UpLIFT You: Strong Body, Strong Mind
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UpLIFT You: Strong Body, Strong Mind
17 | Building Minds and Helping Families Thrive with Matt Clark
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Discover how to transform your parenting journey and strengthen family resilience as we welcome Matt Clark, a mindset coach and educator with an incredible story. Learn how Matt navigated his own resistance to a teaching legacy, moved across continents, and ultimately found his calling in supporting families and empowering youth.
Today, you'll learn:
- How to explore the evolving dynamics between education and parenting
- Practical insights into bridging the home-school divide.
- Strategies for parents to build strong relationships with teachers and support growth mindset initiatives
- Powerful personal stories that highlight the importance of being a positive role model and demonstrating resilience in the face of life's challenges.
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Evolution of Education and Youth Resilience
Speaker 1Welcome to Uplift you , creating strong bodies and mind . Get ready to power up your day with practical strength training tools , inspiring stories and build resilience of body and mind . It's time to Uplift you , together with your host , leanne Knox . Welcome to another episode of Uplift you . Today I'm really excited to welcome another coach and someone who has actually quite a lot in common with me , matt Clark . Matt is a father of five . He's a mindset coach and a seasoned educator . Matt began his career teaching physical education in England in 2005 . He then moved to Costa Rica and , most recently , spain , where he now lives with his partner and five children . Today he channels his expertise into his coaching business , where he supports families to thrive through challenging times . So thank you , matt , for being a guest on Uplift you and welcome to the show .
Speaker 2Thanks very much , pleasure to be here .
Speaker 1So , matt , before we delve into how you help both parents and children and teenagers become better versions of themselves through unlocking their stories and limiting beliefs , I would like to draw some interesting parallels that we share . You are a physical education teacher . In fact , I just read that you finished in 2005 . And , thinking back , I finished mine in I'm sure it was 2005 as well . Yeah , which is funny . You have five children , I have six . You just need one more . Would that be possible ?
Speaker 2Yeah , not possible . No , not possible , okay Right .
Speaker 1Five is acceptable , then , and you love to stay fit , strong and healthy . So in thinking about those parallels , can you ? When I think about myself and my journey , because we share those parallels I think back to where did I discover my love of working with younger people ? So can you think back to a time as a younger Matt , where you discovered your passion for working with younger people , because obviously they're a big part of your life ?
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , I mean it goes . It goes a long way back and then there was a gap . So I mean , when I was at school , I I was always into sports and one of the things that they do in the UK is they give you this thing called work experience . You get to go and work at a place for a few weeks at the end of year 10 , I think it was . So I'm about 14 years old and I got sent to a sports there's a swimming pool with a gym and other things going on and I loved that environment . I absolutely loved it . That led to me becoming a lifeguard . It led to me being in that kind of environment , um , from a very young age and I became a swimming teacher . That was my one of my first paid jobs during the summers uh , lifeguarding and swim teaching and I was teaching kids swimming classes and I loved that .
Speaker 1I loved that . How old were you ? You then ? I ?
Speaker 2guess I would have been about 18 at that point . So I did the lifeguarding thing for a few years . You can do that from age 16 in the UK . So I was in that environment finishing my final years at school and then I realized you get paid better money for teaching swimming classes than you can for just standing by the side of a ? Uh lifeguarding . So I did that , loved it , worked a lot of summer camps , you know . You know working with kids , doing sports camps and things like that as well .
Speaker 2And then , uh , yeah , there's a bit of a gap , because I went to university , uh , studied sports science , uh , came out of that , tried to shift my path for whatever reason I don't know Tried to shift into something more business-orientated . I think I was feeling like you know , there's no money in this or I'll need to go back and get a PhD or a master's in order to make something of this sports science degree . So I ended up doing a bunch of jobs that really weren't for me in my early 20s . And it wasn't until my mid-20s 2005 , where I actually got with the program and realized this isn't what I want to do at all and found my way back into teaching and loved straight , straight away all over again , in fact .
Speaker 2Yeah , the job that I was doing at the time I really didn't like um , but I did get an opportunity to go and do some work in a school , working with children , with , with special educational needs , um , and that environment was so rewarding that it really did confirm to me yeah , you know , you need to be a teacher , dude , like just just go for it . Um , there's a lot of teachers in my family , in fact . My grandfather was a headmaster , my , my grandmother was a assistant head teacher as well , and I've got cousins and aunts and uncles who are in the teaching profession and some part of me was resisting following that same family path for a while . Um , and then you know , some different , a different series of events led me back to it and I and I went for it and and loved it .
Speaker 1So that's really interesting there that you say that some part of you was resisting , following , you know , in your family's footsteps . What do you think the reason for that ? Where do you think that resistance comes from ?
Speaker 2Good question . Um , I would say there was a little fear of of not living up , you know not , not not being good enough to do that , perhaps . Uh , that's definitely a fear that I've , I think a lot of people have , and it's definitely one that I've come to to terms with in doing the work that that , some of the work that you and I've both done along our coaching journeys , um , so I would definitely say some some fear there , uh , and I don't know , I don't know why I felt the need to resist that particular pathway . Uh , because I'd always loved working with kids , as I said , you know , as a swim teacher and in the summer camps . I really don't know I'd have to sit with that a little little deeper , but definitely not feeling enough was a big part of what was going on with me at that time in my life .
Speaker 1Okay . So and and that in itself not not feeling you know that you could live up to something , or being , you know , fear of not being good enough . Do you think that is a central theme ? Is that something that you see a lot in working with young people today ?
Speaker 2I think it's huge . I think it's huge , yeah , yeah . Kids that I see on a daily basis show me signs of feeling like they're not good enough in some way smart enough , strong enough , pretty enough , good looking enough , popular enough because they are surrounded by these metrics , and some of that comes from the . You know the school system of which I am a part , and you know that's that's , that's , that's , that's how we do it . We grade them each term and there's a whole , you know deep rabbit hole we could get down in , you know , into there .
