1. Understanding Self-Transformation, Relationships, and Astrology

In the first episode of 'Becoming Sunshine,' host Madeline introduces the podcast's mission to help listeners better understand themselves through personal experiences and metaphysical modalities. She shares her journey of transformation during her Saturn return, emphasizing the lessons learned from a significant relationship. Madeline discusses the concepts of soulmates, karmic, and twin flame relationships, and how they contribute to personal growth. She also delves into astrology and human design, explaining her own signs and how these systems can provide deeper self-awareness and validation. Throughout the episode, Madeline stresses the importance of self-love, facing core wounds, and nurturing one's inner child to achieve one's highest potential.

Chapter Markers
00:00 Introduction to Becoming Sunshine

00:59 Meet Madeline: Host and Guide

01:32 Astrology and Human Design Basics

02:09 Understanding Relationships: Soulmates, Karmic, and Twin Flames

10:22 Healing and Self-Realization

21:32 Astrology Deep Dive: Saturn Return

23:53 Conclusion and Farewell

Transcript

0:00

Any time you're triggered or something is coming up for you, just take a moment to pause why is this hitting me like this? why is this resonating so deeply? and that usually is because it's touching upon core wounds or shadow stuff that we haven't addressed yet, it really is a gift. It's a hard gift to accept, but it is a gift. Once I realized that, I was like, okay, I'm listening universe, what do we need to do?

