Carrie and Jessica discuss some common myths surrounding parenting. In a candid and heartfelt discussion, they take on topics such as the idea of spoiling a baby, handling sibling rivalry, the misconception that parenting gets easier as children grow older, and the importance of self-care for parents. Through their own experiences and insights, Carrie and Jessica challenge these myths and provide a fresh perspective on the realities of parenting.
Tune in as they debunk these misconceptions and share their wisdom, reminding us that true parenting is a journey filled with learning, growth, and shared experiences.
Takeaways
Responding to a baby's needs fosters a secure attachment.
Self-care for parents is essential.
Parenting doesn't get easier as kids grow up.
Timestamps 00:00 Parent must be in tune with baby. 05:17 Parent stopped driving due to unsafe behavior. 08:20 Parenting is challenging and requires patience. 12:34 Parenting becomes easier, yet more complex. 14:32 Parental happiness vital for children's well-being. 16:29 Communication and planning essential for balancing priorities.
Carrie and Jessica discuss some common myths surrounding parenting. In a candid and heartfelt discussion, they take on topics such as the idea of spoiling a baby, handling sibling rivalry, the misconception that parenting gets easier as children grow older, and the importance of self-care for parents. Through their own experiences and insights, Carrie and Jessica challenge these myths and provide a fresh perspective on the realities of parenting.
Tune in as they debunk these misconceptions and share their wisdom, reminding us that true parenting is a journey filled with learning, growth, and shared experiences.
Takeaways
Responding to a baby's needs fosters a secure attachment.
Self-care for parents is essential.
Parenting doesn't get easier as kids grow up.
Timestamps 00:00 Parent must be in tune with baby. 05:17 Parent stopped driving due to unsafe behavior. 08:20 Parenting is challenging and requires patience. 12:34 Parenting becomes easier, yet more complex. 14:32 Parental happiness vital for children's well-being. 16:29 Communication and planning essential for balancing priorities.
Welcome to Parent Coaches Unleashed with Carrie and Jessica, where no topics are taboo or off limits. Join us as we let loose and discuss the real raw feelings about parenting. In each episode, we will bring you heartfelt discussions, real life stories, and special guests that will both entertain you and encourage community. So no one feels alone in their parenting journey. Thanks so much for listening. Now let's start the show. Hi, everybody. Thanks for being with us today. This is Jessica. I'm here with Carrie. And today, if you've been watching and following along on our social media, you've seen some hot topics that we've been discussing. Today, we're going to delve a little deeper into some myths surrounding parenting. Carrie, you wanna start us off? I sure can. So the first myth that we wanna talk about, Jessica and I go back and forth on this one, but we've heard it a lot, is you can spoil a baby. Right? So, you know, your grandma, your aunt, your grand aunt. Right? For me, it was my mom. Okay. Or your mom is, you know, don't spoil the baby. Like, stop holding the baby. Don't pick up the baby. The baby needs to learn to cry. Right? Because you could spoil your baby. Well, how is that even possible? Right? You just birthed this baby, and the baby needs you. It needs you for survival. And the way to connect with your baby is through love and attention and picking up the baby. So can you spoil a baby? I believe the truth to that myth is absolutely not. When your baby cries, they are expressing a need that needs to be met, Whatever it is, whether they're hungry, whether they're whether they just need to know that you're there, whatever it is, you cannot spoil a baby. And they're so know what their what their needs are? As their parent, that's what you have to be in tune and try to figure out. They might just need to be held. They might be hungry. They might need their diaper changed. As you're taking the time and getting to know your baby, you're going to know what their needs are because you're going to develop a sense of what they need as their caregiver. So do what you wanna do, parents. You wanna pick up your baby, pick up your baby. You wanna let the baby cry, you know, let the baby cry, but you cannot spoil your baby. Right? This saint the bottom line. They need you. Yes. They need you. So moving on to another myth. Let's talk about sibling rivalry. So you and I both have more than one child, and we have siblings ourselves. Yes. So this myth is sibling rivalry is harmful, and it should be eliminated entirely. Like, something's bad if siblings are not getting along or having conflict. So tell me how else or what better natural way is there to learn about conflict resolution than after fighting with your sibling. Right. Our first models of behavior and social interaction come from our parents as babies, come from our parents or our siblings. Right. So this is how they learn to get along with others. And getting along with others, right, isn't involves conflict Right. And fighting and not always agreeing. So it's just part of it. Part of having more than one child is them working through disagreements. Right? We've had the, you know, pulling the toys from one another. We've had the disagreement about, you know, which movie should we watch. You know? You you know there's not gonna be an agreement right away that they wanna watch the same thing. How about the fights over who gets to sit where in the car? I have to say example here. My I have 2 boys. When they were little, there was always fighting in the car. And early on, I took a parenting class myself, my husband and I, and one of the best pieces of advice I got to handle the fighting in the back seat as I'm driving is to not say a word as they're going at it. Simply pull off into a safe place. So find like a parking lot somewhere where I could pull over and just put the car into park and sit there quietly. And the 2 of them, it would be like, mom, what do you what are you doing? Where are you