The DAUGHTERED Podcast
chores and allowance: are we doing it right?
In this episode of The Daughtered Podcast, Oscar and Blandon dive into the vital topic of teaching their girls about money management and responsibilities through chores. They share their personal experiences and perspectives on allowances, the value of hard work, and cultivating independence in their daughters. Join in as they discuss the complexities and nuances of raising financially aware and responsible kids. Whether you have daughters or sons, this engaging discussion is filled with valuable insights for every parent.
In this episode of The Daughtered Podcast, Oscar and Blandon dive into the vital topic of teaching their girls about money management and responsibilities through chores. They share their personal experiences and perspectives on allowances, the value of hard work, and cultivating independence in their daughters. Join in as they discuss the complexities and nuances of raising financially aware and responsible kids. Whether you have daughters or sons, this engaging discussion is filled with valuable insights for every parent.
This is the Daughtered Podcast, where dads come to talk, think, and thrive with your hosts, Oscar and Blandon. Our mission is to cultivate a community of strong, mindful, and present fathers. We want to curate honest conversations with all men, but especially those who have the honor of raising daughters.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Hey everyone. There's Oscar here at the daughter podcast and Blandon on the other side, not in Houston today, still vacationing.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:still vacationing.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:You know, some people have that kind of money and, in time. So the bougie out there, but we'll go with it, but you know what, to be fair, he's showing up to work and when he's here and we're knocking this out. So
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:there we go. Showing up to work on vacation. There go. Thank you for the acknowledgement. I
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Of course, of course. And today we're talking a little about money. Now, I don't know about you, Glenn, and I am no professional at money. In fact, I could definitely use some help, but,
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:of a professional at money than I am though. You've given me
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:but, but you have your girls out. It's a daddy daughter vacation time. Right. Um, and some of us have different tastes on the reward. aspect of doing things in the household and whatnot. So chores, right? Chores, allowances. And these kinds of things in and off camera You know, we're talking about the differences between you and I growing up, the concept of money and whatnot. So, I figured we can get into that, right? Because I still have a ton of questions on chores. Allowances, uh, if this than that, like those kinds of things are still, we're still playing with that. My wife and I were still playing with that because we want to teach our girls the value of hard work and some of the reward of that hard work, right? So you work full time job, I work full time job and at the end of whatever, two weeks or whatever the interval is for people. You have a paycheck. we're trading our time for money, right? That's ultimately what we're doing. With my girls, obviously I provide the things that they are required to live and to, to thrive, or at least that's my goal. But then every so often we start getting into those, like, I want this daddy. And it's just like, no, I'm not buying that. Like it's ridiculous. And so in an effort to stop always saying no. I started thinking, well, you can buy that for yourself. If that's what you want, that is not something that you need. That is not something that I'm going to buy right now. You can buy that for yourself. and so that's kind of the concept of today's conversation now there's also a difference. You have younger girls, right? Where I have, I have younger girls as well, but believe it or not, all three of them, including the three year old very minimally are expected to do things around the house and it's very minimal for her because sometimes. The fact that she just doesn't make an extra mess is a win. So it's like, all right, you did your
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:You leave her alone. You leave her alone right now.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:But, growing up for me, you know, Your background kind of follows you or the things that made you. Uh, come along. Right. So, you know, I came from a, from a immigrant family, poor, like we, I mean, don't get me wrong, my parents did everything they could and they provided everything we needed. So the things that we needed were always there. There was always food on the table. But, you know, just like anybody else, you start to desire other things and my parents wouldn't have the money for that. And so I started to figure out, all right, well, if I, if I work, cause my dad works, his ass off. So I'm going to go, maybe if I work, I can make some money. I don't have to bug them for money. Cause a lot of times they would try to give me the things I wanted, but I can see the strain in the budget, if you will. From when they were putting that money out. So I started working real early. Um, I would find odd jobs in restaurants, like pulling weeds. And like, I worked at a bakery at some point. I mean, just finding things where I can, and my, my, my dad would drive me to these places and be like, go ask for grass for a job, and he would tell me what to kind of what to say, or what, you know, what to do, and I'm 11, 12. Then he'd sit there and, uh, And just watch me work if I got, if I got the job. And so I know he was trying to instill that, like, if you want it, go get it kind of thing. Right. Well, now I bring that into my family. I'm like, no, you can, you can work for this. You can. You can put some effort and you can get this right now, you and I have a contrasting view because not everybody sees it that way. And I sometimes also give in because I'm like, well, no, I'm, I want more for them than I had. So I find myself almost giving them too much. you walk in there, my daughter's, my younger daughter's room. And dude, I'm like, where does all this stuff come from?
