when dads need to stop and just THINK

In this episode, Blandon and Oscar dive into the questions we ask ourselves as fathers... "am I doing the right thing?" This question comes up any time we are taking time away from our girls, including, taking time to make the podcast. Finding time for introspection is important. They also discuss the importance of a community of strong, mindful, and present men all working to be better fathers.

Transcript

0:00

This is the Daughtered Podcast, where dads come to talk, think, and thrive with your hosts, Oscar and Blandon. Our mission is to cultivate a community of strong, mindful, and present fathers. We want to curate honest conversations with all men, but especially those who have the honor of raising daughters.

Oscar: 0:17

Hey everyone, Oscar here in the Daughter Podcast. Blandon over there on the other side. Good ol Houston, how you doing Blandon?

Blandon: 0:25

Yeah, man, I'm doing okay. I'm actually pretty energetic. So I started today off with with a run with my dog Margo. And ever since then, it's just been a good energy. So I feel good.

Oscar: 0:39

All right, all right. It's showing off. Okay, got it. I did not do that embarrassingly enough. I got no sleep thinking about all the things we're doing in the podcast. And it's all good things. Just, when you start getting inundated, it starts to consume your brain. And it's a good thing. So we're working on a lot of things. Here the daughter podcast. So that's where it's at. So then you go to sleep. Meant to wake up. Did finish my workout. Did not do that. Got to work. And and then now we're here.

Blandon: 1:18

We're here. I'm sorry to hear that, man. I'm sorry to hear

Oscar: 1:21

it's a good thing. It's it's a good problem to have otherwise, we wouldn't wanna be doing this, right?

Blandon: 1:26

I'm just saying, I'm sorry you didn't get good sleep, at

Oscar: 1:29

Yeah, it is crappy. You start to. You start to pay for it throughout the day.

Blandon: 1:34

Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

Oscar: 1:35

But I also took my little one to dance, which I still argue this, three year old is having a dance recital on Saturday. We'll see how that goes.

Blandon: 1:43

That's great. That's great.

Oscar: 1:45

yeah, so she's took her to dance. She did her little dance today. Talk to the dance studio because there's a lot of dads with little, with their daughters there. They're interested in our stuff. So talk to them.

Blandon: 1:56

Shameless plug. I like it. I said shameless plug. I like it.

Oscar: 2:02

Oh, completely shameless. Hey, how you doing? We're in a podcast. This is what it's about. Then tomorrow she's got a dress rehearsal again. Three, she's three years old.

Blandon: 2:13

Yes. You practice how you play, right? You practice how you play. So

Oscar: 2:18

I, look, if my wife takes her to dance, she will not dance.

Blandon: 2:24

correct.

Oscar: 2:25

If I take her to dance, she dances.

Blandon: 2:28

Exactly.

Oscar: 2:28

Therefore, I'm the sucker taking her to dance. Three year old, again. Anyway, so we'll have a recital on Saturday. I'll hop out to dance studio with some of that. And yeah, that's productive days. Oh, and my girls all got A's. Little showing off, but the base does this thing where if you bring in your report card and it's A's, they'll give them 20 to spend at the beer.

Blandon: 3:00

at the BX.

Oscar: 3:01

Yeah, so they'll go in there and they spend an obscene amount of time trying to figure out how to spend 20 but hey, it's they get their reward

Blandon: 3:10

There you go.

Oscar: 3:11

pushing hard. So so yeah,

Blandon: 3:14

Yeah.

Oscar: 3:14

it's been a productive day.

Blandon: 3:16

No, that's good. That's good. Yeah. So today was the first day that summer break started for the girls. So yesterday was half a day. Today was the first full day of summer break, but then also I was working, but because, I started the day off with some good energy, nice workout. I was able to, maneuver through it with the girls, even though they were higher energy than I was. Oh, but the thing is that because of the storm they had in Houston here, they were working on the Wi Fi. So we were out Wi Fi, so that was fun. the girls without Wi Fi, I was out without Wi Fi, so I was working for my phone. Doing work, but we had to go old school, bring out the DVD player. They didn't even know what DVDs are. And so they got to watch some cartoons on DVDs and then they just, even when the wifi did come back on, they still did like independent play. And they were playing with their dolls and Legos and everything else. So maybe the wifi should go off a little bit every now and again to. Get them back to that space of just kind of simple play. We

Oscar: 4:34

you

Blandon: 4:34

do have control over

Oscar: 4:35

Why am I coming back on either? You sat there Oh yeah, girls, wifi is still out. I have I have the wifi control on my phone. So like the,

Blandon: 4:44

Okay.

