The Mindful Dad
The Mindful Dad Podcast is where modern fathers come to reconnect—with themselves, their children, and what truly matters.
I’m your host, Odeani McBean, a mindful fatherhood coach and creator of the 365 Dad Journal. This show is for dads who want to break free from outdated parenting norms and lead with heart, presence, and purpose.
Each week, we dive into the deeper layers of fatherhood, exploring mindfulness, emotional intelligence, spiritual growth, and self-awareness. From letting go of control to healing childhood wounds, we cover the real stuff that helps you show up fully—not just as a dad, but as your highest self.
Expect practical tips, thought-provoking reflections, and honest conversations about what it really means to be a conscious, connected father in today’s world.
Whether you’re balancing a 9-to-5, side gigs, full blown entrepreneurship, or navigating the highs and lows of fatherhood, this podcast will help you slow down, breathe deeper, and parent with more presence and intention.
Because mindful dads don’t just raise better kids—they become better men.
🎧 New episodes every Tuesday. Subscribe and start your mindful fatherhood journey today.
The Mindful Dad
Your Kids Are Reflecting Back What You Haven't Healed Yet
What if your child’s behavior is simply reflecting your unhealed pain? This week, we dive into shadow work, Carl Jung’s teachings, and the “mirror effect” that shows up in fatherhood. Learn how to break generational patterns, parent from awareness, and connect with your kids in more compassionate, grounded ways.
Key Moments:
0:00 Introduction
3:34 Poetry as Personal Growth
6:22 Understanding Shadow Work
10:31 The Mirror Effect of Children
17:14 Personal Shadow Stories
24:29 Working With Your Shadow
31:38 Guided Shadow Meditation
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Daddy, daddy, dad, self-reflection the best gift that you can give someone Is a gift that will allow them to look inward. Mindfulness Look at my head, it's so big. Wait, do your routine, though. Remember to breathe. Strengthening relationships yes, you do, you do. Yes, you do Community building. I thought about all the dads who must be going through what I'm going through.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Mindful Dad Podcast. I'm your host, odini McBean. Entrepreneur, devoted father of two and a fellow dad figuring this all out, just like you. This is the space where modern dads like you explore what it really means to lead with heart, presence and purpose. Each week, we dive into the deeper side of fatherhood mindfulness, self-awareness, emotional connection and how to show up fully, not just as a dad, but as your highest self. So take a deep breath, highest self. So take a deep breath, slow down and let's explore the path of mindful fatherhood together. Happy Tuesday, family. Welcome back to another episode of the Mindful Dad podcast. I'm your host, odini McBean.
Speaker 1:So today I got a really, I would say, detailed episode for you. This one is going to get really deep because we are talking about how our shadows can impact our journey in fatherhood. So when I say shadow, some of you who may not know what shadow is. It's an idea from a psychologist, carl Young, back in the day, and basically what he said was we have these things about us that we're afraid to show to the public, we're afraid to show to the real world because we are not too proud of them, and I'll get into a more detailed list of some of the things that we suppress and things like that. But what today's episode is going to attempt to do is obviously, a teach you about it, but B let you see how you can use this information to make different choices, to make better emotional connections. So we are going to break down shadow work, the parts of ourselves that we may hide, but it's like a mirror, because our children often reflect our shadows. So that's the whole. That's the big ha-ha moment about this, right. What is it called Eureka? Is the fact that our kids will trigger us a lot because they are a spitting image, a spitting reflection of our shadows. Same thing with, if you're in a marriage relationship, your partner also is one of the biggest mirrors of your own inner dealings, your own inner psychosis, your own what's the word? Neurotic, right? So let's go ahead and break down this episode.
