So I finally watched Everything, Everywhere, All at Once and it was amazing and I want to talk about it because I usually don't watch Academy Award-winning movies. They're usually weird and just not what I'm interested in. But, this one, I really liked the star. I knew her from other movies and I was like, Oh, this, this looks interesting., but it was a weird movie. It was a very funny movie but what I loved was that it was so deep. You know, there were a lot of themes and I'm sure if I look there, a lot of think pieces about, all of the messaging and all of that, but the part that I wanted to talk about was really the relationship between Evelyn and her husband. So if you haven't watched the show, there may be some spoilers. I mean, The show is so weird, I don't even know if you could even say that there are spoilers, but yeah, there may be spoilers.
So, the movie is about a woman who owns a laundromat with her husband. Her father's there from China and she has a daughter as well and they are being audited by the IRS and the relationship between her and her husband when I started the movie, I actually didn't even know that was her husband.
That tells you about their relationship. But in general, you can tell that she sees him kind of like a bumbling fool and somebody who always messes things up. But there are glimpses from the very beginning that he is actually very helpful and she just doesn't notice, and, just misses how the way that he does things actually is helpful to them and people really respond well to it.
So, you know, through the movie you can see how he really kind of saves them. Like when they go to the audit, he gets them an extension. When Jamie Lee Curtis's character comes to repossess the laundromat. He talks to her and, makes sure that Evelyn is not arrested. And, is generally exactly what she needs and at the point where she was kind of having her reckoning and her breakthrough in the movie, in the other universe, I told you this movie is kind of weird, in the other universe where they hadn't married and hadn't had a daughter, they had still found each other and he explained You know, how he is just a different type of person.
He manages things differently, even though she sees him as this kind of bumbling idiot. He was explaining how he just fights differently. You know, she is so strong, but he fights with kindness. And At that point, she basically, like, wakes up and remembers all of the good parts of their marriage, all of the good times, and then kind of channels a little bit of him and how he fights to then defeat all the people that were trying to kill her.
You'll have to see this movie because I can't even begin to actually explain what was going on But anyway, I thought that this was so poignant for me and for other women, women physicians who are married and have young kids, but just in marriage in general, because for me, This was an issue with me and my husband, especially when my son was very young, there would be a lot of fighting about how he would interact with my son, how he would take care of him, and that it was just not up to my standards and my expectations.
And I had to realize that He is a completely different person, you know, and I think it's true for a lot of men that they don't interact with babies the same way that women do. And really, there are a lot of women who also just don't know what to do with a small baby. Babies can be very boring, right?
It still takes a lot to like play with a baby. Even when They get a little bit older. There's a level of silliness and playfulness that definitely my husband does not have, just as a part of his personality. But it is also, it takes effort and it takes being around kids and, you know, wanting to engage them in that way and it was just so far out of the type of person that he was and is and added on to the fact that he had never really been around babies before.
So there was a lot of contention until I just kind of had to let it go and What used to really irritate me is that he would say when my son gets older, that's when he would engage with him. And I was like, so you're going to spend all of these years Not engaging with your child, and then expect to have a relationship when he can walk and talk and interact with you?
Like, that's not how that works. So there was definitely a bit of work that had to be done there, but also work for me, to realize that the way that I expect him to interact may not necessarily be the right way. And to expect somebody to, quote unquote, fight like I do, Maybe a little bit unreasonable because it's outside of his personality and right now, said, being very consistent with his personality, as my son got older and he can interact, he has a mind of his own, a personality of his own, they have a beautiful relationship. And the way that they interact is definitely different than the way that me and my son interact. And it's a beautiful thing to behold. Right now they're downstairs playing on my husband's PS5. And he started playing this with him like when he was three. When he let him start playing that game, I was not pleased. I actually remember exactly the first time he let him play on the PS5. Because I was like, he's only three, this seems inappropriate. Like it wasn't a violent, it was a racing game.
But it was still hyper realistic. It just seemed too advanced for him, but he was actually quite good at it and he loved it. He loved it so much that my husband then bought the wheel attachment for it and they have been playing and he wants him to continue using it to build his hand eye coordination and all that.
But it's something that they do together that my son loves. He's actually gotten really good at it. It is teaching him in a different way than I would have thought, giving him different types of skills and they are getting their bonding time. I would have never thought to be like, okay, yeah, y'all go ahead and
play video games as the way that you want to interact. But it's so consistent with my husband's personality, the things that he enjoys and the time that he wants to spend with my son. And if I had been like, no, this is not appropriate., I don't want this.
Then they would have lost out on this bonding activity, my son would not have gotten the skills that he is currently getting.
And To me, it's just, it's the same way as in the movie. It's just a different way of doing things. And it doesn't necessarily mean that it's wrong, because it's different than my way.
And then the overarching theme of her just being so bogged down with all the stresses of owning the laundromat, running it. Dealing with all the issues that came with it, the tax audit, she really kind of just let all of those things fog all of the good parts of her marriage and her life. And I feel like it is so easy to do, especially when the kids are this young, to just let all of the things that overwhelm us cloud all of the good parts., you're having to pump, not getting a lot of sleep, having to go back to work, dealing with patients, dealing with everything and then. Your husband, is not following instructions, not doing things the way that you want them done. So, it's so easy to look at your marriage and look at your husband and just be like angry and resentful and like you're kind of useless, I kind of don't like you right now. And it's easy to miss the good things, like Evelyn did in the movie. So it took her visiting herself in a different universe and having a conversation with her not husband and having flashes of their life together to realize, but we are not going to have that opportunity, whatever you believe. I, I, I don't think that's in the cards for us that we are going to have that experience.
So I think it is important to take a step back and really just look at the good things that are in our lives. And just to be clear, I'm not talking about doing things in unsafe ways or in ways that disrespect you or anything like that. It's just a different way to fight.
So yeah, I recommend that you watch the movie and see what you gather from it if you got the same kind of messaging. My husband and I watched it together. He did not enjoy it as much as I did. He started fading because it is also very long, but he was really touched by that conversation they were having when it was the universe where they had never been married but met up again, Because in that life, she was a famous movie star, and I don't know what he did, but he was very well dressed, looking very dapper, I must say.
And so they had both had separate, but amazing lives. And she was telling him, if they had gotten together, They would have ended up with this failing laundromat just doing taxes and other people's laundry day in, day out. And it, wouldn't have been as glamorous as the life that they currently had.
And he told her, that he would have loved doing taxes and laundry with her. And it was so sweet. So yeah, it was a nice movie for us to watch together. He wasn't as touched by it as I was, he was more confused and tired than anything.
But yeah, that was like my biggest takeaway from the movie as it relates to me and my husband in this stage. And I feel like it can be a very similar situation for a lot of other physician moms and their partners because we tend to have very strong opinions about how things should be done, which may not necessarily align with how our husbands want to do them, whether they are physicians or not. And I think it is important to really take a step back and be like, okay, is my expectation for my husband in keeping with his personality? Like, is it, is it unrealistic?
And is the way that he is doing things really a problem, or it's just not the way that I would have done them. And sometimes it may be that, yeah, you can let go a little bit. So I wanted to share that, because it has been on my mind since we watched the movie. And seeing the two of them downstairs playing this adult racing game just made me think of how it used to be and how much tension and arguments it caused back in the
so yeah, go watch a movie and let me know what you think. You know, send me an email, go to my website, send it there, DM me on Facebook, Instagram, whatever. Let me know what you got from the movie. And don't forget to share this episode with another physician mom, leave us a five star review on Apple podcasts and five-star rating on any other listening platform.
And I will see you on the next episode of stethoscopes and strollers.
