The Mindful Dad

Masculine and Feminine Energy in Fatherhood

Odeani McBean Episode 26

Discover how balancing masculine and feminine energy; discipline and empathy, logic and intuition; can deepen your connection with your kids. We’ll also end with a powerful guided meditation to ground you in presence. 

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Speaker 1:

Is that it, daddy, self-reflection. The best gift that you can give someone Is a gift that will allow them to look inward. Mindfulness. Look at my head, it's so big. Wait, do your routine, though. Remember to breathe. Strengthening relationships. Wait, do your routine, though Remember to breathe. Strengthening relationships. I do, you do. I do Community building. I thought about all the dads who must be going through what I'm going through.

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Mindful Dad Podcast. I'm your host, odini McBean, entrepreneur, devoted father of two and a fellow dad figuring this all out, just like you. This is the space where modern dads like you explore what it really means to lead with heart, presence and purpose. Each week, we dive into the deeper side of fatherhood mindfulness, self-awareness, emotional connection and how to show up fully, not just as a dad, but as your highest self. So take a deep breath, slow down and let's explore the path of mindful fatherhood together. Happy Tuesday, family.

Speaker 1:

Welcome back to another episode of the Mindful Dad podcast. I'm your host, odini McBean, and I am extremely excited to get into today's topic masculine energy versus feminine energy in fatherhood and how we can balance both for our benefit. I know I said the word feminine. That's like a code red word when it comes to dads and men in general, especially if you were raised by super rough and tough old school father. But the reality is it's all energy, right. You saying you're a man is just a role that you have just grown into Right, role that you have just grown into right. It's just a label, but what we can't escape is energy right At your source. You're all things, so you're masculine and, believe it or not, you're feminine as well, and so we are going to talk about the differences between both some characteristics of masculine and some characteristics of femininity, and how we can tap into both of them to be the best dad we can be and also to be the best men that we can be for our families and our friends and everyone we come across.

Speaker 1:

So before we get into that quick update, I'm just going to have to let y'all know. We had a basketball game last week and let me tell you, man, I was hooping out there. It's been a minute since I felt this good on the court. I'm walking 10,000 to 15,000 steps every day, so I think that has helped me. I think I scored like the first. So I think that has helped me. I think I scored like the first eight points for my team and we got the dub and I played really well, probably had about 16 points, few rebounds, few assists, but above all, I just felt good boy is back on the court and I'm looking like my old self. So we got a game this Sunday and I'll let you know how that goes on the next episode. Hopefully I can keep it up, all right.

Speaker 1:

So let's jump right into today's topic. So this is just me speaking from my personal experience and speaking from the experience of communicating with dads around this topic and also hate to say this, but social media. So I feel like too often fathers are boxed into this one definition. Right, think about a man, a dad. What's some things that come to mind If you were to say, give me some characteristics of a dad, we're going to think of somebody with muscles, probably, right, this super tall, muscular figure, and somebody who was just always in control, somebody who was like a go-getter at all times.

Speaker 1:

That's what you're going to probably think about, because that's the picture that you've been conditioned to think about. That's probably how you were raised to think about dad, father, and I truly believe that the real power in fatherhood comes in. It's a word I don't like using, called balance. I'm gonna say harmony. But the real power comes in realizing that we can be all things, because we are all things At the surface level. We are just conscious awareness, and that is vast picture, the way I like to describe who we truly are at our core. When we strip away the name, the height, the sex, the gender, the, we strip away all of the titles, the roles, we are just like. Think of the sky and you see how the sky holds everything. You realize that, right, if you think of the sky, it holds every single thing and that's what we are on a really, really deep level. So, with that being said, there's no way somebody can be strong but not have moments of being weak. There's no way somebody could be stern, right and very disciplinarian but can't have moments of being soft, gentle. And if you are going about your fatherhood journey thinking you have to be just this one way, not only are you robbing your children of a whole another experience of what it could be like to be raised by a man, you're robbing yourself of the experience of what it could be like to be whole, to be complete.

