The Honest Piece: Navigating Self-Love and Overcoming Negative Self-Talk

Ever struggled with being your harshest critic while striving for self-love and fairness? Join us on this enlightening episode of Honest Peace by Mad Gorilla as we sit down with Josh Dickerson to explore the delicate balance between self-discipline and self-compassion. Josh candidly shares his personal journey, reflecting on the significance of treating oneself with the same kindness and respect extended to others. Together, we unpack the profound impact of self-criticism and the tender path toward self-acceptance.

We shine a light on the pervasive issue of negative self-talk and its influence on our self-worth. Josh and I dive into how past relationships, personal achievements, and societal pressures mold our internal dialogue and sense of deservingness. By sharing personal anecdotes, we uncover strategies for maintaining a positive mindset and the importance of surrounding oneself with uplifting influences. This episode is a heartfelt reminder of the power of self-compassion and the essential role of personal responsibility in transforming our self-perception.

In the final segments, we take a deeper look into the realities of personal growth and the enduring journey toward self-love and acceptance. From understanding how childhood experiences shape our self-view, to the necessity of changing our environment for better life circumstances, Josh and I cover it all. We also discuss the power of gratitude, the strength found in trust, and the value of embracing every life experience with an open heart. This conversation is a testament to the importance of self-love, mutual support, and recognizing that everyone deserves to be treated with love and respect. Join us as we navigate these intricate themes and guide you toward a more balanced and fulfilling life.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:21

Hello everyone. Welcome to the Honest Peace by Mad Gorilla. I'm Dan Reeves, your host, and today I've got with me Josh Dickerson. How are you doing today, buddy? Hello everybody.

Speaker 2: 0:30

That's good, that's good.

Speaker 1: 0:32

Awesome, happy to be here, man. I'm glad you're here because I think this is going to be a great conversation. I think it's going to wake a lot of people up Just over the topic we're going to discuss today, which is be fair to yourself. Now you're over there saying, dan, this is going to be difficult for me and I see the look on your face, but I remember the conversation that we had the other night when you called me over to say hey, dan, I want to have dinner with you, let's have dinner. And we went to Willie Jewel's and ate, had a great time, as always. We always have great conversations.

Speaker 1: 1:04

And here's the thing You're 20 years younger than I am and we've learned so much from each other, right, and I don't know if any of you have caught on already, but in my introduction video I had talked about porch time with Dan and my buddy, josh, and this is who I'm talking about. So it's going to be a great conversation today. I'm looking forward to whatever comes out, because I have no idea this is not scripted. We do have an idea of some things written down to talk about. What conversation we don't kind of keep everything on track, I guess is the best way to say it, so our conversations go pretty diverse yeah but we'll kind of hold.

Speaker 1: 1:45

We'll try to hold in all the squirrels and keep the cage. Keep the cage closed a little bit. We'll try and stay within the cage if we can. It'll be all right.

Speaker 2: 1:52

We're going to be here for sure. This is fun.

Speaker 1: 1:53

We always do All right. So let me ask you, Josh, what does it mean to to you when I say be fair to yourself?

Speaker 2: 2:03

That's a difficult thing, to be honest. That is it's been. I will say it's been more difficult lately. Um, only cause dealing with so many things, with personal business and everything in life, it's harder to hold down. You don't have the same strength each and every day to hold down the normal stresses that come from life. Normal stresses that come from life. But to be fair to yourself is it's a broad spectrum for me, to be honest, because I'm an odd squirrel.

Speaker 2: 2:32

Being fair to yourself is loving yourself. First and foremost is loving yourself, which is probably the hardest for most of us to do. But at the same time it's also being very hard on yourself. If that makes any sense, it does, Because I will say, the times I am most disciplined, I'll say, is when, because discipline is the highest form of self-love. I would say Because, if I would say Because, if you don't hold true with what you say to yourself, then how can you hold true with what you say to anyone else? So if I tell you, hey, Dan, I'm going to go run a mile and I don't run a mile, are you going to believe me? If I tell you, hey, Dan, I'll be there for you in any moment. That's necessary. You may not tie the two, but the two are inherently tied together. It's what I tell you should be truth.

Speaker 2: 3:31

To be fair to yourself though I'm probably the worst one to ask for that opinion on wholeheartedly, I'm not fair to myself, by no means. I am my worst critic, as we all are. I am hardest on myself solely because I know what I'm capable of. But also, inherently, I know what my past has produced. I know what I've done in life. So it's hard for me to love myself knowing the wrongs I've done in life and the wrongs I've written. And I'll say that's probably the most difficult thing I would say to be able to come past is just we're all our worst enemy. We know the wrongs we've done, we know the rights we've done, but they don't make the wrongs any better. To be fair to yourself inherently, I think, is to treat someone, to treat yourself as if you're responsible for caring. If you're, how do I put this? Treat yourself as if you're someone you're responsible for caring for.

Speaker 1: 4:45

If that makes sense, oh, it does make sense actually.

Speaker 2: 4:47

So, for example, all of my tattoos are technically in resemblance to my grandfather who passed away due to Alzheimer's. Okay, I spent the last several years wiping his butt. I would never speak to him how I speak to myself Never.