Speaker 1:Before we get into the episode, though, I do want to share with you all that I have been picking up a new hobby, and, interestingly enough, I don't think anyone's going to guess this, but it's poetry. Listen, you know I'm a huge self-care guy and I'm a huge do whatever fills your cup guy, and what that means is test the waters, go try new things right. Go find some passion, hobbies that maybe you have always admired, that other people did but you never gave yourself the opportunity to, always admired that other people did but you never gave yourself the opportunity to. And for me, that's poetry. I have admired poetry for years, but I've never really written it. Recently. I wrote like a four-page poem a couple months ago, and that really just sparked me to just make it a habit. Let me tell you I am having a ball with poetry because I'm learning new ways to say things. I'm learning new ways to express myself, and with all things it's really an art Like. I'm learning new ways to put lines together, new ways to end things, new ways to signify things. A lot of things are basically symbolism and poetry. Right, I'm going to write about this bowl in my kitchen, but at the end of the day. I'm tying it to how I often may seek external validation, but the bowl doesn't. Crazy, I know. But yeah, I just wanted to get you into a glimpse of my personal life outside of my normal day-to-day, and so I would say, go ahead and find you a passion hobby. For me right now, it's a thousand percent writing poetry. I have come to really, really love this.
Speaker 1:Okay, like I said before, we're going to talk about the shadow work and how we can heal our shadows, face our shadows, but, most importantly, how to realize how your children are reflecting a shadow to you, and that's why we get triggered so much when our children do certain things. I always stress this Most of the times it's not about them, it's about us, right? And we're going to talk about how to notice when they're reflecting a shadow, what you can do about it, and just instead of reacting in the same old ways. And, as always, we'll end the episode with a guided meditation to help you integrate what we talked about today, so you can walk away from this episode just feeling more grounded, a lot more clear and in light. I think that's a great way to view this whole thing. Is you listen to this episode? You want to feel grounded, you want to feel clear, but you want to feel light. You don't. You want to if you felt like you had 20 pound weight on you. You want to feel like that's shedded by the things that you're learning here on the Mindful Dad podcast.
Speaker 1:So let's jump into it. So let's talk about Carl Jung and let's talk about the concept of the shadow. So he defines it as the unconscious parts of ourselves that we deny or repress. So let's think about some things like fear, feelings of being inadequate, anger, jealousy you get what I'm saying these kind of low level emotions that are low on the conscious scale. But because we know they're low and because they often are tied to negativity, we don't like to show people that we have these things and we have them, we all have them, and we repress it, we deny it and reject it because we're afraid of how we're going to be perceived. So they don't and a lot of the times, the biggest thing is they don't really align with how we quote unquote want to be seen. They also align a lot with the things that we were punished for in childhood. That's like the biggest thing to take away here in this little section is why are we so afraid of these shadows? The biggest two reasons are they don't typically align with how we want others to view us and, secondly, they more than likely remind us of being punished when we were kids. And that's going to make more sense when I start talking about how we let our shadows misperceive what our kids are showing us.
Speaker 1:I'll give you an example real quick. So if you had a parent who, if you were growing up and you cry a lot, if they made you feel like, come on, now, what are you doing? Like, stop crying. Like my nephew, I feel so bad because I know if we don't change this, he's going to fall into this category because he cries so much and oftentimes, I'll be honest, like his mom, my sister, we all do it. Sometimes we're like yo, caden, man, stop crying. Like you, always crying.
Speaker 1:The problem is right. If we're shaming him for crying, he's going to view emotional vulnerability as weak, and that is the very thing I come on this podcast almost every week and try to get men not to do is not view being vulnerable, not view tapping into your emotions as a sign of weakness. We are going to get triggered If our child is crying, if our children are cries too much, we are going to get triggered because maybe growing up we kept hearing that was not the way to go. That's the. You know you're so weak. So it's a mirror. The kid is crying a lot. You're mad because growing up you kept hearing that you doing that made you less than so Young said.
Speaker 1:Until you make the unconscious conscious, so Young said, until you make the unconscious conscious, right until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate. So that applies to parenting. Right Until we face the parts of ourselves that we still are carrying a lot of burden, a lot of pain, we're going to just unconsciously pass them on to our kids, and this is a cycle that is just going on and on and on. So we got to make the unconscious conscious, we got to stop and reflect and this is why I always talk about journaling so much. We got to reflect. We got to say, okay, why is this happening? Why is this coming up? Because that's what making the unconscious conscious is like.
