In this episode, Patty meets with the amazing Liz to find out why she became an RN, adventures working thru the COVID pandemic, dealing with stress, poop, missing dentures, ICU escape attempts, and side gigs. We love Liz!!
In this episode, Patty meets with the amazing Liz to find out why she became an RN, adventures working thru the COVID pandemic, dealing with stress, poop, missing dentures, ICU escape attempts, and side gigs. We love Liz!!
Hi, I'm Patti and welcome to the nurse show. Before we get started, I just want to point out that this show is meant for nurses and other health care people because some of the things we talk about may come across as insensitive or inappropriate and sometimes downright disgusting. So if you're not a nurse, it's not really meant for you. We will be sharing stories here, but our biggest priority is protecting patient privacy, so we are a hundred percent HIPAA compliant. So you will not be able to recognize any of the patients in the stories. That said, let's get on with the show. hi! Hi! This is Liz. No, I'm not Liz. I'm Patty. I'm Liz. And I'm here with Liz. See? This is getting right off the bat. We got it going. We are both ICU nurses working night shift. Yes, we are. And you are recovering from an injury. I am. So I had ACL and meniscus repair surgery about five months ago, going on six. So you haven't worked. Mm mm. All this time. I have not worked. And it feels weird. But kind of nice. But kind of nice. Does it make you think that maybe you should have taken a desk job? Uh, um, prior to my injury or now? You got either. Um, I don't know. I'm not much of a desk job. So you're looking forward to getting back to bedside. Very much so. Yes. Yeah. As crazy as that might sound. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I, you know, I, I got injured about at the beginning of the year, right when your New Year resolutions start and you're like, I'm going to go to bed. Get this going and work out and do things great and, and then I slipped getting out of my car after leaving the gym and I just couldn't walk after that. So after getting the MRI and everything, it, it, it, it was concluded that I did have a total ACL tear and a meniscus tear. Wow. So both. Yeah. Unfortunately. Wow. So painful. Very. Okay. Very painful. Very. And debilitating. Extremely debilitating, especially for, you know, people, or for me. I'm, I'm an act, I'm a, I'm an active person. I like to hike and move around. I have an eight year old, so. Yeah. You know, that's what you do. You're moving around all the time, and now you can't. Wow. And at work, you can't. are moving around constantly as well. So now you're stuck to your couch. Wow. Yeah. So mentally it was a struggle just because you're always used to serving. You're always serving people. You're always serving others. You're always doing for others and Now you're the one to be served. So what does that feel like having others doing things for you? Was that hard? It's embarrassing. It's almost like Embarrassing and it's like guilty. Maybe I felt guilty like not like I'm like no like I can do that But no wait, no, you can't like Yeah. Sit your butt down and just let me serve you. So it's uncomfortable. It is uncomfortable. Does it make you see patients differently? I think so, for sure, because now being on the other side, I feel like I understand them a lot better when they're on the other side and when they're probably not used to being served by other people and now, you know, they're being served. So it's kind of the same thing where like, I'm coming into their life, they don't know me. And then all of a sudden, I'm learning and knowing every single crease of their body, mark of their body. Well, and we see that a lot where people feel uncomfortable with having us do things for them. Yeah, we get that a lot the apologizing and I'm so sorry, you know, especially when they make a mess Yeah, and it's it's it's embarrassing. It's almost like Like a shame. Yeah, I kind of humiliating in a sense and I see it with especially I think Especially older gentlemen, you know, because now you have a female doing their duties or their, um, what, what they have to do to clean themselves when they go to the bathroom and they're used to being strong and independent and powerful. And now we're taking that away from them. Because we're doing it for them, so it's almost very demoralizing or embarrassing, so yeah Yeah, and you can feel that as an empathetic person when you're caring for them Yeah, you can feel you can sense that yeah, cuz they're very embarrassed and they're like gosh You know like why do you have to do why do you have to be in here? You know and I'm like cuz I need to check your heart Yeah, so now it's you now it's me Yeah. And luckily I had a lot of great people to support me through it. So you're a single mom. Mm hmm. Yes. So how has that worked? Um, my parents have helped me a lot. Yeah. My best friend has helped me a lot. Yeah, they've, you know, he had football season at the time. So, um, I was being wheeled out to the field during his practices. And then I later found out that you could drop them off and leave. I didn't know that. I was there. Wheelchair. And um, later on, not football, sorry, basketball, but yeah, I found out later that he could, he could have just stayed there and I didn't have to wait in my freaking wheelchair. You just thought you have to be there. And I'm a helicopter mom, so there's that too. You just, yeah. But yeah, so it's, it's, it takes a village. It really has been, I've been very blessed to have my family, my, both my parents and my best friend too. What made you decide to be a nurse? Have you always been the one who takes care of everybody? Not really, I think, but, uh, I feel like I just, I've always been, I've always had that, like, caring personality, but I think it really came to me, or really interested me when I, when my brother, um, I was born and my younger brother, he was five years younger than I was. So I was a middle child to always trying to seek attention and be unique and awesome and you know, and crazy. And so I think that when my brother was born, well, he had congenital heart disease that led to two heart transplants and eventually passed when he turned 20. Being in the health care systems a lot and kind of watching from an outsider, you trust the doctors, you trust the nurses, you trust the medical team. And my parents, being second language learners, or English as their second language, they trusted everything the doctor said. You know, everything was in the doctor's hands. So, whatever they want, whatever they chose to do, my parents went with it. And they didn't really sometimes understand what was going on. going on because medical world and terminology is, is a totally different language. So I started to kind of live in the hospital because I couldn't go in the