How many times have you felt the weight of a toxic relationship, unfulfilling job, or harmful habit dragging you down? On this week's episode of "Hood Chatter," we share a heartfelt apology for our recent hiatus and dive into the powerful theme of "Enough is Enough." Inspired by stories like J-Lo's "Enough" and Angela Bassett as Tina Turner, we explore the courage it takes to set boundaries and walk away from what no longer serves us. Katrina's testimonial will inspire you to recognize your worth and embrace the journey of personal growth and self-preservation.
Navigating the complexities of leaving a toxic relationship, especially with children involved, is no easy feat. We discuss the importance of building a strong support system, seeking legal action if necessary, and keeping your exit plans confidential. We talk about the crucial steps toward independence, such as finding a job or returning to school, all while underscoring the necessity of personal counseling to process trauma. Setting boundaries and learning to say no is an essential part of self-care and prioritization. This chapter is all about empowering you to create a life free from pain and filled with possibilities.
Relationship dynamics can be tricky, and we tackle some thought-provoking questions in this episode. Is it acceptable for partners to look at others while on vacation? Do the words "I love you" need to be said aloud in a committed relationship, or should actions speak for themselves? We also delve into the complexities of sexual rejection and the insecurities it can breed. Through empathy and communication, we explore how to navigate these challenging situations. Before we wrap up, we express our immense gratitude for your support and remind you that resources like the Turnaround Project are here to help you achieve your dreams. Tune in for a compelling and heartfelt conversation that promises to resonate deeply.
How many times have you felt the weight of a toxic relationship, unfulfilling job, or harmful habit dragging you down? On this week's episode of "Hood Chatter," we share a heartfelt apology for our recent hiatus and dive into the powerful theme of "Enough is Enough." Inspired by stories like J-Lo's "Enough" and Angela Bassett as Tina Turner, we explore the courage it takes to set boundaries and walk away from what no longer serves us. Katrina's testimonial will inspire you to recognize your worth and embrace the journey of personal growth and self-preservation.
Navigating the complexities of leaving a toxic relationship, especially with children involved, is no easy feat. We discuss the importance of building a strong support system, seeking legal action if necessary, and keeping your exit plans confidential. We talk about the crucial steps toward independence, such as finding a job or returning to school, all while underscoring the necessity of personal counseling to process trauma. Setting boundaries and learning to say no is an essential part of self-care and prioritization. This chapter is all about empowering you to create a life free from pain and filled with possibilities.
Relationship dynamics can be tricky, and we tackle some thought-provoking questions in this episode. Is it acceptable for partners to look at others while on vacation? Do the words "I love you" need to be said aloud in a committed relationship, or should actions speak for themselves? We also delve into the complexities of sexual rejection and the insecurities it can breed. Through empathy and communication, we explore how to navigate these challenging situations. Before we wrap up, we express our immense gratitude for your support and remind you that resources like the Turnaround Project are here to help you achieve your dreams. Tune in for a compelling and heartfelt conversation that promises to resonate deeply.
Hodge kids, hodge wife. Yo you good, yo you are such a liar, liar it's live, let's go, and that's on Pivotal.
Speaker 1:
Good job. What's going on family? I am so sorry for the delay. This past two weeks has really really been difficult for my family and I. We have really been experiencing a series of family emergencies and health scares and we're really not completely out of the woods. So I'm asking everybody to keep me and my family in prayer as we go through some really trying times right now. My family in prayer as we go through some really trying times right now. But, with that being said, welcome to another episode of Hood Chatter. Everybody, we're back here again. I'm not going to let you down.
Speaker 1:
This is the show where we give straight facts, friendly advice, culture, truth and sarcasm. So let's get into it. The pools are open, everybody. The rooftops are open, the day parties full swing, food, festivals on the rise, concerts, popping it looks like summer is finally here. Family, it's finally here to stay.