Speaker 1:

So today's episode, I really want to unpack the layers of how we can integrate both the masculine and feminine energy just to make us better men and better dads, and what I'm going to do is list off some traits that, if you look at the spiritual definitions of them, I'm going to list some traits of what it means to be feminine and what does it mean to be masculine, and I'm just going to go into my own, obviously all the time, my own personal experiences, but also give you some tips on how you can integrate both of these energies to be your best self. And, as always, at the end of the episode, I am going to lead a guided meditation on tuning into both your masculine and feminine energy. So let's get right into it. So let's start with the masculine first, because I'm sure that's what most of us are more adept to, right, when it comes to masculine energies.

Speaker 1:

Think of logic, right. Think of structure oh, everything has to be planned out this way. This makes the most sense, right. Structure this has to be done this way. This is the only way that this will be done correctly, right? Very, very masculine energy. Another masculine energy is like the urge to provide, the urge to protect, the urge to be the big bad bear that blocks everybody from entering right Masculine energy, decision-making right To have the skill to say I'm going to make the decision to do this right.

Speaker 1:

This is what's going to happen, this is how it's going to go, providing stability. That's a masculine energy, being a go-getter, like nonstop, very ambitious, got to go, got to get this done, got to get this done right and, like I said before, like just taking a lot of action and discipline, being very meticulous, being very disciplined about what you have going on. So obviously I'm saying things that clearly, if you think about it, you'd be like these are good things. So the thing about the way the universe works is it has to be balanced. So clearly, these are good things, but you have to find harmony in the opposites of them as well. To truly live your best fulfilled life, you have to have. You can't have one without the other. And so that's why, as men, as dads, it's so easy for us, because of society, to just lean in on the masculine and we totally forget the doors that can unlock if we really tap into our feminine side. So, when it comes to feminine energy, I'm going to list off some and then I guarantee at the end you're going to be like, yeah, that makes, yeah, I would want to be that way.

Speaker 1:

So, intuition, that's a. That's a feminine energy, right, energy right, trusting your gut on things, not just you know how they say read the room, right, you're with your kid and you want to make a decision so bad, based off what is like the most duh logical parenting thing to do, but you realize that decision is not going to benefit them in that moment based off of their emotional state. That's using your intuition, right, that's that inner knowing like this is the logical thing to do. But this is not what my child needs right now. They don't need me to say this or do that, they just need me to listen, be here, right. Intuition, that inner knowing, that's a feminine energy.

Speaker 1:

Another feminine energy is being like receptive, like being okay with hearing all the things, being okay with showing compassion. I would say being receptive. I would say compassion is a good one, believe it or not. Creative expression is another good one. You may think, oh, I'm an entrepreneur, right, I do this, I do that, I work so hard, I do this, I do that. That's my masculinity. Actually, when you're expressing yourself creatively, that is a trait of the feminine energy, right, like I said, intuition, that gut feeling, being able to be vulnerable, being able to emotionally connect with your child, to understand, to be a little more gentle with them in different situations, being open, being receptive, having compassion, being able to empathize with your child and express yourself creatively, these are all feminine energies.

Speaker 1:

Now, if I go to the average man that's outside and I say, hey, would you consider yourself like feminine? They're going to be like no, absolutely not. So then you could say, okay, do you feel like you have compassion in you? Are you compassionate? They're going to say, yeah, oh, okay, cool, can you feel like? Do you feel like you can empathize with people? Do you do a good job of putting yourself in other people's shoes? They're going to say, yeah, ok, cool, are you OK with being vulnerable? Maybe opening up here and there with your kids and telling them how you feel. Some men are going to be like yeah, ok, you are feminine. Right, but you're not saying you are, but you display traits. Right, but you're not saying you are, but you display traits. You display the energy and that's totally fine because it's a balance. Right, you're going to display both the traits I listed off earlier and you're also going to display that feminine energy as well.

Speaker 1:

And too many times especially online, because you know the type of content that I spill out too many times I get people that are like man, this makes sense, but you've got to be tough like this. That's the role of a dad. That's the one thing I'm not OK. I'm trying to be this like enlightened being in my life, and the journey is enlightenment to me anyway, just the journey of learning and overcoming. To me, that is what it's all about, and one day I'm sure that big payoff will come. But I say all that to say.

