Caring for someone is a journey with its own unique grief, a path I've walked down myself. It’s a role that transforms you, one where love and sorrow intertwine, and where feeling overwhelmed is often an understatement. In our latest episode, we introduce the Norwegian concept of "livssorg," or "life sorrow", as articulated by Jeanette Røset. We're not here to offer easy solutions but to shed light on the emotional complexities that caregivers endure, and the resilience that can be fostered through self-empathy and the raw acknowledgement of our struggles.
I open up about my battle with depression and how creativity became my beacon of hope; from the stories I crafted to the melodies that carried me through dark times. We discuss the necessity of self-care, likening it to the life-saving instructions given on airplanes: put on your own oxygen mask before you help others. This episode is a heartfelt reminder to all caregivers—you're not alone, your feelings are valid, and it's more than okay to prioritize your own healing. It's a conversation filled with gratitude, touching on the importance of support networks and the courage to rewrite our narratives, even when they’re steeped in life’s inevitable sorrows.
Listen to the music of the talented Taryn Harbridge here. I use one of her songs in the episode, I wonder as I wander.
Caring for someone is a journey with its own unique grief, a path I've walked down myself. It’s a role that transforms you, one where love and sorrow intertwine, and where feeling overwhelmed is often an understatement. In our latest episode, we introduce the Norwegian concept of "livssorg," or "life sorrow", as articulated by Jeanette Røset. We're not here to offer easy solutions but to shed light on the emotional complexities that caregivers endure, and the resilience that can be fostered through self-empathy and the raw acknowledgement of our struggles.
I open up about my battle with depression and how creativity became my beacon of hope; from the stories I crafted to the melodies that carried me through dark times. We discuss the necessity of self-care, likening it to the life-saving instructions given on airplanes: put on your own oxygen mask before you help others. This episode is a heartfelt reminder to all caregivers—you're not alone, your feelings are valid, and it's more than okay to prioritize your own healing. It's a conversation filled with gratitude, touching on the importance of support networks and the courage to rewrite our narratives, even when they’re steeped in life’s inevitable sorrows.
Listen to the music of the talented Taryn Harbridge here. I use one of her songs in the episode, I wonder as I wander.
Before we start, I want to say something. If you haven't listened to episode 5 and 6 in this podcast, I urge you to do it. Then you will have a better understanding of this context. I talk about the borders and discrimination I met as a person struggling with mental health issues and connect it to terms like ableism and criticism of the situation in Norway. In episode 12, I compare Norway and Nepal in the mental health situation, even though we are a wealthy country. Life is not perfect, so please listen to all three episodes and be a part of the conversation. At my social media accounts you find me at Facebook and Instagram as the Norwegian Storyteller and on Patreon as Storyeller. Your life. In this episode I will play some parts of I wonder, as I wonder from taryn harbridge, a talented girl that has her own patreon account. So I will put a link in this episode in the description so you can visit her site, her page, and then you can see where I bought the beautiful music she plays. So, yeah, let's go into this new episode that has a subject, a theme that is really important to me, and I hope that you will listen and learn.
Speaker 1:
The Life doesn't always unfold as we imagine it Unexpected and wince disappointments and losses can leave us grappling with a unique form of grief called livsorg in Norwegian, directly translated to life sorrow. The woman who coined the term livsorg in Norway is named Jeanette Røset. She has personal experience as a caregiver due to her husband's chronic illness. She has become a voice for those living the life of caregivers Sorry. She has become a voice for those living the life of a caregiver. It's not easy. Personally, I have experienced both sides. I've been seriously ill myself and a caregiver. Honestly, I don't know which is harder, because both are tough. As a caregiver, I also learned that there are limits to how much a person can endure. To provide empathy to others, you must first have empathy for yourself. Constant caregiving can lead to burnout, eventually leaving you emotionally detached. This can create a negative cycle of guilt, shame and inadequacy. Now I've dedicated many episodes to mental health and this time I dedicate this episode to all current and former caregivers. Here's my message to you I see you, I see your pain, I see your struggles. I know you are tired. I also understand that you may feel guilty about burdening the person you care for. Life as a caregiver is not easy and I fully emphasize that. I hope this episode gives you the energy to face a new day.
Speaker 1:
You see, in this episode you won't receive specific advice on how to be a caregiver. There is an abundance of such content available if you search the internet. No problem. Let's devoid of empathy and care for those in the situation. Are you a caregiver? Here's a checklist for you. Ta-da, thanks for nothing.
Speaker 1:
However, I'll share a bit about how life as a caregiver can be challenging to handle. As a caregiver, you might frequently experience feelings of inadequacy and failure. There are moments when you might lose sympathy for the person close to you. As a mother, I faced the challenge of raising a child with problems that required significant energy to manage. At times, this made me emotionally distant, unable to provide my daughter with the emotional support she truly needed. Being surrounded by a system that focused solely on parenting, guidance and neglected emotional support left me burned out and constantly exhausted. Emotional support left me burned out and constantly exhausted. So since I dedicated this episode to other caregivers, I'll skip the advice.
