hello everybody and welcome back to whispers in reggae, except it's not whispers in reg 8. This is the great cake caper. A goblin quest. Uh, today is the birthday of one of our players. Uh, I can't remember if we use your name or not on this show.
Speaker 2:The one who controls shimmer noelle?
Speaker 1:noelle. There we go, uh, but it is their birthday, and so, instead of uh jumping into reg 8, today we will be doing something special, and we will be running through an effectively bastardized version of Goblin Quest, where the team will be doing their best to steal the world's greatest birthday cake.
Speaker 3:Don't forget to come by the Reg 8 server and wish a happy birthday or leave a comment on whatever service this is on. Oh yeah, that too.
Speaker 1:We really appreciate it, and the more we get, the bigger a collage we can make. It really makes her up. So with that we're going to jump in and we find ourselves sitting outside of a tavern. It is currently late at night and there are four goblins hiding in the bushes outside the frog leg tavern. Thaddeus, would you like to introduce your goblins?
Speaker 5:Why yes, yes, I would. I am Supa de Campbell.
Speaker 1:And you carry the Ah yes. The Eldritch Arcanum bell, and you carry the Ah yes.
Speaker 5:The Elder Jorkadium's summoning potent, omnipotent, oscillating necromancy.
Speaker 4:What in the fuck is this name?
Speaker 1:Shiver, would you please introduce your goblin clan.
Speaker 2:I am Lord Poseidon of the Seacrest Clan and I carry the Great Trident of the Seven Seas.
Speaker 1:Mav, would you like to introduce yours?
Speaker 7:Oi, name's Claude Mawth Hitchtooth, and I be the best jumper of all the Hitchtooths, not even by a small amount, by a very large amount, and I carry the Skybreaker wow, that was you win.
Speaker 4:All my goblins just committed seppuku if the next goblin could introduce themselves, please, please oh, I'm dead, please oh god damn it well, I didn't want to go first, by the way we'll take it.
Speaker 1:Ah, alright, deep breath, deep breath. If the last goblin clan could introduce themselves, please.
Speaker 4:I have the bag of ghosting. Okay, Everybody's got these fucking extraordinary fucking names for all their shit and I have the bag.
Speaker 1:I feel a bit of junk with an epic name.
Speaker 5:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So if the bag of ghosting is the best epic name that you could come up with, that's on you. Anyway, the four clans have come together on this night because tomorrow is the Goblin Lord's birthday, and they only have this evening to procure the world's greatest birthday cake. Unfortunately, they know not where it is to be found, and so they have come to this tavern in hopes of gathering information.
Speaker 7:Information. We ain't here for information, we're here for a birthday cake.
Speaker 1:What would you like to do? You're currently in the bushes outside of the tavern.
Speaker 5:So inside there is what we need. How do we proceed?
Speaker 4:I got this.
Speaker 3:Alright, what's your plan?
Speaker 4:You think they'll walk in through the front door.
Speaker 5:Okay, yes A dastardly good plan, never expected. Alright, what's your plan? You think they'll walk in through the front door, okay, yes, a dastardly good plan, never expected Okay.
Speaker 1:As the first McWheezy, if you could go ahead and tell me your specialty and your quirk.
Speaker 4:My specialty is that I am very charismatic and even better, so I can have some goblins Of pretty much anything, and my quirk is that I am constantly coughing up flour All the time. The bag of ghosting Is also a bag of flour that is constantly leaking and seems to never run out of flour.
Speaker 1:Okay, and you, as a goblin, are just going to walk in the front door of the Frog Leg Tavern.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and roll me the first d6. Three. You walk up to the tavern door like fully confident You've convinced your allies you are ready for this and the door doesn't open as you push on it. Yeah, it seems to be it. It opens a little bit, but it seems to be too heavy for you I am.
Speaker 4:I'm like basically fighting the door, trying to get it open.
Speaker 1:Yeah, alright, so you're going to press on.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:Okay, Go ahead and roll me one more. D6. Five A five, Pushing forward with all your strength. The door suddenly flies inward and you stumble across the threshold as somebody from the inside has pulled the door open in an attempt to leave. You guys watch as your goblin friend. Just it looks like they get sucked into the front door of the space.
Speaker 4:Which one am I?
Speaker 5:He has successfully opened the door Quick After him.
Speaker 4:Which goblin am I?
Speaker 1:I don't know. That's your decision.
Speaker 4:Well, I guess I'm going to climb up onto here.
Speaker 1:You're going to climb up onto the table.
Speaker 4:On the table actually.
Speaker 1:Okay, so as the people are leaving, you jump up onto the table A goblin who is very charismatic and is spitting flour.
Speaker 4:Effectively yes.
Speaker 1:You have currently drawn the attention of no less than five patrons of the tavern.
Speaker 4:With my sack in my hand. That sounds bad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, with your sack in your hand.
Speaker 4:I probably don't even speak common do I Is that an ability your goblin has. It's not something that I specifically said I have, so no.
Speaker 1:Hang on, we'll call a vote here real quick. Does everyone think that their goblins will speak common? No.
Speaker 2:I think Poseidon would, and I think two of my goblins would, and the rest probably wouldn't.
Speaker 1:Got it, so occasionally the goblins will be able to speak common. I will leave that up to you guys.
Speaker 4:Since my specialty is convincing people, I guess I speak common.
Speaker 1:Okay, I will accept that you currently have the attention of six patrons of this bar. You are standing on a table spitting up flour.
Speaker 4:I demand cake.
Speaker 1:They are going to stare at you and the person who opened the door, who is currently standing behind you, is going to reach out for you. There are your goblin friends here, campbell's, seacrest, itchtooth. What are you up to?
Speaker 2:I'm scurrying into the building.
Speaker 1:Yes, the door is open. You're scurrying in, okay. You guys scurry into the doorway Two. The door is open. You're scurrying in. Yep, you guys scurry into the doorway. Two additional goblins. You see McWheeze standing on the table shouting at the patrons of this bar, drawing the attention of all the people in the room, and some of them stand up holding weapons. It seems they are not appreciative of being yelled at.
Speaker 2:That's not good. I would like to scurry back out.
Speaker 1:You have passed a commoner holding the door twice, so go ahead and roll me a d6 to see if you can scurry back out before the door closes.
Speaker 2:Four.
Speaker 1:Yes, that is a success. So you make it back out as the door closes and that leaves the Campbells and McWheezy in the tavern.
Speaker 5:Soup de Campbell's is currently in the process of casting Mold Earth. However, it is not the Mold Earth that you're familiar with. It just basically makes things moldy.
Speaker 1:Okay, and what would you like to do with this spell? I would like to cast. What are you making, moldy?
Speaker 5:I am making the ground in front of the closest commoner with their weapon drawn Moldy.
Speaker 1:Okay, trying to throw up some difficult terrain. All right, go ahead and roll me a d6. That's going to be a 6. A 6. That is an extreme success. That is an extreme success. So you cast your spell in front of the first commoner that has their weapon drawn, but you cast your spell just a little bit too hard and you watch as a 15-foot section all around you becomes moldy ground Slime, mold, slime, mold, got it?
Speaker 4:Oh, it's all slippery, effectively grease.
Speaker 1:It's all on the ground, not on the table that you're currently standing on. No, but anybody attempting to get to, you will have to keep their balance.
Speaker 5:Haha, puny mortals. I am the greatest druid, which, by the way, he is a druid, but he cannot actually say this. Spell components. He has no verbal spell components and he has no material spell components, as his only possession is his wooden spoon.
Speaker 1:Gotcha. All right, the door is closed behind you. The commoner is reaching out to grab you. While this is going on, itchtooth, you are still hiding in the bush outside, having not made a move.
Speaker 2:What are you up to? I'd like to point out that Lord Poseidon has now jumped into the bushes and is now making his way back to Itchtooth.
Speaker 1:Got it.
Speaker 7:Lord Poseidon ran in, saw the commotion and ran out let me show you why I am the best jumper of all the H2s and our good friend Clogmorth.
Speaker 3:Yeah, our good friend Clogmorth is going to use his skybreaker to jump onto the roof. Okay, the skybreaker is a pogo stick.
Speaker 1:Alright, as that is your family heirloom, go ahead and roll me two d6s.
Speaker 3:He's also the best jumper in the clan. That's his perk. Then roll me three d6s Three fives, three fives Three fives.
Speaker 1:I will count that as an extreme success. So you, you're staring at, you're staring at Seacrest. You tell them why you're the best that you are. You jump up onto your skybreaker and with a single bounce, you have bounded to the roof of this tavern.
Speaker 3:Boing, boing, boing. I would imagine they're just jumping on the roof.
Speaker 4:Now, it just sounds like there's a bunch of fucking slamming and clattering onto the roof, like there's a hundred goblins out there.
Speaker 1:Oh, there areattering onto the roof like there's a hundred goblins out there. Oh, there are noises on the roof. Itchtooth, you are on the roof. What are you doing up here?
Speaker 3:He's looking for a way in, fogmorth, is looking for a way to get inside and it probably is the chin.
Speaker 1:Most likely. There are three options for you to get inside there is a closed skylight, there is a chimney and there is a trapdoor hatch. A trapdoor hatch Like an attic hatch, you know, like it lifts up into the space.
Speaker 3:Let's go for the trap door seems like the smart option. However, clogmorth is not smart person. He has immense hubris is his quirk, and he shall go for the skylight, got it?
Speaker 1:so you walk in, uh, you, you bound. You bounce over to the middle of this roof, uh, where there is a closed skylight. Are you opening it or are you bouncing through? Bouncing through? All right, go ahead and roll me, I'd say. I'd say two d6, because you're trying to break something down. Uh, two and a a one, two. Ooh, that is an extreme failure. You break through the glass, but you were not prepared for it and, as your Skybreaker, what you expected to bounce you up because it is a pogo stick and it is spring-loaded instead shoots out from under your feet and you receive one of your two damages as you get cut on the glass, but you do manage to keep your feet as you land on a table amongst five of the other patrons of this bar. You are prone on the table, but you are technically alive, nice.
Speaker 3:An unmit on the table, but you are technically alive. Nice, an unmitigated success. I would say no, that is.
Speaker 1:Alright Campbell McWeezy. People are stalking towards you with their weapons. They are a bit wary of the slime mold floor, so they cannot quite reach you. There is still one behind you. What would you like to do?
