Unlocking Your True Potential: Ian Darley's Journey to Celebrate the 'Not Normal'

Ever wondered what happens when you fully embrace your uniqueness and challenge the status quo? Dynamic entrepreneur Ian Darley is on a mission to celebrate those who do just that. In this electrifying episode of Impact Innovators, Ian discusses his bold new rebrand, "Not Normal," which aims to inspire creators, adventurers, and pioneers. Inspired by personal conversations and the spirit of innovation reminiscent of Steve Jobs, Ian's mission is to resonate with those who dare to be different, even in the face of mixed reactions.

Purpose and passion take center stage as Ian opens up about a transformative period in his life. Drawing from Simon Sinek's philosophy, he reveals how understanding one's "why" can lead to profound breakthroughs. Ian shares an unconventional technique that helped him overcome dark times, emphasizing the importance of listening to our inner instincts over external distractions. Through his journey, Ian underscores the power of intrinsic motivation and the courage it takes to pursue true passions, leading to genuine happiness and fulfillment.

The episode also delves into the intricacies of personal growth, the challenges of facing fears, and the role of environment in fostering change. Ian breaks down the importance of small, incremental steps, highlighting insights from "Atomic Habits" and Tony Robbins' seminars. We explore the subconscious mind's role in creativity and stress responses, offering strategies to tap into our hidden potential. Join us for a conversation filled with compelling stories, practical advice, and a heartfelt invitation to join the "Not Normal One" community, making strides towards your unique journey to success.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, welcome everyone. This is the podcast called Impact Innovators, which is success stories worth sharing by small business founders. It's real stories by real founders sharing actionable ideas, and I'm your host, shane Johnston. And we've got an individual on here. His name is Ian Darley and he spent over a decade helping CEOs, entrepreneurs and startup businesses overcome blocks to rapid growth, all while creating his own businesses in several industries, including the construction industry, the hospitality industry and self-development arenas. He's 52 years old, he's the dad of two and he's a granddad of two as well, so you're going to have three grandchildren soon and he has geek-like passions for longevity and an obsession to accelerated results. Everyone meet Ian Darley. Welcome to the show. Hey, shane. How we doing Good. Good Now.

Speaker 1: 0:58

I know Ian and I just full disclosure. We met about a little over a decade ago at a conference in San Diego. Where are you now? In San Diego? He's in San Diego, but he's not from San Diego people. He's a Yorkshire man, exactly, you can't call him an Englishman, he's a Yorkshire man. There is a difference. What is the difference?

Speaker 2: 1:19

The difference is if you're from just a normal Englishman, you're just a normal Englishman. If you're just a normal Englishman, you're just a normal Englishman. If you're a Yorkshireman, you would have told them you're a Yorkshireman because there is no Proud of Perse in the middle.

Speaker 1: 1:29

Very good, Okay, I'm sure you will, unless I do it on purpose, of course. So listen, buddy, it's good to see you again on the show here. Tell us so your new brand. You've gone through a couple of iterations of your brand and, as I understand it, now you are going through a rebrand as we speak and you're about to launch it.

Speaker 2: 1:47

tell us a little bit about this new brand, called not normal, I think it just summarizes the events of the last maybe 14, 15 years been a hell of a roller coaster. It actually probably stems from conversations with my daughter, numerous conversations. Well, she'll just turn around and she'll go. You're just not normal. Are go? You're just not normal. Are you dad? You're just not normal at all.

Speaker 1: 2:08

I can attest to that.

Speaker 2: 2:10

You know this full well To the listeners. When I did actually share this with Shane previously, he went. That summarizes you perfectly. I find the most interesting people in the world are the people who are the not normal ones. The people who travel, the people who are digital nomads ones. The people who travel. The people are digital nomads. The people who are starting businesses with nothing. The people, the adventurers. These people are not classed as the normal people. These the people who inspire people and people aspire to be. I thought the brand would actually alienate the people who are not maybe that way inclined, but those people who go hey, I don't feel like I'm normal either. This is your tribe. This is why we're using the brand Not Normal.

Speaker 1: 2:49

So I'm very excited about it. Good, good. So you're trying to filter away the people who would consider themselves normal. They maybe probably are employees who work at a business and they probably hate their job, Jump on the train and commute to work every day and they can't stand it. They can't stand their boss. A lot of the normal people that's the way they feel, I think.

Speaker 2: 3:09

Exactly right. I mean, I shared it with a couple of people and it's been very interesting in the fact that the people who I have a lot of respect for, people who are similar to me, the people who like to go for it, they just push the boundaries. They can't be knocked down. They can be knocked down but they do keep getting back up again. They're like I love it and they're all geeky about it. But then the people who are maybe a little bit more reserved, people who have and not disrespecting everybody's in a different situation, but a little bit more, um, like a fixed mindset, is their guy going? Terrible name, you can upset people, all this kind of stuff. And I'm like, initially I was quite aggravated by it, but then, you know, when I gave it time to settle, I'm like going this is brilliant, this is exactly what I wanted.

Speaker 2: 3:53

The people who don't have the belief that they anything is achievable which is not for them. This is for the people who go. I'm like that. I'm not normal. I want to achieve, like the bigger and the bigger things. So, yeah, perfect.

Speaker 1: 4:07

Sure, it actually reminds me of Steve Jobs, the founder of Apple, when he talked about in that famous little video or promotion he did for Apple. Where he talks about this is for the people who are the creators of the world, the people who are different, the people who are not doing the normal things. It hearkens its way back to that for me and it's in my heart too.

Speaker 2: 4:28

I heard a little bit about that. I don't know who was talking about it. I don't know if it was Daniel Priestley, I'm not too sure who was saying that they actually did a campaign. And again, like all the PR people say to Steve Jobs, these are the people who think outside the box, that think differently, differently want to be different you're going to alienate so many people, but it actually was extremely successful because it spoke their language.

Speaker 2: 4:50

You said to that individual I want to be different, I want to be unique, I want to be uh significant in the world. So these are the people that break the box exactly the founders in the internet, right?

