Differentiate yourself in the wedding industry by leading with authenticity with Chrissy Mellinger

Ever wondered how to weave the threads of your true self into the fabric of your business? Join us as we sit down with Chrissy Mellinger, a guiding light for service-based entrepreneurs, and unpack the essence of authenticity in the bustling world of wedding planning. In a world where connections are currency, we delve into the art of forming genuine bonds with clients and the power of standing in your own truth, whether you're crafting a marketing strategy or facing a challenging client situation.

As a business coach, Chrissy brings a refreshing take on networking that transcends the digital landscape, emphasizing the value of in-person encounters. Let's be honest, it's easy to lose yourself in the sea of trends, but here, we share stories of how staying true to one's brand can forge lasting relationships and ward off burnout. We also tackle the tough stuff: recognizing when you're veering off-course and how to steer back to authenticity with confidence in every aspect of your marketing communications.

Wrapping up, we reflect on the importance of self-care, boundary setting, and the aftermath of events. Chrissy leaves us with poignant insights on self-discovery, providing practical advice and resources for aligning your personal truths with your professional endeavors. It's an episode brimming with wisdom for any wedding professional looking to build an empire rooted in authenticity. Don't miss out on this and more in our Wedding Empires Pro community – and for a touch more inspiration, follow our new Instagram account where the conversation continues.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:23

I'm so thrilled to meet you. We've been talking for quite a few weeks now about getting you on the podcast. You've got an interesting business where you coach and you do a whole range of things. Why don't you give me a little rundown on what it is that you do? Yeah, thank you.

Speaker 2: 0:40

I'm excited to be here. I think it's going to be a good conversation. So what I do, long story short, is basically work with really cool people, primarily women, who have some kind of service-based business, who want to actually enjoy their life, make a lot of money, make a big impact in the world and still enjoy their life along the way. So I am a business coach by title, but everything I do is from a human first approach of let's get you that money, let's get you that impact, and also let's do it in a way that's really sustainable, that you're not going crazy, you're not sacrificing your time, your well-being or your sanity and actually get you to enjoy your life along the way.

Speaker 1: 1:23

I love it, and today we're going to talk specifically about let me see if I can say this right authenticity. And look, it's something that heaps of us struggle with, so I guess let's start at the beginning. How do you define authenticity?

Speaker 2: 1:37

Yeah, so just the definition alone is one of those things that trips people up, because oftentimes when we think about authenticity, we think like we have to share everything about us with the whole world and like our personal diary is out there for everyone to see.

Speaker 2: 1:54

But it's not necessarily about sharing all of you all the time. It's about knowing who you are first and foremost, like actually doing the deconditioning work of what everyone else has told you and figuring out who you are and then showing up with the same core values, the same core tenets of yourself, your core, wherever you are. So how I show up with my husband is, at the base level, the same as how I show up with my clients. Now, my languaging is different, my level of familiarity is different, but my passion, my creativity, my directness, my dry sense of humor is all there across the board, because they're basic tenants of who I am and they are core to who I am. So that's really authenticity is being consistent in every part of your life in a way that feels really good and true to you.

Speaker 1: 2:54

How do you think being authentic, or showing your authenticity, is important for a wedding professional.

Speaker 2: 3:01

Yes, so weddings have so much emotion with them. Right, it's touted as one of the best days of your life, and for some people that is, and for some people it's just a day of stress. Right, it's big, heavy emotions. It's going to be something that, regardless of the length of time the planning actually goes on, you're going to remember that for much of the rest of your life. You're going to remember that for much of the rest of your life.

Speaker 2: 3:29

So, to have someone in your corner that gets you, that's not judging you. Who's not going oh my gosh, I really hate this client. But they're paying me a lot of money, but, like, she's just terrible. Right, you don't want somebody went like that. You don't want to be that wedding planner, but to be able to be yourself and talk about things that interest you, to share actual parts of yourself and to build real relationship with your clients not only is going to give you more clients you love to work with, you're energized.