ICU. I would spend a lot of my time at the cafeteria just kind of hanging out with the coffee dude in the coffee cart. That's where my addiction started. Then I just kind of would always see him with the chest tubes and The machines and the pumps and I was always just intrigued by like, wanting to know like, what is all this? I would ask the um, plasmapheresis lady, like, what is this? What is this for? Why are you doing this? So just living in that. Like, I just later on in life, I realized I'm like, I really want to be or help somebody on the other side. You know, like the way they understand the way that they helped. Yeah, that they helped my brother. So it really impacted me and I just wanted to be able to make a difference and just especially with families. Mm hmm. That was my big thing, like, with families, because a lot of the families don't have extra resources, or don't, didn't have, like, the transportation, or didn't, like, they have You know, that they have to attend to, and you're in a hospital all the time having to balance life and your sick child and your marriage and your other children. So you felt like there was a gap that needed to be filled, like another person in that kind of situation to help. Yeah, like I just felt like, Nursing, I, yes, it's, it's, of course, it's the patient always first, you know, but I think that it's also very comforting when you have a nurse that just offers you a glass of water or tea. Mm hmm. When they walk, when, when the, when the patient family walks in. Or a blanket. Or a pillow. Anything. Because we don't know what their journey was before they got into the room. Mm hmm. Um, I wanted to be there for people. Not only my patient, but like the family as well. So. So the psychosocial aspect of nursing. Yeah. You were never attracted to doctors? The idea of being a doctor? Not really. It was the helping part of the connection. But then you ended up in ICU. Yeah. So the medical knowledge there. But I love it. You know, it's, it's, it's, it's a challenge. And I think that it's, it's really cool. Like I, I love ICU. I love understanding. What happens you know because in that sense you can if you understand it you could explain it to Anybody you could explain it to the families in a way. I understand in a way they can understand They understand it and that you know, you find analogies you find like how to compare a body part to a car Mm hmm, and they're like, oh, yeah, it makes sense Like right or a or a twit like or a toilet like and I've done it so many times where they're like, wait Oh my gosh, what's the toilet? Oh, like, like if your pump fails, like your heart fails, it's going to over flood. Oh, it's going to overload. And then other things are going to happen and it's going to get backed up, backed up. So where is it going to go? It's going to make a mess everywhere, you know, so it's your pump. Like you have a faulty pump. It won't flow. You have an obstruction, like it's going to have to go somewhere and it's going to create havoc. Well, and that's so much simpler to understand. Yeah. Yeah. I think. I mean, everybody has a toilet and everybody probably has had a flood. So, it makes sense. Like, I don't know. I just think, I think of these things and I'm like, Oh, it makes sense. Kind of. Well, it makes sense also coming from, A bilingual household that you're used to doing translations. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I didn't think of it like that. And that's kind of what the job is. Right. Because you're taking this complicated medical jargon and explaining it in a way that people can relate to. Yeah. And attaching it to their own experiences and things that they do already understand. Yeah. Yeah. Which makes more sense. Yeah. So it does feel like an important role. Yeah. My initial plan was to be a marriage, marriage and family therapist. That was my first degree. It was in human services, and I wanted to go into social work, but I can't, I, the whole working with children It just, I have a soft spot for that, so I just, I can't, it would, it would emotionally hurt me a lot. Yeah. So, because I would get it too attached. Yeah, so instead you chose to work with dying people. I don't, I don't know, I don't know if it makes sense, but it's like, I have an eight year old, so I'm like, oh my gosh, like, how could you do that? Do this too, because it's too close to home. Yes, and I think that the dying process or the process of life is it's our bodies. It's our bodies, right? Like, so things are going to happen in life that could cause some type of sickness. But when somebody is inflicting harm on somebody that is harmless, like a child, it makes me Not want to like a person or people at um, like a children's hospital. Mm hmm You would see kids faces destroyed by bulldogs or you know, or things like negligence where it's too much It's just something that I just chose not to so I don't know but yeah I don't know how that makes sense with like now I can do dying people. But yeah, I think Though, people, different people have different tolerances for difficult things. I mean, I don't know if I would do hospice. I think I would be okay with hospice. Yeah, but not pediatric. But not pediatric. Yeah, but it's still the process, right? But it's just a little, it's a little baby or a little kid. Yeah, and I thought I always wanted to do pediatrics, which is funny. I thought like, oh, yeah, pediatrics. Work with kids. Yeah. Nope. Nope. I'll go play in the playground with them. Nope. Don't want to be sticking needles. Yeah, no. Yeah. Yeah. So here we are three years since the pandemic. Since it started. So it's officially over. Did you ever think that you would be working a pandemic when you signed up to be a nurse? Hell no. You're kidding me. You signed up for the meal. No. No. So what does it feel like looking back on the whole experience now? I think that we, that we all need a hat that says nursing during COVID like, like a, like a, like a warning bumper sticker, student driver, like, you know how the veterans, like I fought Vietnam, blah, you know, and like, I feel like nursing or you mean here. So hero, like a, like a, not a, no, not a hero, but just like, like, I don't know. Cause it, it, it connects people. In a way where it's like, I was there, like I was there in the trenches when you were there in the trenches and it just kind of connects people even with just like a, like a knowing. Yeah. Like, oh boy, like, yeah, me too. Me too. Yeah. Um, no, I never thought that. I would ever be working through a pandemic. Um, it was a very interesting and crazy time, I think, for all of us, and it, and I think it made our, our ICU family a little bit closer. How do you think the reality compares with the, what people were seeing on the news? I believe that the media was, um, creating a sense of fear. And people, which I don't