Speaker 1:

On this path, there are certain things that bring out my human, my flaws, to be upset with something to cling, with, something to be attached, and one of the things that like pissed me off, that will automatically throw me into reactive mode, is when people tell me it's a dad's responsibility to be tough, to give tough love. That's what we need to do. That's what makes our role so good. It's like bro no, it is not. Who told you that? Did you read that somewhere? Because I'll tell you what.

Speaker 1:

I grew up with a dad who took on that role and did not like him for many years until I was able to, as an adult, find compassion, empathize, right, be more open. Look at things from his shoes. It took me to be an adult, but growing up did not like that at all and I said this in another episode. So many dads who talk like this they hated their dads, they disliked their fathers. So it's like come on, we have to really set the bar higher.

Speaker 1:

Our parents, our fathers, did what they were doing. They tried their hardest. It's 2025, right, like we are at a time where you can literally do the work and find out why you react this way. Back then, they weren't doing that. They weren't trying to figure out what part of my childhood made you react this way. Back then, they weren't doing that. They weren't trying to figure out what part of my childhood made me react this way. They didn't think that was important. But the more we grow older, and especially in parenting, you realize, wait, this is very important, because now you being aware of this is gonna completely change the trajectory. It's gonna completely change the trajectory. It's going to completely change the direction, the path your children take as adults, for the better, right.

Speaker 1:

So I say all that to say let's remember these are not gender-based traits, like everything I'm telling you. They're energetic qualities that every human holds. We have just been conditioned to lean heavily onto one side. If you don't resonate or get anything that I say, going forward from this point on, let that be the thing that sits with you throughout the week and throughout the rest of this episode. So I love giving examples, so I'm just going to give you, like, some real life parenting examples of this in my life, and you could think of it in your life as well. So if I'm in my masculine energy, right, I'm doing the thing. I'm setting healthy routines. I'm making sure I do what I got to do to provide I'm teaching my routines. I'm making sure I do what I got to do to provide I'm teaching my kid discipline, right, I'm teaching him you need to stick to your word and you need to wake up and make your bed, and you need to make sure you do this before you do that, because that is how your day will unfold in a way that's best for you. A real long way of saying have a plan right, but the masculine way of going about it is routine, rigidness, structure, and a feminine way is more like okay, yo, two days in a row. Now you have not done what is expected of you when it comes to some of these routines.

Speaker 1:

Instead of going off yelling clean your room, tap in with the emotion. First, notice your children's emotion. Maybe they had a rough couple of days and they kind of really going through it in their mind and it's stopping them from being the best they could be. Because guess what Doesn't that happen to you? When I'm not feeling good emotionally, I don't go to bed on time. I tend to slack off on my diet, I tend to not want to go work out, I tend to have a little shorter fuse. Right, these are things that will happen to anybody if they're emotionally unstable. So if your child is going through something emotionally, I don't think they're going to make their bed every single morning. I don't.

Speaker 1:

The room may get a little messy. I know some of you are thinking, no, they're just lazy. That could be the case. But you're socially conditioned to lean into that first and that's the problem. You're socially conditioned to automatically go to nah, the room isn't clean because he just lazy, or it could be. The room isn't clean because he misses she or he misses their friends. If you're co-parenting, maybe they miss the other parent, right? Maybe they're not feeling good about a conversation they had with a friend at school. Maybe they're not feeling good about a conversation they had with you, another family member. Maybe that's the reason. But you're socially, we are socially conditioned to automatically jump to nah, they're just lazy, right?

Speaker 1:

A feminine approach would be to say hey, I noticed that you haven't been doing the things that you are expected to be doing. What's going on? Talk to me, that's it. That is really it. You mean to tell me, because you're a man, you can't do that. You know, right, that like like oh, they need a mom for that? No, they don't.

Speaker 1:

If you are in a traditional parenting dynamic, give the mom a break and you go do that because you can, you're capable of that, you're capable of being like, you know you want to go outside and take a walk around the corner. Tell me what's up with you. You can do that. It's basically offering a level of curiosity versus correcting right away. That's a good way to put it. Just offering curiosity instead of fix this right now. Because, no, it's like tap in more, find out what's really going on here. Okay, because no, it's like tap in more, find out what's really going on here. Okay, I would say, something to think about is look at your children as they are and not as how you expect them to be. I would say, when it comes to being feminine and energy wise in parenting, that is probably the number one thing you can do for your child as a dad is look at them. Look at them for who they are, not for who you expect them to be.

