Goals

Setting goals is so important.  Especially when we are going through a difficult season.  Focusing on positive things that we have control over is so empowering and helps take our attention away from the negative things in our life that more often than not we can't control.

Transcript

Hello, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast, Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I say rebuild because we're specifically designed and targeted towards women who feel like they're rebuilding their life. Maybe you went through a divorce, you're going through a big breakup, a loss even.

And it feels like all your plans for the future have gone up in smoke. And everything in your daily life is kind of topsy-turvy. It wasn't where it was before.

Everything has changed, and the rug has been pulled out from underneath your feet. If that's you, you're in the right place. Welcome.

I am so glad that you are here. So today's episode, we're going to talk about goals. If you'll remember, in the beginning, in the intro, I talked about rebuilding my life, and I focused on five key areas.

And that was spiritual health, mental health, physical health, financial health. And then I focused on growth and goals. So today, that's what we're going to talk about, goals.

I understand if you're pulling back a little bit, you've already heard about goals. I know. You talk about goals at work and the types of goals and smart goals.

And in school, you probably talked about goals back then. My whole life, I've heard about the importance of setting goals. I know this isn't new to you.

I'm not here to share brand new information with you. I'm here to encourage you in a dark season that this is what you need to do, that this is important. When you set a goal, you're doing a forward motion.

You're going forward, you're looking ahead. And that is positive, because we've got to get through it. We've got to get through the dark night of the soul, through the rough season, through the dark time.

And we've got to move forward to do that, and a goal keeps us moving forward.

The other thing goals do is, especially when we're in this dark season, instead of focusing on all the negativity around us and all the things we're not able to change and we don't have control over, we're focusing on a goal that is positive and not

negative, and it's something we do have control over. So it helps our mental health. It helps give us confidence and encourage us because we're taking positive action where we can in our life.

So that's a reason why goals are important, specifically when you're going through a hard time and a lot of changes are going on and maybe things that you didn't want to happen have happened. This is why goals are important in this season.

So what kind of goals to set? Well, I'm going to give you some goal topics, and then you get to pick your exact goal. You choose how you want to rebuild your life.

But as we're rebuilding our life, we had some focus areas. So having a goal for each of those focus areas makes sense. And then I've got a couple extra that aren't focus areas, but we can add goals for, okay?

So our first focus area was spiritual health. So what kind of goals are spiritual health goals? That's kind of odd.

Maybe. I don't know. So I would suggest some ideas for spiritual health.

Maybe you say, I want to read my Bible every day. Or maybe you say, I want to start a devotional. I want to start reading of devotion every day.

There's an app, the Bible app. When you look at it, it's on Android and Apple. I'm sure you already have it downloaded on your phone.

But it says, Holy Bible. And so it's a whole Bible, and you can switch back and forth between translations. But another thing is it has devotionals on there.

And you can search them based on a topic. So you would be able to say, divorce, and it will pull up devotionals for people going through divorce or loss. And it will pull up people, devotionals, dealing with grief.

So if you want to start a devotional, that's an easy way to do it. It's pretty simple. And you probably already have it right there on your phone.

Easy to download and free. Maybe another idea for a spiritual health goal. Maybe you say, I'm going to listen to Christian music instead of contemporary music.

Maybe you're going to say, when I went through my dark seasons, what I did, my time in the car between dropping the kids off and getting to work, I had a commute during my time in the car, I prayed. That was my time to talk to God.

My morning commute, I talked to God. Maybe that's what you want to do. Maybe you are struggling with this thing in your life.

Maybe it's divorce or loss. And maybe you want to say, I want to know what the Bible has to say about that.

So I'm going to do a topical search, and I'm going to go through the Bible and find every time that divorce or death is eluded to, mentioned directly, and then I'm going to see how those instances and what the Bible says about it, how that applies to

me in my life. I encourage this simply because everybody has an opinion on something. Being able to form your own opinion yourself really matters, and not just having to listen to what somebody else says.

It gives you a confidence that you know that you know, that you've researched it yourself, and you know why you feel this way, why you've come to this conclusion. So that's, I feel like, helpful. But you could pick any number of things.

A big goal, a little goal, something simple. Like, I'm just going to listen to Christian music. I'm just going to switch my radio station to K-Love or whatever.

Something simple is good, too. Just a goal to remember that spiritual health matters, that this is your source of strength, that this is your source of hope.

And even when you're going through the dark night of the soul, that you know where your help comes from, and you got to put it in front. It's got to matter. So you're going to put a goal there.

It doesn't have to be a hard goal, but just pick a goal that reminds you that spiritual health matters. It's important. And you're going to pick something that will help enhance your spiritual health.