Madeline: 0:32

welcome to Becoming Sunshine, for those of you that know me, you know that sunshine has been an alias of mine for almost a decade now, and sunshine also is me becoming my highest self, and that's what this podcast is about. I'm here to help you understand yourself better, and maybe learn some more about myself along the way. Thanks so much for joining me. I'm excited. hey guys, it's Madeline. Thanks so much for tuning to Becoming Sunshine episode one. I've been wanting to start a podcast for a few years now, and I finally decided to take the leap. I think for a bunch of reasons, but I'm going through a lot of transitions right now. I'm in the midst of my Saturn return. For those of you that know what that is and have some knowledge about astrology. If not, we'll get into it. A little bit about me, I am a Pisces Sun, a Taurus Moon, and a Scorpio rising. I am a lover girl through and through. If any of you know about human design, I am a manifesting generator, a three six profile and a sacral authority. If you don't know a ton about astrology and human design, we're definitely gonna talk about it on this podcast. I think it's so interesting and I love learning about different modalities that help me understand myself and validate my own experiences that my relationships. I wanna talk about something that has been one of the biggest themes during my Saturn return, I learn a lot through my relationships. I think maybe that's just part of my design. I'll talk about the difference between soulmates, karmic relationships and twin flame relationships. Soulmate relationships and twin flame relationships act as an incubator for your evolution, one can say, carmic relationships they're a little bit quicker. They teach you a lesson or show you where you had some suffering then once you learn that lesson, I guess we could say they move on. You can have multiple soulmate relationships and karmic relationships throughout your lifetime, but you can only have one twin flame. The term twin flame comes from an old, philosophical ideology when a soul ascends to its highest vibration, highest frequency, it can actually split into two. Then these souls reincarnate over multiple lifetimes, but they're always searching for each other and eager to find each other again, yearning for each other. So that's why when you come across a twin flame relationship, it's magnetic. It's very passionate. It's almost this invisible force is pulling you two together. oftentimes it's a very tumultuous, sometimes even toxic relationship, but that's kind of part of the twin flame energy mirrored souls, they're mirroring back to you. Your deepest triggers, your core wounds, the things that you don't wanna look at, your deepest, darkest shadow, So they're very intense, but. they end up being transformational a soulmate relationship can be platonic, it can be romantic. It's usually a very harmonious relationship. They come into your life and contribute to the fun and excitement of life. They help you along your karmic path they help you with your evolution. It's usually not as life altering, as a twin flame relationship. In a twin flame dynamic, you are a completely different person at the end of it, you changed because you had to. Twin flames come into our life at a certain point because something wasn't working we weren't evolving fast enough, we weren't raising our vibration to match what we were calling in we needed that little push someone should just shine a light on an area that we really didn't wanna look at my experience with my own karmic relationship I learned some of my hardest lessons, had an on and off relationship for over five years. In the beginning I was in a completely different place in my life than I am now, I was really lost. I didn't really know who I was when I met him, he wanted to be committed and I didn't have space for him in my life. I didn't know who I was, so there was no way I could open my heart to someone else and know how to love someone else. I didn't really even know how to love myself at this point. I had an underlying chronic condition. I was sick and I didn't know it yet. I just had all these symptoms disease is really disease, and that's where I was in my life, I didn't make the best choices. I was floundering trying to pick up the pieces from my previous relationship. I just graduated college not too long before. I really didn't have a lot to offer anyone, not even myself at this point. This was when I first started on my spiritual journey. Once I got my diagnosis and I realized I was suffering from a chronic disease, I really understood the changes that I needed to make, I understood how important energy was and how important it is to conserve our energy, how precious our energy is. I remember how much I struggled with social anxiety too at this point, more than I realized, I used a lot of things to cover that up when I was younger, whether that was drinking or some kind of numbing. I wasn't able to really get in touch with myself and I wasn't really able to connect with others when he would invite me around his friends, I just remember having this horrible social anxiety and I was like, okay, what is this? This is an important aspect of this relationship he was very social and always wanted to include me in stuff I would always say, oh, I can't, I'm busy. I was very non-committal, just because of my own issues. It really showed me places where I was like, we need to look at this like what's going on here? It started that journey for me and realizing, hey, maybe I've been around people that don't really light me up. I've been around people that I really don't feel aligned with, why has this become such a thing for me? Why has this social anxiety, developed? I think also too, it's a symptom of the disease I was dealing with at the time. Later on in the relationship, we flipped roles. It's interesting how we always would mirror each other. When he wanted to be in a committed relationship, I wasn't ready. Then when I was finally ready to be in a committed relationship, I had done some work at myself. He was in a bad place, we were constantly triggering each other. don't get me wrong, there was a lot of love between us and a lot of romance and intimacy. We had a great connection, but we definitely, knew how to push each other's buttons. I almost think it was subconscious. I don't think we ever like went out of our way out of our way hurt one another or to trigger one another, but he really showed me the things I needed to look at and I needed to work on. I know I probably did the same for him. When he wasn't wanting to commit to me anymore. I was so hurt because I was like, wait a second, you wanted to be with me before? What's the problem now? I've done all this work seemingly on myself, and I just didn't understand, and that's when I realized I had done work on myself and I had figured out a lot of things, but I wasn't showing up for myself in different ways, When we would take breaks and he would date other women. I would feel so triggered. I would always imagine in my head, the woman that he must have left me for. Of course, this is some fictitious woman I made in my head. I always imagined the same woman. It was a woman that was further in her career than me. She was more confident than me. Her social presence or social platform, her social standing was more evolved than mine I just remember thinking this woman, this amazing woman all of the qualities. I remember thinking to myself, why was I so triggered by this fictitious woman that I've created? And then it hit me, I realized the woman that I was imagining, he left me for this dream woman was my dream woman. It was my highest self, who I wanted to be, who I didn't feel like I was or I didn't feel like I could be at the time. It was just crazy to me when I had this realization I was so triggered by my highest self, my version in my head of my highest self, but it was in somebody else, of course he would choose this person because this is the person I wanna be. That's when I realized it's not about him. It's not about what he thinks, it's about me and how our reality is really just a reflection of our internal world. I'm not happy with myself. I'm not choosing myself, I'm not seeing myself, so of course he's not, of course he's looking for what I'm looking for in myself, that's when I realized he's not the problem. I am the problem. Maybe not in the relationship per se, but I wasn't loving or choosing myself. I wasn't showing up for myself, so of course this man's not gonna choose me. Really, when we're triggered, it's the greatest gift. It's showing us exactly what we need to look at and what we need to heal that is one really beautiful thing about. The twin flame relationship and any relationship in general.

11:16

Any time you're triggered or something is coming up for you, just take a moment to pause why is this hitting me like this? why is this resonating so deeply? and that usually is because it's touching upon core wounds or shadow stuff that we haven't addressed yet. It really is a gift. It's a hard gift to accept, but it is a gift. Once I realized that, I was like, okay, I'm listening universe, what do we need to do?