Speaker 1: 5:04

And that's because of the amount of respect that you hold for him, how high you hold him that man was on a pedestal for sure.

Speaker 2: 5:10

Sure, I can relate to that.

Speaker 1: 5:12

So one of the things that I've done over the years in talking with people and we've talked about this first one, I started the idea of having a podcast was that I've been told many times this is something I should be doing and I just kept putting it off just simply because it was like why would anybody want to listen to me? Why would anybody, why would anybody even relate to me? Why would I be one that could possibly help somebody else? Yet, again and again, and again. I'm in the same position where somebody goes you just a little bit ago. You must have done this your entire life because you're so good at it, and I really haven't. I haven't done anything remotely close to something like this. I'm actually scared to death as we sit here right now, because we are exposing ourselves to self-discovery, and that is a very difficult trek to do, because you're going to sometimes open up the doors that you thought you had closed already, when really you haven't even gone through the trauma and actually processed it correctly.

Speaker 1: 6:25

Would you agree? A hundred percent, okay? So for me it's like oh man, I love your haircut. Oh, you've done this right. Well, thank you for helping me. And you're just like I really didn't do much or you know whatever. I can't possibly look good because my inward projection of myself does not match what my outside is. I feel completely different about myself than I project to people. I'm not that confident of a person, but I feel confident now because I'm having this talk with you and you're one of my closest friends, if not one of my best friends, because I keep my circle small. I don't really want I didn't want a bunch of people in my life. I wanted the quality over quantity, right.

Speaker 2: 7:14

The realer you are, the less friends you have.

Speaker 1: 7:16

Yeah, the most exactly so for being fair to myself is accepting that I have value to bring to the table in certain areas. It may not be all areas, because I'm not a perfect person by any stretch of the imagination, right, but I tend to have a nervous laugh when I'm talking to people and they compliment me or they go to something that I've done and I'm just like I can't be that impressive. I'm just a nobody. So one of the things that I did and I've had to back myself away from is over committing myself so many times. Let me ask you this, and for all of you viewers out there as well, think about this how many times have you said yes, I'll help you? If it's a friend saying I'll help you work on your? You know I need help working on my car. Or can you help me put in a new water heater or anything like that? How many times have you said yes, I will help you? And then you're not even fully engaged or fully involved, I guess with the situation, because you'd rather be doing something for yourself, but you feel so selfish for doing it. You're not present. Yeah, you're not present in the moment.

Speaker 1: 8:33

I found myself many times sitting down and saying I wish I would have done this instead of this, because a lot of times when I've done things for other people, I said I'm not looking for anything in return, but I am looking for them to be there and they're not there yet I expect them to be. Does that make sense? Like I don't say anything to them, like, yes, I don't, I never asked anybody for help. I don't say anything to him, like, yes, I don't, I never asked anybody for help. I never. I never, um, feel like I'm good enough to ask people for help, like I'm responsible for myself, I'll fix it myself. I'm never comfortable with people doing it with me because they're not as a perfectionist as I am when it comes to doing certain things, because I have a, a way. My work ethic is doing certain things because I have a way.

Speaker 1: 9:25

my work ethic is, and so I tend to say yes to situations, but I end up just completely decimating anything that I'm supposed to be responsible for or anything that I know needs to get done. On my side, I tend to give myself more than to everybody else than I do to myself.

Speaker 2: 9:44

Accurate. We had the conversation years ago on that front porch about you reaching out and you overcommitting yourself Because I think you had went through memory serves me correct you went through a few months of overcommitting yourself constantly. I mean it was two or three months of every weekend. You didn't even get to do anything you wanted to do because you were helping everyone and their mother constantly. I mean, it was two or three months of every weekend you didn't even get to do anything you wanted to do because you were helping everyone and their mother constantly.

Speaker 2: 10:09

Was that when we were jeeping? Oh, yes, it was near the end of jeeping. I think it was near the end of all the shenanigans. I think it was near the end of that. But I remember we talked about it because you were. It wasn't a breaking point, but it was a point to where I could tell you definitely I don't want to put it you were having a rethinking moment about your own actions and the people you were putting those actions towards. That makes that makes sense. Yeah, it seemed like what you just said, the fact that you weren't. You were almost wishing people to read your mind, in a sense.

Speaker 1: 10:57

Yeah, I can relate to that.

Speaker 2: 11:00

And that's just like that could be our friendship. If I would need something from you, just like you and Jeannie, it's any relationship, any dynamic there is, there's always everyone individually. What did you say in the kitchen earlier? Everyone individually has their own needs. Do you want to treat someone how you want to be treated necessarily or do you want for them to treat you how you feel like you should be treated?

Speaker 1: 11:31

That one. There is hard because I want to feel like I wanted to be treated well, yet I'm like I don't deserve that, and that's where that's the honest piece is saying that particular statement.

Speaker 2: 11:52

What makes you not deserving of it, though?