Speaker 1:Why the things that I do on autopilot so much? Why am I doing this in autopilot? Why am I just automatically reacting this way whenever this happens. So it definitely benefits us to think about. Why are we doing? What we are doing is very simple. It's so simple that it's often overlooked. So let's talk about the mirror effect, right and I keep talking about how the kids are basically a mirror, so let's talk about that. They don't just imitate us Right On a deeper surface. They low key I'm not even, it's not even low key they high key bring up emotions that we have not dealt with. Man like that is like such a powerful statement.
Speaker 1:Sometimes, like I say some things on the show and I'm like I can't believe I went so many years parenting without speaking on this in my own life, without integrating these things. I'm having a moment because sometimes I listen to the things I say and the advice I give and the practices I put into my parenting. Today I like feel bad for my son almost, and I'm not saying like I was world's worst dad. I'm saying like I think I did an awesome job since day one. But when you learn new things and you learn new ways to be, new ways to be present, new ways to exist, new ways to teach you, sometimes and this is all a part of the journey is not to feel this way, but you just can't help sometimes to look back like dang, what was I thinking? But we're here now and that's what matters. Right, we're doing the work now. So I'll give you some common shadow mirrors and that we can see when we're being dads and we are relating to our kids.
Speaker 1:So if you have a kid that is very defiant, right, just always not doing what you're asking them to do, they just always pushing back back. That child is probably reflecting your inner sense of not having any power, of you being powerless. Maybe at work you feel like what you say doesn't matter. Every time you give an idea, nobody takes it serious. Maybe growing up you felt like you were never heard between you and your siblings, like no one ever paid attention to you, what you had to say. So if a kid is basically not validating you or not showing your thoughts and how you feel worth, that can come from that.
Speaker 1:A child that needs constant attention. That is oftentimes reflecting your fear of being invisible. I remember going to the hospital and Caleb had to get his appendix removed and I remember being there for two days and every single nurse, every single doctor that came in the room did not acknowledge me. They just gave all the updates and all the advice to his mom. It's like I was not there. It's like I was invisible, right. So if there is a kid that is, oh my gosh, I need your attention. I need your attention. If you, if that triggers you, it's because you're realizing it's a mirror of your fear, right, of needing the same attention but never getting it A lazy or unmotivated kid that is triggering your guilt around productivity. And I'm going to tell you right now this one hits home for me. Sometimes I am triggered and I react instead of respond to Caleb when I see him being what I will call lazy, and I know for a fact, the more I process it. It's triggering me because it's bringing up the shadow around my own productivity. Let's be honest, like the average person who looks at my life from an outside view will probably think I'm like they'll say wow, you must be very productive.
Speaker 1:I work a very important job outside of this business. I have the business, which is also very important. I then parent two children. I then find the time to do certain things for myself, like I then work on myself. It can very much look like this dude has his day down to a T. This dude has his month down to a T but, contrary to popular belief, I'm still figuring it out.
Speaker 1:I have done things that set me up to take aligned action. So I've done things that set me up to take aligned action, which I'm proud of. So you have an episode every week. You have a newsletter that goes out every week. I write a very detailed article that goes out every week. I show up to work. I get my job done every day. I teach dads how to meditate almost daily. I show up on social media with the content almost daily.
Speaker 1:I am doing all of these things because I'm taking aligned action, but the truth of the matter is I always feel like I could do it better. I'm taking a line to action, but the truth of the matter is I always feel like I could do it better. I always feel like I have a guilt around not being as productive as my ego thinks I should be. So when I see my son reflecting that in something that I'm repressing, something that I'm rejecting, it's going to trigger me. Think about that in your life. Think about areas in your life where you did not feel like you were doing your best at, and when your child is triggering you try to think back to. Is there a place in my, is there area in my life where I'm doing the same thing, same thing? Chances are it's going to be 1000% yes, and this is something that I also deal with my daughter. They both do it.