Speaker 4:I demand a cake and no one gets ghosted. I hold up my sack.
Speaker 1:Would you consider this an attempt of persuasion or intimidation?
Speaker 4:Persuasion.
Speaker 1:You're trying to persuade them like this? All right, so I will say that that will count towards your charming effect. So give me two D6s.
Speaker 4:That's a six and a three.
Speaker 1:All right, that is an extreme success and a failure. The extreme success of course cancels out the failure. But uh, someone is going to shout out there's no cakes here, they serve pies. What?
Speaker 4:I need a cake. We're gonna find a cake I don't know.
Speaker 1:It's the middle of the night. The bakeries are closed.
Speaker 4:Where's the bakeries Out in the town? Well, as I hop off the table, I guess immediately land onto the Onto the slime mold floor.
Speaker 1:So give me 1d6 for your landing.
Speaker 4:You fall prone, but you are uninjured.
Speaker 1:Give me 1d6 for your landing. Great, you fall prone but you are uninjured. You just fall in the slime Seacrest Clan. You are still outside Watching through a window. Yeah, all right. You have seen the Itch Tooth fall through the skylight. You've seen Mixweezy jump off the table and land flat on their back, and you see Campbell's, their hands still up, prepared to cast the next spell, should they need to. What would you like to do?
Speaker 2:Did I hear the whole? There's no cake here. Yes, I am going to try and open an escape route for the others, because if there's no cake here, there's no cake here.
Speaker 1:All right, how would you like to do that?
Speaker 2:I have no idea Go for a window. I mean I am already looking through a window.
Speaker 1:Would you like to try and open the window or maybe break the window?
Speaker 2:I'm going to try and open the window. Maybe break the window or I'm gonna try and open the window.
Speaker 1:Alright. Do you have any special powers, quirks or items that could help you open this window?
Speaker 2:Is it white outside?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Then no.
Speaker 1:Alright, so give me 1d6 as you try and open this window 3. You try and the window jiggles a little bit and you manage to slide it up maybe two or three inches, but it gets stuck and you can see that there are flip out locks at the top of it to prevent, like children, escaping.
Speaker 2:In a tavern.
Speaker 1:Safety first, to prevent children escaping In a tavern Safety first.
Speaker 2:There is now cursing and the gut from Lord Poseidon.
Speaker 4:In Gawain, of course.
Speaker 2:In every language.
Speaker 1:So you're kind of shouting out loud she's a polyglot. The patron of the tavern, who is sitting next to the window, hears you, looks over, sees that you're trying to open the window and slams it shut.
Speaker 2:How rude, that is very rude.
Speaker 1:Alright, campbell, sorry, campbells.
Speaker 5:Campbells, ah, with my mighty Eldritch Arcanum, hang on. What can I say? It's a teaspoon that has a mouth full of a name. With my mighty Eldritch Arcanum summoning Potent, ominent, oscillating necromancy. And I know I've got that name wrong, but it doesn't matter. I shall cast THUNDERCLAP.
Speaker 1:Okay, and what exactly is Thunderclap? Uh to Kaambel.
Speaker 5:Uh, it's just clapping his hands.
Speaker 1:Alright, alright. Uh, you start clapping your hands violently. Roll me a d6, that's gonna be a four. Uh, that is a success. You start clapping your hands, um, right after mcwheezy had jumped off the table and, uh, fell on their butt. Mc Wheezy, you think Campbell is sarcastically clapping at you for your successful landing? He's also not paying attention to the commoner who is standing within arm's reach, who grabs him by the scruff of the neck and throws him out the door.
Speaker 4:Since the door is open, I will attempt to scurry out the door.
Speaker 1:Alright, you are currently standing on slime mold, so roll me a d6 for scurrying.
Speaker 4:One.
Speaker 1:That is an extreme failure. You manage to claw your way up onto your feet. You go to take a step and you fall flat on your face, taking one bludgeoning damage as you slam your head on the floor. Now, remember, each of your goblin has two health. So you are now at half health, Right Itch Tooth. You are lying flat on a table surrounded by broken glass and five people who are upset that you have interrupted their drinks. What would you like to do?
Speaker 3:He's also heard that there is no cake here, so obviously he's got to leave. He also notices that Seacrest Fogmorth is laying on his back. He's looking at that window, that the Seacrest clan assistant is opening the window, so he's going to go straight for that window using the pogo stick to bounce through. Got it, you? Okay, I'm going to Give me.
Speaker 1:Give me three D6. Please, as you bounce towards a window that is being slammed shut.
Speaker 3:Do we just report the highest, or is it all of them?
Speaker 1:You need all of them, because some cancel each other out. Five, four and two Got it. No critical failures. So you do have two successes over the one failure. Would you like to break through the window? Yeah, got it. As the window gets slammed shut, you watch as Itch Tooth jumps up onto the table, his pogo stick propelling him forward at insane speeds, and he crashes through the space without injuring himself this time. And that leaves only McWheezy still in the tavern.
Speaker 7:Glory to the Itch Tooth clan. I'm going to still try to scurry out the door. Only McWheezy still in the tavern. Glory to the H-Tooth.
Speaker 4:Klon, I'm still trying to scurry out the door.
Speaker 1:You're going to try and scurry out the door again, McWheezy.
Speaker 4:Yes.
Speaker 1:Okay. Do you have any way of aiding yourself? Maybe Flour?
Speaker 5:to absorb the slime mold.
Speaker 4:Oh, that's true. My sack is constantly exhuming flour.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you want to put flour on the ground and absorb the slime?
Speaker 4:Yes, I'm going to hit the ground.
Speaker 1:Got it Okay, so give me two d6s this time.
Speaker 4:A six and a three.
Speaker 1:That is an extreme success over a mild failure. So you slam the flower onto the ground and it puffs up into a massive cloud and as it settles it absorbs enough of the slime that you're able to make your getaway. As the door is closing behind you, you can hear the people just coughing and sputtering. You have escaped the tavern. They told you there was no cake in there.
Speaker 4:Yeah, so we gotta head into town, okay.
Speaker 1:How would you like to conduct this Campbell's? Yes, you guys have all heard that there is no cake in there, so we'll go down the list and see what your guys' plan is. So, campbells, how would you go about finding where there is cake? We?
Speaker 5:must find somebody and hold them until they tell us where the cake is.
Speaker 2:Yes, indeed, None can withstand the might of the sea. Throw them in the river, they shall In the water, they shall talk.
Speaker 1:Well, Itchtooth, now that you have escaped and you know there is no cake in there, how would you go about hunting down cake?
Speaker 7:I can jump higher than anyone else and I can see the cake from above.
Speaker 1:Okay, so just so I'm keeping track of things here. K'am Bells wants to kidnap somebody, seacrest wants to throw them in the river, itch Tooth believes that they, if they jump high enough, they will be able to see the cake and lead you to it, and McWheezy wants to head off into town in an unknown direction and hope they stumble across a bakery. Yeah, that sounds about right. Right, so let's have a little roll-off here. Everybody roll me a D6, and we shall see which plan we'll start with.
Speaker 2:Technically, the Seacrest clan is in alignment with the Campbell clan.
Speaker 5:That is true.
Speaker 2:I rolled a 4.
Speaker 5:I got a nat 1.
Speaker 1:3. I'm going to roll a quick d6 here. That's a 3. Wow, seacrest, did you get a 4? Is that what you said?
Speaker 2:yeah, I got a four excellent as the only success.
Speaker 1:You believe that your best option is to kidnap somebody and the most people whose whereabouts that you know of are inside this tavern but there is no water in the tavern and that is a major part of the plan is to throw them in the water. That is true. Maybe there's water in the kitchen. They should have a sink or a pail or a bucket or something right?
Speaker 2:Yes, we shall go to the kitchens where there is water and make them tell us where the cake is. Yes, yes, good plan.
Speaker 1:All right, you make your way. You know that the front door is now being watched and as you creep along, you glance in the windows, looking, looking, looking, until you catch a glimpse of the kitchen on the other side of the tavern. You can see that there is a door, a back door, out into the kitchen. And as you come along the edge of the tavern, you can see that there is a door, a back door, out into the kitchen. And as you come along the edge of the tavern, you find it. Yes, how would you like to handle this?
Speaker 2:We need to make sure we get in, but that no one else gets in.
Speaker 5:Indeed, Considering that it worked so well last time. Uh, Soup de Campbell will be casting Thunderclap.
Speaker 1:Okay, roll me a d6. He got a four. Okay. As Soup stands there clapping at the back door, suddenly it pulls open A very confused-looking individual in an apron smelling sickly sweet like sugars and frostings is standing there standing there staring at you, just wide-eyed and shocked. We demand cake. The location of cake. There's no cake here. You lie your smell of cake. We just make pies, and where?
Speaker 2:did I get cake.
Speaker 1:You must know where you get cake so, uh, being entirely convinced that this particular person, if nothing else, knows where the cake is, I believe your original plan was to kidnap them. How would you like to do that?
Speaker 2:Lord Poseidon's quirk is that he can somewhat control water Not to the extent that he would like to and he is convinced that it's because his great trident is broken. But that is also why he is convinced he is Lord Poseidon.
Speaker 1:Okay. So if there is water around, yes, being attuned to water in such a way, you would see that there is a large pot. Currently Looks like they're prepping for a vegetable soup, maybe, but there is a large pot of water sitting on the middle table right behind the individual standing in front of you.
Speaker 2:I would like to use a desert rope. The water is rope.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you can control water and you're using your trident, so give me three d6s uh, two, two and a four you try really hard and you can see the the water in this pot start coming out. Uh. But as it starts coming out, you get a look at it and it's like it's brown, it's full of vegetables. Oh no, this isn't water anymore, it's soup stock and it plops back into the pot.
Speaker 2:Lord Poseidon is very offended. You contaminated the water Itchtooth. You watched your companions go around the back door offended, you contaminated the water, uh, itch Tooth.
Speaker 1:You watched your companions go around the back door towards the back of the tavern, looking for someone to kidnap. What have you been up to?
Speaker 3:Jumping as high as he can to see if there's any birthday cake that he can see. You're gonna keep bouncing, just keep bouncing, looking around.
