Ever found yourself questioning the bedrock upon which love and respect in relationships stand? That's precisely where our conversation leads in this week’s episode, as we strip back the veneer to explore the truth about commitment amidst the frenetic pace of our digital world. We discuss the critical elements that hold relationships together—honesty, trust, and communication—and how, despite the tests life throws our way, choosing fidelity remains within our power. Our dialogue doesn't shy away from the uncomfortable, as we consider whether monogamy still holds its ground or if infidelity has crept in as a distressing new standard.
This episode, we dive headfirst into the heart-wrenching aftermath of betrayal, guided by a potent audio clip that lays bare the strength and resilience demanded of those wronged by infidelity. I share insights into the nuances of male and female reactions to cheating, noting the starkly different societal expectations. We also contemplate the tough choices couples face in the wake of unfaithfulness, addressing the complexities of staying together for the kids or financial reasons. It's a candid discussion that underscores the need for open communication from the start and the alignment on life goals necessary for a respectful, loving partnership.
Wrapping up, we tackle the often unspoken complexities of relationships, such as navigating a partner's past same-sex encounters. It's a challenge to our own preconceptions and the double standards we may unknowingly hold. Above all, we champion the cause of honesty and growth within relationships and the extraordinary impact of life's smaller, yet pivotal moments. For those navigating these intricate challenges and in search of support, resources like the Turnaround Project stand ready to offer life coaching and guidance on the journey to betterment.
Ever found yourself questioning the bedrock upon which love and respect in relationships stand? That's precisely where our conversation leads in this week’s episode, as we strip back the veneer to explore the truth about commitment amidst the frenetic pace of our digital world. We discuss the critical elements that hold relationships together—honesty, trust, and communication—and how, despite the tests life throws our way, choosing fidelity remains within our power. Our dialogue doesn't shy away from the uncomfortable, as we consider whether monogamy still holds its ground or if infidelity has crept in as a distressing new standard.
This episode, we dive headfirst into the heart-wrenching aftermath of betrayal, guided by a potent audio clip that lays bare the strength and resilience demanded of those wronged by infidelity. I share insights into the nuances of male and female reactions to cheating, noting the starkly different societal expectations. We also contemplate the tough choices couples face in the wake of unfaithfulness, addressing the complexities of staying together for the kids or financial reasons. It's a candid discussion that underscores the need for open communication from the start and the alignment on life goals necessary for a respectful, loving partnership.
Wrapping up, we tackle the often unspoken complexities of relationships, such as navigating a partner's past same-sex encounters. It's a challenge to our own preconceptions and the double standards we may unknowingly hold. Above all, we champion the cause of honesty and growth within relationships and the extraordinary impact of life's smaller, yet pivotal moments. For those navigating these intricate challenges and in search of support, resources like the Turnaround Project stand ready to offer life coaching and guidance on the journey to betterment.
HodgeKids, hodgewife. Yo, you, good y'all, you are such a liar, a liar. A liar, let's go, and that's on Pivotal.
Speaker 1:
HoodChatter.
Speaker 2:
What's going on, everybody? I am back again. I'm your host, doc J, and welcome to another episode of Hood Chatter. Okay, we are audio therapy, geared for the everyday person, looking for an outlet for friendly advice, truth, laughs and sarcasm. Okay, we are back with a brand new episode, and this week it's just us. No testimonial, just us. But I do have some audio that I want to play for you later.
Speaker 2:
That coincides with today's topic, and today's topic is our relationships, love and respect. Our relationships, love and respect, right. So we're just going to get right into it, because love and respect should be at the forefront of every relationship, and that's whether you're in a heterosexual relationship or a homosexual relationship or a partnership. What all of us want is love and respect. Okay, so the Oxford Dictionary defines the word relationship as this the way in which two people are connected, right. Oddly enough, the New York state government, on the website, has a definition for healthy relationships, right, and they say a healthy relationship is one that involves honesty, trust, respect and open communication between partners, and they take effort and compromise for both people. There is no imbalance of power. Partners respect each other's independence, can make their own decisions without fear of retribution or retaliation and shared decisions. However, check this out. The definition for a bad relationship is found on the Planned Parenthood website Exactly. But listen to this. Planned Parenthood defines a bad relationship as lying, cheating, jealousy and disrespect are signs of an unhealthy relationship. Okay, so it's trying to control a partner. That includes keeping track of where they are, who they hang out with, checking their phone or email without permission. Okay, who knew that? Planned Parenthood would hit the nail on the head Lying, cheating and disrespect that's crazy. Trying to control your partner, keeping track of where they are and who they hang out with how many people in relationships or how many people have you been with that? The relationship went south because somebody is always trying to keep track of where you are and what you're doing and where you're going and we talked about in the other show on the first show come on playing with somebody's phone and getting in their email without their permission. Absolute, no, no, okay.