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:You, you.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And I'm like, dude, like, this is ridiculous. I would have never had it. I had a couple toys and played with that and then the rest is just made up imagination. So how would you, do you guys do chores? Do you guys You and your wife, do you guys do chores, allowance, um, remind the viewers how old your daughters are. And then, and then answer that question.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah. So my daughters are seven and five. So the seven year old is about to be eight. The five year old just turned five. And so we have not developed this kind of chore habit, which I know some people are probably like cringing at, but we just haven't. they're responsible for, keeping their room tidy, you know, putting their toys away or their lovies away. And, uh, they make their bed and they kind of decorate around. But for the most part, me and my wife, like we take care of a lot of the different things. So we're cooking and cleaning and. Making their snacks and doing all this now, probably me more than my wife. Um, she definitely wants them to be a little bit more independent. So she has them, you know, getting their own snacks, getting their own drinks, this, that, and the other. But if they know they want something, they'll say daddy, Hey, you know, and especially my youngest, especially my youngest. Cause she, you know, she's She's the baby. She's my baby. And so she has this thing where she's like, daddy, she's laying down and she's like, can you put a blanket over me? And
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:She knows the game.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:she know the game. And so here I am, you know, I'm running to put the blanket on her to, to just give her that comfort. Right. But, uh, to get balanced, my wife does not do all of those things. So she's more like, uh, you can do that yourself. You can do this yourself. Mommy can have a snack. Okay. Go get the snack yourself. Fix the thing. I'm the one who kind of does the things for them. And, uh, like you said, your, the history of your life follows you. And so a lot of things that my mother did for me, you know, she still cleaned up my room and did my laundry for me and did a lot of things. Even when I went to college, like I would wait for my mom to come all the way to Dallas. I know it. I'm just gonna, I'm just gonna be honest about it. She would come all the way to Dallas and I had a quad dorm, but she would do my laundry, she would go grocery shopping for me. She would do all the things. So I just do all the things for my girls. I'm not saying that's the way to go. I'm just saying that's what I do. And so for me growing up, there was never an exchange of chores and money. There were things I was expected to do. So, um, you know, I, I mowed the lawn. I, cleaned up my room. When my mom didn't, or if I knew people were coming over, I would help tidy up the house, clean up the kitchen and living room and do all the things. But it wasn't like there was money tied to a chore. Now, when I did get older and I wanted to work, my mom was like, no, I don't want you to work, you're gonna be working all your life, enjoy being a kid. But at 16, I was like, nope, I got my, I want my driver's license and I want to go work. And so my first job was at a retail shop for a couple of months until I got my quote unquote dream job at the time at blockbuster video. And I was an associate. assistant manager at Blockbuster video being 17 years old. And, you know, I, I kind of paid for whatever I wanted to, I had my own phone line, you know, I had, uh, my own cell phone, Blockbuster was running a special for dish. Dish TV. I had my own dish TV, even though we had cable, like it was just ridiculous. Like I always refer back to this episode of like Moesha when she first got her job and she got a wild out and she rented all this new furniture and got cable in the fall. That's exactly what I did, you know, but, but yeah, so going back to it. No, we don't have chores. I've seen all these things about a chore wheel and this, that, and the other, and how the kids can contribute to the household. And we just haven't sorted that out. And I'm, I'm probably the lagging wheel in that respect. Cause my wife would probably love and enjoy that, know? So
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:So, uh, you were spoiled is what you're saying.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:I was spoiled. I I was definitely spoiled. Like I had a, I had a pony at five years old. So I'm like,
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:A
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:I w I was epitome of sport. Yeah. And I, and then from then on, I always had a horse. So yeah, I, I, I was the epitome of sport. Yeah, pretty much. And
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:and your wife's like, bro, we can't be doing this, right?