Speaker 2: 4:03

At the end of the day, you're not drained. It's going to give you more money because you're going to have that word of mouth excuse me, word of mouth referral, and it's just going to be more fun for everybody involved. It's not going to be. Oh my God, I have enough like she's calling me again, right? No more of that. By being authentic, by really showing up and talking about the things that you want to talk, about having the same values, things like that, it helps kind of just make the whole process simpler and less of a headache.

Speaker 1: 4:38

And, as you know, I got more and more couples. I certainly got to a point where I could, you know, pick the ones and vibe with the ones that I was going to get along with. And really that started to happen when I stopped being so formal in my first meetings with people and I actually like, yes, got the bottle of rosé, got the cheese board, talked about other things, and, you know, we really got to know each other and that actually became a slogan of our business was that we were your wedding bestie and that's what the relationship was like. You know, it wasn't like this person that they've hired, it was this other person that was as excited as them about their wedding, you know. And we caught up over wine and cheese once a month and that. But I think that's that's me right, that's that's what I like to do. So so I totally agree with you, I think it's it's really important. Can you share some actionable steps that, like, wedding business owners could take to, I guess, uncover and amplify, like who they are, their authenticity?

Speaker 2: 5:50

Yes. So first and foremost, before actionable step, just a reminder that this is not going to be go journal for 20 minutes and you've got it nailed and you'd ever have to think about it again. It is an ever evolving process. Who you are today is going to be vastly different than who you are in six months time, three years, et cetera. So give yourself grace, remember that you're a human being and stuff happens. First actionable tip is to actually sit down with the earmuffs, with the blinders, not looking at anybody else, including family, friends, etc. And ask yourself what's important to you. Most of the time we don't give any kind of credit to our values, but our values create so much of who we are. So really understand what do you value With your business besties I love that, by the way wedding besties you value that relationship, that real connection. For some people they want more off right. They want a little bit more distance and more formality.

Speaker 1: 6:54

We're at the rock for them.

Speaker 2: 6:56

It would not go well. We have to understand our values, so there are a bunch of. You can just Google values list, find my values, and there are a ton of free resources to go out there and look, but find your values. That's the first one. And then the second tip is to spend time really going through the activities that you're doing in your business, and I mean everything Marketing, where you're marketing, how you're marketing, where you're showing up what you're doing, how often your pricing your packaging, how you communicate every single element of your business and ask yourself why? Why are you on Instagram? Why aren't you on TikTok? Why are you on podcasts? Why aren't you in emails? Yeah, and really give yourself that chance to figure out where those decisions are coming from, because it might be that you're running your business based off of a lot of shoulds.

Speaker 2: 7:58

So and so said, the experts are saying but at the end of the day, the experts don't matter, it's what feels true to you and then give yourself time to figure that out, because, again, that's a lot that I just gave you in those two steps. Give yourself grace in making the necessary changes. It might take you a while, it's okay.

Speaker 1: 9:43

Okay, and what role do you think vulnerability takes in being authentic?

Speaker 2: 9:54

So a lot of people think vulnerability is showing up and airing all of your dirty laundry and just being like, oh my gosh, I got into a spat with my husband this morning, like I can't take any of your nonsense today, right? That's not vulnerability. Vulnerability is really just that human to human opportunity to deepen the relationship. It could be something as simple. As you know, it's really hot today. Do you mind if I take an extra sip of water? Like I'm going to carry two bottles with me today? Everything's good. I'm just really thirsty as we go tour this venue. Good, I'm just really thirsty as we go tour this venue.

Speaker 2: 10:34

It could be I, you know, I have to reschedule. Something happened to my dog or my friend. I'm so sorry and not necessarily keeping it super formal of dear so-and-so, I have to unfortunately reschedule our like. Don't make it weird. Don't make it weird, but allow that space to show a little bit of your life, to show a little bit that you're not a wedding planner At the end of the day, you're a human being and just letting them see you for who you are. So it's that opportunity again to really deepen the relationship and that connection with each other, without going out there and being like blah, blah blah. Here's my diary entry for today.

