Have you ever felt lost in the labyrinth of modern parenting? Tune in for a heartfelt and enlightening journey as we navigate the ups and downs of raising kids in the digital age. We'll sift through the barrage of information and advice thrown at today's parents, tackling topics from the evolved 'stranger danger' to the fine line between discipline and abuse. Celebrate the triumphs of May's graduates with us and empathize with the complexities faced by single parents during the upcoming summer months.
Parenting encompasses joys, challenges, and a plethora of choices that can shape our children's futures. This episode brings to light the emotional rollercoaster involved in nurturing young minds, the significance of selecting a co-parenting partner, and the paradox of boredom amidst a plethora of digital distractions. We delve into the impact of social media on mental health, the intricacies of explaining diverse family structures to kids, and the financial strains of setting up college funds and instilling money management skills. Our discussion pays homage to the changing face of education and the necessity of preparing our offspring for the real world.
Ending on a note of introspection and self-improvement, we grapple with moral dilemmas such as encountering a fortune at an ATM and dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. We also discuss the struggle of managing conflicts with a child's antagonistic teacher. Through sharing my personal growth and life's lessons, I hope to offer solace and guidance. We round off by celebrating our community's support and invite listeners to join us on social media and participate in the Turnaround Project, fostering resilience and empowerment.
Have you ever felt lost in the labyrinth of modern parenting? Tune in for a heartfelt and enlightening journey as we navigate the ups and downs of raising kids in the digital age. We'll sift through the barrage of information and advice thrown at today's parents, tackling topics from the evolved 'stranger danger' to the fine line between discipline and abuse. Celebrate the triumphs of May's graduates with us and empathize with the complexities faced by single parents during the upcoming summer months.
Parenting encompasses joys, challenges, and a plethora of choices that can shape our children's futures. This episode brings to light the emotional rollercoaster involved in nurturing young minds, the significance of selecting a co-parenting partner, and the paradox of boredom amidst a plethora of digital distractions. We delve into the impact of social media on mental health, the intricacies of explaining diverse family structures to kids, and the financial strains of setting up college funds and instilling money management skills. Our discussion pays homage to the changing face of education and the necessity of preparing our offspring for the real world.
Ending on a note of introspection and self-improvement, we grapple with moral dilemmas such as encountering a fortune at an ATM and dealing with the aftermath of infidelity. We also discuss the struggle of managing conflicts with a child's antagonistic teacher. Through sharing my personal growth and life's lessons, I hope to offer solace and guidance. We round off by celebrating our community's support and invite listeners to join us on social media and participate in the Turnaround Project, fostering resilience and empowerment.
HodgeKids HodgeWife. Yo you good yo. You are such a liar. You're a liar, it's live.
Speaker 2:
Let's go, it's live.
Speaker 1:
And that's on Pivotal HoodChatter. What's going on, family? I'm your host, doc J, and welcome to another episode of Good Chatter, come on. I want to thank you guys for sharing in this experience with me. You know how we do. So far this is going good, guys. The weather is finally breaking, so I'm hoping everybody is starting to enjoy this nice weather and these couple of nice days and, as we prepare for Memorial Day, I just want to say happy Memorial Day to everybody in advance. Be safe, drink safe, think smart and just enjoy yourself, okay.
Speaker 1:
So today's episode is all about new age kids and the challenges of raising children in today's society, so let's just jump right in. I was online the other day and I read this blog that a parent wrote a guy and he talked about how, when he grew up, he was able to go to the playground or to the mall or whatever by himself or with his friends we're talking pre-cell phone era, so he was able to make collect calls and if he needed his mother to come and pick him up, if he missed the bus you know him and his friends then he could do that. Or if he fell off the jungle gym at the school and he needed his mom to come and pick him up. You know that whole thing, the whole parent thing. But then he also describes a time that he grew up where, when he got home from school, his parents were still at work and he was at home most of the time when they got off. So right now he describes his biggest challenge today as trying to keep his daughter safe, and I know that really sounds like every parent's challenge since the beginning of time. But it's really so different now because parents have all the information they could possibly want and need. But a lot of the times that information contradicts each other and changes with the wind. Right.
