5 | Parenting Break: How to Thrive on Your First Kid-Free Adventure (and Actually Enjoy It)

Ever felt that mom guilt or panic at the thought of leaving your little one behind for a trip? Don't worry, you're not alone! 

In this episode of the Partners Beyond Parenthood podcast, Saba Bosuener takes you on a heartfelt journey as she and her husband embark on a six-night adventure away from their 14-month-old daughter. From the initial waves of anxiety to the surprising moments of joy, Saba explains how she navigated this emotional rollercoaster and came out stronger.

You'll get practical tips on choosing the right caregiver and creating backup plans. Plus, Saba gives golden advice on keeping busy to ease separation anxiety and why shorter trips might be your best bet for a first-time getaway.

Ready to reclaim some 'me time' or plan a romantic escape with your partner without feeling like the worst parent ever? Tune in now!

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Highlights:
00:38 - Planning the Trip
02:30 - Dealing with Mom Guilt
04:05 - Finding the right caregiver and back-up plan
05:13 - Breastfeeding Considerations
08:38 - Length of First Trip
10:19 - The "2-2-2 Rule”
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Join my Facebook group  Partners Beyond Parenthood to connect with me and other parents. Share your stories, get tips, and support each other on this parenting adventure!

I'd love to hear what you thought and if you're curious about any topics that you'd like me to explore, you can email me at hello@partnesbeyondparenthood.com 

Thanks to the very talented Jeff Ras for the podcast tile: jeffsras@gmail.com | www.jeffrasdesign.com

