📢 What happens when we confront the hard truths we often shy away from? On this episode of Hood Chatter, we dissect the unsettling reality of honesty in our lives. Do we genuinely crave transparency, or do we just want to hear what aligns with our expectations? We share stories from unfulfilling jobs and stagnant relationships to explore how embracing uncomfortable truths can lead to genuine growth and self-awareness. It’s time to stop looking for validation and start having real conversations that matter.
💠Are you avoiding tough questions in your relationships and friendships? Let’s talk about why facing these questions head-on is crucial for emotional clarity and personal accountability. From the murky waters of being a side chick or side dude to navigating toxic friendships, we’re getting honest about the dynamics that keep us stuck. Ever talked to yourself in the mirror? It might sound odd, but it’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth. We’ll also touch on social etiquette, like tipping in restaurants, and why knowing your worth and setting boundaries is essential.
😳 What would you do if your sex tape leaked online? We wrap up with a humorous, yet thought-provoking discussion on this hypothetical scandal. Reflecting on what exes might say if interviewed, we blend introspection with a bit of lighthearted banter. And remember, keep smiling and hold your ground no matter what life throws at you. Join this candid and community-driven dialogue that encourages you to share your own stories and questions for future episodes. Let's get real together!
📢 What happens when we confront the hard truths we often shy away from? On this episode of Hood Chatter, we dissect the unsettling reality of honesty in our lives. Do we genuinely crave transparency, or do we just want to hear what aligns with our expectations? We share stories from unfulfilling jobs and stagnant relationships to explore how embracing uncomfortable truths can lead to genuine growth and self-awareness. It’s time to stop looking for validation and start having real conversations that matter.
💠Are you avoiding tough questions in your relationships and friendships? Let’s talk about why facing these questions head-on is crucial for emotional clarity and personal accountability. From the murky waters of being a side chick or side dude to navigating toxic friendships, we’re getting honest about the dynamics that keep us stuck. Ever talked to yourself in the mirror? It might sound odd, but it’s a powerful tool for self-reflection and growth. We’ll also touch on social etiquette, like tipping in restaurants, and why knowing your worth and setting boundaries is essential.
😳 What would you do if your sex tape leaked online? We wrap up with a humorous, yet thought-provoking discussion on this hypothetical scandal. Reflecting on what exes might say if interviewed, we blend introspection with a bit of lighthearted banter. And remember, keep smiling and hold your ground no matter what life throws at you. Join this candid and community-driven dialogue that encourages you to share your own stories and questions for future episodes. Let's get real together!
Hatch kids, hatch wife. Yo you good yo. You are such a liar, I'm a liar.
Speaker 2:
Let's go, let's go.
Speaker 1:
And that's on Pivotal.
Speaker 2:
Hood Chatter.
Speaker 1:
What is going on, family? You already know. It's your host, doc J, and welcome to another episode of Hood Chatter. Okay, hood Chatter is where we talk about things that you think about, but you don't say out loud, so let's jump right in. Somebody hit me up the other day, right, and they asked me how I go about choosing my weekly topics and, believe it or not, not random at all. So during my group coaching sessions, I take the topics that are widely discussed in the session and if they're brought up a lot, then that really lets me know if people are interested in them there, then the subject probably should be discussed. So some of the topics are developed as a result of situations going on in current events or, as you heard previously in other episodes, testimonials from individuals that I believe will really help the culture. So there are a few ways that I go about choosing my topics and I'm open to suggestion. Take that. So if you have a suggestion that you would like me to touch on or a testimonial um that you would like me to touch on, or a testimonial that you would like to share, message me at the Hood Chatter on Facebook, instagram or TikTok, or you can go to my website and send me a message, and that's wwwthehoodchattercom. Okay, all right, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:
This week's topic is do you really want to know? Do you really want to know? Do you really want to know? So we always say that we want people to be honest. Right? Don't bullshit me, don't waste my time. Right, whether it's in a relationship, your friendships or work, you expect everyone to operate in a space of truth and honesty. Or, as it said in the hood, keep it 100 and keep it real. But when it really comes down to it, is that something that we really want? Do we want the answers to the questions in our head or some of the things that keep us up at night pacing the floors? All of those questions do we really want answers to? Because, if we admit it, we hang on the situations that we should have let go long time ago, or we stay in dead-end jobs because we become comfortable being comfortable, and we stay in relationships that we probably should have left and should have only lasted for a season. But if we're honest, we really only want to know people's thoughts and opinions of us if they're positive and if they're in direct line with what we think they should be right, but the lines become blurred and relationships become destroyed when honesty does not pan out the way that you anticipate. All right, let me say that again. The lines become blurred and relationships become destroyed when honesty does not pan out the way that you anticipate. And that's in your relationship, right. Anticipate and that's in your relationship, right.
