Once a Mother always a Mother
Once a Mother always a Mother
Balancing Family Commitments Across Generations
Is it possible to juggle the needs of your spouse, children, and aging parents without dropping the ball? On this episode of Once a Mother, Always a Mother, we explore the delicate balance between honoring your commitments to your family of origin and meeting the ever-evolving demands of the family you've created. In "The Balancing Act," we unpack the importance of putting your spouse and children's needs first while still maintaining a strong, supportive relationship with your parents. Discover how prioritizing your new family not only benefits them but can positively impact society as a whole. Learn why modeling good values and responsibilities for your children is crucial, and how to ensure that both generations feel respected and supported.
Our conversation continues in "The Family Support System," where we dive into the complexities of caring for aging parents without compromising your immediate family's needs. Through real-life stories, we highlight the emotional and practical challenges that arise and offer strategies for navigating emergencies that might require temporary shifts in priorities. Hear how mutual understanding and cooperation from all family members can foster a harmonious household, and why it's essential to teach your children to prioritize their own family first. Join us as we share insights on achieving a balance that brings happiness and prevents conflict within the family structure.
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Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Once a Mother, always a Mother. In today's episode we will be talking about a topic that has to do with a different generation. We're talking about parents, so our parents, us mothers' parents, and it has to do with the responsibility we as women always have and carry towards also our previous generation. So, without further ado, let's get started. So, as just mentioned, the responsibility of a woman and in general also of a man, is always also towards his own previous generation, so his own parents, and it will always stay the way it is. But it's important to distinguish between the responsibility of or towards your family of origin and the responsibility you have towards the family you create. So your wife, your children, your husband, your children. Why today I'm speaking about this topic, prioritizing the needs of you and your input towards your family of origin and their um, their expectations from you and the expectation that your next generations or your children and your spouse or partner has from you. Now it's important to say that the family you created is more important than the family you're coming from, for several reasons. Family you you're coming from for several reasons. Reason number one it's obvious that the new family that you're creating has to do with small children, and small children are not self-sufficient, so it needs to be um, this is a situation where you have to be involved actively and take care of, or else your parents or the family of a region are, in some cases, in a situation where they cannot be self-sufficient, but most of the chances we're speaking about people that are aging but they're still self-sufficient, they can do everything, and so on and so forth. So this is one Second. The new life you're creating with your family, or your choice, so basically your husband and your kids is constantly evolving. It's constantly changing. You're changing your partner's, changing the dynamics of the family. So, with children one child, two child, and the different faces while the children is growing faces also challenges within the unit. So this dynamic is requiring more and more from your end.
Speaker 1:So, versus the situation you have with your family of origin, you might be changing, you might be evolving, you might be in different stages of your life where you're not their child anymore, you're a grown-up, you're a member of a different family and so on. But still there is an understanding on that end which is very different than the understanding that the new family you're building has from you into with you, because your parents, your own parents, are not going to judge you, they're not going to cut ties and really you need to have. It has to be a real big issue to get to that point and it means quite big trouble, but we're speaking about normal families and normal things and you see that there is an understanding that older generations, an understanding that older generations have understanding that they went through already, so through their own experience, and so they would understand you better, not being able to fulfill everything towards them because of the responsibility you have towards the new family and the new life you're building. Then the opposite, then your new family, to have the understanding that you're going to compromise any time or any effort or anything, new resources, even on them to prioritize your previous generation, so your parents or your your ultimate relatives and so on. And this, this itself says a lot about what kind of generation you're coming from, what kind of family you're coming from, and also the level of ties and you know and and um, let's say, the level of confidence you have towards your family, towards your um, parents that you know, mom and dad. You understand, you're're not going to guilt trip me because I won't be able to be there for you all the time or because of anything, or because of me prioritizing my partner and my children, or anything that was your desire, so I didn't do it the way you wanted, and so on and so forth. So that shows that the family of origin is really supportive, is really understanding, and that's how it should really be.
