Spiritual Health - Taking Offense

Talking about the dangers of taking an offense and how important it is to let it go.

Transcript

Hi, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast specifically designed for women who feel like they're starting over. Maybe you went through a bad breakup, a divorce, maybe you lost your spouse.

For whatever reason, in the middle of life, it felt like the rug was pulled out from underneath you, and you feel like you're starting over. And that's not a good feeling.

But the good news is you're in the right place, you're not alone, and I'm so glad that you're here. Welcome. So today's episode, we're going to talk about one of those five key areas that I mentioned in the beginning, in the first episode.

I said there were five areas I focused on when I went to rebuild my life. I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and then I focused on growth and goals, okay?

So today's episode is going to be our first episode about spiritual health. And this one's going to sound a little bit different. For the first episode on spiritual health, we're going to talk about taking offense.

And that sounds kind of odd, so just bear with me. I know that it's not something that people talk about all the time, but I think it's really important for us to talk about it in this setting and in this place.

When you are going through a truly dark night of the soul, when you're rebuilding your life and it just feels like everything has gone wrong, and like I said, the rug's been pulled out from underneath your feet, it's really easy to take offense at

little things because this big thing has happened. Everything is kind of, we're in a negative mind frame because so much negative has happened, like a big negative thing. It's easy to see little negative things everywhere. They just jump out at us.

They're like glue. They stick to us. All these things, all these offenses, they cut me off in traffic.

That lady at the counter when I went to buy something was rude. They shorted me on whatever at the drive-through. All these things come up and they're just irritating, right?

And so today, when we talk about offense, I want to encourage you to start letting those little things go. And it's counter to your nature. Your nature is going to say, no, I am justified.

I was right. I was right. They were wrong.

And we have this innate need for justice inside of us, right? And it just rises up like, no, that was wrong. And I get that.

And so it takes work. It takes being aware of it and acknowledging it and saying, you know what? I might be right, but I'm big enough to let it go.

And that takes time and it's hard, but it's so important. So one of the first clues that I got about this and why, when I started becoming aware, was I read a book by a man named John Brevere, and it was called The Bait of Satan.

And I had never really heard about people taking offense. Like, I think I heard that term before, but nobody really talks about that in Christian faith and in circles of whatever. I grew up in a church-based home.

It just wasn't something that people talk about a lot. So when I read this book, I found it very, very interesting. And he talks about taking offense as literally the bait of Satan.

Satan baits us by making us feel justified and why we're right and they're wrong. That happened and that's wrong. And when we take that, we're kind of hooked into this root of bitterness.

Like, when we take offense, it's the seed that's the root that grows into the root of bitterness. And we've heard about that one, right? And nobody wants to become bitter.

You see bitter people, you know bitter people. You don't want to be a bitter person, but most of the time, bitter people don't realize they're bitter. And sometimes it's, yeah, that big thing that happened.

But then we collect all these little offenses day in and day out, and we just live super prickly. And we've got to learn to start letting it go.

Now, I will say the big offense, the thing that kind of caused you to start your life over, that big thing that was unfair and wrong that happened to you, we won't tackle that today. That's a mountain to climb for another day.

Today, we're going to start with baby steps.

Today, we're going to start with the little things, how to let go, and starting to become aware that we need to let go of those little things day in and day out, the things that somebody said something insensitive, somebody, like I said, cut you off

in traffic, whatever it is. You know what? That was wrong. I'm going to let that go.

Because we don't want to become bitter. We don't want to take the bait of Satan. I mean, when you hear it said that way, it's like, whoa.

And most of us, I feel like the majority of people are pretty moral. We don't deal with murder, and we don't steal. And I mean, we're pretty moral, ethical people on the most part.

Most of us would rate ourselves that way. The thing that comes up on your blind side that you aren't aware of most of the time is taking offense.

And that's where you can get hooked, and you can say, I live a righteous moral life, and I was right and they were wrong. But you've taken this bait of becoming offended.

And because this is about spiritual health, I'm going to quote a few scriptures to support what I'm talking about.

So Hebrews 12.15 says, See that no one fails to obtain the grace of God, that no root of bitterness springs up and causes trouble, and by it many become defiled. So scripture tells us, see to it that no one fails to obtain the grace of God.

