#14-Share With Colleagues the King Henry School of Argument

When collaborating with others, sometimes you will encounter reticence to ask or answer important questions.  There are a number of reasons for this, but in this episode I will outline an approach I take to counter this, one which has served me well in multiple occasions.

Transcript

If you have ever seen The Lion in Winter (1968) then you may recognize this term.  If not, see it!  I think it's about 4 bucks on YouTube.

When I teach/consult sometimes I sense that people don't want to answer or even ask questions because they are afraid to appear ignorant to others.  This is especially true of technical people, but I think it's true for others too.  It can be a serious impediment to collaboration. So, I do an exercise:

I pick someone who seems relatively willing to interact with me without embarrassment.  Let’s call this person Pat.  I start by asking them a question where they cannot possibly be wrong because it is purely about their own opinion.

Me: Pat, tell me, what is your favorite movie?
Pat: Um, I suppose it’s “Scott Pilgrim vs. The World.”
Me: Oh, I like that one too.  I particularly enjoyed the way Andy Samberg portrayed Scott Pilgrim.
Pat: No that was Michael Cera not Andy Samberg.

I pretend to press the argument for a few minutes even though of course I know Pat is correct.  Finally, I bring up the Internet Movie Database on the projector and look up the film in front of the entire group.   Naturally, it confirms that Michael Cera played the part just as Pat claimed. I pretend to be surprised by this.

I then ask the group “who won the argument?”  Almost without exception everyone agrees that Pat won, and I lost.  But I then point out that Pat came into the argument with the same information they left it with, namely that Michael Cera played Scott Pilgrim in the film.  I, on the other hand, have left with new information that I did not previously have and, also, I have corrected a mistake in my memory.  I have gained something from the interaction whereas Pat has not.

To these old eyes that looks like winning (that’s what King Henry says in the aforementioned film).

Then of course I own up to the fact that this was all a ruse.  Gotta keep things honest.  My purpose was to shift their point of view on disagreements and about asking questions.

When we collaborate, the value we bring is what we can contribute, each to the other.  If you already know everything then my value to you is limited or non-existent.  Neil DeGrasse Tyson (one of the smartest people I know of) puts it this way: "I love being wrong because that means in that instant, I learned something new that day."

If it's good for Neil to be wrong, it's certainly okay for us to be.

We operate in an environment of constant change and innovation and staying current can be a real challenge.  If we take down the mostly pride- and fear-based impediments that can limit our interactions, then we can be true colleagues and everyone will benefit from this.  So will the products we create and the customers that use them.

The next time you find yourself in a group that seems overly contentious or hesitant I suggest you try this exercise.  I've seen surprisingly good results from it.