Speaker 1:
These questions always arise, especially when you're in a place of turmoil in your relationship. Do you still want to be with me? Do you love me? Do you like me? You know. Do you want children? Do you like my family? You know?
Speaker 1:
Questions about whether or not your bedroom is satisfactory, and to even check in to see. Listen, are we both on the same page? And these are really all things that we have thought about at some point or another. Right, and there are some people that are direct, clear cut and they don't have time for the bullshit, so asking the hard questions and receiving honest answers is easier for them. So I'm not talking to y'all, but the vast majority of people think of these questions as a source of conflict or confrontation, and most people attempt to avoid confrontation if possible, because how many times have we invested too much into a relationship because we want the answers to questions that we're too afraid to ask. Right, and this usually happens because, one, you're scared that the answers to difficult questions will end up in a breakup. Two, it could end up in being a long, dragged out argument that you're just not wanting to have. And then the third is you already know the answers to the questions, but many times we find ourselves in these do you want to know situations? And we really already do know the answers to the questions that we're seeking, but we don't want to admit it or we refuse to make decisions until we hear it out loud or receive some kind of concrete validation, which, if you admit, is really scary. So in which case we find ourselves giving up too much of ourselves or dumbing down to accommodate another person or to salvage a relationship.
Speaker 1:
So let me say this Speak to yourself when you're faced with these challenges and ask yourself do I really want to know? And then kind of check yourself Am I being honest? Can I deal with the consequences that come with the answers to whatever those questions are? And I also believe that when you're speaking to yourself in these moments, sometimes it's beneficial for you to speak to yourself in the mirror Right, because looking in the mirror while you're communicating with yourself has a weird way of making you more accountable. It gives you a greater reassurance sometimes of what the next step is going to be, while you're standing there in processing and in your processing mode. And this method can be used in any situation really. So sometimes, like I said, when you find yourself in difficult situations, speak to yourself in the mirror. It helps you get a little bit of clarity, because we hold on to so much negativity and oftentimes because we want to know, but we really don't want to know right Now.
Speaker 1:
Let me say this to my habitual side chicks, side dudes, sneaky links, long-term friends with benefits. Ask yourself how do I keep ending up in these situations? Or why can't we move from where we are to the next level? Why won't he wife me, or is she ever going to leave her husband? Are we ever going to get serious or get married? Because there really might be a reason that he won't wife you or she's comfortable being friends with benefits. There might be a clear-cut reason why your relationship won't go past superficial. So do you really want to know? Could you handle the answer at that? Because there is always an answer right Sidebar. I said this before People treat you how you treat yourself.
Speaker 1:
Real talk now. That's relationships. Think about the intimate questions that govern our, govern our romantic relationships, because you can't get back wasted time. Okay, do you really want to know? Do you really want to know?
Speaker 1:
Now, let's think about our honest friendships. Stop right now and think about that friend. And you know that friend I'm talking about the one that makes you question your relationship with them all the time, but you, for some reason, just can't seem to let go of that toxic person. You know who I'm talking about, like you already know. Now, this is also a double-edged sword, right? Because you want to know what your friends and associates think about you. Oh shit, do you really want to know what they think about you and do they really want to know what you think about them? But bear in mind, these things might not necessarily be negative, but oftentimes things that you might not want to hear, because it presents you to yourself and it oftentimes happens in a way that's unknown to you and can sometimes be hurtful to hear. Like, let's be real, right, because everyone has been down this road and I never want to be that person. But you know those friends, the ones you can't go out to eat with ever.
