Once a Mother always a Mother
Once a Mother always a Mother
Equal Parenting in Modern Families
Can the balance of career and home life be truly achieved, or is it just a myth? Today, we explore the complex dynamics of the primary caregiver role, predominantly held by women, and unpack the cultural and biological factors that enforce this norm. Learn how societal expectations often place women at the crossroads of professional aspirations and household duties, while men's roles have been slower to evolve. Despite equal capabilities, why do men still lag in taking on primary caregiving roles, especially in societies that tout gender equality in the workplace?
Join us as we dive into the importance of shared responsibility in child-rearing. The episode highlights the pivotal roles both mothers and fathers play in nurturing and educating their children. Discover actionable strategies for fathers to become more involved in household duties and emotional support, easing the burden on mothers and fostering a healthier environment for children. Mothers will also find valuable tips on reducing stress and continuing their education to provide the best care possible. This episode is a must-listen for anyone striving to create a balanced, supportive family dynamic that nurtures the next generation.
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Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Once a Mother, always a Mother. In today's episode, we will be talking about the role of the primary caregiver, which most of the times happens to be women, women who are mothers. So that's that, without further ado, let's get started Now. Thinking about the role of the primary caregiver, there are a lot of things that come on our mind, and the first thing, or the first image that shows speaking about this role is a mother, is a woman, is the person that is devoted to the house and the people of the house, whether it's their children or their parents, as we discussed in the previous episode, or anybody in need around them or anybody in need around them. So you see that this is a bit of the cultural image and the biological image or identity that women carry, because, biologically, women are made in a way that we are more sensitive, we are more prone to feel emotions in a higher way, or in a higher way as compared to men. We tend to be able to do this job a bit better simply because we are closer to people or the people that we need to take care of. So, with children especially, we are also connected in a very natural way because of being the person that is going to give birth to them, but also for those women or those couples that decide to adopt a child or to take care for the people that are not related to them, there is still this figure of the female person that carries that, let's say, responsibility of taking care of all these people. Now, on one hand, we know that mothers who give birth have that that changes in their bodies, so the hormones that developed and they make her be the person who is going to feel for their children or going to want to take care of them in extensive way, but also for those other areas where she is the one who can go on extra level and do that work, it's mainly a woman, it's still always a woman. But why is it so, although men are also capable, fully capable of doing that if they were to, so they can also carry the load of taking care of a child or taking care of their old parents or anybody else who in need in their family or outside the family in the very same ways. Right, so they can do exactly the same jobs if they were to, or maybe also in a very efficient way.
Speaker 1:Again, it's not the case. Most or majority of the time is a woman, although we've seen that there are some homestaying fathers that are doing all the different tasks given for taking care of somebody, and also doing it in a very good way, and also doing it in a very good way. So why in in the society, this, this image, fall on the shoulder of a woman most of the time? Why is it that, although most of men and women, especially in the developed societies, can tell proudly that there is an equality to reach men, whether it's for what is their professional image out there, so trying to be as career-oriented and as successful as men are in providing also within the family, by doing a job and bringing money within the household and bringing money within the household, but still in the level of or in the situation of the house, of taking care of the people in the house, men don't always match. Men don't always go the extra mile to reach women in their jobs of being mothers, of taking care of everything that carries around taking care of a child, and that's not just taking care of the child itself, it's also doing all the houseworks and all the things that are needed to be done for the well-being of not just the kids but also the overall family. So we see that here men don't match, don't always match.
Speaker 1:Okay, I'm not going to speak about every man in the on on in the face of this earth. I'm going to speak about the majority, which is the case. But of course, um, there there is very little interest from from a man perspective to be doing mainly what they do, so providing, as a father of the of the family, um, doing a full-time job, coming back home and also carrying all the other responsibility of the house and in the family. That's a lot and that's a lot. That's awesome. That's that's not always rewarding, that's not always fun to do right. And at the job you sort of get the, the direct reward, and and by reaching your, your goals, you see that you are growing in time and that's that's somehow very appealing to a man and also a woman to to go through that. And of course, that doesn't apply on all the jobs. A lot of people are not in in jobs where they feel they're very motivated personally, but it's just about the, the sort of the monetary reward that they're getting, so the money. So they need to do that, but also that is coming constantly to them. So there is a different level of motivation to do that.
Speaker 1:And now coming back home and doing all the rest, which is a never-ending job. So for a man, to seeing the reality of the normal society we are living in, where they just go to work, just I don't want to put this as as diminishing their worth, but just comparing to life of a woman, especially working women, of a person that goes to work, comes back and end of the story. Now they're done, done. Now their day is over. They did all they needed to do and now they have earned the possibility to rest, to sleep or to do anything they want, because now it's their time, right? But for a woman, that's not the same. For her to match to a man, she needs to go out, she needs to find a job, she needs to start earning money, being productive at work and do all they need to do to match. But once they're back in the house, no man is matching, right. So, and again, no man is matching doesn't mean everybody is the same, but we're speaking about majority. Now why women end up doing so much more trying to match with a man that is not matching with them by default.