Madeline: 11:44

My core wound is I'm afraid to be seen in any real way. Where am I hiding everywhere? In my relationship, in my career, socially. We gotta stop that. We need to cut that out because we're amazing. I know I'm amazing, my friends know I'm amazing. It's time to share it with the world, share our gifts with the world. That's when I really started to shift my perspective and reframe things and started talking to myself differently. It's okay to be afraid to put ourselves out there, but when you think about it, there's nothing worse than regretting not doing something, not going for it. When we're old in our bed in our hundreds, hopefully and we are looking back at our life I never wanna regret not going for it and not stepping into my worth and my power and claiming all the things that I deserve. It's our birthright and it's about time we start acting like it. I will forever be grateful to this man. We had our problems and our differences. I'll always be thankful for the lessons that I learned in the realizations that I had from that relationship because if it wasn't for the pain and the suffering and that relationship, I never would've realized all these things. I never would've made these changes. I never would've started this podcast. I never would've stopped caring so much about what people think What my parents think what my parents' friends saying, why are we worried about these people that don't really have any real impact on our lives? The only person that we really need to feel accepted by is ourselves and the only person we really need to show up for is ourselves. Obviously if you have children, you need to show up for your children, but you need to show up for yourself first. You can't pour from an empty glass. I think I used to have this fear of shining too brightly I feel the way I grew up in childhood, this was probably a survival thing. My family moved around a lot I was the new girl a lot in school growing up, and I always wanted to fit in, so I got really good at being a chameleon, not standing out too much, not shining too bright. I think that followed me into adulthood. I realized I put that into my subconscious I can't be a shining star, so other people can shine, so that I'll be loved and I'll be accepted but you help others the most and you give back the most when you're shining your brightest that's something that I've learned recently people say, if not me, then who? If not now, then when? But it's so true. If you're not gonna be the main character in your own story, then what? That's doesn't even make sense. I feel as a recovering empath, I'm always trying to think of others and be accommodating of others, but again, the most I can do for others is by doing the most and showing up the most for myself. Loving yourself and putting yourself first is really the best way to take care of everybody. I saw this recently on, Instagram actually, I saw this guy was working on healing his inner child he set his phone background to a picture of himself when he was a child, and I did that and it hits different. Every time I go to pick up my phone, it used to be a picture of my dogs or something, and I love them. I will probably change it back one day, but for now, I love having a picture of my younger self. It reminds me to be kinder to myself, to speak kinder to myself to show up for myself more to do things for her, to do things for myself. It's crazy we can just kind of, mm, with our adult selves, when it's a child, we wanna do everything we can to love that child and take care of that child, but we are that child we need to start acting like it, we need to be kinder to ourselves. We need to do stuff for ourselves to nurture them and take care of them and make sure they have play in their life. It's crazy, try it, let me know what you guys think. I'm gonna keep it as my phone background until I'm not triggered by it anymore.'cause again, when I feel triggered by something, I recognize this is something that I need to look at. This is something that we haven't healed. I'll change my phone background when I'm no longer triggered by my childhood self. I wanted to briefly talk a little bit about astrology and human design, because I use those modalities as a way to introduce myself and describe myself. These modalities are very helpful in, understanding someone. The birth chart is very complex. The more I learn about it, the more I've been able to validate myself and my experiences it is very layered, the main triad is what I was referring to when I was talking about my sun, moon, and my rising signs. The sun sign is the one I think we're pretty much all familiar with. It's what you think of when you think of your Zodiac sign it's the day and the month you're born. that's the bulk of your personality, a lot of your traits and characteristics are reflected in your sun sign. If your sun sign is your conscious self, your moon sign is your subconscious self. Think core beliefs, values, maybe the way you see yourself, maybe not the way everyone sees you right away maybe your good friends see you this way. I've heard that as you get older, your moons sign can become more and more important to you. Those qualities shine a little bit more, your rising sign is the fun one, in my opinion. It's interesting a lot, I'll guess people's rising sign instead of their sun sign because the rising sign is the way you project to other people or the way you come across to other people, the first impression that you give and the way other people see you, you on the world stage. The main triad makes up the bulk of your personality. The rest of the planets are all important and play a role, and we'll definitely get into it on another podcast episode along with