Speaker 1:They always interrupt me like every five minutes dad, dad, dad, and sometimes I may be able to breathe through it. But sometimes I don't. Sometimes I end up briefly snapping and it's not because, like they're being rude, it's because, deep down, like I hadn't given myself attention in weeks. Sometimes I do that. Sometimes I burn out with like toxic productivity, that type of productivity that you're not really like giving yourself the attention that you truly need. So when they are dad, dad, dad, dad, dad yourself the attention that you truly need. So when they are dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, dad, I'm just thinking about how I just need a break because I haven't even given myself the attention. And now I'm not parenting from patients, I'm parenting from depletion. I'm now parenting from lack, I'm parenting of wanting, I'm parenting from needing more, as opposed to parenting from patients. So that's something to really think about.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give some more examples. Actually the biggest one I can think of that I'm going through right now actually is with my son not liking his last name. This first came up a couple years ago. His mom's last name is Wong. This first came up a couple of years ago that his mom's last name is Wong. So sometimes he mentions like I wish my last name was Wong and it's because kids were teasing him about his last name being McBean. And I remember when I think this was probably last year, year and a half ago he was on a travel team and the jerseys had their names on the back but he chose to get his jersey without the name on the back. So everybody else has their names on the back of their jerseys except him and I'm like why did you do that? And it like really triggered me, right. But then I remembered I used to hate our last name too, if I'm being honest, like people used to. I remember one time somebody was like my last name sounded like a McDonald's sandwich, right, mcbean. Good one, go ahead, laugh, good one.
Speaker 1:I got made fun of, especially when I first came to this country before I cemented myself as somebody who can handle his handle. Kids were definitely bullying me and making fun of my last name and, from being honest, I wanted to trade it in for a new one. So in that moment I saw my younger self in him and that triggered me. Because now it brings back up my trauma and now, instead of just empathizing and being compassionate, now I'll start going down the road of why don't you like your last name? Now it's becoming no longer about his emotions anymore. It's not. It's no longer about what he's feeling, it's about my past and what I went through.
Speaker 1:So I got to a moment recently they just got jerseys with their last names on it and I asked him I said how do you feel? I don't want to correct you, I just want to know how do you feel. And I just listened to him talk and he said I got my name on the jersey, dad, and he goes. And it wasn't just to make you happy, it was because I realize what comes with the last name. What comes with the last name. That's what he told me. I wish I'm making this up. He literally told me that and he's like I realize all that comes with the last name and all that is to be proud of. And he was like and that's why I got it, and he said McBeans are resilient, mcbeans overcome, mcbeans push through. And he was like that resonates with me. I don't think he said the word resonate, but he was like I like that and boom, here we go.
Speaker 1:But we would have never gotten to that point, though, if I would have just kept shaming him for not liking his last name at some point and his childhood like which is so crazy, because I'm 37. I promise you, I didn't start liking the name Odini until I was like in my twenties, cause you grow up, people just make fun of your name, and I remember I used to tell people my name was Sean. This is. This is how crazy this is for me. So now you see how deep it gets. When I was like in middle school and I used to be on this this like phone, like it was called a loop I can't even explain it, but it was like a bunch of people on there and you would meet new people and you may meet a girlfriend on there, and on that phone, that party line I guess it's called a party line on that line I would tell people my name was sean, what, like that's crazy made up a whole alias because I didn't like my first name.
Speaker 1:So imagine you know he's going through the same thing in a way and just it's reflecting myself and that triggers us if we haven't completely dealt with it. So something to think about. If you're trying to give your kid genuine advice and they push back a lot you and your ego you're going to want to push even harder, but then you're going to realize you know what? Why am I reacting this way? Once again, it's less about him or her and more about my own need to be seen as the know-it-all, my own need to be seen as the expert, as wise, and that is a shadow, and when you meet the shadow with awareness, then you like ah, I'm guiding instead of controlling. This is powerful stuff, all right.
