Inside Marcy's Mind
Sky-High Manners and Milestones in Marcy's Multifaceted Life
Have you ever considered the unspoken social contract we sign when stepping onto an airplane? Join me, Marcy Backhus, as I unpack the nuances of travel conduct that can make or break your flight experience. In our spirited discussion, we'll traverse through the contentious realms of seat reclining and how to gracefully manage your carry-on luggage. Discover how we can collectively elevate our travel manners, from empathizing with parents of wailing infants to respecting our fellow passengers' personal space and needs. Plus, I'll spill the tea on the perks of frequent flyer status and offer some lesser-known tips for snagging that coveted extra legroom.
Away from the tarmac, the conversation detours into my life's latest happenings. I'm buzzing to share the new book club venture with my husband, Craig, at the heart of Chicago's St. James Episcopal Cathedral, a beacon of inclusivity. The warmth continues with a recount of Marilyn's joyous 92nd birthday bash with my cherished 'pool pals.' I'll also peel back the curtain on my fitness regimen, my current literary obsession 'Demon of Unrest', and my musings on a provocative Netflix documentary that's been stirring the pot. It's an episode brimming with etiquette, empathy, and personal escapades – be sure to tune in and let us know your thoughts on these sky-bound adventures and ground-level anecdotes.
Have you ever considered the unspoken social contract we sign when stepping onto an airplane? Join me, Marcy Backhus, as I unpack the nuances of travel conduct that can make or break your flight experience. In our spirited discussion, we'll traverse through the contentious realms of seat reclining and how to gracefully manage your carry-on luggage. Discover how we can collectively elevate our travel manners, from empathizing with parents of wailing infants to respecting our fellow passengers' personal space and needs. Plus, I'll spill the tea on the perks of frequent flyer status and offer some lesser-known tips for snagging that coveted extra legroom.
Away from the tarmac, the conversation detours into my life's latest happenings. I'm buzzing to share the new book club venture with my husband, Craig, at the heart of Chicago's St. James Episcopal Cathedral, a beacon of inclusivity. The warmth continues with a recount of Marilyn's joyous 92nd birthday bash with my cherished 'pool pals.' I'll also peel back the curtain on my fitness regimen, my current literary obsession 'Demon of Unrest', and my musings on a provocative Netflix documentary that's been stirring the pot. It's an episode brimming with etiquette, empathy, and personal escapades – be sure to tune in and let us know your thoughts on these sky-bound adventures and ground-level anecdotes.
Hello and welcome to Inside Marci's Mind. Happy to have you here, glad to have you here. I am your host, marci Backus. I'm looking forward to a fun episode today. We are going to be talking about travel etiquette. Could be interesting. Yes, we're going to be talking about travel etiquette today, so sit back, I've got a nice cup of coffee.
Speaker 1:It is, let's see, 5.56 am on Monday, memorial Day morning. I usually drop my podcast on Monday, but this week I decided to wait and record in the morning. Craig's out running, so grab that coffee I've got mine or iced tea or Diet Coke. If you're driving in the car, angie, pay attention to the road and listen up. All right. So what's been going on with me this week? Let's catch up on my week. It was a great week.
Speaker 1:You know, craig and I started a book club with our church here, st James. We belong to St James Episcopal Cathedral. It's directly across the street. It's made it really convenient. It's made it great for Craig and I to be extremely active in the church. Craig is currently helping with some church remodeling and all kinds of things that are happening at our church.
Speaker 1:If you live in the Chicago area and you want to attend a church that is all inclusive, all welcoming. Please check out St James. It's a pretty amazing church. Lisa Hackney, james and Stephen Balky are and and Christopher are our three priests. I started going there, or Craig and I started going there because um of Lisa, lisa is amazing, and then Stephen it's. Stephen came in, christopher came in. It's a great group, it's an all inclusive church. There is nobody that is is not welcome in our church, and that includes the LGBTQ plus community. Welcomed with open arms, and that is an important thing. You would think all churches would be that way, but I don't think they are. I think there's a lot of judgment. So, um, again, st James in downtown Chicago. This is a little plug for you today.