Speaker 2:
So I want to get into a question right now. Today, we're going to break this into three parts and this is going to be commitment and monogamy, cheating, and then the benefits of working on your relationship. So my question is is commitment still alive today? Okay, is commitment still alive today? Or is cheating and infidelity the new norm? Right, because in today's fast paced, trending social media, instant gratification society that we live in, like really does a committed relationship still exist? Or is monogamy a thing of the past? And I'm talking about like true faithful, like committed to your relationship and to your family. Ok, now, I'm not talking about innocent bar club flirting, dancing. Ok, because we all know everybody wants to feel desired and know that, even if they're not available, you know they still got it, you know you still want to know you possess the power to attract the opposite sex. So I'm not referring to that at all, but I'm talking about when you consent to being in a relationship with somebody. Is the idea of monogamy still taken seriously these days?
Speaker 2:
And it's my experience professionally and personally that oftentimes people enter into relationships fully intended to be faithful, right, however, we know as relationships develop, situations and circumstances come up, challenge, get disciplined. They do, and we all know we have the ability to be disciplined. But our ability to stay committed and disciplined is definitely a personal choice. But with that I will say that there are instances in a relationship that can push the other person away. Right Lack of communication, lack of intimacy, lack of personal growth, frustration, lack of intimacy, um, lack of personal growth, some people give up on themselves and other people give up on their relationship and and really just become emotionally unavailable. Um, sometimes tragedy arise or financial hardships, and that really then allows you to see the true colors of your partner. So, um, I do believe that there's some different factors that play into the strength of a relationship. But the question here is really to the mindset and not the outset factors, because we all know shit happens Really. You know life be life and there are a lot of things that are completely outside of our control. But when we begin a journey with another person, is your mindset geared towards being faithful, going into the relationship?
Speaker 2:
Like, people have their own construct of what cheating looks like, but I can say most people are not OK with the idea of being cheated on. Now, I can say this is oftentimes something that a woman has to go through and deal with from a man right. When a man cheats, a woman is expected to eat that right and deal with the apology. And if your man is really about that life, then it might come with a gift. But when a dude gets cheated on or better off, okay. Men cannot fathom the idea of another man hitting their girl from the back, right, and I don't care how many apologies a woman would give. That's not going to suffice, because a woman is instantly deemed a hoe or a whore or a thot. But the same rules do not apply to men, who oftentimes are habitual cheaters.
Speaker 2:
But I do believe that we know ourselves and we know what we're going through when we're going through, and most of the time we know what we need, what's not working for us and cheating many times comes from built up anger Right, and then it's used as a tool for revenge or trying to level the playing field or a way to feel better about something that went wrong. Right, and we have to start to adopt a different policy and maybe that'll encourage more commitment right. We have to start being honest Honesty before anger Right, really being honest before anger, because a lot of other person have to say we often stay quiet in times and instead of communicating what's going on with us in that moment, we let it build up. So let me say this Whether you're in a relationship or seek in a relationship, let's start to evaluate our motivation right and our mindset and really check ourself, because you might find that you're entering into relationships for the wrong reason, or you might be in a relationship and you just genuinely wasted somebody's time right, which is ridiculous, and don't let nobody waste your time.
Speaker 2:
Like real talk, don't. Don't let nobody waste your time Now. I came across this clip right On Instagram, which absolutely went viral, so I would imagine that most of us have heard it, but I do want to play it for you now, because real talk, it is so real and it directly relates to today's topic of our relationships and love and respect, and it so falls in line with the essence of commitment and monogamy and cheating, um, so let's get into it and then we can break it down.
Speaker 3:
I mean great because I love you. I never wanted to not be with you. I never wanted to be be without you. I want to do life with you. But in the process of all this happening, you a liar. You got to a bitch and I had to hear from this bitch which our relationship was about. No, we not fucking, no more. I want to see other people. You act like you're the only fucker in this relationship that other people want to. No, we, we, no, let's, let's be real, let's. So what we gonna do is we gonna stay together. We gonna have a beautiful life together for the rest of our lives. We gonna continue getting money together. We gonna continue raising this little girl together. We gonna have a fabulous home. We're gonna love and take care of each other. But I'm gonna other people and I hope you do too, oh jesus christ. And we will never, ever talk about Don't bring me no babies, don't bring me no diseases, but we're going to do what we want to do outside this house because to this point it has worked.