Speaker 1: 5:01

yeah. So listen, I launched my first business a little over 20 years ago after spending quite a bit of time in the corporate world being normal and not liking it and for years wishing that I had something different, something of my own, odd, and he had to go. So he was legally ousted, which was good in a way, but it was bad in a way because we were left on our own to figure out how to advertise like marketing, advertising as a franchise. That's what they do for you, right? You just operate the business. And so I spent the next almost two years trying to work through and figure out marketing and advertising. I had been in business development for all my career up until that point, so I really struggled. I spent over a quarter million dollars trying to figure it out. Long story short, I finally did, but that struggle was real, and so for me, it just brings up such a level of empathy for our fellow entrepreneurs and founders and people that are making shit happen, basically working every day pounding the pavement, probably wearing several different hats.

Speaker 1: 6:07

And I read a book quite a few years ago, which I know you love too, called the Rise of Superman by Stephen Kotler. In that book he talks about a number of triggers to get yourself into flow. So you're creative and you're feeling good and you're just having a good time. That could be in sports, mountain climbing, water, skiing or in business. As entrepreneurs, we know that you get into the flow, you get creative and you're going through making something happen and you don't even realize how much time has passed by.

Speaker 1: 6:34

And so he talks about the trigger of. One of the triggers is the flow of community and being in a community. When maybe one member's in struggle, another one is up there on top making shit happen and together they help each other ebb and flow through that. One of the things that I really love about that was something that Simon Sinek said in his famous TEDx talk, where he said people don't buy what you do or what you have. They buy why you do it, and what you do simply proves what you believe in. What's your big, why, ian? Why are you doing this stuff for not normal and helping people get breakthroughs and crush it in their businesses.

Speaker 2: 7:11

To me the why is. There's no greater feeling, for me personally, than helping a person overcome a challenge that they deemed wasn't possible. Why the brand not normal, the not normal result? There is no better theory for a person who's stuck and maybe thinks their life is over and they feel like there's no way out and an opportunity arises and they leap. And they take that leap, whether it be in health or whether it be in a relationship, whether it be in a business situation. When you actually help a person overcome that hurdle and they light up an aha moment like that's my why and if I'm able just to say where, when my why came from, it was over, well, over a decade ago, when we do the backstory on it.

Speaker 2: 7:58

But I found myself in a very dark place and I found myself in an event because I was trying to overcome this dial play and there was this crazy technique that they used at the event and I'm happy to say that it's gotten me into trouble before by talking about this, but it's a completely different story. We'll bleep it out. No, I'm not even going to go there. Basically, I was at this event and they basically said hey, we're going to do this exercise with you. We're going to do this exercise with you, we're going to do this session with you. So anybody who's on any medication and I'd just started on antidepressants. At the time it was like well over a decade and I was highly embarrassed the fact that I was on this medication and they said, hey, we're going to do this technique with you and we're going to release all the negative emotions that's holding you in this dark place. And if you run any medications, then the medications it changes your biochemistry and if we let go of these negative emotions then you're going to be like bouncing off the wall and I'm like this is not possible. So, anyway, I did the session Been.

Speaker 2: 8:58

Four and a half hours later, I was bouncing off the wall like Tigger on speed. Everything had gone. I was just standing the wall like Tigger on speed. Everything had gone. I was just standing up so tall. It was just the most incredible thing I've ever experienced, to this day, probably, and it blew my mind that people were on medication for the rest of their day, thinking their life was over. And that moment said to me there are so many different things out there, so many different solutions for people, and that's my why that sent me off on a rollercoaster, that sent me down a rabbit hole so deep in my obsession. Like you said in the bio, we try to get results faster for people. That's my why. It's to basically say don't give in, there's an opportunity out there, there's something. If you keep looking for it, there's something out there to get you a result the year after.

Speaker 1: 9:44

Interesting. So you talk about it from the perspective of taking drugs to make you feel better and that we have it within ourselves to do it on a more natural basis.

Speaker 2: 9:59

You don't need to take drugs, kind of thing. Yeah, without a shadow of trouble before in the past with these conversations where people have kicked off about me thinking that I'm dishing medication and I'm not a medic, medically not a doctor. That could be quite cool, right, but yeah, it got me into a lot of trouble before in the past where I spoke about this and it was just taken completely out of context and I wasn't saying that there's no medication to save lives. The people in that particular industry do a lot of amazing work. And what I'm saying is the fact that if you're not in a great state, if you're in a down state, for example, I truly believe that you've got that inner feeling inside of you that says to you if it's not wrong, there's something wrong and you're not listening to it.

Speaker 2: 10:44

We all have that internal instinct. So we shouldn't be in that relationship any longer, we shouldn't be in this job, we shouldn't be in this location. We've got an internal gut instinct that says we shouldn't do that. And then we suppress it by drinking, doing drugs, overeating, whatever the case may be, obsession with, even exercise to a degree, anything to try and shut the voice out. My belief is that if you ignore it long enough, that's where the problems come. We're innately able to know what we should be doing. We just don't listen to the voice, yeah, interesting.

Speaker 1: 11:13

So when we're in that state where we're feeling like we're feeling down, we're not achieving what we want to achieve, maybe we're feeling a little stressed and anxious, maybe even depressed you're saying, rather than push that feeling away and quell it, you're saying we should listen to it and drive deeper into it, to use that to achieve more 100% 100% Beautiful, beautiful.

Speaker 2: 11:36

Actually, I learned something. It's not too long ago I didn't realize I'd been doing it for such a long period of time Like extrinsic motivation and intrinsic motivation like people who are obsessed with the best car, the best house, all this kind of stuff, and they're pursuing this thing, thinking that once we get it then we'll be happy, but internally they're not. I think we're always looking for the external thing to make us happy whereas we look internally. Then, if we listen to that voice and pursue your dreams, pursue your bliss a lot of people talk about your own bliss. If we listen to that bliss and it could be scary, it could be completely the opposite of where you're currently. At once we've tapped into that. Once we've tapped into their inner values, their inner core values, their inner purpose, and we've aligned their life with that and their actions with that.