Speaker 1: 11:55

I wish I knew that answer, because everything that I feel inward like being unworthy, being overweight I'm overweight, you know, I need to lose weight. And the thing is is I used to be so trim, I used to be, uh, I used to look in the mirror and go, hey, you're a good looking guy. And now I just say I make comments like when people go, hey, look up, I can't hear you, and I'm like, ah, it's because I have low self-esteem. I look down a lot, so and I laugh about it because it's me putting myself down and trying to spend a little humor on it, and I think that's a nervous tick that I have. It is, or a what is it. What do they call that? A coping mechanism? I guess is that's how I tried to brush it off and make it seem like whatever, right, um, and I'm always afraid to ask for help from anyone.

Speaker 2: 12:59

I can agree with that.

Speaker 1: 13:02

So I don't know. I don't know what the answer is, but I do know this, and I've mentioned it before that when we have these conversations and even with porch time with Dan is what you call it you put that name on it I think about it all the time. I'm like man. I wish I could sit down with Josh and do porch time with Dan, just with myself, sitting on the porch, talking to myself, going you are better than what you think you are, and trying to change that mindset. I don't know what that is, except that I have to stop and my therapist is the one that brought this up, was he said be fair to yourself, because every time we talk I hear you doing something great for other people. Yet you become a recluse and you tighten up in the fetal position and you feel like you don't deserve the reward of being complimented or the idea that you are better than what you think you are. You're so scared of that being that good person that it's an unbelievable situation that you could possibly be meaningful in something.

Speaker 2: 14:23

So whose voice have you listened to? Because you are never born with a negative voice, a negative self-talk of any form. It is created in events in life. It's either created listening to people who are responsible for you at some point or it is simply by people who you're around. I mean, we've spent enough time around each other where we could have negatively or positively influenced each other. I mean, how many times have we sit and I know I've cried on your porch? I don't know how many times I'll probably go cry during this stinking thing too. So, but it's just, that's our conversations. Sure, but where's that voice coming from? What, like? Why do you feel like you don't deserve it? Coming from what?

Speaker 1: 15:09

like why do you?

Speaker 2: 15:09

feel like you don't deserve it, I can come up with my own possible reason.

Speaker 1: 15:11

Okay, we'll share it with you.

Speaker 2: 15:12

It's not what I was.

Speaker 1: 15:13

Well, oh, okay ask a question and I'll answer it but I would like you to give me what you think. That is, you say you think you have an idea where it come from. Where, so where does it come?

Speaker 2: 15:21

from Mine is different in different situations, to be honest. For example, my initial negative self-talk can be from the wrongs I've written in life, people I've hurt, just bad things I've done in life. I mean none of us are perfect, by no means I'm the lowest of low, for sure.

Speaker 1: 15:49

So do you think that through all of these different things that we learn, for instance, when we pull up our phone, we see all of these different motivational quotes, we see TikTok videos, facebook reels, instagram we see all of these little things because of the algorithm? Because of the algorithm, when we are working on ourselves to make ourselves better, we are always searching for the answer in other things, when really the answer is inside ourselves. Right, because if you talk better to yourself, you will always outwardly be better, outwardly be better. I believe that's truth. So it's the positive mindset of oh, here's a great one Just came to mind. If you are around five millionaires, what will you? What do you think you'll become?

Speaker 2: 16:47

Oh, you become the average of the five people you spend time around.

Speaker 1: 16:49

Right. And if you're around five negative people that are constantly consuming everything around you, what do you become? Negative, nancy, a product of your environment, am I correct? So it's a good point to make that, if you are constantly beating yourself up, take a look at your surroundings. For me and I'm not meaning to cut you off, because I really want you to answer what you were going to say I don't want to hear you again, but for me, I have to take responsibility for what I was when I was younger as well, and a little background about that is that you know, I've had a bunch of stepdads, okay, and for the most part, none of them were really good to us, but I can also understand. There was five boys, all close in age, and we were hell on wheels, right, right, oh, I know you were for sure. So it would be a lot for anybody.

Speaker 1: 18:02

And when you meet someone and then you realize that all of this comes with it and it's not baggage, because it's reality, it it's. It's. You either accept it or you don't. It comes, it's no different than you know. You're meeting a woman and you decide that you want to marry her. You're not deciding just to marry her, you're marrying everything that comes with her and that goes the other way as well, but you're marrying everything that they come with and some doors are going to be opened that you're like, wow, there's some huge skeletons in there and you need to decide early on whether you are truly committed to doing anything with that person or if it's something that you absolutely cannot handle and you can't prolong the inevitable. If it's not going to work, it's not going to work.

Speaker 1: 18:48

So for me, when I was younger, there was a lot of physical and mental abuse. Okay, and I carry that with me still today and I'm 50 years old. So I'm thinking, wow, how can I possibly feel like anybody would want to hear what I have to say, want to hear what I have to say? And so I, when I'm talking Outwardly to people, or I'm talking in this podcast I'm talking to you just in general that it comes from a place. When I'm talking this, the motivation to do this podcast, comes from that pain that I had suffered through for so long. It is. I'm not going to allow that to consume every piece of my being.