Speaker 1:
Like, let me tell you something If we're out eating and you act any kind of ratchet and I do mean any kind of ratchet I'm done. I'm done. Any kind of ratchet, I'm done, I'm done. If you start scrutinizing the bill or counting pennies, I'm done, my Lord. If you don't give a tip, I'm done. And let me put a pin in it there. We spend money on dumb shit.
Speaker 1:
So explain to me how you could go out to eat, allow someone to serve you, expect good and timely, friendly service, but then don't want to give a tip. If that's the case, don't go out to eat, because that is absolutely a disgrace. People in the restaurant industry make their living off the tips. The nerve of you, like I can't tell you how much that pisses me off. The nerve of you. Like I can't tell you how much that pisses me off, like really, for instance, let me give you for instance, real quick.
Speaker 1:
I know everybody saw that video online about that girl at the restaurant and then the bill came and she asked the waitress what is gratuity? Because I didn't order that. My god, my god, I thought I was going to die. Like, seriously, die like have you never been out before? Now old girl is sitting there hair done, nails done, everything did, but you never heard of gratuity like this is a prime example of people you don't want to go out with or at least I wouldn't. But if you didn't hear it, you know I got the audio, so listen for yourself and then we'll pause so you can process the stupidity.
Speaker 2:
All right. Who the fuck is Gratity and why is it $44? Who is Gratity and why is it $44? It's the tip, the tip. Y'all done put that shit on her.
Speaker 1:
That's crazy, right, crazy, right. Like come on, and I didn't even touch on the fact that she said the word gratuity, wrong. Well, shit, I guess I just did. But if you have a chance, go online and watch the video. If you would have seen the waitress's face like I would have almost double died. Like double died. I'm not even playing. Also, if you are the person who asked for separate checks, don't come out with me like absolutely eliminated.
Speaker 1:
Now let me also say this, because there's a flip side to that, right. You know, when you go out and everyone orders reasonable shit, and then there's that one person that orders everything, or 10 drinks, and then wants everybody to split the bill equally, like come on, have some cool, don't try to get over just because you know you're around people that can help pay the bill. Like stop, stop, stop. But you know what? Common sense is not always common and if you don't have it, you can't bag, borrow or steal it. Let me say that again Common sense is not always common and if you don't have it, you can't bag, borrow or steal it. Now, who wants to really be that person? When you think about going to eat, you know right off the bat. There's just some people that you do not invite under any circumstances, like real talk. That's why some of us don't go places that we're invited until we find out who's coming. You know what I'm saying, because if you say the wrong name, count me out. I'm not coming, like I'm not leaving my house knowing that I'm going to be pissed off at the end of the night. I'm just not doing it. Then there's the drunk friend you know, the one that you might have to babysit, or the friend that when shit is good it's real good, but when shit is bad it's real bad. You know that friend I'm talking about and you gotta think carefully about whether or not you want to go out with them, especially if they are the drunk friend that can potentially be the fighter, dead, it Like, who really has time for that. I'm grown and people work hard. They got all kinds of shit going on all week, every day with their family, their finances of shit going on all week, every day with their family, their finances, their personal situations, like when you find time to relax and enjoy yourself in a social setting, the last thing you want is for it to be ruined, especially by somebody you know or that you came with. That's like ridiculous. So who wants to be labeled as that person? Right, come on, let's keep it going.
Speaker 1:
Then are you the friend that always wants something? My God, I mean the person where every time your name pops up on the caller ID, the person's like okay, when they see it, they got to make a quick decision on whether or not they even want to answer the phone. Like, come on, are you that friend that's always gossiping and everything is negative. And what was me like? Do you know the person I'm talking about? When you say it's sunny outside, then their first response is something stupid like well, I wish sometime the sun would shine on me. You know, are you telling a good, positive story and somehow it turns around to their dark and doom situation? Um, who wants that?