Speaker 1:So, while they're trying to figure out how to Kidnap him, go ahead and give me your 3d6, 6-6-4, 6-6 and wow. That is two extreme successes and a regular success. It only takes you a few bounces and you find yourself higher in the sky than you thought you'd ever gotten before. You are definitely at your personal best and you start looking around throughout the city and you look, and you look and you can see, suddenly there is smoke Coming from a chimney and as you bounce higher and higher, you can see the name On the front of the shop that it's a bakery and tea shop. Those are two things that have cakes involved.
Speaker 7:Oh you lot, I've done it. I've seen where the birthday cake is Come this way you shout towards your companions.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and roll me a d6 because you are a little full of yourself. So we'll see how loud your voice is five all right with a five. As you come back down, you start shouting that you can see where the cake is and, having been unsuccessful in uh wrapping uh water ropes around this particular individual in the kitchen cambell and Seacrest. You hear Itchtooth shouting that he can see where the cake is. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7:Brogue Mothby.
Speaker 5:Itchtooth sees the cake.
Speaker 2:We shall go to the cake and he will, and Poseidon will kind of do that like I'm looking at you gesture before running off. Quick, I shall cover our tracks.
Speaker 5:And then he'll cast Mold Earth again.
Speaker 1:Okay, roll me a d6 as you're leaving, roll me two d6 as you're leaving, a one and a three. That is an extreme and a regular failure. K'ambel, you cast Mold Earth and the person sees it spreading from you and he says no, not in the kitchen. And he kicks you as hard as he can in an attempt to move you away. Before the spell is complete, you take one point of bludgeoning damage and your spell, unfortunately, is interrupted.
Speaker 5:He has disrupted the magics. He must be very powerful.
Speaker 1:But yeah, Itchtooth has seen a bakery and tea shop. He knows where there is cake. Itch Tooth, would you like to?
Speaker 3:lead them. Fogmorth, Itch Tooth shall start bouncing towards the bakery. Boing, boing, boing boing, boing.
Speaker 5:I'd also like to imagine that that inn is going to be visited by health inspectors the next day and they're going to find mold and soup everywhere, I hope so.
Speaker 4:And flour.
Speaker 5:It's basically going to be shut down.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Okay, you guys have to transverse the neighborhood following Itch Tooth towards the bakery. Now you know that goblins are not allowed in this part of town. That's racist. So you have to be a little bit sneaky as you make your way through. How would you like to do this? Sewers you want to take the sewers?
Speaker 1:I'm gonna turn myself into a ghost but if you take the sewers, you won't be able to see where you're going. That is true, I am going to turn myself into a ghost, but if you take the sewers, you won't be able to see where you're going.
Speaker 4:That is true. I'm going to turn myself into a ghost by flowering myself.
Speaker 1:Okay, Roll me. Your coughing flower, your holding flower and you want to flower? Yeah, give me 3d6 to turn yourself into a ghost.
Speaker 4:Yeah, fuck 3d6 to turn yourself into a ghost. Gosh, Jeff, fuck Alright, hold on A 1, a 2, and a 3. I turned myself into a real ghost.
Speaker 1:McWheezy. You guys watch as McWheezy dumps a bag of flour on their head in an attempt to cover themselves and become a ghost and unfortunately, the additional flour mixed with the flour that is coming out of their mouth gets inhaled and they stop breathing. Mcwheezy falls on the ground dead and their bag of flour is picked up. By who?
Speaker 4:Barley McWeezy.
Speaker 1:What can Barley McWeezy do?
Speaker 4:Barley-based Wheezy. Hold on, I forgot what their stuff is, but I'm very dejected. Well, I'm dead, okay? Oh yeah, he's blind.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, itchtooth, you have to lead your group towards the bakery and as you bounce, you can see that there are many people in your way and one of your friends just died. One of your companions just died I don't know if your friends are not and a new goblin came out of the shadows and picked up their bag. They're, they're ready to go, but they're facing the wrong direction. Oh anyway, how would you like to lead the team to the tea shop?
Speaker 7:I'm gonna do what I always do and I'll keep bouncing through these people.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and give me your 3d6 as you start bouncing through the town leading your group 5-3-2. Okay, you lead your team, uh, down a street you make a turn. You're keeping an eye on the bakery. But you're keeping such an eye on the bakery that you you didn't pay enough attention and you know that if you keep going down this street you're going to bump into a lot of people. But as you get closer you can hear a man shouting on the other side of the fountain Birthday invitation. Birthday invitations. Come get your invitations for the large wizard party this night.
Speaker 2:They'll be celebrating the Goblin Lord's birthday too.
Speaker 7:No, wizards break cliques. Isn't that a thing they do?
Speaker 4:Uh, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 7:I think. I never remember, but I think wizards break cliques.
Speaker 1:It may be. Are you going to go pick up an invitation or are you going to keep leading them to? Are you going to keep leading your team to the bakery tea shop? Let's bounce over and up an invitation. Are you going to keep leading them? Are you going to keep leading your team to the bakery tea shop?
Speaker 3:Let's bounce over and get an invitation.
Speaker 2:I'm going to jump into the fountain.
Speaker 1:Okay, itchtooth and Seacrest. You walk out into the open, one of you jumping into the fountain and the other one bouncing over to the town crier, and all you hear is a scream Ah Goblins. The town crier is going to drop a handful of paperwork and you hear people around you scream and start running away. Ah Goblins, ah Goblins. Somebody call the guards.
Speaker 4:But you currently have a. As you see, barley McWeezy says Goblins when.
Speaker 1:But you currently have a stack of invitations to look through. What would you like to do?
Speaker 2:I'm going to look through them for the location of a birthday cake from within the fountain.
Speaker 1:Okay, you pick up one of the invitations.
Speaker 7:A baker must have wrote these because I can't read a thing.
Speaker 1:Yeah, actually you can't. You look at this and when you open it there's like it's folded but there's nothing on the inside, but there's like kind of a flower symbol glowing on the front. But there's like kind of a flower symbol glowing on the front of the invitation.
Speaker 4:Let me see that, because I try to snatch in a random direction.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're about maybe 10 feet from the group, but go ahead and roll me 2d6 as you try and snatch one of the invitations. That's 6 of the 4. Wow Okay.
Speaker 4:A big wind picks up and blows off one of the invitations from the pile and it blows into the spot where I'm fucking snatching from.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you guys watch as a bunch of invitations fly up into the air and one of them just zooms directly into McWheesey's hand. You're holding an invitation, mcwheesey.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'm looking at it. I'm looking at it sideways, I'm looking at it upside down, I'm looking at it the other sideways. I'm flipping it around.
Speaker 1:Since you're blind, go ahead and roll me 2d6.
Speaker 4:2d6. Yep, I died.
Speaker 1:What did you get? What's that guys, Double what. No, way no way as the winds are blowing, the papers all around McWheezy. Mcwheezy manages to snatch one, but unfortunately gets absolutely decapitated by several others flying just fast enough to take off his scrawny little head.
Speaker 7:I'm starting to believe in that bag of ghosting now.
Speaker 5:Powerful magics indeed.
Speaker 1:But I will say that as this McWheezy dies, a bit of their flower bag does spill out and activates it.
Speaker 4:Activates. Who's your next? Mcwheezy? Oakley Oakley. Oakley McWheezy.
Speaker 1:Alright, another McWheezy comes out of the shadows and picks up the bag of ghosting kind of wiping the blood off and picks up the invitation that they can now attempt to read.
Speaker 3:What can Oakley do?
Speaker 4:Oakley can saw through anything that's made of any sort of wood, with anything, and is conveniently coughing up sawdust all the time. Yeah, okay, so he's great at destroying stuff, but it costs him a random item.
Speaker 1:Alright, oakley, you pick up this invitation and when you open it you can see that there are directions to a wizard's tower. It says it says great birthday bash for the great wizard. We will have dancing, we will have hors d'oeuvres and we will have the greatest birthday cake in the world.
Speaker 4:Oh, that's a wooden platter right there underneath that cake.
Speaker 3:It is.
Speaker 1:It's a beautifully carved mahogany.
Speaker 4:So they're great at destroying anything that's made of wood. However, they're constantly sickly because their diet consists mainly of eating the wooden objects that they carve through.
Speaker 1:But yes, you guys hear Oakley McWheezy say this out loud that if you go to this wizard's tower you can find the greatest birthday cake in the world Self-proclaimed.
Speaker 5:Cake. We must go, we need cake, the best cake.
Speaker 1:Alright, so you currently have two options. You can continue Following Itch Tooth To the bakery, where there might be cake, or you can go To the wizard's tower for the Self-proclaimed greatest birthday cake in the world.
Speaker 3:Itch Tooth is no longer Bouncing towards the bakery. Alright birthday cake in the world.
Speaker 1:Itch Tooth is no longer bouncing towards the bakery. Alright, would you guys like to follow the directions to the Wizard's.
Speaker 4:Tower Directions it's a mistake of mine to only make five goblins.
Speaker 3:We'll throw in a couple more.
Speaker 1:Who would like to lead the party to the Wizard's Tower? Okay, Seacrest.
Speaker 2:How are you leading them? Who would like to?
Speaker 1:lead the party to the wizard's tower. I'll do it. Okay, seacrest, how are you leading them?
Speaker 2:Marching band style.
Speaker 1:Marching band style.
Speaker 2:His expertise is supposed to be leadership, by the way. Excellent. He hasn't done any leader whatsoever so far.
Speaker 1:So why don't you give me two D6 and see how well you lead your group?
Speaker 2:I got a three and a six nice.
Speaker 1:That is an extreme success over a single failure. So that's not a problem, uh, but you managed to lead your team through the space. As you were walking out of the city, you can hear guards running away from where you're walking towards where you were last spotted going goblins goblin attack. We got to get them and you make your way to the wizard's tower. You come to the edge of the wizard's tower and you can see that there are two entrances, one on the left and one on the right. How would you like to handle this?
Speaker 2:It's surrounded by water. It looks like.
Speaker 1:It is. This is the Wizard Tower on the river, a great place for local bands.
Speaker 2:That is perfect, I'm going in the water.
Speaker 1:Okay, go ahead and give me. Let see you control water. You have your staff and you are lord poseidon, so that will be three d6s that is three ones. Oh no you guys watch as lord poseid, ruler of the waves, jumps into the water and is immediately swept away by a much stronger current than they expected. And as it pulls them under, they throw their trident back onto land, knowing that someone else will take up the mantle. Who's next for the Seacrest clan?