Speaker 1:
Instead, I encourage you to allow yourself to feel anger. Dare to be angry about the illness affecting the person you care for the illness. You can be as angry as you want, because that is not the person you care for. That is the illness that breaks the person down. So be angry at the illness. Dare to be angry at those who don't understand, those who fail to support you. Dare to feel. You know it's hard, but also try to understand them. I know you do, but, yeah, keep on. Keep on doing the good work understanding those who don't understand you and there's a lot of those people out there, isn't it? Yeah, well, I understand you, because only the people that are in the situation can truly understand this. So remember, these emotions shouldn't consume you or lead to your demise. In fact, my experience has been quite the opposite. When I allowed myself to feel, I also regained more energy and, yeah, zest for life.
Speaker 1:
Being a caregiver became easier. It wasn't just about sacrificing myself to be there for others. It was about finding a balance between self-care and caring for others. Remember, you are not a superhero and you likely feel that you're not doing a good enough job. That's okay. You weren't necessarily trained to be a caregiver. It entered your life uninvited and you didn't earn a master's degree in preparation. It's okay to make mistakes. It's okay not to be perfect. Be true to yourself and do your best.
Speaker 1:
To give you some context, I want to talk about the situation in Norway, because the mental health services in norway is not good enough. According to the world health organization, vho, norway has more psychiatrists engaged in public health services per capita than any other country. The proportionate numbers of psychologists and other mental health care professionals are also among the world's highest. Approximately 10% of Norway's gross domestic project is spent on health, making the fourth highest internationally. So money, we have a lot of that, no problem, but do we use them right?
Speaker 1:
Most health services in Norway are public and free of charge for inhabitants. However, there are disparities in access to specialized services, preventive measures and discharge follow-ups. Unfortunately, despite these resources, there is widespread dissatisfaction with mental health services in Norway, leading to ongoing debates among professionals, leaders, politicians, journalists and user organizations. Disparities in mental health care utilization A recent study highlighted variations in mental health care utilizing patterns. Presenting suicide particularly leads to socioeconomic status. Men with higher income levels and education had lower mental health care usage prior to suicide, while women and at-risk groups demonstrated higher utilization.
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Urgent mental health care services are available in municipalities offering low threshold treatment for anxiety, depression and substance misuse. The aim is to provide timely support within one or two weeks, and the challenges and criticisms about our country is that we have an expectation crisis. The Norwegian discourse on mental health care reveals a gap between the expectations and the actual services. Some people call it expectations crisis and not a resource crisis, and I totally relate to that Resource constraints. A lack of resources contributes to dissatisfaction with mental health care delivery.
Speaker 1:
Inequality in health care Some services, for instance, dental health, tamaligial services and hearing aids, are not publicly funded, potentially leading to inequality In adequate follow-up. Discharge, follow-ups and coordination need improvement. And Norway also have really high suicide rates and it's a significant public health challenge, but we don't talk so much about it and it's kind of strange because it's like an epidemic and the biggest cause for death in young men in Norway is actually suicide, not traffic accidents or stupid men climbing on big mountaintops without security or, yeah, something like that. It's actually suicide. So now I'm talking about now I want you to think about this information and I want to tell you how it affects you as a human being, because statistics don't always show the stories of the people that are in the statistics. So since I'm a storytelling person, I'm a storyteller, professional storyteller also I want to storytell this now, so you can actually relate to this problem with empathy and compassion, and not just oh poor little rich Norwegians, what do they know about misery? So let's delve into that.
Speaker 1:
Life's sorrow, or the Norwegian word livsorg, refers to the sorrow that arises when life takes an unexpected turn, is when life takes an unexpected turn. It encompasses various life challenges, such as illness, caregiving, relationship breakdowns, involuntary childlessness, loss of work capacity and unfilled dreams. When our envisioned future diverges from reality, we grapple with feelings of grief, loss and uncertainty. Our relationship with grief often assumes that it's a process that will eventually pass. We mourn for a certain period and then we move beyond the sorrow. This perspective is quite common in Norway.
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We tend to view grief and poor health as something to be fixed and overcome. After all, we are children of the welfare state, accustomed to things being resolved. But what happens when they aren't? What if grief never truly ends? What if illness cannot be fixed and the person you care about becomes entirely dependent on you? In such moments, even a well-intentioned Norwegian might find themselves ill-prepared. We lack adequate preparation for this reality. Where are the capable individuals who should assist us now? Feeling lonely in Norway can be incredibly painful. We hold an expectation of the opposite, that everything will work out when it happens. However, even here, that may be far from the truth. There are indeed limits to how much a welfare state can help, and our system faces challenges that cause some individuals to fall deeply and struggle to resurface. Chronically ill individuals may have won a lottery of sorts due to a well-developed health care system that is accessible to all, regardless of economic status, but these individuals and their caregivers need more than just physical assistance. They require psychosocial support as well. This is where our systems fall short.