Speaker 2: 19:41

So that's why I'm doing this. So how about you? That's the definition, I would say, of real strength. Right there, though, too. Okay, that's not an easy thing to do. By no means most people want to.

Speaker 2: 19:58

We all live a story. There's a story we all tell ourselves about our lives, how we are, who we are anything of the sort. The more you repeat that story, the more it comes true. You constantly, if your story is, you're a piece of shit. You are a just just negative story. You will live and produce a negative life. You put nothing but bad gas on the car. You are going to get a shitty running car.

Speaker 2: 20:21

Same concept, same concept with your life. You put in bad fuel in your body, whether it be food or your thoughts. You will always produce negative things. You are your own little factory. Whatever you put in, you replicate and put out around you. Your circle can be as wide as you want. With social media and stuff like this, we can broaden our circle. Like you said earlier, you're the main influence of the five people you hang around. What did you say? You're the product of your environment, which is the most truth, because what most people don't realize for them to which sucks for some people, but if you're in a toxic environment, you're in a bad spot. The quickest way to change your life is to change your environment. Hands down.

Speaker 1: 21:11

And I think there's a process that goes along with it, and that is the self-love process Stopping and saying, okay, I need to put myself first in some situations, because we both don't. We are what we call people pleasers.

Speaker 2: 21:29

We're wired that way, but we'll, we'll, we'll touch back on that.

Speaker 1: 21:33

Okay. So we tend to put our own feelings aside, we tend to put our own needs aside, because we wear our heart on our sleeve. We will talk. We will talk literally to anyone that would be giving us the time to just say what's up, you okay. Now, the majority of the time, you can read that very quickly, whether or not they're genuine or not and whether or not you share, because if you share, then you're comfortable with that person. Otherwise you say I'm good, I'm fine.

Speaker 2: 22:02

You don't want to be vulnerable.

Speaker 1: 22:03

Yeah, because we don't want to appear weak. Oh, that is man's ego.

Speaker 2: 22:10

It's all of our ego. It's human nature's ego but definitely it comes even worse with testosterone.

Speaker 1: 22:16

So being fair to yourself is a good one. I think being fair to yourself is focusing on something good about your body rather than something that you'd rather change.

Speaker 2: 22:34

That's a good, that's a. That's a. That's a hard one for a lot of people, because most people only solely focus on the negatives of anything. They don't focus on any positives they have. You can't have to divert too far off subject, but the part of your brain that deals with anxiety is the same part of your brain that deals with anxiety is the same part of your brain that deals with gratitude. You cannot be grateful and anxious at the same time. Yeah, I can see that I live an anxious life, so I didn't think and I'm grateful for a lot of things I have. I mean after, just after, after you having to have surgery on your neck, you woke up from that realizing I could have been dead, I could have woken up paralyzed, I could have woken up without a voice box and you that's just humans working on other humans you realize how grateful and blessed you are to be able to be up and moving your feet now after that kind of surgery.

Speaker 1: 23:28

Sure, this, this podcast doing this is to help me. If it helps somebody else, fantastic, that's great. But this is situated around helping me understand a little bit better, because I am so hard on myself, because I don't feel like I could possibly mean anything to anybody. But here's the cool thing about it when I told you that I was doing, this were like damn, are you?

Speaker 1: 23:57

serious and you didn't stop calling and you didn't stop texting and you're like I can't wait for us to do this. And you said in the conversation before we even I've pushed a button for you and it woke you up. It invoked a ton of feelings within you. It made you feel a certain way.

Speaker 1: 24:22

It was like I finally get the opportunity to sit down and, regardless of the camera or not, regardless of the camera or not, this guy is going to crack open all these shells of stuff that I've held onto for so long. We are going to just start and I said it in one of the videos where we tend to think that we can wrestle everything to the ground and I got a hold of it when really we don't have a grip just yet. We are still navigating the world around us by these little experiences and they only get better the more honest we are with ourselves and when we are fair to ourselves and go. I am capable of this and people are grateful for me and I do bring value to a situation. There is something that I'm doing for me that this is this If, even if you weren't sitting here, I'd still be having this conversation, I'd just be having with myself.

Speaker 2: 25:31

I'm blessed to be here sitting with you. To be honest, man, you know I love you.

Speaker 1: 25:37

One of the things that um think about when we're about being fair to ourself as well, is identifying things and not being things that you want to do, and not feeling selfish about it, because we talked earlier about say no more often, right, and that is saying to yourself it's okay, I don't have to help everybody, because one we can't help everybody we can't. Some people are not ready. You learn differently. What I mean by that is is let me give an example you're in school and they're and schools are so overcrowded right now. Right, there's like 30 plus kids in a in a classroom and teachers are struggling right to cope with that environment, because most definitely they are not just teachers, they're not having to be babysitters, they're not having to be babysitters, they're not having to be protectors and all of this other stuff. And they didn't grasp the idea in the beginning. And I don't mean this in a derogatory way. What I mean is that when you're teaching, the idea is that, oh, somebody's going to learn something from me and it's going to be this great thing, this great, grand thing. And then you find out that you've got kids that don't even want to come to class, some that don't do their homework or whatever. Here's, the most important thing is that children learn differently. We are we are not exact replicas. We are not clones of each other, right? So people learn differently at different times.