Speaker 2:It is Mitchie Seacrest.
Speaker 1:What are Mitchie's capabilities?
Speaker 2:Mitchie Can tell the future, every single one Of their prophecies, though they will have other things in it, it will always end with you shall return to be one with the sea every single time. And so as she walks up and picks up the great trident, she will look up and be like, as I foretold, okay it's bound to be right.
Speaker 3:One of these times, it was right that time.
Speaker 1:Alright, you guys, the group is currently standing On the edge of a river bank. There are two bridges, one on the left, one on the right, that lead towards this wizard tower. Knowing now that the river is much stronger than it looks, how would you like to proceed? Uh, cambell, what would you like to do?
Speaker 5:cambell will attempt to use the only verbal spell that he can kind of muster to get himself across the bank, which is gust.
Speaker 1:Okay, now you can't speak properly. Uh, for your spells. So you're going to be rolling at disadvantage? Yes, so give me three D, six, six three and one, oh no, while that is an extreme success, that is an extreme and a regular failure. No, while that is an extreme success, that is an extreme and a regular failure. Yes, cam Bell casts Gust to cross the bank. Unfortunately, he does not speak the words properly and he only gets the guh of Gust. And he also falls in the water and is swept away.
Speaker 2:As it has been foretold.
Speaker 1:Who is next for the cam bells?
Speaker 5:Ah, this would be condensed, all right.
Speaker 1:Itch Tooth you are currently staring at a wizard's tower be condensed Alright, Uh, Itchtooth, you are currently staring at a wizard's tower that you know has the world's greatest birthday cake in it. How would you like to get there?
Speaker 7:Let me show you how it's done. I'm gonna use Skybreaker and jump across the river into the wizard's tower.
Speaker 1:Uh, yes, there is a window that you can reach, being a wizard's tower. It only seems to be two or three stories tall. It's surprisingly short for a tower. Uh, using your powers, why don't you go ahead and give me a 3d6 332, huh 3 uh 32. I believe you said we are having momentary issues here, so give me a second. It will Leave that in there. Leave the ooh-ooh in there. They brought this upon themselves.
Speaker 4:No.
Speaker 1:Alright Mav with a 3-3-2. That is, unfortunately, a failure. You attempt All right Mav with a three and a two. That is, unfortunately, a failure. You attempt to, you manage to jump over the river and you manage to land on the other side. And you go to leap up into the wizard's tower window when you are bounced away by a semi-invisible force and you land back with your group on the other side of the river, having hit the force field that surrounds the tower, and upon doing so, you notice that there are two clay golems guarding the entrance.
Speaker 4:What was that last part?
Speaker 3:There's two clay golems guarding the entrance.
Speaker 4:Oh was that last part there's two clay golems guarding the entrance.
Speaker 1:Oh cool, I heard it all. You activated the two clay golems that are guarding the entrance as you bounced off of the wizard's force field.
Speaker 7:Nice Couple of mod puppets up there. Don't push me off, it's our receipt.
Speaker 4:Is there a bridge I can walk across?
Speaker 1:Yes, there are two bridges you can walk across.
Speaker 4:Yeah, I'll just walk across the bridge, yeah easy enough.
Speaker 1:It's a bridge. It's designed to be walked across. You guys watch as McWheezy goes over to the road and walks across the bridge.
Speaker 5:He walk bridge, we follow.
Speaker 1:As you get close to the wizard's tower McWheezy, what would you like to do?
Speaker 4:Um well, Do I notice Clay golems?
Speaker 1:You were warned of the clay golems as you um Got close.
Speaker 4:Is there any wood on this building?
Speaker 1:Yes, the roof is made of wood.
Speaker 4:Hey, Skybreaker, get me to the roof. Oh, I can do that.
Speaker 7:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you are going to attempt to bounce another goblin onto the roof with you, so go ahead, and this time I want you to roll me four D sixes, because your own hubris believes you're capable of this.
Speaker 3:Yeah, hubris, six one, four, six Hell yeah, that is two extreme successes.
Speaker 1:Well, yeah, that is two extreme successes. You and McWheezy fly into the sky and land on the roof of the wizard's tower. You can see that from this angle. You can see that the force field does not extend up this high. It only protects the first floor. It keeps people from walking in the front door.
Speaker 4:I will pick up, I will rip a shingle off of the roof here right, and then I will use that shingle to break my way through and into through the ceiling. Okay, as the ceiling is made of wood.
Speaker 1:It is Okay. As the ceiling is made of wood, it is Okay. So I need three d6s from you and something interesting will happen on the event of if you hit a failure.
Speaker 7:And this is why I'm the greatest jumper in all the land.
Speaker 4:I can't believe you're still alive, have we needed it.
Speaker 2:I think I failed. It didn't take any damage until he jumped in there.
Speaker 1:What were your rolls?
Speaker 4:So this is a three and a three and a two.
Speaker 1:Oh no. So you start cutting through the roof of this building, You're cutting through it and you're cutting through it and you cut through the wood, as is your prerogative. But what you were not expecting was that this wood is superficial. The actual roof of the tower is made of stone underneath it. This is an aesthetic choice. What kind of the tower is made of stone Underneath it? This is an aesthetic choice. What kind of jackass wizard built this tower.
Speaker 1:Upon the shouting of your swears, both of the clay golems stop and look up towards the roof.
Speaker 4:I throw a shingle at one of them. Roll me two d6.
Speaker 1:I have a two, A five and a two. Yeah Okay. The shingle embeds itself in the head of one of the clay golems and it stops for a second, but then the clay reforms around it having absorbed the item, and both clay golems let out a bellowing roar.
Speaker 4:Uh, I start throwing more.
Speaker 1:And what you guys see rising up from the back of the wizard's tower. Uh yeah, that's big enough. It's not. You see a large green dragon ahead, rising up from the river behind the wizard's tower. Having heard the roar of the clay golems, its eyes are sleepy. Its lips are smacking. It is ready. It is annoyed of having been woken up.
Speaker 4:We fucked, we so fucked.
Speaker 1:Two of you are still on the bridge having watched this escapade take place, and you can see the head rising out of of the river. What would you like to do?
Speaker 2:I would like to see a way out of this okay okay, you two are fine.
Speaker 4:It's just me and the other guys that are fucked.
Speaker 1:Okay, romy.
Speaker 2:Bitch is also observant as well Fairly very observant as well as being able to see the future.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you are capable of having visions that allow you to see the future. Uh-huh, what is your quirk?
Speaker 2:I thought that was the quirk.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. Okay, so you have a strength a good thing and then a quirk an odd thing Right? So what's the good thing that you have is being able to see the future correct.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, and what's the odd thing that you have?
Speaker 2:That it will always end with this thing ending up in the sea. Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Okay, I gotcha, I gotcha, I gotcha. Yes, so you can see the future that it will always end up with you being back in the sea, got it? Okay, roll me, you're holding your trident correct. Yes, give me 3d6. 1, 2, and a 5 a five while that is a success, that is also an extreme failure, um so you do your best to see a vision that will give you success in this instance and instead all you see is you've been turning to the sea and that's it.
Speaker 1:And you can see that the way through this force field into the wizard's tower is to use the invitation to deactivate the force field. But the clay golems are already angry and you know that by walking past them you are going to be hit and if you get hit hard enough you will end up in the river and it will send you back to the sea.
Speaker 2:It shall always end up back in the sea. Use the invitation.
Speaker 1:So, uh, seacrest and Campbell will run up. Use the invitation that they picked up. Seacrest and Campbell will run up, use the invitation that they picked up. Seacrest will take one bludgeoning from Clay Golem as they run through the forefield and into the front door. Inchtooth and McWeezy, you guys are still on the roof, a dragon is rearing its head behind you and Clay Golems are getting ready to jump up towards you. You heard Seacrest shout to use the invitation. Who has the invitation?
Speaker 4:Seacrest. We all have. Seacrest has the invitation that we got.
Speaker 2:I assume we all picked up different invitations. You guys are still on the roof.
Speaker 1:The dragon is getting closer. One of the clay golems has climbed up the side of the building and is coming towards you. Oh fuck, what's your plan?
Speaker 7:This dragon ain't got nothing on me. I'm the greatest jumper in all the land.
Speaker 4:Oh, what the fuck I jump onto his pogo stick.
Speaker 3:Pogo stick onto the back of the dragon.
Speaker 1:So McWeezy latches on to Itch Tooth McWeezy. Give me 1d6. And this is going to make a huge difference on what happens to Itch Tooth. That's a 5. Excellent, that's a success. Itch Tooth McWeezy latches on to you as you go to make your jump. Your hubris is involved in this thought process. So give me four D6s as you prepare to make your leap onto the back of this dragon.
Speaker 3:Four, two, one, sorry, not looking good Six.
Speaker 7:Oh jeez Nice.
Speaker 1:With an extreme failure and an extreme success. Itch Tooth, there are two goblins involved in this jump and you soar through the air and you and your Skybreaker make the most epic landing you have ever had, as you and McWheezy land on the back of the head of this green dragon. You're now standing on top of a dragon. What are you going to do? That's a great question Drugs.
Speaker 7:Do you make any birthday cakes? We need birthday cake. What.
Speaker 4:That was the plan. That was the plan.
Speaker 1:Roll me a d6 for persuasion Four Jesus Christ.
Speaker 4:Okay.
Speaker 1:The dragon. You watch as its big like copper-colored eye is going to roll back towards you and its head turns a little bit and it's glaring at you, but it's no longer. It's not thrashing, it's not snapping and it's not trying to to eat you. So what? You're standing on top of a dragon. The dragon has stopped, but it's not trying to eat you. But what's your plan here?
Speaker 4:I'm not the one who is trying to convince a dragon that we need.
Speaker 1:While this is going on, Campbell Cam-bel, I thought you ran into the wizard's tower with Seacrest.
Speaker 5:Did you not? I see dragon me fight, her me fight. You're going to Okay.
Speaker 1:Okay. So as Itchtooth and McWeezy land on the back of the dragon, it is momentarily distracted as Campbell runs out of the bush and does what?
Speaker 5:Me punch dragon in eye with a spoon in hand.
Speaker 1:Campbell, if you could go ahead and give me a description, what is your ability?