Speaker 1:What else? Let's see what else went on. Oh, this week, great, great party. I went to a luncheon for my friend Marilyn, who turned 92 this week. What a wonderful luncheon put on by my friend Joan. Just lovely, great food, great conversation. This is through my group of ladies who are the pool pals, my exercise ladies. I think Marilyn is the oldest and I think I might be the youngest in the group. I know that's hard to believe, but I am. So, yeah, I just adore this group of ladies, as you all know, and we had a wonderful party and it's so fun to get dressed up in the middle of the week for a nice lovely luncheon.
Speaker 1:I'm not working, I. My clothes just sit in my closet and I look at them, I wear them on Sunday for church and, uh, I try, I I. It's just sad you just don't wear them and I want to buy more. It's a terrible thing, especially since I've lost so much weight. Nothing really fits. But then I feel guilty buying more clothes and I don't know if any of you deal with that, but that is just. When you retire, there's no reason to get dressed up all the time. So that is a. That's something I should do an episode on that, anyhow.
Speaker 1:What else this week? It was a quiet week, worked out, got my four days of workout workouts in. Oh again, reading a book called Demon of Unrest is part of our book group about the Civil War. It's a book I never would have read if I wasn't in a book group and it's interesting it's by the same author, eric Larson, that wrote Devil in the White City. If you've never read that I I personally much prefer that book over this one, but it's a really good book. The Devil in the White City is about the World's Fair that came to Chicago plus the first serial killer, and it's true. Obviously it's a fictional, historical fiction, but there was a serial killer here working along the same time that everybody was getting ready for the World's Fair, so that's a really good one, especially for you people that like serial killer, murder things what else?
Speaker 1:I watched a Netflix documentary on Ashley Madison. If you don't know Ashley Madison, it was a website it's still a website, to be honest for people that want to cheat, people that are in relationships and want to cheat, and it was a very I remember when it happened, when it was exposed and the list of names some of the who's who's of Ashley Madison were exposed, were exposed, and it's a whole story about who blackmailed them and some personal stories of people that were actually affected by the names coming out. There were people that killed themselves. There were people it's very interesting on people that chose to use this website. I think we're all quick to say well, you know, if you're going to cheat, you deserve it. Well, watch this, make your own decisions.
Speaker 1:You can always email me at inside Marcy's mind at gmailcom. Email me your thoughts on Ashley Madison. Um, also might as well tell you at this time. Website is inside Marcy's mindcom. You can get episodes there.
Speaker 1:We are now on Apple. Can't remember last week if we were on Apple yet, but we're on Apple. I know Google's stopping. You can also catch me on YouTube. You can listen on YouTube. So if you're a YouTuber, that's a great way to get your podcasts. Youtube has a podcasting element to it now. So at YouTube I'm at Marcy's mind, at symbol Marcy's mind, and you can find my.
Speaker 1:Um, there's no visual. I go back and forth on doing the visual. If I do the visual, I can't be sitting here in my pajamas like I am right now in my antique Tigger sweatshirt with no makeup on. If I do the visual, there's a whole nother element to it. I don't know. I'm thinking about it everyone. We'll see what else this week.
Speaker 1:Oh, the Ashley. Oh, yesterday it was raining. It was a very stormy day here in Chicago. It was um the Sunday of Memorial day weekend. Craig and I, of course, went to church, did some things and then, um, I rewatched the Mandalorian. I got through. I had already been halfway through season one, so I finished that season two. I'm back into season three. I love the Mandalorian, so I did that, I caught up on that, I did a little crafting this week and I think that's about it.
Speaker 1:You know, I think the main thing about being retired I'm just going to say this is not feeling guilty for doing nothing and I've spent. You know, I did stay home with my kids but I was busy. I was volunteering at school, volunteering with scouting. I had volunteering at church and then eventually working at church and still volunteering everywhere. And when Alec was a senior, I went ahead and got a job, worked at it for 10 years before I retired. I am learning to give myself permission to do nothing.
