As a child wrapped in the comfort of my Christian upbringing, I never imagined the trials that my faith and mental well-being would endure. Today, I lay bare the intricacies of navigating the stormy waters of adolescence, mental health, and spirituality. In an intimate reflection, I recount the lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation that have been the bedrock of my journey, particularly during the solemnity of Good Friday. The echoes of Christmas and Easter within my life serve as beacons, reminding me of the delicate dance between joy and suffering, and the resilience found in embracing vulnerability.
The conversation takes a heartfelt turn, delving into themes of betrayal and redemption that have marked my personal narrative. I share stories of feeling abandoned in times of need and confront the discomfort of acknowledging my own failures. Yet, in this vulnerability, I find a message of hope. I draw parallels to the humbling rite of foot washing, which for me, symbolizes the bridge to unconditional love despite our imperfections. Bjørn Eidsvåg's music has been a companion in my spiritual growth, and his melodies about betrayal and forgiveness resonate deeply. Join us as we journey through the landscape of human frailty and the redemptive power of faith.
The song I am talking about in the episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKhxzbNf7p0
Translation in English: https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Bj%C3%B8rn-Eidsv%C3%A5g/Kyrie/translation/english
As a child wrapped in the comfort of my Christian upbringing, I never imagined the trials that my faith and mental well-being would endure. Today, I lay bare the intricacies of navigating the stormy waters of adolescence, mental health, and spirituality. In an intimate reflection, I recount the lessons of forgiveness and reconciliation that have been the bedrock of my journey, particularly during the solemnity of Good Friday. The echoes of Christmas and Easter within my life serve as beacons, reminding me of the delicate dance between joy and suffering, and the resilience found in embracing vulnerability.
The conversation takes a heartfelt turn, delving into themes of betrayal and redemption that have marked my personal narrative. I share stories of feeling abandoned in times of need and confront the discomfort of acknowledging my own failures. Yet, in this vulnerability, I find a message of hope. I draw parallels to the humbling rite of foot washing, which for me, symbolizes the bridge to unconditional love despite our imperfections. Bjørn Eidsvåg's music has been a companion in my spiritual growth, and his melodies about betrayal and forgiveness resonate deeply. Join us as we journey through the landscape of human frailty and the redemptive power of faith.
The song I am talking about in the episode: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sKhxzbNf7p0
Translation in English: https://www.musixmatch.com/lyrics/Bj%C3%B8rn-Eidsv%C3%A5g/Kyrie/translation/english
Welcome to a new episode. There is a poet and musician I love to follow in Norway. His name is Trygve Skau. He is very popular. While he also talks openly about mental health issues, several people find comfort in listening to his songs.
Speaker 1:
One time Trygve was criticized for being open about his Christian faith. One of his Instagram followers asked him Can't you just keep your religions private? He then answered the short answer is no. Today I will talk about my faith. Yes, I am a Christ follower, a Christian. Most of my episodes will be secular, but now and then I will talk about my faith journey. Feel free to listen to both the secular and the faith-based episodes, or just choose to not listen to one of them if it's not for you, or just choose to not listen to one of them if it's not for you. In another episode, I will talk more about my mental health journey in a secular way, so wait for more info to come. This time I will mainly focus on the faith journey.
Speaker 1:
It is Good Friday. When I do this podcast, I have problems understanding the English word Good Friday. In Norway, we use a much more depressing word for that day Lang fredag. Directly translated to English Long Friday, a day of grief and sorrow. Jesus died on a cross this day, tortured and humiliated, but still he loves us unconditionally. How is that even possible? My relationship with Jesus is powerful.
Speaker 1:
I grew up in a Christian home and this made a good foundation of my adulthood. My grandmothers and Jesus were my best role models. When I was a child I had a healthy, christ-centered faith, but when I was a child I was happy and satisfied. Then, in my teenage years, my mental health struggles started to visit my brain regularly and it also sometimes made my faith unhealthy. I was lost in all the rules in the Bible and thought about God as an authority figure and not a father with unconditionally love. In my teenage years I attended a wonderful church and received a lot of love from leaders of the youth club I will say Christ-centered, unconditional love who was not disturbed since I did not always behave well at the meetings. I will never forget that and I am also so grateful that in spite of all my struggles, I have always been a part of a healthy Christian environment.
