20. Take the Win: Embracing Yes Without Overthinking

Welcome back to *Stethoscopes and Strollers*! In this episode, I discuss the importance of taking the win when it’s presented to you. Often, we can overthink our partner’s responses and miss out on the positive moments. Let’s dive into why embracing a yes, even if it’s not enthusiastic, can make a huge difference in our relationships and mental health.

Episode Highlights:

- Setting the Stage: Picture this: you ask your husband to join a playdate with your son. He hesitates, asks a few questions, makes a face, but then says yes. What’s your reaction?

- Overthinking Yes: Are you like me, questioning his reluctance, wondering if he really wants to go, or feeling hurt by his lack of enthusiasm?

- The Impact of Expectations: Wanting our partners to respond exactly how we envision can be unfair and lead to unnecessary tension.

- Choosing the Win: Sometimes, it’s better to take the yes and move on rather than pushing for the perfect response.

Key Messages:

- Understand and Accept: It’s important to recognize that people express themselves differently. Just because the yes isn’t enthusiastic doesn’t mean it’s not genuine.

- Avoid Unnecessary Conflict: Pressing for a specific type of yes can create more conflict and diminish the positive aspects of the agreement.

- Focus on the Positive: Embrace the yes you received and focus on the shared experience rather than the manner in which it was given.

Encouragement for Listeners:

Think about the times you’ve overanalyzed a simple yes. Could accepting it at face value have led to a better outcome? Choosing to accept and appreciate the yes can lead to more harmonious and fulfilling interactions.

Call to Action:

- Share the Episode: If this episode resonates with you, share it with another physician mom who might benefit from this perspective.

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- Leave a Review: Leave us a five-star review to help more physician moms discover *Stethoscopes and Strolle

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Transcript

 

Will you take the win? When The win is presented to you. Will you take it?  So let me explain what I mean. Let's set the stage You are asking your husband to go on a playdate with you and your son. You know, he doesn't want to go That's not his thing.  You know that there are some things that he wants to do But, he says yes, but he says yes begrudgingly. 

He pauses first when you ask,  asks some questions, he makes kind of a face, but then he says yes. What is your reaction? What is your response to that? Are you just like, okay, great, let's go, or are you like me, and you're like, well, why did you say it like that?  Do you really want to go? Is it that you don't want to come?

Do you not want to spend time with me and your child? And I am,  like, trying not to laugh too much because I have said every one of those things when my husband didn't answer the way that I thought he should. I didn't take the win. Sometimes there's something more to be discussed, but the majority of the time, I make things worse by pushing back like that because we end up in this thing where he's like, but I mean, I don't know what you want me to say. I said, yes. And then it's like, oh, well, it's not how it's not what you said is how you said it.

And we get into that whole thing when I could have just chosen to. take the win and kept it pushing. But I want him to say yes enthusiastically.  I want him to be excited to spend time with me and my son. I want him to react exactly how I think he should. And if he doesn't, then I'm questioning everything.

And when I think about that, I feel like it's a bit unfair. And it's also like a fool's errand because I can choose to fight for the yes that I want or take the yes that I have and  I feel like it's just the path of least resistance to take the yes that I have  because to expect this person to hide their emotions, ignore whatever they were feeling, to acquiesce in the way that I wanted, I feel like it's a little bit unreasonable. And I know the man that I married,  I know that he's not going to want to go to this playdate. I know that he has other things to do, but it's almost like, well, I am making the sacrifice. I have things to do too, and I'm going to go and I want to spend time with my child. So I'm going to be excited about it.

And I think it might be fun and I'm making the best of it. So why can't you?  But is that really fair? And is that worth your time and mental energy? Trying to get him to feel the same way that you do. I don't think so. And the reason that I'm talking about it this way is because I know there are so many variables for different relationships, different men, different marriages, and  I'm truly pondering because the situations that I hear from my clients  I see it this way as well.

It's like well, do you want to spend that energy when he already said yes? now if you know, it's gonna be a yes, and then  grouchiness and Complaining about it and ruining the playdate then that's a whole different story. So that's not what we're talking about we're talking about the men who, once they say yes, that's it, like they're on board, they're going to give it their all.  They're not necessarily going to hide the fact that they did not want to do this. And you can sub in anything.  Playdate was really just an example, the first one that came to my head, the one that  is usually the issue between me and my husband doing  children like things on the weekend. 

But it could be anything. You asked him if he wanted to go see a movie and he didn't answer super enthusiastically

and your mind immediately goes to, well, do you not want to spend time with me? Do you not want to do date night? Do you not love me anymore? When what it really was is That he already had his night planned.  You didn't mention it before, and he's gonna have to miss doing whatever it is that he was gonna do.

But, he knows this is important. It's important to you. He knows you'll probably have fun. So yeah, sure, let's go. But, instead of taking the win, you either Push back and, you know, confront him with how you feel about how he answered, or you keep it inside and add it to the bucket of resentment that you have been filling up  every time that he didn't answer the way that you wanted.  So, like I said, they are different situations, different personalities. But I think there are more opportunities for us to take the win, take the yes, than we allow for ourselves. And I think it would be one of those battles where, do you really want to choose this one? You got the win. Just take it. 

 So that's it for now. Don't forget to share this episode with another physician mom  who you think would enjoy it. Don't forget to also leave us a five star rating.  It really helps us reach even more physician moms.

I will see you on the next episode of stethoscopes and strollers.