So after spiritual health, we're going to pick a goal based on our mental health. And that one sounds a little different. I don't know how many people talk about mental health goals.

Mental health matters, right? The way we are inside our own head really, really matters. Our attitude, our frame of mind, our point of view, our perspective, all that colors the world around us, right?

And sometimes I have to remind myself that feelings aren't facts. I can feel big feelings, but that's not always a fact. And so having our mental health and staying aware that our mental health matters is important.

So what are some goals we can set that revolve around mental health? Well, the first episode I did on mental health, I talked about gratitude. So you might choose that, and you might say, hey, I'm going to say I'm thankful for three things every day.

I'm going to write down three things I'm grateful for every day, and that's my mental health goal. And that's excellent.

But you could, there's some other options just to throw some things out there, and most of these will be topics for future episodes.

You could work on affirmations and do daily affirmations, which I have said before, it sounds kind of hokey to do affirmations, but it really does make a difference over time, right?

You might say, I know that clutter contributes to anxiety, and I have a lot of anxiety. I am going for my mental health to clean up and make sure that clutter is reduced in my home and in my space. You might say, I'm going to clean up my newsfeed.

The social media that I consume, some of it really gets me down. So maybe there are some pages that you need to unfollow, or companies, or maybe even a few people, that just every time something's posted there, it makes you feel down.

Maybe it's a page that just posts negative content. I know there are pages out there that just kind of have the click bait that seems super negative oriented. But sometimes there are pages that post things, and they're not necessarily negative.

They make us feel less than, because our life doesn't look that way, because we don't have that happy, clappy life with a white picket fence right now. And it just gets us down. And it's not necessarily that that page is wrong or negative.

It's the way it makes us feel about ourselves. So cleaning up some of your social media might be a really good thing to do. And that would help your mental health.

So think about things that support your mental health. Maybe you need to work on your inner voice and how you talk to yourself. That's a big one.

But prioritizing your mental health and making that good, healthy practices. And it takes time. None of these things will switch and clean up your mental health overnight at all.

But slowly, over time, good practices make a big difference. So incorporating a goal about your mental health is really good. And it can be a simple thing.

It doesn't have to be big and dramatic. It can be small. But incorporate a good mental health goal for yourself.

Next, I want you to come up with a goal for your physical health. And this is a lot of things, right? So you could have weight loss.

You could have diet. You could have exercise. And then, you know, I also said we're including, like, your physical appearance in that.

So I want to update my look. There's so, so, so many things, right? Now, I want to say here again, and I believe I've said it before, if you have a weight loss goal, that's great.

I encourage you to do what you feel like is best for you so you're happy with who you see in the mirror.

But if it's a weight loss goal, I encourage you not to fixate on the number on the scale, but pick something like, I want to fit back into my favorite pair of jeans.

I want them to feel a certain way, and we know when our clothes get tighter and when they get looser, and that's a really good indicator. And if you want to weigh yourself and track your weight, that's good, but maybe do it once a month.

Certainly, don't do it every day or every week. That shifts the focus to something that just is going to stress you out.

Numbers are good, and it's good to track things, but it's also good just to know I can feel the progress because my jeans fit better. But whatever your goal, if your goal is appearance, like, you know what?

I do realize I'm in a rut with my makeup or my clothes. What can you do about that? Well, maybe you can set a goal.

I'm going to go into Sephora, or I'm going to go into Ulta, and I'm going to talk to one of the people there and ask them if they have some tips and ideas about how I could update my look.

I don't want a drastic change, but maybe I should put my eyeliner on differently or something. And sometimes we don't know what we don't know, right? And so you got to talk to people.

Maybe you could look up YouTube videos. I've seen several YouTube videos where they talk about how to put your eyeshadow on differently. All the different things, contouring, is very, very, very interesting.

I don't want the super dramatic look. I want the look that seems more natural, but I still care about how it looks.

And in the way you place the different, the dark versus the light colors on your face, really does contour your skin, your face, and make it look different. So maybe start watching some YouTube videos on that. That would be a place to start.

My goal is I want to update my look. But diet and exercise, maybe it's just eliminating that one thing like we talked about before. Maybe it's eliminating that one thing from your diet that you know is your thing.

Soda, for me, it was chips. You got to eliminate that one thing from your diet, right? Maybe that's your goal.

Maybe your goal is just to get outside. I'm going to start walking outside, because outside, the sun, vitamin D, that's so good. It helps our mental health just to be outside.

So maybe that's your goal. I want to walk so many steps a day, or I want to, you know, whatever.