Oscar: 4:45

It off. First world problem, right? Everybody freaks out. The wifi is not working. I'm like, Oh darn, we got to go outside and do something. So

Blandon: 4:59

And then they appreciate that. And, then the wifi comes back and then

Oscar: 5:03

Suddenly, I don't know. It just magically appears again. When I need it. Yeah, man. In conversation today, I sprung up the idea of our conversation for today. Which we don't know how to name, and that's fine.

Blandon: 5:23

Fine.

Oscar: 5:25

but I was at, I work, whatever, regular day, unless we're gone, right? Where we do work away from homes every so often. But every so often I'll sit there and just think is that what I'm supposed to be doing? And am I doing it for the right reasons? Work. We all got to work. We've talked about this before, but then sometimes you work extra or sometimes you're really inundated with work and it's real easy, at least for me to get lost in that, like I'm working, right? I'm jobbing. But every so often I question am I doing it for the right reasons? Am I hiding in my work because hanging out with the girls sometimes is hard or I'm tired or I don't have the social meter for the day. And I'm like, Oh, sorry. I got to work. Am I concentrating too much on making some money? Which is a double edged sword. You and I know that you don't want, you don't make money. You struggle on the home front too. So it's like figuring out where it is. So man, maybe so often I'll just have these weird. I think you, you said introspection, right? Like weird time where I got it. I just get in my own head and I start just questioning what I'm doing. Am I doing it for the right reasons? Is it something that, that I could change like that kind of stuff? I find myself doing that, and I don't know, I don't know what the interval is, but I'll do that every so often where I'll just, my brain doesn't start, it doesn't continue to move because now I'm stuck in this thought of am I really doing this? Is this a good idea? So on and so forth, right? You ever get that?

Blandon: 7:13

Yeah, of course but I think when I have a introspective moment it typically I'm not really caught off guard by it because it's a thought that is like has been continued on throughout the day Or a lot of times I have it when I go on like my walks, right? And so that's a perfect time to think things out and to weigh them out. Or sometimes if I'm driving, but a lot of times when I'm walking and it's a thought that I couldn't think all the way through because I was around people. And typically when I'm around people, I'm concerned like, Hey, is everybody doing things? Okay. Is, are, especially with the girls, I'm trying to make sure they have all the things that they need. So then eventually if they have all the things that they need, then I can relax or, I'm checking in on my wife. I'm like, And by nature, she's a quiet person. She's observant and quiet and in her head a lot. So I'm always asking her if she's okay. And she needs to talk about anything. So then when I'm by myself, that's when the introspection comes and I'm thinking, and especially as you get older you're wondering if I've done all the right things with my life, if I maximize the time and sometimes you're like, man, I wish there was like this time machine where I could go back and I could redo this moment or redo this thing. But then in my very next thought, I'm like, but that moment was something that helped define who I was and it helped me to get to this point. But yeah, I absolutely have those moments of introspection. Where I'm thinking, is this the best route for my family? Am I doing this for the betterment of my girls and my wife, or is just this the betterment for me in the short time, because you have to weigh that out and sometimes. If it's for the betterment of me in the short time and not the long time term, I feel like you have to sacrifice that thing. Like you have to sacrifice that thing if it's, if it doesn't make sense for your entire family as a father and a husband, now some people might disagree with that, and I'm not saying I'm sacrificing all the parts of myself. But this kind of something that gives like a temporary like jolt of kind of, I don't know, short term happiness. It's but I could be doing this with my girls or I could be doing this for my wife or we could be doing this as a family together.

Oscar: 10:08

I think I'd have to say you you're learning the sacrifice. Or subdue your ego to that, right? Because you're absolutely right. Like you can get on a one track mind of, I love my job. I want to succeed in my job. I want to reach the pinnacle of my job. What have you? You, I think you've, we've seen numerous movies like that, right? Like the person, whatever the. The main character is dead set on being the top of his whatever work that is. And in that process either loses his family or never has the family because they're focused on that. I think I think the movie was called family, man. I think,

Blandon: 10:52

Yeah. Family, man. Yeah. That's what, no, that's exactly what I was thinking about. It's like, You have these two realities that you live in.

