8: How to Love Yourself More <3

There is a saying that goes "Time heals all wounds" but I disagree. Time doesn't heal wounds. We don't magically wake up one day and all our pain is gone... Learning to love ourselves and using that as motivation to create positive change in our life heals wounds.

Society conditions us to look at all the negative aspects of ourselves, but what happens if we rebel and start to radically love and accept ourself? When we learn to love ourselves, everything in our life starts to positively change. This is where the magic happens. 

In this episode, I talk about different techniques you can do for as little as 10 minutes a day to start to love yourself. 

Instructions to add your screen time to your iPhone: 
1. Touch and hold on the Home Screen to enter edit mode
2. Select the + icon in the top left corner
3. Scroll down to the list of apps and search for Screen Time
4. Choose the level of detail you want
5. Select Add Widget

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Transcript

 All right, so this episode is so important, whether you have just been cheated on, you found out your partner had a secret porn or sex addiction, or none of that has happened, and you're just like, yeah, maybe I want to learn how to love myself more. This is for you. So we often hear the phrase that time heals all wounds, but I disagree.

Time doesn't heal wounds. I don't think one day you magically wake up after repeating the same patterns, behaviors, and staying in the same unhealthy relationships, and all of a sudden you're just like, Wow, that situation just suddenly isn't bothering me anymore, and I am completely healed, and I didn't need to put in any of the work to heal myself. 

That doesn't happen. The main thing that heals our wounds is learning to love ourselves more and using that as motivation to change our behavior and to change unhealthy relationships, whether that be with our significant other, friends, family, or work.  The thing that heals our wounds is showing up and doing the inner healing work you every single day, and it's something we have to consistently practice and show up for.

It's very similar to imagine you were trying to lose weight. You can't just eat healthy for two days of the week, then eat unhealthy the other five days and expect to see a change.  You have to change your lifestyle and you have to be committed to your why, which is your reason for wanting to change every day.

Self love is the same, but instead of strengthening our muscles, we're strengthening our mindset to be more loving, respectful, and appreciative towards ourselves, and towards the part of ourselves that maybe we don't like. So, when we learn to positively love ourselves more, everything starts to positively change, and that is what is so magical about just learning to love yourself more.

My friendship started to change, my eating habits changed, the way I talk to myself changed, my relationship with my family members changed, the amount of Alcohol I drank and the amount of weed I smoked dramatically decreased, the amount of time I spent aimlessly scrolling on my phone on social media dramatically decreased, the conversations I would have with friends or with strangers became more intimate and loving and more appreciative, and my values and interests Interests started to change.

I stopped trying to be such a people pleaser and avoiding conflict. I stopped spending time with people who made me feel like my energy was being drained rather than it being more energized after being with them. I started working out more, not to look good or to lose weight, but because it made me feel powerful. 

I look back at who I was before I embarked on my healing and self love journey versus who I am now.  And I literally laugh at how different I feel and how different I am. I feel like before I was just walking on autopilot in life and not really considering what made me feel good. How did I want to spend my time?

Who makes me feel energized instead of drained after spending time with them? What boundaries do I need to create to protect my peace and energy? What things could I do on a daily basis that made me feel loved instead of needing to find a false sense of worth in how my partner viewed me, or how others viewed me? 

Moral of the story, don't underestimate gradual and incremental change over time and how much that can add up over a long period of time. Self love is hard because society never teaches us. ever ever ever teaches us how to actually love ourself, especially as women. 

We grew up with society always telling us we're not enough, to not be too opinionated, that we need to change parts of our appearance, that we're too fat, too skinny, that we have too many wrinkles, that we wear too much makeup or not enough makeup, that we need to change our style, that we need to buy more things, that we need to change our face, we need to change our body, that we have too much, that we don't have enough.

