Embracing Empathy: Gifts and Trials of Being an Empath

Ever felt like you're a lightning rod for emotions, absorbing the moods of those around you? I'm Jim Cunningham, your guide through the Unscripted Mind podcast, and in this heartfelt episode, we unravel the bittersweet existence of empaths. With my background as a licensed professional counselor, I'm shedding light on how a high sensitivity to others' feelings can be both a profound gift and a formidable challenge. We navigate through the often-treacherous waters of emotional overload, the art of setting boundaries, and the pitfalls of connecting with toxic personalities. Understand why empaths mistakenly think they can mend every heart and soul they encounter, and learn how to avoid the mental health pitfalls when that ideal crashes against reality.

I couldn't end the show without expressing a mountain of thanks for joining the journey. Your engagement fuels my passion for sharing, learning, and growing together. I'm all ears for your questions and burning topics you'd like us to explore in future episodes, so don't hesitate to reach out. Our conversation is aimed to empower you to embrace the unpredictable with an adventurous spirit, and if you've felt a connection with our exploration today, subscribing and leaving a review would be greatly appreciated. So, until our paths cross again, carry with you the courage to find joy in the unscripted moments of life, and seize every day with vigor.

Transcript

Intro

Speaker 1 0:03

Someone once said as an empath, it's vital to learn the fine line between feeling someone's pain and allowing it to consume you. We assume that being an empath life is easy. They go along, to get along, no problem, right Wrong. Today, on the Unscripted Mind, we're going to explore the unique challenges empaths face and discover some practical and powerful strategies to not only help manage your sensitivity or the sensitivity of someone you might love, but maybe turn it into their superpower. Welcome to the Unscripted Mind podcast, where our goal is to give you fresh perspectives, practical insights and tools that you can use to give you more choices, increase your awareness and have better control of your feelings, reactions and behaviors. My name is Jim Cunningham and I'm a licensed professional counselor, and today we're going to discuss the problems with empaths. Well now you might be thinking empaths are great people, and they are, but often our blessings can also be our curses, and our strengths can become our weaknesses. It's really two sides of the same coin. So first let's discuss what exactly is an empath? Lots of definitions out there for that, but for our purposes today, empaths are usually individuals who are incredibly attuned to the emotions, moods and energy of other people. They almost can hear what you think and what you feel. They are kind, they're caring, they're altruistic and they're very giving people. It sounds like a wonderful trait, right? But, as I said, as with many of our strengths, there come challenges that usually are unseen. Now, unfortunately, by the time I usually see an empath in my office and I see quite a few of them they're anxious, they're stressed, they're sad, they're feeling overwhelmed, they're tired. A lot of times they're angry at themselves and often they just don't feel good enough. You might wonder what leads to all of these symptoms. Well, unfortunately, there's a lot of things, like I say, that empaths face, that a lot of people don't they're kind of living life on steroids and the fact that they can hear and feel and sense things that most people don't. So in a lot of ways, they feel more because they sense more.

Speaker 1 2:31

Again, this sounds like a superpower in and of itself, and it really is in some ways, but again, it's kind of like having a superpower where you might be able to read everyone's mind. That might sound cool at first. At some point that's going to be very overwhelming. This is what I find with the empaths too. So what is it specifically about the empaths that make life so challenging. Well, I mentioned being overwhelmed by other people's emotions, and in a lot of ways I see empaths as kind of emotional tofu. You know, tofu takes on the flavors of whatever it comes in contact with.

Empaths in toxic relationships

Speaker 1 3:08

Empaths are very similar. If they go into a room with highly stressed people, a conflictual situation, a lot of sadness, a lot of grief, they can be very much overwhelmed by all of that and they start owning it as their own. This kind of leads to the second problem, in that they don't just see the problems, they want to fix the problems, and so, in relationships in particular, one of their biggest challenges is feeling like they can fix other people and fix other people's problems. So I've seen this in some relationships, where people kind of bring home strays, for lack of a better word. They see the problem with people, they see suffering in the world, they see how challenged people are and they think they can fix them. This is not something most people can do for someone else. The assumption here, of course, is that the other person wants to be fixed. That's usually not the case, which leads into one of the biggest fears and problems that I see with empaths, and the real danger for them is that they become targets for toxic individuals, the narcissists, the antisocial personalities, the energy vampires, the takers, the users, those who are perpetual victims. These people seem to have an uncanny ability to find empaths, seek them out and exploit their kindness. They take advantage of the empath's best qualities. Now, this is a problem for a lot of people, but it's especially problematic for the empath because they have other tendencies that contribute to and make this even worse. One of those problems is their inability to set good, healthy boundaries. It's a real challenge for them. Even if they can identify what their boundaries are, which is a challenge in and of itself, then they've got to enforce the boundary.