Speaker 1:The beaches opened up here on Friday. Craig and I spent time out by the pool, but the beaches opened up and I say that because we have beautiful beaches here in Chicago. I know everybody thinks, oh, you have to have an ocean. Well, we have a lake as big as an ocean. We have beautiful beaches here in Chicago. I know everybody thinks, oh, you have to have an ocean. Well, we have a lake as big as an ocean. We have gorgeous beaches and I have a beautiful, one of the most beautiful ones that actually was voted top 25 beaches by Travel and Leisure magazine in the United States, and it's only a couple blocks from my house. They also have a concierge service there which has chairs and lounges and umbrellas, and I'm going to get myself a season pass because I have decided this is my summer of outside time, and after I go to the gym, I'm just going to walk up to the beach, hang out for an hour or two, have my chair set up and then come home.
Speaker 1:So it's hard, though, to not be as productive, and sometimes for me, I find if I don't do something when I get home from the gym, I get home from the gym around one. If I don't do something, I fall into a pattern of doing nothing. If I do something, if I walk somewhere from the I'm a little more productive, but I don't know, can you? If you're retired, do you have trouble giving yourself permission to do nothing? I'm learning and I'm doing it and I'm not feeling guilty. And on that note, let's uh, let's talk about traveling. Hang in there, refill that coffee, iced tea or Diet Coke, whatever you got, and I'll be right back.
Speaker 1:All right, well, traveling etiquette. I don't know if you read social media. You look at the news. Traveling is a shit show. Excuse my language, but it's not what it used to be. Back in the day of elegant travel, people used to have manners. People used to get dressed up to travel. Now half the people look like hobos and um, I don't know, it's just, it's become a mess. So I thought I'm probably preaching to the choir here, but I thought let's talk about travel etiquette. It'll at least let you know what we should expect from our fellow travelers. As we are on planes, trains, automobiles, you're on your own. Although road etiquette let's be nice on the road If you're driving, it's hard, it's hard. People are stupid on the road too.
Speaker 1:So let's talk about the first thing in travel etiquette. Let's talk about respecting others' personal space. So this again varies from country to country not just being on a plane, but just being in spaces. From country to country not just being on a plane, but just being in spaces. And let's think about when we're on a plane. We have armrests and the man spreader, craig, is the worst man spreader I know. I can't even sit next to him in church because he is why. I don't know, I don't know what that whole thing is, but nonetheless us ladies do not have the manspread problem.
Speaker 1:Armrests on a plane, it dictates there's one per passenger. Now there's been a debate recently about the center person. Do they get both armrests? Well, I don't know. I don't know If you're stuck in the middle, you're stuck in the middle, but and I'm rarely stuck in the middle Craig and I both have privilege in flying because we travel a lot, a lot, a lot.
Speaker 1:Um, hmm, really, the center person should get both armrests. And the reason is the person on the end gets the ability to get up whenever they want and the people on the window get to control the window. Now, let's talk about that. The person in the window gets to control the window. If there is a window that is partially on your side and partially on the seat in front of you, that's fair game. Now, if it's mostly on your side, you get to control it. But this becomes a problem. It really does. And and uh, sometimes the stewardess, especially if you're doing, uh, a night flight, we'll make sure you shut all those and everything, and but, uh, yeah, that when that window is in between people, that's, that's a little little tough, but I think the middle person should get both. Sorry, I needed a sip of coffee there.
Speaker 1:Now, as for reclining, let's talk about this. Reclining was great. Okay, if you're flying first class, business class, you get to recline. It's just fine. There's plenty of room. But back in that back part where everybody is smashed together Now you've got to remember when seats started reclining back in the day, there was a lot of leg room for everyone. They have taken away our butt room and our leg room.
Speaker 1:I'm going to tell you, I'm very lucky. I fly first class a lot, business class, but I spend plenty of time in the back of the plane too. I'm usually in a when you have status. People wonder what status does for you. There's two important things. It gives you a better choice of seats. A lot of the seats are blacked out If you don't have status. When you're looking for a seat, especially the exit rows, those are open to Craig and I when we book our flight. So fly, exit row a lot. We get a lot of extra leg room. But, man, if you don't, there is no leg room.