Oscar: 11:01

In real world you also have kind of two realities. We were talking before we press play, being in the military. There's some goals that you want to hit. Some people are very determined to hit goals in, in, in different manner. But for example, having, the timeframe now to think like, why I could retire from the military and that will secure something for my family. Right. And not just the military. Let's say you're working whatever job you get in the proverbial gold watch at that 20 year mark, whatever that is. And you're like, that's what I'm going to do. That's. It's i'm doing it for my family, but every so often you think am I doing it for my family though? Because there's accolades that come with all these things. There's advancements, there's there's Other factors are coming to play that that definitely play within your ego,

Blandon: 11:52

Yeah.

Oscar: 11:52

right? There's always that carrot. the question is, do you chase the carrot to benefit your family? Because let's face it. Inevitably, if you have a family and you're doing better at work. You're gonna benefit your family, unless you're legitimately not providing for your family, that's a whole different conversation. But if you're advancing at work, one can make the assumption that you're also gaining more money, which should be benefiting the family, right? But that can easily blind you. I'm doing this because, I'm making more money for us, or I'm, whatever. But I think the ego has a real funny way of keeping us within that. Within the carrot, close to the carrot, because we do want to succeed.

Blandon: 12:47

And and funny enough, I just had this similar conversation a day. I guess I'm letting people behind the curtain. I don't know if I should be saying this, but anyway so at my job, I travel a lot. And I've been traveling, I don't know, maybe already two weeks out of this month going forward. I'll be traveling for the next three weeks. Now, these are like extenuating circumstances. There are some people at work that have different issues that are going on. And so some of the work has to be done and I've stepped up to the plate, but I had a conversation with my. And I was like, Hey, I'm a team player. I don't mind helping out in this area. I don't mind, stepping up to the plate. However, when I signed on, I agreed to only travel two weeks out the month. And he was unaware of that, so I'm glad we did have that conversation because that's what I was told at every benchmark of onboarding. And so now it's me giving this very hard boundary at work because I am unwilling to sacrifice my time with my family. And that's what I told him. And that's, that was the conversation that I had because going back to what you said, you're going to sacrifice something and we need to figure out what we are willing to sacrifice. I'm not willing to sacrifice the time with my family. Like now we've come to an agreement that yeah, my, my job does have travel with it and I will travel and I've talked it over with my wife. We come to an agreement on that. My girls. Have an understanding of that. My, my youngest girl has a better understanding. My oldest girl is most times if I'm going on a longer trip, she's like sad about it or daddy, I don't want you to go, but Then she comes around a day or two later. And my youngest is daddy, I love you and I miss you, but I'm not going to cry about it. And I'm like, thank you. Thank you. Thank you, baby. Now I don't feel so bad, but anyway, nevertheless yeah. And if you are trying to chase the carrot of going up the ladder in your job and being more successful I think there are some things that you leave on the table with your family. And. I think if you are trying to dial in more with your family be more present at home, I think there are some things that you leave on the table with your job, and just wrestling with that and thinking through that right now with you. I don't think the people at my job are going to mourn me like my family is going to mourn me. They'll just get another person in my position. But my family, if I leave them and I'm no longer here, that's going to be a huge void. I would hope, and then there's going to be some legacy there, right? And while your job might talk about you, Oh yeah, he was a good worker, this, that, and the other. The real intimate piece that your family has of doing life with you each and every day, It's not there with the job, you know, you can celebrate a work anniversary, but does my work anniversary compete with my marriage anniversary? No. Like you said, the proverbial gold watch, does that after 20 years, does that match with, my ring that I wear from my marriage? Or for the birthdays that, that I celebrate with my children or their graduations or their huge milestones. Do I want to miss those? Because I'm choosing to work now and it goes to a different thing. I think when you're in the military, because then there is a certain level of sacrifice that you have signed up for and that you're giving up for the safety of all of us, as a collective and that should be honored. So I don't, I know I don't want to make you feel bad about having to travel and do what you need to do. For the safety and security of our nation. But I know that way.

Oscar: 17:13

Sure. The military has a different dotted line than other jobs. I get that. But and there's certain, you don't have to do the 20 years in the military. Everybody knows that no one's forcing people to sit here and Nope, that's it. Like you're in. It's not that kind of game. You know what I mean? It brings what you're saying. It brings the thought of balance, right? Man I get so bored of it. This whole like work life balance, you gotta have work life. And everybody thinks that's supposed to be like 50, 50 or 40, 60. That's continuously changing. And. It doesn't just have to be the military. Like you and your wife know that you have this job and before you took the job, I assume you had a conversation with your wife. Hey, this will have some travel

Blandon: 17:58

yes.

