Mae Renfroe Motherhood, Faith, and Homeschooling

Mae's YouTube channel
Mae's website
Her book Holding onto Hope
You can find her on Facebook

Mae Renfrow, a mother of ten, shares her journey of faith, resilience, and homeschooling in this  podcast episode. 

She discusses the challenges and rewards of raising a large family, the profound impact of losing her son, and how her unshakable faith in God provided peace and strength during the darkest times. 

Mae also talks about the joys and difficulties of homeschooling, offering encouragement and insights for other mothers looking to embark on this educational path. 

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Transcript

Psalm 127:4 ,5

"Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are children born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. 

[00:02] Jan: Welcome to just talking about Jesus. I'm Jan Johnson, a seasoned believer who loves relationships and, you know, just talking about Jesus. And my guest today is may Renfrow. Welcome, May. Hi.

[00:19] Mae: I'm glad to be here.

[00:21] Jan: Yeah, I saw you first on Facebook, just looking at your stories and things that you've got some YouTube channel things going on and just interesting. It seemed like we kind of maybe had a little bit of a match. So tell me about a little bit about your family. You've got a large family, I think, like mine, spotty.

[00:46] Mae: Well, I'm a mother of ten children, so I have, my oldest will be 24 in July, and my youngest will be two in July. So they are right on, 22 years apart. So I have all these children in that spread out over 22 years. So it's been a while. At times, you're just having the older ones and the little ones, and I'm still nursing out of still, you know, some sleepless nights and. And helping ones to learn to drive. And it's just like, whoa. All a mix, but it. No, it's a wild, fun ride. Six boys, four girls in that mix, and I have seven still at home, ages 16, down to the almost two year olds. Yeah. And just busy. We had second oldest son. He was 14 when we lost him in a four wheeler accident.

[01:37] Jan: So.

[01:37] Mae: Yeah. So now just nine children here with it and all here on earth, but. But he's still one of ours that we, you know, still part of the family, just not here.

[01:47] Jan: Yeah. I feel the same way about the three that I miscarried. You know, that you. You still know somewhere.

[01:55] Mae: Yeah.

[01:55] Jan: That God's got them in their hands and there's people taking care of them and we'll be able to see them. Yeah. How did you deal with that loss? How was that for your kids? And where was God in that for you?

[02:10] Mae: Wow. He was right there in the middle of it. He was right there front and center with us and for us. And, yeah, it was definitely a challenge for them and just things that they went through and. And then for us as the parents, the hardest thing we've been to, so very, very hard just with him being here one moment, healthy, well, in gone the next, because he just went for a ride on the four wheeler, and apparently it flipped over on him because when we found him, he was underneath. He was pinned underneath of it. And so the autopsy showed he died of a broken neck and a broken back, which he said was little to no trauma. So that was a relief for us to know that he wasn't suffering long. He wasn't wondering why we weren't there, wasn't, you know, calling for help. And so one of those things that we clung to just that was. Gave us a little bit of peace in that terrible time. But, yeah, my faith in God, like, I felt a peace I can't even be in to describe. Like, right when that was unfolded, when we found him, I mean, I just felt like that. I've never felt before, and just that communion with God that I've never really had before. And I just knew that he was in it and that he allowed it to happen. It was how I felt, you know, that I was. Felt very much assurance that my son would still be here if he was meant to be here. So we prayed for life again right then. We knew that God could indeed raise him back at that moment, and we prayed for that. And also, you know, praying for his peace to keep us as we move forward if it wasn't meant to be. So that's. That's how we process that. But it was a journey. It didn't. Didn't happen overnight. But I really felt that it was God. There was a plan and a purpose in it, though. I didn't see things right away, and I still don't. But one of the prayers that I was praying that I felt the Holy Spirit giving that to me more than anything. Like, not me, it was the Holy Spirit, was that I was like, God, if there's anyone that knows us that doesn't know you, may this be their moment. So I just somehow felt the whole thing, that others would see God in it and see our peace and God and that. Yeah.

[04:18] Jan: Have you experienced that? Yeah. Have you experienced that personally?