You don't want to fail to obtain the grace of God. Bitterness, the root of bitterness, could get in the way of that. And then it says that many can become defiled.

Why? Because bitterness can lead to anger and dissension and division. And we don't want that.

And when you look at it objectively and you zoom out, you know, I don't want that in my life. I don't want anger and division. But it starts so simple.

It starts with taking offense. And I think just becoming aware of what it can grow into and becoming aware of when we feel offended and making the conscious choice, hey, I'm going to let that go, is so important so that it doesn't grow.

If you've ever pulled weeds in a garden, you know the little ones, when they first start, you can just pull those out, yank that up pretty easy.

But once a vine has started growing and it's wrapped around other things, it takes a lot to pull it out, right? And we want to yank it out when it's little. We want to take those little things.

They cut me off in traffic. You know what? I'm not going to be offended by that.

There was a phrase I used once I became aware that I was living offended, because when I went through my divorce, I definitely was living very offended. And I struggled with this a lot.

And one of the ways, as I started to become aware of it and try to tackle this issue in my own life, was I said, I'm letting them eat my lunch. If somebody said something that bothered me, I'm letting them eat my lunch.

I'm not going to let that eat my lunch. I don't know where I got that phrase from. Somebody else said it, not me.

I picked it up. But I remember saying that a lot. This is eat my lunch.

I'm not going to let this eat my lunch. And sometimes we let things happen, and we're just taking poison. It's just poison to us.

It's not poison to the other person who said it. It's not poison to that driver who cut you off in traffic that you're cussing out or fussing over. They can't hear you.

It's only poison to you. It's only ruining your day. It's only making you negative.

So just kind of really becoming aware. And like another thing I did, and it's not always whatever. It may not work for everybody, but I would ball up my fist and just open it up.

I let it go and have an open palm. And just sometimes I have to hold my fist tight and then opening it up. Just like a physical visual reminder, like I am letting that go.

I can't hold on to that. And sometimes, especially if it's something somebody said and there's an emotion like that involved, it might take more than once doing that. You might have to let it go three or four times.

You might have to choose, because you pick it up without realizing it. I mean, it's sticky. I tell you, it's like glue.

You'll say, I'm going to let that go. And it's the bait of Satan, because Satan will come back and say, that was ridiculous what they said. I mean, you can hear the soundtrack in your mind when you've been aggravated, I'm letting that go.

And then you hear what they said again, and you just get all worked up all over again, and you have to tell yourself, I'm going to let that go. I'm going to let that go.

And it's like we're working a muscle, and we're starting with those little things because this is probably a new muscle to build. Like I said, not a lot of people talk about it, and maybe you do talk about it, and that's great.

But in the Christian circles that I've been in, in the sermons that I've heard, in the books that I've read, I've read one book about this, and it's just not something people talk about.

So it might be a brand new muscle for you to build, really working on letting it go. But it's important because we don't want the root of bitterness. We don't want to be like that.

Proverbs 19 11 says, a person's wisdom yields patience. It is to one's glory to overlook an offense. I've never been one to pray for patience.

I feel like I had a lot of situations in my life that needed patience, and I didn't want to ask for more of those. But wisdom, patience, it's so vital, and it's to your glory to overlook an offense. Maybe God is the only one that will see that glory.

Maybe you won't get credit for it here, but that's okay. It is to your glory to overlook an offense. Scripture says that.

And if you have to hold on to that, hold on to that, it's to your glory. And being patient is a muscle you have to build and saying, I'm going to let that go. I'm going to let that go.

The kid put an empty box back in the pantry.

I don't know why that irritates me, but I think a lot of moms that irritates, when you go to the pantry and there's an empty box, or maybe that's not the box of food you use, you don't eat those cookies, but you didn't buy more at the store because

there was a box in the pantry. And then they're like, why didn't you buy more cookies? There's a box. There's none in the box.

Silly, simple thing. I find it irritating. I have to let it go.

I cannot argue with my children about all these things. I have to pick my battles. And I had to pick that that wasn't going to be a battle that I wanted to fight.

I had to let it go. It was a little thing. I was going to let it go.