Speaker 1:
But for all of us out there, all of this nice weather does not mean that the sun is just shining on everyone, right? So my question to you is are you tired of being tired? Of being tired, you know what I mean Like you take two steps forward and five steps back when you feel like you're doing everything you can, but nothing is going right. Don't feel bad, because you're definitely not alone. And today's episode is entitled Enough is Enough. That's really what it is. Enough is enough. And today we're talking about letting go. Whether that be a relationship or a job, a habit, a friend, a fear, complacency, whatever that thing is, today it's all about letting go and release from whatever is keeping you from being your most authentic self, because when we find ourselves in situations where our back is up against the wall, our automatic response is fight or flight. But what happens when you have no more fight left in you, when everything is just a constant fight? At what point is enough really enough? Now I want you to think back on J-Lo and her iconic role in the movie Enough, with Billy Campbell or Angela Bassett portraying Tina Turner. Right, those are all situations of physical abuse. However, the premise is really still the same and for these women, no matter what people told them or how much pain they were in or how much sense change made, they weren't able to escape their captors until they put their foot down and said enough is enough Now.
Speaker 1:
I said in previous shows that goodbyes and knowing when to leave is always hard. However, sometimes it's really necessary and in situations where you're not appreciated, respected and you're being taken advantage of, you have to remember that you're worth more than you're getting Now. I know that's easier said than done, especially in a marriage when there's kids involved, but if you're not good to you, you can't be good to anyone else, and you have to think about the example then that you want to set for your children or face the fear that comes with divorce or separation. But we all have to know when to put our foot down and say enough is enough, in whatever situation it is that we're going through. Okay, so that touches on the physical portion of enough is enough Flip side.
Speaker 1:
Are you that person that everyone calls for everything? You know what I mean. Like I need help moving, I need help painting. Can you take me somewhere? Can I borrow something Exactly Like are you that friend?
Speaker 1:
Because doing good and being a good friend and a good person is great, but sometimes, as a good person and a good friend, we also have to learn when enough is enough. And that means we're learning when to say no, because how often do we find ourselves at work and notice that you're doing most of the work and others are getting paid to do nothing. Why? Because sometimes being good at your job is not necessarily a good thing, and sometimes helping people can turn into them taking advantage of you. You do something good or help someone one time and then they keep asking you for things and you keep accepting until you find that you're overwhelmed or overworked and underpaid, underappreciated, and then you have no one to turn to that cares or can help. So, for that person, learning when to say no is also a form of self-care, because spreading yourself too thin or trying to be everything to everybody is a recipe for burnout. And sometimes saying no is you making a conscious decision to put yourself first, regardless of how it makes someone else feel. Now let me say that again Sometimes you saying no is you making a conscious decision to put yourself first, regardless of how it makes someone else feel. And let me say this If someone is truly in your corner and supportive, they will understand that when you're saying no, it's not an attack, but you're taking care of yourself for a change. It's not an attack, but you're taking care of yourself for a change. And sometimes we spend entirely too much time trying to please other people when, in fact, we should invest that time into working on ourselves. Right. Enough is enough, so let's do it.
Speaker 1:
I'm back with another testimonial from an unbelievable woman named Katrina, and I wanted to share Katrina's story because I there are so many women out there who have or are dealing with the same situation. Now, of course, the testimonial is definitely something that men can experience or have experienced, but oftentimes this affects ladies and, for the most part, fellas. Keep your ears tuned in, because this might shed some light on some of the pain and the heartache that you might have or will inflict. And let me just stick this in there before we get into it, because I think it's really important Don't let your past define you, process it, make peace with whatever it is and then let it go, because, if not, you're stunting your own growth. And when you let that thing go, don't store it away and go back to pick it up when challenges come and familiar situations arrive. Have a funeral for your pain and suffering and then lay it to rest, because there is more to you than your past and you're bigger and better than what you've been through. Let's hear Katrina's story.