Speaker 1:

And I'm learning this a lot with my 13 year old, with my son, caleb. That's related to basketball. Caleb is what you will call this a freak athlete, elite shooter, just can do it all on a basketball court. But I want him to be that. But I want him to show it differently, because I want him to be what you would call a dog, a killer. Did I just growl? I definitely did, and I'm not going to edit that out. Like I want him to be a killer on a court, caleb will snatch your heart out of you on the basketball court silently, and he'll do it by. He'll realize that his team is up by seven and, in his mind, his way of showing his killer side is I'm about to pull up from three right here. When I pull up from three and this goes cash. They're going to be down by 10. They're going to be down double digits. That's and that's actually methodical and very like sicko, which is good.

Speaker 1:

My version of how I want him to be is I want him to be like up in your face. I want him to let you know. This is why I'm doing this and that's just not who he is. Maybe that's how he'll be sometimes. Maybe he can integrate that at some moments he'll be this way, some moments he'll be the other. But I wanted to see him for who he is and I want to appreciate him for how he is, because what he's doing out there is just as equally good as what anybody else is doing.

Speaker 1:

But we just wanted to look a certain way. Like no, that's not where he's at right now and nothing about Caleb. Is this another good example? I want to motivate him so bad, right, like I'll like send motivational text messages. And he straight up told me he's like that I am not externally motivated and I'm like what he's like. No, like, like you, playing this 20 minute Kobe Bryant motivational speech video is not going to do it for me. He finds internal motivation. That is actually beautiful. That's actually amazing. But that's not how we're conditioned to want it to be right. We want to be like I want to get you psyched up. I want to say this and I want you to look at what I say and say, yeah, right, because, why? Because that makes who feel good Us me but that's not. He's just not that person. I, on the other hand, I'm very externally motivated. Caleb. That's not who he is. He finds motivation internally and he's going to do what he does Right. So that's an example of just like seeing him for who he is and not who I'm expecting him to be.

Speaker 1:

So let's talk about basically what can happen if you lean a little too far into the masculine right, trying too hard to be that disciplined guy, that provider. The easiest way for me to put it, without taking up too much time, is that it's going to have a role in the disconnection from you and your child, because they are going to need you to be both to satisfy all of who they are. You ever feel like when you go through certain things in life, you just know you can't go to your dad about that. You may secretly want to, but you're like I'm not going to talk to my dad about this, because I already know he's not going to understand this. Yeah, I bet you understand.

Speaker 1:

I've had moments in my life as an adult where I have I've gone through some stuff and when I talk to people about it they don't make me feel better. And one day I was like for this particular thing, I was like man, I'm going to just call my dad and I'm totally not used to this because we don't talk about anything on the emotional side. So I was like I'm going to just call my dad and I'm totally not used to this, because we don't talk about anything on the emotional side. So I was like I'm gonna just call my dad. Like he got it was something that he would have had to known anyway, like I couldn't hide it from him. So it was going to impact him tremendously. So I was like you know what? Let me just tell him.

Speaker 1:

So I call him and remember this is he's my last option. My best friends, my mom, like everybody else, my sister they are like not doing it for me. I call my dad. I'm like yo, dad, this is the situation. This man, out of all the people, and as my last option, this man made me feel so worthy, so validated, just so special, like more than my mother did in this situation, and I hung up that phone and I cried. I cried. You know why I cried? I cried because to think that I didn't even give him a chance, and the sad part about it is that's because growing up, he never, he's never been the one to make me feel like I can come to him about certain things and for him to be the one to make me feel better. I cried because I'm like yo, I can't believe this just happened, like I felt bad for ever doubting him.