Speaker 1: 11:16

Yeah, yeah. And look, so many times I've got the gig because and they've told me this that we've gelled as a person, we've. You know I trust her, I get her, she gets me and it's, and it's sometimes, you know, it's equally as important as the work. You know I might be doing the same kind of glamping style wedding that someone else is doing, but it's that connection that that gets you, that lands you that couple. Um cool, okay. Have you encountered any instances where leading with all 10 authenticity has led to any opportunities or growth for businesses?

Speaker 2: 11:54

Absolutely so. I work with a couple of registered dietitians and one of them does not want to be on social media, like it's not her jam, but she works with endurance athletes, who a lot of them are on social media. There's a lot of influencer style nutrition. She doesn't show up that way. She's very science-backed, she's very evidence. She's a little bit dry, right. She likes her science and her data and her numbers.

Speaker 2: 12:25

So instead of doing the social media route where she would bang her head against a wall, instead of doing the social media route where she would bang her head against a wall, she goes podcasting and speaking and webinars and lunch and learns and things that sound really boring to a lot of people. But she has made a niche for herself. She is the go-to in her physical community and the outlying areas because she shows up as herself. She gets pitched to be collaboration partners and it's a happy fix for her to show up that way. That doesn't stress her out. She doesn't spend hours on Instagram or social media. She wants to do it that way and she's had really cool opportunities come up to partner with tech firms, to partner with other like local businesses and she's just happy. She's happy and she gets clients and it's a good. It's a good balance.

Speaker 1: 13:22

I think I think it's interesting to to to talk about that and say it doesn't all have to be on social. You know, like I'm also somebody who works better in like a physical business networking setup with a glass of wine in my hand, you know that's, that's my comfy space to go and meet somebody. And and where my business was in Geelong in in Australia, there was a celebrant group that set up a business networking night specific for the wedding professionals in our area and oh my God, the amount of connections that I made that night and the amount of people that I preferred from meeting that night that I actually never did a wedding with but it was kind of like instantly. Clients were, you know, saying, oh, I need a celebrant.

Speaker 1: 14:07

Oh I met one the other night. She was great, know so. So I think, if, if that's I think it's important to say that, if that's your comfy space, if that's where you can be authentic and make authentic connections over tiktok or um, you know, you know, whatever, it is instagram or whatever then then do more of that, like you know, make that your thing because you know it's obviously going to work for you, do you? Do you, do you know any signs that wedding professionals specifically need to be mindful of if they're like veering away from their authentic path?

Speaker 2: 14:48

Yeah, there are two big ones. One is going back to those clients who drain you. One of the biggest things for wedding professionals and for humans is when we start to think that we have to do something and we have to, like, go after that money or we have to go after that next goal, we're always going, going, going, right, all of us. We're always going, we're ambitious, but you feel day in and day out, repeatedly that you are drained, and day out, repeatedly that you are drained, that maybe you're starting to resent the business. Or you're looking at that phone call coming in and you think, four-letter words after four-letter words, that's a sign that that client wasn't a fit. So really ask yourself what happened there? Did you take it because you thought you had to? Did you take it because you didn't set those expectations? Really ask yourself, like, why am I feeling drained and resenting my business at the end of the day? Yeah, kind of comparison. And this is especially true if you are running your business primarily on social media Blinders, earmuffs, blinders, earmuffs.

Speaker 2: 16:07

Stop following all of your friends, stop following all of the industry professionals when you start to do things because you're like, oh, so-and-so is doing this, oh, this is the new trend. Well, I should do that. The word should is a huge signal that you need to take a beat and ask yourself who's telling you that you should be doing that, and is it actually aligned? Yeah, I agree with you. Those two things are going to save you, hopefully, a lot of heartache and a lot of headache as you go throughout making sure that you really are doing things from a place that feels good.

Speaker 1: 16:47

I would say my two most difficult brides that I had. There were red flags from that first meeting and you know like it was just hard work the entire gig from start to finish. I did not like her as a person in the end. I'm sure she didn't probably like me either, but you know it was cash up front. It was a good gig on paper but I hated every minute of it and I think that you know that taught me a really big lesson that red flags aren't just in relationships.