know, it just, it kind of stunned and it prevented people from living outside of fear. I did see it myself and I saw the patterns of who this was affecting the most. I know that the media was scaring me more than actually being at the hospital. I felt that way too. It was worse sometimes being at home. I don't know. Yeah. Because you would be thinking about the fear. I had an anxiety attack for the first time in my life because I was watching the news every single day, listening to the numbers and at work not knowing how we were going to do things when we got there. And worrying about losing staff. Yeah. And what would, how bad it could get. Especially with supplies. Mm hmm. We were running short on some supplies. But yeah, I remember when we ran out of IV tubing. We were breaking all the rules. Breaking all the rules. Propofol, who cares? Keep it there for a month. Like, you know, we needed that extra. Yeah, because normally we replace the tubing. Every 24 hours. On the Propofol. Yeah. And on the others, every 12 hours, or every three days. You haven't been there in a while. I haven't been there in a while. But, no, but it's every 12 hours that you change your propofol tubing. And it's like, we weren't doing any, any of that. No, we couldn't. It was wasteful. So, all the things that we'd been taught in school. Out the window. And enforced every day at our jobs. And they had, I remember when they came in and said, I know this sounds like A little crazy, but we're gonna need to ask you guys to just reuse your tubing. It's like, where's Jayco now? Nobody knows. I haven't seen an inspector in quite a long time. Where's the guy with the clipboard and the white coat? Initially I was very scared. I was very scared because we had no answers. We had, we didn't know. Appropriately scared because we didn't know how bad it was going to get and what we'd seen in Italy and New York and those things were real. It was real. But when I would go in, I felt safe. Because we were just doing our jobs. We always do. Yeah. And it sucked. Like it was uncomfortable. Wearing those masks. It was horrible. I'm interested to know, like, and to see like what. oral illnesses we'll probably get later or like even with your jaws because we were we were muzzled really With those things because you couldn't extend your jaw very much. I remember I would get sore throats wearing the masks And thinking, Oh, I'm sure I've got COVID. I'm sure it's COVID. My throat hurts. My throat hurts. And then later realizing it's probably these particles in the mouth. Yeah. It's our own, like, crap that we were inhaling. You're breathing your own mouth bacteria. And then dehydration. Oh, because it was so hot wearing those gowns. It was dehydration, and then we went to the bunny suits, and then you couldn't take your bunny suit off, so you're just harboring, like, all kinds, for girls, you know, you're, you can't pee. Mm hmm. So what's gonna happen? You can't pee, you can't drink water, you're all that heat. And you're sweating. I would go to work sometimes with UTIs because you couldn't pee. You couldn't pee. Because you're in that friggin bunny suit. So you can't drink, You can't drink water, you can't take your mask off. You would have to go to the back room and your little window open to be able to like breathe. Yeah. A breath of fresh air. Really. Like that, like that is crazy. But, you know, your face, you would pad your face after a while, like, to make sure that the mask wasn't breaking your skin down. I'd come out with headaches too. Oh yeah, the headaches. Because I can still feel the band marks on my cheeks from the mask and then not drinking. Mm hmm. And then you come out at the end of the shift, sore throat and a headache, and you're sure that you're dying. You're like, um. And then the fear. Mm hmm. Yeah. Yeah, it was nuts. So what was it like to be working around patients with COVID when they're in the isolation rooms? It was sad. With no visitors. It was very sad. And watching their health decline so quickly. I think this is the first time that I've actually got to think about that because we always have somebody that we can be there with when we're sick, but we remove family from people because it was the safest thing to do. But we would only go in there when we needed to, to limit our exposure. And it was horrible. Because some people, you would see them and they were, their hair was. dirty, and they hadn't showered in a while. They hadn't seen their family. Their throat would get really dry. Those were the ones that weren't intubated, but for the ones that were intubated, oh gosh, we would have to prone them. So what was what was that? It was uh, I mean, I know but yeah you know, it's a team of about six people depending on how how heavy the patient is and With two sheets, we would put one underneath put one over and you wrap them like a little burrito like a little burrito and and then have Respiratory therapy next to you and just make sure that everything goes well Because you don't want them to get extubated because then you're a dead man Right. And they've got IV tubing attached to them. They've got intubation, like a tube. Yeah. Hooked to a ventilator. So it's all these connections. Right. You have the catheter. Urinary catheter. You have the central line, or if they could have their, their A line, and they could have, you know, Multiple drips going on at the same time, and you're coordinating all this with six people. So they've got all these medications as well, the IV medications. Yes. So any of those things comes disconnected while six people are trying to flip this person over. You're screwed. I mean, hopefully it's a quick fix, you know, but Yeah. These are quick acting medications and anything can happen. Yeah. They can be dependent on it and there you go. Yeah. And you can not only rip out the breathing tube. Oh, well. You can rip the, the, the arterial line, or the PICC line, yeah. Or anything. They, yeah. So yeah, you have to be very coordinated. And, and everyone's wearing the gowns or bunny suits and the helmets or the masks. Yeah, and so you have to be loud if you're the one that's counting to tell people when to prone. Mm hmm. So why would you prone them? What was the purpose of that? It was to increase their ventilation. Mm hmm. So when the lung, the positioning of the lungs would drop down or it would fall into the chest cavity, so it would, it would allow better ventilation for the patient. And that was the whole idea to try and get them to oxygenate better. You would try to do an ABG to see if it would help and stuff. But sometimes it helped, sometimes it didn't, you know, and then you would prone them again in the morning or at night. But it's just the whole, the whole going into the room and the beginning of the pandemic, we had the result, like the, the, the testing that would take weeks to get