[04:24] Mae: Yeah, I've been able to share a lot where. And people have said this really touched them. So, I mean, I. Yeah, I've given a lot of people a lot of hope and encouragement from it, and I can't say, you know, personally, someone has said, well, I've totally maybe come to the faith from it, but I said the gospel message was also shared at the funeral, which I'm sure maybe happens at every funeral, but he was there specifically. They shared that. Yeah. And then gave people opportunity that if they wanted to come and talk to us or the pastor. And I know there's people there that had seen our faith. I passed around after my mom that she said that someone had, that wasn't even of the faith, but said they could really see my strength in God. So, I mean, that was a testament of God's goodness. And, yeah, you just never know when you share that hope and encouragement how that can help someone and give them. Yeah. That spiritual encouragement or that boost, you know, saying, if you can go through it, they can, you know, go through it.

[05:29] Jan: Yeah. And I think that's the importance that why we do share. I think that's why every story in the Bible is in there, you know, just over the years, you see, God was faithful and God was there and God gave you peace and God gave you hope. And, you know, and the more we share that, I think that does absolutely strengthens even people who aren't going through the exact same thing. It still is just like, oh, yeah, that's the God we're talking about.

[06:02] Mae: Life, you know, or are there hard times and struggles and stuff?

[06:06] Jan: Yeah. Was there ever a time that you felt guilty?

[06:11] Mae: No, I think it was. That was something that we didn't let our minds dwell on, was a place we couldn't go.

[06:17] Jan: Something I could have done that would have prevented this.

[06:20] Mae: Yeah, yeah. Or throwing blame around because we could have. I mean, my husband wasn't home at the time, so I'm initially the one that allowed him to go on the four wheeler over there. And four wheeler was never a toy where he went over by a dugout to look for docs. He'd been out and about already, just looking around, walk around, find something to do after school, waiting for his what we homeschool. But I also had a twelve year old son in school for different reasons that year too, just to give the extra help that I needed. And because I had a new baby, I had a three month old at that time. And so I just, I had him in the. And yeah, when he came in and he told me he was going to Fredox, I didn't, he didn't even ask about the pool. I didn't actually know that he was using that, but, yeah, I mean, it could have been some blame thrown there or wishing me out, I guess. I don't know. We didn't allow ourselves to go there because you can't do that again.

[07:08] Jan: Well, it is. What could you do about it anyway, you know?

[07:11] Mae: Yeah, yeah.

[07:12] Jan: If there was something you thought you could have done, how could you have changed? You know, it's over, so it's not like you couldn't rewind.

[07:20] Mae: Yeah, I'm sure a lot of people could struggle in that area, but I would just not tell him, you can't go there, it's not going to help. God wouldn't want you to. And obviously, again, like he could have not allowed it to happen, you know, but he did. And so then you kind of just pull from that. What do you, like, how can I bring, like, a purpose from this? How can we bring you glory in this situation and look for the positive things in it?

[07:49] Jan: Yeah, yeah. What's your testimony? How did you come to faith?

[07:54] Mae: Okay. Yeah. From, as a child, I grew up in christian home, a home that honored God and everything, and not perfect home because I have yet to see one. But, you know, that's what they wanted was living out. As for me, in my house, we will live for the Lord. And I wanted that myself as a young child. Then I was baptized at the age of 14. I actually didn't really see the importance of it because I thought I already gave my life to God. But my dad and one of my older brothers encouraging me, you know, they felt like I needed to be, that it was a good example that Jesus gave us and that it was, you know, it does say this one preacher and Jesus. Yeah. Just part of the process. So I'm like, okay, sure. Because I already knew I wanted to live my life with God, but, yeah, as a child, but I mentally have grown. I mean, because that's what you should. Right. When you're actively in Jesus, you're. When you first give your life to God, it should look vastly different years down the road, five years down the road, ten years down the road. I believe it's forever groaning and pruning and shaping and putting off these things that are not of God, because, you know, child, we can pick up things. There's not a God. Then as a wife, you've soon learned there's things that could be a good wife. Right? Yeah. Areas that you've got to have more patience or more. And then as a mother, I mean, definitely as a mother and things, I had to grow and stuff. God's really worked on me, and I'm still in progress until the day, you know, my time is up, until he returns her and. And then, yeah, losing our son then was definitely a building and growing in faith and maturing and doing a heart check of a soul check and just was like, God, what do you want us to do? Maybe more of less of do differently and all of that. And I believe that we. We have, you know, did things differently and processed that as much as we could. So, yeah, grown a lot, and I really like to encourage other women in their walk.