Speaker 1: 12:26

Interesting. I read a book a few years back by Michael Hogg H-A-U-G-E called Story Selling or something like that I can't remember the exact title, but he was a famous Hollywood or he still is a famous Hollywood script writer and he talks about the external goal or the extrinsic goal, versus the intrinsic internal transformation that the hero of the story or the hero of the plot really goes through. And any good movie will be far more impactful for the viewers if the hero of the story goes through that internal, intrinsic transformation, becomes a new person, becomes a different person and is much better for it. So it's interesting that you talk about that, because I think as people in our lives, and especially as founders and entrepreneurs, we don't really focus much on that internal transformation, that internal goal. We always focus on the extrinsic, materialistic things. So that's interesting you bring that up yeah, exactly, I think.

Speaker 2: 13:26

Just think you're while you, while you were talking there. People do what to do from from like the cars, how we're conditioned from society to obtain the things. I think, also from a relationship point of view, we're always looking for approval, whether it be in a business relationship or to succeed to a certain level, or in a romantic relationship. Are you looking for the other person to go I love rather than loving yourself? How many people get up in the morning and look at themselves I'm like good job, like you're doing good, and most people, from what I understand, they don't have that feeling and they're looking extrinsically for somebody to tell them that they're okay and that's not really what we need.

Speaker 1: 14:07

Yeah, I worked with robin sharma, a famous new york times best selling author, a few years ago on a product launch.

Speaker 1: 14:14

He was doing for a coaching program and one of the things he was doing in there and he was helping entrepreneurs too, and he talked about the valley of despair.

Speaker 1: 14:22

We've all known that valley of despair, although we don't like to probably talk about it much. We start out on a new project or a new initiative and we're doing a launch of a new product or rebranding or we figured out some new technique to use in marketing our business and we start off on this high like we're all excited about it because we got this new found thing and we're interested in it and we're learning and we start moving through and you might hit a couple ups and downs and then all of a sudden you hit the valley of despair where there's that long period where you're just trudging through trying to make it happen and most people don't see that. That's why we talk about being the overnight success. It only took me 10 years. So I'm just curious you help people get through that valley, get to the other side and see it through so that they can achieve or accomplish something. How do you do that? What's your unique?

Speaker 2: 15:09

method. I've tried to simplify it over the years. I think the best way for anybody to make a step in the right direction or a breakthrough is actually to associate it to something they've done in the past, or a breakthrough is actually to associate it to something that's been in the past. So most people like stuck for such a long period of time that they see no like opportunity to or result or anything that they could possibly. How could I possibly even get to that? And so what I do is, let's say, for example, is that I bump into somebody, whether it be on a train or a cafe or a bar or whatever, and I get chatting to them and they might be traveling and they might go. Well, why are you traveling? Okay, I'm looking for a new job, a new career. I don't particularly know what I do with my life. I'm done, and now I've simplified it down to you're only the normal life.

Speaker 2: 16:06

You get the calling, as they say in the hero's journey. There's a calling inside of you I want to do better than this job, I want to do a better relationship, I want to be fitter. There's a calling of some sort, and then you suppress it, which we talked about with the alcohol or the drug. Like you take the leap right, step two, you drop down to the valley of despair. You're all excited, you're going to get something new, but it's just going to be amazing, the dopamine's rushing for you and all this kind of stuff. Then you get down into the valley of value, of despair. You're like what have I done? So at the end you're in this mindset.

Speaker 2: 16:35

Now do I move forward? Oh my god, I have no idea what's on this path. I have no idea nothing. There there's insecurity, right, a huge amount of uncertainty. So then they look back, they turn around and they lay back up the hill to where they was, because, despite it being painful, then they're like going. Then they try to convince themselves it wasn't that bad, she was okay, she's good looking, she's quite sociable, she had a nice car, she had all these kind of things. So then you convince yourself then that your life that you were in previously wasn't as bad as what you thought it was. And it's called I forget what it's called. There is basically a process where you're basically your mind delete, like the bad stuff in order to make it look.

Speaker 2: 17:20

Sigmund freud would say you're in denial denial, denial there's something on memory bias or something. Basically, you're like you look up there and you're like most people tend to go back, so they take the leap and then they go back because they're scared of the unknown and we're conditioned to actually do that. So what I do to help people move forward and face the dragon, as they call it, in the hero journey, face the fear. You to them, you've been here before. Like life isn't like a linear line. Here's point A and here's point B, and then when we get here, it's all done. We're sat in a castle with the princess and the gold and all that kind of story.

Speaker 2: 17:57

It's a circular thing. We're, basically, we're in a place and then we go through some shit. Inevitably we go through some shit. Inevitably we go through some shit. We're not going to listen to it now. Eventually something's going to happen, whether it be health, business, whatever. It's never normal. So you go through some shit, right. And then at some point you're forced to overcome it, or you end up in a dark place, right? So you overcome it and then you're like, hey, we've grown, we've achieved something, right? Well, then something else comes up. You're in this loop, right, it's a loop, it's not a linear process.

Speaker 2: 18:25

So once I explain to somebody and get them to go, okay, tell me a time when you was like in this place and you never thought you were able to get out of it. And then they tell me a story where there was a job or they lost the job. Okay, so you were here, right, you was in a job, you were secure. And then you're like, oh, it's okay, it's okay, there was nothing to go back to, you had to overcome it to the fact that they'd been in a very similar situation. Then I have something to work with. You've been here before. It's growth. So then we tap into what they want, why they're motivated to change, so why these things have happened. Then we'd start breaking down the process. And then we'd start breaking down the process. You're only in one of three places. You're either in the top you're like I don't know what I want, I know there's something different. You're in the bottom, where you're scared. You're like you know, don't go left or go right or go. You're down. Or you've achieved it, you're anything. Now what?

Speaker 1: 19:14

and that's a cycle yeah, there's a letdown, I know, after doing a big project. Every time you feel so elated and just buzzing and then all of a sudden it's over and you don't have that feeling anymore. It's like I don't know if it's the dopamine or the adrenaline or what it is, but it's gone now. So you got to try and find it exactly that way though right.

Speaker 2: 19:33

No, the thing is that and here was a revelation for me, I think they come from steve kotler's the art of impossible and they've now done research. They thought that dopamine was released once you actually achieve the goal. It's now being actually like research that dopamine actually gets released once you have the feeling like it's got a little internal voice and it goes. Maybe you should go to get rid of your apartment in scotland, get rid of your car and all this kind of stuff and just become a digital nomad. Not normal, but you've got this dopamine in here. That says that's an amazing idea, an amazing idea.