Speaker 2As as to the , you know the , the damage that we can be doing to our kids with that , and I say that as someone who's who's working on that within that system . We've got the social media . You know , again , popularity metrics , likes , follows , these kinds of things . You know the social standards about body image . All of these things , um , you know the social standards about body image . All of these things , you know , carry with them a sort of not enough vibe and , um , I think our kids suffer quite a bit for it okay , so what we ?
Speaker 1what we ? What I would love to do , then , is delve into each of those just a little bit more um , and we could start . Um , we could start with , because I know that our audience , the majority of the audience , the majority of the people listening um , are either parents or their grandparents . Um , there's even some younger listeners who we would be direct , you would be directly speaking to when you're talking about things like social media and not feeling uh , good enough so to to delve into my audience's mind . Um , let's go back a couple of generations , one or two generations , and approach it from the schooling system , and the question I have for you there is how do you think the , do you think the schooling system has evolved , you know , from ? Let's go back two generations , like when , for example , when our generation was at school . Do you think it has evolved to meet the needs of the current generation of young people ?
Speaker 2no , no , I do not . Um , there's many positive things I can say about , uh , the many positive examples of , of good practice that you can see in many schools , and I've and I've and I've , in , you know , worked in a few and I interact with lots of other good other schools .
Navigating the Education-Parent Relationship
Speaker 2It's , I think , you need to be able to be critical of the system whilst also being , you know , in awe of what teachers do on a daily basis um , before you go on there , it seems that you're talking about .
Speaker 1There's two , two themes that are emerging . One is the system and one is individual um , ethics and individual effort as a teacher , and there seems to be a little bit of that . Those two don't marry in your world like as they should or could ?
Speaker 2yeah , yeah , I I think that's that's well put not as much as they they could . Uh , for whatever reason , you know , I , I'm , I'm , I'm at a school which is a private school in madrid , uh , quite well funded , and , um , you know , our kids get a pretty good educational round , um , and yet , you know , there are time constraints , there are pressures on teachers that can make doing that work very challenging at times , yeah , um , more challenging than maybe , uh , conducive the very , very best in education . And yet I also look around and I see teachers motivated and driven to do outstanding work with the kids that they're , you know , that they're taking care of . I've just finished the school year . Today was my last day of the school year . Finished the school year . Today was my last day , uh , of the school year , um , and I wrote some genuine , heartfelt thank yous to the , the teachers who have been teaching my own children at the same school where I work , because I've done an incredible job , um , in in difficult circumstances .
Speaker 2So , uh , but you know , your original question is is do I think that the system , the school system , has evolved sufficiently to meet the need of the kids today ? No , no , I don't . I don't know if that's by poor design or by simply by the fact that culture has moved so rapidly , you know and social media is a great example of that , and technology , you know , being the sort of the vehicle that brings social media to our doorstep . Uh , yeah , that's , that's a , that's a hard uh wave to to keep up with , right ? Yeah , because it's just moved so incredibly quickly . Um , I think each subsequent generation is just struggling to keep up with it generally , and the school system is no different .
Speaker 1What would be your advice because you're working with children and parents ? How do they ensure that they know what's going on in their children's life at school to a degree where they can support their children the best to get the most out of their schooling ? Because if there is a gap between the system and I know there's so many great teachers out there that are doing their best , but how do they navigate that gap what advice would you have for parents in being involved in their children's schooling life ?
Speaker 2yeah , great question I mean . Number one is is , build those relationships with the teachers , is is take the interest . Yeah , get to know the teachers . Um , be involved in all of the , you know , whatever community-based opportunities there are and some schools are very good at providing these opportunities , other schools less so that can be quite a cultural thing , you know . I don't know how it is for you guys in Australia . I know you've been quite actively involved with your community because we talked about it before .
Speaker 2The school , the students and the teachers form a , you know , a trinity of sorts . You know it's crucial that they're working together . So , be involved , support where you can . Yeah , find out what it is that is . Uh , you know each school's going to have its own philosophy , you know , and can you align your , your philosophy as a parent with the philosophy of the school ? If those two don't align , then there's a really serious question to ask is this the right , you know , relationship ? Even , you know , is this the right school for my child ? Um , but , definitely pay attention to the , the sort of the heartline direction that the school is trying to go and and get really curious about how you can also support that positive message from home if your school is really , uh , investing in . You know the the discussion around developing a strong growth mindset , then that's that's really something that parents can do at home as well , because developing mindset is a community effort . It's a team sport . You know we've got to be looking at the words we're using so that it's being supported on both sides .
Speaker 1And so , in saying that , getting parents to get the courage to become involved in school is often another thing , because I think it can be quite daunting for parents to go into a school or go to a teacher and develop those relationships , because you know there's also that little bit of a barrier . You know there's also that little bit of a barrier . You know you're the parent and that teaches the professional . But when we talk about what teaching actually is , can you draw some parallels between parenting and teaching and how those two overlay ? Because if we understand that then we can build better relationships between parents and teachers .
Speaker 2Hmm , another really , really good question . You know , start from where there is a similarity . Start from where we're both on the same page and we're both there to support the child . You know we're both there to help that child to grow . Um , now there's a mindset shift that you can . You can do with that , which is you can , you can think of yourself as being the one who's responsible for growing that child , and so too can the teacher .
Speaker 2Yeah , what happens if both teacher and parent switch that around and say the child's presence in my life creates the opportunity for me to grow as a person , for me to become the best version of me and for me to forge this ? You know , really healthy relationship with the teacher and the parent , so that we become a living example of how , you know , a healthy relationship can develop and and how people can overcome their own challenges . Yeah , so if your child knows that it's difficult for you to go into the school and have those conversations , they're likely to find it difficult to go . You know to go up and have those conversations with their teacher , right , but if they see that you're overcoming that as a parent , if they see that you're facing those challenges , then they get that lived example and they get to follow suit so I love the way there , matt , that you flipped .
