Sleep

Getting a good nights sleep can be challenging - especially when we are going through a difficult season.  On this podcast I list a few different ideas that might help you finally get that elusive good nights sleep.

Transcript

Hi, my name is Tiffany, and welcome to the podcast Working on Amazing. This is a podcast where we talk about the work that it takes to rebuild an amazing life.

And I use that word rebuild because we're specifically designed for women who feel like they're starting over in the middle of their life. A few things could lead you to that place where it feels like you're starting over. For me, it was divorce.

For my sister, it was the death of her husband. It can be a few different things, but I think what really the essence of it is, is when all your plans, all your hopes, all your dreams, everything for the future has gone up and spoke.

Your life is topsy-turvy. Maybe where you live has changed. Everything is different, and it really feels like you're starting over.

If that's you, I want to say I'm truly sorry. I know what it feels like, and it does not feel good. However, there is hope.

It gets better. It really does. You are in the right place.

You are not alone. Welcome. I am so, so glad you're here.

So let's get down to today's episode. If you'll remember, I said every episode was going to fall under one of five categories. I focused on five things when I rebuild my life.

I focused on my spiritual health, my mental health, my physical health, my financial health, and growth and goals. So today's episode is going to fall under physical health, and we're going to talk about sleep.

I know that sounds kind of odd, like to do a podcast based on sleep.

But when you're going through this major transition in your life, a dark night of the soul, one thing I noticed that most people have in common when they're going through this journey in this season in their life is they have a lot of trouble

sleeping. And if you have trouble sleeping, it's going to affect every area of your life, right?

You're going to be tired, you're going to be cranky, it's going to affect your mental health, it's going to affect your physical health, it's going to affect a lot of areas of your life.

And have you ever been where you've been throughout the day, and you're like, I'm so tired, I'm so tired, and you go to lay down at night, and you can't sleep? I know what that's like.

Either our brain is running through scenarios of why we're in this situation, we're replaying conversations and events. It's also hard, I think, because we're used to having somebody in the bed with us, and now we have to get used to sleeping alone.

I had been married for 20 years. Sleeping in the bed alone felt really strange to me. So recalibrating ourself to a good sleep schedule is really, really important.

I'll say that leading up to my divorce, my doctor had put me on Lunesta to help me sleep. Ambien doesn't work for me, so I did have a prescription sleep medication. However, when I got divorced, I lost my insurance.

I had no insurance, no health care, so I couldn't keep up my prescription. So all the things I'm going to talk about today are things that you can do. You don't need a prescription for it.

It's something that you can try. Now, I do have a lot of options and ideas, so you could try a few different things and see what works for you.

I don't think you'll use all of these ideas, but if just one or two really is that thing that helps you get a good night's sleep, it's worth it, right?

So, I'm going to cover several different things of ideas and things that you can use to help you get a better night's sleep. So, the next day, you can wake up feeling refreshed and ready to tackle the day.

When we're going through a really, really dark time, sleep is just elusive. It's like we're always tired, but real good sleep just is hard to find, okay? And I think most people can relate to that.

They've been through a season where just sleep is a struggle, and sleep was such, such a struggle for me. So, let's talk about this list of ideas. Let's start going through them and see if maybe something will work for you.

So, the first thing that I tried when I started sleeping alone again was a weighted blanket. And, oh my word, that made a big difference.

I thought if anybody ever came up with divorce care baskets, like you have a friend who's going through a divorce, and I want to send them a basket, I thought they always need to have a weighted blanket.

Like a weighted blanket is just, I don't know, it doesn't replace the feeling of somebody being in the bed with you, but it gives you that overall pressure. You're not as likely to toss and turn as much.

All I can equate it to, and I don't know if this is true, because I am no doctor, but I know we swaddle babies and keep them tight, and they like that, I guess.

And then like for your dog, there's something called a thunder vest, and it's a compression shirt that you put on them, so, you know, when they get scared of lightning and thunder, stuff like that, and that compression helps make them feel safe and

secure. So babies and dogs, we know this works with. So weighted blanket doesn't necessarily have that compression, but it has that weight. It really, it was the first thing I tried that made a big difference.

Most weighted blankets are twin size, which if you're sleeping alone, even though I had a king size bed, I used a twin size weighted blanket. Nobody was sleeping on the other side, it didn't matter.

It made a difference, and they're not too expensive. It might be worth trying for you. I had a friend who just piled up a bunch of blankets and slept under them, and that weight made them feel good.

That might work in the winter time, but in the summer, a weighted blanket is going to breathe better because it's got those little beads in it. It might breathe a little better.

I could use a weighted blanket in the summer, but I couldn't use a big stack of blankets during the summer. So weighted blanket was really good. Now, in this category, I will say that I did get a body pillow.

