To round out our training special populations series we finish strong with how to best navigate the turbulent seas of parenting and coaching. Leanne walks us through the highs and lows of raising children and teenagers and the parallels of parenting and coaching young people.
From the TV battlegrounds in our family room to heartfelt chats about the future, we uncover the art of treating young people like equals and the magic it conjures in their critical thinking and engagement.
Top Takeaways from today's show:
The importance of spontaneity and play
Why "laying down the law" is the fastest way to ruin your children's hopes and dreams completely
How questions lead to growth and understanding
Whether you're knee-deep in parenting teens or you're someone who yearns for a deeper connection with the young folks in your life, our candid conversation serves up a hearty blend of advice, laughter, and inspiration to energise your family dynamics.
To round out our training special populations series we finish strong with how to best navigate the turbulent seas of parenting and coaching. Leanne walks us through the highs and lows of raising children and teenagers and the parallels of parenting and coaching young people.
From the TV battlegrounds in our family room to heartfelt chats about the future, we uncover the art of treating young people like equals and the magic it conjures in their critical thinking and engagement.
Top Takeaways from today's show:
The importance of spontaneity and play
Why "laying down the law" is the fastest way to ruin your children's hopes and dreams completely
How questions lead to growth and understanding
Whether you're knee-deep in parenting teens or you're someone who yearns for a deeper connection with the young folks in your life, our candid conversation serves up a hearty blend of advice, laughter, and inspiration to energise your family dynamics.
Welcome to Uplift you, creating strong bodies and mind. Get ready to power up your day with practical strength training tools, inspiring stories and build resilience of body and mind. It's time to Uplift you, together with your host, leanne Knox. Welcome back to Uplift you. Today I will round out my three-part series on coaching and interacting with different age populations out my three-part series on coaching and interacting with different age populations.
Speaker 1:
Before I get into it today, I'd like to once again thank my friend Kate, whose cupboard I have become very fond of over the last six episodes. I really enjoy walking into the cupboard once a week or twice a week and seeing what new clothes are in the cupboard. Today it's like jackpot surprise. And for those of you that don't know, who hadn't listened to my first few episodes, because we live in the Whitsundays with such wonderful internet, we haven't got enough quality internet to record the podcast. So I pack up my table, my microphone, my computer, my bag of goodies and I've been coming to my best friend Kate's place to sit in her cupboard and record these great episodes just for you. So before I get on to my podcast. So before I get on to my podcast, I'd like to say that the next episode. I could quite possibly have some visuals once I get Starlink set up, and I certainly hope so, because on my next episode I'll be having a physical guest and I'm pretty sure the two of us are not going to fit in here. And, for those of you who know me, my physical guest is actually going to be my other half. Yes, steve, my husband is coming on and we're going to talk about and expand on the exact topic of today's episode, which is coaching and interacting and parenting children and teenagers. And before you ask me, if ever you get to, because I've been asked this question many times yes, we do own a TV, several of them, in fact. So on to today's show.
Speaker 1:
As I just mentioned, I have six children who are now mostly grown up. I have a very good friend who once said to me Leanne, I'm going to give you a little bit of advice about children. He said small children, small problems, big children, big problems. And yes, after having six children, I can see there is some merit in that statement. So today I'm going to discuss my top three insights that I've gained over the last 33 years of parenting and coaching young people, people. So my number one insight is you get to create a platform of understanding and relatability. Relatability, and what I mean by that is when you're interacting either with your children or people that you're coaching, or the young people that you're coaching, instead of taking on the. I am the authority here and you are a child and therefore you will listen to me because I'm your elder.
Speaker 1:
What I like to do is think of what, how did I feel when I was that age? What would I have thought when I was that age? Which teachers was I drawn to, and which teachers do I particularly remember being a teenager? And, more importantly, why do I particularly remember those teachers? What qualities did they have that really made me stop and listen to what they were trying to teach me?
Speaker 1:
And right here I'd like to talk about one of my favourite teachers from high school, whose name was Brian Maloney. Brian was actually, in my younger years, as a 12 and 13-year-old, one of my PE teachers, and as I went into year 11 and 12, brian became my modern history teacher. And the reason I particularly remember Brian being such a wonderful teacher and mentor was because, instead of him placing himself above me or me feeling like, oh you know, he's a teacher, he's on his agenda. He's talking at me. Brian was very good at talking to you and with you, and he stopped and got to know his pupils on a personal basis. So when I say, create a platform of understanding and a platform where kids and young people and teenagers feel like you can relate to them, in order to do that, you need to take a step back and think about what it was like to be that age.