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:it's very funny because I also spoil her and she was also spoiled because she was an only child but she didn't she does not like the moniker of Spoiled like it it really gets under her skin When she is identified as well, it doesn't bother me being identified as spoiled But it really bothers her and so I know that's why she is Kind of railing against it with the girls.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah. That's interesting. I, uh, I was not spoiled. Uh, if I, if I wanted some cash to go to the movies, my dad's like, Oh, that's cool. Here's the backyard. Okay. Then he's mowing. This needs be done. And he would, we would talk like him and I'd go fishing. And he'd tell me like, dude, nothing's free. Nothing's free. So if you want something, you're going to have to go work for it. Figure out how to get it, and go do it. And honorably, you would always say honorably, now we, we, uh, my sister and I were not spoiled. And, and I think that's also cultural too, like we, we talked about that, you know, um, like my sister did. Culturally acceptable things that girls are supposed to do at whatever age. Right. And then, you know, I'm, I'm outside, I'm mowing the lawn. I'm doing the things that need to be done. Washing the cars. Oh man. I hated washing the cars. Like it seemed like anytime I needed money the car needed washing. So it was just like, oh, come on. Like every time. Um, so no, I, I
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:It's very interesting because you were always, when we were on base together, you were always washing your truck and you were always his car.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:It's stuck.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:It did stick. It did stick. It's stuck.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:now, now I have three kids, the cars get messy. I'm like, whatever. And this is, this is a lot of losing battle here. Um, no, I haven't. So we, so maybe that's, that's, that's my mindset. Right. And, uh, I think part of me raising the girls the way that I do. And just per context, I think. Your wife and I are more in line and, and I, I, my wife is not purposely trying to spoil them, but she sees it as easier just to do it herself. So I mean, I just, it's so much easier for me to do it. Or, you know, if, if, especially the three year old, she's got her wrapped. I mean, she's got a bows wrap, but I'm just telling you like that three year old is spoiled. So, but, uh, yeah, it's the baby, but I tell her, I'm like, you know, the girls can do that. Like the whole snack thing. I want a snack. I'm like, go get one. The rule, I think we talked about the rule is if it's packaged and not natural, you have to ask. And, and if it's, if it's healthy, eat whatever you want.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:I thought that was great. I actually I actually took that from you and said that. Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:But the thing is even the healthy one, they're like, can you, can you give me a snack? I'm like, no, I go, this, this is my thing. And my daughters hate it. All three of them. They'll ask me for something that's super simple. Right. And then I'll go like this. Like, see your hands? Let me see your hand. And they all like, they don't really know what I'm doing. They raise their hand. I'm like, move your fingers. Now up and down. Your hands work. You can go do this. And, and, and they get, they get irritated. So, but it's just an effort to like, hey, be independent. Go, do things for yourself, right? It might be to a fault. But then getting back into the chore. So, early on, so, my oldest bought her own bike.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Wow.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And she was, I might get this wrong, but I think she must have been eight, seven, somewhere around there.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:or eight. And she bought her own
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:yeah, so what we did, so we had our, we had our dogs, and I would say, hey, uh, for every poop that you pick up in the back, I'll give 25 cents. And bro, for like the first month, she was on it.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:She was killing it. She was.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:I was like, wait a minute. Where's all this poop coming from? She would bring me the bill. She would write it down. I picked up this many. I was like, I looked at my wife. I'm like, this is getting expensive. might've been 50 cents. I can't remember, but she made enough. And she also might've gotten like a birthday, uh, gift card or something, but she made
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:also feeding the dog prunes. So
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah. Right. Yeah. She might've been doing that. made enough to where I, I think she made like 70 bucks. She had 70 bucks saved up and she's always in, we would go and she'd see this purple bike or this magenta looking bike. And, uh, and it was obviously going to come out. It was like at Walmart and it was gonna come out like 115 or something. So she made 70 bucks. And I was like, you know what? Let's go buy your bike. She's like, do I have enough? I'm like, yeah, you have enough. So we go over there, we go pick it. And she, she gets like, she hasn't, she's, you know, cause we grabbed it from the, from the rack or whatever. And she's, uh, walking it over and then she's like, can I ride it? I'm like, no, you can't ride it yet until it's yours. You can't write it. So she was just like, anxious getting over there. I've never seen anybody give their money away. So, so fast, but, but get this. So she was just like, Every stranger that was walking by her, she's like, I'm, I'm buying this myself. Like she, she was super proud.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:There you go.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And, when you come to the counter, the lady, the lady's going to say the price. I'm like, Oh, it's, it's enough. Right. And I just kind of like waved at her, like,