Speaker 1:
Or then, is the person that never grows up like. How many people don't know that person? That is still just as simple now as they were 10 years ago or even in high school. If you have friendships that lasted that long, people that have no change, have made no change, no growth, no, nothing. And let me say this it is a conscious decision and hard work to decide that, in a world that is constantly changing, that you have really dug your feet in the sand and said this is it for me, like, certified it for you.
Speaker 1:
Now back to the friend that always wants something. Now, it's one thing to help somebody in need, but it's a whole different thing for you to become somebody's second income or their immediate in case of emergency. You know what I'm saying. There's a big difference and I can't tell you. I like I really can't tell you how many people have called me over the years, shit, over the months, and asked me for crazy stuff Like I don't have any food in my house, or I need to feed my kids, or I'm behind on my rent, or you know, I'm trying to make something move and I'll get right back to you. Like I told somebody who asked me for money no one time, because I was just sick of this shit, right, and their response was if you don't want to give it to me, just say that, but don't tell me you don't have it.
Speaker 2:
Like what did you just say?
Speaker 1:
Exactly Like. That's where we absolutely draw the line, and I noticed that I had become a second income and no, did it like? No love loss but no more money exchanged either. Then there are those people who you constantly pour into, you, constantly give advice to, you, always show up to all of their functions to support them and make yourself readily available in their time of need. But when you need somebody to talk to or a shoulder to lean on, shit, if you fall into hard times and need a borrow, you look up and realize there are only a few people, if anybody, I can rely on. Like really and I know everybody wants to do the right thing and the most of us will help people if we can.
Speaker 1:
But admit it, being a caregiver and a caretaker and somebody who's a saving grace, it all feels good and it sounds good and it feels noble. But when you're in your time of need it feels terrible and you sometimes recount some of the times you should have probably said no or walked away and you get pissed off at what you might now consider as weakness. But let me say this being a good, decent human being is never a weakness. Okay, being a good, decent human being is never a weakness and I would just never want to be that friend, right? And the crazy shit is most of the people that I'm referring to have no idea that they're that person. Well, you know what? Maybe they do and they just don't care. But I would. I would never want the first thing that somebody thinks about me to be negative, right, perfect example. Like I love, love, love Lauryn Hill and Anita Baker. I've seen both of them, but there are so many memes about them that are now literally the definition for the culture of what being late looks like and being a no show. Like who wants that to be the first thing that somebody thinks about you? That's crazy. And for the most of us, we think of ourselves in a positive light, right, we shine a light on ourselves and we tend to highlight our greatest attributes and push the things that we don't want to deal with to the side.
Speaker 1:
And it's not until you're confronted with the answers to some of the touchy questions within some of your relationships are you able to see some of your shortcomings. Now let me say this Watch out who you listen to or who you take advice from, because some advice from people is pot and kettle, and you know what I'm talking about. They give you advice but they don't apply the same advice to their life. You might not want money management advice from someone who's broke, or relationship advice from someone who's not sound or at least has not had or have a healthy relationship. So be careful who you allow to pour into you and what you allow yourself to digest, because some shit is just toxic and people's bad advice can put you in a worse situation. So do you want to know the thoughts of your partner the things that they think, but they don't want to know the thoughts of your partner the things that they think but they don't want to say? Do you want your friend's opinion of you? Like, could you really imagine that if we allowed the people in our lives to rate us from one to ten, I know like crazy.
Speaker 1:
Then it's your job. You know that co-worker that gets paid for doing absolutely nothing but acts like they're the hardest working person in show business, like the co-worker that complains about everybody and everything, when in actuality they do the least amount of work and they find the most of the stuff that they do. You know the coworker that as soon as you hear their voice or you find out. You have to communicate with them. You think to yourself you know what, if you want something done, you might as well just do it yourself. Like that is horrible for your coworkers to think of you like that, and it also means that there's always a chance that you're close to being fired. Normally, you know, that's in regular corporate jobs and I can't lie. I have worked at some jobs where it seems like the less people do, the more they get rewarded, which is an absolute slap in the face to the other employees. But that's a whole nother story, right, a whole nother show.