Speaker 2:
Now, baby Girlfriend went in, like girlfriend went in, like this is old school grandma, abuela, shit right here, like, really, because old school women were not naive and they had their priorities, priorities, like, together in a different way. Okay, but they knew when that man was cheating. And most women know when their man is cheating. Okay, most women know when their man is cheating. And fellas, unfortunately, women are so elegant with their shit. They could be cheating on you for years and you never know it. But these women right here, they were not thrown in the towel because of that, with grandma and girlfriend in this clip. They was like you cheating and now we're supposed to start selling property and splitting up kids. Uh-uh, like I worked too hard for all of that, right, but I understand most women would not have this mindset, right, but if this works for you, it works for you. Now for the fellas, right now, and I want you to be real, real talk. So now for the fellas, right now, and I want you to be real, real talk. Your girl catches you with your jump ball and what you just heard, that's what she hits you with. How are you going to deal with that? Because, truthfully, if you get caught cheating, you expect for some shit to pop off like, right off the bat, some arguing, maybe some fighting, definitely breaking up, or at least some talks of breaking up, right, but old girl came at this situation like a gangster. So, fellas, how would you handle your lady laying down the law and checking you like that Because she really put him in his place and is teaching him a lesson, and checking you like that because she really put him in his place and is teaching him a lesson right now? Granted, he messed up royally right. One for cheating, and this is this, this, this is for the dudes right now. One for cheating, but two for letting your side chick feel comfortable enough to violate. I don't know what's going on these days. I'm going to leave that for another show. But dude was not ready for that smoke. Let me say that he was not ready for that smoke. He probably didn't even know that she was capable of starting that kind of fire. Okay, and there was nothing that he could do to put it out. Okay, and okay.
Speaker 2:
I know some of y'all are probably thinking if you're in a committed relationship, why not just leave before cheating? Right, and you're right. You're absolutely right. Right, but I will say this leaving is hard to do, okay, and depending on the duration of the relationship, whether or not the kids involved, or your living arrangements or subscriptions because y'all know we bug out over our subscriptions, right, especially because netflix is limiting our users now, bastards, um, but you know it might be health concerns or, you know, fear of being alone. Um, I cheat and shouldn't be the first option. But this is why we talk about stuff like this together.
Speaker 2:
Right, because when we get into a relationship or when we're dating, we have to start asking the answer to, but you're too afraid to ask because of, you know, fear or rejection or fear of commitment, fear of judgment or whatever you've gone through in the past. But we have to start really being real when we get into relationships or while we're in the dating phase, and start really asking those questions like have you ever been in love or do you love me? Um, will you cheat on me and are you wasting my time or is this for real? You know, if you're dating, do you believe in god? If you believe, do you want children? Because those things are important, you know what I'm saying Like, do you believe in disciplining your children? Or questions like what are your goals for the next five years? Because you don't want to be sitting around with someone who's doing the same shit in 2024 that they was doing in 2019, right, let's alleviate a lot of potentially wasted time and maybe we'll know more about who we're dealing with before things get too deep. Because we find ourselves sometimes in relationships that we wanted to be good or we were hoping for the best, but we might have necessarily knew that we shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with, right, well, we might have necessarily knew that we shouldn't have been in that situation to begin with.
Speaker 2:
Right Now, I believe this goes hand in hand with commitment and monogamy and the possibility of cheating. Right, when you're in a relationship, how often should you be having sex? And I want you to be real. Like, how often should you have sex in order to keep your relationship healthy and make sure that both people's needs are being met? Right, because bad bedrooms mess up good relationships. Hear me when I say that Bad bedrooms mess up good relationships. Now, it does make a difference if you live together or not. Right, because every relationship is different, so sometimes you might have to factor in work schedules, school schedules, children sleep, you know whatever, but you have to work to keep your relationship fresh, and that includes your bedroom.
Speaker 2:
Right now. It's my belief that in a healthy relationship, y'all should be getting it in at least three times a week, right, I think that's safe. At least three times a week. Now, maybe on some weeks that might fluctuate, but for the most three times a week should be sufficient, right, and it doesn't necessarily always have to be intercourse, but you should be doing something where the both of you are being satisfied regularly and you take time to bring the two of you closer together as a unit. Right, because you've got to work at that thing. You can't just coast. Got to work at that thing, you can't just coast. And let me say this If you're not getting what you want in the bedroom, speak up before commitment turns to creeping. I'm going to say that again If you're not getting what you want in your bedroom, speak up before commitment turns to creeping. Okay, now shit should be 50 50 in a relationship and this professor and his wife say this and I love it.