Speaker 1: 27:08

Some people are going to watch this and think this is a joke. Some are going to watch it and see I really needed to have this conversation. I really needed to hear that I'm going to be okay even when things are not okay, because you and I have walked that already and there's many years between us. Right, there's days we're going to be down. There are days that we're going to be so high you couldn't, nothing could possibly catch us right, we're floating in the universe. Amen to that. So, identifying one thing that you'd like to do and not feeling selfish for it, because there's times that I've wanted to buy things that I wanted and I felt selfish for doing it because I feel like I'd be taking away from something else that I'm supposed to be doing, which you're supposed to take care of yourself. You're supposed to take care of others.

Speaker 2: 27:59

You can't pour from an empty cup. You know that. You know that for a fact.

Speaker 1: 28:03

Yeah, are you an empty cup? Are you a half empty or half full cup?

Speaker 2: 28:09

My life I will always be a half glass, full, full, but I'm wired to be a full, empty glass. It makes no sense. I know that, but I have. I know how I'm wired and I know how I'm raised to an example, just like earlier with the uh, people pleaser. A small little aspect I learned.

Speaker 2: 28:30

I don't have kids yet, but a simple thing that you can do to help wire your kid to not be a people pleaser is, for example, if just say Ryan comes in and Ryan's like hey dad, I just drew this awesome painting I want to show you. And you're like what does every dad say Good job, son. Proud of you, what you should do at the end of it is good job, son. What do you think about it? So you're not teaching your child to go hey dad, I need you to like this. I need you to prove this for me. I need happen to come from your loins. He's just your son.

Speaker 2: 29:15

At the end of the day, he's going to be his own man in this world. You're no different than anybody else. For them to please you is going to transpire to someone else. He's going to end up trying to please his best friend. He's going to end up trying to please his boss, his girlfriend, his wife, anything of the sort. Put that perspective into the kid, back into themselves. Don't put that perspective into I want to make sure dad or mom likes this. What do I think about what I created? Dad told me he likes it. That's cool. What do I think about what I created? Do I like this painting? Do I actually like it? There's a dog crap like. Put the perspective back into the kid. Make the kid think introspectively instead of etric introspectively I don't even know what the world wow, my brain just okay

Speaker 2: 30:07

shut up entirely. But you know what I'm trying to say. Like you want, it's just like off entirely. But you know what I'm trying to say. Like you want, it's just like you can tie this back into moments of your childhood. I am the world's worst people pleaser. Because of moments like that, I want I don't feel like I'm worthy of something and I want someone else to give me that satisfaction of you're worthy of this love, buddy, like you're worthy of this attention. You're worthy of this love. You're worthy of this few minutes I could spend time together.

Speaker 2: 30:37

You get burned once. What is it? A burnt cynicism is better than a blind naivety. So we all start off naive and you end up becoming very cynical because you get burned. Somebody hurts your feelings or something of the sort, or something you trusted, someone who ended up breaking your trust. So you're hey, I'm now going to be cynical and I'm not going to trust anyone. And now no one can break my trust, which is the entirely wrong way to be about any of it. You should, in that term, trust way more, because it shows how strong you are in life in general.

Speaker 2: 31:18

It's easy for all of us. Every single one of us on this planet has been burned in some way, shape or form. We have trusted and or loved someone who has broken our trust or stomped on our hearts. That's life. That is solely life. How you react to that is really the determinants on where your life goes from that. So, for example, mine, I didn't have to allow that person to create distrust in my heart. I just should have been smart about it.

Speaker 2: 31:50

And goes this person I can no longer trust. I will still trust everyone until they give me a reason not to trust them, but in this moment I chose the wrong path to where I'm not going to trust anyone because I don't want to feel this way again, which is the I'm going to say, the most childish and weak form of response to that type of event. Because the true, the strongest people are the people who are trying to welcome every. In my terms are the ones who are trying to welcome every aspect of life without shunning any part of it. You are not. You're the definition in my eyes. You're the definition of a real man trying to create equipoise in his own life. You are trying to find balance within your life entirely because you want to. You love everyone. You love people you don't even know you love strangers.

Speaker 1: 32:53

You've never met a stranger. There's that nervous laugh. That was better.

Speaker 2: 32:55

So you, you did a great job at fighting that nervous tick right then. But do you feel how? You wanted to just nervous laugh. You, just you. That was the smallest, most subtle compliment that I wasn't. I'm just being honest with you. I'm not trying to compliment you whatsoever. I can't have your head getting any bigger, because we'd have to, I'd have to squeeze you out that door with some jelly on the side of your head. But it's just the point of the fact, man. It's just being honest with you. Even little, small moments like that, you did a great job, but you wanted to just give that nervous laugh. Have you noticed that you're noticing these things? I do. You're not trying to change them, but you're noticing these things I do.

Speaker 2: 33:31

You're not trying to change them, but you are. You're noticing them. To change and fix anything, you have to have attention brought to it. That's to be fair to yourself. That's the honest part right that's it really is the honest part yes, it is, but that's a big struggle for most people because most people aren't going to be honest with themselves so there was something that came up as you were talking about being young and not having all.