Speaker 1:And so if you're back in your, if you're laying your seat back, I find it extremely rude now, and I don't know why the airlines just make them non-reclinable. It causes so much problems on a flight you go to eat. I'm tall and all my height is in my legs, so I don't know, I, I my, I. I'm sure that's a controversial opinion, but I wish the airlines would just stop them from reclining. Stop that problem altogether. Mind the back of the seat in front of you. That is not just fair game. To kick, kids to kick. Don't allow your children to kick that seat. That's just freaking rude. And also, while we're on the subject of children on planes I've seen this on social media parents leaving an absolute food disaster. That is inappropriate. If your children make a mess, clean it up.
Speaker 1:Number two do you know that the airline attendants, aka stewardesses, are not paid until the door is shut? So their travel time to the airport, their travel time to the plane, none of that is paid for. And you're sorry, but getting on a plane with all your bags and everything and asking them to help you put them up, no, no, no, no, no. You do not ask a flight attendant to put your luggage overhead. They are not even getting paid yet.
Speaker 1:People, now I have two bad shoulders. Now I had one, I have two. I cannot put things overhead. I pack a carry-on only. But when I'm traveling alone, I check it. Now I don't pay for checked luggage, and I'm going to tell you how not to either Do the same thing. Pack so you can get through TSA, take your little luggage through TSA and when you get to the gate, just tell the gate attendant that you don't want to carry it on. They're happy to check it at no charge, even if they haven't announced it yet. So I don't pay for luggage. You shouldn't pay for luggage either. But it means you can't overpack. It means you have to do a nice carry-on, which you should be doing anyway.
Speaker 1:People, if you cannot travel without just a carry-on, what are you doing? But when Craig's with me, he does put it above. But I never assume that the flight attendant can put my suitcase up. That's just rude. So if you're doing that, you're rude. And check your luggage, for goodness sakes, if you can't put it overhead by yourself. And there is a chance that if you're a late boarder, that you won't have your suitcase near you and it's going to be 15 rows behind you I'd rather have my suitcase come on a carousel than be 15 rows behind me on the plane.
Speaker 1:And let's talk about that Getting up from the plane. Good Lord people. Now my husband is guilty as sin. Seatbelt sign is off. He's up. He's got his coat out of the thing. He's got his suit. He's got his coat out of the thing. He's got his suit. He's obnoxious.
Speaker 1:But when I fly by myself, craig is a little entitled just to FYI in life in general, when I fly by myself, just sit there and wait. You know, if I stand, I'm on the aisle seat, it's only because I need to stand up. I don't get in front of people, I don't try to get my luggage, whatever it is. So remember that. Remember now this I have noticed of the airlines as they're getting people on the plane, you know it's two items and you would see people trying to sneak three items on one. With American and I flew a lot this last couple of years. They're saying look, you need to condense, that little cross body needs to go in, whatever it is. They're having people condense and I'm, I'm, I'm living for it.
Speaker 1:All right, let's talk about um constant movement on a plane If you are not on the aisle seat, getting up and down and up and down, and when you get up from the aisle seat, do not grab on the seat, the back of the person's seat in front of you, and fling them like a slingshot. Rude, rude, rude. Now, there was a time when my legs were not working the best. Do you know, if you're on the aisle seat, if you reach back underneath the armrest and it's on all planes if you reach way back, there's a little lever. If you move it, you can lift up your armrest and get out of your seat without harassing the person in front of you. That's a little FYI. I know I was going down another rabbit hole, can't remember what it is. Oh, moving up and down.
Speaker 1:Don't get up and down all the time. Don't climb over sleeping passengers. If you're on a really long flight and you happen to be in a row of people, let them know that you're going to go to sleep and that they can either wake you up or, if it's okay, to climb over you. But it's really awkward. That's why, if I'm not in the first class seats, I sit on the aisle, read the cues.
Speaker 1:It's nice to be nice and sometimes on a long flight, you may have someone next to you. I personally put my noise canceling headphones on the minute before I'm even on the plane. It signals. Don't talk to me. I don't want to make new friends on a plane. I really don't, because you know what happens. You may get the person that never shuts up and don't ever smile at that kid in front of you.
