Understanding Trauma's Impact and Healing with Demetria Nickens

How Does Trauma Impact One’s Values And Personality?

Can trauma really reshape our very essence, altering our values and personality in profound ways? On today's illuminating episode of Dove's Inner B.E.A.U.T.Y. Podcast, we welcome the insightful Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach. With over two decades of experience, Demetria takes us on a journey through the complex impact of trauma using her personal story of childhood sexual abuse to highlight the emotional and behavioral shifts that trauma can cause. She explains how trauma can lead to suppressed emotions and a guarded demeanor, yet offers hope in reclaiming one's authentic self through emotional awareness and healing.

This episode also delves into the stark differences between trauma experienced in childhood versus adulthood. Demetria references a pivotal World Health Organization study on Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) to emphasize how early trauma can hinder brain development and influence life choices. Conversely, she discusses how adults may navigate trauma with a slightly greater resilience due to life experiences. Whether you're seeking to understand the nuanced impacts of trauma or looking for ways to begin your healing journey, Demetria's powerful insights are a testament to the resilience of the human spirit and the transformative path to recovery.

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

Welcome to the Dove's Inner Beauty Podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. Leading the way is Demetria Nickens, a certified mental health first aid instructor and trauma recovery coach with over two decades of experience in fostering emotional awareness in others by engaging their mental health.

Speaker 2: 0:32

Join us for a compelling interview with a mental health expert as we explore the profound effects of trauma on individuals' value and personality. Welcome back everyone. This is Garfield Bourne, co-host slash producer, back in the studio with Demetria Nickens. Demetria, how are you doing today?

Speaker 3: 0:52

Hi, I'm good. How are you?

Speaker 2: 0:54

Listen. So, Demetria, how does trauma impact one's value and personality?

Speaker 3: 1:01

So trauma absolutely impacts the values and personalities in ways that people don't even realize. When trauma impacts you as an individual, it impacts not only your emotional outlook. It's going to make an imprint on just who you are as an individual. And so a lot of times what happens with individuals is they may start out with a specific value or something that matters a lot to them, and then trauma happens and the next thing, you know, that thing that mattered to them before doesn't even exist in their world anymore because of the trauma.

Speaker 3: 1:46

So take, for instance, if someone's I don't know, let's say it was sexual abuse in their childhood like myself, sexual abuse in my childhood I value this idea of being able to express my emotions and being able to, you know, cry, just all those things. After trauma happened to me, there was no longer this idea of wanting to express emotions. Right, it was. I didn't want to express them, I wanted to stop them. I didn't want to feel anymore because feeling felt like the trauma, and so it impacted who I was personally, because I wasn't as outgoing. It impacted who my value of being someone that wants to help others because I was afraid of others.

Speaker 3: 2:41

Right, you know, I was very shielded and guarded. And so when you, once you realize that right once I was able to say, oh, this is my trauma still impacting my life, right, I'm able to become more of my authentic self again. I'm able to be a social butterfly, I'm able to talk to people in social situations where I may have been more guarded, not as fearful. Right, when you're able to notice what's happening in your body, when you're able to feel, when you're able to give yourself permission to cry again, you begin to. It changes what you value, it changes who you are as a person, and so you become more authentic into who you really were before the trauma happened to you, depending on when the trauma happened to you. So that's how trauma can assist. A quick example of how trauma can absolutely impact your personality and values.

Speaker 2: 3:43

We know nobody wants trauma, but life happens Right. But life happens Right, yeah. Now I know there's different types of trauma, but how does it vary versus whether it's your childhood, versus being an adult?