Speaker 1:
Something simple as stranger danger is no longer the creepy guy in the van. You know, it's the teacher in the classroom or the coach on the swim team, it's the mom down the street or that invisible man on the internet. So something like stranger danger isn't that simple anymore. There are potent drugs that can destroy your mind the first time you use them, or sometimes even vaccines that a doctor recommends, meat that you buy at the store or clothes that you purchased online. So he described how he was so fearful about leaving his child alone for even a moment and the possibility of them being taken away or something happening to them. And maybe the old saying ignorance is bliss is true. But he says that his mother wasn't bombarded by the amount of information that we have right now. She raised her kids with her gut and her instinct and on the things that her parents brought her up on.
Speaker 1:
Now I don't know about you, but this is exactly how I grew up Like. I was independent at the age of six. I washed clothes, I had my own house key. I was left at home while my parents were working right. But I also received strict instructions that I knew needed to be followed. You don't open the door. You don't touch the stove. You don't tell nobody your business. You come right in this house after you get off that school bus. You be in the house before those streetlights come on. Don't be in the streets acting like you no fool. Act like you got some home training. Don't let nobody tell me you out in the street acting crazy.
Speaker 1:
Okay, y'all know I'm talking right, you was not about to embarrass our parents. It was straight. Watch him out, stay out of grown folks conversation. Don't interrupt me when I'm talking. Okay, I know I'm on point, but when we were kids, we knew we had to follow instructions, because the alternative of not following instructions was what getting your ass whooped which, might I add, is something totally different than being abused. Let me say that discipline and abuse are two different things. However, the lines become blurred with the person shelling out the discipline, but for the vast majority of people, disciplining their children is a form of tough love that helps them along the way.
Speaker 1:
Okay, a lot of people have things to say about the different ways in which parents discipline their children. You know Karen's right. However, the same people that make those comments are not going to help you raise your kids, and they're not going to help you with the challenges of raising your kids. So let me say this to the parents govern yourself accordingly, what works for you and your household. That's what it is. Don't try to keep up with the Joneses and, you know, dictate what you got going on in your house by what everybody else has going on in theirs, right? So it's the month of May, it is prom season and graduation season, so I want to shout out anybody that's graduating right now, and I also want to shout out the parents of any kids that are graduating right now, because I know the struggle that it is for you to get your kids to graduation and across that stage. So kudos to all of you.
Speaker 1:
And as we approach the end of the school year and prepare for the summer, I want to ask you what do you do with your children for the summer, especially during that transition period between school ending and the beginning of camp? Like, what do you really do with your kids? Now, I know the edgier child is a big factor, right, and some need a babysitter and others are just old enough to be self-sufficient. But I'm talking about people that don't have family members or can't afford a sitter or can't get financial support for daycare. What do they do? Like, what do y'all really do? Now? I don't have kids of my own right, but I am a mega godparent and I've been looking after children since I was a child.
Speaker 1:
So I wanted to touch on this topic to shed light on some of the things that today's parents face, and for me, I'm always perplexed at how often kids are out of school when parents have to work. So what does a parent do with their children on breaks and summers? And if you don't have access to childcare or if you work full time. How do you handle that? And a lot of today's kids I know have traded in face-to-face interaction and outdoor activities for online gaming and messing with their phones and things of that sort, so they are a lot less inclined to hang out with their friends. But they also have a bigger vocabulary than we had at our age to express themselves and the way that they feel.
Speaker 1:
But especially single parents like I would imagine that's a hell of a challenge right there. Something as simple as just finding child care. Now, I know most parents will tell you that being a parent is enjoyable and rewarding, but others will testify that parenting is tiring and stressful, and I believe that other parents appreciate that honesty, because something so simple as child care is a challenge if you don't have support. Now, I also think that depends widely on the age of your children, but I can say that any parent who is honest can say that at times, parenting can be tiring and stressful, and it's a responsibility that far too many people underestimate. Right, let me say this too Know who you're having kids with, because no one signs up to be a single parent and you don't lay down with your partner with the hope of being a baby mama or a baby daddy, so know who it is you're having kids with.