But come up with a goal around your physical health, physical appearance, that physical aspect of yourself, because the end game is you want to be proud of who you see in the mirror, whatever that is, right?

And if that's updating your makeup just a little bit, if that's updating your clothing just a little bit, whatever that is, let's do that, and let's start experimenting. And there can be some trial and error, right? It's okay.

So maybe you go down one path, and you're like, I thought that was going to be it, but it's not. And that's okay, too. But let's start trying, and let's start setting a few goals.

I want to update my look. I want to lose a little bit of weight. I want to work on my diet.

Come up with a goal about your physical health, okay? And then next, we have financial health. And this one can be a little bit intimidating.

And I will say off the bat, you probably need a few goals here, not just one. This is one where you'll need some short-term goals and some long-term goals. There will just be a variety in this topic because of the nature of the way it is, right?

But what are your financial goals? Do you want to start saving money? What kind of savings account do you want?

So how do you set that up? So Dave Ramsey says, you need $1,000 for your first emergency fund. Like, your first goal is like $1,000.

So maybe that's a goal you say, hey, I really need $1,000 in my savings account. I'm going to start that. That's not where we end in our savings account.

We really want three to six months worth of living expenses in our savings account. But $1,000, that helps take the pressure off when you're living paycheck to paycheck, right? So if you could get $1,000, maybe that's just what you need.

That would be a good goal. Maybe you have some credit card debt, and you want to pay that down. And so you say, I'm going to start with my smallest credit card that I owe the least on, and I'm going to pay that off.

And I'll feel good getting that out from under me. Other financial goals might be, hey, I'm going to save up. I have a kid who's going to start driving, and I need to get them a car.

I got to save for that. You might have financial goals about, a lot of times, if you've gone through a divorce or a death, there is a house that either needs to be sold or bought. There's a lot of times a real estate transaction associated with that.

Not always. But maybe you got to sell the house. Maybe you got to buy a house.

So what kind of financial goals do you have? What's on the horizon? What are you looking towards?

And then what can you do about it? Maybe you have a goal to start contributing to your 401k. If your company offers a matching 401k, definitely it would be a great thing to start contributing to that.

So what are your goals? Maybe your goal is, I'm going to start a spending plan. I'm going to sit down and I'm going to make my spending plan, and my goal is to stick to it.

I'm going to stick to a plan. Good job. So come up with some goals here, right?

And short-term goals, if you have zero money in your savings account, maybe your first goal is $100. I remember right now the first time I got $100 back into my savings account.

And I know $100 may not seem like much to you, but I had spent everything I had. It took everything to pay for my divorce, to pay to move me and my kids into a new house. I had spent everything.

I had nothing in my savings account, and maybe $70 in my checking account. I had nothing. I had spent it all.

So, you know, and bills keep coming in. I know you know this. So when I had an extra $100 that I could set aside into savings, that was a big deal to me.

Big deal. But it wasn't where I wanted to stay. I wanted to get more, and I did.

But that first $100 felt good to me. So it doesn't matter what your goal is. It doesn't matter where you're starting in the line.

It just matters that you start, right? It matters that you set a goal and you work towards it. So what are your financial goals?

And write some down. Take the time. Each of these areas, write it down.

What is your goal? So we've pretty much followed the focus areas up till now. We need a spiritual health goal, a mental health goal, a physical health goal, a financial health goal.

So the last section is goals. So what are we going to do here? And I'm going to add two other goal areas.

So we'll have a total of six goals we're writing down. And the fifth area that I want you to have a goal in is your career. You spend a lot of time working, right?

I mean, that's a big chunk of our life. So what are your goals in that area? Do you want to move up?

Do you want to move to a different job? Do you want to make money doing something completely different? Do you want to stay in your industry but work for a different company?

What do you want? And being happy with the way you make money is really important because you're going to spend a lot of time doing it. And this money helps fund your other goals, right?

So it matters that you have goals here. It matters that you find a way to be happy, even if it's not... Some people will just never love their job, but what can you do to make it better?

And if you're in an industry and you're like, I want to stay in this industry, maybe your goal is I'm going to stay current in the news that affects my industry. And that was me. I do marketing, and I've worked for different companies.

And so marketing, especially some of the things that I did, there were some areas where I could read a book, a book that other people have written, and gain insight.

But a lot of what I did, online advertising, things like that, those practices change pretty frequently, right? Because Google updates their search engine procedures, social media updates, you know, their online advertising procedures.

So subscribing to an industry newsletter was what I needed. So reading a newsletter sometimes once a week is really going to keep you ahead of the curve in your job, right?

