18. Breaking the Sleep Deprivation Myth: Strategies for Better Sleep in Early Motherhood

Welcome back to *Stethoscopes and Strollers*! In this episode, I’m tackling the widely accepted notion that poor sleep is an unavoidable part of early motherhood. Drawing on my experience as a newly minted Perinatal Mental Health Certified OBGYN, I'll explore the significant impact of sleep deprivation on maternal mental health, including its role as a risk factor for perinatal mood and anxiety disorders like postpartum depression, OCD, and psychosis.

I delve into societal expectations and what I like to call the "Struggle Olympics," where moms wear their sleep struggles as badges of honor. Why is seeking adequate sleep often stigmatized? Let’s flip that script and emphasize the importance of prioritizing sleep for both you and your child.

Episode Highlights:

- Sleep Deprivation and Mental Health: How lack of sleep can lead to severe perinatal mood and anxiety disorders.

- Societal Expectations: The harmful cultural norms that expect mothers to endure sleep deprivation without seeking help.

- Support Systems: The importance of establishing a support system before the baby arrives, including partners, family, night nannies, and doulas.

- Practical Tips: Strategies to maximize sleep from the newborn stage, such as setting clear boundaries and considering professional help for sleep training.

- Personal Experience: I share my own journey with sleep issues and the measures I took to protect my sleep as a mother and physician.

Call to Action:

- Follow the show and subscribe on your favorite podcast platform.

- Leave a five-star review to help more physician moms discover *Stethoscopes and Strollers*.

- Join us next week for another insightful episode.

Looking forward to connecting with you on this important topic! Let's break the sleep deprivation myth together.

Register here for ✨Finding the Right Fit: Au Pair Essentials for Physician Moms✨ on August 15th at 3 PM ET/12 PM PT. Find, and keep, the right Au Pair for you and your family!

Remember to subscribe to "Stethoscopes and Strollers" on your favorite podcast platform so you never miss an episode of encouragement and empowerment.

Apple Podcast | Spotify | YouTube

Connect with me.

Website | Instagram | Facebook

Join my Email list to get tips on navigating motherhood in the medical field.

If you feel you need direct support or someone to talk through the unique challenges of being a physician mom, schedule a free coaching session.

Free Coaching Session with Dr. Toya

Transcript

 so why do we accept poor sleep as just a fact of life when you have young kids?  I am a newly minted perinatal mental health certified OBGYN and One thing when I was studying for my PMHC that struck me was how sleep deprivation was an independent risk factor for multiple perinatal Mood and anxiety disorders.

So postpartum depression,  postpartum, OCD  postpartum psychosis. That's an emergency if you don't remember from your OB or your psychiatry rotation. You know, that's the one where the rate of maternal suicide and infanticide is high. And not to mention all of the other health repercussions of poor sleep.

But it just seems to be generally accepted and almost expected that parents And moms in particular get poor sleep when they are postpartum  and have young kids. It's just like a fact of this stage and you just have to power through it and wait until they get older.

And, if you actually try to get some sleep, then people call you a bad mom. I don't know if you remember, there was a viral video. Of this lady packing up her pumped breast milk before she went to bed. And the caption was something like, you know, getting ready for the night nurse to take over. There was an uproar about this video for so many different reasons, but the general consensus was that she was a bad mom.

People were angry that she had the audacity to want to sleep when she had a baby. a young baby. I think the baby may have been less than three months.  That's usually when people have like night nannies. But she was still, you know, on leave. And people were calling her elitist, a bad mom, lazy. And it was just mind boggling.

And it was around that time when I really got the sense of this concept that I like to talk about, called the Struggle Olympics. Because This very unique subset of moms that I saw comment on that video that held on to their struggles. In this time, and wore it like a badge of honor, like they won the medal for that struggle. 

People said things like, you know, those sleepless nights brought me so much closer to my baby. You know, I wouldn't take any of that back. I wouldn't change a thing.  It was hard, but I needed to not sleep. And I just remember being like, what am I missing here? Like,  why is this a problem? She's just gonna sleep.

The only thing that I thought about was her milk supply is gonna tank if she, I don't know how long she was planning to sleep for. But that was the only thing, like, okay, you're pumping all this milk and going to bed, but I feel like you're gonna have to get up and pump. But even doing that means probably more sleep, because she just has to get up, pump, and then go back to bed, and not, you know, worry about if the baby has to go back to sleep, or does the baby need to be changed, or anything like that.

I still think that would have given her better sleep, but the strength of the reaction to this woman trying to get some sleep was really amazing.  So I really want to challenge this idea that we must suffer through years of sleep deprivation just because.  And we do not have to just accept this as a fact. , in the newborn period, am I saying get 12 hours of sleep? Of course not. That's, that's unrealistic. However, you can maximize the amount of sleep that you get. Even from the time the baby comes home, and that's where your support system comes in,  setting those clear rules and boundaries before you have the baby so that everybody knows the plan and everybody understands how dire the situation is and how important it is for you to get your sleep.

And as the baby gets older, doing things like getting a night nanny and having a doula whatever you need to do to protect your sleep.  And those things are really only super necessary if you don't have your own built in support system. And  as the baby gets older and you deal with sleep regressions, those are things that you usually have to power through.

But when people say they're having sleep regressions that seem to go on for months and months and turn into years, those are not sleep regressions. But what I hear from a lot of people is that their pediatricians tell them, Oh, it's a phase, they will grow out of it, just wait. Wait until they get older.  But you're relegating that mom to suffering through poor sleep for years, which is unacceptable. There are sleep experts that you can hire, and not these Random people who claim that, you know, they can get your baby to sleep in two seconds. 

But actual people that have results, they're vetted. Actual physicians that you can hire to help maximize not only your sleep, but your baby slash toddler's sleep. Sleep.

I have always had sleep issues.  They became exponentially worse in the postpartum period. This last postpartum period. But one thing that was always clear from the first baby was that I had to protect my sleep at all costs, which is why he never slept in the bed with me, which is a whole discussion for a different time. 

And when he was so noisy,  That he was keeping me up. He was out of my room at eight weeks and You know, it was a little bit scary because you know all the recommendations say this was to stay in the room but I had to go back to work and I could not go back to work sleep deprived.  It wasn't safe for me.

It wasn't safe for my patients so he was out of there and he did great and he's a great sleeper now  I know that there are babies and children with true issues that cause sleep problems. So it's not to say it's going to be easy. But I feel like this is something that we need to approach with the same intentionality as anything else because if your baby doesn't sleep and you're not sleeping that's affecting your health

 and  it's not something that you should just have to expect or accept and Getting someone to help you is not a luxury. It doesn't make you a bad mom for wanting to sleep and wanting your baby to sleep. So I would encourage you to explore all the different options. And no, this is not an advertisement for sleep training, even though I fully believe in sleep training.

I am 100 percent on board with sleep training. And let me stand in my soapbox for a second. Sleep training does not mean cry it out. Cry it out is one way to sleep train, but it is not the only way and it's not what many people mean when they say sleep train, it's definitely not what I mean.

We don't have to accept poor sleep. You don't have to label your child as a bad sleeper and just keep it pushing just because. Keep looking for answers. Try different programs. Try different experts. You owe it to yourself. Your physical and mental health may depend on it.

 Don't forget to follow the show, subscribe on whatever platform you listen on. Leave us a five star review. It helps get Stethoscopes and Strollers out to even more physician moms. And I will see you on the next episode of Stethoscopes and Strollers.