Norman Chad wants all NFL draft talk to cease ASAP, plus Ukrainian soldiers are gambling online at war time, Neymar is playing poker online during birthday parties and nude bowling is a thing.
Gambling Mad with Norman Chad is written by Norman Chad and ghost written by...Norman Chad. Executive Producer Rick Barrio Dill and Jon Sheinberg. Produced by Rick Barrio Dill and Bri Coorey. Additional graphics and writing assistance by Dan Telfer. Socials and Marketing Nick Wolferman. Engineering and Editing by Bri Coorey. Equipment provided by SLAP Studios LA (SLAPStudiosLA.com) and studios provided by SLAP Studios LA and 360-Pod.
If you, or someone you know needs help around gambling related issues, there are more ways than ever to get connected with help. Call the Problem Gambling HelpLine at 888-ADMIT-IT (236-4848) or go to www.gamblinghelp.org
Norman Chad wants all NFL draft talk to cease ASAP, plus Ukrainian soldiers are gambling online at war time, Neymar is playing poker online during birthday parties and nude bowling is a thing.
Gambling Mad with Norman Chad is written by Norman Chad and ghost written by...Norman Chad. Executive Producer Rick Barrio Dill and Jon Sheinberg. Produced by Rick Barrio Dill and Bri Coorey. Additional graphics and writing assistance by Dan Telfer. Socials and Marketing Nick Wolferman. Engineering and Editing by Bri Coorey. Equipment provided by SLAP Studios LA (SLAPStudiosLA.com) and studios provided by SLAP Studios LA and 360-Pod.
If you, or someone you know needs help around gambling related issues, there are more ways than ever to get connected with help. Call the Problem Gambling HelpLine at 888-ADMIT-IT (236-4848) or go to www.gamblinghelp.org
Speaker 1:
I used to love the National Football League draft. Hey, one day a year you get to see who your favorite team picks from college. You get to see where the big quarterbacks go, you're in and you're out. And then in 1984, it started to change. This guy named Mel Kuyper Jr. He came out of nowhere. He was like Punxsutawney Phil he just popped out of a hole One day a year, went on the ESPN and every time they drafted a player just popped out of a hole one day a year, went on to ESPN, and every time they drafted a player he gave you excruciating detail about it. It was remarkable. And then eventually he turned this one-day-a-year thing into a 365-day-a-year business and the draft went from one day to two day to three days and it was in prime time and suddenly this was a year-round enterprise and he was the first draft nick.
Speaker 1:
But then these other draft nicks came out and they did something called a mock draft. You know what a mock draft is? It's where the experts tell you exactly which player is going to which team in the first couple of rounds, and they're not usually right. I'll tell you why they're not usually right, because then they have a mock draft 2.0 and 3.0 and 4.0. I mean, what changes? Nothing changes. What a wide receiver converted to Buddhism. So he's moved down in the draft and Mel Kiper Jr chose this is going to happen, but whatever he says never happens.
Speaker 2:
I got a better chance of today predicting the high temperature in Bosnia five years from now, than he does of telling me the fourth player is going to be drafted next week. My goodness, it's the worst.
Speaker 1:
It never stops. It's like election polling. I hate the polling, the only election polling that counts is who you vote for on election day Beforehand.
Speaker 2:
people are undecided.
Speaker 1:
People change their minds. People lie to the pollsters. They called me last week.
Speaker 2:
I told them I'm voting for Winnie the Pooh. Winnie the Pooh, she's never done anything bad to me. Okay, no more mock drafts. My barber has a mock draft. It takes him seven minutes to cut my hair, but I'm in his chair for 90 minutes because he's giving me his mock draft. No more polls, no more mock drafts. No more balls. No more mock drafts, no more mock drafts. If some stumble bum gives me mock draft 7.0 in the next two days, I'm gonna be gambling man. Norman Chadd, norman Chadd.
Speaker 1:
Norman Chadd. And welcome to Gambling Mad. My name is Norman Chadd. Filling in for Norman Chadd. Gambling Mad every week, of course, sponsored by Fritos Fritos picked fresh from trees in Central California daily and to your retailer later that same day. And by Fresca oh, the refreshing, rejuvenating, remarkable taste of Fresca Fritos and Fresca. It's a meal. Okay, today we have a full slate on Gambling Mad. We are going to talk about Ukrainian soldiers who are gambling online during the war. We're going to talk about Neymar gambling online during a birthday party. And we have nude bowling. That's right, buck, naked bowling.
Speaker 1:
But first I want to talk about slot machines. Slot machines go to the heart of gambling. In Las Vegas or Atlantic City, nobody should play slot machines. It goes without saying. Nobody should wrestle alligators for a living. Both of them are a bad investment for the long run.