Speaker 1:
So, going back to Brian, one of the greatest attributes that Brian had as my teacher was he looked into our futures. He didn't just say look, you're in year 12. This is what you need to do to pass your modern history assignment Write like this, structure your words like this structure your paragraphs, like that, and just get it done. No, what Brian actually did was he inspired us to take that step above that and he said when you go to university, this is the level that you would be expected to write at. And that was a really empowering moment for me as a year 12 modern history student, and I was thinking, wow, this teacher is actually teaching me something that I can use in my future life If I decide to go to university. He's actually teaching me skills that I need right now, that I can use right now and get good at before I even get to university. He also spent a lot of time teaching us about the concept of critical thinking and, instead of just explaining it as a concept, he actually role-played it, and this allowed us to really grasp onto those concepts, because he put himself into that moment and, with critical thinking, he would say something that we disagreed with, deliberately, so that we were invested in the process.
Speaker 1:
And in order to get a teenager invested in the process, in other words, really get them to want to be there and want to learn, the topic that you are teaching them, or the information that you're giving them, needs to be relatable to those teenagers and those young people. So it's a matter of understanding where those teenagers are. What are the current trends? What are teenagers into? Why do they like the things that they currently like? Even if you are generations removed and the narrative in your head is I don't understand these teenagers. What's so good about TikTok? Why are you spending all your time on screens? Take a step back and look at what are they getting out of spending their time on screens, for example. So it's that understanding and being relatable to the young people and the teenagers that you are teaching, so you, those teenagers, can have a conversation with you and think, wow, this person, this teacher, really understands me.
Speaker 1:
Now, in a practical sense, how would I do that in a coaching environment, coaching Olympic weightlifting? Well, I do have a definite advantage here because I have done Olympic weightlifting myself and I have done it for 10 years. And by extension of that, not only have I done Olympic weightlifting, I've also been a competitive gymnast, I've also got to quite a high level in touch football. So what I do is I bring in my experiences of those moments in sport that are very relatable to the young person that I'm coaching. So, as a lifter, for example, I'm going to talk about lifting now.
Speaker 1:
As a lifter really wants to get this one weight let's say 100 kilo, clean and jerk, because the 100 number is always something people strive for in the lifting world and they're continuing to try and they keep attempting the 100 and they just can't quite get it. So what do you say to the young person at that time? What do you say to them that allows them to continue to fail that weight as they're learning and navigating the ability to either get the correct timing or get strong enough even to be able to lift that weight, to keep them in the game, to keep them in the sport. Because that's where the real challenge comes in when it comes to a lot of sport. Because if you are creating a training environment where the teenager feels safe enough to fail and here's an important thing safe enough to fail in front of their peers and in front of an audience at a competition and be able to walk away from that and say it's okay, this is what I've learned from that. This is what I need to continue to practice, to get better at, so that next time when I try that 100 kilo clean and jerk, I will have a much better chance of achieving it.
Speaker 1:
And this is where the experience comes in, this is where the relatability comes in. You can say to them I've been there, I understand, I understand what you're thinking, I understand what you're feeling. I get the frustration. And let me tell you from my experience that if you continue to show up to training, if you continue to work on all the small things that may just be holding you back from getting that clean for example, maybe their elbows are coming through too slow, maybe when they catch the bar, they're falling forward. So you isolate the small things that they can change in order to achieve that goal and tell them that it's okay to fail, because when you fail you then get the opportunity to see what you now need to continue to work on.
Speaker 1:
And there is a power in when you're teaching or coaching or even parenting your child. There is a massive power in being able to relate to them, in being able to say to them that happened to me. I remember when I did that, I remember when I was in a similar situation and this is what I did and I got through it and it's okay to be where you're at because that's part of learning. So that would be my number. That is my number one point in coaching parenting point, in coaching parenting young people and teenagers. And moving on to my second point a really great way to approach some difficult, very difficult life situations that you need to navigate in raising teenagers, in teaching teenagers, in coaching teenagers especially.
Speaker 1:
I'm focusing on the teenagers here because the teenage years are the ones where they're finding their spot in the world, they're creating their identity and, of course, it's a very tumultuous time. They're trying to find where do I fit in in this world? What am I good at? Who do I want to spend my time with? And then there's the added pressure, if they're at school, of what do you want to do when you finish school? And listen, I'm 52 and I've just done a flip on what I've thought that I wanted to do. So how we expect a 13 or a 14-year-old to know what they want to do is a very good question. So on to my second point. It is don't make it too deep.
