've been such a good teaching experience for me, but it was really hard, right? Jeremy's sisters, my husband, Jeremy, his sisters all struggled with infertility. And I remember when I got pregnant, like right after I took my IUDL, I was like, yes, this is not going to be a struggle for me, right? And then here we are, eight years later. But, essentially. Nixon taught me so much like, right, which is what I shared. But I had a miscarriage right after Nixon. I got pregnant when I was six, when he was six months old and I miscarried that baby at 12 weeks. and then after that I had three more. One of them was cancer. And It was hard. Yeah. It was just really hard. You know? Yeah. It's like, as a woman, when you're going through that, it's like, this is the one thing my body is supposed to be able to do, and I can't do it. Yeah. Right? And it plays into that story of I'm not good enough. Oh yeah. Oh. Oh yeah. Yeah. It just brought so many more things to the surface, right, around that. So many more stories around my like, core belief of you're not good enough. and so yeah, I just really, I really resonate and I really want to say that like, it's not easy, you know, and Each of those four miscarriages taught me and brought emotions and gave me another chance actually process through things instead of stuffing them under the rug. Like my first miscarriage I actually like so funny to me now it's sad but it's so funny when I found out it was over um an ultrasound it was supposed to be my first ultrasound and laying there and they like could not find the heartbeat yeah and the doctor's like I'm so sorry like And I went, like, stone faced, stood up, walked out of that building as fast as I possibly could, and, like, did not shed a tear. Oh, wow, yeah. Like, nothing. Like, went straight into my armored up, I am fine, right? Yeah. Until my last miscarriage, this is why I say each one was, was so important for me to practice letting people in, letting people take care of me, crying, feeling grief, feeling sadness, right? And I do genuinely believe at this point I created those miscarriages because of other belief systems that I had stored, right? Anything that we don't feel through becomes disease. And I had that. Yeah. Right? Yeah. I had this dis ease in my body. And if you have dis ease in your body, how in the hell are you supposed to create something? Yeah. Right? Yeah. And so am I hopeful that still one day I can have another child for sure, right? I'm now at a space where I'm like, this will happen or it won't. But those four miscarriages brought me to Gentle Warrior just as much as anything else did, right? If I had five kids right now, there's no way in hell I'd be doing what I'm doing. Yeah. Number one. But number two, I learned what my power was, and I learned how I was standing in my own way by not processing through those things, right? Yeah. So, Yeah, it brings me back to you just saying like how you've healed is bringing like taking responsibility and for you to say like To have that beautiful beautiful perspective of like actually those taught me and I needed those to get to where I'm at Like that's so cool And it gives other people hope of like, I actually can heal from this and I can have a perspective one day, that same perspective of being grateful because it got you to where you're at. Yeah. So I love that. I mean, my miscarriages are such a huge part of why I'm here, right? Like back then when I had my first miscarriage, it was like, okay, let's do all these fertility tests to see what's wrong with you. Yeah. Right. Nothing was wrong with me. I've had so many surgeries, so many fertility treatments, not one fertility treatment got me pregnant. Right. Yeah. Okay. And so it got me to this point where I was like, if nothing's wrong with me physically. Yeah. Something has to be wrong emotionally and let's dive into what that is and actually how much power our emotions have over what we create, right? So yeah, I'm so, so beyond grateful and I just feel like it's so much more empowering. You know what? Like if I die and I leave this earth and like what I believed isn't true, you know, but like I created these miscarriages in my life. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I don't even care because how much more empowering is it for me to be like, yeah, I created those. How can I change what I'm creating? How can I heal? How can I shift? How can I like take my power back? So I can live a peaceful, happy, joyful, grieving, sad, like all the range of emotions life, rather than being like, Oh! Something's wrong with me. Yeah. I love that. Because when you do pass away and die, like, you're not gonna, that didn't hurt you to have that perspective. No! That didn't do anything. It made my life way better. It made your life way better. Yeah. Way more beautiful. Yeah. I love that. tell us about where, tell us where you're at right now. Like how we talked about how you got here. Let's talk about where you're at now, what you're excited about, those types of things. Where am I at? Where am I at now? I'm, I'm happy. I live such a peaceful life, and the reason that I live a peaceful life is not because it's happy all the time. Yeah. It's because I have learned to like ride the wave of this life. And like, it's actually really fun when you can learn to do that. Yeah. Right. I cannot tell you how many women I coach that are like, this is really hard. I was supposed to start. Coaching. And it was supposed to make my life like happy all the time. And it was like, you think changing your life and like taking accountability and healing is just so you can be happy all the time. Like you are 100 percent missing the mark. It's so you can learn to feel through the range of every human emotion, because that's why we're here in this human experience and like. Love it. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And. I've learned usually after, something is challenging, something really awesome is coming. And if we just like ride that wave of that low instead of resisting it, resisting it, resisting it, resisting it, we can flow through. Right? Faster too. 100 percent faster. It's one of the massive tools that we learn is like actually how fast we move through things when we learn to do that. Oh my gosh. I saw a quote the other day that said, emotions last 90 seconds in your body if you actually feel them. And I was like, are you kidding me? We've stored these emotions when it took 90 seconds to feel. Like that's insane actually. It really is. It's so crazy. We just made 90 seconds last 30 years. Yay us. I know. It's so true though. so now I'm just. present. Like, I love where I'm at. I love, I love coaching the women that I'm coaching. I love making my relationship with Jeremy that much better every single day and like living and relishing in all of the work that we've done. Does that mean it's perfect? No. Like we fight and we argue and whatever, but