Speaker 1: 20:05

So this is obviously Is your base.

Speaker 2: 20:07

Yeah, yeah. So basically, that actually happened to me in Scotland. I went to Scotland for a reset after COVID and I didn't get some time out by myself A whole I know different story, but it got to the point where it was December 2023, it was December 2023. When I'm like my time is done here, I need to change. Idea came from get rid of the apartment, get rid of my car. So what if you bit the hat? Don't do it, have a look, and I'll just pick up a digital nomad and create this new business. Here we are.

Speaker 2: 20:32

It's this internal feeling and then I share it with people and they're like going that that's like super cool. So I'm like they're the not normal people, the not normal people, right, they're like going, no, this is yeah, do it. This is like super, super cool. So I arrange all that. So the point I'm making is that I've told people I've got this enormous dopamine here and I'm all fired up about it. And then I go and give my notice, to give word on the apartment, and I'm like going, fuck, what am I doing? So I am in the valley of despair, but the dopamine is now running out Like reality is now in harm. That's where my own personal belief is. That's where a lot of entrepreneurs come up, because they have this great idea which we're all. We're all creative. We have this great idea. Share it with a few people. This is like, this, is it? And then they get all like super excited. The dopamine runs off, and then they're isolated anyway. Will it work? Would not work.

Speaker 1: 21:35

so then they are in the valley of despair yeah, I've always been the kind of person I like. Change is scary for all of us, there's no question. But I always feel like if there's something that I'm in my life that I'm changing or I've got a large goal that I'm trying to achieve, the excitement just outweighs the fear for me. But I find with a lot of people that's kind of the opposite. Right then maybe they're stuck inside of some pain or they're living in that valley of despair if they're an entrepreneur but the fear of the pain, of what they don't know, is greater than the fear of the pain they know. So they regress back.

Speaker 1: 22:12

And I know, working with Robin Sharma, he had a lot of different techniques that he would get into to help you get over that valley of despair and not allow yourself to go back.

Speaker 1: 22:23

Get over that valley of despair and not allow yourself to go back. Whereas what I see with what you do, it's almost like you're ripping out a piece of bad programming, a piece of bad code that's running in our mind and you're replacing it with good code. So even when we're not there at the event, a lot of people go to Tony Robbins events or something like that. They get all motivated, they're pumped but you're going to achieve something. You go back home and you instantaneously hit the valley of despair because you're not with those people at that conference, you're not feeling the elation of that motivation that was being artificially induced. But what I see with you is you instill this new programming so that it can continue on even if they're not with you or they're not at the event, and then they can use that new programming to get themselves over that that valley of despair. Hump, would you say. That's accurate?

Speaker 2: 23:05

yeah, that's definitely accurate. I think there's numerous things that come into play with that. You talk about the tony robbins event huge respect for tony robbins. I've been to those events and that they're like paying their bonkers. But it's so dopamine fueled it's like crazy and the come down from it is bonkers. It's like going on the best holiday ever. I've been surrounded by the best friends ever.

Speaker 2: 23:25

Like time of day when you come home, obviously the dopamine dies down. You're like, oh god, I've just spent six grand on a call. Nobody around me understands what I've just been to, because they think you're like you're a member of a cult now with there's no tribe, there's nobody around you. But what I do is I explain to somebody. It's a strategy, like you just said, it is a program that's running. It's like trying to break a habit.

Speaker 2: 23:48

Trying to change your life is just like trying to break a habit on a bigger scale, and that's why the great book that we both enjoy Atomic Habits starts with something small. It isn't just okay, you're going to work with somebody. Say you work with me and we'll sit down and remove these negative patterns. We can understand as to why you've been acting like you do. We can align your value, or it's going to. If you put yourself back in the environment the environment is huge, I cannot express this enough you put yourself back in the same environment and, surrounded by the same trigger, you're going to go back in the same pattern. It's not just about changing what's up here. You need to change your surroundings, need to change everything around yourself, your own personal habits. You can't expect to get the same result from the thing that caused you the problem.

Speaker 2: 24:32

I know what you mean about removing the programming and I think people go well, that's not possible.

Speaker 1: 24:40

The program, the learned behaviors, they can unlearn something, that's it yeah, yeah, it's like, the tools and techniques and education and tactics that you use to get you to this point are not the same ones that are going to get you to the next level. Yeah, you need a whole new set of tools and abilities to get you to that next level, and this is something that I've seen like just not just with your average people, but big entrepreneurs who are making hundreds of millions of dollars. I've been in the boardrooms with them, behind the scenes, where they're not publicly facing, and they feel these same fears too. Everyone's trying to achieve the next level and everyone's looking up to the person or the company or whatever it is that's beyond them, and there are fears associated with that. But yeah, I completely get it for me it's in this very simple, it's fun.

Speaker 2: 25:25

There's only three parts to what I do. It's working backwards, like you need a strategy, get whatever you want to get to and I genuinely believe that, other than elon musk, he's obviously wanting to go to mob. Anything that's ever been what you want to do has already been done. Like, to a degree, there is a strategy already in place. I'll now go from zero to 100 grand in your first year of business, right, but it's not just about the strategy, and I think this is where a lot of entrepreneurs and business owners get so excited. It's fantastic idea. I see them do it, so I can do it. Right, if it was just about the strategy and being able to follow the strategy, then we'd all be selling the pot of gold or dancing with unicorns. Whatever the goal is right, we'd have already achieved it, but going backwards from that. So strategy is the final one. So that's like step three. Step two is the final one. So that's like step three.

Speaker 2: 26:23

Step two is the story. It's the story you tell yourself. Right, if your story is, you're in. If you're like going oh, this is amazing, you're dancing, you're in your concert, but you go. Yeah, but I don't have the money.

Speaker 2: 26:36

Once the dopamine rides down, then the little the voice in your head kicks in I don't have the money. You get all the excuses going yeah, you've seen your head kicked in. I don't have the money. You get all the excuses going yeah, I don't have the money, I don't have the location, I don't have the friends, I'm not fit enough, I'm overweight, whatever, whatever the story is in your head, right, it's the story. That's the difference between you and the person who's achieved a certain thing. I have no idea what Elon Musk's story is. I don't have the capabilities, it probably doesn't exist in it. But so that's stage two. You need to change your story. If you've got an internal story that says I'm not good enough, you're not going to achieve the strategy point that's even taken.