We are constantly bombarded with these images of photoshopped females and in magazines on social media and movies with who have gotten so much work to themselves and it's an unrealistic expectation and we are constantly told, I mean look at the makeup industry, it's fucking huge or the skincare industry, we're constantly told that we need to fix ourselves and that we are not enough as we are, which is so fucked up,  and, on top of all this, society plays such a big importance on us not being complete as women or as people until we find our significant other, our soulmate, our person, whatever it may be. It's like life is this giant scavenger hunt and we haven't reached the final destination and we're not complete until we find our partner and create a life and a home with them.

 So we're basically taught that our worth and validation relies on this male approval and that we are incomplete on our own and that we need this other person to make us whole. And yes, relationships are great, I'm not bashing on relationships, but you also don't need to be in a relationship in order to feel loved.

You can make yourself feel so much more loved, and to be honest, you should be making yourself feel loved, even if you are in a relationship, because we're What if the relationship ends then what and then going on that point? So then say we put all our worth into this other person and our identity becomes our relationship What happens when or if that relationship ends and we just feel horrible about ourselves.

We feel like we're not good enough We fear that they will find someone better. We feel that we are behind in society's eyes We fear we're going to be alone forever We feel like We don't relate with any of our friends anymore  We feel like we messed up in life.

We feel like we failed. We feel like we wasted years of our life in that relationship. We feel like we need to start the quest all over again until someone tells us we are enough for them and that we can feel complete again. And then on top of that, say the relationship ended because they cheated on you or you found their secret porn or sex addiction and that is destabilizing.

It is so fucking destabilizing. Your thoughts, eat you alive and you can't help but think that it was your fault for not being attractive enough or like you did something wrong in the relationship or like you could have done something to prevent it or you blame yourself for not catching it earlier.

You feel like you can't trust others anymore and now you feel like you can't trust yourself. It's horrible. It's gut wrenching. It changes everything.  It's, it's so hard to navigate this, but I want women to know that you can get through this and you can still feel loved whether or not you stay with your partner or not. 

I hated myself so much. I hated my body. I won't even lick in the mirror for weeks and I showered and went to the bathroom with my eyes closed because I was a appauled pauled at my body thinking that it was the reason for his cheating and his addictions  Isn't that so fucked up, but I know it's something so many of us feel I started to starve myself And when I finally did look in the mirror, I would pick apart every Every single thing that I hated about it.

I would say I have too much arm fat. My thighs are too big. My nose is too long. My hair isn't thick enough. My jawline should be more defined. My toes look weird. My butt isn't firm enough. My boobs aren't big enough. Like anything you could think of, I destroyed myself. I became my biggest bully and I all I could think of is why am I not good enough?

Why is my body not enough? I was emotionally abusing my body. myself. I was bullying myself and I know I'm not alone for doing that.

 And that is why I feel so passionate about talking on this topic. I had multiple therapists. I had life coaches. I went on retreats. I traveled internationally alone. I tried mushrooms. I tried every woo woo hippie thing you could imagine to heal myself.

And the biggest thing that helped.  was just learning how to stop bullying myself and stop emotionally abusing myself  and learn how to love myself.  So I'm going to share a bunch of different self love tools that I've learned and still practice and remember this isn't like you can just do it once and then you're magically healed.

Try them all, see which ones you like and just sprinkle them into your routine.  Try to do one Every day even if it's just 10 minutes a day and make it a non negotiable thing you do every day. Results won't happen immediately similar to losing weight. It's a gradual. It needs to be done daily even if it's just carving out 10 minutes a day and Before you go. Well, okay miss podcast lady I don't have 10 minutes a day because I work and I have kids and they didn't rule my schedule and whatever it may be I want you to go and Add your screen time to your phone  and then tell me out of those hours that you spend on your phone that you didn't have 10 minutes to squeeze it in for yourself.

Now I'm being serious, this is how you're going to do that. If you have an iPhone, go to your iPhone and I'm going to tell you right now how to add your screen time to your home screen. And at the end of the day, every day, Look at how much time you've spent on your phone. And I promise you, after seeing the amount of time you've spent on your phone, you're gonna be like, Okay, yes, I do have 10 minutes every day to allocate and prioritize towards loving myself.