I thought a body pillow would help. And it was okay. I would wedge it behind my back.

Like if I was a side, I am a side sleeper. But I would put it kind of under behind my back, and that felt very comforting. The problem is, I do toss and turn.

And so when I turned in, I guess you can hug the body pillow. Some people really, really like a body pillow. Overall, I ended up taking it off my bed and not using it long term.

The weighted blanket, I used long term. So you can try a body pillow. They're not expensive.

You can pick one up at Walmart, you know, pretty cheap. It's an option. It's something to think about.

But the weighted blanket, I really highly recommend. It really made a big difference for me. The second tip I have is gonna be a little bit difficult for some people.

You gotta turn off your phone. We have this habit of scrolling through our phone. We can't sleep, we pick up our phone.

And it gives you something to do, but it makes sleep harder. It doesn't help get you to where you can actually sleep. I have heard that part of our addictions to phone come from like a dopamine addiction.

So we're scrolling through, and we're trying to find that thing that's like, oh, that's funny, that meme is cute, or, oh, that's really interesting. And we scroll and we scroll, and we're looking for that oh thing, right?

And our brain is searching for that. And dopamine, it's not gonna help you sleep, okay? I know, I know, it's hard.

So this is my suggestion. You need to set up, do not disturb, times on your phone. You can go into your phone.

I set mine from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m. You can say, this person can call me or text me.

You know, certain people in your contacts, you can approve for them to come through even in the do not disturb time.

But as a whole, your phone isn't going to show you notifications from social media, all these other notifications, it's gonna be turned off, right? You need to set a time for yourself and set the phone down. You really do.

And it's hard, and it's like I said, it seems counterintuitive. If you can't sleep, you want something to do. And in that case, I would suggest a book with pages.

There's a lot of great self-help books out there that you can read. If you're a Christian, pick up the Bible. You're either going to learn something or you're going to help yourself fall asleep.

Pick up a book with pages. That is fine. If after 10 o'clock, you put your phone down and you cannot sleep, pick up a book.

But starting this sleep habit of saying, my sleep is important, I will not use my phone between these, this time frame. And literally shutting off the notifications is important.

I did it because a job I had, and I worked in marketing, and I had got a lot of notifications from social media, and my phone would ding a lot.

So it was really important for me to shut off all those notifications because then it's like, well, is that a text from somebody important?

Well, is that a, you know, you're just like, and your mind's like, well, maybe, and then you kind of pick it up and look at it. Oh, that's just, that's not that big of a deal. You put it back down.

If you put all those on silent, because your phone is set up for do not disturb, that's going to help you a lot. And I know it's a hard habit to break. I'm here with much empathy.

I understand, I know how hard it is. I look at my phone too much. But when you prioritize sleep and you say this matters, I am not going to look at my phone between these hours.

It may take time, but your body will start to realize, no, this is sleep time. Your brain will accept, I cannot chase dopamine during this time. It will help, it really does.

It's a tough habit to break, but it's worth it. It's kind of like chips. I use that because I really like chips.

So eating a bag of chips tastes good. It satisfies that hunger, that itch of wanting something crunchy and salty. But we know they're not healthy, they're not good long term, right?

And so sometimes scrolling through your phone, yeah, it scratches that itch temporarily, but long term, it's not going to help your sleep health, okay?

So highly recommend having hours where you don't look at your phone, where you shut it down and you don't look at it. All right, next tip for a good night's sleep, and this is not maybe every night, but I'm a huge believer in taking a bath.

I believe you put a warm bath just like soothes my soul in a way that is hard to explain. I love Dr. Teals.

So put some salt in there, whether you use the magnesium flakes or the epsom salts, or Dr. Teals is like my jam. Put a good chunk of that in your tub.

From what I have heard, your body needs magnesium. Most people are magnesium deficient, and you absorb magnesium the best through your skin. So soaking in a tub is actually a way to take vitamins, magnesium, and you need that.

And magnesium overall helps calm you down. It helps your muscles relax. That's why athletes, after a big workout or a long run, will soak in epsom salts, because it helps their muscles relax and recover, okay?

So if you really need to get sleep, I would suggest a bath. And I think the way you set the stage for a bath really matters, especially if you're trying to get good sleep.

So I would turn all the lights down low, or turn them off and just light a few candles. I take a bath by candlelight. It's just really, really relaxing.

Maybe put on some very soft music, and just sit there and unwind. And I would say, soak for at least 20 minutes. Don't make the water too hot, but don't make it too cold.

And just enjoy. I have so many things for the bath. I get these really cool bath bombs.

I always have bath salts sitting by the tub. To me, a bath is a good way to relax. But I understand not everybody's a bath person, but I have to put that out there, because a bath just soothes my soul in a way that's hard to explain.