Speaker 1You flipped the script in essence , and instead of the um , the teacher viewing um , viewing their role as being responsible for the education of that child , you flipped it and said I now have an opportunity to learn something from this child or grow with this child . I can learn from them , I can learn from them , they can learn from me , and by learning to understand this child , I can actually become a better teacher .
Speaker 1So , I know that you , that is a very big part of your work and it's a very big part of your journey as a parent , of your journey as a parent . So how have you and I know we haven't gone delved into the social media part yet , but I think this is a very good place to delve into how did you flip to that script in your own life as a parent ? Because I know you're very big on being living the life that you want your children to live and letting them see , rather than just listening to do what I say , not what I do . You've flipped that . You have literally flipped that . How did you do that ? What was that journey like ?
Speaker 2well , first of all , I got to experience just how damaging it can be to your relationship with with students and with your own children if you're trying to be the one who's got all the answers . You're trying to be the wise sage who knows what's what because you read more personal development books and you know you're interested in psychology and health and all of these things and they're playing video games or you know scrolling on tiktok . That is not going to build deeper connection with your kids . It's just not going to work right . If you want for you know , that wise , sage advice that that you've gleaned from you know , your years of experience , which we all have um , it needs to come in a different way . It needs to come when they're ready for it , and it has to begin with connection and you know .
Speaker 2So having all the answers . Like our good friend and mentor Mark English says , you know , the answers push Right and questions pull say okay , well , I think I've got advice here . But if I bring an agenda to these conversations with my children , then all I'm trying to do is fix them . And in order for me to think that they need fixing , I must also think that they're broken in some way . And , with the best of intentions , I can be transmitting that message to them . And yeah , I've seen what it does to your relationships if you make those errors .
Speaker 1Can you give us , can you think of an example so that our listeners can like ? Is there a common example that you can think of so our listeners can put themselves in the picture ?
Speaker 2Well , yeah , I mean , I've got . You know , one of my sons is very much into video games and in , you know , in his early sort of growth into that , you know , that hobby , uh , we , we understandably grew concerned that a hobby was becoming a habit and a habit might have been becoming , you know , uh , an addiction . And and , um , whilst I may have been right , objectively speaking , about the relative dangers of all of that , I was completely wrong in my approach back then . You know , this was some years ago , um , and you know me saying all of these things didn't change a thing . You know me connecting with him opened the door for some small piece of my advice , uh , to to come through or being right .
Speaker 2And you know , when you look at it in those terms , it's quite simple . Now , it doesn't mean that you have to simply accept , you know , and watch your child walk down a , you know , an unhealthy path , but there are better ways to set boundaries around that and impose , you know , healthy limits on your child's behavior , more so than just having all the answers . Yeah , so that was a concrete example in my life . I would definitely handle that situation differently now , and that's my oldest son , and I will handle those situations differently , with my younger kids for sure .
Speaker 1Can you give parents like one ? You talk about connection and changing , you know , changing your approach there and not being basically what I would call the preacher . This is right , this is wrong . This is why it's right or wrong , because as soon as children hear the word right and wrong , then that triggers . And what we were talking about before is I'm not measuring up , I'm not good enough , you know I'm even failing . So can you give us one way that parents could approach that particular situation on how to connect better ? Give us one way that parents could approach that particular situation on how to connect better . Like , what do you actually say to your child that's in their room six hours a day on video games ? How do you even start that conversation ? Where's the connection there ?
Speaker 2there . Curiosity is a is a powerful doorway into connection and it's the most counterintuitive one in in a moment like that , because you've now got this quite egoic , albeit objectively , you may be correct . You know video games have got their , you know there's there's some real issues there , for sure , um , but curiosity would be the counterintuitive pathway into connection . You know , can you put your own ego and your own beliefs aside , um , and put connection ahead of that , get in there and ask about the game , yeah , yeah , let me , let me see you play this thing , let me see what's going on , what's that ? And so you're actually that guy there is , you know , is a character , who's a , that's a real human , playing in japan right now .
Speaker 2Are you kidding me ? Like ? You know , like , get real curious and and just set aside the ego , um , let them see that you , you can , you can get on board with their world , right , uh , that's that's the connection piece . And you know , and from there you're in a much better place to say , hey , I love spending time with you like this . Yeah , uh , could we schedule in some , you know , some , something extra ? Yeah , but this time I'm buying the ice cream , whatever . It is right that that that draws them out of the room , then you you can work on that connection in a more you know uh , varied and healthy , healthier ways yeah , okay .
Speaker 1So yeah , that's really interesting , the curiosity piece because I feel , uh , in the last and this , this is leading down into the social media and technology , this is leading down into the social media and technology part that we discussed before .
Speaker 1I feel as if in the last 10 years , in particular , the isolation of screens , like we may consider isolation , whereas the young people actually they consider it a connection , because they're not , they are being connected either to the narrative of that game , whatever it may be , the narrative of social , of Instagram or TikTok , and often they are talking to people from all around the world where they don't need to leave their room . So there's a bit of a disconnect there , like I said before , between generations , where you know , two generations ago , in order to connect with people , you could not be inside your room . So , yeah , if you're inside your room , it meant you're alone and you had to actually walk outside of your room and go outside to connect with people . So that's an interesting piece and it's a real challenge for a lot of parents and especially grandparents now to to change that story in their head of sitting in front of a screen alone in a room is a is essentially a bad thing do you come across that a lot with your work with parents ?
Speaker 2yeah , I mean I , I see I see some quite strong opinions that are undoubtedly just going to leave the child feeling over here and the parent or grandparent feeling all the way over here . It's distance by opinion , yeah , just distance by you know , one feeling this way about a thing and the other one feeling completely different . So again , I think , again it circles back to that same curiosity piece .