Speaker 2:
Okay, so I have two kids with my baby daddy I hate that word, I really do, but I guess that is what he is and I'm his third baby mother. I know, don't judge me please, but we've been together one and all for about 10 years and we have a five and a six-year-old. And shit was good when we was dating. But after I had our first kid he wouldn't let like he did and I'm not going to lie. I did deal with him cheating in the past and getting phone calls from bird heads, but I thought only that was in the past. But recently things have gotten really bad and I know some of it is because I let him get away with shit for so long and I'm saying I'm leaving doesn't even faze him anymore and I kind of think that he believes that I can't make it without him and, truth be told, I stayed way longer than I should have. But I also didn't want to be a single mother. But with all this shit I go through and he does in the street, I basically already am a single mother. I mean, he does throw money my way, right, but he definitely is not a hands-on parent and I'm left with most of the responsibility. And now me and him are back to the constant lying and the phone going off crazy hours, the verbal abuse, and I heard that he's messing with some girl and she might be pregnant. So I confronted him about it and of course you know he said oh, they lying, people hating on him. And of course he accused my friends first. Oh, they never liked me. But of course I've been with him long enough to know what he's lying and, to be honest with you, the math just ain't massive and my parents they older, so I didn't want to go home and bombard them with this nonsense. But at this rate I think that might be the best bet until I can get on my feet, because I have a decent job and a little bit saved up, but not enough to comfortably move into my own place and have the means to take care of my children.
Speaker 2:
Like I just never imagined that my life would be like this. I just never imagined that my life would be like this and I really don't know when shit went wrong. Maybe I do, and I probably should have left after the first time he cheated, or after the first time some chick called my phone, or the first time he didn't come home at night, or the first time he started calling me out of my name, or when the argument started hitting below the belt, like I'm a big girl, I am and I'm woman enough to take some responsibility in a situation that I'm in. But I'm truly at the breaking point and I can't do this anymore. But I'm confused about how I should make my exit, like, do I pack up and leave and then when he comes back, like me and the kids are gone, or should I sit down and tell him? But I guess some of that is because I really don't want to launch or run out argument and even though he's not equipped to take care of the kids, I really don't know what he might try if he really believes that I'm leaving. So I don't want to seem spiteful either, but I'm also not entertaining the idea of anybody taking my children, maybe. So if you could help me shed some light on what I'm going through, I would really appreciate it, because I do have girlfriends, but I don't feel like this is something that I could talk to them about, because it's always going to come with some kind of shit-or-could-or-would-or bullshit and I don't feel like this is something that I could talk to them about, because it's always going to come with some kind of shit or coulda, woulda, bullshit, and I don't need to hear that right now. I need to figure out how to safely and swiftly get out of this.
Speaker 2:
You know, and I always saw women. I always see women with multiple kids in a grocery store, at the bus stop and I would always think, damn, how does she do it? And look, I'm that woman now and it breaks my heart because I'm not a bad-looking girl at all and I have a bachelor's degree in business, but I haven't put the amount of effort into myself as I did babysit in this relationship. I mean, I got something to blame more than I thought, because just hearing this out loud does make shit sound a lot worse on my part. So I don't know. But, doc, really I appreciate anything you could offer and I'll let you know how the situation unfolds.
Speaker 2:
But can I just say this, like to any of the women that are listening out here the life of a baby mother, a single mother, is hard and nobody can say different. But I believe that we are strong and resilient and we can survive the trauma that we've been through. So keep your head up ladies, real talk. But I really I just can't take this anymore and I'm not getting any younger and this psychotic shit is starting to rub off on my children and I don't want them to think that this is how you act or how you treat a woman.
Speaker 2:
And I know I've said it a thousand times before, but this time is different. I really don't care what I have to do. I know I need to leave and I know it's going to be hard work, but shit, I'm worth it. And if not, my kids definitely are, because they didn't ask for this and I'm not. I'm not staying to haunt them and I'm not staying to haunt myself, I guess. Really, I don't know if I'm even looking for advice or if I really just needed to get this out, but I can definitely tell you that I feel a little better. Thank you for listening. I really appreciate it and any advice you can give too.