Speaker 1:It's a cultural understanding that the responsibility in the house is just a woman. So now, thinking about that woman who is at home she just delivered a kid, she's just had a baby, she's now a mother. So her responsibility is not just about her now a mother, so her responsibility is not just about her, about the couple or the house that they are building together, but also towards this new life which is totally dependent on her. Now the husband is working, is doing all the job and so on outside, but now she's matching also with that, or trying to, with the limited timing or possibility. She has to work part-time, full-time, whatever the situation is like, and still, once she did that, she comes back home. She doesn't earn to rest or to have the time for herself. She still needs to take care of that child. She still needs to take care of the house responsibilities. She still needs to do a lot more before even thinking about herself.
Speaker 1:So you see that all this is a natural natural, which is not even natural anymore because of all these things that come in place, this natural responsibility that comes on the shoulder of a woman, are not letting her do it. You know, do that job or carry that job as a primary caregiver in an efficient way, because all the other duties of working outside, doing all the chores in the house, doing or, and also also not just the job, not just the work, not just the hours of being absent because of this isn't that but also all those um accumulative stress level that she is, she's catching from all these activities and she's bringing back home, are going to make it harder on her to give to those children or to those people a better quality of time, a better quality of nurturing or doing anything that she needs to do to be a good primary caregiver. And unfortunately, the odds here are the fact that anything that happens to the child, anything and now we speak about, let's say, just about the children itself, because the primary caregiver we all know is the one that sort of create that or give the traits of that little person to become an adult with those issues or emotional intelligence that they would develop. So, whatever that outcome is, there is a lot to do with the primary caregiver quality. So now the responsibility comes to that person. Mainly and mainly we're speaking it is a woman. How is she going to, let's say, carry all that and still doing it in a very good way. I wonder, I really wonder how many men out there and also women okay, also women question themselves about it in in modern societies, women are very, very tentative in trying to be independent, trying to show how strong they are, trying to show how competitive they are, and again, the competition, or the the trying to leveling up, is to match men. And in all this they forget that there are some other responsibilities that there are even bigger in their lives, because it's going to impact somebody else's future and the society, the way we're going to have in that future that those children are going to grow. So that impact is huge. It's way bigger than what carries their own life.
Speaker 1:As you know, I am a working woman, I'm independent, I I look good, I feel good and you know this is my life. Although those things are, they are not as important as the job you're doing as a mother, as the job you're doing as a primary caregiver. Now, some women do it because of a personal choice and some women do it because they have to. Now let's speak about the ones that have to, speaking about them. They are forced to be in that situations because there is a lacking, on the other hand, whether there is a separation in the family. So she is alone and she has to do it. And again, I'm very against separation and divorces because of the very same reason that the issues are carried in the next generation, especially if there are children. That is the data impact that you're going to give to the next generation.
Speaker 1:But if there is no separation and still there is another party that is not giving or helping enough to provide that woman, that mother of their child, to be able to lower their load of responsibility and to give space to a better quality of providing that care to those children that is, their own children, to make sure that they are growing into better human being, good human being, very well developed adults. It should be the same, I'd say motivation or also wish from from a male perspective to not just from a female perspective, which, biologically, because the hormones changing and everything has this willingness and wish to just take care of that child. So you see that where a woman naturally would do all those things, a man would not exactly the same way, and there is a lack of education or understanding for all those men in this society. The better family, have their jobs and they feel like that's all they did and that's a lot more than they should. It's not. It's not enough, unfortunately it's not enough.
Speaker 1:And trying to understand that this is a very crucial and important role that a woman needs to carry being the primary caregiver it's important that they do fulfill their role to the extent that they can, whether it's working full-time, trying to be the one that are providing food in the house, where even that doesn't become a burden on the woman that needs to go to work and she's forced to do it because they need money. And, on the other hand, that if he comes back home now, this is not his time, it's not what he actually earned. Now is the time for him to help. Now is the time for him to lower also that never-ending constant job of a woman to stay after a kid from her shoulder so she's happier, so she's more relieved, so she's less stressed. So all of that is going to reflect on the level of the, or the quality of the given care to those children.