Speaker 1:
But there are billboards that advertise slot play. They'll say loses slots on the strip, 93% return, which means for every dollar that you put in, they will give you 93 cents back. They're telling you ahead of time that you are going to lose. They're just telling you that you're going to lose less than the casino next door. Would you go to a bank that says, hey, give us a dollar today, come back tomorrow and we'll give you 93 cents. What the heck? Okay, now when I have friends that come to Las Vegas, I will not allow them to play slots. I'll teach them roulette. I'll teach them blackjack. I will teach them craps. You know games in which you're a little proactive. What's the joy, by the way, of just pushing a button mindlessly, you know, at least with video poker. When you're pushing buttons, you got a few decisions to make.
Speaker 1:
Now, slots back in the old days, they used to be called one-armed bandits. That's because you just took the lever and you did this. This is what you do in the slot machine. This is like fun. This is so good, my goodness, this is so much fun. Okay, you can't even do that anymore. You used to do this, and then the quarters would come rolling on out Clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink, clink. Okay, that's if you were lucky. No more Now. No more clink and clang, and you just push a button. You push a button and instead of the clink and clang, they just give you credits on the machine. So then, when you're done, if you have any credits left, you push a button, a ticket comes out and you have to take that over to the cashier, the cage, to get money.
Speaker 1:
Now, this is just another incredibly insidious manner for the casino to make more money, because people forget about these little tickets. They'll put them in their pocket, they'll put them in their wallet, they'll put them in their purse and then they just go home. And a lot of times they're for small amounts, for like $2 or $3 and $4. You put it away and then at the end of your trip you don't feel like going back to the casino cage to get your money, so they just take us for suckers. Why? Because we are Okay. So at the end of the trip, even if you won money, they have it, chances are you lost money and with all those tickets that you don't cash, that builds up more money for them to build more wings, to build more slot machines, to take more of your money. Bottom line we are idiots.
Speaker 1:
Let's turn to a better topic war, yeah, the Ukraine-Russian war. Now there's an unexpected problem in the Ukrainian war effort against Russia. Many Ukrainian soldiers are turning to online gambling. Okay, now, people in the military, army, navy, marines, whatever you are during war, not during war they've always, over the years, to pass the downtime. They play cards, they play gin rummy, they play poker. You know whatnot? This is a new animal. Soldiers now go onto their smartphones and iPads to gamble and, of course, to lose, because almost everyone loses and they're accumulating a lot of debt. The problem is so bad that some servicemen are pawning drones and thermal imaging equipment to get more gambling money. I don't know how much a used drone goes for these days, but it's got to be more than, say, for a flask of brandy.
Speaker 1:
So, on top of all that, you have soldiers at war. They're depressed, they're lonely, they're playing online. Many Ukrainian soldiers are using Russian online gambling sites. Okay, these Russian sites. They are targeting the Ukrainian military so they could pick up personal data on all this military personnel. War was so much easier, but you know the Hundred Years' War. You didn't have this Now. The Hundred Years' War lasted 116 years, but you had a lot of downtime and people just you know probably just you know use a toothpick, pick their teeth. Now they're gambling away the family's mortgage online, while they're supposed to be shooting people on the other side. Anyway, many Ukrainians want President Zelensky to ban gambling among military personnel during the war situation and prohibit pawnbrokers from buying military equipment. Good luck there. We got to my favorite portion of the program. We are all degens. We got to my favorite portion of the program. We are all D-gens and of course D-gens are going to D-gen. Let's return to D-gens going to D-gen.
Speaker 1:
Case number one Let us return to the Shohei Otani scandal, the gambling scandal which Otani did not gamble and his interpreter stole money from him for his gambling habit. I want to compare the interpreter, ipe Mizuhara, with an old-school sports icon, wilt Chamberlain. Over a 26-month span, otani's interpreter allegedly placed 19,000 sports bets 14,000 sports bets. By comparison, over his 63-year life, Wilt Chamberlain claimed he had sex with 20,000 women. Okay, 19,000 bets, 20,000 women which number is more believable? Okay, so in a little over two years, 19,000 bets means that Ipe was averaging one bet an hour every hour, 25 bets a day every day. There are a lot of sports out there and with your smartphone you can actually easily make one bet an hour every hour for two years. I can go for that.
Speaker 1:
Now let's take a look at Wilt Wilt, the Stilt, as he was known. Let's assume he was sexually active early. Let's give him the benefit of the doubt. At age 13, he started to have sexual relationships. He lived to 63. So that's a 50-year period. 20,000 women means he had sex with 400 different women a year for 50 years.
Speaker 2:
This is easy math.
Speaker 1:
I mean, that's at least one woman a day every day for 50 years Now. I assume some days he was having sex with two, three and four women. So then he would take you know he might take Easter off or Labor Day, and so he didn't have much of a load. But this just doesn't seem realistic. How can you have sex with 400 women a year, different women a year? You know there are a lot of women out there, but this number just seems a little bit high to me. Myself, if I have sex once a month, I am exhausted. Plus, if I have sex once a month, I am exhausted. Plus, I have to keep finding a woman to keep up that pace. I believe Ipe's number, I don't believe Wilt's number. D-gen's going to D-Gen Case number two.