going? What's going on? So was it done as a distraction for them, or was it done just for them to work it out? So at the beginning, it was done so that it could stop in the moment what was happening because for me as the parent, it was becoming, you know, anxiety provoking and unsafe for me to be driving with that happening. So once I pulled into the parking spot, put part you know, put the car in park, and they were like, what's happening? Then I would calmly say because right your initial reaction is you wanna yell in the back seat. Right? Stop it. Give your brother the thing, whatever it is, but, no, stay calm. I put to the car in a park, and I just said, guys, it's really unsafe for me to be driving with the 2 of you going at it. So you know what? Have at it. I'm just gonna sit here and wait. And when you're done, I'll drive home. So I love what you just said because what you are demonstrating with that model is not letting your feelings become heightened because of their fighting. You kept in that model that you demonstrated, your feelings were regulated. You were able to stay in control of how you felt. I think so many times, parents get so triggered by their kids fighting that they're not able to calmly see a response. They go in. They're ready to take a side. They're like, Johnny, you always start with him. Stop it already. And and the truth of the matter is, as a parent, we need to approach the situation as if this is the first time they're fighting, and we've never seen anything like it before, and you wanna hear both sides and listen to both of them. But I love that model that you just shared. Yeah. The only thing I I question there is what if you're not in a position where you can pull over to a safe place? Like, what if you're on the highway? You're driving down 95 or wherever it is. You're not in a position to get over and pull off so quickly. Right. Well, I think it's to be able to stay calm and not engage because, believe me, that was not my initial reaction to do that. My initial reaction was to start reaching in the back as I'm looking forward and you know? Or making a suggestion, you know, about what was happening and inserting myself in their conflict. Right. I mean or scream it. Right? Or stop. You know, like, I you know, or getting louder than they were. But that never worked. That never worked because then it just became me engaging with them in that conflict when the end result is I'm trying to have them work it out themselves. And but at the same time, I you know, you have to stay safe in the car. Right. Well, so let me ask you this because I feel like this leads to another big myth that's out there that sibling rivalry or fighting is an indicator of bad bad or failed parenting. What do you say to that? Well, I've definitely felt like a failure as a parent along the way as things were unraveling and as they felt out of my control, but I have to remind myself as a parent that you don't always have all the answers or know what to do. And if you can remind yourself that this might not be a situation that I, as the mom, like, have to fix. Right? I need to give the time and the space for them to be able to work it out. But, yes, I mean, definitely, you know, when you're at a public place and siblings and other kids are fighting or arguing or pulling each other or pinching or throwing things at each you know? Like Right. Would you you do wanna look at the parent, like, what the hell is going on? Right. What are you doing? Well, then we get into the whole judgment surrounding it again. Right. But I admire the moms or the parents who are remaining calm, right, and kinda letting that happen and not, you know, just picking name them up and grabbing them and ripping them out of the situation in place because they're so embarrassed because then the kids learn that if I need to get mom's attention, I'm going to start up with my sister or brother Right. In the public place. So for me, though, as a parent, like, that was always a hard place to be. Right? Something would happen. It would be out of control. The kids would be misbehaving, and it was in a public place. So you have the extra pressure of everyone else looking at you. But it's almost like you wanna be like, you know what? Hopefully, they're parents too, and they'll just carry on with what they're doing, and I can just stay stay calm. But getting back to it, it's not it's not a parent failure. Right. That's what I wanted to say. It's it's a part of parenting. It's not a parenting failure. Right. And it doesn't mean also, like, if your kids are always so well behaved in the public setting, it doesn't mean that that's a successful parent that they did something different or better than the other. It's just, you know, that And here's the other part to that. Just because, you know, I know so many of us feel judged in a situation like that. Here's the other part to that. As the observer, when you see that happening, you don't know what transpired 10 minutes before. You don't know if the kids are overstimulated, if they're hungry, if they're tired. You don't know what set them off. So I guess I would just say, give yourself grace. And when you see a parent going through it, give them the grace too. No judgment. It's not a failure. It's a parenting moment. Alright. So another myth here is we're, you know, moving on to young kids, older kids, but here's one. Parenting gets easier as children get older. Oh, gosh. You know? Oh, got it. No. And, you know, that phrase, which we've talked about before, which I I think both of us together really, really dislike this statement. Little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems. You know, if when you're little, right, I think you said before one time that a family member said to you, oh, you you just wait. Right. My daughter had just given up napping, and my cousin had said that very statement to me, just wait because her kids, let's say, I don't know, they were in middle school at the time and going through some social anxieties. But but for me, in that moment, my child giving up their nap was a big problem for me because I had my my older 2 are only 16 months apart. So when my older one stopped napping, it was