So, first step. Go to the home screen page,  second step. Touch and hold the home screen background until the apps start to jiggle.  And then tap the press or the add button. I'm doing it with my hands, but you probably can't see it.  At the top of the screen to open the widget gallery.

And then scroll to search to find the screen time widget.  Tap the screen time widget.  Choose the level of detail you want. Tap add widget. Move the widget where you want on the screen. Tap done. You can also literally just Google this by typing how to add phone screen time to iPhone home widget. 

It's really easy. I'll also just include these instructions.  In the bio,  I just copied them from Google. It's not that hard.  And it will take you literally 5 seconds.  So at the end of the day, it will probably be 3 hours, maybe even 6 hours or more depending on how much you use it.

And then go tell me that you couldn't have used 10 of those minutes scrolling on social media instead of carving out time for yourself.  No one is going to hold you accountable besides yourself.  Okay, so let's dive into the tools that you can use. And again, I want to caveat that most of these are going to feel uncomfortable and just flat out weird in the beginning, but try them for a few times and keep an open mind because they do work.

You just need to give them a chance and to keep an open mind.  Number one,  find your love language. There are five different love languages. They're words of affirmation, Gifts, acts of service, quality time and touch. These are essentially what makes you feel loved from other people But we can also do them to ourselves to make us feel loved  You can just take a free quiz online.

You just google free love language quiz and find out what your love language is. For example, my love languages are words of affirmation and quality time.  So for words of affirmation, I write myself love letters and I have post it notes hanging up all around my bedroom with compliments that make me feel good when I read them.

On days I'm feeling extra anxious, stuck in my head, getting sad about the past, past or feeling like I'm not good enough or like I'm a failure in life, I'll write myself a love letter and talk to the 10 year old version of myself who needs to be reminded how amazing she is, how none of this is her fault, and how that she can get through anything she puts her mind to.

For my other love language which is quality time, I'll take myself on dates and do things that I genuinely enjoy like hiking, going to a museum, trying a new meal, going on a walk to a new area, trying a new meditation, yoga, or breathwork class, walking on the beach, going to a bookstore, work at a cafe instead of working in my room, dancing to music, whatever it may be, just try to find something that you actually enjoy.

Joy doing and go do that alone and do it with yourself and it might feel uncomfortable But eventually it will start to feel more comfortable  And if you take your quiz and you're like, well, how the hell am I supposed to show myself that kind of love? The great thing is we live in a society where information is accessible 24 7 because of the internet Literally just google how to make myself feel loved if my love language is touch or gifts or whatever it may be And try to do this two to three times a week.

Prioritize it. Make it non negotiable time. And if you find yourself having a hard time prioritizing it, even again, only if it's ten minutes, ask yourself, why are you prioritizing someone else or something else, their needs, over your own? Whether that be work, kids, friends, chores, whatever it may be. You can find ten minutes of your day.

Secondly, inner child work. So I am a huge fan of inner child work and it gives myself so much compassion when I think of the five year old or the 10 year old version of me who was so innocent and childlike and saw the world as such as beautiful, safe, exciting, adventurous place. And it is so much more difficult to talk mainly about yourself when you're picturing yourself as an innocent child who just needs love, affection, validation, and compassion.

If you have access to photos of yourself as a kid, this can be incredibly helpful. Find photos of yourself as a kid and set it as your phone background. Every time you're criticizing yourself, talking negatively to yourself, blaming yourself, saying you're not good enough, saying you're a failure, having imposter syndrome, whatever it may be,  Open your phone, look at the photo of yourself on your phone background, now imagine yourself saying that to your inner child. 

Say you saw this little girl or guy on the side of the road looking sad, would you go say those things to him or her? No! You'd offer them compassion, acceptance, love, validation, and encouragement.  When we experience feelings of insecurity, unworthiness, lack, fear, whatever it may be, this isn't the first time we're feeling this emotion and it goes all the way back to childhood. 