Speaker 2: 27:12

And the first step is your state as in, like your physical state as in like your mental state. You're in and I can relate to this. I'll talk personally about myself. If you're in a place where drinking has played a big part in my life, if you're in a place you have so many crazy ideas, so I'm like I'm going to achieve this. I've got to go all in on that, but you have some drinks because you're buzzing and exciting the amount of time I've taken a notepad down to the pub. It was a fantastic idea. She's a great idea the next day because obviously drinkers is a depressant and anathetic. It can have a big, huge part on your mindset yeah, how's the slingshot repercussion towards doing that?

Speaker 2: 27:49

right. So my thing is you can't expect to get the same results, but you're in a different state, so you need to change your state, like what's the state you need to be in in order to be able to change your story? Because if you're in a state where you're doubting yourself and you're not loving yourself, you don't have that internal love for yourself or that internal belief, you're not going to change your story.

Speaker 2: 28:09

And if you don't change your story, you're not going to be able to achieve the strategy. Three stages all three of those need to be in place and to change your state is, for some people, very difficult but a very easy thing to do would just be go for a walk, move, change your state, try jumping up and down with a smile on your face and feel miserable yeah, I often get writer's block or creativity block.

Speaker 1: 28:32

I'll either go for a hike or go on my bike, or sometimes I just sit on my back deck in the sun with my ipad reading a book about business or something. I find if I put myself into a different environment and forget about whatever is bothering me for a little while, then all of a sudden the ideas start to come and the creativity comes back. So, yeah, sometimes just getting yourself out of the normal setting like if you're always sitting here at your desk, you're probably not in your best creative self no, I mean you're coming from.

Speaker 2: 29:00

This is like taking things to a whole new level. This is where the not normal thing is going, and it had to be. Yeah, not normal brand had to be something that people can relate to. But where I'm actually going with this, people are going to go. This is definitely not normal. If you think about it. Ai is a great analogy for this. Right, the AI can only do the best it can do by the information that it's got at its disposal. Right, it's like it can search the web for the solution based on the information that you actually give it, but it's useless without that information.

Speaker 2: 29:35

So talk about the state that you're in now, when you have a writer's block or a creative block. Is that you're coming from a conscious place? You can be going? I need to get this done. I need to get this done. Is that you're coming from a conscious place? You can be going? I need to get this done, I need to get this done.

Speaker 2: 29:46

So then you're not in a creative place because you're stressed to a degree. You're stressed like when has anybody ever made a logical decision when they're stressed? Oh no, there's a freaking bear coming. We need to run away. Good decision. Yeah, but that's an innate thing.

Speaker 2: 29:58

It's counterintuitive that we say, okay, when we're in a stressed state or in a non-creative state, we should stop, because then as entrepreneurs the way we are, a lot of it we need to push through. We just need to push through this particular barrier and then we'll get there Teaching Exactly. Right, but you're coming from a conscious place. But obviously, if the needle's moving, the more and more anxious you're getting about not receiving the result, then the more and more stressed you are. The more and more stressed you are, the less you're actually in tune with your internal abilities. What's the word Resourceful? The more stressed you are, the less resourceful you're going to be right. People who are in deep depression is that they're really struggling because they don't have the resources? They, people who are in deep depression, is that they're really struggling because they don't have the resources? They're not able to access the resources. When you actually step away from this conscious state, you go on your mountain bike or I know for a fact, you don't go for a walk.

Speaker 1: 30:54

I don't really like walking. You've never mentioned it.

Speaker 2: 30:56

You've never mentioned it.

Speaker 1: 30:57

And again eternal joke.

Speaker 2: 30:58

We walk a lot in Yorkshire. Canada is just different.

Speaker 1: 31:00

Oh, lots of people walk here in.

Speaker 2: 31:02

Canada no lot in yorkshire, canada, it's just different. Oh, lots of people walk here in canada. No, clearly not, but anyway, we digress. But there is a pit bull terrier outside wearing pajamas, freaking only in san diego, right, the pink pajamas are a pit bull terrier, that's I thought you were trying to do some mind to king.

Speaker 1: 31:15

No, we're not. You're being serious.

Speaker 2: 31:17

I wish I could just flip the camera around, because that's weird only san diego, san diego, only in california, california anyway going back to this and this is where I'm coming from with the ai perspective, right, is that? Think of all the things you make 50s I figure you're 60 now, I think where it's like 50. We've got years and years of knowledge, right? It's just not accessible from the conscious state, sitting there in our subconscious waiting to pounce yeah, exactly right.

Speaker 2: 31:43

How many times have you like gone for your mountain biking? Right, you do your meditation or you do something. You step away from it and then you like that. Yeah, an idea comes from somewhere like just access the subconscious level exactly.

Speaker 2: 31:58

So what the unconscious does on on some level is, in a very basic way, it's there to find solutions, right, needs to find solutions. To give a quick example of this from a mentalist point of view say, darren brown is an english guy, so basically he's like a magician, but they do like mentalist things. So they might say to a person come on stage and basically they'll be going, you're having a great day, nine today and you're like going. Did that person just say the word nine? No, I wouldn't have heard it. So you did pick up on it consciously, right.

Speaker 2: 32:34

But the unconscious basically then turning around and thinking why do you say nine? Why do you say nine? There's this pattern running in the background. Why do you say nine? And then they go okay, pick in the background. Why do you say nine? And then they go okay, pick a car from the deck and count, count nine cars down from the top of the deck or something like that, right, and you go oh, how many cars do I need to count down? And then nine, because you've asked a specific question. The unconscious already has the answer, so it'll come up with nine, right?

Speaker 1: 33:02

you just planted it that's why you go.

Speaker 2: 33:04

That's why he knows it's like the, the nine of hearts, nine cards down. You could pick any number, but he's basically programmed you to choose the number nine you should. Unconscious has given the answer. So it's the same. When you actually step into this creative space where mountain biking, a more of a relaxed space your unconscious is basically going I need to find this solution for Shane. I need to find the solutions for Shane. What's the answer to this thing? And it's digging deep. It's like an AI. It's digging deep for all this. It's running for me doing all the work, exactly. It's running in the background and it's like accessing anything and everything that you've ever been through. Imagine consciously trying to process that. There's no way we could do it. This is why AI is incredible. Unconscious is exactly the same thing. It's able to.