Speaker 3: 4:02

Oh man. So when you think about childhood trauma, there was a study done by I believe I believe it was the World Health Organization on Adverse Childhood Experiences and this idea that, as a child, when you have trauma, that trauma impacts how your brain development grows, it impacts how you move throughout the world, it impacts those choices early on in your life. And so when you have they did a whole quiz, they call it an ACES quiz and so and when you have a high score on this quiz, it's basically saying you've had a lot of trauma in your childhood and those things have negatively imprinted and impacted your life in such a way that you probably don't even notice. And so, as a child, trauma impacts you because it starts to change how you think from a very early age. Right, you haven't quite developed how to persevere and how to have resilience and all of those things when you have these childhood traumas that occur. However, when trauma happens, as adult, right, you have one way that you lived, and then trauma happens and then it changes exactly how you live. You know, let's say, your house burnt down right to the ground.

Speaker 3: 5:19

As an adult, right, you have more resilience, you have an ability.

Speaker 3: 5:23

You know you went through other things in your life. While that house burning down is still a trauma to you, you have gathered away previously from previous things that have happened to be able to say, okay, I'm going to get back up from this, it's going to be okay, we can move on right, we can move forward. You have an easier way to travel through that trauma and it really like you said, it depends on type of trauma and what happens. But I really feel like that childhood trauma and the way it impacts how you think it's really an unlearning of all those things from when you were a child as an adult to me and this is just my experience with it I'm not going to say it's completely easier, but I would definitely say that there's a different level of resilience that you have because you've already went through parts of life and you're able to bounce back better once. You are able to feel the emotions and understand where you sit and um and deal with your body and deal with the trauma more effectively than you would as a kid.

Speaker 2: 6:23

I hope that makes sense yeah, I, I know everyone that was listening and they realized that, you know, maybe I do have trauma and maybe it's affecting my values and personalities, and so they want to know, demetria, what's the fix?

Speaker 3: 6:41

Honestly, the fix is, sometimes you need someone to walk you through what is going on, right? Sometimes you need someone to be able to put those puzzle pieces together for you because you don't see it. And so this idea of noticing that you still make decisions that are based in your trauma. Right, maybe I'm making a decision where I don't go out and talk to new people, I don't experience new things, and so I'm keeping myself reserved because I'm scared from that trauma. Well, that's a trauma reaction, right? Is that truly your authentic self? And so this idea of well, what are the truths and the lies that I tell myself? Where does shame come up for me in my life? What is it that I fear the most? Right, understanding what those things are.

Speaker 3: 7:33

And sometimes you need someone to sit with you in some of that stuff, because that stuff is hard to just sit with by yourself. But understanding what some of those things are and then being able to say, ok, do what I like to call pull the thread on that. Well, why is this the case? What is going on? And just continuing to to pull this thread of why helps people to really understand and to try to connect the dots and get these what they call aha moments for themselves, where it's like, oh man, that's right, I do make this decision because of this.

Speaker 3: 8:03

That happened, but is that decision still serving you to this day, or is it hindering you from your progress? And I think sometimes a lot of people don't see that. They don't see how decisions that they make initially wanted to help you, but it doesn't help you now as an adult. And so it helped you then as a kid, but it doesn't help you now. And so how can you stop those trauma reactions from occurring, so that you're served better as an adult and not reacting as a child consistently, over and over and over again?

Speaker 2: 8:32

So, in layman terms, you need a professional to help you unpack all of that Right?

Speaker 3: 8:37

Yeah, it's about unpacking it, right. Sometimes, like I say, you just need someone with you to help unpack it, because it's hard to do it by yourself, right? It's a hard process to sit with your own emotions and to cry by yourself and all those things. And when you have someone that can be there for you, unpack some of that, help you understand it. Put the pieces you know in more of a picture instead of just randomly everywhere. It absolutely helps. Love it, demetria. You have in more of a picture instead of just randomly everywhere. It absolutely helps.

Speaker 2: 9:05

Love it. Demetria, you have a wonderful rest of the day. We'll see you in the next episode.

Speaker 3: 9:08

Thank you.

Speaker 1: 9:15

Thank you for tuning in to the Doves Inner Beauty podcast, where we foster emotional awareness, one individual at a time. For a complimentary consultation, visit DovesInnerBeautycom.