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:and she didn't say anything else. And my daughter handed the money over and she's just ecstatic. She just has her bike. I covered the rest, but, but it felt so good for her to just like, she's like, this is my bike. Like I bought this bike with my own work and money and whatnot. After the bike, poop never got picked up. I was just like, and at that time we also had, oh, that's right. We had a short chart. So at the end of the. At the end of the week, um, we would tally up all the chores and if they got all the chores done every single day, the way the chore chart was set up, and I couldn't, I couldn't tell you how it was now, then they would get a certain amount of money. Like, Oh yeah, you guys did the whole thing. We've changed our mindset on that because as you mentioned, it was a very transactional thing. Right. Like I do this for mom and dad, I get the money.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:mhm, you good.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And I can't tell you when we started moving away from that. But then I realized I'm like, you know, you're part of a family. You're part of a unit, a team, tribe, what have you. And everybody contributes within that tribe.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And so they slowly started getting away from the church chart. Like it wouldn't come as important to them as it was before. Uh, and I think I, this is just me thinking through that and it could, I could be a hundred percent wrong. I think that's why it started to kind of fade away because it was just transactional, almost like. Well, you know, I don't really feel like getting money right now. So then I don't have to do my chores.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right. That's what it felt like. So then, you know, I was sitting with my wife. We're like, no, we, I did some studying on chores and like these things. And it really came to my mind where it was like, well, we want to include them as part of our team.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right. And so that's when we, you know, a while back when you and I started talking, we would, at first we would say, Hey, we have to help mommy, but then I realized like, no, no, no, we're not helping mom.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:We're just doing our part
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:because it's not mommy's job to do all these things. And so that's where that mindset changed, where it's like, now, you know, um, you remember the day we were, we were recording, I think it was with Nate. We were on here with Nate and I said, I had been outside, I was doing some landscaping in the, I walked in and the girls had just like, Made the house immaculate,
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:super proud, but then I couldn't even help it. I'm like, Hey, I gave them like 20 bucks. He's like, I couldn't not do that. And then that is probably wrong because it goes back to what we were talking about. But, but it was just such a, like, wow, this is great. And I want to appreciate, I want to show you some appreciation for this. Right. And then I read. Later on after that, it was like that I, it would have probably been better if I said, Hey, you know, cause cause the house is so clean and you guys did all these things. Let's go do X.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Okay. Okay.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:as opposed to that transactional here's 20 bucks. Cause you did some work, you know what I mean? So that, so, so we've really transitioned or it's still working work in progress. We really transitioned from a transactional thing of like you do chores, you make money to, where we. As you mentioned, it's an expectation. Now, all this has XYZ to do, it's just expected. Their beds should be made in the morning. It's an expectation, right? And then in an effort not to sound punishing, cause we don't want to use it as a punishment, but depending on what they're asking for through the week or the weekend. You guys didn't really help out this week.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Mm, okay.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:We don't know if that's, if that's earned this week. You know what I mean? We're still trying to figure that out. legitimately, we talk a lot and we're like, is this, is this? I mean, we know what we want them to do. We want them to be part of the team. We want them to. Want to help and don't get me wrong. I'm not asking them to like the chores. I mean, no one likes to chores. Right. But there's things that have to get done. And so we want them to want to be part of that.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right. Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:We're still struggling with figuring out how we do that.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:No, I mean, and that's what I'm saying. I, I don't, I guess even before this, it wasn't even a topic on my mind. It wasn't like, yeah, I would see different things from different people about chores. But as we said, because I have the girls time capsuled, I'm not even thinking about like a chore, so to speak. Like, you know, I don't, I don't, And then I think it's different because maybe if, if, if I had boys, then it would be a, it would be a completely different conversation for me because I would say, Hey, no, because you need to know how to do these things around the household to help take care of the household. Right? Like. You need to be able to take care, take out the trash. You need to be able to mow the lawn. And I'm not, once again, I'm not saying girls can't mow the lawn. I'm just saying, in my purview, do I want my girls mowing the lawn? No, I'll mow the lawn. You know what I'm saying? Um, you know, do they have to wash the car? No, they don't have to wash the car, but, but their mom likes washing the car. He see what I'm saying? So it's like, she likes going and doing that. I'll do it, but do, do I necessarily want them to feel like these are chores? I just, I just don't know, but I know that it's necessary because the story that you told about your oldest is, is great because like she earned that, right? She earned that bike and regardless of the price, the way she felt after she purchased it. That was hers. That was after all this hard work and I get it, you know, she finally got what she wanted. So then it's like, okay, well, I don't have to pick up this poop anymore. But for that whole month, she was dedicated to
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah. Oh
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:And that, and that is the lesson that I would want to move forward. Like, yeah, you worked hard for it. Yeah. You had to, you had to scrimp and save and do this and collect this and go outside and You know, all these things to get what you wanted to finally get what you wanted, like you said, in an honorable way, you know, you're not cheating anybody, you're not stealing from anybody, you based on your own merit acquired this, you know?