Speaker 1: 33:48

What's really amazing, too, is when that happens. Right, it just comes to you and you're like, where did that idea come from? And usually it's the best idea you've ever had. And you just don't even know where it accessed from, so interesting idea you've ever had, and you just don't even know where it accessed from so interesting.

Speaker 1: 34:01

And I was just going to say our minds, evolutionarily speaking, have evolved over tens of thousands of years to the point where that amygdala, that little piece of brain that is the oldest part of our brain, it thinks it's keeping us safe all the time. Right, by doing these things it brings up the red flag. Oh, I've seen this before. I don't know what it was, but there's danger here, so I better not go there. And yet, as entrepreneurs, as business people, as just people living in this world, now we're faced with what our brain or our body thinks should be fearful, when in fact it's not.

Speaker 1: 34:38

So, if we allow our brain and our body to just go into that running that old program, we get stressed out and then we don't access those deepest recesses of our subconscious to come up with great ideas and be creative. So what do we do? I don't know if you have the answer to this or we have to. Somebody would have to work with you a little bit. But what do we do as people that are aware that this piece of our brain is there and we're aware that it thinks it's keeping us safe, but it's not really, because we're not really in danger anymore. We're not cavemen living out there, worried about the leopard pouncing on us. So how do we, on a day-by-day basis, overcome that stress defense?

Speaker 2: 35:14

mechanism. You probably want to get specific on what it is. What actually is the story? Catch yourself. What is the story? I don't think a lot of the time we're actually conscious of it. So say, for example, numerous people who have said to me, who have been through, let's say, not the best relationship from a romantic point of view, and they've turned around and they get into their 50s or whatever late 40s and they go I'm done, no more relationship. No more relationship, I'm done, I don't need to be with anybody, right? And then they got this story running like in their head. Right, we, we start, we strive for connection, right? There's also a pattern in the head. The unconscious is like going. I mean they meet somebody like going, just gonna want to let you know. Last time you got involved with somebody didn't work out too well. I always think of the unconscious and the conscious is like your best friend. It's like your friend turning around to go going. Mate, last time you did this didn't work out too well for you.

Speaker 2: 36:16

I don't think we should go there because she was in a shitload of pain. Your best mate is like best mate's, telling me this and I trust him and I love him and we're connected, so I ain't going to do that anymore. That's an example. So how do we actually overcome that? Is we actually had to convince your best mate that there was a lot more positives came from that and you're a better person from it. For example, I've been through.

Speaker 2: 36:41

My track record of relationship is not great at all right, but I look back on some of the ones that might have the most impactful ones, which were probably the worst ones as well. But going through once I'm able to go back into that relationship from an unconscious perspective and we call it in time, my therapies is a process you can do for that, basically any kind of semi-unconscious state where basically, you're able to access the unconscious consciously and you'll be able to get what they call the positive learnings from it right. So maybe you've been in a relationship and you come out the back side of it and like you're broke. For example, you've lost everything, you're homeless. It's hard to explain on a podcast, it's too deep, but basically you, you talk to the unconscious in such a way where the unconscious actually gets to learn you're okay. In fact, you're a hell of a lot stronger.

Speaker 1: 37:33

In fact, you're a better person for going through that relationship right you got a lot of probably didn't feel like it when it was happening.

Speaker 2: 37:40

Exactly right. It is a very simple explanation. Say, you're going to the gym or going for a run the next day, it gets a little bit easier. The next day you grow right, you stretch your muscle, so I believe you're expanding your comfort zone by going through these challenges. It goes right back to what we were talking about.

Speaker 2: 37:55

Every time we do this, we're expanding the comfort zone, we're learning something, we're learning something, and then everything is tied up together right. And then when you go, okay, we're going on a mountain bike ride, because I can't get a solution for this, accessing all these different things, and that's why these people who are, I couldn't say, not normal, but that's me right, so it's the people who are normal don't have the resources to tap into because they haven't had the experiences. And I think that's why some of the best entrepreneurs and some of the most creative entrepreneurs are the people. When you they go, you look at them. You're like going, they've come out of nowhere and they've got a ginormous success. But when you look at the backstories, they've been through like hell, the majority of them, and they've had some more failures than they've ever had.

Speaker 1: 38:35

So yeah, that's what's made them not. Average is what it is, because the normal people are probably suffering way more. Yeah, yeah, it's interesting, can you? So, out of all of this? We've talked a bit technical and around the skirted around the issue, but do you have a story maybe you could share with the entrepreneurs, the listeners that are listening to this podcast right now, that might resonate with them as to how you might have helped somebody in the past that was an entrepreneur, a business owner that needed to level up. Maybe they weren't depressed or anything, but they just needed to level up. How did? What's the story behind that? How did you do?

Speaker 2: 39:09

that it's hard to pick. Well, I'm just going to go with the gut, just how I do. Majority of my work is going from this gut instinct. So wasn't necessarily an entrepreneur initially, but it was somebody who wanted to actually like break through and do their own thing. So this person came to me when I was and I just got back from san diego.

Speaker 1: 39:31

Like the meeting you yeah, clearly you, clearly you were on a high. I was on a high after meeting shane johnson. Motivated heart goes without saying.

Speaker 2: 39:37

Yeah clearly right. So I've known this person for like numerous amount of years. We've done some trainings and stuff like that together. Doesn't like to learn some nlp training. So this person came to me but I think it was about two weeks after I got back from san diego and I'm flying right. So many crazy stuff again, so many stories to tell. So many crazy things happened whilst I was in san diego and I flying felt like I was just so aligned with who I truly was. And this person met me and she's like going no idea what's going on with you, but I need some.

Speaker 1: 40:06

I want some of whatever he said.