Speaker 2OK , well , in what way am I ? What am I missing here ? Yeah , because I've got to respect that my son , my granddaughter or whoever we're talking about here , is . There's something there for them and the millions and millions of other children that are also equally devoted to this , this , this world . There's got to be something there . Um , let me , let me show some curiosity , for that yes because that that that just brings you closer .
Speaker 1Yeah , you become part of their world and , um , it works both ways . You become part of the work , their world , and they see that you're willing to understand and and um , interact with them in their world , so that connection automatically becomes a lot closer and then , therefore , you can have better conversations . Yeah , so , going back to then , where did you , can you think of a time where you changed your approach or you had that aha moment where you really focused in on that connection that you're talking about , that you are now so good at teaching , helping other people with yeah , yeah , I'll share .
Parental Resilience and Growth Journey
Speaker 2My eldest daughter went through a real tough time , a real tough time and there was some bullying there and and , yeah , she , she was in a dark place and we were really worried , and we actually were . You know , both , as parents , we were really put through it and , um , at one point , you know , we had , we were , we were in a really dark place ourselves . Have you know , seeing her there and in fact I , I would say on some level , it impacted me , uh , I wouldn't say more deeply , but certainly more visibly than it did than it did my partner . She's very good at holding it together and there was a point there where I didn't , and that was actually okay for a point . I think it meant something to my daughter for her to see that I was affected .
Speaker 2We're human beings . There's no such thing as an unshakable parent . Yeah , there's no such thing as a perfect parent . Like , we're all human beings and we're going to make mistakes , we're going to have meltdowns of our own . We're going to , you know , we're going to go through it all . There's no clear cutcut way through this . You just got to keep going and make your mistakes and learn along the way . And yet what I did experience there for a time was like okay , I actually think it mattered for her to see that I was affected . I think it strengthened her belief in you know my bond to her , which , as a stepdaughter , you know she , I think in the long run , it did us good for her to know that when she's down , that impacts me . And yet staying down is not what she needed either . She did not need to see me down for too long . She needed to see that , yeah , all right , getting back up is what we do . Yeah , we get down and we get back up .
Speaker 2We get down , we get back up yeah , right , that's life and that's that's what it means to to be resilient , that's what it means to to grow . Yeah , there's . There's no real growth without challenge . And , um , what I learned in that moment was really the most important thing that I can do from for my kids , and for anyone around me for that matter , is to be at my best self . Right , of course , I've got to , you know , do all the things as a parent . I've got to , you know , drive them to the practices . I've got to pick them up late at night , cook the meals , set the boundaries , do all of the actual responsible stuff .
Speaker 2But when it comes to the identity of just who am I being in this moment ? I've got to be the best me for me , because if my ego is attached to like them , being a certain thing happy , you know , successful , you know whatever it is then then I'm not being myself completely authentically , then then I'm not being myself completely authentically and I'm not giving them the respect of being their own sovereign human being who is responsible for their own growth journey . The best thing I can do is be a , a positive light in their life that shines a little bit of extra light in their life so that they can make their own way through . Um , and that was , that was the switch . Actually , that was probably the most potent switch I've experienced and since that that point , um , you know , I've I've had a number of opportunities to relearn that lesson and , uh , you know , it's been reinforced with the , the work that I do and the learning that I do on my own , on my own time , and the books I read .
Speaker 2And it just makes sense to me that what our kids really need from us and I find this to be particularly true as you make that transition through to the teenage years , because in the beginning , your baby needs for you to put food in their mouth . Right , you're , you're in the business of like , don't die , right , exactly , yeah , keep your finger out of the plug socket . You know , right , you know that that's that's the phase you're in , but at some point you make that shift towards . Now it's my job to be an example of how to live well right .
Speaker 2I want my kids to actually look forward to what being an adult looks like , because it looks awesome for you . So I'm all right with growing up because I , you know . I mean , yeah , you , I was quite inspired
Finding Power in Personal Growth
Speaker 2. Your daughter introduced you on your first episode . I thought that was . That was brilliant . Yeah , yeah , she said , know , my mom inspired me . She's my best friend . I thought it was just lovely , absolutely lovely . That's what it's all about .
Speaker 1So can you tell us how did you actually you said you were in a dark place how did you , you know , climb back up , Like , what are some of the challenges that you had in climbing back up ? And what are some of the challenges that you had in climbing back up and what are some of the things that you've been doing since to be a shining light for your children and the people that you teach and the people that you help ?
Speaker 2Yeah , good , I mean , I had emotional support . I have a mentor of mine who knows me well , who I spent time with , and I spent time in contemplation , meditating on where I was sitting , in the dark place I was at , but learning what it was there to teach me and sharing that with my mentor and and , and then , you know , having him reflect back to me some of the , the stuff that you know I've just articulated there with you before , um , and you know , the books help . You know somehow , I think , when you're in those spaces , that if you're open to it , that that there's there's wisdom in the , in the content , when you're in those spaces , that if you're open to it , that there's there's wisdom in the , in the content that you're consuming . And I was , I was reading some Carl Jung at the time and you know he , he , he talked about it was this .
Speaker 2You know this , this story about I think it was the , the , the rainmaker , this guy who's um I don't know if I'll do a good job of telling this story the rainmaker was this , this chap who was in an indigenous tribe , right , and this arch anthropologist goes to visit this tribe and , um , there's no rain , right , so they're , they're looking at drought , they're looking at famine , right , and and and this uh anthropologist goes to the , the chief of the tribe , and he says you know what , what are you going to do ? And he's like , well , we've called for the rainmaker . And a couple of days later this old dude turns up at the village and he goes into a hut and he , he spends a few days in the in the hut , and he comes out and then the rains start coming down , right , and everything's cool . And so the anthropologist asks the rainmaker , he says what did you do ? And I said I don't know if this is an actual , actual fact story or it's , you know , metaphorical . He says , you know ? He says , well , when I arrived that the land and the village was out of order , right , it was out of alignment , if you like , out of sorts in some way , and so that put me out of sorts when I got here , right , and so I had to go into my heart , into myself , yeah , and put myself back in order . I had to get myself right , and then , when I came out , and I was all right , the land around me began to put itself right , and then the rain came , uh-huh , which which was a , you know , I remember hearing that story .