You can even try to ask yourself when was the first time you felt it. It may be a painful memory, but knowing what you know now, what did you need to hear during that moment when you were a child when this was happening?  Maybe you needed to hear that it wasn't your fault, it's okay to make mistakes.

You're loved no matter what. Your worth doesn't depend on others, you are braved, you are loved, you are appreciated, everything is okay, everything will be okay.  For me, some of my first memories of feeling unworthy or unlovable, like I wasn't good enough, was back in elementary when I was clinically obese and boys would make fun of me.

They would bully me at recess for my weight. calling me fat, they would throw rocks at me,  girls would make fun of me all the time too, and that's when I learned the false belief at a young age that men only like skinny girls. So, when I was cheated on, my first thoughts were, wow, is it because my body isn't enough for him?

Did I start gaining weight?    But I know that's not true. Okay. I'm not saying that any of that is true. But so when those thoughts come up to me, because again, I speak to myself like I am that 10 year old girl who is experiencing this. I tell her that your appearance doesn't define your worth.

You are intrinsically whole and complete and worthy of love, respect, and friendship, and compassion,  and you are enough just as you are. I am enough just as I am.  So speak to yourself like you'd speak to a child, because we're all just children in grown up bodies, and we still need the love, encouragement, and compassion that we so easily give to children.

Another thing you can do is if you have physical copies of photos  hang them in your room and just talk to them. Talk to the photo every day for a few minutes. Again, I know it feels weird, but it's just this beautiful connection we can make with that inner child within us.  

Okay, next thing. Write down all the mean things you say to yourself for a few days.  Literally, with pen or paper, or on the notes section of your phone, write down every fucking mean thought you say to yourself. 

According to research by Stanford University, 90 percent of our thoughts are repetitive, and 80 percent of those thoughts are negative.  So we have 12, 000 to 60, 000 thoughts per day and 80 percent of those are negative, 90 percent of our thoughts are repetitive. So we are basically telling ourselves the same mean stories about ourselves over and over and over again. 

So it's extremely important to become aware of the thoughts in our head because most of the time we're unaware because we've been thinking them for decades so they just come at second nature.  So for a few days try to write down every negative thought you have about yourself. Keep the piece of paper in your pocket or write it as a note on your phone and just set reminders on your phone to add to it throughout the day because you'll probably forget. 

Some of the words I wrote to myself after I did this exercise are, you're a failure. Everyone hates you, you need to shut up, you're ugly, no one is going to love or marry you after they found out what your past relationship was like, you caused all of this, you should have known better, you were going to be alone forever, it's because you gained weight, it's because you weren't wearing enough makeup around the house.  Like the things I said to myself are so mean and I didn't realize fully how mean I was speaking to myself Until I wrote them down So when you have that list, I want you to seriously picture yourself reading that list to your best friend, daughter, niece, Cousin, mom, whatever woman in your life that you love and respect.

Would you honestly tell them those things?  No, because they are extremely cruel, so don't speak to yourself in a way that you wouldn't speak to someone you love and care for.

So on top of that,  for every bad thought that you have, follow up with a compliment or an affirmation for yourself.  The voice inside  our head will either be our biggest cheerleader and hype woman,  or it will be our biggest bully and our critic. There is no in between. Our thoughts create our feelings, and there is research behind us.

When we have negative thoughts about ourself or life, we are releasing chemicals in our brain that make us feel sad or mad or whatever uncomfortable emotion you want associated with. When we have positive thoughts about ourself or life, we release chemicals in our brain that make us feel happy and optimistic and fulfilled. So our thoughts are so important to become aware of.  And I'm not saying you need to have toxic positivity and neglect all your sad thoughts, but for every mean thought you have about yourself, replace it with a positive aspect about yourself, a positive thought about yourself.

And a great way to do this is journal for 10 minutes, set a timer on your phone for 10 minutes, and just write everything you like about yourself. If there isn't anything, just write a few things down and try to add one characteristic to it every week. Eventually, you'll have a lot of thoughts that you can go to and choose from.