Speaker 2: 40:08

I want some of that. Right, I want some of that. Yeah and um, we sat down and had a coffee and she still knew what was going on in her life, but basically, in short, that she'd been in the same job for 10, 12 years but they'd moved around different departments and she was no longer happy and she was no longer content in that and it was really affecting on like a mental health and in a physical well-being to the point where she was looking to get on that. She'd been to the doctors numerous times looking to get on some medication, but she had, like, lots of other passions. She said I'd like to do my own thing, but I don't really know. You know what I want to do, so I went okay, so we'll come.

Speaker 2: 40:41

Come to the bu, as we used to call it, and the breakthrough university like headquarters and it's a big whiteboard. The long story short is basically we mapped out her head like unconscious values, beliefs, stories, everything, a massive whiteboard and like we mapped it all out on this big wall and we dug really deep. We did some strategy changes with her to change some of the stories that was in her head and to cut a long story short, it's probably about a four or five hour day and I remember her being at one end of the room, me being at the other end of the room and it was so blatantly obvious. There's no way she could ever be happy in that career. She had to leave it Right. And whenever we talked about her like mountain biking and climbing and hiking and stuff like that, that's the thing that she really loved to do and writing that she really loved to do. Whenever she talked about she just little. It's a clear sign. That's what your purpose is.

Speaker 2: 41:32

You can just tell on there, yeah, you just tell right, and this is why I love it so much. And I remember sitting at one end of the room and me sitting at the other end of the room and she's scanning this whiteboard. Like I said, it'd be quite a long day and it's quite tiring. When you didn't, so do I bet. And I'm like going. So what are you gonna do? And she's like scanning. It was so funny because she's scanning this whiteboard looking for an excuse, looking for an excuse not to take the leap, and she's looking for all this kind of stuff and she's looking at the leap and she's looking at her stories and stuff like that. She went, she came to me and she's so smug. She's like going, I know why I'm not going to do it like she's. It was so funny because she felt like she'd got one over it.

Speaker 2: 42:13

She was just looking for that reason to why she couldn't do it. Scary, this person's been in the same job 10, 12 years. Scary, she's got a decent wage.

Speaker 1: 42:22

It's a defense mechanism.

Speaker 2: 42:23

Yeah, they've got a mortgage and all these different things. So all her internal passions are still flying like a little voice in her head going go, do it, go, do it, take the leap. But then the conscious mind is going don't do it, don't do it, mate. Like this didn't stay safe, stay safe, stay safe. And what she came out with looking like super smug is she was like going, I don't value myself, that's why I can't do it, which is the key, right?

Speaker 1: 42:49

so like a kind of a revelation for her.

Speaker 2: 42:53

She probably innately knew it, but didn't admit it, yeah, but she was using that as the excuse as to not do it because I don't value myself enough to be able to take that leap, which is which is a great takeaway from this podcast, if somebody's listening to it as to why you don't actually like strive for your dreams because you don't value yourself, which then goes back to the state. But going back to this story is she's I don't value myself and she was like so smug to let go. That's the reason I'm not doing it, right? You don't value yourself, no, no okay.

Speaker 1: 43:28

I would think that would have been the reason she would do it because, oh man, I don't value myself. I really need to change that.

Speaker 2: 43:34

I need to value myself if you're like if you spent all your life. Think about if you spent all your life knowing you could be so much better than you are and you've reached the core. You've created a habit inside of yourself that reaches the core For 10, 12 years, 15 years, 30, 40 years. Living that life. You have created a habit. You've got this voice like come on, let's live, go and do something, let's get excited and the little boy's great. No, play safe, sit on the city, watch netflix. Yeah right, go to work.

Speaker 1: 44:07

We'll just watch a movie and live vicariously through the actors, exactly, yeah, yeah exactly so.

Speaker 2: 44:11

You've created that habit. You've created that state. You got the state. Yeah, you got the story. There's no point in trying a. It's not going to work. So she was basically using that. That's my story.

Speaker 1: 44:23

That's my story. I'm going to stick to it. So I said to her.

Speaker 2: 44:26

I went okay, so you don't say you value yourself. No, Okay, what the fuck are you doing here then? And she's just like Good point.

Speaker 1: 44:38

What are you doing here? Spending this whole day working with me, kind of thing, exactly, yeah, yeah, and she just I do value my snow instant change, followed by you bastard big smile on the face, fucker. You found out my internal what's going on and you brought it all out. And now I can't.

Speaker 2: 44:57

It's broke the strategy. There's no way the strategy could run anymore, yeah, so she was like okay, I've got this idea, I want to do this, I want to do this. Okay, no, I don't value myself Very good Now. We've just worked out how we would finally come around as to what I do. We go to the point okay, if we remove that thing, the strategy can't play any longer because she's like going. Actually I do value myself.

Speaker 1: 45:25

No, I've not got no excuses anymore. So did she afterwards did she quit a job.

Speaker 2: 45:28

What? Happened, she went out, quit a job and then like right away like right away she had to give like a notice or something, I think she went into and she had a medical doctor's note, I think. So she was able to give I can't remember the exact detail.

Speaker 2: 45:39

That's a long time ago and she did it she did it, but then she went on to make, got a blog. I think she started with her own blog doing mountain biking and then she started writing like trail book, like taking photos and stuff for a blog, and then she got employed by a mountain mountaineering magazine to write articles for them and then she used her writing skills to become do pa releases for adventure magazine, sports and websites and stuff crazy, doing all the things that she loved and valued highly, but was just like what we talked about earlier.

Speaker 1: 46:10

Sometimes the pain of that change we feel like it's going to be greater than the pain we're living in. So we choose to just live in the pain we have now because we know it. I I love that pain because I know that it's familiar the point I want to make here is it was there. It was that tiny little thing that was just a little tipping point, but it took a whole day to get to it because she had to reveal it to herself with your help exactly.

Speaker 2: 46:37

Obviously that's like a full, full blown breakthrough session which people pay me a good amount to to do a lot of money yeah a lot of money for, because it's life-changing sweet.

Speaker 1: 46:48

So can you like for listeners on the podcast here, is there something you can do? What can they do as a next step if they're feeling like they're caught up in the valley of despair or something's just not working for them? Is there something small, a small step that they could take? Is there something you could help them with? Or do they need to sign up for this full? You know day session that's going to cost them an arm and a leg no, I think yeah, sign up for it, join the queue, it's only 10 grand or 12 grand or something yeah, then if you go to not normal, dot one as in like as in one.