At the end of the day, so many things are little things, and we have to let them go, and we have to remind ourselves how important it is, because at the end of the day, it's just poison. It's just a weed. It's just going to grow in our life.

It's just going to choke out our joy. And letting go of the little things, the person who was rude to you at the store, is going to be so much easier.

Once we learn to let that go, we learn to let go of the fact that somebody cut us off in traffic or didn't wait their turn at the four-way stop.

When we let go of the fact that there was an empty box in the pantry, we start letting go of the little things. In time, it will be easier to tackle the big thing.

And when we can let go of the things that have hurt us and offended us, that means we can live in peace and joy. And you can have joy and you can have offense.

And sometimes you fluctuate between the two, but you can't have joy and offense at the same time. Right? And if we're rebuilding an amazing life, because that's the goal, right?

To rebuild a life that's really great, that we can be proud of. Not a perfect life, not some unobtainable life, not some pristine, perfect life, but amazing to me. My life is amazing.

And to feel the joy of having an amazing life, we do want joy, and we do want peace. And you can't have that when you live offended. And I know that it's easy to live offended.

I have lived offended. I'm not proud of it. I got aggravated by everything.

And I have watched other women and people walk through this process. And I can see that when something big happens, it's easy to get offended by a thousand little things every day. And it's just like that radar gets on hyper, you know?

You just notice everything, and it's so easy to be offended. And to live a life of joy, we've got to start letting go of the offense. Psalms 37, 8 and 9 says, Refrain from anger and forsake wrath.

Fret not yourself. It tends only to evil. For the evildoers shall be cut off, but those who wait for the Lord shall inherit the land.

So what does that mean? Offense easily leads to anger. When you get offended, how quickly does anger come after that?

That's where it leads, right? Offense really leads to anger. And it says, Refrain from anger and forsake wrath.

Don't fall into those traps. Fret not. How often when you take offense, do you fret?

They said this. Oh my gosh, what does that mean? I don't know.

I'm so offended. And I think maybe now they think this. Instead of that, often we can fret, right?

So we get angry. We get upset. We fret.

And the Bible says, Don't do those things. It says that it only leads to evil. And we don't think about taking an offense, especially when we're right and the other person's wrong.

We don't see that as evil, right? That what? How could that be evil?

That sounds so maniacal. Evil is, you know, a term we use for villains, Disney villains, but not me, not because I was right. But the Bible says, Hey, you want to step back from that.

Stay away from the things that get you angry. Stay away from all that stuff that leads to a path that you don't want to go down. So stay away from that, because evil people, evil doers will be cut off but those who wait for the Lord.

And waiting, those who wait for the Lord, isn't that really similar in like something you could use maybe for patient, be patient with the Lord, be patient and wait. Patience and wait are very similar.

And patience is kind of like we saw in the other scripture, like patience is overlooking offense kind of thing, right? So let's be patient and then we'll be rewarded, right? It says inherit the land.

I don't know what that means in like realistic terms. What does that look like in my life? I can't tell you.

I think it's different for everybody. But I think the key takeaway is God saying, hey, be patient. Don't get offended.

Don't get angry. Don't fret. And you'll be rewarded.

Getting angry and fretting really only leads you down a path that's going to end up evil. And if you can be patient, you're going to be rewarded. And that is so hard to do.

It's hard to be patient just to wait on something, like, when you're in line, being patient is hard. I don't like waiting in line, going to the airport, and waiting, waiting on my food at the drive-thru.

All the waiting things aren't super fun for me. But when it says, like, wait on the Lord, like, be patient for God, sometimes that means we're waiting in frustration, right, a little bit. Like, you're waiting in this season of er, this isn't fun.

I'm right, they're wrong, and I've still got to be patient and wait. It's uncomfortable waiting. Maybe that's the better term.

It's waiting uncomfortably. So I'm not sitting in the car with air condition blowing in my face and just having to sit still while I'm waiting on my food. I'm having to wait uncomfortably.

I'm having to wait feeling like this was unfair, and choosing even in the face of it being unfair to let it go. That's what God is counseling us to do. And it's simple, but it's so easy to get caught up in it.

It's so easy to justify how right you are and how wrong somebody else is, but that only leads to a really negative path. It's simple. It's just a little seed.