You can also add in affirmations. I used to think affirmations were so cheesy, but then I started doing them when I was at my lowest in life. And I was like, oh wait, this shit actually works. And there is science behind it, how it works. Some of the affirmations I love to say to myself, and you need to say them out loud.

Look at yourself in the mirror, because that is so important.  Some things I love to say, I am strong, I survived the trauma, I will get through the healing, I am resilient, I am capable, I am intelligent, I am resourceful 

and if you are struggling trying to find affirmations that you can say about yourself, just say, Just google it. Again, we live in a world where the internet and information is so accessible. Just google some affirmations and see what ones stick with you. 

Another thing that is helpful and I briefly mentioned earlier in the episode, but even if your love language isn't words of affirmation, hanging post it notes with kind and loving reminders on it is such a good way to start to rewire our subconscious and put thought into it. 

I can't talk, and put positive thoughts in our head. I love reading motivational quotes, and whenever I read one that just really hits me, I write it down on a piece of paper and put it on my wall. I actually have about 11 sheets of paper hung up on my wall, and every time, usually in the mornings when I'm brushing my teeth, or whenever I feel sad, lost, confused, just wishing the pain would end, I go to my wall and I read them.

It basically is like a wall that re hypes yourself up. And it's filled with reminders and quotes and things that lift me up and motivate me and remind me that I'm going to be okay. I'm capable of getting through this and that I'm moving forward in life and that I love myself and that I have so much to be grateful for.

And if you're like, well, what the fuck, I don't want people to see these cheesy things I write myself, just go put them on the back of your door or put them in your closet or have a notebook solely dedicated to uplifting yourself that you can go read when you're in a pinch or create a note on your phone.

But there's something so powerful about seeing it in your own handwriting. 

Okay, next one I want to talk to you about  is you'll just need a mirror and yourself. And this is going to feel super awkward and it took me a few times until I finally felt the effect, but just have patience in the beginning and be aware of any resistance you feel. 

A dear coach told me this one and when she told me I was like, what the fuck this is weird. It's weird. It's weird. But when I finally did it and finally felt the effect of this one after I think maybe it took me three times to do it. . I broke into tears and I had so much sympathy for myself.

It was such like a light bulb aha moment was like, okay,  I,  can get through this. I can love myself. So, what you're going to do is find a room with a mirror where you can't be interrupted. For me, it was the bathroom. And you're going to just stare at yourself in the mirror for 10 minutes. Set a timer on your phone for 10 minutes and don't leave until it goes off. 

And you're just going to stare at yourself. I sat on the ground and I just So I'm going to go ahead and click on this and I'm going to click on this and I'm going  What does she need to hear? What does she want to say?  Let her know that she is okay. Let her know that what happened to her was unfair, it was cruel, and that she didn't deserve it, and that it wasn't her fault. 

Ask her what does she need to hear, and what does she need to get through this, and remind her that you are here for her, that she is safe, that she is protected, and that she will be okay.  So just talk to yourself and see what comes up and journal about it after because it can be really powerful. I do this maybe once a week and when you don't have a full 10 minutes to talk to yourself Whenever you walk past yourself in a mirror, just smile to yourself. Honestly, just smile . What I'll do before  I get out of my car and I'm feeling anxious I'll just look in my mirror and smile to myself and say I love you.

I got you things are gonna be okay And that just helps us build this connection with ourself, like as if we were building a connection with another human. It's so helpful to see ourselves and to say these words to them while looking directly in our eyes.

Another thing that can be so helpful is journaling. And I know some people don't like journaling, but for me, it has been one of the most healing things.  Not during the time of when I'm journaling, but when I get to go back and look at the journal entries. So rereading my journal entries has been so healing.