Speaker 5:and quirk Me. Great fighter, but me make candy Chocolate. Got it Me, love chocolate. Okay, me can only attack every other turn.
Speaker 1:Right, right, Okay, so with spoon in hand. So we'll call that a weapon. You guys watch as Campbell Makes the most Absurd Move towards the dragon Campbell, give me 3d6.
Speaker 3:I don't think that's the most absurd move Towards the dragon.
Speaker 1:You jumped over in an attempt to save your guys. Campbell is attempting to fight. We'll see what happens. That's going to be a 4, 5 and a 5 In an attempt to save your guys.
Speaker 5:Campbell is attempting to fight. We'll see what happens.
Speaker 1:That's going to be a four, five and a five. Wow, you guys watch as Campbell jumps off of the riverbank, soars through the air, his arm wrapped around his spoon, a trail of chocolates coming off of his attack, as he slams his fist into the eye of this dragon that you momentarily distracted as the dragon collapses, allergic to chocolate, you guys are now standing on top of an unconscious dragon body in the river With a spoon, gouging out one of its eyes.
Speaker 1:With a spoon gouging out one of its eyes. Its body is big enough to make you a bridge back onto the bank of the river.
Speaker 7:That dragon did not know how to make birthday cake. I'll tell you that much.
Speaker 5:Ooh chocolate me eat.
Speaker 1:Uh, yeah, you guys. Uh, mcweezy and Itchtooth, you make your way back onto the riverbank, as Campbell has to stop and eat the chocolate that he created during his attack. Uh, you are still outside the force field, though. What's your plan?
Speaker 4:I ain't got shit. We can jump back over the force field, though. What's your plan? I ain't got shit. We can jump back over the force field.
Speaker 1:Well, you know that one of your companions made it inside. Maybe there's still an opening where they deactivated the force field by the front door.
Speaker 4:There. That's a totally reasonable and rational.
Speaker 3:Thogmor is going to pick up Condensed, put him on the pogo stick and bounce him around to the front door while he's eating chocolate, oh jeez.
Speaker 1:Okay, I need three D6s from you, itchtooth, and I need one D6 from Campbell. Four, six, three, four Got it. Okay, campbell, you manage to not throw up. As you are bounced around now full of chocolate Itch Tooth, you bounce one, two, three times past the clay golem that's still on the ground and into the opening of the front door through the force field. The only one left outside now is McWheezy.
Speaker 4:I was on the back.
Speaker 1:Were you. Yeah, alright, go ahead and roll me a d6. Ah shit, let's see how well you held on.
Speaker 3:What's better than three goblins on a pogo stick? What?
Speaker 1:did you get A one Itch Tooth bounces just a little bit too hard as he's coming around a corner, the same, like you know, knee to the ground. You never expected a pogo stick to be able to do that, but he did. And when he shoots back up, you keep going the other way. And Oak McWheezy, Oakley McWheezy, takes one point of slashing damage as they fly through the pricker bushes.
Speaker 4:So I said that I am incredibly sickly and weak due to my unusual diet. Do I have one HP?
Speaker 1:I need another D6 from you, because you would have been rolling at disadvantage anyway.
Speaker 4:That's another one.
Speaker 1:Again. Oh my gosh, Oakley McWheezy dies Itch Tooth. You watch as Oakley McWheezy slips off your back and slides through a pricker bush getting shredded, and if impales themselves on a broken tree branch just beyond it. Oh, hang on.
Speaker 7:He's dead. Yeah, should I hang on a bit tighter?
Speaker 5:He dead.
Speaker 1:Um. The bag of ghosting Is picked up by who?
Speaker 4:Oat McWheesey. Oat Oatly McWheesey.
Speaker 1:Oatly McWheesey, comes out of the shadows Of the forest edge On the edge of this island, picks up the bag of ghosting and walks.
Speaker 4:Smile and you see that he, edge on the edge of this island, picks up the bag of ghosting and walks, and you see that he has a bunch of gooey-ass oatmeal hanging out of his teeth.
Speaker 3:Gross.
Speaker 1:But he walks through the front door and you guys find yourselves inside the wizard's tower.
Speaker 2:It's just a good kind tower In the entryway this entire time playing with her jewelry, waiting for everyone else to show up.
Speaker 4:Sorry me impaling myself and dying was so inconvenient for you.
Speaker 1:As you guys enter this wizard's tower, you find that it is incredibly cramped, like even for a goblin. You would think that entering a wizard's tower would be bigger. You see a long hallway in front of you with several small offshoots. What would you like to do?
Speaker 5:Me think illusion, me check wall.
Speaker 1:How are you checking the wall? Me punch fist. Okay, go ahead and roll me 2d6.
Speaker 5:That's going to be a 5 and a 6. Wow.
Speaker 1:You punch the wall. It's a real wall. You punch through the real wall, you managed to not hurt yourself and you get a chocolate bar out of it, but these walls are real. This is a very cramped space.
Speaker 5:Ooh chocolate Me eat.
Speaker 4:I'm going to make some oatmeal.
Speaker 1:Steakrest. What are you doing? You've been in here the longest. What have you been up?
Speaker 2:to. I imagine that she would have been trying to see how to get through it, where the cake is.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and roll me. The cake is in the sea. Go ahead and roll me 3D6.
Speaker 2:A 5, a 1, and a 2.
Speaker 1:Okay, ooh, okay, okay, you can. It's a little fuzzy in here, like your visions are a little blurry and you spent the first few seconds of your time in here walking down the hallway checking each of the different offshoots, seeing if one of them would lead you to the cake. Unfortunately, while you were doing this, you weren't paying attention and you stepped into a hallway and got like you stubbed your toe on on like a side table thing. Who puts this in the middle of a hallway that's already cramped? That's just inconsiderate Rude and you take one bludgeoning damage.
Speaker 2:And I've already taken one earlier, so Mitch is dead. Rip.
Speaker 1:You guys enter you guys, enter you guys after your fight with the dragon the rest of you, campbell, itchtooth and McWheezy you enter the wizard's tower to find Seacrest dead on the floor, itchtooth and McWheezy. You pick them up and throw them outside, where they roll down the bank into the river and are thus returned to the sea.
Speaker 4:I'm so sorry. As was foretold.
Speaker 1:As was foretold, he has returned to the sea. As another goblin steps out of the shadows and picks up the trident. Who has joined us now?
Speaker 2:We have Mako Seacrest. Mako is wearing a seashell bra and a torn up fake mermaid tail, but it's crawling around. They can walk because of how torn up the tail is, but no, they're crawling around on their arms as if they actually have a tail.
Speaker 4:Oh, jeez Okay.
Speaker 1:You guys find yourself facing this incredibly cramped hallway that has already killed one of your companions. What would you like to do?
Speaker 4:I would like to hand everybody a bowl of oatmeal.
Speaker 1:Uh okay, does this oatmeal do anything, or is it just a snack?
Speaker 4:Uh, I thought it would heal people, but uh, okay, that might be a little bit.
Speaker 1:No, you could. Uh, if anybody currently has one damage, you have now been healed by Odie McWheezy's.
Speaker 4:I tried to do that before you know anything else happened, but you died before we walked in there.
Speaker 1:You knocked me south again. Yeah, no, fuck, h-tooth is gonna live again.
Speaker 4:He has survived so much bullshit.
Speaker 1:And then there's fucking McWheezy, who died to a paper cut.
Speaker 4:Okay, God damn it. I wasn't expecting that. Okay, I coughed up my beer.
Speaker 3:Itch Tooth.
Speaker 5:And it returned to the sea.
Speaker 1:Itch Tooth you come in. You have helped dump the body. You're back in the sea. Itchtooth you come in. You have helped dump the body. You're back in the hallway. There's not a lot of room to jump here, but what would you like to do?
Speaker 3:So this is what we see right. There's a straight path, A straight path with a couple of offshoots. Clogmorth is going to try and use the pogo stick to jump horizontally across the entire path. Yes, Okay.
Speaker 1:Give. Try and use the pogus to jump horizontally across the entire path. Okay, give me. Wow, no, we're going to count, this is your hubris thinking you can jump horizontally, all right. So this is going to be 4d6, but it's going to be disadvantaged, so the low rolls take priority.
Speaker 4:That's not good.
Speaker 3:No, that's not good, no it's not good.
Speaker 4:One, three, four, six.
Speaker 1:You and your fucking sixes, the sixes and the ones cancel each other out, and the three and the four Okay. So you attempt to jump horizontally, you start bouncing, you bounce back, you land, your pogo stick against the wall and you jump up just a little bit too much and you kind of crash into a little chandelier thing. Kind of crash into like a little chandelier thing, like not quite not like a, it's like a lamp coming down out of the ceiling that's lighting up the place. It's not hanging, but it's fixed, and you slam into it and while you are not injured, your movement has also stopped oh yes.
Speaker 7:I don't feel good also. The light has gone. Movement has also stopped. Oh yes, spots Moose. I don't feel good.
Speaker 1:Also, the light has gone out in this part of the hallway. Any attempts at looking around or attempting to investigate things in this section of the hallways is now at disadvantage because the light is out.
Speaker 5:But me have nose, me smell cake or attempt to smell cake.
Speaker 1:You want to try and smell the cake? Yes, while your face has recently stuffed with chocolate, yep. Okay.
Speaker 1:So what exactly are you smelling for Cake? Yeah, all right, go ahead and give me a D6, because I believe this is a fighter character, not an investigative one. Five, uh, yeah, you can follow your nose. Uh, you guys watch as ambil uh starts sniffing around after eating the chocolate bar that they punched out of the hole in the wall. They start sniffing around and they start running down the hallway, down the main hallway, not stopping Just sniffing Cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake, cake. Follow. Do you guys follow him?
Speaker 4:Michael will be crawling along behind.
Speaker 5:As you can tell, Condensed is very condensed in his words.
Speaker 1:You guys follow him down the hallway and as you make it to the end of the hallway, you suddenly find yourselves back at the beginning of the hallway. It's dark here still. This is the same hallway.