Speaker 1:
Young people love humor, they love lightheartedness, they love to be able to have a laugh about something. So, rather than when something goes, when they do something wrong, when they stray off course, when they make the wrong decision, my very first reaction is to either laugh or make a bit of a joke about the situation. To begin with, because that once again comes back to being approachable as a parent, being approachable as a coach and allowing that person the space and the opportunity to realize that, essentially, we act and react to situations in similar ways, the difference being, when you're younger, you don't have the experience and, let me say, the wisdom in knowing how to control your reaction or becoming aware of why you're feeling the way that you are feeling. So if you bring in a little bit of fun, laughter, reflection, like look back and go, oh man, that was a pretty stupid decision, wasn't it? But hell, we've all done it Then straight away that person feels like they haven't failed you, they haven't failed themselves and that it's okay that they've made a mistake. And what can they do to reflect on that and grow from that and learn more about who they are.
Speaker 1:
So different ways that I do this, bringing this lightheartedness and humor into the coaching world, is I like to introduce competition, friendly competition, if there is such a thing. So, for example, just one day when they walk into training, instead of starting with your okay, let's warm up and do the here's your warm up, let's say righty-o, first person to 50 push-up wins, and it's an amazing way to get young people and teenagers engaged in the process, just introducing that little bit of competition where they love to rise to the occasion of trying to beat their mates, and that's a great strategy that I've found works really well in the coaching world for teenagers and, by extension, because I do still coach quite a lot of young people, as you would have heard on my last podcast, even kids that are two years old. The one thing they really love is the concept of play. So instead of having a warm-up, that is, let's say, push-ups, sit-ups, box jumps, for example turn it into a game. Turn it into a relay where they have to do wheelbarrow races with one another. Partner work in the physical world works fantastic. So grab a partner and grab their legs. I want you to wheelbarrow your friend up to the end, where they have to do five push-ups. Turn around, wheelbarrow them back where you have to do five push-ups. I can guarantee you, if you turn your training, their training, into more of a game, or have several games throughout their training, you will get a lot more engagement, a lot more enjoyment. And here's the most important thing that I've found, especially in the sport of Olympic weightlifting and powerlifting they will continue to show up day in, day out, month after month and, most importantly, year after year. When you're involved in individual sports that don't have a lot of natural teamwork involved, then creating the opportunities to do partner work, to do group work, to do partner challenges, small little competitions, makes all the difference to their enjoyment of that sport and retaining them in that sport.
Speaker 1:
Now I'm hearing the parents thinking how do I put this type of strategy into my parenting? Well, you know what I can guarantee you. If you go out into the yard, if you've been having a bit of a tough time with your teenager lately and they've been doing all the apparently the wrong things at school, for example playing up in class the list goes on. The amount of phone calls that I got from my kids' high school. If I had a dollar for every phone call letter that I got home, I wouldn't need to coach anymore. So if you're having one of those times where your child just seems to be going from one drama to the next, if you go outside with your child just seems to be going from one drama to the next, if you go outside with your child and say hey, just say to them out of the blue, let's have a race. I'm going to race you 20 meters in the yard to see who can win right.
Speaker 1:
And just break into those type of spontaneous activities where you're playing with your child, where you're engaging with them on a physical basis. It is amazing how much that opens up conversations. So it opens up laughter, it opens up play, it opens up once again that relatability, that you're on their level and that you understand that sometimes life doesn't really need to be that deep. You don't have to be giving your child life lessons 24-7. Sometimes it's nice just to be with your child and be like a child with them again. So play, laughter, competition and fun are definitely part of my second piece of, I'd like to say, my strategies for coaching and parenting young people and teenagers.
Speaker 1:
And moving on to my third point, which is relate to your young people in your life rather than react. So what do I mean by relate rather than react? I've already touched on this in the other two points. If your child does something that's like totally out of line, okay, or if they say something that's totally out of line, rather than react straight up and say that's the wrong thing to do, you've made the wrong choice.
Speaker 1:
Ask them some questions. Learn to relate to them by asking questions, because questions pull, answers push. So when you ask people questions, you pull them into both what you're saying to them and into themselves. Questions allow someone to reflect on why they did what they did Much more effective than giving them your opinion on what they did and why that was wrong. So remember when you're relating to your teenage child or relating to the athletes that you're coaching. If there's something they're doing or saying that you really don't understand and you can see they're going a little bit off course, then ask them what did you get out of that action? What was going through your mind when you decided to do that? How did that make you feel when you did that? So ask them questions and continue to ask them questions until you see that aha moment, because I can guarantee you, with enough questions, that that child is going to have an aha moment without you expressing your opinion and without you even having the opportunity to tell them whether you think that that was right or wrong.