Speaker 2: 17:23

You can get them from abroad and you need to run. It's hard, like that's one thing when we talk about authenticity it's. It's a hard journey some days because those paychecks are tempting and maybe I don't know your situation, maybe you have to right, maybe you have to do things that you don't want to do, to like pay the bills. But at the end of the day you're going to learn from those things too. You learned you are not going to take that kind of client moving forward Like again, you might make a mistake, quote unquote, you might go against what you know to be true, and it's just going to reconfirm I actually do know who I am and what I'm going to allow in my life, and I'm not going to allow that anymore.

Speaker 1: 18:13

Yeah, yeah, and it's, and it's the same. When you've got couples like that that want you to deviate from what you do, you know, like um, we, we, we had quite a sort of romantic style in in my business and and I've had people come to us and and you know we don't stick with the one style. But you know, there, there, there have been some requests where you just think it's probably not us, it's probably not us. You know, I know who is really good at that, but that one's probably not us, that particular style. Now, just while I'm looking at the chat box, mariana's got a question for us. She said what do you think is the best way to communicate with an authentic approach in our marketing? Good question.

Speaker 2: 18:58

That's a really good question. Thank you for that one. I think it comes down again going back, like knowing what your values are, knowing what you stand for, what your expectations are, etc. And also being really transparent about that. I think with marketing, oftentimes we think like, oh, we've got to have the hook, we've got to get something who's going to like bring people in. We've got to get the new trendy thing, we've got to be shiny and new, right. But if you're transparent about what you stand for and what you're like, what working with you is like, people are going to come flocking. So just be really clear, be transparent. If you are someone, let's see what good example.

Speaker 2: 19:44

One of my values is direct communication Direct to the point that I've very often been called blunt. I'm rather blunt in my marketing materials. I don't beat around the bush. It's not all sunshine and rainbows and butterflies. Let that be the case. If you are someone who's direct, let that be the case. If you're someone who's fun, loving casual rosé and cheese boards, bring that through. Let that come through all of your marketing, whether it's with the languaging, whether it's with like fun graphics, whether it's whatever it is. Be transparent about who you are and how you work, and I think that's going to really set you up well for success Great Now, have you got any suggestions around sort of tools or resources or practices to help people?

Speaker 1: 20:37

I guess dig deep and kind of you know, find out who they are and how they should be communicating and being authentic.

Speaker 2: 20:44

Yes, so full on going to promote. I've got a five day challenge. You can check out my website, but you can also do really simple things. You can journal. Get some there again. Google self-reflective authenticity questions. There are millions you can journal. I'm going to go back. I've said this multiple times now Blinders and earmuffs Stop consuming everything on social media.

Speaker 2: 21:11

Stop comparing yourself. Give yourself time and space to figure out who you are, to do the deep work of wow, maybe I'm not actually introverted, maybe I've just been told that I'm quiet, or someone has told me I'm really loud and obnoxious. But you know what I'm not. I'm just opinionated. Give yourself that chance. Whether it's through journaling prompts, I really like to do somatic work. I think a lot of our knowledge is inside our bodies. When we can get out of our head, that's just going to take us in chaos circles and get into our bodies. It's a lot easier while being simultaneously difficult. So there's an organization called the Embody Lab. I'm not affiliated with them, but I've taken trainings through them and they've got some amazing resources. As far as like stopping that mind chatter, stopping that I should be doing this, I should be doing that, and really just like kind of tuning into yourself of what do I want to do. How do I get to show up? Those would be my, without listing out like 15, those would be my top resources. That's good, that's good, that's good.

Speaker 1: 22:23

Reem has got a question for us. What would you do when you work in a full hang on? What would you do when you work in a fully authentic way and go the extra mile with a client, while working in a very tight budget and get the worst treatment on the wedding day?

Speaker 2: 22:44

How do you feel authentic in that scenario? Yeah, so I think this is a really hopefully that didn't happen. If it did, I apologize.

Speaker 1: 22:49

You go to your car and you shut the window and you scream.