Astro Geography and all of the things. Human design is a little bit different. It's actually based on astrology, it's based on the Iching, the Kabbalah, the chakra system, astrology. It's very in depth, very involved. I'll definitely have to devote at least one episode to human design. you're either a generator, a manifesting generator, a reflector, a projector, or a manifestor. I am a manifesting generator, so that means I generate my own energy. I have that ability, not everybody has that ability. So their energy is very precious. I'm also able to manifest things pretty easily. The three six profile line that I talked about earlier, everybody has a different profile the first number is conscious. The second number is subconscious. The three line means that I'll have three distinct periods in my life. It's interesting, it aligns with my Saturn return the first period, because the first period of my life lasts for about 30 years and then the next 30 years and the next 30 years, and Saturn takes about 30 years to make its full orbit. Right now I am near the end of my first 30 years as a three line, and I'm also in my Saturn return, so I am going through all the feels right now and transitions, and it's exciting and fun and scary. The three line is all about trial and error, so it's all about learning lessons, the hard way and personal experience. I will learn everything the best through my own personal experience versus somebody trying to teach me tell me or explain to me, I'll never learn things as well as I will through my own personal experience. The three being the martyr, the six being the role model. The six is the role model, basically I'm taking all of these experiences that I've collected over the years and I'm using that wisdom now that I have to teach others and lead others, that feels really aligned for me and what I feel called to do. I feel my stories and personal experiences will help people heal themselves. I feel like that is my calling in this lifetime, that's one of the goals of this podcast. I am a sacred authority you have a different authority, so basically what it means to be a sacral authority is that I make my decisions from my sacral center, my life force center. I have very strong intuition, very strong gut feelings. I know in my body, when something is meant for me or not meant for me when you get more in tune with your body, you can really hear and feel these cues The more I've learned about these modalities and the more I've learned about the mind body connection, everything is connected and feeling and being in tune with your body is so important, especially when it comes to your health. There is a place for conventional medicine, but our bodies are very wise and they can heal themselves they've been doing it for thousands of years. We just need to give them the tools and give them the support. A lot of times we hold trauma and stress in the body, and that manifests as disease. I am speaking from personal experience. I've learned to heal my body by healing my trauma and healing other things in my life. It just goes to show that it really all is connected Earlier I said I was in the midst of my Saturn return, let me explain what that means for those of you that don't know. Every planet in the solar system has its own orbit around the sun and every planet in your birth chart is in a zodiac sign at the time of your birth. When I was born, Saturn was in the sign of Pisces; currently Saturn is in the sign of Pisces again, and that hasn't happened for 28, 29 years. That's how long it takes for a Saturn to make its orbit'cause it's so far out in the solar system, it's so big, so vast. The moon, for example, has a 28 day cycle because its orbit is so much smaller just to give you a little bit of perspective during most people's life, Saturn will orbit three times. The first one is an astrological coming of age. It usually happens around age 29, but it can start as early as age 27, and it usually lasts two or three years. So During this time, we come into adulthood. We really come into our own, we. go through a lot of transformation. We go through breakups, we go into relationships, we move to different cities, we start new careers. It's really transformative. It's usually difficult. We're taking responsibility for ourselves and our lives really for the first time. Afterwards we'll be fully prepared for the life and the person that we're meant to be it's really a beautiful time. It is very stressful and confusing and yeah, it's a.. trials and tribulations. usually you'll go through another Saturn return in your mid to late fifties. Sometimes this is referred to as a midlife crisis. It's a time to reevaluate and see if you really did step up and live up to your full potential. Then in, in your late eighties, you'll have your final Saturn return unless, we end up living significantly longer. This is really a peaceful time, a time to reflect that one's kind of beautiful. The first one, kind of rough. Second one, kind of rough third one a little bit more peaceful, a little more beautiful, so we get a break Saturn is the planet of responsibility, accolades, hard work, learning lessons the hard way sometimes so it is a lot of transformation. It's very beautiful, but there is that harder side to it, it is what it's, anyways, thank you so much for listening. I hope that you guys learned something, enjoy this, got something out of it. If you enjoyed today's episode, remember to comment, like, and subscribe. Share it with your friends. It really does help me. You can also go to my website at becomingsunshine. com and subscribe to my newsletter. You can support the podcast there. Thanks again. I appreciate you guys so much and we'll talk soon. Bye!