Speaker 1:Don't make little faces. I make no eye contact with children. As much as I enjoy and love them, they will pay attention to you the whole flight. Then they get stupid and silly and it makes it really hard for the parents to control them. And it makes it really hard for the parents to control them. Speaking of children on a flight, there is no parent in the world that wants to be on there with a crying kid. Give them grace. It's not easy. It's not easy for any of us. It wasn't easy for me when I traveled, although my children traveled really well. You never know what's going to hit your kid when you're up there.
Speaker 1:So again, and also, keep your gas to yourself. It is not okay. If you have to fart on a plane, fart, but it is not appropriate. Again, the entitled husband, I'm speaking to you, craig. Also, don't bring on stinky food. What is wrong with you people Bringing on onion rings? And it's gross. I understand bringing on food. There is plenty of food out there that doesn't admit stinkiness.
Speaker 1:Another suggestion I'll give you is organize your hand luggage. Make sure that the stuff that goes under your seat has your headphones. Now let's talk about this. If you haven't flown in a while, there are no more um seat TVs. They're 90% gone. So you are expected to use your phone.
Speaker 1:So, number one, make sure it's charged. Number two make sure you have something to. Number two make sure you have something to. Some of them have holders for your phones. They're not the best. Look on Amazon for plain phone holders. How to excuse me? I got the hiccups this morning. Tuck your phone into the seat in front of you so you can watch it.
Speaker 1:Also, I never travel without extra battery for my phone, a charger for my phone, because your phone is expected to be used for everything from your boarding pass. Now, I still like an old fashioned paper boarding pass, and that has to do with those of you that know I have really bad hands. So, trying to hold my phone and scan it and my luggage and all of that, it's a lot. I prefer a paper ticket, but your phone is used for everything. So carry a phone backup. Know that when you're on the plane. You are going to be getting all of your entertainment from your own fricking phone, so have your headphones ready, have it all together.
Speaker 1:People have it with you, um, and not all of them have chargers. You know, american has acquired quite a few planes from other defunct airlines and you will find that you do not have somewhere to charge your phone, which I find really rude. You're asking me to use my phone, then you don't let me charge it. That I will say it doesn't make me happy. Even in first class they don't have chargers sometimes. Hmm, what else? Go with the flow. Don't have your panties in a wad on travel day. If you're late, you're late. If you miss your plane, it's on you. Do not yell at gate agents. I have no patience for people yelling at people doing their job. You miss a plane, you miss a ship.
Speaker 1:I don't know if any of you saw that in the news. It was actually national news and it made me crazy. Some people. They were in Africa and actually Craig and I were in Tunisia and Algeria on a cruise. These people chose to use a, which we do all the time an excursion company that wasn't the ship's excursion company all the time. An excursion company that wasn't the ship's excursion company.
Speaker 1:Now, one of the things when you take an excursion on a ship those of you that haven't taken a cruise, an excursion is your land time and the ships are expensive. They're not always that great and you can find other vendors, but it's on you then to be back to the ship on time. I'm telling you, you know, and these people's vendor did not get them back to the ship. They missed it and it's on you to catch up. It's on you to pay for and how to get. And these people were whining, whining, whining on the national news and I'm like you missed your ship. The ship tells you what time it's leaving. They have reason to leave. They pay to be docked when their dock time is up, they have to leave. Waiting for you is not a priority.
Speaker 1:Now, if you watch on youtube or anywhere else on social media, dock runners is a thing people videoing people that are just about to miss the ship. I, I will tell you, craig and I and the kids were doing a Baltic tour cruise. We were leaving Copenhagen. It was our last stop. We were going to have a sea day and then come into England.
Speaker 1:We were chugging our way out of Copenhagen and the captain comes on and you can feel the engine slow down. He said that he got word that one of the passengers missed the ship. We are ahead of schedule, we're going to slow down and they are paying the Coast Guard to bring them out to the ship. So, of course, what does everybody do? They line up on the side and watch this person and it was a lady. Now, mind you, we were in Copenhagen for two days. We had an overnight, the ship was used as a hotel Two days and she missed the ship with all her shopping bags. It was hysterical, but you could only imagine how much it cost her. But again, that's your fault. These people on the news were whining, whining, whining how, whatever cruise line, they were called and told we were going to be late and they didn't wait for them. No, they didn't wait for you. They pay to be there. It's all about money, people, and if you miss your ship, you miss your ship.