Transcript

Speaker: 0:00

And there were so many moments in the taxi on the way to the airport that I just wanted to tell the driver to turn around, take the next U turn, you know, any exit, whatever. I'm not, you know, forget it. I'm not going to the airport anymore. It's done. Hello and welcome to Partners Beyond Parenthood, the podcast that helps new parents thrive without losing themselves. My name is Saba Buzunur and my mission is to help new and overwhelmed parents gain clarity on what their priorities and needs are. This episode aims to help you prepare and plan your trip, event, or whatever it is that means you won't be spending the night or maybe even multiple nights with your baby. Just last month, my partner and I went on a trip for six nights. My daughter was 14 months and we were going to an event in Portugal, which is about two hour flight away from Barcelona, which is where we're based. When we've been looking into the return flights, we didn't find any direct for the day the event ended. So I was like, My husband, Leo, played around with the dates, and after a while, he asked me how I'd feel about adding on two additional nights. He was saying, you know, we'd be able to take some time for ourselves, no event, no other people, just the two of us, and how great it would be to spend some prolonged quality time together again. My initial thoughts were panic and anxiety. That would make the entire trip six full nights and seven days of not seeing or holding my little baby. And I stalled, I really did, and basically tried to avoid discussing our return trip details for a few days, maybe, maybe even weeks, until we really had to book the flights. Now, the more I thought about it, the more I realized that spending quality time would be really valuable, and so, I tried to change my mindset on the whole trip. I spoke to other parents who had taken a trip without their babies to see how they had coped, and to learn any practical tips that they could give me. The general advice was, it's hard. No doubt, especially the first day, maybe even the second, but then once you realize that your baby is doing well, and that they're in good hands, It gets a little easier. Maybe easy is not the right word, but it gets a bit more tolerable. So after feeling somewhat prepared, maybe a little less worried and even a little excited about the trip, the day finally came. The grandparents had come to stay to take care of her, making sure to overlap a few days at the beginning so that she could familiarize herself with them again, and that they'd get a hang of her routine as well. And then came time to book the taxi, and I can't even begin to describe how I felt. My stomach was doing all kinds of somersaults, twists and turns, and I literally felt sick. I think I cried the entire way to the airport in the taxi. But I somehow managed to keep all those emotions in when saying our goodbyes, because I was worried that, you know, she'd catch on if I let out these emotions in front of her. And this was the very first time I would not see my daughter on a daily basis since her birth. And there were so many moments in the taxi on the way to the airport that I just wanted to tell the driver to turn around, take the next u turn, you know, any exit, whatever. I'm not, you know, forget it. I'm not going to the airport anymore. It's done. And I really don't know what that was a result of. Mom guilt, my own separation anxiety. I don't know. I'm sure it was a mixture of it all, but it But it was rough, to say the least, and I definitely had moments where I thought, Wow, what a terrible mom. You're leaving your daughter for how many days? This trip is voluntary, you don't actually have to go? Which made it all worse. In the end, I tried to stay strong. After all, all these other moms have managed to do this, I'm sure I can too. Besides, we had discussed that if at any point I or we felt uncomfortable, we would just leave and go home early. So I did it. I got on the flight and I survived. No, just kidding. What I really mean is that I made it and stayed until the end, all six nights, and actually really enjoyed the trip as well. So if you've been considering a trip, either with some friends or your partner, consider it. Here are the things that helped me. First of all, who will your baby be staying with? Do you have a family member that you trust and could step in and you'd also know that they'd be happy to do so? Either by them coming to your place or you taking your baby to theirs? Is there a nanny or some friends that your baby knows well enough to feel comfortable in your absence? My daughter seems to be pretty much fine with just about anyone and has never seemed to get separation anxiety. At least until now, fingers crossed. So it's been a little easier on that front for us. But if you have seen this in your baby, then you'd want to make sure that they're familiar and comfortable with whomever you're leaving your baby with. Next, make sure to have a plan B and C. And you can go further down the alphabet if you wish, but B and C is a good start. So plan B could be having other people you know and trust step in, and C could be you coming back early if necessary, as an example. Just make sure you have options for navigating unforeseen circumstances and that will help you already feel a lot more comfortable with the whole idea of going somewhere. Also, If you've been breastfeeding up until that point, make sure you take a pump with you. I cannot stress that enough. As mentioned, my daughter was 14 months and I'd already been prepared to stop breastfeeding. Um, I think I was feeding maybe once a day by this point. You know, she was eating well, um, at this time and was taking formula from time to time, so I knew she liked it and could tolerate breastfeeding. I had also gone, I think, about one or two days, um, without giving her milk before the flight, and I felt fine, so I didn't think I'd need the pump. You know, I had no signs of engorgement or anything. But on the third day of not feeding her or expressing any milk, I literally sent my husband running to the pharmacy. It was definitely time and we had to buy a pump. So in any case, if you haven't fully stopped breastfeeding for at least a week before, maybe even more, then do yourself a favor and take one or be ready to buy one. And the other thing you want to make sure is that when you go on the trip, Keep busy. That's possibly the best advice I can give you. Our days at this event were so packed and we were so busy meeting people that it helped the time go by so much faster. Now, does this stop you from thinking about your baby? Of course, it doesn't. But, it does help to keep a bit of the anxiety at bay. So, while keeping busy, as you get updates on how it's going from your family or whomever it is that's staying with your baby, and hopefully, you know, or usually I'd say it's better than you expect, You'll likely start to relax a little. My concern had been that, just before we left, she was having um, an episode of waking in the night about one to two times, and that was from um, her sleeping through pretty much the nights, to then all of a sudden waking. I don't know, be it a sleep regression, teething, who knows? But we were so worried about how the grandparents would cope. I mean, we all know it's not easy. It's tiring, it's exhausting to say the least, but literally the night we left, she started sleeping through. What a champion. And that made it a lot better, knowing that they were getting enough rest to entertain her throughout the day. Now, if your baby goes to daycare, then great, that gives them some downtime in general throughout the day. If you can get some extra help, if they're not going to daycare, such as a nanny or a family member who can step in, or who can come just even like for half the day, then then that definitely helps as well. We did this for some of the days, and I think this was overall a good strategy. You know, it's kind of sad, but it almost felt like she barely noticed our absence. But that also meant that we could relax more and enjoy our time knowing that she was doing absolutely fine. Lastly, when going on this trip, if it's your first time, I wouldn't necessarily recommend going for so long. As mentioned, our trip was six nights, um, seven days, but I think it's, if it's going to be the first time, then You know, maybe two nights, maybe even one, or a long weekend, um, would be recommended. And it's also worth saying that it's definitely different leaving your baby with your spouse versus others, whether they're family or a trusted caregiver. My husband actually already spent some time apart from her on a few occasions. or apart from us and he mentioned it felt totally different to him leaving our daughter with basically a non spouse. So that's also something to consider when you're going on your trip, whether it's alone, with friends, or your partner. In any case, If you have a trip coming up soon and you're feeling a little anxious, here's your sign that you should do it. Preparation is key, particularly with making sure you feel comfortable and trust the person, or people, who will be taking care of your little one. It is hard, but you'll likely be very grateful at the end, and proud that you went out of your way to do something not only for yourself, but potentially also together with your partner. Another parent once said that she and her partner followed the rule, um, or the two, two, two rule. And that really helped keep their relationship alive. So the rule is a date night every two weeks, a weekend away, every two months and a week long vacation every two years. You may want to adjust that a little to what works best for you. The point is, actually planning out time and taking a trip for yourself or with your significant other without your kid. It's really worthwhile. So I'd love to hear about any trips you have coming up and how you're feeling about it and prepping for it and if you'd like you can join my Facebook group Partners Beyond Parenthood to connect with me and other parents. You can find the link in the show notes. I hope you've been able to find some helpful information in this episode and thanks so much for tuning in.