Speaker 1: 33:58

for me and my perspective is not having all of the tools like we have now in the age that we are at, that we are constantly evolving, we're constantly adapting, constantly changing, trying to figure out what it is and where do I fit in right. And my brain was saying that I you would ask, why do I think I deserve the things, or I don't deserve the things that I have, or I've worked so hard to earn? And my brain was going because if I take or work for something that I want.

Speaker 1: 34:49

I guess, or something that I deserve, that I'm being selfish, I feel like somebody else deserves it more than I do, but I'm just as human, and here I am saying I'm just as human as everybody else, and everybody deserves to be loved, and everybody deserves to be loved and everybody deserves to be respected, and everybody deserves to have their own voice.

Speaker 2: 35:17

But I can't figure that out, can't figure out why you feel like you don't deserve that voice I wish I knew.

Speaker 1: 35:23

I wish I knew, because I feel so good when I'm helping other people and yet I discount my worthiness every time I do you. When you call me and say I want porch time with Dan Dude, I'm on cloud nine Because I get the chance to help somebody Just through words, that's it. I'm not doing anything other than giving up some of my time for you, and so I get smacked in the face with dude. This guy loves you so much and he puts so much into you that he wants to talk to you. He doesn't want to talk to a tree, he doesn't want to talk to himself, that he wants to talk to you. He doesn't want to talk to a tree. He doesn't want to talk to himself, he wants to talk to you. And I try to push that away so many times. I try to push the idea that somebody could possibly want to love me, but I want to be loved so bad. Am I crazy to think like that?

Speaker 2: 36:43

No, no, because you understand. You just said that everybody deserves love. You just have to figure out why you feel that Dan doesn't deserve that love, because you know everyone, even the people who have made worse decisions than you feel like you've made. You do believe that they deserve some type of love. And that if you, if they told you the same thing, like hey, I, if if they laid their life out and it looked like dance to where he has a beautiful home, a beautiful wife, two beautiful kids, just a beautiful life, and he kids, just a beautiful life. And he has done all these awesome things. And then, mind below it, he started just giving away vehicles to people who were in need. Not even just him helping people, just his time, devotion, his leverage, that he can do, not his words spoken, but you're giving away whole ass vehicles to people who truly need them. If you took your life and laid it out on a piece of paper and then slid it to you and someone asked, hey, do you think this guy should deserve to go buy himself something nice or do you think he should just be able to deserve to love himself, I guarantee you you would look at that.

Speaker 2: 37:57

Read three sentences out of 50 and go hell. Yes, what is this guy's problem? Why does this guy not believe he deserves happiness and love? Because he's done countless things to other people, he's helped numerous people, he's had he's. I can probably slightly guarantee we're not going to be 100% because we're not weak men. We have weak moments but we're not weak men. But I can almost guarantee I don't know if I'd still be here if we didn't have a few of those porch talks. What did you tell me at Willie Jules? I was discounting whatever I was going through. You got mad at me, but I discounted whatever I was going through. We went through something similar and I was discounting everything I went through because I went through it. So it's nothing, it's life, it's part of things that we have to deal with.

Speaker 1: 38:55

We put no value in our own experience.

Speaker 2: 38:57

Yeah, because you're always trying to take care of other people or trying to help someone else in some way, shape or form. But you're now understanding, through this little situation that we have right here, those situations you've been in in life, are able to help other people. How many times, in just a few stories we've shared, have we helped each other? I know for a fact at least once in the past. However many years it feels like 20 by now but at least once we've talked to each other off a ledge.

Speaker 1: 39:30

Oh, absolutely, I agree. And so you have to ask yourself, or all of you out there can you identify with this? Can you see where being fair to yourself is absolutely important in your growth and unlocking the potential that you have and the value that you bring to others? And the value that you bring to others? Because I'm having a hard time with this one, because I am not fair to myself. I laugh off compliments, I laugh off the idea that I move people, that you deserve love. I discount that I deserve love and I want it so bad because I'm a words of affirmation person, I'm a physical. I love, I love being hugged, because that, to me, is genuine, it feels genuine and I'm a genuine person. And the thing is is I'm genuinely a loving person, but I'm also genuinely a raging person.

Speaker 2: 40:38

That's because and oh, I've seen your raging moments I thought I was going to have to take you out of jail a few times or give you some bail yet, at least once. But it's because you love so wholeheartedly. It's those moments that we're referring to, that we're not going to speak of right now. It's because you love wholeheartedly. You're not going to to that we're not going to speak of right now. It's because you love wholeheartedly. You're not going to half-tail anything you are going to. It's all or nothing with you. It has always been all or nothing.

Speaker 2: 41:08

That is an accurate description. That's you. You're not going to half-heart nothing, anything you do or anything you feel, it is not half-hearted. If you feel love or care towards someone, you are going to murder for that person, absolutely. I know you, that's what I'm saying. You have a small circle that I know you will kill for, because you know also, in return, several of those people in that circle that you would kill for would kill for you too. You understand that you might want to push that off every now and then and just feel like, oh, that's, that's nothing, you just want to push it to the side, rather than protect somebody else, because I feel like I can protect myself.