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:But think about this. Okay. I think there's some form of. Self esteem that comes along with knowing that you can do all these things. Because the last thing I want is for my girls, as they grow up to not know how to mow the lawn because they've never done it or not change the tire you know, for the car, because they've never done it because, because, well, my dad always does that for me. So see what I'm saying? Like, I, I'm I'm not hating. I'm just saying I look forward and I'm like, I don't want her to be with a dude. Simply because he's doing these things that she doesn't know how to do or can't do, or maybe doesn't want to do. And he, he may be a jerk in every other aspect, but he's doing these things where she's like, Oh, I got to keep them around.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:I want the confidence for them to be like, You know what, you're not working. I'll take care of this myself. We talked about this at nauseam. I hope boys and men, the sheet that my daughters meet have that in them. That, that honorable thing to do to take care of them. If that is what they've been taught, but I also don't want them to go to feel like they're not complete because of that.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right. Right. And I guess I, I guess the own, so what I would want for them to have, and I think a lot of. Um, women are talking about this now, right? Like they want to have this soft life and that's what you kind of see. And I guess that's what I want my girls to have. Right. I don't, I don't, I don't want them to have to like, if they want to, I guess, but I don't want them to like, have to get it out the mud. You know, always, I don't want them to have to like, have to dig a ditch in order to pay their rent. You know, like I'm, I just, you And I'm not trying to say that women can't dig a ditch. I'm just saying ditch diggers typically are men. And I just, and I want my girls to, and I feel like they already are, maybe because I'm cultivating that in them. It's probably because I'm cultivating that in them, but they already have soft life energy that they're giving off. Right. Especially my oldest, especially my oldest is like, listen, I just want a soft life that if my daddy can do it for me, um, Now my youngest, my youngest is, she is a little spitfire, right? She is, she is always in defense of her older sister. She is the fighter in the family. Like she is, she stands up for everybody. So, but I think she still gives a little soft life energy, but for her, I know she wants to do everything herself, you know, everything that she wants to get herself, prove it, like, And we have this conversation between the older and the younger because my older and I'm, I'm grateful that she's able to articulate what she's afraid of because she's like, Daddy, I'm afraid of this. I'm not sure about this. I don't know about this. And I'm able to talk her through these things, talk her off the ledge, but I'm, I'm grateful that she feels comfortable enough to share her fears with me. But my youngest. And contrast is like, daddy, I'm not scared of that. I'm not scared of anything, you know, like, like my oldest may say, Oh, lightning and thunder kind of scares me, daddy. It makes me feel the kind of way. And then my youngest is like, I'm not scared of thunder. I'm not scared of light. So, you know what I'm saying? So she is like already like ready to take on the world, but in the aspects of. Chores and such. I, I, I just think they, they still look at me and they depend on me and, you know, maybe I like that a little bit. If I'm honest with myself, maybe I like being able to do things for them. In this stage, but you're right. There's a difference between knowing something and then having the opportunity for someone to do it for you. And then just, just being completely ignorant to So you're right. Maybe I don't want them to be completely ignorant. I want them to have a touchstone with, okay, yeah, this is how a yard goes now. And that's what I'm saying. Like I did both, like my mom didn't play. Like I mowed the lawn. But also planted flowers with her, right? I knew how to turn over flower beds, you know, put topsoil down, like. Replant flowers like she had these Roses that she was so super proud of. I remember the year that, um, we got best yard in the neighborhood. She was super proud of that. Um, and I helped her with that, but are some of the things that I want them to maybe be proud of, like have these things that they like to do. but also you're right. They shouldn't know how to, you know, like, I know some people don't even know how to do their own laundry. Right. Some people don't even know how to load a dishwasher, you know, some people Uh don't know have never cleaned baseboards, you know, so be completely oblivious
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:For me it's twofold. So first, first and foremost, they need to know that things, things suck sometimes, and you just to do'em.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:You're right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:I always, uh, like my oldest gets annoyed with me. she's doing the, the 30 day, the, uh, challenge, the, the fuel hunt challenge. with me, this, this month, so we just knocked out our stuff. Not too long ago. I finally got her to do that because she gets annoyed because I tell her like, Hey. You know, do hard things, do hard things because as, as cliche as it sounds, I always tell them, I'm like, Hey, be the warrior in a garden, not the gardener in the war.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah. Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:I want them to have the ability to do things and not need to do them.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah Yeah, you're
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:like that's the best of both worlds. You know how to change a tire. Sure. Do you have to do it? Actually, my husband did that. Like, okay, cool. That's great. glad you know how to do Right. Cause. I've met men that don't know how to do that.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right, right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And, and so I, I always get with my oldest particularly because we just have different conversations, but even my, my middle child, like she's now picking up that, that her mother and I work out,
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Mm hmm