Speaker 1:

But this, these are the things that we go through, right, you know, when we are not dads that are emotionally connected, right? Wouldn't you want your child to be okay coming to you with anything that they're going through? I'm not just trying to be here for when you got you want advice on dating a girl, or when you want advice on the type of outfit you trying to wear, or when you want advice on the best video game to get. That's great, it's a part of being a dad. But nah, you don't feel good about how you feel about yourself. You don't feel good about something that's going on in your personal life. Come to me like I'm trying to like. Am I crazy for saying that? No, and I'm sure some of you feel the same way. But if you're tapping too much into this masculine side, you're not gonna know what to do with it when you get it right. When your kid comes to you and say dad, dad, I don't feel, I don't feel good, I don't feel good about myself, I don't feel worthy. You are going to be like Google. You might hit up Google, but the point I'm trying to make is just tapping into both sides of your energy, you'll be able to show up. So that's something to keep in mind.

Speaker 1:

Think of a tree and just bear with me here. Think of a tree. Right, the trunk, you would say, is like masculine. Right, the trunk is very big, very strong. It's rooted. You can even say the trunk has some structure to it. But if you look at the leaves, the leaves are feminine. Why? Because they just move with the wind. Right, think about this. They move with the wind. They're the ones that catch the life. The leaves are the ones that are like. You can physically see them breathing. And guess what? A tree is going to need both to be its best self. Right, it's going to need that trunk to be rooted and to be strong and to be in place. Need that trunk to be rooted and to be strong and to be in place so it doesn't pop up out of the ground when it's like some adverse weather. But as much as it needs that, it's going to need the leaves to be always flowing. It's going to need the leaves to give off that oxygen. Right, it needs both to be its best self. That's a good way to think about it. Right?

Speaker 1:

Before we get into the meditation, I really want to talk about ways that you can go about integrating this stuff into your day, into your week, into your life. So one thing I came up with is I always do this, no matter what topic it is, because I find this to be very helpful. It's checking in. That's the best thing we can do. We can do is check in like a check in practice.

Speaker 1:

Am I reacting from fear? That's like a more of a masculine type of shadow. All right, we'll get into shadows a lot in the future episodes, but basically, sides of us that we want to like hide or we don't really want to dive into because we feel like it's going to be too much. Are you reacting from fear, which is a masculine shadow, or are you responding from presence? There's no fear, there's just what's happening right now. And what am I choosing to do? When you get into an intense conversation, or when your kid tells you some stuff that you were not expecting, how are you responding to that Is it? Are you riled up? Are you yelling because there's some internal fear there, or are you like taking the moment for what it is, and that is how you be, that's how you're present in fatherhood. Just take the moment for what it is.

Speaker 1:

Another thing you can do is turn it on and off Right. So, for example, at work, you're probably very masculine. Just take the moment for what it is. Another thing you can do is turn it on and off right. So, for example, at work, you're probably very masculine. You got to get this done. You got your timetable. You're doing this, you're doing that when you come home. All right, masculine, let's say, john. Masculine, john, I left that guy at the car. Now I'm stepping into a presence. Now I'm stepping into. Okay, I'm actually out here, really moving with the wind. I'm actually out here, really taking the time for what it is. Switch on and off. I'm going into the house, I'm going to be more receptive, I'm going to be more open-minded. Now you can switch these things on and off.

Speaker 1:

So here's a journal prompt for you to think about. You know, I love me a good journal prompt. Here's a good journal prompt for you to think about today. Where do I suppress my softness out of fear of appearing weak? Think about that. Where do you suppress your softness? So that side of you that is very gentle, very sweet. Where do you suppress that? Because it's not going to make you look big and strong. And what areas are you doing that? We can make it in fatherhood, but this show goes well beyond your role as dad. So even think about it in your life, outside of being a dad. Right, where are you doing that at? And then I would say, a good affirmation for you to think about subconsciously you can say it out loud, you can write it down whenever you are getting into this type of work is you can tell yourself there is strength in my softness, there is power in my presence, there is strength in my softness. That alone is a bar. There is power in my presence. All of these things are feminine energy and is showing you that being present, being soft, there's strength in that and there's power in that. So we need to find ways to acknowledge that and be okay with that.

Speaker 1:

Something I really wanted to tap into as well is talked about parenting, being a dad from intuition, and, if I'm being honest with you, there are I'm probably gonna do multiple episodes, but I just wanna give you one, like maybe two things when it comes to tips from how to parent from intuition, because that is something that I've been working on for the last two years. I've been working on being vulnerable, being mindful for years, but as far as like really really parenting intuitively, that's a game changer and I'll do a whole slew of episodes on that by itself, but for this episode, I just wanna give you some tips, some quick ones. Trust your feeling before your logic, right. Don't be conditioned to just go to intellect, and I'm telling you I do that all the time. I am right away. I'm like this must be this, because one plus one is two, right, but if you parent from your gut, from your heart, from your body, that is so much more special than parenting from your head. So that's one. The way my child's energy is what do they need from me in this moment? That's something that you should think about.