Speaker 1:
I know that preachers with no mental health understanding sometimes can be abusive in their prayers Trying to control illness from people's bodies. They only make people feel bad about themselves and not worthy for God if the illness won't leave their body or mind. Lucky for me, I only met priests and leaders that fully accepted my mistakes and my mental illness. Never in my life I have met a preacher that would pray away my sorrow and pain. They fully respected me and all my hurdles. Jesus became more like a brother to me and not the authorian God. He just disappeared from my mind.
Speaker 1:
Now I focus on the love. I tend to be more religious both at Christmas and Easter time. At Christmas time, baby Jesus reminds me of the love I feel for my own children. When I wait for Christmas, it reminds me of my three pregnancies and all the love I felt for the child I still haven't met yet. I cry a lot at Christmas time, but it's often tears of happiness and gratitude. I know that God gave us the most precious gift this time of year, and what is more precious and beautiful than a newborn child time of year? And what is more precious and beautiful than a newborn child?
Speaker 1:
At Easter time, I reflect on the opposite, but yet also just as crucial part of life. You see, illness and death comes to us all. We, the human beings, want to conquer the world, and most of us define ourselves in our strengths and not our weaknesses my mental health condition has taught me the opposite to see how strong weaknesses really are. The same God who gives us beautiful baby Jesus at Christmas time is giving us the suffering and dying Jesus at Easter time. We should really reflect on those contrasts and not try to mainly believe in a God that takes away all our pain.
Speaker 1:
I believe in a God that failed his son completely when he let him die alone in suffering. What kind of awful father is that? But at the same time, I believe in the power of forgiveness from his son, jesus Christ. At the same time, I believe in the power of forgiveness from His Son, jesus Christ. He died on the cross this day, good Friday, or Langfredag, as I will say it. Anyway, god gave us life and happiness, but he also gave us suffering and sorrow. In some of the dark times I have had, I have turned my back on God completely. Why should I even believe in you? You betray me again and again, but then Jesus shows me the path to forgiveness and reconciliation. He carried his cross for us all. His disciples betrayed him. His own father betrayed him. We often betray him, but he forgives us. He forgave his disciple, he forgave his father and he also forgives us. In my faith journey, jesus taught me to thank God for giving us life and happiness, but also to forgive God to let us suffer and die. That was a crucial part of my faith journey and the reason why I'm still a Christian today.
Speaker 1:
Another poet and musician that I listen to is Björn Eidsvog. Another poet and musician that I listen to is Bjorn Eidsvog. He wrote a beautiful song in 1984, and it is one of the songs that have followed me my entire life. The message in this song is the betrayal we all do when we turn away from Jesus and His message of unconditional love and the powerful love and forgiveness he gives us in return. I will share some links in the description of this podcast so you can listen to the song, but now I want to read an English translation so you can understand the lyrics.
Speaker 1:
You lay on your knees trembling with fear and the sweat flowed like blood, and the friends you brought slept just peacefully. They failed when you needed them. You gave them everything. They choose the path of least resistance and fail when it mattered, and I would think that I wouldn't do the same. I would have fought for you together, held around you and wiped the sweat away, done what I could just to please you. They sentenced you to death and torment, mock and laugh at you, and one of those who called yours denied and deceived. He failed when you needed them. You gave him everything.
Speaker 1:
He was a weak and wretched man who failed when it matters, and I would think that I wouldn't do the same. I would have fought for you together, held around you and wiped the sweat away, done what I could now just to please you. But I know that I also failed. Deny and deceive. I don't fulfill my duty. I'm heartless and tough, apathetic to the needs of others, often blind to my friend's grief. What does the death of another mean to me? My cold is so firmly a fortress. Despite this, you still love me, forgive me and all my wrongs. Carefully do you undress your coat and begins to wash my feet.