that was my time to get things done when both of them were napping at the same time. And now it's trying to rearrange and figure out how my day is going to look now that my daughter started stopped napping. Right. I think whatever stage that you're at, it's a big problem. Right? It doesn't matter if they're 2, if they're 22. Like, that's the stage you're at, and that's the stage you know. Right. So it is a big problem. And there are so things become easier as they get older such as, like, like the organizational part, like getting out of the house on time becomes a little easier, and having help from your kids might get easier, but the problems become more complex. As I mentioned before, like social issues come up, or when your teens start driving or looking for colleges, the issues change. It's not that one is bigger than the other. Right. They become more complex as they get older and what requires so much Right. More of you. Right. And, also, they're becoming more independent. Yes. And so just the independence and breaking away from the parent child relationship that you've known up until that point changes, and that adds another level of complexity to parenting. In no way does parenting get easier as your kids get older. No. It is the job that we have for the rest of our lives, and I don't know when we first signed up for it, or decided we wanted to have children or heard the words, you know, you're pregnant. Right? That that this was going to be forever. It was going to be forever. But yes. Anyway alright. So moving on to parents and maybe talking about some self care about parents and another myth. Right? When we have a baby, when we have a child, especially if you're a stay at home parent, right, you feel like you, you know, that's your role, and you should be there and put your child first before yourself. Right? Or moving from, you know, an independent person with no children to having them, you know, that becomes your priority. So you must always put your child first. What do you think about that? Myth? Truth? How are you feeling, Jess? Listen. The truth of the matter is, as parents, I think we're always thinking about our kids and what they need, and we tend to put them first. But the truth of the matter is our children are so much happier and better off when we as parents are happy and in a good headspace. And whether it's, especially as a new mom, whether it's taking, like, 20 minutes to to take a walk by yourself or whatever it is, the more care that you give yourself, the more you'll be ready to tackle and take on all the trials and tribulations of parenting. And that was a tough one for me. I was a stay at home mom. I was fortunate enough and privileged enough to be able to make a conscious decision to be a stay at home mom, but I struggled. I struggled with, well, can I really get a manicure? I mean, I I'm not bringing any money into the house, but that was something that was important for my self care. Can I really just sit down and read a book? I mean, what about laundry? What about dinner? I mean, what about all the other stuff? But the truth is when I did something for myself and when I do something for myself, I feel so much better, and it becomes so much easier to tackle all the other tasks that parenting is. Alright. So what about the working parent? Right? So they're going to work to support the family. Right? They have limited time with their children outside of the work. Let's just assume whether they're going outside the house to work or they're working, you know, now at home Sure. But they're, you know, they're not with their children all the time. So there's time after the working hours where they can be with their children. But what happens about going to the gym or having a date night with your spouse? Right? So So I think this is where communication and planning with your partner come into play. You need to figure out where in your schedule you're going to carve out the time for yourself. Yes. There are the demands of parenting. There are the demands of work, but you can't get lost in that shuffle. It's making a conscious effort to take the time for yourself. Even if you say to your partner, I'm getting up early tomorrow. Can you just get to the morning routine? Whatever it is, plan it. If you plan it into your schedule, you know it's there. What about single moms Yep. Or single dads? Yep. No. It's a full time role. Wrong with paying. Paying a babysitter, findings finding a family member to help out so that you could also have your own time Right. And take care of yourself. One of the things my husband always says, like, when when people ask for advice, one of his biggest parenting pieces of advice is when somebody offers to watch your kids, let them. Say yes. Yes. Say yes. It doesn't yes. Take the pressure off of yourself. Let someone watch your kids as long as you feel that they're a safe person, and it doesn't have to be all night. It could be 30 minutes. Can you stay here with them for 30 minutes? Can you watch them for 30 minutes? I just wanna take a walk by myself, and you will feel so much better for that. But what do we do with the guilt? The guilt that comes with making that choice to care for ourself. Right? I think what you do with the guilt is realize that what you're doing for yourself is also being better for your child because taking that time to recharge, taking that time, whatever it is that you're doing, I feel, and, again, my opinion, but I feel like it makes you a better parent. There are some of our top myths that we gave you our opinions on. What about you? Let us know. Drop us a line. Let us know what myths you've heard or the ones that are important to you. We'd love to hear from you. So reach out on Instagram, on email. Get in touch with us. We'd love to hear from you. Thanks. We'll see you at our next episode. Thank you for listening to this episode of parent coaches unleashed with Carrie and Jessica. Together, we can raise the next generation of independent, capable, and compassionate young adults. We encourage you to send us an email with questions and feedback to info at parent coaches unleashed.com. Please remember you are not alone on this parenting journey.