Speaker 2: 22:54

Yeah. So a couple of things here. Absolutely, that would be. My first step is to take care of yourself, Whether that means that you are taking a beat, that you're walking away, that you are screaming into the woods, that you're screaming in your car, that you're dancing like whatever it needs to take that kind of edge off right, that you're not like ready to go to town and just scream at that person back. Take care of yourself.

Speaker 2: 23:24

Then, on the day again, like it kind of depends on like who you are in the relationship I probably wouldn't go to the bride or groom it's still their day. But if you need to absolutely pull them aside, have that conversation of this is unacceptable. I, you know, whatever you need to do for yourself, whether you need to leave, whether you need someone else to be the liaison between you and them, like whatever's going on but have that direct, open conversation. Let them know, hey, this is what's happening, whether it's them or like a guest has done something or said something to you, and then I'd follow up. So we're always going to handle the situation when we have to handle the situation, and then we're going to follow up and have that conversation when everyone's a little bit more removed. And this is where that vulnerability comes in Again, not going super like far off the rails, but letting them know a little bit of like.

Speaker 2: 24:22

Why was that unacceptable? What happened? You can again, depending on who you are, how you are. This is how that made me feel right. This is unacceptable because X Y, Z, this is how I should have expected to be treated. And relay those expectations and where they fell short of like, the reality fell short and stand in your own truth. At the end of the day, whether you're showing up authentically or not, no one gets to treat you poorly. No one deserves to be treated poorly. So that's not a failing on you. That's not a failing on being authentic. That has nothing to do with you. That goes into them, right. So do what needs to be done to take care of yourself, whether that maybe it's like changing your contract or adding in different lines. I hope that answered the question.

Speaker 2: 25:16

I feel like I answered the question, but I hope I answered the question?

Speaker 1: 25:18

I think so. She's smiling in the chat box, so I think so. Now, christy, something I noticed on your website which I want to bring to everyone's attention is that you have a free 15 minute guided meditation. Can you tell us about that?

Speaker 2: 25:31

Yes, so I really I love meditations. I think I've gotten a lot out of them personally because it stops your conscious mind, will take you down the rabbit hole of all the things that you should be doing, where meditations are going to help you hit that subconscious a little bit. And it's very much geared. It is the languaging is female. So I do say she and her. If that's not your languaging, please just fill in with your preferred. Do say she and her. If that's not your languaging, please just fill in with your preferred.

Speaker 2: 26:05

But it's a 15 minute short meditation that you can do as often as possible. That really, just at the end of the day, helps you connect with who you are. It helps you connect with your higher self, your inner self. That version of you that's tucked like mine sits right here, which is why I keep going to my chest. But underneath all of the conditioning, underneath all of the things that we're told we're supposed to be, who are you, what are you, how are you? And it gives you that chance fairly quickly, right, it's a short meditation to just reconnect with that and figure out, without the journaling, without the hours and hours of crying your heart out, like who do you get to be today, so it's. It's a fun little short visualization. Yeah, if check it out, it's really I like it. I've gotten good feedback. I'll make sure.

Speaker 1: 26:58

I put the link in our show notes so anyone listening. If you want to have a look at the podcast show notes, you'll get a link to Chrissy's 15-minute guided meditation and her website is chrissymellingercom. You can also find Chrissy on Instagram. She's pretty active there. We were DMing last night for me and her username is at Chrissy Mellinger. Thank you so much for joining us. I'd love to have you back in the future and find out more, because there's so much more that you do as a business coach and that you can offer wedding professionals, so we'll definitely connect again.

Speaker 1: 27:32

For those of you who missed the video live stream, you can become a member of Wedding Empires Pro for only 19 US dollars a month. You simply go to proweddingempirescom, sign up for a free seven day trial and you can be there live for any of these recordings and ask questions and engage with us as we're doing our interview. We've also got a brand new Instagram account launched yesterday, so go and find us. The username is Wedding Empires Podcast. Thanks, chrissy. We'll leave it there and we'll catch up soon. Thank you so much.