Speaker 1:And you see that it's very easy to move away from your own responsibility, but here you see that parents both have this huge responsibility towards the children, and the father has a lot of responsibility towards the mother, to make sure that that, that that quality of responsibility given to the children is intact, is good, is not being compromised on things that maybe shouldn't be. So this is where I, by speaking about that, conclude that the primary caregiver has a lot of things, or has a lot to do with what the future of those children as adults will look like within their personalities, but that also is influenced by the circumstances that a woman is raising those children or is educating those children. Because of that, that responsibility follows also on the father's shoulder and on the possibility or in the ability for him to recognize what his main role is within this, this family, uh triangle, of him being the one to take care of the mother, for the mother to take care of the children in the best ways possible, and here I would encourage not just men to understand, to learn, to get all those information before becoming even fathers. A lot of people, a lot of men, a lot of couples, go out there and try to learn about how the pregnancies are, how the delivery would be, what are the things that they need to do, maybe help in massage and so on to relieve the pain for the woman who is carrying their child in that moment. But they don't go beyond that and actually try and search and trying to understand, trying to educate themselves on what it means to become a father, and not just in terms of how children are raised, what are the good things that they can do by taking them out and about and give them the experiences and things and other things which will come in the future.
Speaker 1:But from the very first moment that the woman is carrying the child, or even before that, because also the stress, as we've all spoken about in the first episode of Once a Mother, the stress level or the way a woman is living her life, is already influencing her in even conceiving a child. So that starts way before even having a child or conceiving a child. So your work as a father, as a man, is to facilitate your woman, to give her that kind of life and that kind of comfort. And it doesn't mean that you have to do huge amount of hours out there to bring a lot of money so she can have everything, but it means to care about all the things that are stressing her in a healthy and good way and also lowering up all the things that are stressing her in a healthy and good way and also lowering up all the responsibilities in the house and not thinking that that is primarily her job, and especially afterwards, once they have children, because now she's the mother, she's the house staying mother, for example, and she has to do all those things. So that is even more of a duty that she carries. So she, she, needs even more support and help.
Speaker 1:So please try to understand that you guys carry a huge responsibility towards those women and those women carries that responsibility towards the children, and it's not just one way or another, it's, it's a teamwork, it's really a teamwork. And, on the other hand, I would encourage all those women who are in those roles to do all they can, okay, to try and find ways that lower their stress level, to lower also the burden of the responsibilities they carry and they can fully invest in a good quality of giving that love, giving that concern, giving that educated input to the children and educated again. I'll just encourage them, as a mother, to keep learning, keep understanding what's behind all the problems that they can have today's life. Internet is available for everybody and it's it's such an easy way to understand what are the factors that can impact somebody's well-being and in such societies, I feel like it's.
Speaker 1:It's such disappointment to see a lot of people still struggling with some issues that are being covered by multiple articles, scientific articles and I'm not speaking about social media or even my podcast. I'm not here to give all the information of all the problems that anybody would have in certain timing. I'm here to just help people to gain some or acknowledge their areas in life that are lacking of maybe a better understanding, maybe some education, maybe some information, and we all have those moments and we all have those spaces in our life when we come to a point and we realize and we wish we knew those things before. So for my end, it's just an encouragement to please take their life in your hands, because it's very important.
Speaker 1:Being a mother is a huge responsibility. You have a responsibility towards yourself, as we all have as individuals, but a mother has a huge and even bigger responsibility towards the children and to how the society is changing within the next generation being raised in certain ways. So, seeing all this and being being conscious about how important is your role as a kid, as a primary caregiver, please help yourself. Please put the barrier where you should of the burdens, of the stress, of the negative things that are impacting the quality of your education and your care to your children. So be the person that is going to acknowledge all the things that you need to give the best to your children and help these women to do that job in a very good way for all the people that are around them, mainly the father of those children, because it's again, it's also their responsibility for it, but also for us as a society. We should totally support all the women that are full-time women so sorry, full-time mothers and they want to do that in a good way. There is no shame, there is no bad or good in having to work, not having to work, wanting to work or preferring to stay home, but whatever makes that woman feel relieved, feel good, feel really good this is the only word I would say that would make her give a better quality of care. So it's important to support yourself, to support those women and to acknowledge why this is so important. So that's that.
Speaker 1:I would just say this is where our episode is finishing.
Speaker 1:That's sad, um, I just say this is where our episode is finishing, but I I really hope also today there were some aha moments and and and for everybody out there to start thinking. There is always a moment of taking a step back and start thinking what we did and what we would not want to do in the future, or we would not want our children to do in the future, and if in this episode, you also have that moment, I would feel like I I did something which made a difference. So please keep on sharing all the episodes, including this one, with all the people that you know to acknowledge these changes, to try to make everybody aware of what can be done further in their lives or in a better way in their lives, and for these children in the future. In the future, and I will be back. I will be back next week with another episode of once a mother, always a mother. I hope you guys enjoyed this one. Until then, have a great day, great week, take care bye.