Chatty AF

S1 - EP8 - The Hidden Story of Service: How 9/11 Shaped Adele Garcia’s Path

• Rosie Gill-Moss • Season 1 • Episode 8

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Welcome back to Chatty AF! In this episode, I sit down with Adele Garcia, an extraordinary woman I met at a retreat in Michigan. We bonded over shared stories, and I knew her journey was one I had to share with you. Adele served in the U.S. Army, and her story is one of courage, resilience, and tough choices.

Adele opens up about joining the military at a young age, driven by a sense of adventure and a desire to see the world. Her early days in the service were fueled by purpose and curiosity, but everything changed on September 11th. That day reshaped her career and outlook on life, transforming her path in ways she hadn’t expected. After 9/11, Adele felt a renewed call to serve her country, but that commitment came with sacrifices that impacted not only her but her family as well.

Through our conversation, Adele shares the difficult choices she had to make to continue her service. Balancing her duty with family obligations meant making heart-wrenching decisions, missing significant moments with loved ones, and coping with the strain that military life placed on her relationships. Yet, through it all, Adele’s dedication only deepened. She navigated the challenges of being away from her family while finding strength in the camaraderie of her fellow soldiers and learning the importance of resilience and support networks.

This episode is a powerful exploration of how major life events can redefine our values and priorities. Adele’s story reminds us that growth often comes from life’s most challenging moments and that even the hardest choices can lead to a life of purpose and strength.

Resources and Links Mentioned:

This episode is for anyone who’s ever faced tough decisions between duty and family, and for those seeking a story of resilience, purpose, and the transformative power of shared experience. Grab a cup of tea, get comfy, and let’s dive into Adele’s world together.


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Disclaimers: The content of this podcast is for informational purposes only. The experiences and opinions expressed by the guest are personal and should not be taken as general advice. Listeners are encouraged to seek professional support for similar issues. The producers and host are not responsible for any actions taken based on the information provided in this episode.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Hello and a very warm welcome back to Chatty AF. You're here with me. I'm your host Rosie Gill-Moss. Throughout this series, I've been incredibly fortunate that I've been able to speak to some truly inspirational people. And I want this to become a platform, a place if you like, where people can come and tell their stories. Many of you will know that this is the sister podcast of Widowed AF, which is where widows come to tell their story. And what I realised was that There was still a place or a gap for other people to tell their stories. And along the way, I keep meeting the most incredible people. And today's guest is no exception. I met Adele while I was on a retreat in Michigan last week. And we got talking around the table as women on retreats do. And we were sharing war stories. And the reason I sort of paused on that, that's that word is because Adele's story is a story of war she was, in the American military. I know the bare bones of her story. I know it's going to be a good one. And as I said, I hope that this does continue to become a place where we share the difficult stories, the things that perhaps people aren't talking about, or we get some advice from the issues that people are talking about., I've got more incredible guests lined up. Um, some of whom are going to really bare their souls about some. Some pretty traumatic stuff as well as some inspiring stuff. But anyway, I'm gonna stop yakking on now because the next voices you'll hear will be me and Adele Garcia. Hello Adele and welcome to Chatty AF. It's absolutely fantastic to have you on today. I did do a little bit of a pre record before we came on and just to explain that we met in America last week and I was so keen to get you on that I managed to pin you down within about three days of getting home so thank you ever so much for doing

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Absolutely. Thanks for having me here. I'm excited. Yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

it's cool, isn't it? And it's kind of nice because often I'll meet people on the podcast and then I'll meet them afterwards whereas I've met you in person first and managed to persuade you on the podcast so a little bit different this time around. Now, the reason I am so fascinated to talk to Adele is we were sitting, you know, as women do, having a chat and Adele said that she used to be in the US Army Now that in itself is kind of unusual. I don't think I know anybody, any other women who are in the military. And as we were talking, you know, you shared with me some of the things that happened to you whilst in the military. And I guess I just wanted to find out more. And so when I said to Adele, do you think we could have a conversation on microphone? I'm sort of like, please. And you said yes. And I thought this is such a wonderful opportunity for me to find out more, but also to talk about something that. There isn't a huge amount of information out there. I, I don't know much about women in the military at all. So, I'm going to kick off, I think, by getting you to just tell me a little bit about yourself, where you come from, and, um, you know, what prompted you to go into the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Sure. Yeah. So, um, I, you know, during my high school years was keen on going to college. You know, that was like, that's how in America, like, you know, you go to high school, you go to college, that's it. Unfortunately, nobody really explained to me how you pay for college. And so when I was a senior, um, you know, I get, I get accepted to the university I wanted, and then it came down to, there was no money. Like my parents didn't have any money for me and there was nobody to help me like get loans. And I really didn't have many options. And so at 17, I decided to join the army because, um, that's kind of, I don't want to say that's the only way out, but like, if you don't want to stay in your hometown, you don't want to work in a factory, you can't go to university, it's like that's usually the only alternative, um, at least in the 90s it was. So I joined at 17. My parents had to sign over their custodial rights to me because, um, I didn't turn 18 until almost halfway through my training. So I was just a kid. He was like over the moon excited because he was um, he served in the army during the Korean War era. Um, so he was over the moon excited. My mom was very terrified. I don't think she was really comfortable with it, but between my dad and, and, and me, we, we really persuaded her to sign the papers. So she didn't have a choice.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Seventeen year old girls

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Right, right?

Rosie Gill-Moss:

can't they?

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So yeah, so I joined, and um, It was definitely a culture shock. It was the first time I ever left, on a plane before and I was by myself going to a whole different state. Um, and you know, it was a huge life lesson for me. A lot of people didn't think I could do it. I was very much a girly girl in high school. Um, you know, I ran, I ran track, I was in a lot of theater, um, just was your typical girl. And so a lot of people were like, why, why are you joining the army? And people would even say, well, it's okay if you quit, like nobody will be mad at you. Nobody will be disappointed. And then it was like, well, no, I can't quit. Like I have to do it. Um, so I was motivated. I'm like, I'm going to get through this no matter how hard it is. And I'm going to prove everybody wrong. So that's kind of how it all started.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I'm thinking of the Goldie film, Goldie

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yes,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

if I'd gone into the military. How did you find that? Because it must have been such an enormous culture shock from being at high school to being

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, it was, it was terrifying. I'm not gonna lie. And back in, this was in 1998. So back then, you know, the military is a lot different now. Um, but back then, you know, we didn't have cell phones. We didn't have social media anyways. Um, and so you, it was, you were completely cut off from everything. Um, I don't think I got to call home. I think when I got to South Carolina, we got to check in and just call like for 30 seconds and just tell your family I made it okay. And then I think it was like a couple of weeks before you got to like communicate with anybody outside of the military. Um, so it was very isolating and the way I like to describe it is that they do for better or worse, a really good job of stripping you down and just. completely deconstructing everything you know about life and then building you back up into the soldier they want you to be, um, for better or worse, like I said. Um, and so at the age of 17, you're so easily impressionable. It's not hard because you only know what you know from your family. Um, and so it was a lot of culture shock, a lot of exercise. out a lot.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

This is,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, a lot of push ups. Um a lot of uh, we call them cherry pickers you stand and you put your hands out and you just like kind of like Like do this with your hands um, just picking your fingers, but like

Rosie Gill-Moss:

See, it

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

No,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

easy, but you know it's not

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

no, not especially when it's like an hour long and you're just standing there doing so lots of just uh, Mass corporal punishment. Uh, that's like the army's way. At least it was Speak to it now.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And is that like, right, everybody drop and give me 50 push ups,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yep And you know like they when you hear the drills drill instructors say half right face You That means you're going down and you're going to be doing pushups for a long time. And, uh, yeah, yeah. So, um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

how, as a 17 year old, did you take that level of, um, authority? Because I'm thinking back to myself as a 17 year old, and, you know, I was very much two fingers at being told what to do in any circumstance. Did you, did you push, I'm, I'm, I'm, can I interrupt you because I'm so interested, but did you sort of push back to that

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

no, no, I was terrified. So I grew up going to Catholic schools. So I was already kind of programmed to like, you do what you're told you follow, you know, you follow the priest, you follow the nuns. Um, and so from that aspect, I was terrified of the drill sergeant. So if they told me to do something, I was doing it. I wasn't. You know, and I would observe other people that would push back and then see the trouble they got into. And I was like, no, like, so I was really good about like recognizing the patterns with other people and then being like, okay, if I don't do that, I'm going to get ahead. So here's an example. So, um, there's no alarm clock. So you just had to know when to get up in the morning. Um, and. Well, yeah, well, the drill sergeants would come in and wake you up, but if you waited until they woke you up, you would get no time in the bathroom. So like there was one, we call it latrines. You'd have like 10 sinks, 10 toilets, and there's like 50 girls. And so everybody, it's just chaos. And so after like two or three days, I realized I'm like, wait a minute, if I can program myself to get up before everybody else, can like tiptoe down to the bathroom, do my stuff, come back, and then I can help my bunkmates. Get up, get ready. And so that's what I did. I just trained myself to literally get up without an alarm clock. Um, I don't know how I did it. I just programmed my brain to like wake up before everybody else. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

But do you know what you mentioned there? And you sort of slipped it in without really noticing, I think. And it's the fact that you got up early and then you went to help your bunkmates.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

well, yeah, because like, if everybody wasn't towing the line when the drill instructors told you to, then everybody got in trouble. So like, you know, and that was part of my, and I truly believe that was part of what they were shooting for was that like, they wanted us to learn how to work together. Yeah. And you're only as strong as the weakest person in your area. So we had four bunkmates to like a little quad area. Um, and so I had one bunkmate that was just like an awful, she was not a morning person. Like she was awful. Like she just dragged every day. So it was like, okay. Like if I can get up, get ready, and then I'll drag her to the bathroom, make her bed. So like, maybe in hindsight I wasn't really helping her because she didn't, you know, get to take care of everything on her own. But I was like, I just don't want to see her in trouble. Like, I just Yeah, I was like, whatever I can do to make it easier for everybody, I'm all about it. So that was like my first like lesson.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And that's it. And it's interesting, I was going to ask you how many women there were in the army at this point, I mean, there were in your regiment, excuse me. Um, and it's interesting you said there was 50, so this is at the training

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

there was probably, I would say between 50 and 75, if I remember correctly. Yeah. Yeah. But there were,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And you're kept