Speaker 1:
As I mentioned before, I have first-hand experience both as a patient and as a caregiver. In both roles, I encouraged a battle within the system and felt immense disappointment. I've been frustrated with my country and actively engaged in various political issues in Norway Ever since I discovered certain negative aspects of our society. As a young adult in my 20s, I've never been able to remain silent. I've participated in debates, written newspaper articles and dedicated my entire career to storytelling. My passion for uplifting others stems from the fact that I too needed uplifting, but couldn't achieve it alone. By using my storytelling to improve people's lives, I find my own sense of fulfillment.
Speaker 1:
So what did I learn about reading about livsorg. Yeah, life's sorrow. Well, I learned there are two key takeaways. One is acceptance and adaption. You have to accept the situation as a new reality and adapt. You know it won't go away. Unfortunately, maybe it will stick to you forever, you know. So, rather than resisting change and be angry, we can learn to navigate like U-turns with resilience. There's a new life waiting for you now.
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And, yeah, even though it's a negative thing, you have to cope. You have to do it and you have to tackle it. And there are some. A negative thing you have to cope, you have to do it, you have to tackle it. And there are some tools for coping. You know and that's the other key takeaway that Livsorg provides practical tools to help individual. You know, if you have a Livsorg, a life sorrow, you need practical tools to help yourself, to help yourself to cope with your unique grief, and these tools empower you to find meaning, create a new normal and build a brighter future. So I don't know what those tools are. My tool is storytelling. I have another friend that is a yoga instructor. Every time she does yoga she's doing fine. And my daughter? She plays music instruments and she makes a lot of design, design of clothes.
Speaker 1:
And I think looking for the mental well-being in your life is so important because we often focus on therapy and the ill part when we experience those things. And you know, when I went into my 20s and I found out that my first depression I was actually 20 years old and I thought then that, okay, this is. You know, hell. You know it was a really traumatic experience to have depression for the first time in life. And you know, at that time depression was totally new for me. I have never heard the word because I belong to a generation that didn't learn about mental health at school or anything. So it just came into my life like a lightning strike. I was totally unprepared for that, and one of the unpreparing things is that I thought this would go over and on the other side everything would be just great. The sun will shine again. You know there's a light in the end of the tunnel. But hey, now I'm 44 and I still have problems. You know I never got perfectly fine after that, you know.
Speaker 1:
So at a certain point I just needed to get away the idea of one time being healthy, one time get rid of all these mental health problems that I hated and I still hate, you know, but I've learned to love the good parts of it. I learned to turn it upside down, to acknowledge my livsorg and seek support in any way I can do and find a path toward healing and resilience. So, by embracing my livsorg, I found the strength to create a new narrative, one that honors my losses and, yeah, paving the way for a brighter future. Thanks to my livsorg, I am actually a storyteller and I would never be something else. I would never give that away, you know.
Speaker 1:
So I am actually the proof that you can turn a bad situation to a good thing if you really want. But I also know that for some people, that is not what they want to do. They just want to have like a hug when they struggle and they don't see any meaning of it at all. And I also understand that side, because when it comes to my daughter's pain and sorrow, I have never managed to actually make that a good thing. Like I made my own problem a good thing, but I couldn't make my daughter's problems a good thing. Then I just needed to.
Speaker 1:
This is totally unfair and I just, yeah, wanted to take the pain away from her and, just, yeah, make her life good, you know, but it wasn't possible, so I never managed to turn that around to a good situation. But now she's a young adult and she actually has managed that herself. She actually has managed that herself and I'm so proud of her and she is a true superhero who made that effort in life and I think she will also be able to turn around the bad things in life to a good thing, like I did. And as a mother, I wanted to be this role model to her, because when my children was little, I experienced a lot of problems in life, you know, and I didn't want my children to have a mother that always complained about problems and always was in the therapy room and didn't work and didn't do that. I was just a victim. I didn't want to be that person.
Speaker 1:
I just want to be an independent woman, a mother who cared, a mother who showed them the way, a successful mother that had a career and all that. And I became that person. I said to myself my problems does not define me. And I lived my life after that. And it has not been easy, you know, and it's not perfect and I have a lot of problem, but I got over the fact that, yeah, you can have a good life without being perfectly healthy. You know, your life is not perfect, it could be better, but it's good enough.
Speaker 1:
And, with that in mind, I encourage you to, yeah, just hug yourself. If you're just in pain now and everything is black and you find some things, as I say, provocative, because you don't want to see the puzzly parts as well, I just want you to hug yourself. I wish I could have given you a hug if I met you, but I can't. But just hug yourself. Do something you like. Go to a coffee shop, drink a coffee or something. Do yoga, go out in the woods, whatever you like. Just do something good for yourself. Think of yourself as your best friend. That needs support right now. And what support do you need? Well, give it to yourself. Well, thank you for listening and to all my listeners you are worth something and take care of you, take care of your life, goodbye.