Speaker 1:Of course, exceptions are there and I would really say such families are just going to give more hard time to the new family. So the new family really has a lot of, as we say, challenges because of this constant evolving, changing and different phases throughout the married life, but there is a stability in the relationship between you and your own parents. So, seeing these things, it's obvious that you're going to prioritize the dynamics that are changing versus the dynamics that are more stable and long-lasting in your life, so with your parents, and long-lasting in your life, so with your parents. But it doesn't mean that you're going to ignore them. And for as much as it's important to focus on your new family and so on Although it's crucial, I would say not just important, because you are creating a new life and you're giving this new life to the society that can become a criminal tomorrow, so your children or can become a very good person that is going to help thousands and thousands of people.
Speaker 1:So it can be really, really crucial that what you're giving to your children is going to have an effect on a vast majority of people than just the effect that you're going to have, with your parents ending up being more limited to your own family, right? So, still, your responsibility is also towards your family of origin, and it has two main purposes, if you say it accomplishes one the role you play as a daughter, as a son and here I would still talk about you as a daughter, because we're speaking about mothers but not only in that sense, but also in the sense that you are a role model for your own children and you want to show them what a good person or complete person has as different tasks and different responsibility throughout their life, that at some point you as a parent are going to go towards decline in life, so you're going to have more health issues, you're going to age and that will put constantly some limits in your living style and even quality of your life, and seeing that your support is something that would be good to have at that point and you show them the same thing. The same thing, you show them that you are being a support, where you can and where you should, towards your parents, which are ultimately the grandparents of your children, and showing them this by not compromising them, their well-being, so the children well-being and their responsibility you have towards them and your spouse, of course. So this is where a lot of people struggle and I understand that it is difficult, because both ties are very, very important, and I'm addressing this because being in between of these two parties is easy when one or the other is going to be more understanding.
Speaker 1:So, as I'm speaking, I think it's obvious to understand that the understanding part, or the more understanding and more stable relationship, is the one that should come a second and in that sense, it should be also the one that is going to understand and give the other party more priority. So we're speaking about the parents and the family of origin. If they are going to help the son, the daughter, to prioritize their first responsibilities towards their own new families, understanding that if anything given to them is going to cause them an issue in their own living in their own new family, then this will facilitate the person itself. So me as a mother, if my family is going to understand the fact that I have two small children and I won't be able to be always present at certain timings because my child has to sleep, my child child has this, this, this, that or anything related to it. It's, it's their love towards me. So my parents' love towards me to show me that they will not compromise my responsibility and my relationship with my children over their situation. And again, the level of situation would really tell a lot.
Speaker 1:If there is an emergency your parents are not doing well, you need to take them to the hospital. I need to compromise on your children. I need to leave them somewhere, you need to take care of them for some days, and it makes sense, because it is a level of importance towards the health of your parents that requires you to compromise on the time or that particular, those particular days on your children, and that makes sense. And that's also teaching your children that it's important to give priority where it has to be given and where you are going to give all the priority to your new family instead of just giving maybe an extra time to your parents, an extra wish to your parents. That is going to make you have more consequences to level up or balance up your own family, your own children, life and so on.
Speaker 1:That will be a bad example that will show your children in the future that it's okay to compromise on us, it's okay to do this for just pleasing your parents, so they will ultimately grow thinking that they have to please you and it's okay for them to compromise on their own children and that's not okay. That's not okay Because then they are going to do that. They will do that to facilitate the situation, but then you understand that it's going to have a very long-lasting issue. Maybe your spouse is not going to be happy. That might lead to have conflict, that might lead to have, ultimately, separation and issues and again, who's going to suffer? The children. So that's also, again, not a good example.