Speaker 2:
The aim of the 50, 50 is to emphasize that in every issue that arises in a relationship, both people have the responsibility and the best strategy for addressing it. Now, this might not work for everybody, but let me say this I do believe that living with somebody before marriage is a smart idea. Right, because being together is one thing, but living together is something totally different. Right, because that's the time when you really see whether or not you want to stay together, or even if you like that person once the honeymoon phase and the infatuation dies. Right, that's when you really find out, like, what are your goals and how that person operates. Like you need to see things like that, how a person operates in an argument, or you know, one of the biggest things in relationships that make relationships go south is challenges with finances. So you know, you need to see what the money looks like and do you have healthy financial habits? Are you okay with women empowerment? Or you know, as a woman, are you okay with being the breadwinner? Or, as a man, are you okay with that woman being the breadwinner? If that's the case, because when Netflix is off and you finish chilling like, do you even have anything in common? And I think living together is something that's very helpful before people get in long-term relationships, right? So let me say this If anybody's going through the things that I was talking about in reference to being in a committed relationship or, you know, dealing with cheating or how to prevent cheating or hopefully prevent cheating to keep your relationship fresh and stay committed to each other.
Speaker 2:
If you're going through this, you're definitely not alone, right? But this shit is all stuff that we need to be talking about, right, we want advice on what to wear or what to eat or where to travel or where to hang out. So why don't we seek counsel with the real challenges of our life, right? Maybe not from your single broke girlfriend or the boy, your boy, who sleeps with mad women, right, but advice from somebody who will tell you the truth, because relationships are hard. Right, relationships are hard.
Speaker 2:
You're not always happy. Every day is not sunshine, okay, there are going to be days when you want to say fuck it and walk out. Like real talk. There are times when you will feel underappreciated and there are times when you will underappreciate. Let me say that again there are times when you will feel underappreciated and there are times when you will underappreciate, underappreciated, and there are times when you will underappreciate and nobody talks about these things, right, like you see the Cosby show and Grown-ish and you know shows that offer family dynamics with a comedic twist, right. But one of the things that I loved about the old school show Good Times is that they always highlighted the struggle and the challenges and overcoming, but it also displayed the hard work and the triumph and joy and pain and love that comes with working through life's challenges and how those things can strengthen your relationship. All right, so we beat that in the head, so we on to the next one.
Speaker 1:
We'll come on to talk, to need someone to listen, looking for clarity and strategy. Reach out to the turnaround project. Our life coaches are here to help you on your journey to getting better, doing better and being better.
Speaker 2:
Tardem Run Project helping individuals learn to help themselves. Let me get y'all a couple of good questions before we exit stage left, right? So hold on, because you know I'm coming with some shit right. First, what is your opinion on threesomes in a relationship? I'm going to let that pause. If you are sitting next to your man or your girl right now, don't turn and look at them in the face. Right now. That's dirty. That is so dirty. But what is your opinion on threesomes in a relationship? That's first. Second, do you tell your partner when they no longer look the way that they did when y'all got together? You still looking at the person next to you if you sitting next to them. Don't do that. And I know, ladies, I know exactly what you're thinking. First and foremost, if this mother ever tells me that I'm fat or something like that, it's going to be a certified problem. Maybe the shoe should also go on the other foot, because, you know, after a while dudes be thinking they sexy with that belly and them tight jeans. And this is the last question I'm gonna leave you with, right?
Speaker 2:
Would you break up with your spouse if you found out they had sex with the same sex in the past? If you found out they had sex with the same sex in the past. Digest it, breathe, take it in Process. How would you feel if you found out that your spouse had sex with the same sex in the past? And I'm not talking about been in relationships or was dealing with somebody for years. I'm talking about a one-night stand. Now, keep in mind this is a double standard here, because women tend to get over on this with having that experience with their girlfriend in college or you know that one little drunk night I kissed a girl and I liked it right. But that dynamic does not necessarily apply to dudes. So I want you to take that in and be definitely honest with it. Would you break up with your spouse and is that a deal breaker, if you found out that they had sex with the same sex in the past? So throw these around. You know I'm going to post these online. All right, family, that's it for me today.
Speaker 1:
I'll catch you next week and remember, it's the little things that matter, see you soon when we come on the talk to need someone to listen, looking for clarity and strategy. Reach out to the Turnaround Project. Our life coaches are here to help you on your journey to getting better, doing better and being better. Tardem Run Project helping individuals learn to help themselves.