[10:01] Jan: Mm hmm. Yeah. So you chose to homeschool. I've been a teacher for years. I'm retired after 30 years of teaching, whatever, never entered my mind to homeschool my kids. I just maybe had started with them when they were preschoolers or something like that. But to, in the middle of things ever to stop and try and do any of them was just kind of like, oh, I don't think I could do that. We'd be doing too much button heads.

[10:31] Mae: Yeah.

[10:32] Jan: So. So tell me about that.

[10:35] Mae: Wow, it is hard. Well, I was homeschooled myself all the way, and so I just felt that's what I wanted at the time. I was reading why my parents were homeschooling was they felt because of, you know, bad influences in the school system and different things, and they reason why, you know, they wanted to. That's what I wanted, was what we planned to do then. And so right from the start, when the children were still in preschool, kindergarten, I just started, and now it's been 18 some years later.

[11:10] Jan: You're a seasoned teacher now.

[11:13] Mae: Yeah, because, yeah, my oldest is, like I said, 24, and I started him at the day after he turned five. And then he's graduated. The one under him would have been Clayton, the one we lost. And then Sam, he's 19 now, so he. I had the first one completely graduate, then our third one now, but in, these others are still in middle of it, but, yeah, the other one needs. And he was. Did better learn, I'm sure, as a teacher, you know how. And he was one that had difficulties learning just by reading, and so he liked the hands on thing and wanted to learn the practical things that he could use for a job, like a trade. And so that's what he's doing. He's a workaholic. Yeah.

[12:02] Jan: What have been some of the joys of homeschooling, just being, I guess, together.

[12:07] Mae: And learning and growing and. Yeah. Just feeling good about that. Felt like I was doing what I could to help train them in the way they should go or what is that? You know the verse that in deuteronomy, chapter six, that you did teach your children and basically about God all the time and stuff. And so just, just being together as family. Oh. And having the freedom to travel. We do travel. So that's another odd thing. Yeah. We wouldn't be able to. I know we couldn't do all the traveling that we've been doing if we had been in school. In school. Because we been going between our Texas and Alberta home or in Alberta, Canada right now. And then we've been going back and forth for the last several years, and then we've done some other traveling, too, a bit, and would like to do more. So there's a lot of families that do full time travel, and that's part of schooling. They kind of just learn.

[12:57] Jan: Yeah.

[12:58] Mae: Go to all these places that you might normally read about. They go and see it and in person, and I discover and all that. So we'd like to.

[13:05] Jan: Major field trips. Giant field trips. Yeah, yeah. That's neat. Yeah, yeah. What kind of challenges have you faced?

[13:19] Mae: Oh, wow. Well, some children are not self motivated. If you're not sitting by them saying do it, they're not doing it. Are there all of those things? And then there's learning, you know, learning some learning disabilities that some of them have had. And reading has been a challenge for me, teaching the children to read. Either they're not wanting to read, or I have impatience in that way. So I've learned a lot, grained a lot of patience, and just realizing that if, well, they don't learn it now, they will learn it as long as you keep trying to help them. You can't just skip ahead too far. But, you know.

[13:57] Jan: Yeah.

[13:57] Mae: It have to be at the moment that, that the book says they need to learn it, but on their own time and especially waiting to read a little bit older. I've heard so many people say that you could, if your child is struggling that bad and it is like, a lot of tears and stuff going on, but just wait kind of, and just read them books. Just do a lot of reading to them. And that's helped a lot.

[14:20] Jan: Yeah. Do you, do your older kids help out with your younger ones?

[14:24] Mae: They just turn them out. But I have some little ones that only want mom's help.

[14:31] Jan: I was like, you're not the real teacher. Yeah.