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

um, so our, we did all of our activities, all our training was co ed, but then we slept separate. So we had like a whole, like, you know, to the female. Yeah. Um, and trust me, there were still people that like snuck away to do things. And I was like, are you even wait, like, and then you get in more trouble if you got caught. So I'm like, why are people wasting their time doing that? Like, just, just, wait. All right, exactly. But um, yeah, so I mean, you know, I just, it was a culture shock, but I think once I realized those patterns and what I could do to like make life a little bit easier, I just kept doing that. I just kept my head down. Um, you don't volunteer. You never volunteer in the military because if you volunteer, you're screwed. Um, and you look because like if you've only if you like make a recommendation, like you're like, Oh, I have an idea, drill sergeant, they'll be like, Oh, that's great. And you can lead it. You can do it. Um, or if they were looking for, um, they like to call things a detail. So like if they need people to go pick up trash or do any sort of task, they call it a detail. They'll say, we're looking for five soldiers for a detail. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

gets really excited and

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, I'm like head down, head down. You just wait to be told what to do. So learn that too.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

how, and how long were you in

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Um, I believe basic back then, remember I left, I left end of July. I think it was about almost 12 weeks. I had a little bit of like a holdover because we got to South Carolina and the drill sergeants were on vacation. They got like, they call it blackout period in the summer. So they get like two or three weeks off to kind of like go home, you know, relax before they get back to it. Um, so I, unfortunately my timing of getting there was like right during that blackout period. So I had like three weeks of where like we were in basic training, but we weren't training yet. So we were literally just working out every day. And then we started basic and I want to say I graduated right in the beginning of October. So it must have been, yeah, about two months and then, and then you go to your advanced training. So then you have, what's called AIT, which is your advanced individual training. Um, and

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And is that

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

that's where you get your specialized training. Um, and so depending upon your testing before you joined, like if you do like what's called, um, you know, different, like they call it ASVAB. Um, I don't remember what it stands for. Yes, like the aptitude test. Yep. So they got kind of tells, you know, the army like what you're suitable for And then depending upon your scores, you usually you get to pick a few different options for jobs. Um, so I uh Had to change my job because the other part too is like when you're when you're negotiating your contract for money like for college money um, my first job I was supposed to be like a quartermaster like in charge of like operations, supplies, stuff like that. But I wasn't getting the college money that my recruiter promised me. So when I was reading my contract, I'm like, Whoa, time out. Like I I'm doing this for college and there's no college money. And he's like, Oh, well, whoops. Sorry. I'm like, No, I We have to go back to the table here. So we had to renegotiate and then, um, I was forced to change my job. So then I became, um, a fuel handler. So basically, um, well, it's called petroleum supply specialist. Um, so basically everything related to fuel, um, pumping gas, but like setting up actual gas stations, learning how to drive and, um, operate like the big, uh, like the big truck, like you see, like the gallon tank, 5, 000 gallon tankers. Um, Oh my God, horrible,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Yeah, I can't even reverse my own

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

but, um, yeah, so that was all my advanced training. Um, so after basic in Fort Jackson, South Carolina, I went to Fort Lee, Virginia, and that's where I did my advanced training

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And how

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

there.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

you there? Sorry, I've got no concept of how long these things take, so

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

no, that's okay. I think that was about eight weeks. Um, I remember, I think I, we graduated right before Christmas because then I got like a week off at Christmas before I had to report to my duty station. So yeah, so all in like July to December was all my training.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And then, when you get stationed, do you have

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

You, they, they let you pick like your top like three or five picks, like where, like what posts you want to, but you really have no control. It really comes down to your job and what units need bodies, you know. so I, I ended up in Fort Lewis, Washington. So all the way across the country, um, and you know, it's interesting. I actually like, I grew to love Seattle and that whole area because that's kind of, when I say Fort Lewis, like that's the best way to describe it is like Seattle. That's, you know, kind of the area it's at. Um, it, when I got there after the holidays, I was not aware that it like literally rains in Seattle for like, six months of the year.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

You've just been in where? Carolina?

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

um, there's like no sun like ever. So I spent like the first three months like completely depressed. Like, you know, again, still isolated because like, I'm a, I'm a private in the army. I don't have a lot of friends. Um, and I'm in a new state and it's gray and dreary and rainy. Um, so it was like, that was a whole nother adjustment to make was like, living on my own as a soldier in a really depressing state, but I grew to love it. Like now I love Seattle. So,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And I'm guessing that when you're in the training, you're all kind of in together, there's that, I'm guessing, I might be wrong, but there's a bit of a camaraderie, like you were saying about the bunks, and so you're kind of all in it together. And then you must get separated from a lot of the friends that you've made, sent off to somewhere completely different, and you're describing the UK in January there, it's bloody miserable. Yeah, wet, grey, depressing, yeah, horrible, horrible. Okay, so when, so At this point, you're, you're quite young still,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. Now I'm like, yeah, 18,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

and, and so you, you've obviously, you've committed to the army, you're in, and you, you're in, um, you know, near Washington, so what happens next? When? Again, I'm

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

No, it's okay.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

really ignorant, but you're primarily based in the army base, you live there, and at this point, is there any kind of whiff or sense that you might be seeing active

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So I was active duty. So like, um, this was, now this was all pre nine 11. So back then, you know, we were peacetime. Um, and you know, but, but you still trained as if a, you know, a combat situation could come up at any time. But honestly, like, we didn't take it serious. At least my unit, we didn't. We used to joke about it. Like, I remember, like, having to do POW training, where you learn, like, you know, what you're supposed to say, what you can and can't say to your captors and stuff like that. And we used to be like, We're never gonna get captured like there's no war, um, you know, so we like, you know, and plus again, we're all like 18, 19 year old kids. So like to us, it was like this joke. Um, and even like a lot of our trainings, you know, they, um, a lot of our trainings refer to previous battles, like Omaha beach, um, you know, and D Day and stuff like that. And so like, and they would take us through these drills just like the soldiers during World War II. it was so hard for us to relate to because, you know, it's, it's 1998, 1999. There's just, there's no concept of like something could happen to us. Um, but we.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

It's been, there's been a significant

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

right, right. I mean, there had been, you know, obviously international, um, affairs that had happened where like certain, you know, parts of the army or the Marines would go like, um, Somalia in the nineties, you know, we, you know, we helped out there, but there hadn't been any major conflicts. And so we would train every day. Um, I lived on post. So like when you're a single soldier in the army, you live in what's called barracks and they're basically like big dormitories, essentially, you know, usually you have like one or two roommates. You have a shared bathroom, um, and then you have a chow hall, a cafeteria, but we call it chow halls. That's where you eat all your meals. Um, so everything's supplied to you. You have no bills. I mean, it really, looking back, um, I'm so mad at myself. I didn't save more money because like, we had no bills, like literally, like everything was covered. So whatever you made in your paychecks was just extra. And I blew it off. Like I never, I didn't save a penny. Um, and so it's like,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

No, but this is like when I worked and lived at home, you know, I could have probably saved for a

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

for somewhere, but no,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Oh, yeah. We blew it off. Um, but yeah, we would, we would get up every morning and we'd work out, we'd shower, eat, go to work all day. And then sometimes you'd work out again after work and then you'd party. Like that was like, that was your life, you know, you just, and on the weekends you party pretty much from Friday night till Sunday night and then you'd get up Monday and do it all again.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And then got up and, oh my god,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Exactly. Yeah. There's no way I could do that now.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

So then, obviously,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

fast forward through time a little bit. Feel free to stop me if there's anything you want to include prior to this. Um, 9 11, obviously we all know that date and we all know what a significant moment in history that was, but being in active service in America at this point and being, were you still

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

No. So. this was a really, talk about, I don't know if you want to call it serendipity or what, but my husband, so I met my husband on active duty. Um, we got married September 11th of the year 2000. So we got married one year before 9 11 happened.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Oh, so it happened on your

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

and so we were married on September 11th, and then we both got out of the military, um, the end of July of 2001. So we left active duty, returned to Michigan, that's where my husband's from. So we returned to Michigan, and we were living in an apartment. Um, I had transitioned from active duty to what's called National Guard. So like, you know, it's still, you're still in the National Guard, you train, um, one to two weekends a month, and then a couple of weeks in the summer. And then typically, in theory, National Guard, uh, troops get deployed for, like, hurricane relief or, like, national disasters, but not normally for, like, international affairs. That's active duty. Um, so when we got off active duty, I'm like, I'm going to join the National Guard because I just, I really missed it. Like, as soon as we got home, I'm like, I still feel like I need some connection again. Um, let's see. I was just shy of my 20. First birthday, right? 2001. Yeah. Yeah. So I was 20. Um, and, um, we, you know, we came home to Michigan and we were literally had the day off of work for one year at wedding anniversary when 9 11 happened. And so. We were at home with our baby. She was six months old and, um, we saw, you know, we watched everything. Oh yeah. Yeah. I had a baby too. So that's the other thing in the army. Usually like, um, couples get married and have kids really fast. Like, it's just like, I don't know why it happens, but it just does. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Do you think there's an element, and I'm just thinking about my other podcast here, do you think there's an element of knowing that your time potentially could be cut short because of the nature of what you do? So you're like, let's rub it, let's

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

I think so. I think so. And it was like contagious because like when we had our daughter, I think we had like four or five friends, um, that also had kids at the exact same time. Like there was like five, yeah, there's like five female soldiers all pregnant. on base to get like just in my little by my little company. Um, and so yeah, it was like this, I don't know, feeling of like urgency, like you needed to like get your family going. Um, so yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And actually on that note, how do they, how did the military respond if, um, to, or did they respond back then to having pregnant women? I mean, is it something that they're a bit like, oh, for fuck's sake, you've done all the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah, they,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

pregnant? And

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

I think it depends on your unit. Um, I was lucky enough to have a female commander. So our captain was a female. Um, so that definitely helped. Um, I tried to actually keep my pregnancy quiet for a long time because I don't know, like, I just, I didn't want to be treated differently. Um, and so I didn't start showing until I was like seven months pregnant. And so, um, I finally, though, had to tell my sergeant because, um, we had to do some training that was going to require us to be around a lot of fuel. And I was like, Oh, I probably shouldn't do this, like while I'm pregnant. So I like pulled him to the side, I told him and he was so pissed. He's like, why did you wait so long to tell me? He's like, why? Because there's so much danger. Like I, you know, could have put you through like how many rips. I'm like, Oh, it's fine. I've been, you know, careful. And, um, and so, yeah, so then at that point, once like they know you're pregnant, they put you on office duty. So you are not allowed to drive trucks. You can't be out in the, what we call the motor pool and like working on trucks. Um, so I got all of us pregnant women. We were all in the office just doing office work. Um, yeah, we were benched. Um, I, I was allowed to drive buses, so I would drive like school buses for a lot of like the ROTC cadets. Honestly, that was awful because I would get like really nauseous from all like the fumes and stuff So I don't think that was any better But um, at least I got out like I didn't have to be stuck in the office But once I was once you're like a big pregnant woman in the military. Yeah, you're you're done Like there's nothing for you to do really? Um, and then once the baby, you only get like six weeks off Uh, at least at least back then. Yeah, so like I was