Speaker 1:
Brazilian soccer star Neymar is one of the world's most popular athletes. Recently, a video of the 32-year-old legend celebrating his six-month-old's birthday the birthday of his daughter Maki. This video went viral. Why did it go viral? In the video, while party guests are singing to his daughter, neymar is playing online poker on his phone while sitting next to the baby. Okay, okay. Now, on one hand, I'll concede this is a bad look for Neymar. You know, playing online poker during your daughter's birthday celebration and, of course, it could be a sign of problem gambling. On the other hand, my friends, the girl is six months old. Why do we even have birthday parties for six-month-olds? Six years old? Sure, six months old. She's got no idea what's going on. She doesn't even know yet that Neymar is her father. Plus, if you look very closely at the video and very closely at his phone, he has a really, really really good hand. He is playing at this moment, so it's not like he's just folding his cards and ignoring his daughter. He's trying to win money. He's trying to put bacon on the table.
Speaker 2:
Give the man a break, you dingleberries.
Speaker 1:
D-Gen's going to D-Gen. Case number three this is my favorite. Okay, raise your hand if you love the bowl. Raise your hand if you love the bowl. Naked, are you still with me? The Pittsburgh area naturalists it's a group of naturalists, which is a fancy word for people who like to be in the nude is a fancy word for people who like to be in the nude. They're going to host something called Balls Out Bowling at Crafton Ingram Lanes in Pittsburgh.
Speaker 1:
Yes, it is nude bowling. Women are allowed to wear bottoms if they wish. Otherwise, you must be nude, butt naked. Men, be careful around the automatic ball return. Anyway, it's very simple. You got to be at least 18 years old to participate. No sexual activity permitted, which would have ruled out Will Chamberlain. Any harassment results. Any harassment results in ejection from the bowling center. No photos, no video permitted. Even though I love bowling, even though I love my body as much as anybody loves their body, I'm going to pass. I'll be honest with you. I was once arrested at the beach for wearing a Speedo. By the way, here's what I would look like. Okay, now, if we can just send the kids out of the room and just imagine me here. Okay, this is what I would look like. This is me, all right. And then down here, my shoes. You see I'm naked. Okay, just imagine me naked, just with that head, my whole body here, my size nine shoes here. Not a good look, my size nine shoes here Not a good look.
Speaker 2:
Not a good look at all.
Speaker 1:
Let's turn to the controversy that has rocked the chess world. It's not cheating, and there is a lot of cheating in chess. It is footwear. Yes, footwear. At the prestigious Candidates Tournament in Toronto the other day, at the prestigious Candidates Tournament in Toronto the other day, iranian-born grandmaster Altreza Feroza was told by chief arbiter Aris Margetis to change his shoes. See, a bunch of matches were in progress at the same time in this room and in this room it's an old building, the wooden floors are very creaky. So another player complained that Feroza, while walking around between moves, was making too much noise. The chief arbiter said that Ferruza quote had a very heavy footfall. End quote.
Speaker 2:
Who talks like this Very heavy footfall, it's a damn building.
Speaker 1:
He's just walking around thinking Okay, so Ferruza and I'm with him on this. He said it was shameful that the official would interrupt him mid-match, in a very intense moment, to tell him that he had to change his shoes. They told him either change his shoes or go walk in another area further away. Where do they want to walk In Montreal? He's got to make a move in another 60 seconds. Okay, two things here, folks, Two takeaways from this. One in the checkers world, this is never an issue. This is why I've always preferred checkers. And two, why not put down some carpeting or maybe a few area rugs? For crying out loud, I'm going to say this one time, and one time only Don't grade the NFL draft.
Speaker 1:
The moment the NFL draft is over, these helmet head huckadoodles give a grade to each team on how they did. This is hot-wind hilarity. You don't get a grade in a class until you've taken the final exam. You can't grade a draft class until they've been playing for two or three years or more. Grade a draft class until they've been playing for two or three years or more. You think the day after the 2000 National Football League player draft, the New England Patriots got a good grade? Probably not. But 20 years later I guess I might give them an A plus for selecting Tom Brady in the sixth round of the draft.
Speaker 1:
You would not draft. You would not grade Leonardo da Vinci on the paints and the brushes and the canvas he purchases when he's going to do the Mona Lisa portrait. You grade him after he actually paints the damn painting. And me, me, I think the Mona Lisa is a little overrated. I give it like a B minus. That will wrap us up today on Gambling Mad. I'm your host, Norman Chad, filling in for Norman Chad. Remember, don't roll the dice unless you know they're loaded. We'll see you again loaded.
Speaker 3:
We'll see you again. Showrunner is Dan Telfer. Audio video engineering and studio facilities provided by 360 Pod Studios Beverly Hills and Slap Studios LA. If you want to complain to Norm about anything, make sure to reach out at Gambling Mad Show anywhere you get your socials and at Gambling Mad with Norm Chad on YouTube. And if you really want to get at him, send a message to info at slapstudioslacom. And big, big thanks to Tony, the special sauce, who truly is the boss. Thank you for the cookies and the treats we promise you to make the post-production.