resulted and we had CRRT. So you had the nurse, which is, gowned up, so it's, uh, renal therapy. It's continuous dialysis where you're having to titrate medications according to the schedule. How much fluid you're taking out. Mm hmm. So, the nurse was in the room all the time. Continuously. Continuously. With the patient. With their gown. With the patient. With the machine. Because the machine stops, the treatment stops, your patient's going to go into further renal failure. So you're sitting in there exposed. You're sitting there exposed. Potentially. All the time. And you're having to prone them. So that's why I couldn't pee. Patient couldn't pee, I couldn't pee. We need to put you on dialysis. Seriously. Oh. Um, but yeah, it was just a sad time. I mean, One of the frustrating things I found was the patients prior to intubation, when they were still breathing with just supplemental oxygen or the BiPAP mask, and they would refuse to prone. That was frustrating. And we knew that that was a way that they could oxygenate better, but they would say, I don't like to lie on my stomach, it's uncomfortable. And they, it was so hard to communicate to people how important it was. Yeah. And you're in there with your mask or your helmet and you're trying to communicate while you're looking at your watch, thinking of how many minutes have passed that you're standing in this room exposed to all these particles in the air. Yeah. And then there's that language barrier too, sometimes, you know, where you're trying to mimic on how to prone. And you're in this spacesuit, like, trying to show this person, like, Turn around! Turn around! You know, but you And they don't know why? And they're like, what? I'm like, because I'm like, do you want a tube down your throat? And they're trying to, you know, hand, do hand gestures to have them understand what it is that you're trying to say, but they just wouldn't do it. And then later they would get worse and then things would happen. Yeah. It's. Yeah. And you're in the room thinking, you know, yeah, but you know, I mean, I, I couldn't get mad at them because I knew that they don't know. They just don't know. They don't know. Or they didn't know. Or they didn't care, right? Sometimes people didn't care, right? Yeah. So like, how do you help people that won't help themselves? I mean, I know that sounds really selfish, but, but I think that that's, that's the industry that we're in sometimes, you know, like you, you, you give people medication, you, you give them the tools, you, you let them know, like, this is what's going to happen if you continue this lifestyle, but we're human. People do it anyway, right? Like how many times I mean, aside from COVID, how many times have you seen the same patient come back all the time because they don't listen to the teaching or they want to come back or they want to come back? Like people that want a little dilaudid and, um, Benadryl cocktail, you know, so it's like Yeah, but do you think it's like a recreational thing for them? Like they think they're coming to a resort or do you think they're escaping something? I think that they're escaping something probably they don't want to face. It sucks. Like, we all have something that is, that maybe we don't want to face, like, personally. Like, for me, it was my divorce this time around and finalizing everything with, you know, paperwork and everything. And my injury allowed me to take the time to finish it up. So, here we go. So maybe Silver lining? Yeah, so it's just like, everybody, I feel like everybody has something that we don't like to do or that makes us uncomfortable or, you know, so we try to do other things to try to mimic it or make it better or Or a path of least resistance. Mm hmm. You look for a simpler way to go. Yeah, so I was forced to sit my ass down and Well, good for you. Yay! Yay! Yeah. I wanted to ask you, um, you were talking about how you thought about becoming a counselor and going into the, the psychology. Have you found that the ICU sort of meets those needs? Uh, you know, I'm not a very superstitious person. I'm not at all. When, uh, the full moon thing. Oh! My goodness! I am such a skeptic. And when people used to say that, I would look at them like, Evidence based practice, people! Hello! What? Why are you? And don't say the word, don't say the Q word. Yeah. Oh, it's tonight. It's so I'm sorry It's like shut up, what are you trying to do here? It's like come on anti science, but you're right but it's it's true But it's true like I don't know often we have those nights where everything is insane and You just ask yourself wait, wait Was it a full moon? Is it full moon? Yeah. Yeah. It's crazy. It's, it's, um. It usually is. I mean, I mean, one of the craziest things that I saw once was a diabetic patient crawling with his stumps What? Through the hallway in front of Stumps. Stumps. Because he's amputated? Yes. How many stumps? Two. Legs. Legs. Yes. Okay. So he's crawling. So no legs. No legs. Just arms. He's dragging himself. With just the arms. With just the arms. And his gown. It looked like a scene out of a horror movie. And a trach, mind you. And a trach? And a trach. Wait, connected to a vent? No, it was, uh, it was just a trach. Like a T bar? Yeah, like a T bar. Uh huh. And he's trying to leave. He's trying to leave the unit. He's like, I am done. Wait, so take me back. So you, you walk into his room or you're walking down the hall? No, I was walking down the hall and I turned Coming back, coming back from a break or This is what, on a different floor. I see Okay. Oh, this is on A different floor, but, but this patient decided to get off of his bed. Obviously the bedlam was not on because That thing would have been chirping away, but yeah, patient was crawling, I guess, or like dragging. I don't know what you would call that, but with his trach, trying to get going AMA because he was just done. Against medical advice. Yes. Yes. Against medical advice. And he's just had it with the hospital. With turkey sandwiches. That was it. Where? Yeah, exactly. That's exactly. I'm speechless. I have nothing. So, he was. So what he was mad because he just wanted to leave, you know, but it was one of those patients that was just always constant constantly there, um, for different reasons, most of the time because of a D. K. A. Diabetic ketoacidosis. So his sugar would go up into the 900 or something, but he would come by. He would come back a lot. And then as soon as it was corrected, then he would bounce. Then he's done. He would leave. He would, he would, well not bounce, he would crawl. Sorry. But he would try to escape. So we were, I mean, you would think. So more than once. Yes. And, and so, you know, back to your question. I mean, I think that I got, I'm getting my fair share of. Psych. Psych. Yeah. Or becoming one yourself. Love. Yeah. Oh my gosh.'cause it's, um, it's