Speaker 1:So the next thing that I want to talk about is the fact that you know I relate everything to spirituality. So whenever your kids trigger you this way spirituality so whenever your kids trigger you this way, think of it as an invitation to do the spiritual work. Always ask is this about them or is it about me? Think about that. It's not about them doing something wrong. It's something inside of me that is not probably healed yet. Just start thinking like that, and what I'm trying to say is not 10 out of 10. I'm not saying 10 out of 10 things that happen. You have to have this type of mind frame right. Some things are very cut and dry, like parent from intuition, like some things are like okay bro, like we're not doing that, no way. But the fact of this work is to get you to be aware of the difference. Oftentimes we're not aware of the difference between something that's an obvious all right, I'm dad, you must do this now versus oh wow, this seems to be something that we should go deeper on. And that's, I think that's the golden nugget here is just to realize that that that does exist, that not knowing that, not knowing when to just parent because you're the parent versus when to go deeper. And I think these type of practices will help us with that.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite spiritual teachers his name is Ram Dass. He basically said if you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family. If you think you're enlightened, go spend a week with your family. Like our family, our kids. They just expose the parts of us that we're not fully embodying. And that's great, because there are greatest teachers. I always say that they're not here to make us feel bad, they're not here to punish us. They're here to help us grow. So let's talk about how to work with the shadow versus working against it. It's very easy to work against your shadow because you are not proud of it.
Speaker 1:So the first thing you want to do is this name the feeling. Now, remember I said name the feeling. I didn't say attach to it, cling to it, just name it. Man, I feel annoyed, I feel afraid and I feel ashamed. You're just naming it, that's it. You're pausing and you're naming it. You're not saying I am ashamed of myself, I am annoyed, I am scared, because when you start attaching your who you are, your whole being, your level of consciousness, to these names, to these emotions, you suffer way more greatly. So we're just naming the feeling. I feel this. I feel that I'm aware of the feelings that come with being annoyed. That's who I am, that I'm aware of the feelings that come with being annoyed. That's who I am. Much different from saying I'm annoyed, I'm scared, because now you're attaching your whole identity to thoughts and emotions and trauma. Right, the next thing you could do is ask yourself when did I feel this way?
Speaker 1:As a child, when I was growing up in Jamaica, I didn't necessarily have all the things my friends had right away. Sometimes it may take my parents an extra month or an extra couple months to get me something that most people already had, and so what that did was, for me, it formed this need to exaggerate. It formed this need to not feel like I was good enough. And I remember when I was in Jamaica a lot of people had Nintendos at the time and I didn't have a Nintendo. I did not have a video game. And I remember one day I felt so like ashamed. Everybody got everybody playing Duck Hunt but me. Remember Duck Hunt. Everybody's playing Duck Hunt, everybody's playing Mario but me. And I remember I lied to my friends and I said, oh, I have the game, I got it. My mom got me the Nintendo and I'll never forget this day. There were like three of my friends knocking on my front door. I shut the blinds and I turned the TV on and I had a box of cards in my hands and I was using the box of cards as a remote control, acting like I was playing the Nintendo. I was clearly lying, but they weren't. They didn't. They don't see that because I have the blind shut. But they're knocking on my door and I'm telling them oh, I'm playing Nintendo.
Speaker 1:I wanted to feel like I was a part of something. I didn't want to feel like that one kid on the block who parents couldn't get him this, and so I literally made up this whole scenario as if I was playing a Nintendo, which I was not. I was staring at a blank screen. So I say all that to say I journal about that. I do my shadow work on stuff like that. What if I did not do that?
Speaker 1:The moment my son or daughter says anything to me that even remotely reminds me of them not feeling like they're good enough to have something that other people have, they're good enough to have something that other people have, I am going to spaz out, I am going to yell, I am going to go nuts, because that is a trauma response, that's a shadow response. But I've journaled on that. I've done a lot of work around that. So now, if my kid ever brings up the point that, oh, how come they can't get this and they feel like they're not this, they feel like they're not good enough because we don't get them this, now I can sit and have an understanding. Now I can sit and have, I can empathize and I can have a different conversation. This stuff is really game changing. I hope that you all feel this way.