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And do they provide

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

No, so they have daycare on base, but you have to pay for it, so you have to figure out, yeah, and back then, I remember, um, my friend, her son was in the military daycare, and I went to pick him up one day. And when I saw the conditions of these little kids, all snotty nose and they were all touching each other and I was Nope, my kid is not going to military daycare. Uh, we, yeah, I was like, we found a woman that did, you know, home daycare that wasn't affiliated with the military and she was amazing. And so we used her because I'm like, no, my kid's not coming home sick every other day, um, from daycare. But, um, yeah, I had to go back to work six weeks later. Um, and my first day back was weapons training. So I was out, um, at the gun ranges, re qualifying on my, my rifles with like my boobs full of milk, trying to like stay calm. Yeah. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

the recoil.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. No, nowhere to pump, nowhere to like take care of things. And I'm just like sitting there like, you know, just. Wanting to be home with my baby and I'm shooting a gun. this is safe. Yeah. It's wild. Think of it now. Yeah. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

So, so take me back then. So it's your wedding anniversary, and you presumably get the news that the twin towers have collapsed. And what goes through your mind at

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

We were watching the news and we watched it live when the second tower was hit and then when they fell and I remember just holding our daughter, you know, she was just, she wasn't even walking yet. And, um, I remember just thinking like, this is it. Like, I didn't know what was going to happen, but knew, I just joined the national guard. something, something's going to happen. And it's, it's never, nothing's ever going to be the same again. it was a while, the, the first, the rest of 2001 and 2002. As far as the military goes, it was pretty much mostly active duty soldiers that were deployed to Iraq and then well Afghanistan and then Iraq. And then we found out, my unit found out in 2002, um, we were all gonna be trained to become truck drivers. That was, they didn't tell us why, but we knew we were like, Ooh, they don't just invest all this training for nothing. Like there's something going on. So we all had to go through, um, scrap our old jobs, get new jobs as truck drivers. And then probably the summer of 2003, I feel like, or maybe the, maybe early fall of 2003, we got the call that there was a unit from the east side of Michigan that needed, they didn't have enough soldiers. So like, it's all about body count. And so like when the army, when like active duty army, Pentagon, and when they say, okay, we need this many truck drivers to go to Iraq or to go Afghanistan, they'll have like a designated unit, but then if that unit doesn't have enough bodies, they have to pull from other places. And so this unit in Michigan on the east side of Michigan, that's what happened. They were the primary unit, but then they didn't have enough people. So then they basically had a pool truck drivers from all over the state of Michigan to go with them. And so me and my buddies, we were, we got the call. We, it was voluntary. We didn't have to go. Um, but most of my platoon was going, they were like, yeah, we're going to go. We're going to do it. We just kind of, I don't want to say we wanted to get it done. At the time, the war was really early. The invasion had just happened not that long before. Um, and we were really confident that like, this was it, like, we're going to go, you know, we're going to support and then the war is going to be done. Like, you know, um, and so I went, I'm like, why not? You know, let's, cause if I don't go now, I'm And all my buddies go now, if I get called later, I'm going to be with all new people that I don't know, I don't trust, um, I don't have that camaraderie with.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And I'm, is there also an element of

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Oh yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

here, you know, your, your buddies are going, you don't want to let them down, why should they go and you

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, I, back then, the sense of nationalism and like pride in our country, um, that was probably honestly the last time I've seen like our country like unified, but not because there was, there was a lot of, um, I don't want to get too much on that soapbox, but there was a lot of racism towards people of, uh, Middle Eastern descent, um, which is really unfortunate. Uh, yeah, it was very, very unfortunate. Um, so. But I would say that for in the military, for sure, we were like ingrained, like, this is what you've trained for. This is what we had always been told. Like, if this happens, like this, you know, your job, you go to war, like, that's what you do. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

it's making me go all kind of goosebumpy, I suppose, because I'm thinking of this 17 year old girl that went straight from high school into military training. And then you're at home with your baby, you're having, you know, a fairly, I'm not going to say a low stress life because I've had a baby, but you're living a fairly normal life, a normal existence. And. At what point do you, how, I'm picturing the conversation over the dinner table. Darling, I think I'm going to go to Iraq. Um,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

my husband's always been so supportive. Like he's just, you know, um, always been like, you know, you need. Like, I need to decide, like, you know, I need to do what's right, um, but with him being a, you know, a military too, like, he understood, you know what I mean, like, it was like, yeah, of course you have to go, like, this is what you've trained for, um, but it was terrifying to think of losing, leaving, leaving my daughter behind, so she was, my daughter that was at the retreat with us, um, yeah, she was, um, just, just shy of four years old, so she was like three and a half when I had to leave her. And, um, you know, trying to explain, like, I can't even, ugh, it's, like, so emotional because, like, You just can't even getting a kid that young to understand that mommy has to go away and you know,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And even reassuring them that you're coming back, because in a small child's brain, like, a day is, um, could be a

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

right, right. Yeah. And so, um, that was hard. And, um, you know, I would just tell her like, you know, mommy has to go fight the monsters. Like, I have to go make sure the monsters don't come to you, which looking back again, probably not the best thing to tell a three year old because now, right, right,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

in, is the alternative, I'm going to war,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Exactly. Right.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

for them? You're using a language and a

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Right. Yeah. So

Rosie Gill-Moss:

did you know when you, when you sort of signed up to go, have any idea

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

that we knew it would be a year. So a one year deployment, um, but that, that did not include like the, the ramp up. So we left, we got the news, I think it was like, yeah, like September ish of 2003. We had to report to how Michigan, I think right after Thanksgiving. And like, we spent like the month of December in the other side of Michigan, on the east side of Michigan, kind of just preparing, getting to know the other soldiers, kind of like, kind of like, you know, trying to get us all to get along, um, and then we got to come home for Christmas, spend a couple days with our family, and then we left for Wisconsin, which is hilarious because it was middle of winter and Wisconsin is like, brutal winters there. And so we were sent to Wisconsin to train for the desert. So we were literally training in like, I'm not even exaggerating, like the temperature there gets like negative 30 degrees sometimes. It's like, it was like freezing, like your eyelashes would be frozen. Um, I mean, like you couldn't have any sleep.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Just like

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. And so we trained in Wisconsin from January through the end of February, so almost two full months of training. Um, but back then the war was so new, like there wasn't even really any, we were still training off of World War II tactics and strategies because the whole concept of like war in the desert was just, it was completely new. Um, and so, like, they literally were training us the way they trained the World War II soldiers, and it was completely, um, out of date, but there was no, there was no other concepts out at that time. It's completely different now, um, but yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And is driving through snow similar to driving through sand? Is there

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

I mean, yes and no, um, a little bit, but really though, the weather was the worst part of it, because when we left Wisconsin, it was freezing, and we landed in Kuwait. And it was, um, you know, like the first week of March, but it was already like 70, 80 degrees there. And so like you go from like negative temperatures to like 70 and you're like heat exhaustion. Like it's so hot. Um, and then you're not used to the sun because again, Wisconsin also, there's not a lot of sun in the wintertime. Um, and so you go from like this, this dark, dreary, cold place to like the desert. overnight and it's like just oh yeah yeah yeah

Rosie Gill-Moss:

the leaving to go, knowing that you're not going to see your husband and your daughter for a year because that is a concept that for so many is like, shit, I don't, I don't know if I can do that. But obviously dads do it a lot because lots of dads are in certain military have jobs where they work away. And. I just, I'm just so interested to know how you protected your sort of maternal heart in this because you must have had to always compartmentalise

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yes you do you literally um you you have to take all of it and you just you just stuff it away and you have to do your best not like it sounds heartless but you really can't think about it. Yeah, you, you really can't because you'll, you'll, you'll drive yourself crazy. Um, and I mean, I did a lot of journaling, a lot of writing back then. Um, but even then sometimes that would make it worse. Um, and I was fortunate when I was still in Wisconsin, my husband and my daughter would come to visit because it's only like six, seven hour drive. Um, so they would, you know, come up a couple of weekends

Rosie Gill-Moss:

That's like the whole length of the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

and that's just going around Lake That's just like going around the lake. Um, but, um, so they came up a couple times, but honestly, like, it almost made it harder because, like, I would get to see them and spend the weekend being a mom again, and then they would leave, and so it was like this, like, the mental gymnastics I had to play with myself, um, was really hard. So when we finally left, Um, you know, this sounds really morbid, but you, at least I did, I wrote like my goodbye letters in case I didn't make it back. Yep. So I had one like for my husband, for my daughter, for my parents, um, you know, and you always like have those in a safe spot. So like if, if you don't make it back, like whoever's your closest soldier, like Fred would know where to, you know, get those letters out to give to your family. Um, so like once I wrote those letters and sealed the envelopes, it was like, okay, like I'm not a mom anymore. Like, I can't, I can't worry about, you know, I have to, I have to have full trust that my husband and my family are going to be able to take care of her, um, and that they're, they're going to be okay. And I just have to focus on my job and that's it.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And when you were out, um, so you flew into Kuwait and then you went to

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Uh, Iraq.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

there. Uh, so, oh, oh, you went to Iraq, sorry. Um, so when you're stationed somewhere like that, and obviously we're going back quite a long time as well, so you haven't got your mobile phone, um, my dad actually covered, covered the, um, the Iraq war. So he

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Oh, wow.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And I used to miss him terribly. And he would occasionally, very occasionally, be able to use a satellite phone. And it would be a really, really bad delay. Couldn't really hear him. But we would love to just hear his voice. And my dad was out there as a journalist. I mean, he was in some danger, but not to the same extent. Um, were you able to phone home at

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. So we would, um, we had like phone tents, so they had like, you know, tent set up with like multiple phones back then you still had to have pay car or a phone cards, like, you know, like, you know, like kind of like, uh, the pay ahead. Um, yeah. And so like, and it's back, I remember back then, like that was a big, that was a huge, uh, kind of like fundraiser that a lot of people did in the U S like they would, a lot of people would donate money or like buy the phone cards just to send a unit. So that way, that way we didn't have to worry about, you know, using our own money. Yeah, but usually you only got a couple minutes, you know, on the phone if you could get through because the phones, you know, like, you know, um, it wasn't always the best connection. Sometimes it would just disconnect and then you would try again and just like the phones were down. So then it's like, oh, gosh, like, then I worry about like, you know, my husband be thinking like something bad happened. One time I was. yeah, One time I was actually in Iraq. I was tied, waited in the line for like an hour, got to the phone, called my mom and then a mortar, um, a mortar shell landed on base and everything just cut out and she heard and she heard the explosion and, and then I, and then I couldn't and then I couldn't call

Rosie Gill-Moss:

mum.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

for like a couple of weeks because like the phone, like it just took, it took everything down. Um, and then we were on the road and yeah, my poor mom, like just awful.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Do the military sort of like, check in at all? Again, excuse my ignorance, but, I'm thinking if that's happened on base, is there like um, like any sort of signal sent back home? No, nothing. Oh my god.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

So for two weeks your mum did not

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. I mean, I wrote letters, you know, like, so I would write all the time, but like, even that was delayed because like mail pickup, it wasn't like, we didn't eat. We'd write our letters. We turn them into like our kind of like operations quartermaster office. But then like. You didn't know when the mail was going to get picked up and sent to Baghdad to get flown out, you know, so like a letter could take two to three weeks to get home. Um, and