a lot of therapeutic communication things that you never really thought. You're like, ah, who cares? Like, you're never gonna use that, but like, it's insane. Yeah. It's crazy. It's, it's, you know, it's, it's crazy to see how many people are in the ICU for just that or for just. Like withdrawals, you know, when people are going through withdrawals, like they have to come to the ICU because of a prosthetic strip, just to calm them down because of their heart rate, you know, so. Yeah. So do you think that their medical problems are causing the psych problems or the other way around? Yeah, they go hand in hand. Yeah. They go hand in hand for sure, because if you're an alcoholic, you're going to have some type of psych problem. Yeah. Yeah, they go hand in hand. I think it's yeah, you know, and people with life struggles in general Mm hmm don't really have the brain space to take care of themselves. It seems no I mean you see that with a lot of patients are very heavy patients. Mm hmm the ones that you have to You know, have the, what is it, the, the belts on the roof and stuff. The belts on the roof. That sounds like something kinky, but it's not. Um, you know, like the, the, the, the, you have to use the lift. You have to use the lift. Yes. In order for you to turn them and things like that. Like, sometimes it's, it's crazy to think like, okay, like, how is this person taking care of someone at home? Because sometimes they are. Yeah. And then you'll find maggots on their legs, or you'll find rice. Rice. In between. I found rice one time. I thought it was maggots. I was so relieved it was really just a plate of Chinese food and caught down somebody's pants. I thought, oh, dodged that one. I thought it was going to be a maggot experience. Why do we do what we do? Are people listening to this? What are you talking about? Maggots? Yeah. Like, you know, I don't think I realized until I was a nurse, just how far on the fringes a lot of people are living. Yeah. During COVID, because again, people were afraid of COVID. I had this dude, um, not come in because he was afraid of COVID. We had a lot of those. But then he was over 300 pounds and had gas can green. Had what? Gas can green. Gangrene, like, eating up the right side of his leg, which then went up through his testicles, up to his right side, up to his, like, to his, like, upper chest. So it ate So it spread. It spread because it's a, it's gas, so it's gonna go up, and he first thought it was like, oh, it's just a dark spot, no worries, I'll put some cream on it, you know, but then it eventually started eating his whole Ugh. Side, yeah, so it's like, and he's married with, you know, kids and stuff, and it's like But he just wanted to wish it away. Mm hmm. Which, understandable. I mean, yeah. But at some point you have to get these things addressed and then they come in. Goes back to that shame thing we were talking about. Like, I don't know. I got it. That you actually have to include other people in your problem now. I think it's a pretty common human. Yeah. You don't want to bother anybody. And you don't want anyone to see you like this and look. So you just want it to go away. Yeah. And I think we see a lot of that thing where people wait too long. And then you have the wives coming in, like, with their husbands, like, Beg them! You know, because it's like, He won't go to the doctor! I told him! I told him he needed to Yeah. Not to be completely sexist. But But But it's like, I told him, you know, to go to the doctor and he won't, but they come in with a full on heart attack. I think that's so typical, though. It is. When you have something wrong, you just want it to go away. Yeah. You don't want to go to the hospital and once you get there have everyone tell you why didn't you come sooner? You're an idiot. Why did you not take care of this? You know, and some people just can't you know, like some people are caregivers Yeah, because or they can't afford it right because it's expensive. Yeah, a lot of people god that I had insurance Because yeah Yeah, well you you realize that that's I think that's how a lot of people become homeless is everyone's maybe one or two medical emergencies away from being on the streets. You get a hospital bill for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Do you ever think about that when you're taking care of patients? How much we're charging them for all the things we're doing? I do. And it's just like, how, how do people pay for this? I don't know. And how, how do they navigate the system when they're sick? That's a stressful situation. Because Very stressful. I can't do it when I'm not sick. Right. When you get a bill and you think, wasn't the insurance supposed, even when you have insurance, wasn't this supposed to be covered? How much is my deductible? How, why do I have, why are they still sending me this bill? Yeah, because a lot of people, you know, you, you, you never realize. How much it's actually going to be. And then when you get the bill, you're like, damn, I should have just not, but then, and then you understand why people don't come in because if it's happened to you once, you're going to know, right? Yeah. You know, it's hard. You kind of just, when you're there, you just. Treat them with the best care that you can, and hopefully they don't come back, you know? You say that like, it sounds rude, but I really don't want to see you here again, because you don't, because you know how much it is, and how stressful financially and everything can be. How often do you think that is? Patients take that to heart and change their lives and change their habits and behaviors after they've left the hospital. I wish that some did. Yeah, that it, they, it's a wake up call. Like sinks in, you know, maybe like the, like the younger patients, like some of the psych patients, like some of the, the patients that are withdrawing from stuff. Like I remember one of my patients, like she didn't have a shirt to go home with. So after my shift, I went to Target, got her a blue shirt cause she, that was her favorite color. And so I was like, look, I came back, I got you a shirt so you can go home with, but don't go back to that crazy boyfriend. Because you don't need to, because you got a shirt now. Because you have a shirt now. You wear it. That's so nice. No, but it's, it's things like that, like where you're like, let's do something different. Do something different. And to show people that you really care about them. And you talk to their dads that are, or parents who are far away. You Mm hmm. And like, they're in rehab, and they leave rehab, they end up in the hospital. But you wonder, like, what is her life? Like, what, what led her to this point? Like, why, like, why? Right. And in her psychosis, she is hallucinating her boyfriend. And I'm like, girl, like, he obviously is beating you up. He's