Speaker 1 5:06

Now, these are people who do not like conflict. They don't want anybody else to be unhappy. In fact, they will often take the bullet for themselves so that somebody else isn't inconvenienced. That becomes a problem for somebody who lacks empathy, who is manipulative and has no problem taking advantage of another person. The longer these relationships go on, the more they tend to devolve. So what ends up happening is the empath keeps trying to make this other person happy. They keep trying to meet all of the demands that are thrown at them. Meanwhile, they're enduring criticism, manipulation. They begin to doubt themselves, and so, as they try harder and harder to keep this other person happy, they lose contact with themselves. They lose their identity, their sense of self, who they are, what they want, what they need, and instead they abdicate all of that to the person that's taking things from them. In a lot of ways, they're trying to fill up a bucket that has no bottom. They just don't realize it at the moment. So the only conclusion that they are left with is well, I must not be good enough, because clearly this person's unhappy. I've done everything I can do to try to please this person and they're still unhappy, so it must be my fault. That leads to a ton of anxiety, a ton of stress, panic attacks, isolation, all kinds of things.

Speaker 1 6:36

Now you might be thinking well, just get out of the relationship. That's what you do with a toxic relationship you just get out. Not that easy. Leaving a toxic relationship is just get out. Not that easy. Leaving a toxic relationship is easier than it sounds, especially for the empath, because, number one, they're still busy blaming themselves for everything that might possibly have gone wrong and why things aren't going well.

Loss of identity

Speaker 1 6:57

The second problem is that if they start to assert themselves. That's going to lead to conflict, and that's no good either. This, of course, leads to the biggest problem and the underlying issue to begin with, is they've abdicated their identity and their desires. So the worst thing I can ask an empath a lot of times is what do you want? They don't know, so even getting out of the relationship leaves them feeling very untethered and not sure which direction to go.

Speaker 1 7:28

Finally, one of the biggest challenges for empaths is lack of self-care. They're very self-forgetting people, and this is something I would like to say to all the empaths is that taking care of yourself is not selfish? Is that taking care of yourself is not selfish? If you ask an empath to start doing things for themselves, even if they can identify what it is they want and need, they feel very guilty about that. I shouldn't be doing this. I should be taking care of somebody else. I don't deserve to have this time to myself. Somebody else might need something.

Speaker 1 8:01

So, with these challenges, what do we do about that and how do we begin to address those? Well, one of the first strategies that I usually engage with clients is helping them figure out what boundaries they need to set for themselves. What things are they not okay with? What things do they want to change? And then, what are they planning on and willing to do about that boundary once it gets crossed? Because in order to set the boundary, you have to communicate the boundary, and if you're dealing with a toxic person, that's not going to go well. So one of the challenges is helping the empath understand that the peace that they want in this world is usually on the other side of the conflict that they're going to have to go through. World is usually on the other side of the conflict that they're going to have to go through. That's a big, daunting task and something that takes a while for them to get their mind around and to understand the importance of it.

Speaker 1 8:53

The second part of setting the boundary is managing expectations, and this is true of all boundaries. Whenever you set a boundary, it's going to make things worse before they get better, and you have to understand that going into it, because as soon as somebody pushes back no-transcript. If you understand what the expectation is, then you know what to expect and you understand that this is just part of the process and it's not something that you've done wrong. This, of course, ties in very closely to their sense of identity, who they are, what they're worth, how they feel about themselves all ties into their sense of identity. All ties into their sense of identity. That is a longer process to try to help someone understand, but once they can start setting boundaries, the confidence can come back and they can actually start making progress and feeling good about themselves instead of beating themselves up a lot.

Speaker 1 9:54

The third thing is taking care of themselves, and again I said this before it's not selfish to take care of yourself. It's vastly important, in fact, to do the things that they want to do for other people. They have to take care of themselves to be their best self. When you get on the airplane, the first thing they tell you is, in the case of emergency, put the oxygen mask on yourself first. Why is that? Because if I'm going to help my kids, I have to be conscious, and without oxygen I won't be. So I've got to take care of myself first so I can be my best for other people.

Speaker 1 10:30

The challenge here is that the empath needs to figure out what they need, what they enjoy, maybe rediscovering themselves and, in a lot of ways, redefining themselves, and these could be simple things for self-care. It could be taking a walk alone. It could be enjoying a hobby that they haven't experienced in a long time. What kinds of things are they curious about that they can go and explore, exercise. Having good supportive relationships is always important. We need someone to be a good sounding board, a sanity check for us, to make sure that we're not missing things and other people can see things about us that we can't see ourselves. So that is super important to have those good supportive relationships. Finding someone who is a good supportive relationship is a topic of a whole other episode.

Conclusion

Speaker 1 11:15

There's good news in all of this Empaths are wonderful people and we all need them in our lives, and they contribute so much with their superpower of perception and sensitivity and caring. And we can bring the best out in the empath by doing a few of these simple strategies helping them create some boundaries, creating awareness of what they can and what they can't do, helping them understand that not everything is their problem to solve and help them take care of themselves, giving them permission to go exercise, to enjoy a hobby, to enjoy some friends and just to relax sometimes. I think that by implementing these strategies, empaths can better manage their sensitivities, leading fulfilling lives while still embracing empathetic traits, because we don't want to lose that in the process. Remember, being an empath is a gift, it's not a curse. It's about learning how to manage that gift effectively, though, like most things, I recommend they are simple, but they're not easy, and that is the real challenge.

Speaker 1 12:20

Thanks for checking us out on the Unscripted Mind podcast today. If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe and leave a review, and if you have any questions or topics you'd like us to cover, please include that also. Until next time, remember, life doesn't come with a script, so embrace the unexpected, cherish the unplanned, always stay curious and have an amazing day. We'll see you next time on the Unscripted Mind, thank you.