Speaker 2I think carl jung used to enjoy telling that story at some of his lectures . That that's that's . That's how it came to me and I thought that's , that's brilliant , you know , because , yeah , you know , I can't really fix anyone other than myself and I certainly can't expect to help anyone heal unless I'm healed myself . Yeah , so , yeah , you know that that was a powerful enough lesson and , yeah , it's been with me ever since .
Speaker 1And so that is an amazing way to illustrate the fact that you know a lot of people say I have to get over something , I have to get over this , and you know that by you know yourself the power of words , and if we can just take out the word over and um , two words there have to and over . So how would you translate I have to get , I just have to get over this into something that's more empowering for parents and any teenagers that might be listening , or young people . What words .
Speaker 2Would you change there to help them with that statement ? Well , the have to can become I get to . So we move it from obligation is heavy and dark , in in energy and in in feel I have to becomes I get to . Now when you , when you get to do something . Now you're in the realm of opportunity , now you're in the world of possibility , yeah , and choice and freedom and free will , and that's an entirely different space to be in .
Speaker 2Yeah , now , yeah , all right , yeah , sure , I get to do the dishes , I get to do my homework , right ? Well , yeah , okay , you may , it may not change . You know the the entire story there , but I get to you know I , I , I have to work through this , I have to get through this . I get to , you know I , I have to work through this , I have to get through this .
Speaker 1I get to learn through this , I get to grow through this so I get to heal yeah through this right , so take your pick yeah , in your story that you just talked about the Carl Young story and then your parallels that you drew from that , in being the best person that you can be , if parents or anyone struggling with you know being in a darker place or struggling with something in their lives , if they change it to , I get to go . I get to work through this . How does that change their outlook on that challenge in their life ? I get to work through this , not get over it , but go through it , which is what you were talking about . Go into it .
Speaker 2Yeah , go into it . Yeah , I mean going into it . It means going into into you , doesn't it ? Yeah , the the way , the way out of the , the dark situation is for you to go within you and if you go in with the a sense of gratitude for the opportunity , albeit what you might be going through is horrible . You wouldn't wish it , you wouldn't ask for it , but nobody asks for cancer , nobody asks for the tragic , frightening , horrific events in their life . That doesn't mean that there isn't valuable learning within it . Many , many , many people who subsequently go on to survive cancer will say it's been one of the single most impactful uh experiences in their lives . Yeah , because they've they've learned to treasure life in a way that would not have been possible had it not been for that , that , that that tough experience that they , they , you know yeah that they went through .
Speaker 2So , I think , being able to use your words to just nudge you in the direction of there's possibility here for me , there's something here for me . I can go in , I can work through this , I can learn through this , I can grow through this , I can learn through this , I can grow through this um , those words change the energy , the . The energy enables you to feel more empowered and take ownership of it , rather than it taking ownership of you , and that's that's a big difference . You know , when you're taking ownership of your staff , you're taking responsibility , you're not being a victim . But when you're , you know , allowing those outside circumstances to dictate what's going on in your life , then you are in the victim mode .
Speaker 2That's a tough pill to swallow , I think , for a lot of people . Right , you know , because that word victim , you know , we , we need to make the distinction . I think , in case this is triggering for anyone , that you know , yes , you can be a legit , a genuine victim of atrocious , you know events . Yeah , we're not , I'm not , I'm not . So I want to differentiate that from being in the mentality of a victim , someone who's you know , uh , essentially blaming others negative actions , um , for their current negative situation .
Speaker 1Yeah , and and something that you said before which which I find really , really interesting and pertinent to this conversation , is you talked about um , the , the uh ability for you , know , you're . You talked about how you , um , went through your dark place and , you know , realised that the only way to help people around you was to be the best version of you . How do parents navigate that ? Because , I'm telling you now , I've had six children . My eldest is 34 and my youngest is 16 . I have to think about this . I'm sitting here thinking , but often , when I was a younger parent , before I became aware of my thoughts , the aware of the value of understanding the words that I was using in my own head and this victim mentality , if I got a call from a school , for example , and they said your child has done this , I instantly changed that story into I've done this .
Speaker 1You feel , as a parent , so responsible for what your children do , what they do in certain social situations at school , even out of school , if they've gone and look , even as a teenager , if they've rolled their car . As a parent , you think I didn't teach them well enough , I didn't prepare them well enough , I didn't educate them well enough , I haven't been a good enough role model because they're doing all these things that I've told them not to do . So you know , that's a . I find that that is a really powerful . When I say powerful , it's powerful as in keeping parents in that victim mentality and in that feeling of not being a good enough parent . So you come up against this in your work with parents . Do they feel like , oh , my child keeps getting in trouble with school , so that means I'm a crap parent is . Is that something ?
Speaker 2some , some , I have seen that , yeah , for sure , I sure .
Speaker 2I mean , I experienced that myself , right , I think that's quite a natural urge , yes , and you know , what can you do with that ? I mean , you've got to recognize that's your ego , right , that's your egoic attachment , right , and you know there's an extreme end of that right . You know there's an extreme end of that right . That's the that can play out , as you know , the heavy burden that your child has to live , right , because they're now feeling the pressure to live up to some ideal that you hold up for them , whether that be . You know , I didn't make it all the way to the top in the sport that I wanted to do . Maybe I didn't make it as high up the business ladder as I wanted to , so they've got to go one higher than me , otherwise I failed as a parent . That's a heavy burden to carry . In fact , another Carl Jung quote that really , you know , informs a lot of what I do and the way I think about parenting is I think he said that the greatest burden that the child must bear is the unlived life of the parent .