Now, I understand that you can't get a bath every night, that that just doesn't always work out. My next tip is kind of similar but different, and that's getting that magnesium spray. So you can get a bottle of magnesium spray.

I bought some off Amazon. I think it was $7. And I looked for one with a really high percentage of magnesium in it, and I spray the bottom of my feet.

I do like five or six sprays on each foot. And I do it right before I go to bed. I don't want to walk around and rub it off.

So my last trip to the bathroom, I get in bed, I spray my feet. That makes a really big difference to me. I'm somebody who tosses and turns a lot at night.

If I can't sleep, I flip-flop. My legs move. I can't just sit still.

When I put the magnesium spray on my feet, my legs don't move as much. They're just, like, set. And it helps me sleep because I don't feel that urgency to move as much and toss and turn.

So I feel like the magnesium spray, if you can't get a bath and sit and do all that, the magnesium spray is a really, really good thing to try. I've heard great things about magnesium.

People say that it helps with headaches and migraines, different things. But once again, it's absorbing through your skin, which is important.

I have heard it said, now I am no doctor, but I've read this statistic that most people are magnesium deficient. So spraying that on your feet not only will help you get good sleep, but it will help your body absorb some much needed magnesium.

So that's a good one. Okay, my next tip may or may not be for everybody, and it may seem counterintuitive because I said turn your phone off. But I also know some people need to have background noise.

So what kind of background noise can you have? When I first moved in to my house with me and my two kids, it just felt so weird. I was in this big bed by myself.

I felt so responsible, like if something horrible were to happen, it was just me and the kids, and I would have to take care of everything. Like that feeling of responsibility felt very overwhelming.

So what I did for a short period of time, I had a TV in my room, and I went to the YouTube channel for Bob Ross and the Joy of Painting. And his voice was very soothing to me, but I wasn't watching the episodes.

I probably watched them enough in my childhood, on sick days home from school. But I really liked his voice, and like I said, it didn't need my attention. There was no drama, no storyline to follow.

So I would turn on Bob Ross and the Joy of Painting, kind of down low, and I could have that in the background. That helped there be that background noise. Some people use a white noise machine.

My oldest daughter has to have bird noises, like rainforest sounds or something. I don't like that one, but she cannot sleep without it, and she has an app, and she'll play that. Like I said, could try white noise.

Another one I really like is George Winston is a pianist, and I used to always sleep to his album Summer. Beautiful, just piano music. I loved it, loved, loved it.

And it was the sound for sleep for me for a while. So if you need background noise, that may work for you, like kind of like white noise, where you're drowning out all the other little sounds that may or may not come up in the house.

And like I said, when I moved in to the house that I moved into after my divorce, it just felt like, it just felt new, and it felt strange. And the idea of having something on the TV that has white noise was soothing for me.

I didn't use it long term, but in a season, it really helped and made a difference, was very soothing. So you might think about something like that, but you're not scrolling through a phone, you're not getting that dopamine hit.

So it is still in a different category, even though it's an electronic device going on. Okay, another option, let's say you say, I'm going to try to go to sleep at 10, you read, you lay there, you stare at the ceiling, you cannot sleep.

So you say, okay, 11 o'clock is here, I'm going to get up and I'm going to make myself some chamomile tea.

I know we've all heard about chamomile tea and sleepy time tea, but if I really can't sleep at night, I will set a time, and I'll say, if I am still awake at such and such a time, I'll get up and I'll make some tea.

And I don't do it now, my sleep cycle is way better. But I would use to pour either coffee creamer, which I know coffee creamers non-dairy, or half and half, or a little bit of milk.

But warm milk also soothes your stomach, like baby's warm milk helps you go to sleep. So the chamomile tea with the milk in it, that's warm, warm up your milk, really works.

I would, there was a time in my life, I would just warm up milk and put coffee creamer or honey in it. But chamomile tea, warm milk, something like that.

So get up, get out of bed, make yourself some warm milk, some chamomile tea, something like that, and just sit in a low lit or dark room. Like I kind of like to sit in a dark room that's comforting and soothing to me.

But don't turn on all the lights, I guess is what I'm saying. Keep, you know, the low lights on. So you can see, but, and sit and drink your tea or your warm milk and see if that makes a difference.

That may help, and then try to go back to sleep. What other things? Okay, here's another idea.

I recommend it. It may not be for you, everybody's different. I like to write, I like to pick up a pen and write.

So if you're really struggling when you lay down at night with your thoughts just running wild, like, I cannot shut my mind off, right? Get a journal. I so recommend this.

And I've talked before about how important it is to do gratitude. So write your things you're grateful for, right? Three things, at least three things.

But then do something called thought dumping. Put all your thoughts, all the thoughts in your head, I don't care how random they are, I don't care how, you know, that conversation I had with so-and-so, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. My toe hurts.