I will write about things I'm worried about, confused about, scared about. I write about accomplishments, celebrations, things I overcome, small things. I'm proud of myself, and it's so powerful to be able to go back and look at that, whether it be months  Weeks years down the road and it's so powerful because it can show you how far you've come And it can also be a powerful while you're healing from an unhealthy relationship To look back and see wow, I actually wasn't crazy. I was validated or oh, wow I've actually been feeling this for years. This isn't just a sudden feeling that I'm experiencing for the first time Journaling can be super, super helpful, especially re reading those  old journal entries.

I started journaling while I was still in the unhealthy relationship, and now that I have left the unhealthy relationship, I look back at those journal entries of things I wrote and I'm like wow the lying, the manipulation, the gaslighting, the fights we had. I would journal about how it made me feel, the things he said,  I would journal about me second guessing myself, am I going crazy, I would journal about my therapy sessions, everything. 

I wrote about them while it was happening and now I can look back from a much more healed place and I'm like holy crap those were so much worse than I thought it was at the time  and it gives me so much love and respect for myself to be like wow you were so blindsided. Blindsided isn't the right word but it's like, wow, you were being so mistreated and so disrespected that you couldn't even realize it at the time. I was being so lied to, manipulated, gaslighted, disrespected.  that I couldn't even recognize it because I was so stuck into it and it felt so normal. 

And that has been so healing, especially on days  where I second guess myself,  and I look back at those journal entries and I'm like, no, that, that was really real. I can't self blame myself. I can't self gaslight myself that all of that happened was so real.

And it was actually so much worse than I thought it was at the time. So journaling can be so helpful.  And, now when I journal, I journal nice things about myself. I celebrate my accomplishments, my mini milestones, however small or large they may be. And I hype myself up in it because I want to be that person that I can go to to celebrate these moments with.

That's not to say I don't get it. Reach out to my friends or family when something exciting happens, but there's something so powerful about celebrating that with yourself.

Something I found so helpful is days when I wake up just feeling super anxious or stressed, I would just take my journal and I'd just set a timer for five minutes and just write pen to paper for five minutes  without taking the pen off the paper and just write and write and write and see what comes up and you can finally get Those thoughts out, but I also love to write positive things about myself writing love letters to myself Like hey, I'm so proud of you for doing this or wow I can't believe you overcame this or wow You would have never done this five years ago  what an accomplishment good for you and like  celebrate that with yourself

Another thing to tap into our self love is just do one thing every day that makes you smile. One thing every day. Intentionally go out of your way to go do one thing for yourself. Whether that be going to dance to one song in your room with your headphones on. Whether that be listening to a comedian.

Whether it be finding ways to just incorporate laughter and joy into yourself. This is so important, especially after being cheated on and coming out of a or being in an unhealthy relationship. It is so, so, so important.

And another thing, if you just came out of being cheated on, whatever it may be, this sounds so basic, but it is so important. You need to shower and prioritize your hygiene every single day.  Brush your teeth, brush your hair,  wash your body, your face, shower. This is huge, and  I really underestimated how much of a difference this could make in my day. Do a body scrub,  exfoliate.

Days where I woke up, and I brushed my teeth, and I showered, and I washed my face, there weren't many days like that to be honest, because I was just so exhausted and gutted and just in such a helpless state. But days where I did that, was so helpful. So just prioritize your hygiene. It's such a small thing and it's something that you actually do have control over.

You can control making time to shower and brush your teeth, so prioritize that.

Another thing that's really helpful after discovering you were cheated on is create a community of people around you that supports you.

If you left the relationship, you likely just lost your best friend and you feel like you lost this person that you always went to. But now you have this beautiful opportunity where you get to create a community of a bunch of people that you can go to  Check in with your friends send them nice texts There's probably so much love that you are giving to this person That you can now go give love to other people and you will then feel that love in return because your friends are of course Going to give that love back to you.

And if they don't they're not your true friends and on another note Do you have single friends? I can't iterate how much it can help to spend most of your time with single friends. I'm not saying you need to cut off your friends that are dating, but it is going to bring you some grief because they're going to talk about their partner and it's going to make you miss them. 