So if you're in an industry you really like, maybe that is a good goal for your job, because you're going to have conversations with people, you're going to talk to others, and when you can speak knowledgeably about your industry and your current on

the new things that are happening, that's going to help you out overall, right? So it's also something that the majority of people don't take the time to do. So it's going to put you ahead of the majority of your colleagues, right?

So taking the time to stay current on the news and events in your industry is a good goal to have. So that's a possibility. But maybe you want to do something totally different.

Well, I don't like my job. I want to do real estate. A lot of people pick up real estate as a second or third career.

What do you need to do to transition to real estate? Well, you have to get your license first. So maybe you got to look up what that entails.

How much does it cost? What kind of fees are involved? What kind of money are you going to have to help you transition and step from one to another?

Because real estate is commission, solely commission based. So like understanding those things. Maybe you want to be a nurse.

So it means going back to school for a while and picking up a new thing. What do you want to do?

So maybe your goal, if that's more your mind set, is to take some time to research all the details of what it would take to transition to this new career. And what does that new career look like? And how would that be?

So maybe your goal is just research, right? Maybe, I like my industry, but I really want to move to this other company. This other company seems way, way better.

They seem to offer more benefits. They're really good to their employees. I want to work for this company.

So maybe that means get to know the people that work there, right? That means networking with them more. Whatever it is, come up with some career goals.

The other thing it could be, maybe you really like your job, but you're still not making enough money. Maybe you need a side hustle. So maybe your research isn't transitioning to a new career.

It's research and side hustles. They're all the rage these days. It seems like everybody's got a side hustle.

What ones would work for you? What ones are legitimate and seem like something that would fit your personality type? So maybe research that.

There are lots of options, but take the time to come up with a goal, or maybe two, that revolve around how you make money, because that's going to affect you long term, right? Because you got to work, you spend a lot of time working.

So finding a way to maximize that and maximize the time you spend there and succeed at that and feel good about that is really, really important, okay? And then the last goal area that I want to talk about, goal number six, is personal.

And what I mean by that is all of our other goals have focused on something else, like your spiritual health, your mental health, and your mental health is you.

But finance, your physical health, your career, this goal is what have you always wanted to do. When you were a little girl, what did you dream about? When you were a young adult, what did you think?

Before life happened and certain things changed your dreams, and reality set in, what made you happy? What did you like to do? I want you to set some goals that just make your heart happy, that some people like to bake.

Oh, my word, there are these people that bake, and I am so impressed by the bakers out there. High five. Please send me samples.

People were really good at that, and the cookie decorating and baking the cakes or baking the bread. Some people, that soothes their soul just to get in the kitchen and bake. Maybe that's she.

For me, I love to write. I love to write. When I was a kid, I would have told you for years and years, I want to be a writer.

When I grow up, I want to be a writer. When I was in college, I want to be a writer. So when I went through my divorce and it was hard, I had to pick up a pen again, and I had to sit down and write again.

And it wasn't beautiful, and it wasn't pretty, and it wasn't poignant, it didn't matter. It fed my soul to write words again, and I needed to do that, right?

And I have a dear friend, she paints, and she would have never called herself an artist, but as she's been going through the grieving process, she paints beautiful things, and she had to pick up some art supplies and reimagine and refine that inner

child inside of her that can paint beautiful things. What is your thing? What is it? What is going to feed your soul, right?

And set a goal for yourself that you start doing that more often. That, I think, is vital not only to our mental health, but to our overall well-being. Like, what makes us just happy?

So figure that out. And maybe you focused on other things for a really long time, and you've kind of forgotten, but get back to that and figure out what makes you happy.

And the other thing, kind of, goals I want you to write here are, what have you always wanted to do? Have you always wanted to go skydiving? Have you always wanted to travel somewhere?

I wanted to go to Italy. That was my big thing. Do you want to learn to scuba dive?

These are things that I did, and they were things that had been on my list for a while, and I was so happy that I made them a priority and set a goal and took time in the steps to be able to do those things.

So what is something you've always wanted to do? And you may not be able to do it in the snap of a finger.

It may take planning and preparation, but put some goals out there that you know you've always wanted to do and put them back in front of yourself and remind yourself that there are good things and you can get this and you can do this, and you're

worth it. So number six just is about you and what makes you happy and setting goals to prioritize that and prioritize the things that feed you internally, right? Because when I write, it feeds me internally.

When my friend paints, I can tell it feeds her internally. I have another friend who bakes, and they post pictures of this beautiful bread that they have made, and you can tell, it just makes them so happy. Make time for that.

Set a goal. It matters. It's so important.