Speaker 2: 41:51

You feel like that isn't that you can protect yourself. You, you're, you're not naive to that but'm shutting out.

Speaker 1: 41:58

What's happening is I'm shutting out the possibility that anybody would want to protect me. See the unworthiness there.

Speaker 2: 42:06

The fact that you're shutting it out. You understand your own actions are technically pushing people away. I've done it. I couldn't tell you how many times I've done I. I guarantee you I do it to this day. I guarantee I've done it to you, guaranteed, I guaranteed I've pushed you away. You have there I know for a fact here's the thing.

Speaker 1: 42:29

Yes, there have been, just like you said, the many porch times that we've had, even the ones that weren't porch time, we were out jeeping and doing our thing. Now josh and I met through, uh, the southeast george jeep club and we had some freaking great times, man, some great times. And so you know, you got this young kid that's trying to figure out how to work on his jeep and he's so hands-on that he just gravitated We've kind of gravitated toward each other, it was a.

Speaker 2: 43:01

It was a weird, it's weird, it's a weird attraction.

Speaker 1: 43:05

They're put, you know, they, they attract, but when, if they're the same magnet, they they push against each other. Same pulse, yeah, but we don't, we don't, we are so much alike.

Speaker 2: 43:16

I'm a 20 year. I'm just a younger version.

Speaker 1: 43:21

It's weird, but I've always told my wife that you're an old soul and, josh, as many times as you've said that I've helped you, you, in return, have done the same thing for me when I'm, when we finished porch time and even after we finished this video here, this episode.

Speaker 1: 43:50

I am going to be 10 feet tall and bulletproof when this is over, because this is just the start of something so big. I can't even possibly fathom it. You have helped me tremendously in understanding my value as I've gone along. It has shut doors for me that I've honestly dealt with, but the door was still kind of cracked a little bit and I was finally able to shut it and put closure on it, because I was like Josh made a good point. When we were at Willie Jewel's the other night, you said something to me it was after we were done and you were in the parking lot, remember that and you said something to me and I was like, wow, I wish I knew, I wish we would have been recording at that time because it was such a good conversation, but it was three hours long.

Speaker 2: 44:42

That was a three-hour parking lot conversation. I mean, I guess we could eventually have Willie Jules talk one day. Matt's going to come out and kick us out of the parking lot.

Speaker 1: 44:51

So this is the takeaway we have to eat the cookie.

Speaker 2: 45:03

Could you reiterate?

Speaker 1: 45:04

Sure, when I'm talking about just eat the cookie, I'm talking about taking away the things in the situation that you believe do not exist, acknowledging that and saying I do situation that you believe do not exist. Acknowledging that and saying I do deserve that, I do deserve the compliment, I did something great for somebody. That should feel good, that should be you go, I did that and you repeat it to yourself. I've given people exercises before. When you get up in the morning, look in the mirror and say to yourself 10 times you are worthy, I love you, and not that I love my wife or I love my kids, or I love Josh, I love myself, I love you. Right, you are worthy, you deserve this, you've earned it.

Speaker 1: 46:01

One of the things that I've tried to work on is getting away from the things of saying I deserved it, I've earned it, I've earned it. I've worked so hard to be loved, to identify what love is, and I've learned to understand what I want out of love. I've learned that the idea behind it because, as stated, love is universal, right, everybody knows what that is that feeling is. It's that burning, tingling feeling under your skin. It's the butterflies that men do get and you do get butterflies when someone says I love you and it's the person that you really want love from. That's the being fair to yourself. Saying that that is the person that I want and put so much into that. I want that to come back. I want it reflected back to me. That's the being fair to yourself part.

Speaker 1: 47:05

Give yourself the cookie and eat the damn thing. It's okay to feel that love that's coming back to you. It's okay to feel the compliment. It's okay to feel that feeling of that overwhelms you and washes over you and you blush a little bit and you go that was nice. You're just like it's nice, but there's more to it. There's more to enjoy, right. So eat the cookie and forgive yourself for the mistakes that you've made, because you're never going to be that 12 year old again. I'm never going to be that 6 or 7 year old again. The people that I've hated over the years and there have been many, because I've created a lot of enemies- in my own thing, but I've gone and said people can change If they want to they can

Speaker 2: 48:01

yep and they and they deserve the opportunity to change right they deserve your opportunity to change because, for example, you you can run into someone that you've known 10 years ago and you two are totally polar opposites now, but if you still judge that person off of the person that they were before, then you're not giving that person the chance that they deserve to show you that they changed. If they come up to you preaching the same nonsense and it's the same person, then you know where to put them in, adjacent to your own life. You can keep them at a distance. They'll talk to them every now and then Tell them you can never talk. Talk to them again, give them a hug and send them away with love. It's, it's situational, it's wanting them to eat, but it's just not at your table.