Speaker 1:

Another thing is drop the playbook, drop the parenting playbook. You know the parenting playbook right it's. I have to say this in this moment. Or, for dinner, have to eat this because of this. And, once again, these are things that I'm not, I'm flawed, these are things that I'm not like the best at, but sometimes I really think about this as I'm going through this, because the most aligned decision won't probably be the most popular one. Right, like, just trust what feels true. You know what I'm saying. Don't do what looks good. You know what I mean.

Speaker 1:

And, man, I think that is a very powerful statement because we all want to take aligned action. I'm going to be honest in my personal life right now, when I am having like dating woes, I'm always like I want to find a line to partner, right, I want them to have these same beliefs as me. I want them to be into the same thing, that's the same exact things that I'm in, and I have realized that you can really lose a good thing by thinking that way. Obviously, we want to take aligned action if we have the right intention behind it. So I'm not going to sit here and tell you being aligned is terrible Clearly not. But if you're trying to be aligned with something that's speaking to your heart, you can miss out on a lot of things personal life and parenting, right. What's most aligned Like you could be with somebody who talks like you, looks like you, walks like you, believes to a T what you believe, votes the same way that you vote, and that person can treat you like crap. That person could not value you. You know what I mean. So it's not always about being aligned, right. So that's just something to think about. I just wanted to give some tips on how to parent from intuition, how to be a dad from intuition.

Speaker 1:

So the next thing we're going to do is we're just going to go into this meditation, all right. So let's settle in and we're just going to, as always, if it feels comfortable for you, close your eyes just so we can get a deep, deep level of concentration. You want to take a deep breath through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth. We're going to do that one more time Deep breath through your nose and slowly exhale through your mouth. I don't know if you're sitting down, if you're laying down, but just feel your body on whatever surface, if it's the floor, if it's a chair, if it's the bed, just feel your body on the surface. I like to think of it as feel the weight of your body being held by earth. You know you don't need to hold everything right now. Earth got you covered, right. So just feel yourself being received by earth. Now you want to take a deep breath, but now this breath is you breathing into your strength? All right, breathe into the side of you that shows up, that protects, that provides. Breathe into that, feel that energy. What does it feel like to be someone who is an amazing provider, an amazing protector? What does that feel like? Breathe into that. Now you're going to shift and you're going to put a hand on your heart and you're going to breathe into the other energies, now the feminine side. You're going to breathe into what it feels like to be open. What does it feel like to be warm?

Speaker 1:

You ever look at your child when they're just being themselves, not who you want them to be, and you're like man. He or she, they are on one. They are hilarious. I love them this way. Right, the little quirks that they do. That's just them, has nothing to do with how you raise them, right, but you can appreciate them. Breathe into that.

Speaker 1:

Relive that moment. Visualize moments like that. That's you being tender and you got to be okay with words like that. Right, that's you being tender, that's you being present. Breathe into that and breathe out. Let that visualization of you being warm-hearted, tender, present, let that expand in your chest and think to yourself you are both Right, you are the structure, you are the, you are the dam. You're also the river. Right, you're the mountain. You're the mountain, but you're also the wind. Right, think of that. Think like that. Think of being at all. Don't limit yourself. Take a deep breath in as you exhale. Let go of any stories that says you must be like this or you must be like that. Right, you're the whole thing. Remember that. So, when you're ready, open your eyes and try to walk around today, the rest of the day, the rest of your week, with that in your mind. Right, that you are the whole thing.

Speaker 1:

Wow, I appreciate you all for sticking with me this long. That concludes today's episode. Man, I am about to go pick up my children and we're going to have a great, great time together this weekend and I'm looking forward to it. If this episode helped you in any way, please rate, review and share with a fellow dad who you think can benefit from this conversation. As always, I'm sending you all light. Have a good one. I'll catch you next time.

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