Speaker 1:
Ok, I just needed to stick that in there real quick and with that I will say I've never seen so many children either that are bored in my life, that are bored in my life Like. I talk to some of my nieces and nephews and godchildren and the common thread is always I'm bored and I've never seen anything like it. Like most often today's children are glued to their phones or their games and they don't enjoy going outside or social interactions. But then they claim to be bored Like, really Like. Have you ever tried taking a cell phone away from a child or restricting their internet time? You would think you absolutely shot your child. Like it's a complete emotional meltdown. But shit, I can say that I've seen that from some adults too. But really, believe it or not? There's actually therapy for social media addiction and that therapy is basically when people use social media to avoid uncomfortable or negative emotions or they rely on it for feelings of validation and self-worth.
Speaker 1:
Now let this be made clear. Let this be made completely clear Parenting is the hardest job in the world and for most first time parents it is a lot harder than you anticipate in and in the dating phase. Talk about children and discipline when you're in the dating phase, because the answers to those questions are important and they can be immediate deal breakers. They can also save a lot of time and a lot of anger for 18 years after you've had a child. Now, the goal for any parent normally for their kids is to have a better life than they had.
Speaker 1:
But the vast majority of us, or of parents today, are urban parents raising suburban children. These kids have more than we ever did, like starting from the gender reveal. Like really, I mean shit. Gender reveals end up being just as big as a baby shower or bigger, and come with gifts and parties and whatnot. So these kids are laced and I think sometimes today's parents put a little too much pressure on themselves to be perfect parents or to have perfect children perfect children. But let me say this parenting has been challenging for everyone since the dawn of time, but everyone figures it out as they go. So to expecting parents or those considering becoming a parent you'll be fine. Don't let the discussion we've had so far discourage you. You'll be absolutely fine.
Speaker 1:
Now it is worth mentioning that today's parents have to deal with things that previous generations could have never imagined right, and in the same sense, I don't think today's parents would have been equipped to deal with the challenges that our foreparents did right. I heard a parent say on social media which is funny, but true, you know. Maybe not so funny for some people, but true, but she said that she learned about the birds and the bees when she was growing up. But she said now she has to teach her children about the birds and the bees, the bees and the bees, the birds and the birds, the birds that want to be birds, the birds that want to be bees. And when I really processed that, I was like shit, like that is a bit much. And I thought about it like that language is a lot, even for the bees. So I thought for parents to have to explain something like that to a child oftentimes that's things that they might not even necessarily understand or agree with that's got to be challenging beyond measure.
Speaker 1:
So parents today have an enormous amount of challenges to face when raising this generation. And to add to that, there's a growing youth mental health crisis, especially following COVID, and parents with young children say that they're worried about their children experiencing anxiety and depression. This is a lot of what I've been hearing in some of my groups with parents lately, and I did a little bit of research and it's been noted that some of the top mental health concerns for children are being bullied, drugs and alcohol, teen pregnancy and the possibility of getting in trouble by the police. So to add to that, the cost of things these days and inflation, it's becoming harder and harder for a parent to create college funds for their children or even have a little for savings in case of emergency. It's crazy, and in this day and age, some parents are even shying away from traditional suggestions or expectations of college education for their children, especially in lieu of social media influencers and trends, many parents today are more concerned with their children's financial independence and career satisfaction.
Speaker 1:
Let me put a pen in there right there, because I want to say and I truly believe this, so hear me when I say this invest in teaching your children the benefits of saving and money management, Because growing up we didn't get those lessons and oftentimes our parents were just trying to make it, you know, keep their head above water. But we need to be teaching our children at a young age the value of a dollar, because trigonometry and calculus that's beneficial if you're going into the sciences, but for the vast majority of us, money management would be a better suited class to prepare for real life, and it would have been a better suited class for us growing up as well, because, regardless of what industry your child ends up in, money is power and, as one of my friends, up in money is power. And, as one of my friends would say, cash is king. And a lot of parents I'm hearing from say that finances are oftentimes some of their biggest challenges.