Speaker 2: 48:41

I think, and then, that that is a mindset that I pray everyone develops, because I can't stand the fact that people nowadays will want harm upon somebody. Or, as it's the saying, I've always, I've, I've lost friends that I thought were going to carry my casket one day and it just we're no longer friends. Life has taken us apart. Those guys know who they are and I love. I still love those guys. Can I still be friends with them and still hang out with them the same? No, because they would hinder me from becoming the person that I know I can be in life. But does that mean I want them to eat dog food or eat off a floor? I want them to be happy, healthy, rich and successful at their own table.

Speaker 2: 49:37

I think that's the worst mindset for people is they want Like I hear guys all the time nowadays is they want revenge on somebody. It's just that is the worst childish mindset you can have at all your revenge, quote-unquote. The only revenge you can have is happiness and success. If you and I beat the shit out of each other right now because of a disagreement, in 10 years later I come back and I'm like, hey, dan, I've done. I did all these great, I built a successful podcast myself without you, and all this in the end of that, I did all of that because of you. That is not winning at all. Coming back and being truly successful and then being able to help you in some way, shape or form if that's deemed necessary, or just give you love and send you on your way. There's no. There's no revenge. Revenge is the worst for people who've done me wrong. I don't want revenge. If I wanted revenge. My revenge will be they will have to see me on a tv one day super successful, which you'll never see me on a tv.

Speaker 1: 50:52

I'm gonna, I'm gonna be.

Speaker 2: 50:54

I don't know, I'll say. But my thing is, if I'm rich and healthy, one day I'm going to be living on a mountain somewhere secluded away. So that's. If this wasn't for you, I would not be doing none of this social media nonsense. Like you said, I'm an old soul. I don't like this kind of thing.

Speaker 2: 51:09

But I'm here for you because I know, like I told you when you first mentioned this, if anyone deserves some type of platform to where that they can not only heal themselves, but if they can be as vulnerable as Dan is, allow that vulnerability to be seen by the world or just one other person out there, and for that person to even see this moment, in that moment to be able to change them or them. Watch this podcast, in this series, because you're not going to stop this. So, whether I'm here or not, you are going to be sharing this same story. People are going to watch you grow. Little moments that mean nothing to you will be life-changing to somebody on the other side of that camera. So that's why it's little conversations that we have.

Speaker 2: 52:04

I do wish that our conversation at Willie Jules, we could have just even put a little microphone and just had a voiceover or something. I'm trying to remember what I told you because it was a quote that I have just buried in my own little ADHD-filled head, so they'll just randomly, they'll randomly come up every now and then, but I do remember what you're referring to and I wish I could rebuttal it again and just I wish I could repeat it. But I know what you're referring to. But, like I said, if anyone deserves this, it is solely you. And I know how much good you can do, because I know how much good you've done without this kind of platform. I know how much good you've done just walking around speaking to people with your own two hands and your own mouth. I know how much good you've done. I've seen countless people cry out of happiness from your own actions. You've you already know how. Don't you laugh at me, don't you give no nervous laugh. I am, I'm having thank you.

Speaker 2: 52:58

I just need to say thank you you are very welcome Dan.

Speaker 1: 53:04

So say thank you a little bit more to yourself, even if you don't say it out loud. Say thank you to yourself. Someone compliments you. Be fair to yourself because you've earned it. You've gained some sort of respect from that. Because you've earned it, you've gained some sort of respect from that person. You've gained a friend. Whether you know it or not, you've gained something and it's worth something because you were worthy enough for them to say it and do it and speak it.

Speaker 1: 53:37

So I challenge you all to get up in the morning tomorrow morning and tell yourself I love you, I trust you, you are valuable, you've earned it. And smile when you do it real big it, and smile when you do it real big, because as long as you keep repeating that, it will become reality and that's being fair to yourself. So we're going to tune out for now. We're going to bring this up in another episode. We're going to man. There's so much to talk about and I just look forward to doing this again, because I always find myself really breaking down to you, because I am absolutely relatable to the things that you say and I am grateful for you over and over and over again, many times.

Speaker 2: 54:32

Well, I'm grateful for you as well, man, you understand that, and it's why we have the talks we've had. I mean, how can we think about when our first sports talk was? I don't even remember five, six, seven years ago, it seems like.

Speaker 1: 54:45

Well, I was trying to do math too. I think it was like 10 or 11 years ago, but we're going to keep these going. We are. But so thank you all for joining this. Uh, I'm dan, your host.

Speaker 2: 54:53

I'm with josh dickerson, josh thank you for having me, thank you for everyone for listening.

Speaker 1: 54:56

I look forward to having the next episode. Don't know where it's going to take us, but we know where we're going to go. We're going to keep moving forward, being fair to ourselves, and I challenge you to do the same thing.

Speaker 2: 55:07

And loving ourselves.

Speaker 1: 55:08

Absolutely, absolutely, josh. Thank you so much. Have a good one, my friend. Love you, brother, and we'll talk to y'all later. Thanks for watching the Honest Peace and listening to the Honest Peace by Mad Gorilla. I'm, dan, your host, and we're signing off. Remember find the inner peace before releasing the inner beast. Have a great night.