Speaker 1And where do you see that play out ? Because and if parents that are listening , if you really think about that they have a narrative , they have a story that no doubt has been passed down from their parents and then their grandparents about this is the way life should go . You should go to school , go to university . This is just one version go to university or go to further training , get a career , and if it's a female child , you know , or it doesn . Further training , get a career , and if it's a female child , you know , or it doesn't matter female or male . Have a family , buy a house . So you know . That is a story that has been passed down from generation to generation . And if you , as a parent , failed in or didn't meet one part of that story , how can you , as a parent , make sure that you're not putting that expectation or that burden , as Carl Jung says , onto your children ?
Speaker 2yeah , great question . I mean , you know some of some of those ships have sailed , right . You know , if you're not , I mean that , that I'm , I'm not gonna be you know that the world squash champion , but there was a time where that's that's what I wanted to do . You know that squash was my sport . I loved it . I was you know all about that and you know I had to let that dream die at some point along the way .
Breaking Through Fear for Personal Growth
Speaker 2Yeah , is that the unlived life of the parent ? In my case , I don't . I don't think so . Right , so it's first a case of saying , well , what , what does the unlived life really mean ? Yeah , is it that I've still got dreams in the , the future ? Yeah , that are still alive and possible , and I'm actually hiding behind , uh , parenting and my responsibilities as as a parent . Um , I'm almost using those as my , my excuse not to do the the brave thing and put myself out there and go for it . I mean , you know I listened to your story , leanne , your first episode . I love it . You know you came off , you had six kids and then you get , you know , into lifting , right , you're getting in the gym Humble , humble start , right ? You know you're just learning from the people at the gym and it carries it and it carries on into something truly , truly awesome . Right , um , this journey for me as a coach , this , this , this , this opportunity that I've carved out for myself and am in the process of carving out for myself is the . It's a trip . I love it .
Speaker 2Yeah , I love working with people . I love helping people go through their , their issues and onto the other side of something , where , where they feel better , where they feel that space and clarity . Yeah , to be able to look at their life with a , with a sense of unburdened freedom , that's incredible . And to to be able to look at their life with a sense of unburdened freedom , that's incredible . And to be able to , you know , help somebody get to that point is a privilege and it's fun and it's really rewarding . I really enjoy talking to my kids about this stuff . I really enjoy talking to them about the sort of internal challenges I've had to overcome .
Speaker 2Yeah , I do not like being in the public sphere . I have a very deep fear of being seen publicly and criticized publicly . I've had to work through those things myself and I think it's really powerful for my kids to understand . Oh , that's the thing where Matt struggles . He's leaning into it and pushing through it anyway , because there's something that he wants , there's something more . He's working towards , something that's , you know , arguably big , arguably bigger than him , than him , um , so I think you know . The question that you got to ask yourself is what ? What does the unlived life look like ? And it's not in the past . It might it . There might be ships that have already gone , but there's also the life that you're choosing not to live . Yes , because you're afraid of something . Yeah , because your mindset has got that blocking you . That's the one .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2That's where you've still got agency and you can still live that example for your kids .
Speaker 1And that's so powerful . Your children witnessing you being scared to fail or being scared to . You know , fearful of being criticized , being fearful of being seen , and yet pushing through that discomfort and achieving your goals and , along the way , admitting that you are scared of that or you're worried about . You know you don't like to be seen , you know in the bigger space . So what sort of things have you been doing there to be that leading light for your children and the people around you ?
Speaker 2What exactly is on your agenda now , as Matt Clark , With my kids , or what is it that I'm looking to do now next ? Yeah , I think I understand you're asking what am I ? Yeah , okay , cool .
Empowering Parents Through Personal Growth
Speaker 2Well , just to sort of circle back to the the kids part , it's it's been lovely to just talk with my kids one-to-one , you know , grabbing coffee , uh , sharing a breakfast , going for a walk . Each , each one of the kids has got their own little way that I enjoy grabbing some one-to-one time and I've really , really seen value in just sharing the journey . So I'll say that , as for what that journey is , it's this . It's getting out there and talking to people like you and sharing my message and speaking up on public platforms . It's offering out my services . I help parents and families to thrive . That's what I'm now on a mission to do .
Speaker 2Now on a mission to do um , and I'm I'm dedicating all of my my I still teach , but you know all of my additional resources and time into , uh , creating coaching programs and tools and working with clients one-to-one um to help to help parents get the the best experience of being a parent , because it's , you know , it's arguably , I would argue , it's one of , if not the greatest opportunity for personal growth and development , and it might not be the most snazzy thing to to think about as a , as a you know , a parenting goal or purpose . Right , it sounds a little bit selfish , but I think it's the opposite . I think that when you uh come towards parenting with ego , then there's the danger that you do , you know , you attach yourself to the child and their outcomes become your outcomes , and that's that's . That's not good . Whereas if you see it as an opportunity to be the best version of yourself , if you see it as an opportunity to be the best version of yourself , um , and that that parenting is undoubtedly going to challenge you in all the the ways that will , that can nudge you towards that growth , if you approach it with the right mindset , in the same way that relationship can , in the same way that , you know , many professional challenges can , in the same way that many professional challenges can , in the same way that health challenges will inevitably nudge us along that growth path .
Speaker 2Parenting is a great one , not the only one , you know it's not for everybody . But as a teacher and as a father of five , I really relate to families and family life , and that's why I'm I'm putting a , you know , a significant chunk of my time into uh trying to support parents as best I can okay , and and so in that support , what exactly how do you support parents , like , do you do you ?
Speaker 1in what fashion do you do that ? What platform ?
Speaker 2I've got , uh , we've just started a very recently uh , a facebook group called thriving families , so I'm sure that there'll be be links here that that people can you're more than welcome to join . It's a private facebook community . Um , you know we will . We have a monthly theme . This last month has been mindset actually , um , but you know there'll be other themes , other pillars self-care for parents , connecting with your kids , parenting strategies these are these are some of the pillars that we'll focus on . Um , within the , within the group we will be aiming to , you know , produce content that's helpful , educational content , spark discussions , host some workshops within there . That's all free . And then there's the one-to-one coaching work that I do . So I have a coaching program . It's somewhat personalized to each parent and their needs , where they're at and where they want to go with their journey . Parent and their needs , where they're at and where they want to go with their journey .
