Peeling back the layers to reveal the intricacies of our emotional fabric can be both daunting and enlightening. That's precisely what unfolded during my transformative conversation with the intuitive Martin John. You're invited to witness a personal revelation as we trace the roots of my emotional patterns back to childhood. Along this path, we uncover the unexpected ways that deep-seated protective mechanisms, formed long ago, continue to shape our financial and emotional landscapes. It's an intimate look at the power of facing our innermost barriers and the freedom that comes with such vulnerability.
As this episode draws to a close, I am filled with an immense sense of gratitude for the community we've built together. Your steadfast support breathes life into each episode, and it's with heartfelt thanks that I extend an invitation to join me on the Wisdom app for weekly live discussions. Should you prefer a more personal connection, my Facebook and website are open for conversation. Together, we're forging a space of shared growth and healing, and it is your participation that makes each step on this journey so incredibly rewarding.
Peeling back the layers to reveal the intricacies of our emotional fabric can be both daunting and enlightening. That's precisely what unfolded during my transformative conversation with the intuitive Martin John. You're invited to witness a personal revelation as we trace the roots of my emotional patterns back to childhood. Along this path, we uncover the unexpected ways that deep-seated protective mechanisms, formed long ago, continue to shape our financial and emotional landscapes. It's an intimate look at the power of facing our innermost barriers and the freedom that comes with such vulnerability.
As this episode draws to a close, I am filled with an immense sense of gratitude for the community we've built together. Your steadfast support breathes life into each episode, and it's with heartfelt thanks that I extend an invitation to join me on the Wisdom app for weekly live discussions. Should you prefer a more personal connection, my Facebook and website are open for conversation. Together, we're forging a space of shared growth and healing, and it is your participation that makes each step on this journey so incredibly rewarding.
and today I want to talk about an amazingly powerful healing that I've been going through, particularly today, but it started yesterday evening. I've been talking a lot recently on my wisdom app about healing processes, what healing is all about the energies and shifting energies, and that any healing process is basically all about energy, whether it's the release of trapped energy, the movement of energy from one place to another, whether it's too little life force coming into the body or too much. And for me, this healing was around a trapped emotional protective process that I was still unaware of. And this is the lovely thing and it always makes me laugh. It doesn't matter how far you are along your spiritual path. It doesn't matter at what level of consciousness you exist in that moment. It's always a very humbling experience to discover that there is still something unconscious and unobserved running beneath your awareness, causing huge ripples throughout your whole life, and I'm always totally delighted when I discover one of these.
Speaker 1:
Now, I am not somebody that has a lot of emotions. It's something that I have worked hard on clearing, so at any moment of my life during the day, I'll be totally clear of all emotions and feelings and thoughts. In fact, as I work, I work from a different level of consciousness and I hold divine love and illumination as I work and if I am, emotional feeling pops up to me. It's really exciting because for me it's like oh wow, where did that come from? That's interesting. Then I sit with it and I clear it. It can take a few seconds or a few minutes, but rarely any longer, so it's not really in my nature. Or a few minutes, but rarely any longer. So it's not really in my nature anymore to go delving deep into past feelings or emotions unless there is a reason for it, because there's no point in delving into emotions just for the sake of it. So it's always been difficult for me in the past to sort out psychological problems through the use of a counsellor, because they would generally get you to delve deep into your emotions and that is not something that I'm generally all about. So I have most of my life been very aware of and most of the processes that happen. I have somewhere to live, I have a roof over my head, I have enough money to live quite comfortably, comfortably but I've now got to a place in my life where I am finally at peace with what I'm doing, with my lifestyle and where I'm at, and so it now gives me a space to start looking at some of the aspects of my life that I might not be so aware of or have control over that I want to have a look at more deeply, and one of those areas as it with so many people is finances.
Speaker 1:
I've always struggled with finances. I've always had never enough for what I needed and I've always had a sense of constant anxiety and, at times in the past, even great fear around finances. I can go into endless mental debate on what I think the cause of this might be. Is it karmic? Is it something I have a lesson to learn around? Is it just that my spiritual life doesn't need that much? I could go into endless debate and mindless cycles discussing it with myself.
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So it was that I actually approached someone, and this took a lot of trust and we'll go into the process of trust in a minute because it does come up but I had a lot of trust to find somebody that I felt could be a good mirror and a reflection for me, someone who had an innate sense of intuition and insight to offer me, and I found that person in the wonderful Martin John, a young man with the most incredible insight and intuition. And so it was. We had a conversation last night and I started with this is what I want to explore. I want to explore my financial situation, what I feel about money, what's going on, and I just started to gabble all the thoughts that had been going around in my head and whether consciously and very clearly. Cleverly, he just stopped me gabbling and got me to connect with my emotions. It wouldn't really have mattered what emotions I was connecting with, but they were uncomfortable emotional memories for me during my teenage years at school and I was describing these. I had to choose to associate with them and to do a deep dive. It's not pleasant and it's very uncomfortable, but I was willing to explore and to trust the process. So I went exploring.