obviously giving you drugs. Here's a blue shirt. Go home and just Start over. Yes. Yeah. And then, you know, you get rehab involved and all that stuff, but But you wonder with people who don't have an adequate support system, you know? Yeah. And that's when social work comes in and they, they try to intervene. Yeah. But there's only so much that we can do. Once they leave the hospital Yeah, exactly. Then they're done. You can only do your part as far as how much you can pour into them. And it can be exhausting sometimes, especially if you've had that patient for multiple days. Mm hmm. And you feel that you build a connection with them, but then hopefully you don't see him again, or you don't see him dead. So how do you deal with the stress? Do you ever feel burned out? I think after COVID, I did feel burnt out, but I don't think we have enough time to feel burnt out. That's why I, in order for me to, Stay focused and stay well. I only do two or three shifts at a time and then break it up because I know that my compassion fatigue is real and I will not be able to be myself if you're always just there and you're just kind of going through the motions. You give off the patients, your energy. So if you're just kind of there, like, if you don't have it to give, I don't have it, then they're just going to feel crappy. And they can pick that up. They know if you feel crappy. They're gonna feel crappy. I'm just like, oh, this nurse sucks. I'll fire you or whatever. But yeah, so I just try to keep it to three days. So three twelve hour. Yeah, three twelve hour days. But night shift. Night shift. Just that. Just that. Just that. Three 12 hour night shifts and hopefully they sleep because if not you're gonna have to talk to them all night, which is fine, but man You need to be awake for your day shift nurse Yeah, sometimes though the night shift it allows you that time Yeah. When they don't sleep. Right. And I think some nurses, and sometimes me, I'm not saying it's not me, you find that a burden. Mm hmm. Because you're trying to meet the needs of, you know, your administrative tasks and your other patients. But it's nice sometimes. It is. Because you can give them that time. Yeah, and especially like with the heart patients, the open heart patients, a lot of the, a lot of them can't sleep at night because they're just worried. So, or they're in pain, or something. So you're there, and you're sitting with them, and you're just talking. And, you know. Morning comes and you know their whole life story and now you build a connection with them and you're like, man, like, this is cool, you know, like, this is awesome. Like, I know your family. Oh, she's going to come in right now. Like, Oh, hey, how's it going? You know, whatever. But I don't know. It's just, I think that that's where like the social or like the psych comes in a lot to where, you know, That's why I feel like if you're not a people person, then don't come into nursing. But what's interesting is I've also been told if you're not a science person, don't go into nursing. Well, that too. And if you're not physically strong, don't go into nursing. If you're not resilient, don't go into nursing. I don't know. So it's a lot. It's a lot. Yeah, it is. Because you're going to have to talk to people. You don't have to, I guess, if you go into the OR. That's what's interesting, I think, about nursing, too, though, is there's so many different specialties that you can choose something that fits you. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you can go into IT if you want. You don't have to necessarily be a people person. You just have to pass the NCLEX. You just have to get into nursing school. And pass your NCLEX. And pass your test, yeah. And then you can do whatever you want. I guess bedside, maybe. Yeah, bedside. For sure. Do you think you'll always do bedside? I don't know. I like teaching. Yeah. Yeah. I like teaching and, uh, maybe when I'm older, I'll, I'll, I'm going to have to probably go into teaching or something different because my knees already busted my back hurts. Like I'm a hot mess already. So it's like, I can't imagine having to do this forever. It's strenuous. But for now, yes, for now, for now, but bedside. So either way, it's still within the working with people. Yeah. Not the it. I like people. People are cool. Even the crazy ones. Even the crazy ones. Makes it interesting. So what else, what kinds of things have you seen? Uh, oh gosh. Um, It's so, there's so many. There's so many of them. The poop stories are pretty good. Um, Geez. The poop stories are pretty good. The poop stories. Best one's probably the one with this young gentleman was trying to I guess he said he was trying, he said he was trying to get to the call light, but obviously he didn't. He tried, he tried. So he's supposed to call you for help. Right. And not get out of bed on his own. Yes. He's supposed to call you. Call the nurse. Uh huh. His nurse. I was not the nurse. You weren't? He wasn't your patient. He was not my patient. But anyway. You were moseying past the door. I was like, oh gosh, I cannot ignore that blob of No. Yeah, no. I walked in to poop on the walls. Poop all over and I'm talking about liquid poop on the rails the patient looked like a puppy who had just like rolled around mud covered everything everywhere I'm like how how like how I didn't even know where to start so somebody walked in and they're like And he's just head to toe, just covered in my head to toe covered. And I'm worried'cause it's six 30, of course it's six 30, you've got a half an hour. And I'm like, crap, I need to clean it up. I don't know where the nurse is. I don't have got time. Like I gotta do accu checks, you know, like need to check people sugar, give them insulin, get'em out to the chair, like, and this, this is happen. That needs to do. It's always in that last hour when you're trying to get all the loose ends wrapped up for the day shift. And literally shit happens, like literally. But anyway, we ended up washing them up. So you found someone to help you. I found somebody to help me. Yeah, we had one of those the other day, and fortunately one of the travelers was willing to come and help me clean up, but it was, the woman had those, you know, those mittens, you know, and she was very confused, but she had the mittens on her, they're, um, what do they're like restraint mittens to keep the patient from pulling tubes and disconnecting equipment, so we put these, they look like boxing gloves. They do. Yeah. They're so silly. Which little ladies can wear. Get their nails through. Yeah, I had a woman one time who chewed them off. Yeah. I said, what is that white stuff in your mouth? And I realized she had chewed the entire netting off of the back of the mitten to try to get her hands out. They're not, they're, yeah. Yeah. So I walk in the room and I, and I smelled