Speaker 5:It's a really long hallway. You have condensed on the other side now Of the hallway that we're kind of spread out in so Condensed. Would like to investigate this wall, me punch wall.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, go ahead and roll me 3d6 to punch the second wall. Four, three and a four. Okay, that is technical success. You take a swing at this wall. This wall is illusionary, it does not exist, uh. But you do also drop some, like I don't know uh, chocolate kisses on the ground. As you take a swing at it, chocolate me eat. But as you take a swing at it, you see, uh, that this area is lit up by a non-existent light source. There's a straight line of darkness down where the hallway was, but this area that was revealed is bright.
Speaker 2:Nico's gonna crawl towards the light.
Speaker 5:Me, no care Me, eat chocolate.
Speaker 1:Alright, uh, Seacrest, is there anything you would like to do to help this investigation?
Speaker 2:Is there anything like close to the ground? That's useful? Because, yeah, he is not. He is very close to the ground. He's not standing.
Speaker 4:See what's happening here.
Speaker 1:Roll me two d6s, because you are close to the ground and we'll see what happens.
Speaker 2:That is two sixes.
Speaker 1:Nice, because you are already lying on the ground and you have just borne witness to the fact that some of these walls are real and some are illusionary. From your position, you can see that there is a slight gap between the floor, the darkness and the illusory walls, where the real walls, like, intercede with the darkness entirely. So you can see from your current position that, hang on, uh, the walls on this side are all illusory except the one at the end, and all of the other walls are real.
Speaker 2:Well, he'll reveal all the fake walls as being fake.
Speaker 1:So you can see that at this end there is one real door. That is not just a magical opening.
Speaker 2:I'm going to the door, the real door.
Speaker 1:Okay, what would you like to do?
Speaker 2:I'm going to open it Excellent.
Speaker 1:Go ahead and roll me a d6 to open the door. Actually, roll me two d6s because you're on the ground.
Speaker 2:Two, threes.
Speaker 1:Okay, the door does not open. You're wondering if it's because you can't reach the handle.
Speaker 4:Yeah, that's probably it.
Speaker 2:He is now going to flail like a fish on land.
Speaker 1:He's going to flail like a fish. You guys watch as this mermaid goblin scratches at a door and then starts throwing a tantrum. How do you want to handle this?
Speaker 5:Me see door no open Me punch door open.
Speaker 1:Alright, you're going to take a strike at the door, yes, and Belle runs up behind you, steps over you, Seacrest, and is going to strike the door. Give me 3d6. 3, 1, and a 6. Campbell, you strike the door really hard. It hurts your hand. You take one point of aggravated damage and the door does not open Chocolate me eat.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he had a 6 and a 1. Every time he does an attack action Chocolate me eat? Yeah, he had a six and a one.
Speaker 5:Every time he does an attack action, he creates chocolate.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so this time, when you take a swing at this door, what pops out are like? They look like chocolate truffles, but they're white chocolate truffles, cookies and cream Yuck. I love that shit Cookies and cream.
Speaker 4:Yuck, I love that shit. What do you mean?
Speaker 1:yuck, somebody loves something but everybody knows that white chocolate is the weakest of the chocolates.
Speaker 5:Says the guy who eats cheese off the ground.
Speaker 1:Everybody knows white chocolate is the weakest of the chocolates and cookies and cream chocolate is just sugar. I chocolates and cookies and cream chocolate is just sugar.
Speaker 3:I'd say cookies and cream over dark chocolate. See.
Speaker 1:Most of the world would disagree with you. I don't even like dark chocolate.
Speaker 3:I am a milk chocolate person. Milk chocolate is the best.
Speaker 4:I think it's just you that disagrees.
Speaker 1:You know what? Campbell doesn't like white chocolate either.
Speaker 5:Me hate universe.
Speaker 1:Me hate universe. I don't know what Campbell eats, but effectively you dropped a couple of white chocolate truffles. They hit the ground and they're kind of like they got little stone pieces on them now.
Speaker 5:Me really hate. Universe X flavor pieces on them now?
Speaker 1:Yeah Me really hate universe. Extra flavor it's crunchy now, but the door does not open.
Speaker 5:Oh, that could be a downside. So when he attacks and he fails and he takes damage from his attack and everything like that, the little chunky bits are actually bits of bone.
Speaker 1:Oh God. No, that's great, but no.
Speaker 5:Me really hate universe.
Speaker 4:There's no reason for that it makes white chocolate and he doesn't like it.
Speaker 1:All right, itch Tooth, you watch as Seacrest and Campbell both fail to open the door. It is your turn. What would you like to do?
Speaker 3:All right, oh give this door, troy. He's going to lumber over, still bouncing the whole time, but he's not jumping towards the door, he's just going to open the door while bouncing. How would you like to open the door With his hands on the door handle? Yeah, all right, give me.
Speaker 1:Well, you are bouncing and that makes it tough to open a door, but you are the best bouncer, so that makes it okay to do things while bouncing and it is.
Speaker 1:Give me 3d6 nice 661 Jesus Christ that's a critical success you guys watch as itch tooth comes over, stares at you on the ground throwing a tantrum. Stares at you on the ground, uh, throwing a tantrum. Stares at you Campbell crunching through gravel chocolate and, while bouncing, pulls the door open. Wow, and do you see, on the other side of this door, not not a room, not a hallway of this door, not a room, not a hallway, but a whole-ass building on like a flatland.
Speaker 4:Hmm, I hand everybody a bowl of oatmeal.
Speaker 1:Wait, where'd you get a bowl of oatmeal? Did you make more oatmeal?
Speaker 2:It would make sense Make oatmeal with only water.
Speaker 1:Wait, wait. Hold on Time out a second Wait. If you could please explain out loud what Oat McWheezy is capable of.
Speaker 4:Nope, they got to figure it out on their own.
Speaker 1:No, no. I am going to read this out loud because our listeners are going to want to hear this bullshit. Oat McWheezy can make oatmeal with only water, but only when no one is looking. He coughs up whole oats all the time and feeds everyone with quick oats. They're made in mere seconds, already warm and ready to eat, and they're capable of healing you. Really bad charisma, though, as they have gooey oats in their teeth. Roll me 2d6 oat McWheezy to figure out where you got the water from.
Speaker 3:A six.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, you carry a, but you've got like a flask on you. But you are all given another bowl of piping hot oatmeal.
Speaker 4:I wouldn't say piping hot, it's warm, no no, no, that's a six and a five.
Speaker 1:This is an extreme success. This is piping hot oatmeal.
Speaker 5:Me no like oatmeal.
Speaker 1:Me refuse. Your oatmeal has tiny chocolate chips in it. Me like oatmeal, me refuse. This is your oatmeal.
Speaker 1:It has tiny chocolate chips in it, me eat oatmeal and you anyone who took damage is healed again. You guys are standing outside of a large stone building and your goblin senses tell you that there is cake nearby. This must be where the wizard is keeping the world's best birthday cake. What would you like to do, kaambo? You are first in the rolls Me head to door. Knock Kaambo heads to the door. This is a massive door. This is a massive door. It's a good four or five times the size of any door you've dealt with in your short life so far.
Speaker 5:Me knock with attack.
Speaker 4:Me knock with attack.
Speaker 1:You want to punch the door? You are you? Oh wait, no, you're striking it with your spoon right Me knock with attack. Yeah, okay, so that is 3d6 to knock on this door.
Speaker 4:Thanks for the laugh 6-2 and a 3.
Speaker 1:A 6, a 2, and a 3. Your extreme success cancels out the two regular failures. You knock on the door with your attack. Uh, a bunch of chocolate shavings fall off. Uh, you could tell that this is me yeah, it's a marbled chocolate you fall down to eat as the door opens. Uh, and a surprisingly small kobold is standing there with like an icing bag in their hand, staring at you eat chocolate off the ground what do you want?
Speaker 4:we come for cake. Were you invited? Yes, uh go ahead this guy gave us all of their invitations.
Speaker 1:We're so invited uh, yeah, go ahead and roll me 2d6. You're talking with disadvantage.
Speaker 4:I think I choked on some oatmeal.
Speaker 1:Yeah, your mouth is full of oatmeal.
Speaker 4:I'd be a 2 and a 1.
Speaker 1:Aha, right. So as you say this, the kobold is going to look at you like you're insane. Mm-hmm, the kobold is going to look at you like you're insane. And he is going to. How does he hurt you? You go to step in to greet the kobold and he slams the door on you and bonks you in the nose.
Speaker 4:Yeah, don't cake to the end of the party. We're still working on it. Go away.
Speaker 1:Itch Tooth. You watch this happen. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7:It seems they don't want us walking through the front door, so let's just jump on the roof.
Speaker 4:Only I still had Oakley.
Speaker 1:Roll the roof each tooth two, five, one three, a two, a five, a one and a. Yes, okay, that is an extreme failure. You jump up onto the roof. You can see the roof. It's a very tall building but you know you can get there. You jump up and you clear the edge of the roof and while you expected to land there, you were not prepared for there being no roof on this building whatsoever. And you fall into the kitchen and take one aggravated damage because you were not prepared to land where you landed, like one of your ankles rolls underneath you. Yeah, it's like you missed the last step on a staircase. You are inside standing next to, like you fell next to Cobalt holding an icing bag, but you can see from where you are. You can see the cake.
Speaker 7:It's the birthday cake, I told you to leave?
Speaker 4:No, you didn't.
Speaker 7:Yes, I did.
Speaker 5:Me punch door as hard as can.
Speaker 1:All right. As they start arguing, you strike the door and bell. So give me, you're punching the door right. You're not striking it with a spoon.
Speaker 5:Not striking it with spoon, but spoon in hand, spoon magic. Right, you're not striking it with a spoon, not striking it with spoon, but spoon in hand, spoon magic.
Speaker 1:Right, but you're not using the 3d6.
Speaker 5:He holds onto the spoon for luck, basically.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I gotcha I gotcha 3d6.
Speaker 1:3, 4, 1. You punch the door as hard as you can. You've punched doors before you know you're going to break this. Unfortunately you don't, and as your fist slams into the door, you hear your knuckles crack a little bit and um, like uh, a white chocolate, peppermint bark style situation is what falls on the floor as your fingers crunch. You mean like a Thin Mint. So no, it's hard and crackly. It's a white chocolate and candy cane mixture that's laid out in a flat layer, and then you bash it with a hammer and you eat it in shards.
Speaker 1:That actually sounds really good, brad, it's delicious, but it also represents your broken bones as you take an aggravated damage striking this door again me hurt.
Speaker 5:Wait, did I get hurt last time?