Speaker 1:So here in this episode, speaking of all this, I'm I'm encouraging people and mainly the, the overall support system, which is one of the closest is actually your own close family of origin to help your children. So help those mothers, help those fathers okay, the new fathers and new mothers that are going to build a new family to be facilitated in this family, to be facilitated in this, and you understand that, the more your family of origin has an understanding towards you, towards your situation, towards your partner, coming from a different reality and trying to um understand this new dynamic, this new you being a daughter, being a mother, being everything. So trying to give you as as much understanding and less of an issue would facilitate you and would bring more happiness in your life and ultimately also in their life, because every parent wants their children to be happy. They don't want them to struggle. They don't want to have to see them going through divorces, having to see their own grandchildren suffering through one or another family or struggles. So it's a big responsibility that families of origin have and carry towards their children and carry towards their children and their children at that time when they are able to give them that kind of freedom or understanding where their limits are, where they cannot become the reason for the children to have issues or conflict, the reason for the children to have issues or conflict.
Speaker 1:That's where you as a new mother, you as a parent, you as a woman, can also show your children the right example of how you take care of your own parents or your previous generation. And I would say this is beautiful if you are able to do it my, my parents I'm the youngest in my family and my parents are very old, very, very old, um, this much that they are as old as my husband's grandparents. So just to give you an example of how old my parents are and for them currently the situation is such as they are very limited and they need a lot of support, and it's important to give them that Also because you know, with your parents growing and being very old like mine, you never know. Anything can happen anytime. But if your parents are young, then these are not the thoughts that you have in your mind, so you can afford not to think about it.
Speaker 1:But when your parents are very old and they're aging, you start thinking critically because you understand that all the time that you spend with them could be the last. All the memories that you're building at this stage could be the last ones. So it's important for you to build that. It's important for you to give that support. It's important for you to build that. It's important for you to give that support. It's important for you to make sure that, if there is something that you can make as a difference for them to live one extra day happier. You want to do it Because it's precious, it's definitely something that would make a difference, but not on the cost of you compromising on your entire life and your entire next generation life. And that's that's basically the key of you understanding that and giving your children that example of you guys come first, this family comes first, and also building that understanding and that example and that role model who is going to show them how to treat your own parents in the future?
Speaker 1:And that's again, like everything, so hard to balance. Finding the perfect balance is almost impossible, but it's easier to get closer to it when all the parties are involved and they are collaborating. So when you know that there is a lot of pressure on you, the pressure can be lowered by the people that you have the most stable relationship with, and unfortunately, most of the time it's not your partner, it's not your children, because, although your own children are so attached to you, their relationship with you and their growth and their development according to that is unstable. So you need to show consistency. You need to be that person who is going to take care of all their emotional situation in time. But you see that that shows that it's not so stable and with your own parents, that relationship is so strong. You know we as mother, you can see it.
Speaker 1:Your children can do anything, anything to you, you'll still be the same mother to them, you'll still love them the same. You're never going to wish bad for them. But ultimately, if you would do bad to your children, that will have consequences into their life. So it's it's it's important to understand this dynamics and it's important to us, as parent, to grow with that, to understand that we are doing a lot for our children and the responsibility towards our children does not end where they are independent and they build their own families, but it actually continues going on, because now we need to make sure that, because of us, our children and their new families are not compromised, but allowing them still to give them that good example of showing what a good son or a good daughter means, without without having to wonder if that good daughter or son is still also a good partner and a good parent, right? So I, again, I would encourage more the again, I would encourage more the the parents here, so the grandparents here, to help your own children in fulfilling their role as mothers, as fathers, as partners as well as they can, without creating issues or even unconsciously, some situations where there are more challenges.
Speaker 1:So, that said, um, I hope, first of all, that you guys enjoyed the episode, and it was not something that was just so obvious, but it would actually make you think and rethink about which kind of situation you are in and what you should do more if you feel like you're not doing enough towards your own parents and family, and where you actually need to give more priority to your own new family. So both are important. That said, guys, this is where the episode is ending, but I'll be back next week with a new episode of Once a Mother, always a Mother. Please keep on following, downloading new episodes, go back, check the previous one and share, share as much as you can so more people get to access to all this information, more people will start thinking, more people will create the change we have inside us. So that's that, guys. I'll see you next week. Take care till then, bye.