15. Building Community: My Juneteenth Journey

Hey everyone, welcome back to *Stethoscopes and Strollers*! In today’s episode, I’m sharing how Juneteenth has played a significant role in helping me build a supportive community here in Northern California. Here’s what we cover:

Episode Highlights:

- Juneteenth and Community: Reflecting on the importance of Juneteenth and how it has helped me create a community since moving to California after residency in 2015.

- Starting Fresh: Moving to California on a whim and the journey to finding happiness and building connections after experiencing residency burnout.

- Discovering Juneteenth: Learning about Juneteenth a few years ago and deciding to celebrate it by organizing gatherings with other Black doctors and their families.

- Growing the Community: Stepping out of my comfort zone to seek out and connect with Black families, leading to a growing network of friends and support.

- Meaningful Connections: Sharing stories of how these connections have provided support, friendship, and even medical care for my son.

Key Messages:

- Intentional Community Building: Emphasizing the importance of intentionally creating and curating a supportive community, especially when living far from family and old friends.

- The Power of Connection: Encouraging listeners to reach out and make connections, even if it feels uncomfortable, because the support and friendship you gain are invaluable.

- Resilience and Adaptability: Acknowledging that while not every connection will be perfect, it’s essential to keep trying and nurturing those relationships that matter.

Encouragement for Listeners:

- Take Action: On this Juneteenth, make an effort to reach out to someone you’ve been meaning to connect with. It could be a neighbor, a friend, or another mom at your child’s school.

- Build Your Network: Having a network of friends and support can make a world of difference in your life, providing comfort, emergency help, and a sense of belonging.

Thank you for joining me on this special Juneteenth episode of *Stethoscopes and Strollers*. H

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Transcript

 Happy Juneteenth. Whenever I think about Juneteenth, I always think about community. Of course I think about the significance of the day itself and the history that comes with it, but

the community that I have been able to curate here in Northern California, where I live, all started. Because of Juneteenth.  I have been living in California since I left residency in 2015 and I came out here on a whim.

I was like You know what, I need something new. Let's try California. Even though my residency director told me that I would never find a man out here. Yes, that was very inappropriate, but I told him I had been on the East coast for 10 years and I still haven't found one. So why not go to California? And guess what?

I found my man out here. So there,  anyway, I was. alone out here when I came. And I didn't have that many friends, but I had the promise that I made to myself after my residency burnout, that I was going to be happy again.  So, I had this one friend that I used to work with, I got on dating apps because I was like I'm, I'm not coming out here to be alone, I'm going to be happy, and I live in the middle of nowhere, in the Central Valley, so dating apps were my Only choice and that's actually where I met my husband, but when we were together You know, I still didn't have a lot of female friends and have always had strong female friendships I still maintain most of them, but they all live far away because I live all the way out in, California  So when we started planning for a family, I knew that building my community was a priority because I didn't want to be out here and be alone.

I need that female connection. I love my husband, but it's not the same. And it was actually like on a vision board. The one time that I did a vision board to build a strong black community and very specifically for my children to grow up surrounded by people and other children that look like them.

Because even though I live in a very diverse city, there are not a lot of black people here and I know the benefit that I had growing up around a community that looked like me and so did my husband. So it was very important to us to really curate. this community.  So coming back to Juneteenth, you know, I, found out about Juneteenth like a couple years ago, before it became a federal holiday.

But I would say like three, four years ago, I found out what Juneteenth was. And I was very excited, because I come from a country where we celebrate Emancipation Day. Actually, Trinidad was the only country that had an Emancipation Day as  a national holiday. So, when I found out that Juneteenth was celebrating emancipation I was like, oh yes, I am celebrating this.

I will never work on Juneteenth. Like reparations,

so the first year I organized a gathering at my house with some of the other Black doctors from my job. And it was so nice. Kids came, my son was there. We had just a really good time. And I knew that was a tradition that I wanted to continue. So we made plans for the next year. We had enough time to request time off.

None of us should be working on Juneteenth. And we were going to do that gathering again. And we would do it at rotating houses. And that kind of started a tradition. And, It was something that I looked forward to, and because of that desire to create this community, I would seek out Black people everywhere, like, randomly.

And let me just tell you, this is really outside of my personality. I am an extroverted introvert. It takes a lot for me to do this. You know, I, I enjoy a podcast cause I'm not actually talking to anybody. I'm talking to you, but I'm not really talking to you. But you know, I'm one of those people where I want to be included.

But not really. Like, I want you to invite me, but I'll probably say no. But you definitely have to invite me though. Like, I want to say hi, but I probably won't. But I want to meet you, but I also don't mind being alone. But I want to make new friends.  That, that's me. So When I tell you to curate your community and reach out to random people, it's not an easy thing for me.

So I get how awkward it could be if you are like me.  I would randomly like stop black families in the park and introduce myself but it was that important. So I remember when my son had a dermoid tumor by his eye and it needed to be removed, I went to see this lovely oculoplastic surgeon and she was a young black woman.

I was like, Oh my gosh, we could be friends. And I pretty much told her that, like that, very weirdly. And she was like, Oh my God, yes!  It's like, do you have kids? She's like, yes. And you know, we bonded over that and my son didn't need the dermoid removed at that time. So we kind of lost touch, which definitely can happen, especially with busy lives, especially when you are actually an introvert and the moment has passed.

But when. Juneteenth was coming up. I saw her walking in the hallway and I stopped and I was like, oh my gosh, do you celebrate  She was like, yes. Like, great. Let's do something. And then she organized this huge gathering and I ended up meeting a lot more of the Black Docs at my job that I didn't even know.

And it really just spiraled there. We started having community events.  Every so often and really just grew this group that has really Saved us so many times at this point. At that same Juneteenth event I met the surgeon that would do my son's tonsils and adenoids. Yes My son is only four and he's had two major surgeries, I met a couple who I became very close with and the wife, just joined me for carnival in Trinidad this year. So it is something that I'm so happy that I did intentionally, Even though it was uncomfortable, but it has been so comforting to know that there are people around that I can count on, that I have friends nearby, my son has friends that look like him and that I can organize. Playdates with and not have to worry about that extra thing, as I mentioned on another podcast, he's already experienced racism. So just having a group where I know he can be safe is, it just means the world. And I want to say as well, it has not been all rainbows and sunshine, right?

 Actually the person that I stopped in the park seemed really nice, got to know them a little bit better, come to find out the husband is a pastor who's xenophobic and homophobic. I was like, okay. Well, I guess we're not going to be friends anymore, you know, We are human adults who have lives, who have drama, so relationships grow, but they also evolve. They strengthen, but also weaken. But, having the community is too important to just say, Oh well, I tried. These people are weird. I'm done seeking out friends and connection. 

So This Juneteenth, you know, it's in the middle of the week, and I am the only one in my group who works non-traditionally, so, I don't think we'll be getting together, , on the day, hopefully on the weekend, but I want to encourage you on this day to. Make an effort to create your community, to curate your community, if there are people, your neighbor, a friend, a mom at your child's school that you've been meaning to reach out to, reach out to them.  Make that connection. Having that friend that you can. Reach out to, just to talk, just to hang out,  to do a playdate, to vent, to give you emergency childcare when you need it. , it will be so worth it so that you can be a little less alone.  So that is it for today. Happy Juneteenth again. Don't forget to share this episode with another physician mom and leave us a 5 star rating on any listening platform that you listen on if you're on Apple Podcasts, leave a five star review and I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.