Speaker 1:oh no, I got, you got hurt right, you got healed, so you have one aggravated damage and we're going to seacrest. You've watched this door open and close twice and slammed on one of your companions. You're alive. You're on the ground. What are you up to?
Speaker 2:I'm not sure this door is the best way in.
Speaker 1:Maybe not. Do you have any other plans?
Speaker 2:I'm going to see if I can find a vent.
Speaker 1:A vent.
Speaker 4:I'll throw a vent.
Speaker 1:You, okay, okay, a vent. So are you going left or right around the building? I'm going this way. Okay, you're taking the long way. Okay, you start going around the building. You don't see any vent from here, not from here.
Speaker 1:Along this side of the thing, an event. From here, not from here. Along this side of the thing, you come to a large, very large window with like that weird square kind of bulgy glass that you can't really see through it, but it lets the light in and it doesn't look like this window opens and you probably can't break it. It's pretty thick, uh. You keep going, you find another window, uh, of the same material, and you can get just like a glimpse of the cake inside as the light is shining through from the ovens, uh. And as you turn the corner on the other side of the building, you find your first vent vent. It's a little higher up and some like you're not sure if it's smoke or steam that's coming out of it. It's not a chimney, but it could be like one of those overhead fans over like a oven. You might be able to fit in there. It would be a tight squeeze.
Speaker 2:That one might require standing, and while he can stand, he doesn't like to.
Speaker 4:I would like to point out that he has seashells over his nipples. He does. Why would you like to point that out? What did that bring to the narrative table?
Speaker 2:I would also like to point out that he has a giant chest. He's very well endowed in the chest area.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he spends all of his time crawling around on his hands right. Very Joe Swanson-esque.
Speaker 2:You'll see when I send the pictures later Joe.
Speaker 4:Swanson-esque. Hold on, you'll see when I send the pictures later.
Speaker 1:So you keep looking for another vent and you can see that there is. This appears to be the backside of a large wood oven. It has on the outside here a stack of very large logs, a stack of smaller cut wood and an opening so you can open the back door of this oven and push the large logs in to help bank the fire and whatnot. This could be a way in.
Speaker 2:We could set the whole place on fire. Then they'd have to take the cake out. That's not a bad plan. I'm going to start the whole place on fire.
Speaker 1:Then they'd have to take the cake out. That's not a bad plan.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna start pushing logs into the fire.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah, okay. So you're pretty strong, but you are not standing right.
Speaker 2:I am not standing.
Speaker 1:Okay, give me 2d6.
Speaker 2:6 and a 4.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah, that is an extreme success and a regular success. You throw this door open and this oven isn't lit yet.
Speaker 2:Oh, it isn't.
Speaker 1:You can see that the wood has been stacked neatly, and through the opening you can see somebody, a very large person, in an apron with horns on their head. They seem to be struggling to light the long match that they would use to light this oven, but it's currently cold, so if you wanted to crawl in through here, now's your chance, or you could keep pushing logs in and hope that when he lights it it's your chance.
Speaker 1:Or you can add yeah, or you could keep pushing logs in and hope that when he lights it it's too big of a fire.
Speaker 6:So, however, you want to handle it. Can I do both?
Speaker 1:Roll me 1d6. A 5. Yeah, you can do both. You are capable of pushing a bunch of logs in here and you drag one up behind you as you climb through. You have packed this thing with wood and you've left the back door open, so it's gonna get the oxygen. Yeah, and you kind of where well, I mean kurt, like you're inside of a giant oven. Now where would you like to go?
Speaker 2:I would like to crawl underneath this table.
Speaker 1:All right, Give me 2d6, because you are low to the ground and they're not expecting someone to crawl in through the oven.
Speaker 2:Two, threes.
Speaker 1:One of the chefs that's trying to light the match spots you as you flop onto the ground out of the oven and he says hey, who let this fish out the basket? And he's going to pick you up by the tail or by the tail remnant and he goes. No wonder they let you out the basket. This is ugly as sin and he's going to take you into the storeroom and put you on a crate. Whoever bought that? You know we only get the finest Ingredients in here. If I find out who you are, I'm docking your pay and he goes back to try to light the log.
Speaker 2:Huh Mako is now offended at being called Disgusting seafood.
Speaker 3:I'm delicious seafood, damn it.
Speaker 4:Pretty much.
Speaker 1:Mick Wheezy, you're still outside. What would you like to do?
Speaker 4:Rub it in my face. I'm going to open the door and walk back in.
Speaker 1:Oh right, you got hit in the nose. You're going to open your door and walk back in. Mm-hmm. All right, go ahead and give me a D6. See if you can open the door.
Speaker 4:Five Thank fuck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it seems that the kobold inside was immediately distracted by a goblin falling through the non-existent roof and forgot to lock the door. It swings open and you can see the kobold standing over it, tooth with his icing bag, kind of pointed at him in some kind of defense attempt. Because he started an argument hey.
Speaker 4:Give us the cake and nobody gets ghosted.
Speaker 5:We attack Kobold.
Speaker 4:Swinging the sack around to try and intimidate him.
Speaker 1:Okay, you're going to swing the loose sack of flour around to try and intimidate him, creating kind of like a flour cloud. Yes, got it, and Ambel is going to run forward and punch him. Apparently, and Itchtooth. You see this happening while you were having your argument and you were getting back up. Do you do anything to aid in this moment?
Speaker 3:Itch Tooth is focused on that birthday cake, doesn't even know what's happening behind him. Well, mid-argument, you know.
Speaker 1:Right, like you're just kind of talking to him out the side of your mouth. Yeah, okay, got it. So give me two D6s and Campbell, give me three.
Speaker 4:Can I get a third one, because I'm using my item?
Speaker 1:That's why you have two.
Speaker 4:Okay, I died. What do you mean you?
Speaker 1:died. Okay, hang on, did you roll two ones again?
Speaker 4:So my last roll was a one, so I got the door slammed on my face. So I had a damage. I just rolled a two and a one. Okay, okay.
Speaker 1:K'Ambel. How was your roll? So I can put this all together.
Speaker 5:What am I rolling again?
Speaker 1:You're giving me a three, d6 because you are attacking A six, a four,6 because you are attacking A 6, a 4, and a 1.
Speaker 1:Excellent. That is a success because the extremes cancel each other out. Mcwheezy starts swinging their bag of flour around, creating a massive flour cloud that starts drifting in to the bakery, to this kitchen space. K'ambel rushes in and he strikes the kobold as little edges of a crunch bar falls out of him and because of his movement, the wind created by his punch forces the flower cloud to the side as it drifts towards an open oven oh no and a massive sudden combustion of flower rips through around the corner, taking out another baker that was making bread, the remainder of this kobold who was threatening Itch Tooth.
Speaker 1:It bypasses Itch Tooth and slams into McWheeze, who is blown back in a small particle explosion and dies McWheezy. Out of the shadows, from the area that you came, another goblin comes and picks up the bag of ghosting so aptly named.
Speaker 4:Sack McWeezy.
Speaker 1:Sack McWeezy picks up the bag of ghosting and steps into the room. Kaambel and Ichito due to the punch that Kaambel threw, you did manage to avoid being burned by this explosion, but you are currently sitting here watching as a new McWheezy steps into the space. You Itch Tooth. You would have seen them. You would have seen the chef take Seacrest into the storage room and complain about the ugly fish. But you guys are all now inside the kitchen. You all have eyes on the birthday cake. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7:Saka ghosting is quite powerful indeed.
Speaker 1:Me see, chocolate me eat.
Speaker 3:You stoop down to munch on your crunch bar, ogmorph with the objective in his eyes the lights at the end of the tunnel is going to pogo.
Speaker 2:Stick his way over and try and pick up the whole fucking cake okay, well done there is, yeah, go ahead, seacrest, I was gonna say Seacrest is struggling is on top of like go ahead, seacrest. I was going to say Seacrest is struggling. It's on top of a bunch of crates and it's trying to figure out how to get out without getting stuck between them.
Speaker 1:Yeah, okay, right, we'll work that. First, seacrest, give me 2d6. This is a disadvantage 5 and a 4.
Speaker 1:Still a success. You barely manage to roll yourself off of these crates and into the open floor and as you do, you come to the door and you watch Itchtooth bounding his way across the room towards the cake. Itchtooth, there is somebody in your way who is putting finishing touches on the best birthday cake in the world. But you know you can jump past them if you are careful. Give me three d6 524. That is a success. You they hear you coming. He turns around and he throws I forgot the name of that, uh, that almond paste that they sculpt things out of fondant. Yeah, he throws like a fondant sculptured flower at you in an attempt to knock you off balance, but you sidestep it. You get to the cake. You are bouncing, you try and pick it up. Give me four d6.
Speaker 1:Come on, let's go six, one, three, three itch tooth, you attempt to pick up this cake. You are not prepared for how heavy this thing is. This is probably one of the densest, moist, moistest, most frosting-covered cakes you have ever seen in your life and you cannot pick it up alone. You put your hand under it and go to bounce away and it stops you dead in your tracks. Ka-am Belle, you watch as Itch Tooth dodges a flying fondant flower and stops, unable to move the cake. What do you do?
Speaker 5:Me rush cake Me help.
Speaker 1:You run over. How do you help Me?
Speaker 3:help Sorry you can uppercut. How do you help Me help? What if, like you get under?
Speaker 5:the pogo stick. Why use many words when few words do?
Speaker 1:Because I need to know how you're helping, to know how many dice are rolling Me help. Okay, you get one D6. Give me a. D6.
Speaker 4:Hit you with the alright Okay.
Speaker 1:How are you trying to help me help? You watch as kambel runs towards you to try and help itch tooth. You see the look in his eye he is going to help you lift this cake, but he is too focused and he does not manage to dodge the flying fondant flower from the chef working on this cake. He gets smacked in the side of the head. He doesn't take damage, but he ends up underneath the table unable to push the cake. Seacrest.
Speaker 2:Seacrest, seeing this, will crawl under the table and try to drag the table, because that is obviously what Campbell was going for. Like, if we can't pick up the cake, we gotta drag the table, because that is obviously what Campbell was going for. Like, if we can't pick up the cake, we gotta drag the whole table with the cake.
Speaker 1:Seacrest, give me 2d6 because you're sneaking past this hobgoblin on the floor.