Speaker 1: 47:21

Yeah, there's a website there.

Speaker 2: 47:23

Okay, I get it yeah, so I'll put a link down here on the podcast. Sweet, that's me sounding like a san diego sweet. So, yeah, if you go to not normalone from there, we'll have a community, initially the free community, and it's going to have the resources there from the BU, the BU Breakthrough University. We created a 27-video program. It only takes three and a quarter hours. Oh good, so you pre-recorded a digital program for them.

Speaker 2: 47:50

It's basically everything I took that person through on that whiteboard, oh nice, but it's broken down into 27 different mini videos and you're going to give that for free, free access for somebody right, thank you. So just go and join the community and hopefully meet your tribe right.

Speaker 2: 48:08

And from watching the videos and I really encourage people to ask questions inside of the community- because, there's people inside of there who've probably got as many questions as you or go through the same problems and challenges as you, and I understand that most people, people, a lot of people can't afford to work for me one-to-one to make those changes. But if they first of all make that step in change and understand the, the fundamentals that you need to change your state, then the strategy can come afterward.

Speaker 1: 48:34

Yeah, so if they decide to join the free community, definitely make sure you watch those videos. I know a lot of people will join something and the videos are sitting there on your collecting digital dust on your hard drive and they just never go in and do it. But if they go in and spend what? Maybe a half a day?

Speaker 2: 48:49

yeah, you can just do it in bite-sized chunks, but it's like what we talked about previously.

Speaker 2: 48:54

It's the dopamine hit. So you might listen to this podcast and you're like going. Some of the nuggets that we just discussed here is like really hitting out to me, like I'm going to go to notnormalone Okay, I'm going to sign up for the community, join the community and you're like it feels so good, I've taken a step in the right direction. The dopamine's there Okay, we're going to start watching these videos. I want to watch that Netflix series before I go and do that.

Speaker 1: 49:20

I series before I go and do that, and then I'll get to that later.

Speaker 2: 49:22

I'll get to that later, and when does later happen?

Speaker 1: 49:23

ian tomorrow never comes, right, never, tomorrow never comes tomorrow.

Speaker 2: 49:25

So I understand that and it used to frustrate when I first started out doing this. Used to frustrate the heck out of me because I'm like I could see so many people who could really do with these insights like I did. I didn't believe it when I first. So I understand, understand, but now I've accepted it. Majority of people don't take any action.

Speaker 1: 49:42

Yeah, good, so we're just coming up to the hour of our podcast, so we're going to close it down, but I've got a couple of last questions for you. So, ian Darley, what scares you? I know you're going through. You're a digital nomad. You spent some time in Scotland and then you were back to England. Then you were back to england, then you were in czech. Now you're in san diego. You were in canada, you're all over the place. So what are you doing? That's scaring you right now and what's driving you?

Speaker 2: 50:07

let's put the magic wand back okay that's like funny all over the place story of my life that I think really not normal, not normal, not by any way. Shape for me. I think that the thing that scares me is not fully like stepping into and delivering all that I know that I can do, um, like I haven't got it all down. My own, my internal beliefs stop me. I have the voice in my head by going are you good enough, are you crazy? But who can listen to it? All of those things as well.

Speaker 1: 50:36

So my kind of-. So you're trying to level up too, like all the rest of us.

Speaker 2: 50:43

Exactly. I can't emphasize enough there is no dot with this, it's a cycle and we're all growing and we're all improving and it never stops, never, no. But even that you've met these people as well. You've worked with high flyers and stuff like that, and even you've said to me like now it's like I've got everything nailed and they're like no, what happens if this doesn't?

Speaker 1: 51:04

work. They've got their own thing and they don't believe as well.

Speaker 2: 51:06

But my biggest- fear, I think, is like not leveling up to the degree that I can do and I feel like I'm very in tuned with my unconscious, the little voice, and I get a good, I get a good kick in the head every now and then from him if I just sell.

Speaker 1: 51:21

Yeah, so you're doing what you talked about earlier, where you're getting yourself, you're forcing yourself to be in a different environment. You've gotten rid of all your possessions, the material, extrinsic stuff, and you're working on the intrinsic stuff by going to different places, meeting different people, getting creative and helping more people.

Speaker 2: 51:39

Yeah, would that be about right? Yeah, I'd like to be, I think, a big part of.

Speaker 2: 51:44

If you're striving for something, you've got to be congruent with it yeah and those people who like say, okay, I can help you lose weight or get really fit, and then they're on spade and they clearly could do it personal training themselves and the same with, like, relationships or finance. But you've got to be congruent. So, with me doing what I did and stepping fully outside the comfort zone, getting rid of the few possessions that I had and, uh, becoming home post, it's very congruent with me. Getting comfortable is probably the key getting comfortable with being uncomfortable nice good segue to the ending, just the.

Speaker 1: 52:20

The last question I have is just a catch-all. Just, was there anything that we didn't get to talk about that maybe you wanted to share?

Speaker 2: 52:27

I think we've covered, covered a great deal. I think I think it's gone really well. I think the only thing I'd like to say and people hear so many times, like life is too right, so true, you go tomorrow. And again, I believe it is also true is the older you get, the faster you go.

Speaker 1: 52:45

That's so true, and it's a euphemism, we all say it life is too short. But what do we?

Speaker 2: 52:50

actually do about it. Listen to that internal voice, make friends with that internal voice, even if you do do a tiny thing that makes you feel good. Yeah, just to test it. That's the way we grow, yeah.

Speaker 1: 53:02

Life to show. I love that saying. I can't remember where the quote came from, but it's something along the lines of just take the first step on your journey to wherever, and the universe will conspire to help you.

Speaker 2: 53:12

Yeah, I think the hero's journey would be a great thing for anybody to relate to, so they can relate back to the life again, cool.

Speaker 1: 53:18

Great. Thank you for being on the show.

Speaker 2: 53:20

Ian.

Speaker 1: 53:20

We really appreciate it and everyone who's listening. Make sure you go to notnormalone O-N-E, not the not normal one and join the free community. Make sure you watch those videos and level up, level up. Life is short, life is short. Thanks, ian, talk to you soon.