we also are like super happy and have play and have the best time together. Right. Yeah. And I'm just so grateful for all of it. Like I genuinely live such a peaceful life because I've learned to feel peace through every range of the human experience. Right. Yeah. where am I going? Just impacting more people. I do believe that. That what I have created with Gentle Warrior and whatever else I create is God's work. I'm just the tool. I love that. And I have learned that the second that I try to control outcomes, I fail miserably. And the more that I trust and I take action when I'm supposed to take action, it moves, right? Yeah. I launched Gentle Warrior and I sold over 100, 000. in three days of my coaching program. Yeah. Because I trusted and I flowed and I moved when I was supposed to move. Yeah. Not because I forced outcomes. And that is a really interesting way to create something on this planet right now, especially a business. Oh, totally. Because you're creating businesses and hustle culture. Right. And I've actually had to battle that. Like how many men have been like, are you doing this? Are you on top of this? How, like what's next? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And I'm like, I telling you, like it's going to get there, but it's going to have to go my way. And so that's what I'm doing. I mean, there's a lot coming that is, that is in the works right now. We've got a course coming, really just honing in on the women that I have in my program now and making it better because my priority, just like in my mission statement says, putting myself, God and my family first in my life. And as much as I love my work, they are first. Yeah. And I have to allow people in to create infrastructure so I can continue to do what is important for me to do. So, a lot of infrastructures are coming, a lot of courses are coming, a lot of ways that we can reach more people without taking more time away from work. My life is what's coming. So that's so exciting. It's super fun. I was actually talking to Nick just like yesterday, I think about like the, you were just touching on it of like feeling the range of emotions. And we've been taught like as a society that like, Emotions are some emotions are bad, but why are they bad? Like they're just emotions and like we are a human. We do have the human experience. We are supposed to feel those things. And when we label them as bad, then we introduce shame and judgment and all of the things that are just so. toxic to us. And so it's just super cool to like be in your program, to learn, like, actually these emotions aren't bad to have my husband learn that these emotions aren't bad to like support each other in that to support our children when they're having meltdowns or like feeling things really strongly and be like, actually, it's okay if you cry. It's okay. If you're upset, you actually have every right to be pissed at me right now. I enforced a rule that you didn't like. Yeah. That's okay. 100%. Like that's totally fine. 100%. Aren't kids such a good mirror for us too? Oh, so. I have to tell you the funniest thing. Last night, um, Nixon was upset. Why was he upset? Oh, I made him eat four carrots. He's the worst eater ever. But I was like, you have to eat four carrots. Like I'm trying. Yeah. To like make him get some vegetables. Totally. And, he was so angry and Jeremy comes home and he's like, buddy, you gotta eat the four carrots, you know? Yeah. We were even like, you can have a treat after you Yeah, just eat the four carrots. You know? Nixon goes, hey dad? I can't even laugh. Do you have a picture of yourself? And he was like, probably why? He was like, I'm gonna put it on my pillow. He was like, how come you're gonna put it on your pillow? He's like, so I can punch it. And Jeremy and I just busted up laughing. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, dude, we'll get you a picture so you can go take out your anger on us on the pillow. What a healthy way though. Yeah. Like that's so healthy. He's like, I'm actually angry. I'm going to go punch a pillow with your face on it. Yeah, yes. And like creating a safe space. I think that's one of the coolest parts of Gentle Warrior, right? Like how has it been to have women where you're just like, I mean, how many times have we observed conversations where it's like, I'm triggered right now. I've done, I've told people that they've told me that like you you're triggering me or you triggered me. And it's actually so cool to not have the women get offended. Because that's what the society is right now. But you've created this space where everyone feels safe enough that when I say, Hey, you triggered me, they're like, Oh, that's interesting. Why let's dive into that. Yes. And we. Yes. Like, feel it out. Yes. It's so cool. It's so cool that, like, here's this trigger, and this person triggered you, but can also help close the gap. Yes. And, like, heal the wound. Yes. And close the circle, because it's like, okay, let me actually hold space for you. Yeah. Of why I'm triggering you. Yeah. Instead of getting defensive and mad and projecting, instead it's like, oh, let's figure that out. It's so cool. And you've done that. So you should be so proud because it's really freaking cool. I am. I love it. So it's different here, guys. If you're looking for something, Gentle Lawyer is the thing. So, where can people find you? Taryn Nevis on Instagram, T A R Y N N E V E S. And that's where I'm most active. If they're feeling called to Gentle Lawyer, when are you opening up, are you opening up another group? Good question. You don't have to answer. I'm, I'm not sure if I'm opening up another group. Okay. I mean, there will be another group opening, I'm not sure. What it will look like when. Yeah. so follow along. We're bringing on some coaches to help cool. Expand that. Yeah. three groups is a lot for me. It is a lot. Yeah. So, especially how well you're doing at it. It's a lot. Yeah. It's a lot, but, and I just, I'm, I'm passionate about pouring into what's there. Not. Focusing on what's next, necessarily, but there is stuff coming to make it easier. So just follow along and it'll all be there. I love that. One last thing. If you could tell Taryn 20 years ago something, what would that be? Oh, that's a great question. I could tell Taryn 20 years ago something. Man, I don't know if I'd just, I'd say anything. I think I'd just hug her. I love that. Help her know that she's, is worthy of love. Like you're perfect exactly where you're at. Yeah. Right? Yep. I love that. Thanks. Thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Doing this. It's been so fun. Yeah. Love you. Love you. Thank you Thank you so much for taking the time to listen. It means the world to me. If you liked this episode, please subscribe, leave a review, and share on Instagram. If you're not following us, follow at eighthwonderdesigns, and remember, be proud of where you're at.