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:you know, and she would ask like, that looks really hard. I don't want to do that because we're sweating like today. I mean, today, dude, it's Louisiana heat and it's, it's stifling. Like, you know, we're in the garage, but it's just, It's just hot and we're drenched and she's like, that looks horrible. And I'm like, well, it wasn't fun, but the after effects is what we're looking for. we're here for longevity. We're here. And I tell them like your mommy and I do hard, hard things so that we can, so that we can deal with hard things.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:yes, yes
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:so sure chores, we're not giving them, you know, hard things. I don't make my children go into a cold bath with me. But, but they do watch me do it. And they know that I go after hard things. I go after things that put me out of my comfort zone because they also know me. And I think it's part of what I'm trying to teach them. They also know me as the calm in the storm.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Mm
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Both figuratively and, and like literally, like we'll have some massive storms to come through here. And my oldest is, is afraid of them, just like you mentioned. And my middle just kind of stays quiet, but you can tell that there's, there's some fear there in the little ones three. So she's doing whatever everybody else is doing. Unless I'm holding her because I'm, I'm just like, Hey, it's, it's all right. Like we're, we've got a plan. We'll do this, you know, stay calm. Um, we had one incident in Ohio when we were living there. We had a ton of snow on the ground and I think the little one fell or maybe my middle one fell. And I was not prepared. I was inside, I was in shorts and bare feet. And I just ran out and I'm dealing with this issue and we finished the thing. And, and, uh, you know, I took, I took her to the, to the doc, came back. Everything was fine. And my oldest is like, how did you, it was so, it was freezing outside. I'm like, yeah, so like what, who cares? But she sees me do these hard things. tell them, like, the hard things that I do allow me to take care of hard things during my life. It's just the way it works. And so, yes, I don't make them do the hard things like that. Chores suck, but they're not necessarily hard, right? I mean, doing your laundry, doing And that's what the girls have to do. Hey, if you want clothes washed, you better bring it over to the laundry. Or, when they come out, they're like, I don't have any underwear. I'm like, well, that sucks for you. Better go wash them because the rule is if you, if you have a full hamper, what, what, why are you not washing it?
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:And so I'll sit there and I'll be like, this is what you do. You turn it here and then you put the soap here. And then my wife will come in and be like, Nope, this is not how you do it. You do it like this. And then, and that's okay. I'm like, Oh yeah.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:That's okay.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:We all learn, but my mindset is I want them to have the abilities to do all the things. And sure, if they don't ever have to do half of them, great, fine. But guess what? My oldest, as much as she hates it, I'll have her mow half of the front lawn. Half she's only 12, right? And it's hot. Like I don't want her to die. Like I feel like I'm dying out there.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:But see you're and you got to put it in proper context. It's hot and humid that that the killed the humidity is what's killing us down here in the South. That's that's what that's what gets it. But yeah, anyway,
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:When you see what I'm getting at, it's like I, in, in the cool thing, this is the cool thing. Um, we were still, we were still in our last assignment and, uh, I think it was during my oldest birthday. We had like a bunch of kids from her school and from church and they were hanging out and those little boys in there. And, um, something came up where like, you don't know how to do that. I know how to do that. And I was like, yeah, that's right. You what I mean? Right. Like, that's exactly what I want. That's what I want to happen. When When they're needed, right? Like, like it would make me so proud to, for her to, to go help. I say a dude because I have girls and I just think it'd be funny. What some dudes was like, I don't know how to change the time. She's like, get out of the way. Let me do this.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Move.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah,
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:I'm just being honest with you. Like called me and said, dad, I, we were driving and this dude didn't know how to change the tire. I got it taken care of. I'd be like, that's my girl. that's what I want.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:of and yeah, yeah, I showed him I showed him up on this day he not
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Or listen, I say boys, I know it's, it's, you know, some people might not like that, but honestly, anybody, if, if, and we talk about this a lot, my oldest man, like, Hey, if you can be the calm for people, if you can be the person who stays calm, makes decisions and does things, you are the difference. And so I want her to feel that I wanted to have the confidence to be able to do things like that. And I know we kind of went off to the side of it, but ultimately when I look at chores, that's what I'm looking at. Do you know how to do this? No, let's teach you. Can you do this? Yes. Well, let's do it. Like you have the ability, then we're going to do that. She'll cook. Uh, just recently we got those meals that come that you can cook, they come with a card and you can, um, I'm not going to say it cause they don't sponsor us, but if you guys want to sponsor us, I'll say it on here. Um, but they have the card and it, and it shows all the steps. and I was kind of against it before cause I'm like, we'll just make our own food, but I actually like it because. Now she's like, I'm hungry. And I'm like, here's a little card, get at it. I'm your sous chef. What do you need me to do? And it's kind of become a thing. Like I want to, I want to do that