Oscar: 17:59

during those travel. We talked about this before the whole balance thing, right? Like your partner is going to be taking on more of the responsibility. 80, 90, 10, really. 10 maybe, if you can even try to be a dad on the phone. They just look at the phone like, Yeah, okay, whatever. We're not here. And maybe that's the difference maybe within the military that my wife didn't sign up for that, but that's what it is now having a stronger relationship that we have, like I do sit down with her in my current position. I'm able to say, Hey, within the next three months, this is what it looks like. So that helps, but it's not always like that for us. And there's times. You've seen there's times where I wasn't planning on leaving next week, and I'm out like in those little things Do come into play in and my wife. She's just a badass. So like she's like fine We'll just do it like that's just what we're doing right,

Blandon: 19:01

Yeah.

Oscar: 19:02

but it does wear on that right in those trips, man I think I questioned that every time I take a trip now because it's Am I doing this for the right reasons do I need to be gone right now? Sure, am I gaining knowledge and whatever doing my job right? Yes, and I do. That's something that I try to do always. If I'm doing something, I'm just gonna do it. I'm gonna do it right. Yeah, so I'm not just gonna, Go and, be all mopey at work because I'm gone away from my guys. It's not, that's not how it you're I'm there. So I'm going to do my job. And then when I can, I'll call home or whatever. But the question still comes into play in that introspection. I think we talked about it in one of our episodes, like when that hotel room is nice and quiet and I have to hear myself think it's like the conversation between myself starts to be here, like what's the benefit of me being here? Sure. Was I asked to be here? Sure. Strongly suggested to be here? Sure. But what is the after effect? And you're right. This machine will keep on going with or without me. Like, someone will take this position and that goes across the board. People think it's just the military, but that's everywhere.

Blandon: 20:15

Everywhere, every industry.

Oscar: 20:17

Yeah. Your

Blandon: 20:17

They will find somebody, they will find someone to do your job.

Oscar: 20:21

And the one job I don't want to be replaced in is here.

Blandon: 20:25

That's

Oscar: 20:25

don't want to be replaced. In the job of being the father to my girls. That's just like, I jokingly tell my wife, I'm like, when I go before you, cause inevitably I probably will. You can't get married again. Like it just can't happen.

Blandon: 20:42

You can't give, you can't give,

Oscar: 20:46

I'm like, cause there'll be lining up at the door once I'm gone, but it just, it can't happen. Like the girls can't have another dad. It just doesn't work this way. that's always a running joke. Around. But it's in the serious note I don't want to be replacing this job, but I replaced any other job, not here. And so I'm constantly figuring out how do I better my work situation? I'm in the military. We have chosen to stay in the military. Again, no one's forcing us to be here. But it still comes with that thought process of like, all right, am I doing it for the right reason? Am I. There's a promotion ahead. Am I getting promotion because this is going to open up a little more cash for the family to do X, Y, Z? Or am I getting promotion because I just want to be promoted because that's what my ego is asking for, right?

Blandon: 21:34

Right.

Oscar: 21:34

And ego, we know, we do good because of ego. So that's not necessarily a bad thing, but ego can take over that process and really forget the other stuff. So that might be the question is, am I doing this for me because my ego needs it, or am I doing this? Will this benefit my family? So someone had told me a story one time about a rowing team. Like a coach has a rowing team and the team would go and do X, Y, Z, whatever. But every time they'd say that, Hey, can we coach, can we go do this? And he'd say does it move the boat forward?

Blandon: 22:15

Yeah.

Oscar: 22:15

No more than you shouldn't do that.

Blandon: 22:17

Yeah.

Oscar: 22:18

And so that's the question. Is what I'm doing moving my family forward in any way shape or form, right? We started talking about dance recital dance ain't cheap. So me getting promoted now you have to weigh that the difference too, because You get promoted because there's different levels of responsibility that responsibility also takes time

Blandon: 22:44

Right.

Oscar: 22:45

But if I get promoted does that pay for dance? Am I good with that? Okay, I guess I need to get promoted because they're going to keep on dancing But it's

Blandon: 22:55

Right. Yeah,

Oscar: 22:56

it's how, what is it? So it's like playing the game. You know how people are like, Oh, I'm not political. I don't play politics in the office. That's not my

Blandon: 23:04

Yeah.