Speaker 1:Let's see, what else can we talk about with traveling? Anything else that's. Oh, traveling is pretty funny. Make sure you have your passport, make sure you, when you you're traveling, you have all these things. It was very interesting in the Greece airport. Just recently, craig and I came back from a trip to Greece and in the Greece airport. When you're in the TSA line now, greece and in the Greece airport. When you're in the TSA line now now remember this, two people when you are not in the country, you are not in the United States Things are different.
Speaker 1:Um, nicki Minaj just was on the news in Amsterdam getting pulled over. She was on Instagram live this whole thing. You know what, honey? And she's asking for a lawyer. They're saying she's got drugs, and I'm like you are not in the United States and don't ever expect your rights to be the same in any country.
Speaker 1:Another thing there was, um, in one of the islands I can't think of it Barbados. I'm not sure where it is, but if you have ammunition in your luggage, it is a mandatory jail sentence. Well, of course, how many Americans have gone over there? Now? People, how do you not know you have ammunition in your luggage? I'm going to tell you one thing. I can guarantee you this I will never be in a country and have them go through my luggage and say, oh, you have ammunition in there. It's just never going to happen to me. And why are you using the same luggage on a beach trip that you use for hunting? I'm sorry, it just doesn't seem the whole thing. But then they cry and they want their lawyers and honey. You are not in the United States anymore, nicki Minaj, and people with ammunition and pot, when you're not supposed to have pot in Russia.
Speaker 1:And CBD, and think about it. Think about when you're leaving the country. If you're using CBD that has THC in it and there are no drugs allowed in the country. Honey, thc is a drug. When you travel with your own drugs whether it's when it's prescribed, is what I'm talking about Make sure you have your bottles with you. Again, there is no TSA pre-check in other countries. So if you're, you know you're leaving the country and you're all packed nicely for how TSA doesn't check your liquids and all that. If you're in another country, it can be different, so pack differently.
Speaker 1:I have a funny story about going into Italy, craig, when Anthony Bourdain was alive. Craig looks very much like Anthony Bourdain and we were coming into Italy and we were in, you know, the the line to get checked into the country with our passports and all of a sudden a new passport line opened up and this gentleman waves us over feverishly and Craig goes. I go, he wants us to come. So we come over there. Craig's like, well, what's he doing? What's he doing? I said I don't know. He opens up Craig's passport and goes oh no, antonio, no Antonio. And Craig's like, what is he? I go, he thought you were Anthony Bourdain. So it paid off. Now Anthony Bourdain is no longer with us, so Craig doesn't get the extra line in and I can't even think of it when you go into a country.
Speaker 1:Lost my train of thought. But I want you to think about traveling. I want you to think about your etiquette. I don't care what other people are doing. If you're in other countries, be kind, be courteous. Don't be loud. We are known as being loud. They always know it's an American and a group of Americans in another country because we are extraordinarily loud out and about and in restaurants. Keep your voices down. Manage your expectations. It is not America. There's not bathrooms everywhere. You don't have the same rights. Don't complain If you are leaving this country. You are going for an adventure. You are going to absorb other culture. If you are expecting it to be America, you know what you do. Do us all a favor. Stay home With that note. Happy traveling this summer everyone. This is a great country to travel in.
Speaker 1:Alec and Sharon just were at Devil's Tower in Montana climbing. They went to Mount Rushmore. This is an area Alec had gone with us when he was traveling, when we drove him to school from California to Chicago. But be kind, when you're out there, don't be an asshole. That's my thought of the week. Don't be an a-hole. It gets you nowhere. You catch more flies with honey. Well, thanks for being with me on this. You can find us all over the place. Wherever you get your podcasts. You can find my website as wwwinsidemarciesmindcom. Next week I will have an interview with Nita Wenrick. I have missed Nita. I'm looking forward to see what Nita has to say. If you have, if you want to be interviewed, if you have any projects you want to talk about, if you have anything in life you want to talk about, I am happy to interview you. Email me at inside Marcy's mind at gmailcom marciesmind at gmailcom. And I used to end my podcast with saying remember aging aid for sissies. But you know what? That is the truth Aging aid for sissies. Happy travels, you.