Speaker 2So you , know you can book a call and we can talk and build a personalized growth plan to help you connect with your kids and help you thrive as a parent and as a family .
Speaker 1Okay , and so that sounds absolutely wonderful . How do people get into this ? Access the Facebook group .
Speaker 2You just click the invite link . If I give you that link and you have it with your show notes . Yeah , it's free to join . It will ask you a couple of questions on the way in and we'll approve you into the group and then you're , you're , you're in , that's it and that's super simple easy and you know , yeah , that , um .
Speaker 1so I would encourage all parents listening to do that , because the gold that they can find in there in understanding , helping them to understand themselves and work through you know their own stories as parents and then be able to connect to their children would be absolutely invaluable as a parent . And in saying that , there's been a couple of times during this conversation , matt , that I've had this question come up in my mind and we've gone onto another topic , but it keeps circling back to it . So I'm going to ask that right now , when you start working with parents to help them become better parents and connect with their children , is there a piece of that where the parent gets to go , gets to a point where they realise they're going to go back into themselves firstly before they can create that connection ? Does that happen for you in your work with people ?
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , good , thank you in your um . Work with people , yeah , yeah , good , thank you . Um , so I've I've aimed to create a program which would give you a lot of things that you , you'd expect to , you'd expect to want , right , you're going to want to know what are the good communication techniques . You're going to want to have an educational component to this . How do I , you know , how do I set boundaries , how do I , you know , deal with certain scenarios that are typical to parenting at different stages ? So , yeah , we're going to address those things , and the key to all of that good stuff really falling into place is the inward journey .
Speaker 2I describe it as the personal development work that many parents would have denied themselves because they were prioritizing their kids , when , in actual fact , as you can see , I'm very big about saying no , you get to prioritize yourself and in doing so , you're giving your kids the very best gift that you can give them , because what kid doesn't want the very best version of their parents ?
Speaker 2You know they don't need the Xbox , they need mum , yeah , right , you know they don't need the things . They want the connection , they want the experiences , they want the , they want the depth and the time and , um , you know , with that , with that lens , with that mindset , uh , I would encourage whether it's with me or any other means . Yeah , I would encourage any . Any parent who this stuff resonates with , do reach out for help . Yeah , it's , it's okay to invest in you . In fact , you know it . I would argue it's essential to reach a point where you grant yourself that permission to invest in you . Um , because you're showing your kids that it's okay for them to invest in you , because you're showing your kids that it's okay for them to invest in them too .
Speaker 1Exactly exactly . You know , this brings back a story which is quite recent for me would have been two and a half , two and a half I've lost track of time three years ago when I first came across , and for the listeners , um , matt and I are both enlifted coaches , which is , um , focusing on words and stories and helping you get rid of that victim mentality which is so central in everybody's lives and will continue to be so , even for us , matt's . But we're aware of it . We are now aware it , whereas before it was like a ping pong ball or one of those old you know what was that machine that we used to play the game , you know , you'd pull the lever back and the ball would go shooting up and it would ping off everything . What was that one called ? Yeah ?
Speaker 2I know .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 1I think pinballball , pinball that's the words show there you go so if you aren't aware of the power of the words that you're using , the words that you're using in internal dialogue , external dialogue , you are exactly like that ball in life you are reacting . You are reacting to things that are happening to you and flipping that . It's more like you are acting to things that you have created by you , but that's the flip of that . But I think about my story .
Transformative Journey Through Self-Exploration
Speaker 1When I really wanted to work , I got to know Mark England , who is the co-founder of Enlifted Coaches , but I didn't get to know him as Enlifted Coaches . I got to know him as Mark England on Instagram and he's a pretty funny guy , right , he's got a great wit and I really appreciated that . And then all of a sudden , he stopped being Mark England on Instagram and he became Enlifted Coaches . And I thought who is this Enlifted Coach ? What is this Enlifted Coaches ? If I want to follow Mark England and I now have to follow Enlifted Coaches and very quickly I started following that , obviously , and quickly I started . Well , I followed , started following that obviously , and then I started seeing the value in exploring the power of words .
Speaker 1And I remember the conversation with my she would have been 17 years old then and I said to Jess , I really want to work one-on-one with an enlifted coach because I feel this is something . I'm really want to work one-on-one with an enlifted coach because I feel this is something I'm really drawn to . And , being a natural teacher just like you , matt , I wasn't thinking I want to better myself . I was thinking I want to teach this stuff because when I learn things , I want to teach them , like I learned , you know . So I want to learn this stuff so I can go and teach it to other people .
Speaker 1Little did I know that that opened up the opportunity for me to go into my own story and my own words and my own journey to become a better version . And my daughter said to me mom , you are constantly investing your time and money into other people . It's okay for you to invest that money into yourself . My 17-year-old telling me it's okay to invest in myself . So I did . It was the first time I'd directly invested money into something I wanted to do for me , like you know , to make myself a better person , and it was the best decision I'd ever made . So I know that you also went through that Unlifted journey . How did yours ? Very so I know our time's almost up , but can you tell me how your Unlifted journey started ?
Speaker 2Certainly , yeah , almost up . But can you tell me how your lifted journey started ? Certainly , yeah , I mean , I reached a point where , uh , I had done a lot of my own , I would say , sort of personal development work through books , and uh , podcasting and and self-exploration journeys of all different kinds , and it , at one point it was very much out . I was just was just learning and passionately about all kinds of different things , whilst still continuing continuing with my educational career . But bit by bit , all of that curiosity of mine started to coalesce into something that felt more like I've got something to to offer here . This , this , this feels more like something which is very uniquely like my gift . Now , right , because nobody's followed that exact path and been that curious about this stuff .