This is how I feel today. I think I want to make spaghetti for dinner tomorrow night. Whatever random thoughts, put as many of them down as you can.

The practice of just writing them down, that helps soothe your mind. Because I think our mind just keeps replaying it, like we're going to forget it, or we're going to whatever, or we're trying to figure it out.

If you write it down, then your mind knows, okay, well, it's written down, and I can let it go. Thought dumping works for some people, when they're very anxious, when they have a lot going on. I would highly recommend keeping a journal by your bed.

Not everybody is a journaler, but if you say, at 10 o'clock, my phone goes off, and then you sit down, and you write the things you're thankful for, and you write out all your thoughts in your head, and try to dump them all out, and you just think of

it like a box of blocks, or toys, or the junk drawer, and you just dump it all out on the paper. It doesn't matter what it is, you're just getting it all out.

You're not trying to be creative, you're not trying to be artistic, you're just trying to get all the thoughts in all the places out of your head and onto the paper. And somehow, in your mind, it's like, well, that's taken care of, I can let that go.

It's worth trying. A notebook is really cheap, and you probably already have a pen. So, that is something that works for a lot of people.

If you do that before you go to bed, especially if you have trouble with a lot of thoughts and not being able to get your mind to just stop. All right.

Another technique that you can try, you're laying in bed, you're trying to go to sleep, you can try a breathing technique. A lot of people recommend this breathing technique. I used it for a while.

It's called 478. That means you breathe in for the count of four, you hold it for a count of seven, and you exhale for a count of eight. Okay.

Breathe in for a count of four, hold it for a count of seven, breathe out for a count of eight. It's called 478.

Why I think this technique helps you go to sleep is because if you're busy counting, one, two, three, four, okay, hold it, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, you're counting.

Your mind isn't thinking about conversations you had earlier in the day. Your mind isn't replaying weird scenarios and what you want to tell somebody the next time you see them that you probably won't ever see them again.

All that kind of stuff, your mind can't get caught up in that. You've given your mind a track to follow that's really simplistic. Breathing, I think breathing exercises are great anyway.

I like breathing exercises. I did theater, so we did some breathing exercises. They can be very relaxing.

They help too with projection and your diaphragm and all that. But breathing exercises, I feel like are good. It helps your lung capacity.

In this case, breathing in, hold it, breathing out. In that cycle, some people do square, or triangle breathing. You breathe in for this amount of time.

You hold it for this amount of time. You breathe out for this amount of time. They call it triangle breathing.

It really does work. It really does help because your mind is so busy counting and it's such a mundane thing that you don't have time to think about all the other stress that's going on in your life.

You don't have time to think about how you're going to pay that bill because you're not going to solve that tonight. Tonight, you need sleep so you can solve it tomorrow. Breathing, really, really, I feel like, can help a lot.

So I recommend at least trying that. It doesn't cost anything. When you're laying in bed, staring at the ceiling, try that.

Four, seven, eight. In for four, hold it for a count of seven, out for a count of eight. Try that.

I think it works. I don't still use that today, but I did when I was really struggling with sleep. And like I said, I really felt like it worked because my mind was busy counting instead of going down all these other rabbit holes.

And that, to me, was a big benefit. Okay, the last technique I'm going to give you to try is kind of funny. You'll be able to look it up on the line, and it's called the Drunken Monkey exercise.

So if you Google this, I would say Drunken Monkey for bed, before bed, or something like that. Or you're going to, if you just do Drunken Monkey, you'll probably get a bunch of bars or some movies.

But if you type in Drunken Monkey before bed, you'll actually see it. But it's where you kind of have a wide stance. You're standing up, and you do your feet apart kind of wide, and you move your hips back and forth.

And so your knees are kind of going, and bending back and forth, right? So you're kind of swaying with a wide stance, and then you get your arms going in circular motions.

And you do that, and they say it looks like a drunken monkey, and that's why it's called that. But you can watch, I think there are TikToks and YouTube videos.

The idea, I think, behind it is it gets the blood flow into your extremities, and that helps you sleep better. I don't know. It's definitely worth a try.

Once again, it's free, it's simple, it's easy to do. You could try that. Super, super simple, easy thing to do, why not?

A lot of people recommend that that is now what they do every night before they go to bed, and it just helps them fall right asleep. These are my tips for going to sleep. What are your tips?

What unusual sleep thing do you use? What helps you get a good night's sleep? I would love to hear what you have to say and what works for you.

Look me up, I'm on Facebook, Working on Amazing, or you can find me on the Internet, workingonamazing.com. Drop me a line, tell me how you get to sleep, when you really struggle with sleep, what do you do? What helps you get a good night's sleep?

I would love to hear from you. Thank you for joining me today. I look forward to hearing from you next time.

Bye.