[14:34] Mae: They're kind of like, no, I want mom's help. I'm like, okay, you're gonna have to wait on me that then, because I'm helping with so and so, we're gonna help with older ones. So that's the challenge right there is trying to work with them all. But I've relaxed over the years. I've learned how to just, you know, chill sometimes. You know, how to, okay, I'm helping these so they can just do something else right now. They can have creative play and do something while I'm helping older ones, and then when I get time, I'll help them and being much more relaxed and learn and realize that there's other ways to learn than buy the books like I used to. But if we're not marking off pages in these in the curriculum, set curriculum in the books and we're not doing school. But that's not true. School happens outside the book in time for both.

[15:16] Jan: Yeah.

[15:16] Mae: Yeah. That helped me through a lot to realize that we're still doing school, even if we're not.

[15:22] Jan: And are you in a home school community? Are you, do you have a. Yeah, not so much.

[15:27] Mae: Maybe in northern Alberta. We have a few families around here that we connect with once in a while. But where we were in Texas. Yeah, that was a big. A big community. We used to do park days. My first oldest ones were little. We would do park days every week that they would get in just time for moms to chat, children to play and connect and have friends. And then they were doing co op too, which I didn't do. That's pretty involved, some of that co op, and I just felt that I would add too much to me instead of a help to me, might be a burden to me. So I didn't. And then with our traveling again, without going back and forth between Texas and Canada, that was a challenge to go. But yeah. Oh, yeah, I do know. And then thanks to Facebook, we. You can easily ask questions on different face, homeschool Facebook groups, some on different ones, and then large family Facebook groups. You just throw in a question on something and you get so many answers, helpful information. If you're asking about curriculum to other things, what do you do, you know, in certain situations with the trial and struggling and. Really helpful. Yeah.

[16:32] Jan: What do you hope? What's your biggest hope for your family? You know, when you look at overall of all your kids and whatever is there, you know, I assume your biggest hope is, of course, their faith in God. But what would you like to see them be as they grow, grow up and get on their own and be.

[16:55] Mae: To be missionary?

[16:56] Jan: Really? Yeah.

[16:59] Mae: Where's my missionaries? I don't really got any necessarily mission by, but at least you can be mission minded wherever you at all. As long as you have that mindset and realize that we're here to know God and to make him known, then you can be that in very various fields or places and not need to just be a full fledged missionary. But, yeah, outside of their faith, like you said, in their faith. I mean, I want to make sure that they love God with all their heart, with all the soul, with all their mind. And that's my biggest, biggest hope. And know that that's the ultimate because you can gain the whole world put it in. If you don't have God, you lose your soul. What do you have. If they have a good education and get all these jobs, but they don't have God as the center of the life, then what do you have? And that's my biggest thing. But just, I guess to do God's will wherever they are and to put him center and find that balance. Cause it can be hard sometimes. Sometimes you write off full fledged work. Like I said, I kind of have a workaholic can my 19 year old where he's very hard for him to find that balance. And I'm like, you gotta find a balance. You gotta have time for sleep. You gotta have time to take care of your body, eat properly. Because he won't. He won't. Sometimes they'll tell me he was like, oh, I didn't even stop for lunch. Like, for different days in a row. I just keep working, and I'm like.

[18:11] Jan: I have one like that.

[18:14] Mae: So I guess to get balance and to put first things first and set your priorities and stick with them.

[18:22] Jan: How do you find your balance?

[18:24] Mae: Oh, well, it's been, it's been hard, but I finally just realized I can only do so much, and so, you know, have the things, priorities that is important. You know, that of course, the school and making sure that the meals are all prepared, and I have all my helpers, you know, because that's a big, important thing. And they help with the house cleaning and the laundry. They do all the dishes. I don't. I help one of my sons at noon because I have two sons. That's twelve. What are their ages right now? Twelve in ten that are responsible for the lunch dishes. And my 16 year old does separate dishes, and my 14 year old daughter does breakfast. But those two boys, they seem to need their mom a lot to help them. So when I need to, I help them, but otherwise they're doing that. And so that takes the load off of me. And then it just seemed everything seems to kind of work out. And then, you know, doing my keeping up my YouTube channel and getting to be a guest on things, that does mean a lot to me, too. And so I kind of worked things around that and been able to find a balance and then for the Bible reading as a family. So for myself, I maybe don't always get in the Bible in the mornings, like, on my own, but I have the kids read for their reading. I just haven't read straight out of the Bible. They're not into reading books, molded son love books and devoured books, but these kids don't. So I'm thinking, like, it's hard to get them to read in a book for their reading time. So I said, well, we'll just reach you out of the Bible. So each of them, three of them, will read to me out of the Bible. And then 16 year old has their own Bible time. So then when they're reading, I'm in the Bible that way too. So that gets me in the Bible. And then we read again in the evenings as a family as well. And then their devotions, that might be get off topic, but with the balance. So I guess you know, everything if you kind of get your priorities short and try to.