Speaker 2:Uh, 1d6.
Speaker 1:You manage to dodge the flying fondant flower and you end up underneath the table to help Campbell McW flower and you end up underneath the table to help K'Ambel McWheeze. You watch as your new companions are trying to move this birthday cake. How do you help I?
Speaker 4:go to kill the uh the chef.
Speaker 1:Okay.
Speaker 4:With my sack of ghosting Jesus.
Speaker 5:we already know what happens? Wait, the chef or the hobgoblin, because there's a big difference there.
Speaker 1:The chef. You're going after the chef. You're going after the chef the guy who was trying to light the long stick for the oven. No the guy who was decorating the cake.
Speaker 4:Who was decorating the cake?
Speaker 3:The hobgoblin. The hobgoblin was decorating the cake.
Speaker 4:Okay, the hobgoblin then.
Speaker 1:Okay, you go after the hobgoblin. The Hobgoblin sees you coming. Give me a d6 to dodge the flying fondant flower that he is using as ninja stars. What happened?
Speaker 4:That's a one.
Speaker 1:Okay, you take this flying fondant star to the face Flack. That is way harder than any frosting you've ever eaten before.
Speaker 2:In the eye. It went right in the eye, right in the eye.
Speaker 4:You fucking actual throwing star.
Speaker 3:You only put the best things on the best birthday cake. Let's be honest yeah, only the best things on the best birthday cake.
Speaker 1:Let's be honest, yeah, only the best things on the best birthday cakes. So now, kaambel, seacrest, itchtooth McWeezy three of you are at or near this cake. Mcweezy has taken a hit, but they are coming up behind you. The chef turns and sees you and he yells Stay away from my birthday cake. What do you do? He is stalking towards you with a long flaming stick.
Speaker 3:With all of the extra force being put on the table, Itch Tooth is going to lodge the Skybreaker, like one of the spokes of the Skybreaker, under the table. Put all the force he can and release it into the air so that all of us go with on a flying table of cake.
Speaker 1:You want to jump the table out of here.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we're going to be the table jumpers. We're going to be the table jumpers, Okay okay.
Speaker 1:This is going to be some rolls. Okay, mcweezy. First you took a hit, but you're still trying to distract. This is gonna be some rolls, okay, uh, mcwheezy, first you took a hit, but you're still trying to distract this hobgoblin with your bag of flour. Uh, let's go with you first. Are you smacking them with it? Are you like trying to blind them? Are you creating another flower cloud? What's going on?
Speaker 4:I'm hitting them with it got it.
Speaker 1:You're gonna smack them with it. Give me three D6.
Speaker 4:Two fives and a three.
Speaker 1:Got it you manage to knock them away with your bag of flour and you get up under the table with everybody else. Kaambel.
Speaker 4:Seacrest, you are a ghost now.
Speaker 1:They are covered in flour. They are a ghost. It gives the chef momentary pause to see. One of their compatriots is now a ghost Ambel Seacrest. I need three D six from each of you to see how much force you can put under this table.
Speaker 5:A six, a one into three a four, a six and a two.
Speaker 1:Hell yeah, that is an excellent number of extreme successes and regular two. Hell yeah, that is an excellent number of extreme successes and regular successes. You guys put all of your strength behind this table, grabbing the legs and trying to throw it up into the air. Itch Tooth, it's you and your Skybreaker and your team. Give me 5 D6.
Speaker 3:Come on, there's never been a roll in my entire life that has mattered more.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 3:One, Five, three, one yeah, I was joking obviously Two, three.
Speaker 1:Five, three, one, two, three Yep. The Skybreaker breaks.
Speaker 7:No.
Speaker 1:The springs are not strong enough, you go to jump up and the weight is just too much. Skybreaker rolls will now be at disadvantage and the cake does not move. The chef is getting over his distraction of his ghosted companion and he is going to swing at you, campbell, with his long flaming stick. How do you defend yourself? Me block with spoon. You go to block with the spoon. That gives you 2d6. Two and a five, that's enough of a success. You manage to block this flaming stick, but the chocolate that comes out is melting on the ground. You might have to lick it up. Unfortunately, chocolate, me lick. Seacrest. You're still under this table, straining with all your might. What do you do?
Speaker 2:I want to pull the table towards the door.
Speaker 1:You're going to start dragging the cake. 4d6.
Speaker 2:A 1, a 6, a 3, and a 4.
Speaker 1:Got it. That is technically a neutral roll Itch Tooth. You see Seacrest trying to drag this cake table and not jump it. How crazy are they. What would you like to do?
Speaker 7:That's just crazy enough to work.
Speaker 3:He's not going to use the pogo stick, he's not going to use Skybreaker, but he's definitely not letting it go. He'll get under you know, brace his knees, lift with his legs and not his back like a fucking crazy person. Got it. He's going to put everything he can. Got it. He's gonna put everything he can into this. He's strong enough to lift this table.
Speaker 1:He knows it, he is the best jumper in his clan. His legs are very powerful. Give me 3d6.
Speaker 3:A 3, a 4, and a 1. Oh no.
Speaker 1:Itch Tooth. You push so hard you hear something click in your back Ah, you've thrown it out. You've thrown it out too much. You push so hard, you have snapped your own spine.
Speaker 7:That's me. That's me spying it was nice knowing you.
Speaker 1:Itch Tooth collapses under the table, dead. From the sky falls the next Itch Tooth to pick up the mantle of Skybreaker who joins us.
Speaker 7:Hi everybody, Name's Scratchy and I've got some fleas, Alright. Okay, okay, scratchy, you have just joined this hectic situation.
Speaker 1:Okay, scratty, you have just joined this hectic Situation. You see a chef swinging at one of your companions With a long flaming stick. You see another guy With a fondant flower when his eye used to be. You see one trying to drag this table Off the greatest birthday cake in the world. How do you help?
Speaker 3:Well clearly you just need some fleas, and Scratchy Itchtooth is going to release his swarm upon the chef, and the hobgoblin and the stoker oh jeez oh no, yeah, okay, wow, so explain your character please. This is Scratchy, who is scared of loud noises and has pet fleas.
Speaker 1:Got it OK. So there are no loud noises to worry about, so give me three D6.
Speaker 5:Except when the table moves, because it's going to make that loud dragging sound. I don't know, this could be linoleum, except when the table moves and makes that loud dragging sound. As somebody who owns linoleum floors.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. This is a good table. It's got the wheels on it because they're going to be delivering the cake.
Speaker 3:Five six and four, Then why is? It so hard to play A five a six and a four. Okay.
Speaker 1:Maybe the wheels are locked so it doesn't move while they're working on it. Yeah, anyway, with a five, a six and a four, that is an extreme success. And you watch as your new companion sends out a swarm of fleas that they cover the face of the hobgoblin. They rush up the body of the chef. They start fighting themselves, slapping at them Like ah, no, bugs in the kitchen, that's terrible, we're gonna get in so much trouble. The stoker pulls out a flaming piece of wood in an attempt to bat them away. As they get closer, he falls into a pile of spices and the chef, his long flaming stick, falls into the oven that somebody had stuffed full of excess wood earlier and bursts into flames. The hobgoblin, already damaged from the explosion earlier, gets devoured by fleas and the stoker falls into a vat of spices and he goes. Oh no, cayenne, my one weakness.
Speaker 7:Yes, my fleas, my fleas, so delicious.
Speaker 1:My one weakness yes, mcflees, mcflees, so delicious all three combatants dispatched, four of you standing now in a room with the greatest birthday cake in the world two standing, one's intentionally on the ground and the other one's on the ground licking up chocolate. My mistake, Two of you standing now with the greatest birthday cake in the world, One attempting to drag the table while they lay on the ground and the other licking chocolate off the floor.
Speaker 2:I would like to release the wheels, wheel locks make them turn.
Speaker 1:You are down at the floor. Go ahead and give me three D6. A two, a three and a six Perfect. That extreme success is just what you need as you unlock the locks on this rolling table and the cake slides easily across the floor as you start dragging it towards the door. The four of you successful.
Speaker 4:It only got me to the last big wheezy.
Speaker 1:The four of you very carefully maneuver this cake out of the wizard's tower across the bridge. The clay golem's no longer a problem. You hear screams and anger and very upset partygoers in the wizard's tower being told that there is no birthday cake and you know in your hearts that you are the best goblins in the world.
Speaker 4:What's your?
Speaker 3:heart's longest.
Speaker 4:I think it was the first fucking Skybreaker, yeah.
Speaker 1:Logmorphs. Anyway, congratulations you guys. You did manage to heist. You managed to complete the great cake caper, you have stolen the greatest birthday cake in the world and you are taking it back to have the greatest birthday party a goblin has ever seen. We have been running a essentially a bastardized version of Goblin Quest. I got rid of a bunch of the rules that I didn't feel like dealing with and we've basically been running on D6s and whatever happens happened. This has been a lot of fun. What did you guys think?
Speaker 2:I loved it. Also, mako and another one of my goblins, captain, are going to be making out on the ground at the entirety of the party, at the goblin birthday party.
Speaker 5:It would be funny, as if we're rolling the cake out. It slides into the water and returns to the sea.
Speaker 2:Let it return to the sea, as it always shall. Everything always shall.
Speaker 1:If that goblin lived it might have Anyway. So, yeah, this has been the Great Cake Caper. Thank you for listening. I had a lot of fun running it. Yeah, this has been great. It's always great fun to just get some absolute nonsense in the TTRPG world, you know. So thank you for listening.
Speaker 4:Do you like most of my characters? Yeah, pretty much. Thank you for listening, do you?
Speaker 1:like most of my characters.
Speaker 4:Yeah, pretty much.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, that's all for now, but when we return next episode we will be back in Regate with the Time Breakers as they continue in their quest to change their past. You can come join us in the Discord Link is in the description and help build the city from the inside, and maybe you know if you liked this episode. Come, let us know and maybe we'll try and throw some more in there when special events come around. Now you can leave a rating, leave a review and tell us how you really feel don't forget to post that happy birthday happy birthday noel.
Speaker 4:happy birthday, Happy birthday Noel.
Speaker 1:Happy birthday.
Speaker 2:Noel Happy birthday. Thank you, yay. Happy birthday, bye, bye.
Speaker 4:Are we going to sing happy birthday, thank you.