Oscar: 23:05

Hate to break it to you, but that's the world, like there's a game to be played in whatever you're doing.

Blandon: 23:10

And I'm playing the one and I'm playing.

Oscar: 23:14

just think about this. You're a leader of a team. And you're playing the game to improve yourself only. Not for the benefit of the team. What do you think of that person?

Blandon: 23:25

They're selfish.

Oscar: 23:26

Selfish, probably backstabbing two face most likely, right? Cause they're showing one front to the team, the other front to their bosses. So there's always a game to be played. The reasons you play the game.

Blandon: 23:39

Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.

Oscar: 23:40

Take that person, plays the politic game at work, gains things for their team, allows their team to do their job better. Now we need to get that person. That's a good leader, Right? And so that's, I think that's the, I'm not going to call it a tightrope, but that is a line that we walk because you do want to advance. I want to advance if it helps my family, right? But in three years, if in three years from now, if that advancement no longer helps my family, Then it's time to look for something else, But it's not that easy for some people. And it may not be easy for me either. I may get to that three year. I'll be like, yeah, but I still want to do my job here. Oh,

Blandon: 24:27

it's, I think it's easy when you put it in perspective. I think that, I think the choice is easier than the action behind the choice. And then

Oscar: 24:39

fuck is easy.

Blandon: 24:41

I think it's easy. I think it's, I think it's easy when you put it in perspective of what I need to do. We make it hard because then we want to throw in variables. We want to put this out there, that out there. We play the worst case scenario situation. Inevitably, the choice comes down to, like you said, is this moving the boat forward? If it's not, if you already know it's not moving the boat forward, what are you doing? But you're scared. You're scared because it's like people say it's the devil, and the unknown for a lot of people is worse. Then the known mess and pain or inactivity that they're already like dealing with. But I also think we are probably tiptoeing around the elephant in this conversation, which is people are like, Oh, okay if you guys are already Talking about why you are doing what you're doing, but then you also on top of your full time jobs, you also have a podcast

Oscar: 25:54

Yeah. That's.

Blandon: 25:55

takes you away from your daughter. Around. You don't see the daughters in the podcast. It's not like we're doing it with our daughters, but we are doing it for our daughters and for our families. So like you said, so we can learn how to be better dads, get more feedback, build community. Cause that's really what we're doing. We're doing the hard work that that other people are also doing. We're just doing it. As girl dads, right? We're trying to build a community of girl dads, but then they're like you guys are struggling with this, right? You have tension with this. Is this not also doing this hard work taking you away from your daughters? So I guess we have to answer that question. Why are we doing the podcast if it's taken away from our daughters?

Oscar: 26:45

I'm right there with you and that's also been weighing on me when we're recording because if we if the girls were in the room, we wouldn't get anything done

Blandon: 26:55

We would not. We wouldn't. We wouldn't. At

Oscar: 26:58

There'd be questions there'd be needs someone would fall over Some need would be heard

Blandon: 27:03

other. Somebody would want, they'd both want to sit on, all three of yours would want to sit on your lap. I just saw it before we pushed record. They were like

Oscar: 27:15

i'm telling

Blandon: 27:16

there vying for attention.

Oscar: 27:18

so yeah, we can't do this with them at least not yet

Blandon: 27:21

Not It's gonna be fun when we can,

Oscar: 27:23

i'll tell you what I Yes You're correct in the fact that I am enjoying I'm learning a lot. Some of it is not necessarily enjoyable because I'm like, Oh, I didn't know that. Or I did not think of that. That's the biggest thing is this allows me to think through some things just like you mentioned. And I'm picking things up and I'm hoping to put them in my toolbox. Dude, Trevor that statistic that Trevor dropped? It's been, I know we talked about it last episode, it's been in my mind ever since.

Blandon: 27:57

It's because it's gnawing at you

Oscar: 27:59

I look at my 12 year old, I look at my 12 year old, and I see her like a little video game character, with the 75 filled.

Blandon: 28:08

Yeah,

Oscar: 28:08

And I'm like, dude, 75%,

Blandon: 28:12

yeah.

Oscar: 28:12

how much of that 75 percent have I screwed up? So now we're like, maybe at 50%, maybe lower of quality time. Cause I've been trying to figure this out. So

Blandon: 28:24

Yeah.