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Did I read your letters? Mm

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

we were, trained to be, you, you, you could never like give details. So they call it OPSEC, operational security. So like, you know, you can never, um, tell your family like the names of missions or like the names of roads. Um, you know, you were never allowed to, if, if like other people in your unit got injured. You never like told your family about that just in case like their families don't know um, But I don't know if they actually read our letters or not. I wouldn't be surprised if they did Um, but I don't have any evidence,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I'm just thinking because, obviously, you're at war, aren't you, so they've got to be certain. Okay, so tell me a little bit about what it was like, um, in Iraq, because you've said, you know, about the immense heat arriving in Kuwait, and it's not going to be any cooler where you end up. So, talk to me about the base you were at, what the kind of atmosphere was

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So when we got to Kuwait, we were there about a week or so kind of getting just getting organized. We had to wait for our equipment. So we flew, but then all of our equipment had to get shipped over on ships. So we had to wait for all of our stuff to get over in the port.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

they just look

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

during that time, a lot of soldiers were finishing up their mission. So a lot of people were leaving Iraq. And so we were at Camp Doha in Kuwait. And, um, man, you would see some of these guys and, and women that were just, just battle worn. Like their uniforms were like completely faded and they just looked haggard and tired. And I remember, um, being in line for chow behind like two guys that, you know, had just came back and they had just been told they had to go back because the war like had really, Nobody, I think really anticipated what. was going to happen. And the insurgents, you know, the insurgents were very smart and adapted very quickly to the military tactics. And so, um, the first armor division for the U. S. Army, they spent 12 months there and then they got post, they basically got extended and they had to go back for another six months. And so like, you talk about devastating, like, you know, you finish your 12 months, you're looking forward to going home. And that first year, um, that was a rough, like the invasion was a rough. year for those guys and women. Um, and so I just remember, like, they were telling us how, like, it was hell because they were infantry. And so, like, they were just, you know, telling us some of the stuff they had been through. And I'm like, oh my God, like, what are we doing? Um, and they were like, well, you're just a truck driver, so it'll be fine. Like, you're just, like, don't worry, you're not going door to door, so it won't be that bad for you. And I'm like, thanks, but I don't feel good about this. Um, and then, um, Our first mission. So we had to drive from Camp Doha to Iraq and, um, Iraq is a movie. Um, so we had to go to Northern Iraq. So like probably, uh, Anaconda, which is considerable, a lot of Iraq. It's, um, Northern. I believe on a normal day, there was just an average, not a war. It should be like a five hour drive. I think. Um, yeah, it took us like 24 hours. Um, because we. So we had to take back the first armored division. So we had to load up all these tanks onto our, our truck trailers. With the soldiers in their tanks. So we had to take the tanker men with their tanks back to Iraq. So they were, they were pissed off. Um, they were really bitter and like, I don't think they meant to like be angry at us, but they were angry at us because here we are like the greenies. Yeah. You know, we're all like. Happy to help. Happy to be here. And they're like, you have no idea what you're in for. Um, we made it maybe a couple hours into Iraq. Um, the first couple hours, it's southern Iraq is like just a vast desert. It's just a vast desert. And it's wild because as you're driving up the main road, which back then it was called, we called it MSR Sword. Um, so MSR stands for Main Supply Route. Um, so MSR soared and, um, there were still blown up vehicles from the Gulf War, like in the sand and like, it was just like this, like just miles and miles of desert with all these old, just blown up vehicles, and it was just like, so spooky and like. it was. it was. very dystopian. Um, and a lot of times the road, the sand would just blow over the road. So you couldn't even see the road anymore. So you're just driving straight and you're like, I hope I'm on the road still. Like there's a truck in front of me, so I'm just going to keep driving. Um, we were just south of,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

nobody wants to be the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

wants to be in the front truck. And, uh, we were just south of Baghdad and there was, the problem was they had sent so many people into Iraq that day. Like there were, they call them, we call them convoys. Like that's what, you know, when your trucks are driving, um, there were so many convoys that it was like this, like just long traffic jam on this one road. And so the insurgents were like, Oh, they're sitting ducks. And so they just started just pinging, like just randomly you'd have, you'd hear small arms fire. You know, and again, this is our first day. So we're like on super alert. We get stopped and we're stopped for like ever. So we get out, we're pulling security. We get going, you go a couple miles, you stop again, and we had our first attack. And so we had our first, um, RPG, which is like a rocket, rocket propelled grenade, um, that hit one of our trucks and we had a soldier get hit. And so we had our first injury and we weren't even, we weren't even in Iraq 24 hours. We already had one guy down. We were like, Oh my God,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

he survived. Um, and we used to joke, we, uh, that's army. We tend to like joke really sickly with each other. He got, uh, he took shrapnel to like his behind. So like, um, we, you know, yeah, he never lived that down.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Fun at Metal

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Um, and, uh, yeah, but he survived. Um, but it was like, Oh shit, like this, This is real. Yeah. Um, and everybody, you're always paired up. You're always paired up with a battle buddy. And so, um, my battle buddy, Shane, he was what we call a gunner. So he was on one of the gun tracks with his, his machine gun. So I had another, uh, soldier with me for the day and he was young. Like I was only 23. He was, I think, barely 18. He was like just a kid and he was like, he wanted to be brave. He was brave, but like, he was terrified. And so, and in fact, like, before we had left, like, I had promised his mom, because his mom was, like, so terrified of him leaving, and she's like, please let my boy come home. And I'm like, I will do everything in my power to make sure he comes home. Um, and we were both, like, we were sweating, man. We were. It was scary. I'm not gonna lie. Um, and we just, just had to stay focused. And I'm like, you know, the one point he was really freaking out. I'm like, dude, I'm like, like, you just gotta, I'm like, just snap out of

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And that must be, and that in itself must be scary. The person that you're with is kind of

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

You don't want to draw attention to yourselves. You, you need the person with you to be calm. And so in a, I guess in a way it might have helped to calm you because sometimes when you've got to take care of somebody else, you put your

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yes. Yeah. It's like, almost like the mom, like the mom mode kind of kicked in, you know? And it was almost like, okay, he's, I'm just going to treat him like he's my baby and like, gonna have to like, take care of him and take care of me and keep us alive. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And if, again, ignorant about the army, but if you at this point went, No, this is not for me. I want to go

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. I mean, you, you have to, uh, There were a few people that, um, had to prove they were mentally not there, like mentally insane. Um, but the problem is when you do stuff like that in the military, you get, you get medically discharged. Um, normally you, you usually get an honorable discharge, but like the thought of quitting was like so shameful to me. Like, there was just like, there was like, that wasn't even a consideration. Like,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I'm guessing that's something that's kind of hammered home very early on in your training because otherwise you'd have everybody would walk up

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. You don't, you don't complain about being sick. You don't complain when you're injured. You don't complain when you're sad or scared. Like you just, you know, when they say like, you just drive on like you soldier on, like, that's what it means. Like you, yeah, You just do what you gotta do and you don't complain. So, um, which looking back too, like as, uh, a veteran has made it so hard to accept help now because. It's so hard to like, say, okay, I am, I am messed up. I do need help. Um, because you're just, you're so ingrained to think, I don't, I don't need anybody to help me because I'm a soldier, I'm tough. Yeah. Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Now, You mentioned there that, that you did need some help, um, and I'm just wondering whether you would be comfortable telling me a little bit about what led you, because I, I know that you

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

which is not uncommon in veterans.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm

Rosie Gill-Moss:

in widows, so there's a parallel there, um, and PTSD is often the edit. Okay. so if you're comfortable doing so, if you would just tell me a little bit about what, uh, what happened next

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. So after that first day, um, it never let up. every day we were, once we got to our camp, we literally dropped off our gear and the very next day we were back on the road doing missions. And it was nonstop because our, our job as truck drivers was to deliver supplies to specifically the Marines, but also a lot of our infantry units that were like at these smaller camps, um, because a lot of the airstrips in Iraq were completely blown up. So, the only way to get goods to everybody was driving them. Um, and so we became the targets for the insurgents again, the, the insurgents, like, they. Yeah. We're always a step ahead. Um, you know, we, we invaded their country, so like they didn't want us there. And so, um, they were always a step ahead. And so once they realized that, Oh, all these trucks driving, they've got all the goods. If we take them down, we're, we're, everybody else is just at a standstill. Um, and so when I say every day we were attacked every day, every mission, we were either getting hit with small arms, fire, uh, roadside bombs, IEDs, um, RPGs, mortars. Every single day now we didn't get injured every day, but we would have trucks get blown up the first couple weeks. It was a lot of close calls. So, um, leading up to May 25th, which was I'll get to that in a second. But leading up to that, like, my truck, I was driving, um, we started hearing small arms fire and all of a sudden a bullet just flies by my face. Like, I literally feel it right in front of my face. And then the guy that was with me, um, Noah, he's like, we both look at each other and we're like, Oh my God, we felt it.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Jesus. So literally, you

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yes. And then, And we, and the truck was hit because we could feel, we could hear the pinging off our truck. So once we finally got to our stop, you know, we're, we're assessing the damage and a bullet had went straight through the gas tank because the gas tanks on, on semi trucks are these huge like barrels, you know, on the, on the bottom of your truck, we had a bullet hole straight through it, which thank goodness our, our gas tank had been like a little under half full. Uh, because we didn't, it, it hit towards the top where there was no gas. There was, yeah, it was wild. So that was like the first really big, Oh shit moment. Uh, that was like, okay. And then, you know, if it wasn't our, go ahead.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And what, sorry, I've just got to ask this, but what does it feel like to be in this armoured vehicle when there are bullets flying around? literally hitting the thing you're in and you have to just

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. You just keep driving. Yeah. Yeah, we don't. So our job as truck drivers was just to get to our destination. So we were always told the infantry will come in like we, we obviously would suppress fire. So we would, we would fire back. So like, sometimes like if you're driving, like I would have one hand on the wheel and I'd have my, my rifle over my left arm balancing, pulling the trigger as I'm driving down the road. And, but there's no, I mean, you're not, there's no way to aim. Like, you know what I mean? Like your, your bullets are just spraying without. Yeah. Um, and then whoever's in the passenger seat, obviously they can be a little bit more strategic, um, but you know, you're Driving um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

shoot. I mean,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

but yeah, and you don't have any clue if you're actually hitting a target or not. And so that was our mission. Our mission was just keep driving. Get out of Dodge, let the infantry come in afterwards, the recon units, they'll come in and they'll clean up the mess. You know, that's, that's their job. Um, so that was just what we did. And, um, but it's wild. Like it. It's just like weird adrenaline rush, uh, and you just, you're constantly in fight, like you're just constantly in fight mode. There is no, I mean, I guess in a way flight mode because you are driving away from it, but you're just constantly at this like heightened sense of like on edge and just not knowing when the next bullet is going to come, you know, when you're going to hear the next,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And your only option is fight, isn't it? Because