it immediately, like, oh no, no, no. And then I looked around, I thought, it was dark in the room. I thought, oh, is she bleeding or what's, what are the spots? And I realized, oh my God, it was like the mud. Everywhere. Everywhere. On the mittens, on the bed rails. Why do we do this? What's wrong? I don't know. And then you don't even know where to start. You don't. And then you get those wipes. That doesn't do anything. Those wipes just makes it worse. Like it's just gonna smear it all over the place. You need like a freaking hose and a bucket. You can't drag your patient in because you have to connect them. So all you gotta do, you get the little basin and freaking And the towels. Splash them. You know what I always think is, who has to do that laundry? Oh, that sucks. Like we think that's the nastiest thing is us having to clean the patient the laundry the ball person who has to do that Oh, I have a good one for you. Yeah, speaking of laundry this little man left his dentures No in his pocket in his in his gown pocket. Okay, so Cuz he's Spanish speaking so I guess I can't say because he doesn't have his teeth. So I'm like, okay, si señor, like, what's going on? You know, so I'm, I go in there and he's like, I can't find my teeth. So I'm like, where'd you leave them? You know, again, not my patient. Why do I, why do I, why? You gotta stop walking in the other rooms. So, so they're like, oh, I'm like, okay, look for them, look for them. He's like, you know what? They, I put them in my pocket. And in the gown pocket again, it was 6 30 when people go around and pick up the freaking linen to take it to the To the main linen place. Yeah So like and he's like, you know what? I think they're in the linen cart and i'm like why? Why? So I give a report and I'm like, you know what sir? Let me go figure this out. So I go talk to my friend. So this is end of your shift. End of my shift. You and I go to my, the guy you are a hero. I want a hat, And I go to the linen guy and I'm like, Hey, don't throw those out'cause I need to find some teeth. So just sit there like don't take'em. And then he's like, what? I'm like, just stay put, you know, So I go and I give report seven 30 and I'm like, okay. He's like, you know what, like, I, I took him and I took him to the, to the main laundry. Girl, I went down there. You went to the main laundry? I went, I didn't even know, I was kind of cool. Well, I don't know either, he took me. And so we went, and so he's like, it's those bags right there, because those are the ones, that's the bucket from the, uh, I see you, whatever, west, east, whatever. How many? There was like seven bags. So I went through the fricken seven bags and eventually found his fricken teeth. You found him? I found his teeth. So I went and I'm like, Señor? You better frickin write me a daisy report cuz I deserve this. And so he's like, hi, thank you. It's like, and I washed him and I cleaned him and I gave it to him. But you're good. Why? Like, no, it's just you're very, I just felt bad. Like, yeah, those are expensive, expensive. And then how the heck is he gonna eat? He's gonna pot like he's gonna fail his swallowy vow. Like, That poor guy is going to be on pureed forever. We'll never advance his diet. Never. Yeah, the cell phones, too, end up in the, once it happens to you. Oh, and uh, hearing aids. Oh, they're the worst. Yeah, where you're looking through the sheets. No, but having to dig through those. The linen. And you know that the linen has poop. Always. A little smudge or something, but it's alright. I, you know, it was my last day anyway. My last day for the week. So I was like, alright, whatever. But it's, you know, but that's the thing. Like, I feel like, and I don't do this to like, being like to become noticed or anything you just do it because you do it but i don't think people realize how much crap people go through that you do for your patients and it's just like you don't do it for a pat on the back or to get a daisy award you just do it because we're human and and it needs to be done it needs to be done because then i'm gonna be like oh sorry should i kept them in your mouth like you know like too bad too bad like no you can't well you wanted to make a difference didn't you Good job. Oh my gosh. So, what advice would you give somebody who's thinking about becoming a nurse? I don't know, after hearing that, I don't know if anyone Makes you stronger. Just don't forget why you really did it, why you decided to become a nurse, because there's so many things that can influence you, especially like money and positions and the pat on the back and the extra letters next to your name and stuff. Just remember why you decided to become a nurse, because we all had a reason why. And people or things may want to influence you a different way, but then it's going to take you away from your happiness. Personally, I got influenced by money and wanting things, wanting a house and who doesn't want that, right? But well, it is your job. Yeah, you wouldn't do it for free. No, I wouldn't do it for free. But guess what I'm trying to say is not wanting to just do it for the monetary purposes. of it because, I don't know, my perspective has changed a lot these past few weeks and if I'm doing things out of selfishness, jealousy, or if I have a bad intent, I think, or if you lose sight of, yeah, you're losing sight of why you're there, then you're going to be chasing something that, yes, you might obtain, but, It's still not going to fulfill that emptiness or gap that you've been trying to fill. So you're saying that because you were planning to leave your job to go take a travel assignment. Right. Because we all saw the travel opportunities around us. I mean, they were having Uber Eats and I was getting Top Ramen from, you know. Well, and that was hard working with people we knew were making a lot more money. Yeah. figs versus the nice stuff. But I just want to make sure that I say the line to why I am doing what I'm doing. And although the rewards may not seem tangible, I think that my overall happiness is better where I'm a happier person. If I'm serving others, as opposed to having all this stuff. I mean, will I get it eventually? But you don't feel like you can do both? I can, but I think that I need to have the right mindset, not doing it because, Oh, she's doing it. Or, Oh, because like not being greedy. I can do both. Well, but didn't, didn't you say that you, you were thinking that you wanted to be able to buy a house? Yeah. And I still, I still do. I still want to buy a house. And I'm working towards that, but it's my income only around here. It's like, uh, yeah. All I'm saying is my, my values, like not loving money. I don't think that that's going to make me happy. Do you think people are entering the field of nursing primarily for the money? Some. That's become more publicized lately. I'm like, why? The idea that nurses are making a lot of money. Like, no. I live in my parents house, and I drive a very simple car. Can you make a whole bunch of money? I'm sure you can. Like, go for it. But, Yeah, but it's not free money. It's not. Because, You gotta, I mean, hello, maggots. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And if we're talking about those travel jobs, yeah, they were paid a lot during the pandemic, but they were also taking some of the worst jobs. Yeah. And that same person that I was talking to, he's like, yeah, I realized how much goes into nursing. And then I quit. He's like, I was just doing it for the money. So went all the way through nursing school? Halfway or like half. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of people quit. And I'm like, no, it's not for me. He's like, I don't care. And I don't want to touch that. Like, okay, like, cool. You made the decision before you committed to it. And now somebody isn't suffering because of the lack of empathy or whatever, you know? So a lot of nurses seem to be leaving the profession. A lot of them are burnt out, probably. Yeah, it seems even worse after the pandemic, but people rethinking and pursuing different careers a lot. I've met so many nurses that have a side business. Yeah, that they're hoping will take off so they can get out of nursing. Yeah. I mean, I've, I've always had like a idea, you know, like on the side, but I've always been into fitness and stuff like that. So I've always wanted to do something on the side, especially for moms. So if you had something like that and it took off, would you leave nursing? I don't know. Maybe, maybe. Yeah. I don't know. I really enjoy nursing. I really do. And I love hearts. Yeah, so I don't know that's a tough question though. The nice thing about nursing One of the nice things about nursing is how flexible it is, right? And you could do nursing for part time like part time and then you could work once a month Yeah, yeah, and then you could go back to your thing like to your business. Yeah, but I like that skill I like being in there like like that I guess adrenaline rush when you're having a critical patient and you're trying to bring them back to life a little bit, you know Yeah, so like when you When you have a patient and suddenly their heart stops. In the hallway. Oh gosh. What's that like? It's scary. Do you get scared? Yeah. Yeah. It's just not scared, but just like Excited? Oh crap. Where's my ambu bag? Start compressions. Like, I need people, you know? And you just kind of go at it. Like, you really don't have time to think about anything. Do you feel like you're good under pressure? No, but you do it. Yeah, do you stay calm? I think I do but I don't know cuz inside I'm not calm but you look calm to others. Really? I think so. Well, that's good. But I'm not like in my mind. I'm thinking a lot of things like where's my Epi? But you like the adrenaline. I do. I do. I, I like to, I like it. I like being in there and just being able to bring somebody back to life. That's crazy. So it's, maybe it's more the feeling of being capable to solve the problem. Yeah. And the way it feels afterward. I don't even know if I get a rush. I, I, I really don't like, I feel like some people might have that like high. Well, I noticed that there are some nurses that when there's a code situation, they come running. Mm hmm. And others seem to maybe pull away. I like to help, but I'm not necessarily the person that's like, Oh, you're not the first one to the compressions. No, I would, I like to be there to learn and to see like what's going on and, you know, to help because you do need help with hanging drips and starting stuff. And you never know. Right. But a lot of people can be too many people too. So, yeah, but no, I don't get like a high or anything. No. No, I'm just glad that they didn't die. Yeah. Yeah. So what do you like about doing hearts? That it's like, um, it's a positive experience. Because it's fixable? Because it's fixable. Like, they're not here because they're dying. They probably think they are, though. Yeah. They're walking the next morning. They're doing things. They're going back to life. Mm hmm. And so quickly. And so quickly. And it's so cool. It's just like, they're, you can just imagine, like, they crack their chest open, change their vessels, and then they close it back up, and then, boom. Like, you're fixed! Yeah. And then, yeah, it's not that easy. You have to go to rehab, all that stuff later, but it's really cool because you get to see them like sick and then recover and you get to help with initially, you're that first person that they see after her surgery and you're helping them through the process. I don't know. And then it's, it's sort of like the first day of the rest of their life. Mm hmm. At that point. Right. Yeah. It's kind of an exciting place to be. It is. I mean, and then a lot of it is you really have to be attentive to everything, like the chest tube, so urine, your cardiac output, all the numbers, the index, and all that stuff. And it's just like, what are you doing to try to either fill the tank or empty it? All that balance. And so that part's interesting too. You, uh, I think it's fascinating. Again, the toilet, you know, like is it overfilling or is it, you know, is it, is it draining too much? Like, so you like the science? I love the science part. Kind of a nerd when it comes to that. I wanted to be an astronaut when I was like, fine, you told me that one. But like. That was a short lived goal, but you're a people person. I am a people person. So I wouldn't be able to talk to me being the moon. Well, you'd be stuck in a space station or something with the same people. It's like being home with an injury with your family. You again, but it's been good. It's been really good. So you're getting another surgery on the 9th. Yes. So you've lost your range of motion. I don't have full range of motion. I kind of limp now. Like a cello. So I'm not excited for it, but you know, kind of one of the surgery. Yeah. We'll see how that goes. You've come a long way. Yeah, it's been, it's been good. I mean, like I said, I'm, I'm just thankful that I can walk and drive. Yeah. Get out of the house. Yeah. But. No, that's great. Well, this has been fun. Yeah. Thank you for coming and joining me on my podcast. Thank you for having me. You'll have to come back another time and we'll, we'll see how you're doing with your knee. Yeah, for sure. Well, thanks for having me. All right. And That's it for our show. In the interest of fact checking myself, this took longer than expected to get started. And the show was actually recorded about a year ago and Liz is now back to working and the pandemic actually started four years ago, not three, but no more delays. So look for our next interview here in a few weeks. Thanks for listening.