with them, you know? Uh, but at the same time, they're learning to put a meal together and not frigging go to the McDonald's or whatever, every time, cause they're hungry, like put a meal together. So anyway, so that's kind of the thought process behind us and giving them the chores and the things. That contribute to. Our team, which is, you know, team Pena, like you're here, you're going to, you're going to contribute even the little one, right? Like we'll find the things like, you know, Hey, your, your toys are here. Can you help us? When she sees everybody working, it's kind of cool. She just start working even gets in the way because she wants to help with everything at that point, but she's, she wants to start working. So that's one of those things that I want to cultivate in my girls is again, and it's not just indoor girl stuff either. It's We'll, we'll, we'll be outside and they're pulling weeds. I'm doing this other stuff and they'll complain sometimes at the end, they're fine, like they're nothing happened, you know, and, uh, and that's kind of the concept of that. Now, I did want to bring up this other aspect that I, I've never used. And, uh, this guy from work does, and I wanted your thoughts on it.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Okay.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:So they don't do, so they do chores. Okay. But it's chores for the family, just kind of that same concept, right? It's you don't get paid for your chores. What he started doing. And I can't remember when he started it, um, he mentioned that he started, uh, like checking accounts for their kids
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah,
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:and every month money goes into the checking account every month. Uh, I don't know how much I didn't ask, but, but there's, there's a feed of money that goes in there every month. He and his wife provide the necessities of, you know, childhood, the things that you, you get, that you need anything extra they get to pay for. So in, and he does it in a way where they'll sit down, they'll look at how much money each kid has in their account and be like, well, you have this much money, you need to do X, Y, Z with this money, you know, get tithe, give, uh, put some in savings. Now you have this much money. You can go spend it on this thing or you can not. And I really got interested in that because it's not a big amount that goes in. I'm sure. I don't think it's like, you know, hundreds of dollars, but I'm sure they can accumulate it. But the thought of them having to figure out and feel that money leaves really intrigues me.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:No, it does. I think you probably have to cultivate good spending habits up front and early Um, yeah, I think I have, I don't know. I was always, uh, uh, I'll pay for my convenience type of person. And I, maybe that was cultivated in me early. I have no idea, but it's just my outlook, right? If it's, if it's something that I want. I'll get it. If I can't get it, I probably don't want it anymore. But speaking of like these checking accounts, some family friends of mine, we were just talking about this. So their kids also have, uh, debit cards and checking accounts that are, you know, guardian guaranteed checking and savings accounts that they can see. You know, if, if the kids want to spend their money, they do, you know, they're like, okay, and we can see this and, they use it for, you know, lunch money or whatever, and they fund it and they can see what they're using it on. You know, they can stop it, freeze it, do whatever they want to do. Uh, but they're adding to it and contributing to it. And I think it's a good idea. I think it's, I think I like that idea of the kids. Like you said, you know, now you see where your money is going and they can have a conversation about it because it's tracked. Right. And so they do, they print out their little bank statements and they. Can talk to them about that and go, uh, go over, their expenditures and all of that. And I think that's a, I think that's great. Um, so I don't have any, I don't have any fault in that. I just, I don't, I don't know. I'm like, I guess because of the way I see money, it's, it's probably muddy because I'm like, well, that's just. Money I'm giving them. Like that's it. That could already be in this account. Right? Like I could, it's like giving you the money to buy something that I could have also got for you. So yeah, but it, it, it muddies it up a bit for me. Uh, my wife would probably like that because she has a different idea of money. If she's like, yeah, but see this money over here is this, and I'm like, it's all the same. It's all the same money. We all, we all in the same house.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:he mentioned that though, he mentioned that he said, this is money that I'd be spending on them anyway, but now they have to figure out how to spend it.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Okay. Okay.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:So I was like, dude, that seems really, I guess the only thing I have, the only reservation I have towards that is that I feel like it's free money. Like, Hey, money doesn't just show up in your account in real life. You know what I mean? One only wishes that money just magically appeared in your account.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:So maybe that's the only reservation that I, I have because I, my wife and I have talked about that concept of, of money of, Hey, this is money that we'd be spending on them anyway. So if she needs clothes for school, okay, go buy some clothes for school. This is part of figuring out how to live. And so I really liked that concept, but you know, the other side of me is like, wait a minute, like you're getting free money, You know what I mean? Like magically showing up in your account, but the, but that concept is kind of sound, right? Like it's money that I'm already going to spend.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:It's already in the house. It's already in the house. You're just kind of like, delegating it to where you would want it to go. Right? And then they, now have to make decisions on how they spend said money. You know? Uh, no, I thought you had some more tips and tricks for me. Once
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Well, you got anything else for us on this, this topic, Brandon?