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Right, right.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

So, and gosh, yeah, I'm thinking of your

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Oh, yeah. Oh, just through the roof. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Okay, so tell me now what happened

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So May 25th, um, we were on a return trip. We were, um, for probably a couple weeks we had been going to the west side of Iraq to like just north of Fallujah. This was in, um, Like April and May of 2004 was when it was really heating up in Fallujah, and we were getting ready for like the big attacks in Fallujah, uh, because at the time that's where a lot of the insurgents were staying, and so the Marines were getting ready to like just lock down that city. So we were We have been constantly bringing more and more supplies to the Marines. Um, there was another town right above Fallujah called Al Tiqadam. We call it TQ. Um, so we would go back and forth to TQ all the time. And, um, the easiest way to get to TQ was to like, basically like, uh, Iraq, you know, has like the Tigris and Euphrates river that kind of come down the middle of the, I don't want to say the middle, but kind of the center of the country. Um, going through Baghdad usually is the easiest way to get like up and around to go to Fallujah. Um, however, Baghdad was like awful. Like it was just very, very dangerous. And so a lot of times we'd have to go north, which was a super long drive, um, but also had its own dangers. That day, uh, we were, we were cleared to go through Baghdad, but we were supposed to stop at the airport. So the Baghdad International Airport, we had, the army had took that over. So the airport was, was an army base. And when the city was too dangerous to drive through, a lot of times we would enter the airport and you kind of like, I mean, Baghdad airport is a huge airport, um, massive. Um, so we basically would like drive through all of the streets of the airport to kind of cut across the other side of Baghdad. On that day, uh, I found this out later. I didn't know it at the time the truck I was driving. Um, I was we were the first truck. Uh, so when we talked about like you never want to be the first truck. Well, I I didn't want to at first, but then I realized I'd rather be the beginning of a convoy than stuck in the middle. Because at least then I felt like I just had a little bit more, I don't want to say freedom, but like I'm leading the charge. Yeah. So we had, we had our gun truck one and then I was the first semi truck. So we, our lieutenant told us we're not going through the airport, we're going through the city, we're cleared. That's what we were told. So we're going through our route and we get stopped because there is another potential roadside bomb up ahead that is being cleared. Okay, so we stop we're pulling security and I'll never forget my battle buddy the machine gunner Um, he was with me on this mission when we were pulling security he walks away and he like go and he's looking at a ditch and i'm yelling at him like get your butt over here like That's not our job like stay with the truck like, you know We gotta get ready to go and i'll just never forget that because less than five minutes later we get going and um The highway system in Iraq is very similar to, um, the US, um, where, you know, like, you've got, like, three or four lane highways, and then you have your ramps that take you, like, up a ramp to a bridge. So, we were on this, like, highway, three lanes, and we have to get onto a ramp to go up a bridge, but there's, you know, another ramp coming onto the highway, you know, because you have, like, your entrance and exits. So, as we are getting On the ramp, I'll never forget. I saw this little car and I made like the guy driving it. We looked at each other. And then the next thing I know, we're going up the ramp and we're about halfway up the ramp and just the loudest explosion. Like, I've ever experienced goes off to the to the right side. So, like, there was like a chain link fence, you know, like, um. And so I don't know, we don't know to this day if it was like a bomb planted on the fence or if it was an RPG. Um, but an explosion went off, hit my truck. The whole impact came into the, from the side window. My battle buddy, um, lost his eye. Didn't know it at the time. Um, but everything went black. It was just like the most deafening sound, but also the, the darkest black I've ever encountered all at the same time, and I'm still driving and I'm going up the ramp. And so, um, you know, I don't, I've likely probably lost conscious for consciousness for a couple seconds. I don't, I really don't know. You know, there's like, there's like this, like probably 10 to 20 seconds of my life. Like, and it seems. Like a really short amount of time, but it was really long too. Like it's weird to explain. Um, But I the one thing I remember was that the first thing I realized I could feel the truck I was holding on to the steering wheel That was the first sense that came back to me was like I felt the truck like kind of like shaking But I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything And then the the next thing was the cloud of smoke kind of started clearing, but I still couldn't hear anything And I look over and my buddy is just, I mean, not to be too like graphic, but he's just his whole, I mean, his entire face is just, it's all blood. Like I have no, I can't tell what's wrong with them. And, you know, he's like fumbling around and, um, it was awful. And I can't hear though, like I can't freaking hear him. And so I just keep driving. And I get to the top of the ramp onto the bridge and the truck starts like sputtering and I'm like, oh my God, like, are you fucking kidding me? Like, I think I'm gonna lose the truck. Like, I know, so I drive it as far as I can because I have a 40 foot trailer attached. So, you know, I'm in the semi truck with a 40 foot trailer. Get the truck all the way up onto the bridge because again, there's like, I don't know, 20, 30 trucks behind me. So at this point I can kind of hear, I hear him like moaning, but like, I just, I'm not coherent. Like I'm not registering things and I grabbed the radio and like calling in, I'm like, we've been hit. Like as if they didn't know, like if the rest of the unit didn't see it and I'm trying to call in a medevac, uh, which, you know, we have our training on like, we know the order of how you're supposed to say things. But, um, my guys told me later that, like, I wasn't even, like, making coherent sense. Like, the word, like, I was just, it was like, I was jumbling all my words. So I definitely, like, had some sort of, you know, trauma, um, from the explosion. Yeah. And, um, so, you know, I radio it in and then I'm like, I gotta get him out because I can't, I don't know what's wrong with him. I just see all this blood and he had kind of collapsed in my lap. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, I'm like, I'm gonna get you out. I'm gonna get you out. And he's like. I don't know. He's like over six feet tall. He's a tall dude and I'm only five, six. So like I start to get out and I'm trying to help him, but he's got to climb over the seat because I couldn't go around and get him out because I parked so close to the bridge. I couldn't open his door. So I had to pull him through from the passenger seat to the driver's seat and then get him down onto the ground. And then we basically just kind of collapsed on the road truck. The rest of the units driving by, they're just leaving us. Yeah. Um, because that was their, that's also part of our training was like, you just go, you don't stop. And so I'm just like holding him and I had a, my canteen of water, I'm pouring water on his face. I'm like, I got to figure out what's wrong with him. And that's when I see, you know, the, the devastation to his eye, um, it was still kind of hanging on, but we, we ended up losing it. Um, and you know, it was pretty, it was pretty horrendous. It was probably like the worst, Like goriness i've ever seen like firsthand and at the time his he was so he was young too. He was 18 or 19 He had got married before we left and his wife was expecting their first baby And you know all he just he just kept mumbling like my son my son i'm, never gonna see my son and i'm trying to like i'm cradling him and then i'm like Flagging people down and finally one of the trucks. Um We're here our medic comes running up because You While this is all happening with me and him, more explosions happened. So this was a setup. This was an ambush. And I'm, I am convinced to this day that the guy I saw in that car was a spotter. Like, because the way we locked eyes for that split second, I'll never forget that. Um, and so there was two more explosions. Thankfully, nobody got hurt. Caused this whole traffic jam on, on the ramp. Everybody was like kind of stuck. And so the medic, um, came running up and, um, he, you know, helps me kind of assess him. He's like, okay, you know, he's, he literally gets in front of one of the trucks driving and is like, stop. And then we get, we get Shane into the truck. Um, and then I go back to my truck. I get all of our gear. Cause that's the other part of your training kicks in. Like you can't leave anything secure behind. So take all your weapons, take your ammo, take your radio. Um, I left our sleeping gear, but I just took all the important stuff. Um, cause that's the one thing you don't want. If you have, because we knew we had to leave the truck there because it was, it was disabled. Um, and so I just grab everything and I just jump in another truck and we drive up the road to kind of like regroup basically. And you know, basically get him, um, stable

Rosie Gill-Moss:

we

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

to wait for a helicopter to come in. So we had to wait for a helicopter to fly in, pick him up and then we were able to keep going.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

helicopter

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So

Rosie Gill-Moss:

come in. We had to wait for a helicopter to fly in,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

up, sit him down,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, and he, yeah. Oh, yeah, he ended up he, um, he doesn't have a lot of recollection. So

Rosie Gill-Moss:

yeah.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

a great life now. Um, but, uh, he, he flatlined on the plane to Germany. He flatlined on the helicopter ride back to Baghdad. And then I believe he also had a couple serious altercations on the flight from Baghdad to Germany. Um, and I know he's shared and it's, um, you know, pretty hard for him, but, um, he has very vague memories of being on the plane to Germany. They were just like all the soldiers, all the injured soldiers, they're just like stacked like in bunks, you're just strapped down. And like he was blind because even though he, he still had one eye, but like when you have a, an injury to an eye, usually your other eye will swell up. Yeah. So you can't see at all. It's like a, it's like a, it's almost like a natural defense mechanism. So your one, your good eye will like shut down because yes. And so he couldn't see at all. So he was completely blind for a couple of days. And so like, yeah, I mean, I can't even imagine how terrified he was. Uh, and not, it is not even knowing, I mean, it took, it took a long time. Well, it was a good couple more months before I got to talk to him and kind of start recounting what happened. And to this day, like, you know, like my memories are so different from his memories. And so he'll be like, no, no, no, that didn't happen like that. And I'm like, it did. I'm like, it's just that you're a little bit more disjointed because of what happened. Um, but yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And after this has happened, do, are you offered, um, discharge from the, from the military at

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

no. So I, so when we got him to safety, um, I didn't even know if I was injured. I hadn't even checked myself or anything. And so I was sitting there pulling security while we're waiting for the helicopters to get him and I'm covered in blood. Like, I mean, just drenched. And somebody's like, we got to check you out because, you know, were you injured? I'm like, no, I'm fine. I'm fine. Well, I had taken shrapnel to like, not a lot, but just like little pieces, like they kind of peppered all in my head and my neck and ear. Um, nothing like severe. Um, but enough that like, you know, it was causing its own amount of blood and stuff. And so, um, we, Once he got, um, off on the helicopter, we drove to the next closest base, regrouped, because everybody was, you know, shooken up. Because that was our first, like, I mean, like, the last injury, the RPG one, was, was bad, um, but he was coherent the whole time, like, when he got hit. You know, this was the first, like, really, really bad one. Yeah, Yeah, like, none of us knew if he was it. So we were all, like, really in bad shape. Um, and I went to the med clinic, and the medic was, you know, picking out. All the shrapnel, which I got to keep. I asked if I could keep the shrapnel. I do, I have them. They're just tiny little pieces, but um, I have them. But um, my, my platoon sergeant, uh, the medic at first, when the medic saw me, Um, with all the blood on me, they were like, oh my God, like they were ready to strip me down because they thought the blood was coming from me. And my platoon sergeant's like, no, this is her buddy's blood. And the medic was like, she's got to get out of here. Like you got to get her home. And I, um, I was like, no way. Nope. Absolutely not. Um, because again, I just. I mean, it wasn't really the medic's place. Like it wasn't like the medic couldn't make that decision. But, um, I'm like, I looked at my platoon sergeant. I'm like, no way I'm not going home. And he's like, yeah, you're not going anywhere. Like, he's like, we need you.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And why did the medic think you needed to go home? Do you think that was because of the sort of emotional impact of what you'd seen? So although you were relatively physically unscathed, that he must have been aware that what you'd seen and what you'd experienced would take a toll on you mentally. But I'm guessing that in the military there's not much time for that because if everybody that was emotionally scarred by something they'd seen in the army, there'd be no soldiers if they were all discharged immediately. And I suppose I'm also wondering whether there was almost like an ignition in you, like, uh, I need to do this because of what's now happened to my buddy. Like, you're sort of, you come back