Oscar: 28:25

that's the kind of stuff that, Trevor, man, if you're listening, like, I love you, but I hate you. It's just been in my brain this whole time. And just to be clear, we still, I still haven't done the fact checking on that. I didn't go research it but again very, it's a very real feeling for me, right?

Blandon: 28:44

right?

Oscar: 28:45

And and then the other thing, so I'm learning a lot from our conversations, from our pre conversations. We, we have conversations before we, we hit play.

Blandon: 28:55

We do.

Oscar: 28:56

You can't put them all on there because Oscar has a problem with cussing and I try to fix it before we start playing. But we have these conversations that inevitably give me tools that I'm like putting in my little playbook. Like, how do I do this? Oh, I'm going to try this one this time, and so on and so forth. The other thing that's kind of morbid, some people don't like to talk about this stuff, but I do. I see death as a very real thing. I've been around it many times and it's, it's just, it just is right. And I, as we start to edit the podcast, whatever episode we're working on or I'm listening to an episode, I'm thinking, what will my girls think when they listen to this and I'm gone. I hope to leave something that they can then listen to and realize like, Oh, that's what he was thinking. When this happened or if they had, if we had some disagreement that they can listen to something this and realize, Oh, I now understand the disagreement, even though he's no longer here. And my face ugly faces on this thing, right? Because of you. So maybe they look back at this and be like, ah, he wasn't so bad looking after him, right? But just something that I'm leaving behind because inevitably it'll happen, right? And so in my line of work, sometimes it gets a little closer than others. So yesterday was one of those situations. So it's like sometimes it gets real close and you're like, Oh man, I don't know if I left everything right at home. I was flying yesterday for all of you that might be wondering. I was in a military aircraft and some of our aircraft are old, and sometimes they remind us of that, but but that's what I'm talking about. So yeah. Why are we doing this? Yes. I'm doing it to gain knowledge. I'm doing it to free up my thinking. I'm doing it to maybe leave something behind for my girls. And yet with all those things, which I think all three. Are of value. I still sit here and think I'm taking away time for my girls to

Blandon: 30:55

Yeah.

Oscar: 30:56

and sit down here. So the last thing that comes to my mind is I'm hoping that in these conversations in these thought processes, that accuse someone else to also have some thought processes. Not the same. It doesn't have to be our thought processes, but just to ask themselves that question, right? I a good father? Am I doing things for the betterment of my family and my girls? Like those things, if it can turn someone for two minutes to a thought that, that makes them a better father to their girls. And you know what? Or to their boys, right? Trevor mentioned I also want good boys to be raised so that they can be there for my daughters.

Blandon: 31:38

Absolutely.

Oscar: 31:39

So if any of this helps any of that, then I think we left something good in the world,

Blandon: 31:45

We have,

Oscar: 31:45

right? Even a little bit. And then we're good. And then we can, go off into the sunset and wear our watch and then go, whatever. Right?

Blandon: 31:54

I mean, yes, hopefully mine is a Rolex, Hey,

Oscar: 31:58

Of course. So superficial. Continue, please. Yeah,

Blandon: 32:04

it was right there. I had to go and take, but no. Everything you said is correct. It's about leaving legacy. And it's also, I really think this is about community. I really do. I, because, we were already having these conversations and we were like, we can't be the only ones thinking about this, going through this as girl dads and now it just, and also being able to talk through this with you, one of my dearest friends for, I don't know, the past almost 20 years. It's it's refreshing, right? Because the statistics, now you can go fact check this, 70 percent of men say they don't even have one friend. They don't even have one friend to talk to. That's crazy, bro. That's crazy. And so the fact that we can have this. And people can join in on this conversation. They can listen to this and they can feel like they're a part of something. And maybe we're the two friends that they feel like they have, that they can connect to, you know what I'm saying? But I know at least I'm having this dialogue with, a friend of mine, a brother, and I think that's really important to know that we're having this conversation, that there are men out there who true, who care deeply. about their families. We care deeply about our wives. You modeled that for me long ago because you were married before I was, and I saw how deeply you cared for your wife and then for your daughter. And then I had a daughter. So we care deeply about them, and that's why we have this because we don't we take being fathers and husbands so seriously. So yeah, man I also wanted to leave something good in the world and because there's so much that people have to deal with and that weighs them down and I just wanted something to. Invite people to talk, let them know they can thrive. We want them to think, all those things. And so that's why those are our core values.