Speaker 1:
So what we're essentially doing here is we're teaching children to think about their thinking. They are contrary to what you would sometimes believe. They are actually thinking human beings. Their thinking is actually something that is in the background a lot of the time. We know that males in particular, boys in particular their prefrontal cortex is very slow to develop and, in fact, it's not fully developed until they're in their mid to late 20s. So a 17-year-old boy like my son, matthew, who makes decisions like I'm going to go down to the local waterfall waterhole with my girlfriend in the car and I've got a really cool Hilux and I'm going to go as fast as I can down that gravel road because that's going to impress my girlfriend. She's going to think I'm really cool. So off goes Matthew, down to the local waterhole with his girlfriend and he goes around the corner just a little bit too fast and tips the car and fortunately it didn't end with too many tears. It ended with the tow truck being called to tip the car back up, but Matthew and his girlfriend were fortunately very safe. They climbed out of there.
Speaker 1:
Now, at that time we could have reacted with what the hell were you thinking? Why the hell did you do that? Or we could have reacted with the question how did that make you feel when you tipped your car? How did that make your girlfriend feel? What was going through your mind as you were going down that gravel road? What made you make that decision? And in that process, instead of Matthew reacting in fear and shame because that's usually the first two emotions that come up in teenagers when they feel cornered, when they feel like they're being judged first of all they're fearful because they don't want to get in trouble and secondly, they're ashamed because they've made a decision that has impacted not only themselves but other people.
Speaker 1:
So this is just one of many examples that I have of raising teenagers and thinking back to my teenager, my time as a teenager. I was 17, the same age as Matthew, and when I fell pregnant with my first child and at that time it was, um, not certainly not well received that a 17 year old should become pregnant, because what were you thinking? What do you think you're going to be able to raise a child at the age of 17 when you haven't even got a job? These are the sort of questions um, well, or should I say not even questions, but statements that were thrown at me, even one of the statements being well, you've ruined the rest of your life. Now that's it. That's it. You're, you're going to be and you're a no-hoper because you're having a child at the age of 17. You're not going to get anywhere in life and you've ruined your life. So those are the statements. There weren't any questions that pulled. There were lots of statements and answers that pushed.
Speaker 1:
And how did that affect me as I grew up and got older? Well, one very big way that I reacted to that was, firstly, at the time I crossed my arms, I crossed my legs figuratively, and when I say I crossed my arms, I became very closed off to anyone's opinion because of the way that people react with statements. So their statements and their answers to what they thought was going to help me actually pushed me away. They pushed me away because I'd already made the decision that I was going to keep the baby. I didn't morally feel right in having an abortion and, believe me, that was something that was suggested to me at that time. I did not feel morally right in having an abortion at the age of 17. I viewed that six-week old fetus baby as a person.
Speaker 1:
And here is my other big takeaway from dealing with young people and coaching young people and being a parent in that one word that I just used they are young human beings. They are people in their own right. They're not aliens, they're not some weird species of human being. They're a young human being and I treat them as young human beings. So as I got older, that statement really did stick in my head You're not going to make anything of your life. And instead of allowing that to affect me in shrinking back and believing that statement, what that statement actually did was made me so determined to make something of my life.
Speaker 1:
I'd like to think that as adults, as older human beings, we keep that in mind when we're talking to young people, in being like my teacher, brian Maloney, in inspiring them to look to the future and look at themselves as young human beings who have the world at their feet, and to teach them to think about their thinking, to teach them to that real, solid self-worth and the identity of being their own person and not trying to live up to other people's standards. So, in recapping this episode, yes, teaching teenagers can be extremely frustrating. I don't know how many times I have had to stop and say the same thing over and over again and try and get that teenage engaged in the process, because a lot of the times, what you'll find is teenagers are there not for the process that you want them to be there for. They're there to relate to their friends. Their friends are their entire world.
Speaker 1:
As young people grow into teenagers, the most influential group of people that will influence their identity, their behaviors, their thinking, their actions is their friend group. Young human beings relate to their friends, what's important to them, what makes them happy, and use those preferences, use what the young person loves to relate to them, and in order to do that, you need to get to know what those things are. So it requires lots of questions and it requires spending time with teenagers spending time with teenagers outside of the educational or the guiding parent role or the guiding parent role. Step back, have a bit of fun, have a laugh, have a play. You know, jump in the pool, race your teenager in the pool, race them in the yard, give them an arm wrestle. Those are the moments where the teenager who you think is impenetrable, like, how do I get through to them? That's where they let their guards down. That's where you can start to understand why they're thinking and acting the way that they are.
Speaker 1:
So, moving on from this last solo cast episode, as I have already mentioned, I'm going to start bringing on some fantastic and exciting guests into the Uplift you podcast, the first one being my husband, whose name is Steve, and in the next conversation, steve and I are going to talk about the way that we have helped uplift one another, how we've helped uplift our children and how we've helped uplift our family and who has helped uplift us in that process, and I can't wait to be listening to someone else's voice instead of just my own voice, instead of just my own, and I thank you for being here and hope that you find everything or something today to help uplift you. Until next time, stay strong, bye.