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

I was so angry. Um, and you know, I've gone through years of healing and trying therapy. Um, at the time though, I was so angry. I wanted. All I wanted to do was like have revenge and you know, and I'm, I'm ashamed to say that now because like my views on the war have changed completely from 20 years ago, but at that moment in time, I just wanted to pull that, my trigger on any, anybody, because it was like, I was so, so angry at all of just the whole country. Um, and again, I, like, I know that's not right now, but you know, at the time, this is the way it was.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

and the anger as well will be fear based because you, in the space of a few days, you've had a bullet fly, fly so fast, so close to your face you can feel it, and you've seen your buddy, your work buddy, be blown up essentially. So your, your fear and the fear that it could happen to you, the fear of what that might do to your family, that's going to often come out. Fear

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yes, yeah, absolutely. Yeah. So I, I was like, there's no way I'm going home. I'm like, this is what they want. You know, they're trying to take us out one by one because they want to, you know, that's how they're going to win. And so in my brain, I was like, I have to stay, like, I can't, I can't go home. Like that's quitting and I can't quit. You know, I, and I, and I felt like that would, what would that do for my buddy? Like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't know. Like he had to go home and, um, Like, I have to stay and, like, carry on his, like, his legacy and, like, what he wanted to carry out. And so, we got back to base. They made me go, there was like a little mental health, they had like two psychiatrists on base. They made me go talk to them, and I did, and, um, I, I told them that, I'm like, I don't, you know, I don't want to go home. And so they did some like kind of like mental health evaluation and they're like, yep, you're good. Um, I don't want to say women are better at that but I think we we are good at like kind of I think anybody, you know, yeah in math. Yeah the math game and so, you know, I just was like, nope I'm good. I can tough it out, you know, and they're like, okay Well, like you do need a week off like that was like their rule They were like we want to give you we don't want you back on the road for a week So I got put on tower duty. So I just was I was on guard duty for a week um And That almost like made my anger worse because I was just like sitting still, you know, and like had all this time to like, yeah, percolating. Um, I had to wash all of our gear. So like, I literally had this like just big bucket of water and I would like was just soaking all of our blood soaked water, like uniforms and just dumping it in the ground. I'm like, I'm about sanitation. I know. Um, but um, My first like my first request though was I was like I want I want Shane's machine gun because I had I just had a normal rifle And I was like we're down a gunner. I'm like, I know how to use it. Like he trained me on it um, I was like, I want to be the replacement machine gunner and so My platoon sergeant my squad leader was like, okay Um, we'll see how this goes I was one of the only females to have a machine gun. And so, um, what we call, uh, uh, M249 is what they're called. But, um, I wanted to be in the gun trucks with the 50 cal machine gunners. And they were like, they were all guys and they were like, well, you have to be able to carry the 50 Cal because if we're, if, if, if things are going down and we got to take all the equipment out of the truck, like you got to be able to disassemble the 50 Cal machine gun and, and carry it. And so they made me practice. Like I had to like practice, like lifting this huge 50 Cal machine gun over my head and putting it in the truck and then taking it and taking it out just over and over again. And I did it. I was like, I'm going to do it. And so. Yeah, I, I was, I mean, I'm, the fury was like so, strong. I was like, I'll do whatever I have to. And um, my first mission a week later was the same exact route. So you talk about like having to face your fear. I was, I was a machine gunner in gun truck one driving the same road, uh, that I got hit on. Yeah. So you talk about like just, A, not having any real time to recover, um, but I was just so full of like this, this anger and fury. I didn't even care. And then, yeah, I had to go back on the same road. And I kind of, like, there was a quick moment when we were driving where, like, I felt my heart, like, start, like, my heartbeat started quickening as we were going up the ramp. And I was like, no, they do not get the satisfaction. And so I like, I wanted to close my eyes, but I didn't. And like, I just like looked right at the, like, right at the burn marks where I saw where my truck had been blown up. And I was like, no, F that. They're not going to get the best of me. Like, I'm going, I'm going to conquer this. Like, I'm going to get past this. So,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

That's a very definition of facing your fears, I think that,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

mean, yeah, there was no other choice. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And how much longer did you spend out in

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So that was only May and we didn't go home until February of the next year. So,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Oh wow,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah, yeah. And I got,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And what's your husband saying about this? Because

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

well, I, I was really nervous to tell my family that what had happened. And so the, like the next time I got like, uh, the first time I got a chance to call after I got hit, Um, I can't remember exactly what I told him. I think I told him like there's been an incident, but I, again, I'd be really careful over the phone. Like you can't share a lot of details. I was like, I'm okay. I'm like, but you know, some things happened. Um, you know, I can't share a lot, you know, Shane's okay, but he's not here. Like, I think I tried to be as cryptic as I could. I can't remember exactly what I said. And he's like, my husband's like the, just the most iconic calm, cool and collected person. So he was just like, okay, like. You know, um, honestly, I don't think we ever really talked about it, like, all these years. Like, I don't think we ever really talked about, like, what he was going through, like, you know, how he felt about that. I should ask him. But, um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And I suppose his military background will have helped, because he knows that this sort of thing happens. The fact that you were

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm

Rosie Gill-Moss:

and able to speak to him immediately, the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Right. Right. So, like, yeah. So, I think that was reassuring. But what broke my heart was a few weeks later, um, I called my mother in law because she babysat my daughter a lot when my husband worked. And so I knew it was during the workday and my husband was working, so I called my mother in law and she, uh, called for Alessandra and she, you know, this time she's like four years old and she comes running to the phone and my mother in law says, Oh, your mommy's on the phone and she goes, Oh, is it my new mommy or my old mommy? And because she had got, she had seen some pictures of me, but I had looked a lot different because I cut all my hair off. And, um, and then she gets on the phone with me and she must have overheard some discussion with, you know, with my husband or somebody, because she knew, she asked me why my heart was purple. She was like, why is your heart purple now? Because they must have been talking about a, because you, when you're injured and in combat, you get a purple heart And so

Rosie Gill-Moss:

was going to say that's a, that's a, um, a, uh, a commendation. I can't

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. So, um, I hadn't received it yet, but it was pretty much assumed that I would get one. Um, and so she made a comment to me like, Why is your heart purple now, mommy? And I was just like, like, oh, it's not, it's not really purple. Like, that's just something people say, you know, because like, how do you explain that to your four year old kid? Um, so yeah, so that was, that was hard.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Although, what's your first thought? Is my husband having an affair?

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

It was, yes, like initially when I heard her say, is it my new mommy or old mommy? I was like, the hell is that supposed to be? He, there was no, there was no time for him.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

No, no, no, he had to be here to keep the home fires burning. And so when you did return home, obviously you must have come back quite significantly changed by what you'd experienced. And did you go back

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

That was my only deployment. Yeah. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

tour. Yeah.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

right Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

word here, does it? Um, so, how did you, I mean, firstly tell me a little bit about how you felt when you were told it was time to come home. Because that must have been incredible. And then you coming home, presumably on a military aircraft, not the most luxurious way to travel. And then you're coming home into reality after being out in the desert. How on earth did that

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

So we, uh, went back to Wisconsin first and they had us like kind of go through, um, just like some product out processing, like all of our paperwork. They did like medical evaluations back then. They didn't do a lot of like. mental evaluations though. Like now it's gotten a lot better for like soldiers when they come home from war. Um, back then it wasn't that much. Um, and we were, I think we were in Wisconsin maybe close to a week. They had to evaluate if anybody needed to stay longer for more medical care or not. So, um, again, you didn't want, you didn't want to like complain about any ailments you had because like a couple of the guys like thought, Oh, if I tell them everything that'll help my disability paperwork. Well, it did, but they got stuck there. And like, so some guys like got stuck in Wisconsin for months and I was like, Oh no, like, I'm, I'm fine. Everything's fine. Yeah, like, I'm fine. Nothing's wrong with me. Um, and I remember we drove on a, just like a charter bus back to Michigan and I just remember like being so anxious, but like nervous and like scared. It was just like all these emotions, like coming home, like you're excited, you're relieved, but then like you're nervous, like, is my daughter going to remember me? Like, is it, am I going to be the same mom? Like, am I going to be able to even be a mom again? Like, I don't know. Um, am I going to know how to like be maternal after so long? Like, I just didn't know. So I was like really nervous. And um, they were there. Um, so cute. Like my husband and my daughter had made a poster and so they're holding it. Um, And my parents are there and it was really, it was really good. Yeah, it was really, it was, you know, just really emotional. Yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

like it, I imagine, walking back into the arms of your family after living out there in that hellhole,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah, yeah. It was, yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And so what about when you got home and the dust, or sand, had settled? You'd washed it all out of your boots and your nooks and crannies. Um, did you settle back into sort of home life well, or was it