Speaker 1:
Now, it's one thing when you get your review or your evaluation, like from your boss or hr or whatever. But what if you ask your co-workers what they thought about you as a colleague? Like, are you that person that is always the topic of conversation? Do you not pull as much weight as you thought? Or do people at work now even want to work with you? Do you really want to know? Do you really want to know? Now, I know some people will say oh, I don't give up what people say about me, and you know what they eat, don't make me shit, or do they pay my bills, kind of thing and that's great, right In the right context. But most of us do care what people think about us, especially when it comes to our romantic relationships or friendships and our work relationships. So I ask you do you really want to know If you're in a real relationship or have real, authentic friendships? These people are going to offer you this information and show you to yourself whenever, because that's the way a true friendship or a relationship should be. Now check this out.
Speaker 1:
One of my girlfriends said to me one day Doc, you think you slick, I'm like what she said. You have a way of saying some shady shit to somebody and then they think it's a compliment and it's not until days later that they realize. Oh shit, he was trying to play me. I was floored and of course I was like girl, you crazy, right. But then when I started to look back at some of the things that I said to people over the years, I could kind of understand how that could be construed or misconstrued as shady the years. I could kind of understand how that could be construed or misconstrued as shady, right, okay.
Speaker 1:
But since then I try to make a conscious effort to check myself and ask myself before I say something like is this necessary? And like what is to be gained from this? Because I never realized that. But people you have in your life are looking at you from the outside in and they're sometimes able to see things about you that you don't necessarily see for yourself. So I had to start checking myself and let me pass that advice on Check yourself in every relationship and ask yourself am I adding to this relationship or, you know, can I be better and am I being selfish? You know, really check yourself, because it'll make it easier for you to be able to ask those hard questions and you'll be more equipped to deal with the responses, because you have a more realistic idea of how you operate in those scenarios. And then you're confident that you're giving the best that you have Right. So All right, family, let's get into these weeks questions. And then you're confident that you're giving the best that you have right. So all right, family, let's get into these weeks questions, right? We all do the next one. We on to the next one. This is how we're going to do it for the close.
Speaker 1:
You and your significant other finish having sex. While you're washing up in the bathroom, you hear them masturbating. What do you do? I'll rewind that you and your significant other just finished having sex. You go to the bathroom to wash up and then you hear them masturbating. What do you do Now? Me personally, that means that you haven't done your job, and if that's the case, you need to get yourself together, batter up and get back out there and get back in the ring, because something went terribly wrong and you need to figure that out. I don't know what you think about that, but I would definitely say there's a certified problem. I would definitely say there's a certified problem. Okay, so let's get to the next one.
Speaker 1:
Your sex tape was just leaked online. Come on, stop. You know, I got to give you the good ones. Your sex tape was just leaked online. What's the first thing you're doing after you find out your sex tape was just leaked online? What's the first thing you're doing after you find out your sex tape was just leaked online? What's the first thing you're doing After you find out? Bitch, I am ducking under the table and hoping that the ground opens up and just straight sucks me up in it and I just absolutely disappear. Like I know, some people say Good press is press, bad press press no, no, no. Press, press, press, stop, stop, stop the presses. If a sex tape came out, I was straight hot under the table, like that's just absolutely crazy for me. So toy that around, chew that around and see how that works for you. So toy that around, chew that around and see how that works for you. Ok, last question before we take it out If I interviewed your exes, what would they say about you?
Speaker 1:
Now, really think about that one. I'm going to bring that back again. If I interviewed your exes, what would they say about you? I'm not even going to give you that response because I don't want to think that hard. All right, family, that's it for me this week. You know, I had a ball with you guys and we're going to do this again next week. All right, I love you and remember, keep a smile on your face. You deserve it. Don't let nobody knock you off your pedestal. See you next week.
Speaker 2:
We'll come on a talk to. You need someone to listen, looking for clarity and strategy. Reach out to the Turnaround Project. Our life coaches are here to help you on your journey to getting better, doing better and being better. Tardem Run Project helping individuals learn to help themselves.