Speaker 1:
Wow, wow, didn't I'all? That was something, and and I know there are a lot of people right here that can resonate with this, and that's why I said, fellas, keep your ears tuned to this, because some of you might have or are in this situation right now, so this definitely might benefit you as well. Don't tune out to this. So, katrina, first I want to say thank you for your story, thank you for being honest and vulnerable, because I can imagine how difficult it must have been not only to share your story but to woman up and take some responsibility for some of the stuff that you have taken place in your relationship. Now I will say this If you believe that leaving can potentially turn into a violent situation, then you need some kind of reinforcement, some kind of backup, and it might be beneficial for you to take some kind of legal action. I don't know the specifics of your situation, but you might want to take some kind of legal action if that's necessary A restraining order or an order of protection or something to safeguard yourself for the safety of you and your children. Now let me say this In no way am I condoning violence right, because if you think that this is just going to be ignorance that does not require police presence. Then phone a friend, phone a cousin, rally a whole group of people to show up at your house and help you make your exit. Okay, because he can't pop off on everybody, right? That's first. But you have to create a support system and I know that when you have children, leaving can always be a challenge because you don't want to hurt your children, or things can get ugly, become a custody situation, but in the same sense they can be remnants of good times and the love still lingers and, of course, the shame. And some of us stay too long in toxic situations because we don't want anyone else to know that the grass isn't as green as it appears to be and some people turn to drugs and alcohol. So I commend you for knowing that it's time for you to make your exit.
Speaker 1:
Okay, but let me say this you might benefit from seeking counseling, because you would be surprised how much trauma stays with you, knowingly and unknowingly, and can present itself at inopportune times or cause you to make poor decisions. So it's always helpful to have someone to help you process your pain and you deserve to be happy, okay, so let me stick that in there. Second, I encourage you do not share this information with anyone that is close to him. If you think that leaving is going to be a potential problem and I don't really care how good a relationship you have with that person, if it's someone that is directly connected to him don't discuss your plans of exit or your thoughts of leaving, because that really can just add unnecessary fuel to the fire. So you know what you need to do, but remember, if you don't take the steps to make life better for you and your children now, what makes you unhappy today can make you angry down the line and can manifest itself in ways that can be harmful to you or to someone else. So I hope this helps you and all of us in some way, because if leaving a toxic relationship is something that you're considering, take steps to make that happen, and if you're not independent, you might need to get a job or go back to school to start that process, and this can be something that is very empowering and can can help you in your time of need.
Speaker 1:
Don't be ashamed, because you're not alone. You're really not alone and you deserve to be happy, katrina and I say this not just to Katrina, but to all ladies and all people that are going through this situation right now. You really deserve to be happy, and anybody man or woman, whether it's work or relationship or anything if you're in a situation where you need to put your foot down and say enough is enough, don't be ashamed, because you're not alone and you deserve to be happy. You deserve love that does not hurt. You deserve words that don't tear you down. You deserve a life of possibilities and not pain, really.
Speaker 1:
So let me ask you this and now I'm talking to everybody Do you believe in you? Do you believe that you can do it on your own, that you can make it in whatever situation, that you can stay disciplined and think big, and that you can surround yourself around like-minded people, people in your field? Can you set goals and then show up for yourself and, most importantly, then put in the work, because nothing comes to those who sit and complain or those who make plans with no follow-through. So, family, I hope you were able to take something away from that, because enough is sitting in your own shit, so to speak. Whether it's procrastination, negative self-talk, overeating, etc. Anything that is making your life unmanageable or preventing you from being productive.
Speaker 1:
Put your foot down, take your power back and say enough is enough. You have to make a conscious decision to work on you, and the same thing applies to your work situation or your relationship. Enough is enough presents itself in the form of knowing when to say no, setting boundaries so people know what type of behavior you will not tolerate. Being helpful is one thing, but doing other people's work is not helpful, and it's being taken advantage of, especially if they're not reciprocating. When you need assistance, you need assistance Now.
Speaker 1:
While this might sound confrontational sometimes, the only way to put a toxic relationship to bed is to confront the individual Now. Speak calmly and intentionally, because things are not going to change if you don't take the steps to do so Now. Bear in mind that there are some people that are completely unaware of their behavior, and then there are others that just really don't care, and that's a wonderful thing if someone is reaching out and seeking your knowledge and your expertise in a specific area, but that does not mean that you're obligated to say yes all the time and you're rejecting the assignment, not the person. So don't feel bad when you have to say no in a work situation, because you're not saying that you're unwilling to assist ever, but you don't always have to be available every time somebody needs something, because sometimes your no might require an explanation, depending on the circumstance, right or the individual, but you're not obligated to tell someone while you're unavailable. Sometimes saying no is going to be hard. I'm not going to lie, because we don't want to be left out or passed over, but remember that when you say no, sometimes you're committing to something that is more valuable and that's you Now. This can be prioritizing your work, your time or just yourself, and this sometimes might feel like you're letting someone down or missing the mark. But sometimes this is necessary to take back some of the control you have given away, and in most cases people won't resent you for it, but if they do, you already know. Okay, all right, y'all, we beat that in the head. Enough is enough. Okay, if you don't take anything away, enough is enough. Know when to put your foot down and take your power back and invest in you, because you're worth it and you deserve it. Okay, we on to the next one. It's phase three.