Speaker 2And uh , yeah , I found my way to in lifted . I was searching around for some kind of credentials that would enable me to say , okay , I'm , I'm a coach because , you know , I feel like I've got something to offer here . And , uh , it was . Uh , as a chap is , uh , another enlisted coach , a guy called um captain Taylor Morgan , who's uh , you know it's a bit of an influencer in the health and fitness space , and I was following him and I'd reached out on some communities and found my way to Enlifted through him and started following the content , really liked it , signed up pretty quickly after that and , much like you , I came into it as somebody who wanted to learn , so that they could teach .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2And then was hit with a really deep , powerful self development , self exploration journey of my own , which , had I not gone through that , there's no way I would have had the confidence or the belief in myself to actually go out and do this , do what I'm doing now . So it was essential to go through it and experience it firsthand for myself . And , yeah , I mean , you alluded to the power of the words , right , you know the breath , the breathing , is the other key component to this , you know . And so when you think about mindset and I like the enlifted definition mindset being the stories you tell yourself about yourself , to yourself , right ? So the story you choose to believe about yourself becomes your mindset .
Speaker 2I'm sure that parents listening to this , if they're , you know that they may have heard the concept of the growth mindset , you know , famously put forward by Carol Dweck , this idea that if you believe that your intelligence is malleable , yeah , then you've got a growth mindset . You believe that through hard work and perseverance , you can improve in your skills and knowledge . The opposite of that is the fixed mindset . You believe that your skills and abilities are pretty much fixed and innate and you know that they're unmovable . Well , you know , you , those are two stories . They're not grounded in any objective reality . They're just stories that you choose to believe .
Speaker 2And turns out that when you believe that you know that growth is possible with hard work and effort , that affects the way you approach challenges . Um , it affects the way you handle feedback , affects the way you respond to criticism . So it does matter in learning , it matters in relationships , it matters in all aspects of life . So the story that you tell yourself can be hindering you . And there is an opportunity with this work to go quite deeply into the , the , the , the stories , the real stories that have gone in your life , and to use deep breathing techniques to , you know , get calm enough to actually start putting those stories down on paper and and examining the words that we use and pulling those apart . And actually , in doing so , we can . We can take the sting out of some of those , those old stories , that that are really dark aspects of our past , like heavy weighted burdens in our knapsack that we're just carrying through life . We're carrying it into our family .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I was just about to say , and holding us back from becoming the best version of ourselves , but also the best parents that we can be . So that is actually a fantastic opportunity . Your program that you're talking about is a fantastic opportunity for parents to to get the opportunity to become the best version of themselves and then become the best parent , whatever parent they aspire to be for their children . What I'm saying here is you've experienced it , I've experienced it . We both work with young children , but we've both gone into our stories first Before we've been able to up-level our skills , our knowledge , our understanding of great parenting . So you provide you're actually providing both of those opportunities for people in your program , which is which is gold .
Speaker 2Yep , I love it . I think that the content is fantastic and uh , yeah , you know , if you , if your listeners are curious .
Speaker 1Yeah , they can definitely reach out .
Speaker 1So so , matt , to to wrap up now I have one question that I have developed and you're the first person to get the question because I thought I would really love a great way to wrap up , uplift you my podcast . And I had a little conversation yesterday with a group of , with my daughter who was visiting my 19 year old daughter and a couple of her friends . So this comes from 19 , 20 year old minds . I said you guys are all creative because they are . They're all into screen acting and film . That's what my daughter got into . So they're very creative people . I said what can be a signature question for my podcast ? That I can ask every guest at the end to wrap the podcast up and get some more value for my audience . And we came up with what is your favourite way to uplift yourself .
Speaker 2My favourite thing to do that uplifts me , I'm going to have to say , right , my favorite thing always has been to cook food for other people , right , right , to share food with other people , good friends has been a long , long passion of mine and it's just one of the deepest pleasures that I have . Yeah , so there's that , um , but what I will say is is the new me is moving in some , uh , some interesting areas . I always thought of myself as someone who was not musical . I don't play an instrument , right , that was my fixed mindset around music .
Speaker 2And I just did something recently where , again , I took my Mark England's advice . He said you know , if you laugh at the devil , he runs away , right , so if I'm afraid of being seen publicly and if I think of myself as not being musical , then what does the enlifted coach do ? He joins a band , and last week I sang joins a band , and last week I sang in a rock and roll band , and I cannot tell you how uplifting that was . Yeah , so , um , the the food thing for my life , right , for my adult life , uh , but there may be a new contender , which is getting up on stage and singing my heart out .
Speaker 1That is absolutely exciting and uplifting and I'm looking forward to seeing that on some platform one day . Matt , very soon .
Speaker 2We'll see . We did a gig on Friday . Last Friday for some friends who were leaving the school , going off to you know different parts of the world , and we were all very , very close and we thought this would be fun to put on a concert . And my other buddies are very musically talented and so they were just playing all the instruments and I got a chance to get up and sing a few songs . And we got another gig booked in for September and it's that that's been really fun for a lot of different reasons . So , yeah
Uplift U
Speaker 2, that's been really cool .
Speaker 1Well , good on you , matt , for stepping outside that comfort zone , but also , you know , continually , every day , uplifting yourself like that so that you can be such a guiding light for parents and even young people , and the work that you do is really dear to my heart because I feel like you're a brother from another mother . Honestly , the amount of similarities that we have . So , thank you for being on Uplift U and , as we've already said , everything is in the show notes . Go check out Matt's work . Everything is in the show notes . Go check out matt's work . Um , you certainly won't um be disappointed , because it is um something where you get to the opportunity to work on yourself to make yourself um a stronger person in body and mind , and that in in , by extension , making everyone around you , including your children , stronger , stronger as well . So , thanks , matt .
Speaker 2Thanks very much , leanne , take care .