You have an open wound and you just need to be extra gentle with yourself.  After I left my relationship, I would say 99 percent of my friends were dating. So I started going to yoga classes, finding events on Eventbrite and just showing up to random events alone. And to my surprise, most of the people that were there were single.

So I started to spend time with them and most of them had just gotten out of a breakup within the past year. So that was really healing to be able to find new groups of friends that who could relate and again, that's not to say you have to cut off your friends who are relationships, of course, keep and nurture those relationships but it's Wouldn't hurt to also find friends who are single another thing that can just be really helpful, just go help others, volunteer, go find a place to volunteer, even if it's for one hour a month. 

It feels good when we help other people and that in turn will make yourself feel more loved because you will feel like you are doing a good deed to help others.

Another helpful thing to ask yourself if you left the relationship or if you're still in it is,  What does this person provide you that you aren't able to provide yourself? What do they do for you that makes you feel loved and special and appreciated? And can you then and go do those things for yourself? 

For example, something I really liked is that my, my ex and I, we'd always go on fun dates and that made me feel loved. So, I started taking myself out on fun dates and whether I go alone or bring a friend, I would plan these fun things to go do. And that gave me that sense of adventure so again, just learning how to love ourselves, especially coming out of a breakup, especially coming out of being cheated on. It is hard because society never teaches us how to love ourselves, and especially as women, we are always told that we are not enough, and that something is wrong with us, and we are always told that we need to change parts of ourselves.

But learning to just love yourself is really when all the magic happens. And that's when all your life just starts to transform and you start to make healthier relationship decisions, healthier lifestyle decisions, like the way everything will just start to change. So find your love language if you can.

Again, there's free quizzes online. Do some inner child healing work.  Find photos if you can, talk to yourself as a child, , become really aware of the thoughts that  you're saying to yourself, write them down  and then try to swap them out for every bad thought, follow up with a compliment or an affirmation for yourself.

Also write notes and post it notes on your walls of just things that make you feel good so that you can constantly go back to them when you're feeling low, talk to yourself in the mirror, make eye contact with self. Make that. What? One on one connection as if you were talking to a friend. 

Journaling can be so helpful, especially even if you want to help your future self start journaling now so you can look back at those entries and make sure you shower and prioritize, create a community of people around you that support you and just go do something that makes you smile and makes you laugh and just something that just makes you feel good every single day.

No one is going to do the work for you. You have to become your biggest advocate for yourself because the world loves you. to just society just loves to fucking crush women and destroy our self esteem and to make us feel like we're not enough and to blame ourselves and to keep us in situations and relationships that aren't good for us but no fuck that like i want to see you fucking rise like an like a phoenix out of the ashes just you have to be your number one cheerleader you will either be your biggest bully and your biggest critic or you can become your biggest cheerleader and your hype woman and Again, it's going to be gradual.

It's small incremental things every single day. Equivalent to if you were trying to lose weight. You can't just  do things two times a week and expect there to be big changes. Try to do something, 10 minutes every single day. And if you didn't set  your screen time on your phone, go do that because it will really make you realize that, okay, yes, I do have 10 minutes to prioritize myself every day. 

So again, I hope this was helpful. 

And the best way to help this podcast grow is by subscribing or following it and leaving a rating that will just help the algorithm Push this out to more people who need help and more women who are feeling isolated during this journey and to know that they're not Alone,

If you want to follow along for more resources, you can follow on Instagram or TikTok at  wtfdoidnow. I'll include the link in the show notes. And again, if you are ever looking for a support group,  if you just found out you're part partner had a secret porn or sex addiction. Feel free to reach out to me on Instagram.

You can just say support group. You don't need to share any of your story if you don't want to. And I'll send you a link for one.  I didn't make it. I am just a member of it. This isn't like a weird marketing scheme. It has just been so helpful.  So I  just want women to know that resources are available to help them and that they're not alone during this

  So thank you so much for listening, and I hope you have a great day Bye