Speaker 1:
Let's get into some questions. First one it's summertime. Summertime, when you're on vacation, you at the beach with your spouse do they get a pass to look at other people. Now let me explain, ladies, when you're on the beach with your man, you know he's looking at the fatties already and the bbls walk by and the two pieces you know. So does he get a pass? Because you know, normally if you were at home that would be a certified problem. But does he get a pass when you're on vacation at the beach? Does it require sunglasses and fellas? The same question applies to you Because don't get it twisted your girl is looking at the swim trunks when they come out the water. So does she get a pass? Because, truth be told, your girl sees both sides of the fence way before you do, and nine times out of ten she's already watching to see if you're looking. Okay, now dudes. Dudes will say no homo or pause, but they're not blind. A dude can see if another dude has a nice body or swag, or know for a fact if he's someone that his girl would be looking at. So a dude is doing the same thing. When he sees a nice looking guy, he look over at his shorty to see what she looking at and see how she's reacting to it. So, on both sides of the fence, when you and your spouse are on vacation, do you get a pass to? You know, not flirt, but have the wands are in us so you could stand. Spend that extra. You know three to five seconds with the extra. Look okay.
Speaker 1:
Second question when you're in a relationship, is telling your partner I love you important or should it be readily assumed? When you're in a committed relationship, is saying I love you necessary or is it something that should be readily assumed? Now, for me, when you're in a serious relationship, it should definitely be visible, without saying, by your actions and some of the little things you do. You know, but I don't know about you. I need to hear it Like. It makes me feel good and wanted and appreciated and it lets me know that we're both on the same page and to me it's a verbal sign of your desire to stay together. Now, some people don't like to say it and other people have never heard it before or have never been told that before, so they really can't muster up the words or can't identify what love is for them, so they don't have the capacity to articulate those words with meaning behind them, right? So see how that plays out for you. Is saying I love you and your relationship really important? Or, you know, if we're in a committed relationship and we're together, is that just kind of is what it is, it's readily assumed. So last question Now, fellas, this happens to you all the time, so you can tune in on this question.
Speaker 1:
So I'm going to pose this to the women and you can sit there and look at her in her face like she crazy. So, ladies, you're in the mood and you come on to your man and you ready for playtime, and he says that he's not in the mood. Look at your face, ladies. You look at your man and you in the mood, you ready to get it in, and he says he's not in the mood. What do you say? Now? That's what I said, fellas. That happens to you all the time. So look her right in the face. Real talk, ladies. How would you feel if you turned to your man and you wanted to get it in and he told you he wasn't in the mood?
Speaker 1:
Now I'm an adult, so I'm mature enough to factor in whether or not you had a hard day or he doesn't feel well, or he didn't sleep much last night, right, but for the most part, it is very unlikely for a man to turn down sex, especially spontaneous sex, right one time might not be an issue, but a pattern would definitely be concerning, not just because of cheating thoughts starting to run through your mind.
Speaker 1:
But then you go into question whether or not there's something wrong with you or whether or not he's still attracted to you. Right, and for me it's a surefire way to feel unwanted and undesirable. But again, I say, there are certain circumstances where you can kind of be granted a pass, right. Okay, family, that's it for me. Again, I want to thank you for your support and your patience and I just ask that you continue to keep me and my family in prayer and, as always, I do the same for you and until next time, remember, as long as you have life you still have time to make your dreams for clarity and strategy reach out to the Turnaround Project.
Speaker 3:
Our life coaches are here to help you on your journey to getting better, doing better and being better. Turnaround Project Helping individuals learn to help themselves.