Oscar: 34:24

I the, just being in, in these conversations it really brings to mind that sometimes we may not hear from someone listening to this, but I don't know. It's interesting how sometimes we look for an affirmation. It's not I'm not affirming anybody, but just to hear someone say Oh man, this is totally normal. Like this phase of whatever, right? I had a business call today, like talking about business and to hear someone that is successful in business say, Oh man, that's yeah, that's you're on track.

Blandon: 34:59

right,

Oscar: 35:00

feel like I'm losing my mind.

Blandon: 35:01

You're on track. Yeah.

Oscar: 35:02

no, man. That's the path. You're good to go. Um, that's important sometimes just to get that because when we talked to Trevor and just talking to Trevor, I kid you not, I don't know the guy, we haven't known each other more than what we've talked in the podcast, probably a little bit more prior to, but you almost feel like you connect that way.

Blandon: 35:27

Yes.

Oscar: 35:27

Because we're like, Oh yeah we're all on this, on that same path. It seems circular and never ending, but it's there. You know what I mean? And then someone will come in and throw a nugget in there. And all of a sudden that circular never ending path all of a sudden has an outlet. And now you're like, Oh, okay, let's follow that. That's good.

Blandon: 35:47

Yeah.

Oscar: 35:47

And so if we could do that, and in my mind, knowing the cultural background I came from having some of these conversations in the, I think in the manner that we have them may break some of those cultural barriers of just. We wanna, listen, I'm all for head down, blinders on, and grinding. That's just what I've known for all my life. And I still encourage dads, particularly girl dads, to just, you gotta grind it. And you girls have to see you do that, right? But this should be somewhere where we can check on that grind, right? Because I don't know if anybody's ever run on a treadmill. You can be moving really fast and not go anywhere.

Blandon: 36:38

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Oscar: 36:40

And so it's important to not do that as a father of girls, as much as humanly possible, although it feels like it many times, but maybe slow down, realize that. That you're on the right path, or maybe you need to take a different path because we had a conversation with someone that brought that information to us and maybe use it to your advantage. And that's what I'm hoping that we can do for some of our dudes out there, like we're out here, we're trying to build this community because it's useful.

Blandon: 37:15

Yes.

Oscar: 37:15

It's a useful thing. We're also out here defending dads of girls and what the current society says is bad masculinity because I'm sorry, I'm a masculine dude and I care deeply for my girls. So which one is it? Which one am I supposed to be here? No, I think we we're figuring that out together, but that's. It's not one or the other, it's both, right? And all those words to say that I still sometimes question how much time I take away from them to do this, which we want to succeed. We want this community to succeed, but, that still comes into play. I can hear them, they're laughing. Or I can hear one of them is like tapping on the door, cause They want me to get out. But it's important. I believe what you and I are doing is important

Blandon: 38:05

Yes,

Oscar: 38:05

And the guests that we have had and that are coming on also believe is important and are willing to spend their time with us. And so again, a little bit, just little battles, right? I like winning little battles. If we can throw just a little bit of good dust in the world with everything that goes on. I think we're in a winning track.

Blandon: 38:25

and I think this also allows us to be accountable, right? So we're putting our lives out there for people to have an opinion about, or to judge, to see, to examine. But it takes a lot to get here. I don't think, I think people see like short little clips on, different social media sites like Tik TOK, Instagram, and they're just like, they make that quick judgment. And I know I've been guilty of that sometimes, but to get here to be in this open space, to have this kind of dialogue and especially with a friend like you. Because our conversations, we typically just have one on one, not in an audience of all these people who could come and chime in and say, if you're being a good person, first of all, let alone judging your fatherhood, right? And then in those vulnerable moments, you saying, Hey, this is how I'm feeling. This is how I'm doing. It's a lot, it's a lot, but it also holds us accountable to one another. And I'm very grateful for that, that we can be co laborers in this, that we're partners in this, that, we're like, okay, we're both tired, but we said, we were filming today. We say we're shooting today and that's what we're going to do. Or we need to do it this many times this week so we can put our content because we're traveling and we have to, it's causing us to be in areas in which I can speak for me that I didn't have to be disciplined in before. So I'm very appreciative for this. So it is for my betterment, but I just see it spilling over to other aspects of life. So to answer the question for other people, why are you still doing this? If it, if you struggle with it taking away time from your girls, Because it is making me better. It is making me a better man. It is making me a better father, a better dad for them to, and they ask me now, Hey daddy, are you shooting today? Are you shoot? When are you going in our room or, and they seem excited about it and it's bringing consistency. They're seeing me consistently work on something else, and. I think that also motivates them. That'll motivate them to work on something consistently because they've seen me do it. And I've been faithful to this thus far, and so now after saying that, I have to, we have to remain consistent and we have to remain faithful to the community that we are trying to cultivate and forge.