Speaker 1:
Now, when you are doing healing work and, as I said before, it's all to do with the movement of energy and it's not essential to name or describe what's happening, because energy is just energy is just energy but for the sake of describing what happened to me and in a way that will help other people, I'll be naming and describing the changes and feelings that I was going through. So, when I was at school, it was a very lonely experience for me because I was English in a Scottish school, which might not mean a lot to other people, but you are very isolated and not fully accepted and as you grow into more awareness in your teenage years, you become more and more isolated just because you are different, you come from a different background, you have different belief systems, etc. So it was a very uncomfortable time and although I was aware during the process with Martin John that we were potentially looking for old protective mechanisms or processes in place that I had been aware of or unaware of that no longer were useful for me and that's something you find in healing and in psychology and therapy that you're actually looking for these unconscious protective processes that have been put in place over such a long time and a long time ago I was looking at this and I just wanted to sit with it and, rather than go into my head, just allow what simply came up for me, and what it was was actually memories of me much younger, very, very young, almost a baby, trying to gain attention, love, protection and support and not getting it. And in that moment, martin John was very helpful by verbalising some of the things that he thought might help me. And he said well, in that moment you set up all sorts of protective processes because you never felt supported. Now, how does this link with finances? You might be wondering, and so was I at the time, but it's not that I had a problem with money or finances. The problem was believing that I wasn't supported and loved from an incredibly young age.
Speaker 1:
At that point during the process, I started to cry and I was beginning to again. I just sat with the process and allowed the energies to release. It was very uncomfortable. I was crying, screaming at some point and sobbing short period of time. Because I became aware in those moments that, although people in my life had not been supportive, that at another level, spiritually, there had always been love and support for me, right from when I was a child. And so I used a process where I linked that feeling of support and love back through my life. I hopscotched through my past, bringing that support and love to all the many different times and difficult times in my life when I had never actually felt loved and supported. So I was able to actually feel into having been supported and loved throughout my entire life. It changed the memories of my past when, in fact, I had spent my whole life with those protective processes in place which didn't allow me to actually be supported.
Speaker 1:
I had a negative pattern that consistently ran. Where I don't feel I had been supported I had plenty of experience, for example and where I hadn't been supported, I had put processes in place to protect myself from ever being supported, and those processes in this present time were stopping myself from allowing myself to be supported. Now that support doesn't just mean the loving support of family or friends. It means support from the universe, and support financially from the universe. Now, I know this seems a long-winded way around it all, but it isn't.
Speaker 1:
It's amazing how a process that you start for protection at a very early age manifests and runs through your entire life and can affect so many different areas of your life and areas that seem to be so unrelated. How could not feeling supported and loved as a baby affect my future finances 60 years later? It's extraordinary. And how that pattern can remain subconscious so long and affect every aspect in every year of my life, all the way up until the present day and of course today, I've been feeling the most incredible shifts of energy, releasing energy, even when I was talking to Martin John, incredible shifts of energy, releasing energy. Even when I was talking to Martin John, the energy restriction was very much in my throat area.
Speaker 1:
And that goes along also with the fact that I was not being heard. So not only as a child was I unsupported, I was also not being heard. And when, as a child, you scream and shout and cry for food, protection or support and it's not being heard, that also filters through your life as not being heard. And I had processes in place from a very young age where I never tried to be heard. I was always very quiet and in fact, it manifested in my very early years as being incredibly shy. So I have allowed that healing to work out as well. Today I've been aware of it and aware that I don't put myself out there. Even now, I don't talk, I don't expect to be heard. So I've never actually spoken out, spoken out and it's amazing because, at the same time that I'm in a place, here and now at present, where I have the time to reflect and explore those deep emotional processes, it's also the first time that I've begun to give talks on wisdom and to produce these podcasts, to actually talk and, having spoken to actually feel I'm being heard. So there must be something around this present moment in time in my life for me where everything seems to be coming together, where I can actually work on myself at a deeper level and explore some of the unconscious emotional processes that are still in place, that I didn't know were there and again, as I said, a very humbling experience, even as I have my cat coming in from the garden and interrupting this podcast as well.
Speaker 1:
No matter what level your spiritual evolution you're at, there are still subconscious patterns in your personality that are affecting your life on a personal level, and it's been an amazing thing to explore and to share with you. I'm lucky that, as a therapist and a counsellor myself, I have many tools that I can use for my own healing and, as a yogi a level of awareness detached from the personality I can usually unravel these patterns fairly quickly, but the shifting of energy will always continue for some time yet. The shifting of energy will always continue for some time yet. However, it is incredible how different I feel today already compared to how I felt yesterday. I now know intrinsically within my bones that I am loved, that I am supported by the universe and by beings that have always been there. I just have never been aware of them and it's always exciting to see how that changes my life in all sorts of ways moving forward, and my final reflection, which I'm still working on, is how intrinsically linked your sense of self-worth as a child or a baby to being loved and supported, how intrinsically linked that is to you not feeling worthy, to feeling unworthy if you're not receiving it, are you worthy of it? And, of course, that sets up other self-protective processes that affect all areas of your life, and it's something that I am now going to look on and start the healing process. But for the first time in my 61 years, I truly know and feel and experience being loved, supported and being totally worthy and heard. How extraordinary is that change and how quickly can it happen. It just takes a little courage and a little trust in the process.
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Thank you for listening to A Little Light on the Path and my diary of a modern Western yogi. I want to thank all my subscribers. Your monthly donations are what allow me to continue to produce future podcasts for you, and I'll also be found on the Wisdom app most Saturdays and every Sunday at 7pm GMT, where you can guest on my talks and speak directly with me. Otherwise, I can be found on Facebook under A Little Light on the Path and through my website, wwwalittlelightonthepathcom. So take care out there, everyone, and much love to you all.