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:I kind of want to know what's in the chore chart. Like, what did you, what do you have in the chore chart? So maybe I can glean and other people can glean age thing. And when did you start? Because maybe, maybe I'm on the cusp of starting now. Well, I guess so. You said your oldest at seven or eight bought her own bike. So I guess I should be starting right about now.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:We started the chore charting and I think my daughter was five or six.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Okay.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:They were simple. Like it wasn't anything major. And at that age, they want to, they want to do things. And even my, so, so they're four years apart. So. Let's say, let's call it six. I think my little one started doing her, her little chores about four or five as well. And they're like, currently they have to make their beds. Like that as a thing, their room is a hundred percent, their responsibility. Like if I walk in and I see my wife cleaning up the room, I have to hold back from losing it. And they know, so the room has to be picked up.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:They have to fold their own clothes. So they don't always wash their own clothes, but they have to fold. Like once it comes out of the dryer, Hey, this is your stack. Sit down,
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Now that's fair. Now that's Folding your own
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:away. Yep. So fold, fold clothes, put it away. Um, vacuuming the rooms. My oldest takes care of that and she takes care of dishes. my middle one will, uh, she, she vacuums. we have like, we have, ceramic floors, I think. And she'll use this little Dyson to vacuum. Cause we have a dog and it sheds all the time. And so she'll vacuum. Um, and that's, I think right now, like set in stone, those are about it. The other thing though, is that like, uh, we have kind of a cleaning day, as you know, Fridays, uh, we start Saturdays on Friday all the way to Saturday. So in the daytime Friday, my wife likes to get the house clean. and so we will have a cleaning day if I'm home. We're all cleaning something. And so the girls will take a bathroom each or, a sink and they've got it. Ultimately the deal is if mommy's working or I'm usually outside and depending on the temperature or whether they may have to be outside with me, primarily just to keep them off electronics. And they, they got to do something else. but if mommy's working and they're just chilling, that's a no, no. Like, uh, that's actually a really easy. Loss of electronics. Like
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:your mom's over here humping it and you're all just chilling. Let me have this. And they don't, they don't even fight it anymore. They're like, ah, okay.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Because it's just, again, the concept for us is, Hey, we're all doing this. You're part of the family.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Right.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Hit you.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Exactly.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:So those are the kind of chores. When we first started, I think that was relatively similar ish. Dishes weren't in there. Vacuuming wasn't really in there. I can't remember exactly those chores early on. But they were simple. We had a little chore. Chart and add little stars. And if they finished it, they'd go put their star up and you know, why have you? So my wife made it fun. I just wanted it done, but my wife, she'd take them over there and they're a little magnet star. So they put their star up there.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Did you intend for that to rhyme? You were like, I just wanted it done, but my wife made it fun.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:Oh, no, no. That's just, that's just my natural ability to run.
blandon-_1_07-01-2024_201444:Okay. Here we go. All right. Okay. Yeah.
oscar_1_07-01-2024_201444:But Hey, listen, anybody out there, we'd love to hear what you guys are doing with primarily because. The Pena family is still trying to figure out the chore thing and allowances and whatnot. And Blandon is about to get started in one form or another. Uh, so we'd love to hear everybody's feedback on that here at the daughter podcast. We want to hear from everybody, whether you have girls or sons, does it matter specifically on this topic? Because we want to figure this thing out. What is your concept of money? What is, how do you teach your kids money? in the meantime, We appreciate y'all listening. Please, let us know how we're doing. Give us a review on the podcasting platforms that you're on. Find us on YouTube. you can see our ugly mugs and, also make a comment on that. That's fine. Um, We appreciate y'all being here. Also, uh, those comments you can send to conversations at daughter podcast. com. You can go to www. daughterpodcast. com to find all of our content, including our social media presence. It's all in there as well. primarily on Instagram, but we're kind of all over the place. so connect with us and, let us know your thoughts. In the meantime, this is Oscar, The Daughter Podcast with Blandon on the other side, and we'll see you on the next one.