Speaker 1:
Many people, especially in New York, do not qualify for state assistance and many single parents do not receive child support, and daycare oftentimes becomes an expense that virtually eats up their salary altogether. One of my girlfriends told me that if she's late to pick up her son from daycare, the charge is a dollar a minute. A minute, I'm like are you kidding me? Most parents. After the research I did, I found most parents pay between $24,000 and $32,000 a year for daycare, and these might be some of the lower-end services. These might not be high-end daycares I'm talking about here. Right Like shit. Just in a short amount of time we've touched on challenges of sexuality, mental health, financial stability. Like that's crazy. Parenting is hard. Parenting is hard. However, most parents will tell you that the rewards outweigh the challenges. However, the details can be scary for a new parent and an expecting parent or people considering becoming parents, and it's crazy too, let me say this once your children grow out of the pricey daycare phase, grocery shopping becomes the next big bill. And these boys nowadays are six, six and two hundred pounds, and these young girls are thicker than a snicker by the age of 12. But that's a whole different show. That's a that's a whole different show.
Speaker 1:
Right now, we have to be mindful of the changes in today's time. Right, because our children today are bombarded by an overwhelming amount of information, much of which is fake news or false narratives or filters that lead to children believing that much of what they see online and on social media is factual, from, you know, random challenges to fancy cars, designer clothes, exotic vacations, gaming and now with AI. And this is all before their schoolwork and activities and family or whatever else. So we have to be mindful as well about the things that we're letting pour into our children, because today's society blurs the lines between what is real and what is a facade, and although I'm not a parent myself, I can adopt this for my interactions with my nieces and nephews and godchildren. So let me say we have to take some responsibility in the things that our children experience.
Speaker 1:
Right, because we put a cell phone in their hands to keep them quiet from the age of one. So by the time they're two or three they can work the phones or the tablets just as good, if not better, than we can. They listen to the same music that we do. They watch the same housewives that we do. They eat the same McDonald's that we eat. So we can't be 100 percent surprised that these children are so overwhelmed and anxious and sometimes overweight.
Speaker 1:
Like we got to start to channel some of the lessons from Big Mama, like remember Big Mama, okay. Like, for example, we got to start to teach our children how to cook and notice, I did not say teach little girls how to cook. A man should know how to take care of himself. Just the same, teaching a child how to cook can change the way that they look at food and, if nothing else, can limit the amount of fast food that they take in. And it's small things like that, you know, like the benefits of ironing your clothes or making your bed or cleaning your house you know what I'm saying. Then we teach them what we've picked up along the way, like the benefits of financial freedom and the pros and cons of social media and how to exercise common sense in that area.
Speaker 1:
And I think sometimes we forget to tap back into the things that helped us get to where we are. And I'm going to churchy with you for a minute, because Proverbs 22 and six says that you train a child in the way in which they should go, and when they get old they will not depart. And I truly believe that, because how often did our parents tell us some stuff that seemed completely irrelevant, or made comments that we knew did not apply to us in any way or would not affect us at all, and then to find out when we got older that our parents knew a lot more than we gave them credit for. And although we made a lot of mistakes, the vast majority of us still managed to come back to that foundation and the core of what our parents taught us. So, to parents involved, parents, active parents, guardians, expecting parents, I take my hat off to you, I absolutely take my hat off to you, but I want to tell you this Remember to be kind to yourself and just do the best that you can. You know, leave with love and everything else will fall into place. I truly believe that. Okay, so let's get into some table talk before we exit stage left. Okay, yeah, we on to the next one, we on to the next one. All right, like to hear it. Here you go, and let me say this first sorry, thank you to all of the people that are pouring in with comments and positive feedback.
Speaker 1:
I've heard that these questions are going over very well and I'm really so happy to hear that I really am. I try to give us real life situations at the top of the show and then something to make us smile at the end, because we go through so much shit on a daily basis. We need counsel, we need some form of therapy or clarity or just a stress-free outlet that helps reveal your most authentic self. You know what I'm saying, but we also need something that just makes us laugh and to take our thoughts off of some of life's garbage, even if only for a short period of time. So let's do this Now.