It's not big, but it grows really fast. And before you know it, you're choking out all your joy and all your happiness. One more scripture that I'll share with you from Ecclesiastes.

It's chapter 7, verse 9. Be not quick in your spirit to become angry, for anger lodges in the heart of fools. How often has anger lodged in my heart?

How often have I been a fool? When I get offended, how often does it lodge in my heart? And when something lodges in your heart, you've got to get that out quickly.

You've got to choose immediately. Hey, I've got to let that go. Your heart, I mean, we've got to protect our heart at all costs, because everything flows from our heart.

Remember? Like, that's a key thing. You know, protect your heart, guard your heart.

All the things flow from your heart. So you don't want something lodged in your heart. Right?

So the Bible is kind of using big terms. It's using, like, that only leads to evil. Don't let it lodge in your heart.

Like, can we know to protect and guard our heart? So it's so simple because we're just unaware of it. And that need for justice rises up in us.

And the need to justify what we've said over what somebody else has said is so strong. And we don't even think about it being something that could lead us down a negative path, a path that says to evil. We wouldn't choose to take that path.

If it were clearly marked like a street sign, we wouldn't go down the path that said, evil this way. No. That's why there has to be bait.

That's why it has to be really easy to swallow. Oh, my gosh. I'm right.

They're wrong. That goes down like sugar, right? Like, yes, of course.

And before you know it, we're hooked, and it leads to anger and just bitterness.

And I just want to counsel you to work on the muscle of letting go of the little things and build it, whether it's something somebody said, whether it's something silly, whatever that your kids did, whether it's somebody in traffic or somebody at a

store that said something rude, let it go. Let it go. Ball your fist up. Open it up.

I had a boss, and he always said, you count backwards from ten, and when you get to one, you can breathe again, and you're doing good.

And so every now and then, something would happen, and it would aggravate him, and he would count backwards from ten. And I thought that was smart.

You know, just whatever it is for you, whether it's bottling your fist up and opening your palm back up, whether it's counting backwards from ten, find a way. Hey, I acknowledge this.

I see this happened, and it made me angry, and I'm gonna let it go. I think so much of rebuilding a really great life is just starting to acknowledge things and starting to be aware.

In another episode, I talked about gratitude, or I talked about money. Here I'm talking about offense. I think before I rebuilt my life, I lived it blind almost, like things just happened and bumped into me, and I got offended, or this or that.

I think when I rebuilt my life, one of the key things is becoming aware. Hey, I'm offended. And once you become aware and label it, then you can do something about it.

Hey, my spending is this. I am aware of that. I can do something about it.

I'm choosing to become aware of things to be grateful for.

Being aware and conscious of these things, instead of just letting them play in the background of our life and reacting to them, but taking control and acknowledging and being conscious of what is going on and conscious of how we choose to react to

it. You're right. It was completely wrong that they said that, but I'm not going to let it ruin my entire day. It's not worth me having a horrible day just because they said something careless.

I deserve to have a good day, and I'm going to make the decision because I'm consciously aware of it. I'm going to let that go. So it's a skill we have to work on.

It's a muscle we have to build. But I encourage you to work on it. I encourage you not to take offense because it really leads quickly or more quickly.

Quicklier is not a word. More quickly than you realize, down a really negative road. And like I said, the scripture even calls it evil.

And we don't want that. If we're making conscious decisions, if we're rebuilding in a conscientious way, we wouldn't want to go down an evil path. So we're not going to take the bait.

We're not going to get offended. We're going to let it go. And we're going to practice on the little things, the things that come up, little things throughout the day.

We're going to practice on that. Because eventually we're going to have to tackle that mountain. We're going to have to tackle the big thing that really puts you in the dark night of the soul, in this valley.

We're going to have to tackle that at some point, right?

And if we practice letting go of the little things and all these small things, we're going to build up a muscle, and we'll be able to climb that mountain, and we'll be able to tackle that big thing and be able to let that go.

And that will feel so amazing. That will be very freeing when you can let go of the big thing. But for now, we're going to let go of the little things.

Baby steps, small, small steps, consistency. Start small and build. I'm so happy you're joining me on this journey.

Thank you for tuning in, and I look forward to seeing you next time. Bye.