Set time for the things that feed your soul. And then dream. Let yourself dream.

Where do you want to go? What do you want to do? Write it down.

Write these goals down, these six areas. So if you want to write them down, I'll say them again. So we have goals for spiritual health, mental health, physical health, financial health, for our career, and just personal goals.

And if you can come up with one thing for each area, you're doing good. Because six is a lot. And they don't all have to be big, big goals.

We're not running marathons. We're doing a little bit. I'm listening to Christian music.

Simple things. The finance might take a couple goals. There's a couple of them that can take more than one goal.

I get that. But this is doable. You can do hard things.

Beautiful girl. You can do hard things. Set some goals, and then write them down.

And the last thing I'm going to tell you is where you write your goals down. I personally had this little notebook that I kept in my desk at work. It wasn't very big.

And I had goals in it. But then I started writing down every time I achieved something that I thought was hard, whether it was a goal that had been written down or sometimes it wasn't a goal that had been written down.

It was just something that I knew intimidated me, and I handled it. And I encourage you to do that. So write your goals and write your achievements down.

Goals, achievements. What do achievements look like? I saved my first $100.

And my savings account. Achievements looked like I drove over this mountain that really intimidated me. So Smoky Mountain National Park is really steep.

So going up wasn't a problem. There's a lot of hairpin turns too. But going down, it's so steep.

And I knew because I had written it several times we vacationed there as a kid. I took my kids there. Then when I was divorced, I wanted to take my kids on vacation.

And this is where we picked to go. And it was the first time I had to drive it. And when you go down the other side of the mountain, it's really, really, really steep.

And the problem is, if you ride your brakes too much, you burn up your brakes.

So when you get to Gatlinburg, as you exit the park, one of the first shops, or at least it used to be, there on the left was a brake shop because you could smell people's brakes going down the mountain. And I didn't want to do that.

So I knew I had to put it, not neutral, but like a lower gear. I knew, like I had been told all these things, but I'd never done it. And so it really intimidated me.

And I can get intimidated about driving in general. Long story. So when I did that, and we got back from that vacation, I wrote that down on my accomplishments.

It wasn't a goal, but I wrote that down because I was really, really happy that I had done that. I felt like I had conquered something. So anytime you achieve one of your goals, anytime you feel like you've conquered something, write that down.

Why are you writing it down? Why would you do that? Let me tell you why.

Because you're going to have hard days. You're going through a dark night of the soul. You can have good days, but you're going to have bad days, right?

And so when you have a bad day, you're going to pull that out, and you're going to read over the things you've accomplished. And maybe you're a little bit further down the road. So when I read over my book, I had $1,000 in my savings account, right?

But I remembered and I read when I had $100 in my savings account, and it encouraged me. I started so small. Look how far I've come.

All the different things. I remembered. I wrote it down.

All my accomplishments along the way. Every time I did something hard, and I did it, I wrote it down. I think I tend to be an encourager.

It's my personality. My job, marketing, I feel like is big time encouragement. You're encouraging the company.

You're promoting and being a cheerleader for the company to other people, right? But sometimes when we're encouragers, we don't always have somebody to encourage us.

And if you're going through the loss of a main relationship in your life, you might not have somebody to encourage you. When you write down your achievements and your accomplishments, you're encouraging yourself.

And when you have a hard day and you read back over what you have done, that's beautiful. That encourages yourself, right? So you're setting yourself up to be your own encourager because you're going to need that.

Sometimes that's just the way that works. And you've got to read back over and remind yourself, I did do that. I conquered my mountain.

I can save my money. I can do hard things.

And right now, it feels hard and overwhelming, but I'm going to read back and I'm going to look at what my goals are, and I'm going to remember what I have accomplished and what I have achieved because I can do this.

So write down your achievements along with your goals. So you're keeping track of your goals, and you're writing down your achievements. It matters.

It matters to be able to encourage yourself. I read back over that, and it makes my heart happy because I saw where I started, and I watched myself progress. And I didn't write in it every day.

I sometimes didn't write in it once a month. I just wrote in it when I felt like I had achieved something that was hard or intimidating for me. I wrote it down.

And to watch that journey, my own personal journey, in that little notebook, was just very, very helpful to me to remind myself, yes, I can do this. I can be the little engine that could. I think I can.

I think I can. And when you read it, you know you can, because you've done it before. You did it in the past.

You can do this today. Super, super important. Please, please, please write it down.

Write down your goals. Write down your accomplishments. You won't regret it.

Thank you so much for joining me today. I am so glad you're on this journey. I'm really proud of you.

And I'll see you next time.