Speaker 1:
This question is for the ladies, and maybe not necessarily funny, but true and conversation worthy. So here we go. Ladies, do you think that your man or husband has become the extra child in the house? It's not frozen. Ladies, do you think that your man or your husband has become the extra child in the house? And I ask this because I can't tell you how many of my girlfriends or my clients I have. That'll be the first to tell you. I have three kids. Two of them I had, but one of them are my husband or I. Don't understand what's wrong with this mother or why I got to tell a grown man to pick up after himself or repeat the same shit over and over again. And then he's mad at me. When I tell him something, he tell me I'm treating him like a child, like I can't tell you how many times I hear that. But oh shit, hold on, ladies. If you sit next to your man right now, don't look at him, because in this moment he hates me for bringing this shit up. Let me tell you that. And if you say anything right now, he hates you too. So don't, don't look at him, don't say nothing. Okay, just talk about that A bunch of girlfriends that have children and see how they feel about the situation. Okay, I just had to throw that out there based on what we were just talking about.
Speaker 1:
So here let's get into some good questions. You go to the bank to withdraw your last $100. When you get to the machine, you realize that the person before you left their card in the machine, this session is still active and they have $10,000 in their account. What do you do Now? Bear in mind, the person just walked out, so you still have time to catch them before it's too late. Just walked out, so you still have time to catch them before it's too late. But you go into the bank to take out your last hundred dollars and you find that the person before you's card is still in the atm, the session is still active and they got ten thousand dollars in the account. What do you do now?
Speaker 1:
I know some of y'all done left the chatter and the neighborhood behind and then just went straight hood Like. I know that I can feel the aura and the energy right through the PC and the audio. I can feel it. But at this stage in your life, be honest, what would you do? Because I can say honestly, if this was 20 years ago or when I was younger. Oh, it's a wrap. It's straight vacation and Gucci it's a wrap. But at this stage in my life I really believe in bad karma. And you do dirt, you get dirt, right. And even if somebody had that amount of money in their account, versus me having $100, you don't know what they got to do with that money or you don't know what it took for them to get that money. So I really think that that's a touchy situation and to each his own. But I can understand some people that's hungry that might be really tempted, right? Okay. So here's the next question.
Speaker 1:
Your spouse comes home and tells you that they are, or they have gotten somebody, pregnant. What do you do? So your spouse comes home and your woman tells you that she's pregnant, or your man comes home and he tells you yo ma, I got such and such pregnant. What do you do? Wait, to add to that, what if you know the person? I know I'm trying it, I know I'm really trying it, but how do you handle that? When your spouse comes home, and for a woman, this is really touchy. When your spouse comes home, and for a woman, this is really touchy. But you know this ends in court TV or on Maury Povich with. You are not the father like five years in. So, fellas, I'm sorry about that, but I know a lot of ladies have had to deal with this too. What do you do when your man comes home and tells you he's got somebody else pregnant? I know I'd be really on one right. So this is my last question, and of course you know I like to save the best for last.
Speaker 1:
Your child comes home from school crying and says that the teacher is picking on them. You find out that your child's teacher is someone you have beef with. What do you do? Yep, nope, this is another instance. It's not frozen. I can feel the energy right through the streaming airwaves. Now, some of y'all done did the same thing. You don't like to chatter in the neighborhood over there. You don't wear your straight hood.
Speaker 1:
But I'm gonna ask you one more time. Your child comes home from school crying and says that the teacher is picking on them. You find out that the teacher is someone you have beef with. How do you handle that at the school, outside the school? No, let me but throw that around and have that conversation with your man or with your husband and see how that goes together, because I'm telling you it's going to be quite entertaining.
Speaker 1:
I ran that with a couple of people and these women was like baby, I'm a rag that. So see how that goes over for you, right, you right, okay, family, that's it for your boy. Today it's been a pleasure, as always, and I hope I have a little surprise for you guys in the next couple of weeks. But we'll see how that story unfolds. But until then, hang in there, family, because you're not alone. We all gotta support each other because we're all in this together. So tell a friend to tell a friend. Go on social media and follow me on facebook, instagram, tiktok at the hood chatter that's at the hood chatter and subscribe on youtube to stay up to date with all of the new episodes. Or you can also go to my website, wwwthehoodchattercom. And remember, don't wait for the storm to pass.
Speaker 2:
Learn to dance, someone to talk to. Need someone to listen, looking for clarity and strategy, reach out to the Turnaround Project. Our life coaches are here to help you on your journey to getting better, doing better and being better. Turnaround Project helping individuals and being better. Tour de Ronde Project helping individuals learn to help themselves.