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

It was very tough. Um, I struggled. Um, I didn't want anybody to know I was struggling. So I, Yep. And you know, I just being in the National Guard, um, you get 30 days, um, paid to like, kind of like stay home before you have to go back to your norm, whatever your job was before, you know? So like at the time I was a manager for a store in our, in a mall, like I was like a boutique, you know, manager.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

hmm.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

And so I think I lasted like two weeks. Before I was like, I gotta go back to work like being home. I like reorganize the pantry. I cleaned everything and I was taking my daughter to preschool every day, but I needed to be busy and I didn't know it at the time that I had post traumatic stress, but like, I wasn't sleeping. Um, I was literally, I would lay in bed at night and. We live close to a pretty busy road and so like I would hear the semis breaking and hear the Like the you know, like the brakes like Um, I would think that we were under attack. So I would like literally like sit by the windows of the room or bedroom, like pulling guard duty. And I was like, so embarrassed. I like wouldn't tell anybody like, Nope. I mean, you know, I think my husband knew cause you'd wake up and see me awake and stuff, but, um, I didn't want anybody to know. And so I'm like, I'm just gonna go back to work. If I go back to work. Everything will be fine and, you know, whatever. So I went back to work and quickly realized, uh, that was no good either because I hated, like, I just had this, like, like, despise, I guess is the word. I despise civilians. Because what I realized was, like, all my buddies and I, we were off at war and people were at home just, like, living normal lives. And like, you know, when they would come in to return jeans or like complain about their sweater being too small or something, I'm like, this is, this is your life, like you're mad because you got the wrong size sweater. Like, yeah. And so I, um, I really struggled and I wouldn't tell anybody. Um, and one of, I joined the VFW, which is the veterans of foreign wars, it's like a club, Um, and one of the Vietnam buddy, one of the Vietnam guys, he saw it, like he, he could tell that I was struggling. And so he was like, Hey, why don't you come with me to the VA hospital? He's like, I'll help you get registered so that way you're in the system. He's like, and he's like, I just happened to have a therapy appointment. And my, my doctor said that you can take my spot. And so, and like he, but he did it in such a good way that like, He knew I wouldn't say no. And so I was like, alright, fine, I'll go. And, um, I talked to her and she's like, we have got to get you in. Like, we have to get you in the system. And so pretty much, That was the summer of 2005. Um, I got diagnosed with PTSD like almost immediately because I started telling her what happened and she's like, you need help. And it would take probably over almost 15 years before I really devoted time. Yeah, I, I ran away from it and like, like literally ran away from it. I, I turned to running, Um, we ended up having another baby because I was like, if I have another baby, that'll, that'll distract me. That'll make, that'll heal me. That'll fix everything. Um, that didn't work. So then I became, um, a workaholic and then I went back to college and I got multiple degrees and then I would just run and run and ran marathons and ultra marathons. I kept doing all these things thinking that's what would fix me. But I wasn't coming to terms with what I had been through. And so it really wasn't until I finally like truly went into like, like legitimate therapy, prolonged exposure therapy, that I faced it. Um, and I mean, I'm still, you know, there's still a lot of things I need to work through, but, um, I just, sometimes I regret how long it took me to get to that point. But nobody can make you do it. Like you have to, you have to come to terms with it yourself, you know?

Rosie Gill-Moss:

no, I completely agree. And I, I mean, when Ben died, I had, I had a very short spell of therapy,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

not gel with a therapist at all. And then it took me five years before I walked back into a therapist's office. and not, I didn't do ultra marathons, although, yes I can say it on the vlog, I said I'd like to get in as many times but I did once do a marathon, not very fast, um, and I can call it running, but I did it. And, but I know that feeling of, you know, drinking, staring into your phone, running, eating, sex, drugs, whatever it may be, people who have been through an intense, trauma, generally don't want to face it and we think we're facing it. Well, I'm doing my yoga and my meditation. I'm doing all that stuff. But if you haven't had the opportunity to talk and, um, uh, what did you just call it? Prolonged

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Prolonged exposure therapy.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

uh, but prolonged exposure therapy. Yes. I'm missing a word because that's why I've been seeing the same therapist for almost three years now. And essentially I went in for my grief. Um, I got sober, I created a career, I found out I was neurodivergent. So by having that prolonged therapy, you do tend to get much more into the crux of the issue. Unlike you, I'm a work in progress, absolutely I am. But I don't think there's any shame in how long it takes you to get there because it is

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And you had literally been

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

17 to not ask for help, to not show weakness,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

keep going. So you just

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm. Right. And it's you know, I felt like as long as on the outside of people saw me being successful and you know, and people would, you know, and then like you'd get all the accolades. I get the people saying like, wow, I don't know how you do it all. And oh, you're so strong and you've been through so much. And so like, it almost like fueled me even more. And I'm like, I am fixed, you know, but then like something silly would happen, not silly, but like just some inconvenience would happen and I would just break down or like freak out and flip out on people. And it's like, okay, I'm not, I'm not better because like, that's not healthy. You know what I mean? I should be able to cope with a minor inconvenience without freaking out on people. Um, and I think, I think

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I don't know ever I met, ever met a perimenopausal woman,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Exactly. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And during this time, this must have taken some degree of Aton on your family life, and I know that I've, I've, I said earlier, I've met one of your daughters, and I know that you are very, very close. Um, um, you're still with your husband, so presumably your marriage is strong. And but how did that impact on your family when you were struggling?

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

don't think, well, I think my husband knew, um, you know, but I think he, again, being in the military and he actually, just to rewind a little bit, so I got out of the army in 2006, like that's when my contract was up.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Oh, He

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

He went back in. And so he, after I got out, he decided, he's like, I want to, I want to go back in. So he joined, uh, either late 2006 or 2007. I can't remember. And then he ended up going to Afghanistan in 2011. So we flipped roles and I became the military wife and he was the soldier again. And so honestly, those first couple of years, the, the, the focus switched. So then he was back into military training and then I was, I was the supporting role. And so I think our, I feel like our marriage wasn't really impacted because like we were constantly just like focused on something. You know what I mean? And again, I wasn't ready to talk about it. I was fine. Everything's fine. And so he's like, everything's fine. And now I have to serve and now I'm going to go to, you know, Afghanistan. And so, um, you know, I, I think we just, we were in survival mode. We just, we just kept, we just kept going and just kept pushing forward. And, um, yeah, I don't know. Like we just didn't talk about it. It just,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I'm wondering whether when you're at home, is that in some ways more scary? Knowing that the person you love is out there and there's nothing you can do to protect them. Whereas when you're out there, like you said, you sort of disengage a bit from your home. So, and you're kind of responsible for what

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

I will say that forever. I think the harder job is the family member that's back home taking care of the family. I really do because you're expected to work your day job, take care of the kids. Um, but you're terrified of what's going on with your spouse, you know, across the world. Um, where, you know,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Every phone call

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Every time the phone would ring, you know, um, like I was at the time when, when he went to Afghanistan, I was a loan officer for a bank. And there were times like, I, I would tell my boss, like, I have to have my phone out all the time. Like my ringer has to be on because Milo could call me at any time and I have to be ready to answer it. And so there were many a times I'd be in the middle of a loan application with somebody and my phone would ring and I'd say, I'm sorry, I have to excuse myself. And I'd have to go answer it because if he was calling from Afghanistan, I wasn't going to miss the call, you know? And so, yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And if you explain to people that,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

most of the time.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Because you're still

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Most, most people were, some people would get a little annoyed, but I'd be like, you know, but then usually they'd want to like know everything. I had to like tell them our whole life story and all that stuff. But

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Suddenly you've been

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. Like, okay. But, um, yeah, we just, I really don't think until like COVID hit, we, we both started facing everything we've been through, you know? Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Yeah. There's nothing like a bit of condensed time at home, is there,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. Yeah. And that's really when I started thinking, okay, I need to get into therapy. I need help. Um, you know, because I started facing it and I started, I started writing my book series, which was another form of therapy. It's a fictional story of a female soldier. So like I wrote the story about this female soldier who in in essence is me But it's all you know, it's all fiction. Um, and I had started writing that and as I was writing it I was really facing all these dark dark moments and i'm like I need somebody to help me process this I need a professional like to help me Figure out all all this stuff because there was so much that had happened in that year that I had blocked like I just completely me

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Yeah.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

blocked out and hadn't thought about in so long. So, um, that's really when I started dedicating time to it.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

What are your books called? Let's

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Um, always forward. Oh, here, I'll hold it up. That's the cover. And I do write, um, I write by, I have it in my name too, Cecilia. It was really important to me to, like, have a pen name, um, because I wasn't sure when I first wrote them, I wasn't sure if I wanted people to know it was me. You know, so I was like, I'm gonna do a pen name. Um, but there, it's a set, it's a set of four books, uh, and it follows a soldier named Emily. Um, and she becomes a prisoner of war, which obviously that didn't happen to me. Um, but it kind of is a metaphor for being a prisoner of my own mind. And so her being a prisoner of war, like I was a prisoner of war of like myself and so, um, and it was actually my buddy from Vietnam that, uh, he kind of, he was the one that kind of identified that because he was like my first beta reader, who's really my alpha reader, um, and, um, he, uh, when he was reading the first book, he's like, Emily is you. I'm like, no, she's not. He's like, he's like, she's you, like, he's like, I'm literally reading her talking to other soldiers and he's like, I'm hearing your voice, like, she's you, you know? And so

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I'm going to order these

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

they are on Amazon. Yes. Yep. So

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I will I will order them and I will also leave you a review.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

thank you. Thank you.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And, well, assuming they're good, of course, I wouldn't, you know, I wouldn't. Um, and I will put a link into the notes for this episode as well in case anybody else would like to read them. So, Adele, you've obviously come an enormous, a long way, and you work in a completely different field.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yes. Yep.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

right? But you've got some high, high flying fancy sounding job title,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Well, yeah, I, I do like product development, so I like create. Your checking accounts. So it's like really weird because like it's not physical products, but I basically like Create all of the products you use for your finances and then like I manage like the rates And so like loan rates and deposit rates and stuff like that. Like that's what I do

Rosie Gill-Moss:

But the really lovely thing that I'm hearing in your story is that you joined the army because you wanted to go to college, because you wanted to find a career that you could excel in. And although it

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

a cost, of course it did, it came at a huge cost, but you did get to go to college, you just

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah, so I went um got my bachelor's and I got my master's

Rosie Gill-Moss:

That and the ultra marathons.

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, I um, yeah, I ended up getting my master's degree in finance, um and uh It's, it's interesting because I always knew when I came home from the army, I was like, I don't want to drive trucks. Like I could have easily just been a truck driver. Like I could have, you know, I had my CDL could have continued being a truck driver. I was like, I don't ever want to drive another semi or, you know, like I don't ever want to have to drive a 40 foot trailer another day in my life. Um, and so I, uh, I've always been really good with like numbers and like It's always been a joke in my family. I'm just really good at making money. So like, I was like, it just kind of was a natural progression to go into finance. Um, you know, and I, I worked my way up. I started off as a teller, like a part time teller, and I worked my way up through the ranks. And, um, I think that also really helped me like doing just like I did in the army. I started off as a private, made my way to sergeant.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I was

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, and um, you know, and I, I, I really pride myself on that, on like doing all of the jobs, like my motto both military and professionally has always been I lead from the front. And so like my, my employees know, um, I would never ask them to do something I wouldn't do myself, just like in the military. Uh, you know, you don't eat before your soldiers, like you eat last, you never make them do something that you personally wouldn't do. Um, and I carry that over into my corporate life. Like it's really important. But it's isolating because a lot of civilians don't have that mentality. So a lot of civilians are out for themselves. And so Being a team player sometimes can be a struggle in the corporate world.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

So ironically being a team

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, exactly. Yeah

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Yeah. And aside from, from the obviously the counseling, what, what has been the sort of most fundamental thing you've done for yourself in your healing? Because I met you at a yoga retreat and you're a yoga teacher as well. I mean, you know, of course you are. Anything you can't do?