Oscar: 41:03

Yeah. The community we're starting to build is starting to build there. And. We're getting some feedback and that's good. Absolutely. I think making the time because it's important because you're right. I'm learning a ton, man. I will leave a session and then go and try to use something from that session. Even if it's just Trevor making me go hug my kid right after the session. A hundred percent. She's what is this for? I'm like, just shut up. man he, again, he brought such a good aspect to something that some people don't think about. I didn't think about it like that. I thought about it in the 18, 18 summers, 18 Christmases kind of thing. Oh, it's getting a little short. Okay. But to think like you've spent 75 percent of your interactions with your kid now Oh, okay. That's not good. And knowing that it's been a learning process. from the very beginning. Now with this, it's an effort for me to speed up the learning process so that I can slow down the other. It's possible, I know, but but that's the effort. Is to learn from you, to learn from the community that we have, To bring that back to what I can use and be better for them. Yes, it's important. Yes, it is taking time for my girls. I think they also know that it's important to me to grow because I want to grow for them.

Blandon: 42:18

Yeah.

Oscar: 42:18

also asked me about it. My oldest came over and make sure the room wasn't a crazy mess. And yeah it's good. And yeah, I struggle with it just like I struggle with. Going to work sometimes and realizing, should I be home? Should I, am I, I know we talk a lot about our girls, but am I providing my wife enough support of, in certain instances, like I know that she takes a lot of the brunt when I'm home or what, excuse me, when I'm away. So those little things, like all those things, and in the same note, I, in, in the same effort that we're doing and leaving something behind, I want the girls to realize that was always going through my mind. Through my mind, right? Shoot, I'll go mow the lawn. It takes me, one to two hours, depending on how bad it is outside. And it's I'm taking time there, right? But they know that things got to get done. And sometimes they understand it. Sometimes they don't understand it. Yeah. So again I appreciate what we have here. We're starting to pick up some steam and, we've got a guest coming in tomorrow to give us some great perspective on something different that you and I don't know. That'll be great. And and I say tomorrow for all you listeners, it'll be a week from whenever you're listening to this. I'm

Blandon: 43:30

Yeah.

Oscar: 43:31

Nevertheless, we're working. We're working to get information out to our community to make us all better

Blandon: 43:37

Yeah. And just to circle back on Trevor's statistic, you know how you have like your GPS like you had and it gives you a certain time that you'll reach your destination. And I I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I try to beat it. I try to like, I try to beat the GPS. So I'm like, see, I didn't, you were incorrect. I got here faster than what you said. I could get here. I hope with the same thing with his statistic, I hope I beat his statistics. I hope that I get to spend more time with my girls than what that statistic says. I hope that interaction at least cause I know me and my mom, we talk quite often. But I know some people who I work with and I'm like, when's the last time you talked to your mom? And they were like probably six months ago. so that's probably accurate for a lot of people. But I hope it's not accurate for me and my girls. I really do. I really do that. Cause like you said that just was like, Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine that I can't, but

Oscar: 44:44

Well, that's the goal, right? So to beat that.

Blandon: 44:46

to beat it. Yeah.

Oscar: 44:49

the rest of you come over, let us know how you're maneuvering through some of these thoughts. That we have as as fathers, how how you wrestle with your everyday splitting the time between family work and other duties, whatever those other duties are come talk to us, send whatever you whatever you got conversations at daughter podcast. com or hit up Landon and I on social media. We also have daughter podcast. On every social media or at daughter podcast is what it's called, right? The handle. We're also on YouTube. If you guys want to see our ugly faces go on there. And again, daughter podcast is what you're looking for there. But if you guys have any feedback for us, if you want to further discuss these topics send those over to us and we will do our best to get you out into those conversations with us. With that, I am Oscar. Landon on the other side, and we will see you on the next one.

Blandon: 45:57

Yeah. This is a, the daughter podcast guys where dads come to talk, think and thrive.