[20:11] Jan: Yeah, I mean, it's just really, it. Having a big family is a lot of management, you know. I mean, I counted one time we had 100 pairs of shoes.

[20:24] Mae: Yeah, yeah.

[20:26] Jan: And trying to, you know, between the work boots and having the, you know, your soccer shoes and your regular shoes and all that kind of stuff and whatever, we had a big chair chore chart on the fridge and I'd rotate jobs daily, you know, so they didn't get stuck in the same thing every day. And so we just move that along and trade those out. But yeah, it's a lot. And then trying to get them to activities and all that kind of stuff, you find yourself coming and going. But yeah, busy people can manage a lot because they just know how to manage, you know, better, I think.

[21:03] Mae: Yeah, yeah. And it helps if your children get used to doing things on their own. Can see a task and do it without being told. Some might have been better at that than others, but some are just not. And I'm wondering if I'm always telling them what to do. Like they wait for me to tell. They can see baskets of laundry sitting there in the living room, but they can pass it by and pass by and tell them, like, fold the laundry. Okay. Yeah. Then they'll do it. Or like, oh, it doesn't look like anybody swept the floor today. Oh, okay. Now they'll sweep it. But until I say that now the dishes are different. They really do know the dishes, except those two boys at noon, but otherwise dishes are different. But it's funny with that. But then I had my oldest son. He would see a basket of laundry sitting on the couch and he would fold it without being told. He would. And then the other son that would see the dirty floor and sweep it. So there is, I don't know, somewhere that way. And some are not well, but that.

[21:55] Jan: You know, all of that is all teaching them how to be in a workforce, you know, to be able to be a job and see what needs to be done and don't have idle hands and, you know, figure out how to make it all come together. Right.

[22:10] Mae: Yeah.

[22:11] Jan: It's part of learning to be an adult eventually. Yeah.

[22:15] Mae: Now this is all schooling, you know, so we do school in ways that when I think I'm not getting schooled, I know we are because this is the life training that is very vital to carry on for them later.

[22:26] Jan: Yeah. And so they can carry on that. That heritage as well, you know? So anything else you'd like to share?

[22:34] Mae: I don't know. Just that we need Jesus more than we might realize. Like this mothering thing and then walking out a loss and all of that, that couldn't do it without Jesus. So, like, your mothering and everything is not going to happen and not going to these children, you know, you can't be for them what you need to be or be that example for them. If you don't have Jesus as your first and place center, as the focus of your home, it doesn't mean that you're going to. You have to have a perfect. No, it means that you have to want him above all else and then trying every day to live that out and to be closer to Jesus. And, you know, when you make mistakes, be quick to admit to those kids can see anyway right things you do wrong, be quick to admit and realize it's wrong. And so to hand it together. When I get onto the kids or some things, I'll tell them you myself. Tell them about myself? Yeah. That I, too, am struggling with the lack of patience or these different things and so that they can kind of see together. We are trying to work on that, and it is God that does the work when we invite him in and to do that work to show us where we're wrong. But, yeah, we can't do life without Jesus. So that, he's my number one answer. And it's a relationship. It's not knowing about God, not knowing about knowing stuff in the Bible, not just being able to quote verses, but that's that intimate relationship with God. And that's going to give you that peace and that joy and that hope and. And that perseverance to keep pressing on and. Yeah. Because it's a hard journey. Mothering is definitely hard. Homeschooling is even harder.

[24:12] Jan: Yeah. Yeah, for sure. Okay, well, thank you. This has been really fun and interesting, and I think it's just something that will touch a lot of people.

[24:21] Mae: Yeah, I hope so. I love encouraging others. Yeah. And their mothering and their walk with Jesus and everything.