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

that was well that was another um Just you know something I wanted to do that was part of my healing process. Um, you know, I met um elizabeth in um, Gosh, i'm not even sure what year through running we met we met through running You Found out she was a yoga instructor, and then when she was offering a yoga teacher's training class, I'm like, I didn't really have the calling to be a teacher, but I'm like, ooh, I need to know everything about yoga, like, I need to know every single little thing, um, so that, yeah,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I want to know why. Why, why do I do that? Why is it cool that, yeah, to be honest, I've been toying with the idea of doing a qualification because I'm the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

yeah, and it's so helpful, and it's in, um, even my therapist has noted it, like, having that background helps me, because like, I, I know, I'm so like self aware now. So like when I feel certain parts of my body, I'm like, Oh. I'm holding a lot of tension. I need to do X poses or I need to do this breathing exercise or this type of meditation or like I need to open my heart chakra so I can, you know, release those emotions. Um, and so like my yoga teacher training was a huge part of my therapy too. Um, because I was like in therapy doing yoga teacher training and writing book one all at the same time. And so, um, I would bounce ideas off Elizabeth. Yeah, you know, right? Of course I was. Um, but you know, I would bounce ideas off of her. I would tell her pieces of the books, because a big part of the books is that when Emily was a prisoner of war, her husband was told she was deceased. So he was a widower for a good amount of years. And so Elizabeth really helped educate me on, um, I would like tell her, like, I'm thinking about having him say this. And she'd be like, no, like, that's not something he would say or do or think. And so that was really a whole component. I hadn't even like considered, you know what I mean? Like that whole, um, just mentality. So, um, I mean, when she sees this, like, she'll know, but like, she was a huge part of, you know, helping me kind of write those characters and figure that kind of stuff out, too. But it was all a part of my journey. Like, it really was. Mm

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And I think there's something about people who've been through a traumatic experience, whatever that may be, that means that they want to help people out. They want to give you that, throw you that ladder. You know, I know the only person that can climb up it is you, but people who've been through something horrible, they want to help you get out. And that's what I'm hearing about with you and Elizabeth, you know, she's, really support what, even the fact that somebody's willing to read your draft of your book, right? Because I'm currently, I think I mentioned on the retreat, I'm sort of two, three quarters of the way through my own and it's that getting over yourself, right? I've got, I've got to show it to somebody because I don't know if it's shit or not because I've sat in it for so long and it, you need somebody that's going to be kind and empathetic and also to have that insight into something that you didn't have your own

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah, absolutely.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I think there's something to be said for the wounded, whether that be emotionally or physically, and the kindness that you're able to show for other people. So, what does life look like for you now? You live with you, your oldest daughter doesn't

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

she's on her own. Yep.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

left home, yeah? So you've got one daughter at home, but neither you or your

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Nope, he's, he retired a few years ago. Um, and life's a lot slower now. So I've definitely, um, you know, I, I, evolved from the prolonged exposure therapy to just traditional cognitive based therapy. So, you know, I still live in therapy. Um, the goal is to not need it, but I'm not quite there yet. Um, and, you know, I'm a lot kinder to myself now. So I don't, I don't feel the need to be doing so many things. I mean, I am still busy because I'm actively writing book five, but, um, but I'm also a lot kinder to myself. So like I started writing book five a year ago and I'm still not done because I needed, I took a break and, um, I took almost eight months off of writing. Like I didn't write anything. Um, because I just needed to rest my brain. And, um, I spent a lot of time in my gardens. I hike a lot outside. I do yoga. So, you know, it's I'm kind of at this point in my life where I'm finally at peace. I like to spend time with my husband with my both my daughters, but you know, they're both My oldest is off doing her own thing and my other one is getting ready to move on to, you know, to her next stage of life. So, um, just a lot of time with my husband and our dogs and just, you know, um, kind of just slowing down and just being okay with that and knowing, like, it's okay to be still. It is.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

adjustment. I'm sort of trying to, I mean I say I'm doing, I'm trying to do this, I'm not, I'm juggling far, spinning far too many plates. But I do try and take the time to do like a 20 minute breath work or like you just do some stretches or sometimes just go and put my headphones in and just say I'm just going upstairs for half an hour because I need to not be around, the sea of noise is my house. And it is that finding that little pieces of

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

for yourself and thinking I'm, I'm not lazy if I'm sitting down, I'm not a shit mum if I haven't done their spellings and I, you know, it's finding that

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

and the balance. Now, just before I let you go, because I'm

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

No, that's okay.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

quite a long time because I just keep So we are recording this today on Remembrance Sunday in the UK and I took the children up into our village this morning. There was a very small parade and some flags and lots of sort of older gentlemen actually with medals on and it's quite an emotive day and we think a lot about the people that we've lost and tomorrow is the 11th of the 11th and that's your Veterans Day. So that's. I don't, I don't know what it's like over there, but. What would you like to see done? Because I'm wondering if there's all this kind of celebration and pomp and ceremony on this one or two days in a year, but the rest of the time people perhaps tend not to think about the veterans and the people that might be struggling with PTSD. And I'm really wondering what you'd like to see happen or if you're seeing any good changes going

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

You know, I think over the years, you know, as we've drifted further away from being involved in military conflicts overseas, the patriotism definitely starts to cease a little bit. Um, as you're aware, uh, the United States is in quite a turmoil right now with the elections that just happened. Um, and, you know, there's definitely a huge divide. And I think the one thing that I would love to see is. Our citizens are really good about thanking veterans, and that's great, you know, like, to say thank you to a veteran, but honestly, like, take it a step further. So whether it's supporting veteran owned businesses, um, you know, or, or supporting a veteran, um, veteran organization that, like, helps other veterans, um, I, I really try to encourage people, like, they say, like, well, I don't know what to do. Like, honestly, if you have a local, um, VFW chapter, you know, or, uh, American Legion. Um, you know, even just making a, a, a cash donation can help, um, you know,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

And at this time of year you can do it instead of sending Christmas cards, right? Because, I don't know what the cost of stamps is in the US, but over here it's extortionate. So we now, we tend, I mean I tend to take a cheesy family photo and send it, and then I'll make a donation. I often make a donation to the Lifeboat charity because they looked so hard to find Ben. But then last year we did it for bowel cancer because that was how John's wife died. So you can find a way of sending a donation without it having to impact

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Right. Right. Right. And I think that goes a lot further. Um, you know, but like, and then, like I said, supporting like veteran owned businesses. So, you know, like I tell people all the time, if you really want to thank me, buy my books. You know what I mean? Like, if

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

veterans, then support. Veterans that have businesses. Um, you know, I have a, you know, what's really cool about my books too is like, um, the, the graphics are done by another combat veteran. Um, and then the tattoo that Emily has, I have it too on my arm and I had a veteran tattoo it. So like, when I say like, I specifically like look for veteran owned businesses to work with, like, that's really important to me as a veteran. So if people are watching this and they're like, I want to support veterans, that's how you do it.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Yeah. And you see a lot of stuff sometimes on social media about how celebrity will launch a product and we'll all rush and buy it but maybe support your friend that's trying to earn a little extra income and in in fact John was just saying the other day that he'd like to set up some sort of Facebook community for Widows so that we can, I don't know, say I need some help with my books but I like financial books when I I'm not making any money from it. Then I say, oh, is anybody a bookkeeper? And by, and you sort of create this network where you help each other out. Because it's, there's a term grief sherpa, which was used by one of my American guests actually. And I think in much the same way that applies to being an ex, a veteran. Because you know what it's like. So you want to help other people as they navigate through. And over here, the, the, you know, there's an enormous, enormous issue. Lots of our veterans are homeless or have addiction problems. And we, we, we don't have enough support for them. And I'm not, I don't know

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Mm hmm.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

to talk about it in depth, but I do know that the support is woefully lacking still. And it just feels like the expectation on you to go out and to put your life on the line. But then there's not so much care when you come home, um, and unless you've got the resources or the the willing as well to to do it yourself, you can be a little bit left out in the,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Yeah. I would say homeless, uh, veterans is a huge, uh, epidemic in our country. Um, yes, the drugs, and I, I touch on that in my books because it was really important to me to, to educate people on just how badly, and a lot of drug abuse starts in the military. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, it starts whether you actively are doing drugs or you start because you are on pain pills and so that, you know, escalates to other things. Um, but I've time and time again, when people read my books, they tell me I had no clue. This is like what happens to when they come home. And so I feel like my calling really is, I have to educate people because, you know, there's this stigma. Uh, But it's never going to go away if people don't share their personal experiences or fictional experiences to replicate it, you know? Um, how can I ever expect a civilian to understand if they don't know? Like, you don't know what you don't know. Um,

Rosie Gill-Moss:

and you can't possibly know what it's like to be at war. you you can't fathom that sort of living

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

And I wouldn't want people to, you know? Like, that, and that's the, that's, that's the, that is the burden of war, um, is that, you know, we, we know that as soldiers, we don't want our family members to ever have to go through that. So we take that on ourselves. But there still is some level of knowledge and understanding that needs to come with that so that the family and friends and strangers can have a level of empathy to be able to help us.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

Well, Adele, that has been fascinating. Like,

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Aw, yay.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

genuinely, fascinating. I, I knew so little and I have learned so much. So, thank you so

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

You're welcome.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

on and sharing your story with me today. I really am most grateful. Is there anything that you wanted to add that I haven't asked you? I'll just check before

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

don't think so. I think I think, yeah, we've talked a lot. Yeah.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

right on the

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Thank you so much for this opportunity.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

you come on again! Maybe you come on again. And I genuinely am going to buy your books. I'm not just paying lip service to you, I am. Because that's one of the ways I like to help people. If anybody I know writes a book, I will try and buy a copy. Or I will buy a copy of it, because having now, being in the process of doing it myself, I now realise that it's no mean

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

Well, and I will full disclosure, I am self published. So I know they're not perfect. Uh, they, I like to say they're raw, um, which is like, I think it adds to it. But, um, so just, just be kind to me because I do know there are some, uh, if anybody out there reads them, I know there are some, you know, minor errors in the first two books, like typos and things, but I like to point it out ahead of time. Like I'm just going to call it out. So that way.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

I read so fast that you could probably call the characters different names and I wouldn't notice. I will read a book in like three hours and have no clue what happened. It's, but that's another way I run away from my feelings. It's, if I'm not scrolling my phone or, you know. I'm doing something in the house, I'll read. But anyway, I'm going to finish this because otherwise I'm going to be here for hours talking to you. Anyway, just a final thank you for coming on and it's been an absolute honour to, it was an honour to meet you and it's

Adele (Cecilia) Garcia:

And it was an honor to meet you too. Thank you.

Rosie Gill-Moss:

next time, see you next year in Michigan. And for anybody who is listening today and has perhaps been affected by Adele's story or would like to know a little bit more, you can reach out to me, um, on Instagram. You can find me, um, I'm on, as Rosie Gilmoss on Instagram at the moment is probably the best way. Uh, and if you've got questions for Adele, I'm happy to pass them on to her. She might not answer, but I'll certainly pass them on. Um, but for everybody else out there, lots of love and I will be back with you soon. Thank you.

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