Speaker 1:So another thing is, I give you a journaling prompt that I often respond to when I do this type of work what triggers me most in my child and what does it reveal about me? I do this for everything, but sometimes I'll put what triggers me with my friends and what does it reveal about me. I'll put what triggers me about my coworkers, what triggers me about my dad, but I'll replace the subject for whenever the need calls for it. But for this, the sake of this podcast and this show, ask yourself that what triggers you most in your child and what does it reveal about you? Think about that Like, for example, if you have a kid that throws tantrums over the smallest things, you may tend to say you are overreacting, until you realize that when you were younger, you weren't allowed to express emotions growing up. Oh, now you can once again guide, now you can be like, you know what You're allowed to feel, how you feel, and then you can probably even remind yourself like and so am I right? This is what I'm saying, like, just think about these things that really trigger you and try to think back to growing up. I guarantee you it's going to have a correlation.
Speaker 1:So the goal is to really raise conscious kids, without passing down, without just handing them our pain. That happens for cycles and cycles that's what happens. People make babies and we just unconsciously give them all our trauma. We just trauma dump unintentionally. And the thing to know about this is we don't have to be perfect. We just I always say we just got to be present, we got to be self-aware. So you don't have to get it right 10 out of 10 times, but if you get it right half the times, you know how much bigger of a positive impact that's going to make. Own your imperfections, be present and be self-aware about all this stuff, because when you're doing shadow work, it's not just for you, it's for your kids, it's for whoever they get into a relationship with when they get older, it's for everybody's benefit, it's for everybody's self-worth, it's for everyone's mental health. So remember the work that you do is never just for you. The work that you do is for you and all beings. That is the way to think about it.
Speaker 1:Okay, before we get into this guided meditation, I do want to let you know that I have a free resource. It's going to be in the show notes and it is a 365 dad, inner child and shadow work guide. So basically, I came up with an entire guide. I believe it's like 10 pages maybe, but it teaches you, as a dad, how to integrate inner child work and shadow work, and I have different journal prompts, different practices that you can do. So please check that out. It is going to be in the show notes the inner child and shadow work guide for dads. Check that out.
Speaker 1:Ok, let's go into this guided meditation. As always, if you are driving, handling an automobile, come back to this at a later time. But if you have the opportunity to replay it, awesome. If you have the opportunity to be grounded and meditate with us right now, awesome. Right now, awesome. So we're going to go ahead. And if it feels better for you, if it feels safe, just gently close your eyes. You're going to take a deep breath in through your nose, slowly exhale through your mouth. We're going to do that one more time. Just take a deep breath in through your nose, slowly exhale through your mouth. You want to let your shoulders drop. You want to feel relaxed, soften your body. You want to feel like you're in a very, very safe environment.
Speaker 1:Bring to mind a recent memory, recent moment, where your child triggered something in you, something really hard, something you did not want to feel. Don't judge it. Don't judge the way you reacted. Don't judge your child's reaction. Just think about it. Don't judge the way you reacted. Don't judge your child's reaction. Just think about it.
Speaker 1:Now you're going to ask yourself what part of me is being touched here. What part of me is this stirring up? Is it a young boy who didn't feel seen by his own father growing up? Was it the one who maybe didn't feel like they were enough in school, by their friends, by their peers, classmates? Is it the young boy who felt like he needed to be perfect, to be loved? Breathe into that, really breathe into that. Then, if you want to, you can hold your hand on your heart for this next part here. Whisper to your younger version of yourself You're safe now, you're enough. I see you Now.
Speaker 1:See your child in that same moment. Just breathe into your child's heart. Just all the loving, compassion, understanding, all the moments that they triggered you that you can think of. Breathe that same compassion into them when you replay that moment. Let them know you love them and you understand when you're ready. Let them know you love them and you understand when you're ready. Just take one last deep breath in and exhale with the intention to show up your full, full, whole Self. Remember you are both A parent and child. You are both the healer and the healed. You are both the mirror and the light. All right, so just remember that I appreciate you all. I'm sending you so much light. And just remember presence over perfection and once again, download that free shadow work guide for dads that is going to be in the show notes. I'll see you all next week Sending you all light.
