5. Shake Off the 'Dirt' in Your Life: Using our Past for Good.

This episode of Courageous Retirement challenges that notion that retirement is the time to coast through the rest of your life with a conversation between host Vona Johnson and guest Michael Arterberry, an author, and inspirational coach. 

Michael shares his story and philosophy on overcoming past trauma and making a lasting impact in the world. He emphasizes the importance of addressing your past, shaking off negativity, and using your experiences to guide and support others, particularly youth. Michael shares a powerful story about a farmer and a donkey, symbolizing the importance of overcoming life's challenges. Tune in for insights, encouragement, and actionable steps to live a life full of purpose, regardless of your age or past experiences.

00:00 Introduction and Guest Overview

00:43 Facing Retirement Fears

01:02 Michael Arterberry's Inspirational Journey

04:14 The Donkey in the Well Story

07:41 Lessons from the Donkey Story

10:06 Impact of Sharing Personal Stories

13:49 Encouraging Volunteer Work

23:19 The Power of Genuine Love

28:06 Invitation to Connect and Reflect

29:39 Final Thoughts and Contact Information

Quotes from the show

"And I'm a firm believer that if you don't shake your dirt, it will bury you, suffocate you, and kill you just like it would do the donkey." Michael Arterberry

"So we have to learn and understand that we're not only accountable to God or ourselves, but you not pushing to live in your purpose prevents others  from getting what they want." Michael Arterberry

"When you work with young people, your motive motives have to be pure. And then once you get around them, you have to be transparent. They're so smart...what they, truly love is an adult that is willing to spend time with them, but not hide behind a mask... I'm shocked about are the times where I leave an interaction with a young person and they've taught me something. The teacher can never stop being the student." Michael Arterberry

"It's in the imperfections and in the mistakes that we make along the way that others can learn from our lives." Vona Johnson

"Short term thinkers plant gardens. Long term thinkers plant trees. Eternity minded thinkers plant themselves in the souls of others." Michael Arterberry

Contact Michael:
https://www.michaelarterberry.com/
https://youthvoicescenter.org/

Contact Vona:
vonajohnson.com or vona@vonajohnson.com

Schedule a Your Path to More Call with Vona

Thank you for stopping by today! Remember to Engage Your Faith and Live Your More!

To watch the video, check out my YouTube Channel!

Learn more about the show, author Vona Johnson, and more at CourageousRetirement.com!

Transcript

0:00

As a Christian at or near retirement, you may be thinking that you can now coast through the end of your life. If you been listening very long, you know that's not what this podcast is all about. In today's episode, I'm going to have a conversation with a guest, Michael Arterberry who is an author and an inspirational coach, a master of encouragement. And we're going to shift your perspective on how you can make an impact on the world, regardless of what your past may or may not look like. I really hope you'll join us and please stay to the end where Michael is going to share a tip that is going to change the way that you look at every interaction you have with others. Do you fear what lies beyond retirement? What if it's a gateway to a life filled with purpose, meaning, and adventure rather than an end? Discover peace and fulfillment as you boldly enter this new chapter in Courageous Retirement, a Christian podcast. I'm your host, author and coach, Vanna Johnson. Let's get started.

Vona Johnson: 1:02

I want our conversation to encourage people to realize the impact that we can have when we reach young people when they're struggling with who they are and what they want to do, if we can have an impact and draw them closer to what God wants them to do and not let the world snatch them away before, you know, before they get entrenched into all the things they shouldn't be doing. I mean, I, I'm assuming that's your part of your message, right?

Michael Aterberry: 1:27

Yes. Yes. Yes. You know, both, both with young people and adults, you know I find that And I've written a piece where, you know, the little boy and the little girl in the woman and the man of today, sometimes they haven't passed on, they haven't been able to develop and leave it and I think one of the biggest issues is not dealing with your past appropriately.

Vona Johnson: 1:58

Right.

Michael Aterberry: 1:58

And when you don't deal with your past appropriately, it becomes the catalyst and the engine of what generates the present. And so when I'm speaking to a young person, my strategy and my thought is to start to get them to think of the nature and the dysfunction, if there is any, of what they're thinking, because I'm letting them know as a 56 year old man that if they don't get that together, what it looks like once they become an adult. And then when I'm speaking to an adult, we just. Walk back through the steps, you know, and I feel like, you know, I, I had a tumultuous upbringing, I was able to overcome it, but my therapy and the way I, I feel as if I'm able to overcome it is, or was, was able to do so first and foremost was, you know, it is God, but at the same time, it's because I speak of it every day. Every day I go to work, part of my job is giving my testimony of what I went through in my life. So that toxic and that those things that are in my head, I constantly get rid of them. Whereas others, if they don't get rid of it, it, it, it really can, you know, become something that blocks, you know you know, I'm a firm believer that when you're hurt tremendously, you know, you put a callous over your heart and you don't allow other love or things to get in, but then the joy and all the others is not able to come as well. And so you have to be very careful of, of how you maneuver and, and, and how you, you know, deal with the past.

Vona Johnson: 4:03

So when, when we talk about, let's, let's take a step back and talk a little bit about, I, I remember the story that you shared with me the last

Michael Aterberry: 4:14

time. The farm and the donkey.

Vona Johnson: 4:17

Yeah, yeah. And, You know, I, I think I can easily point people back to the episode, but I at least want to give them a flavor of that because it's so important for people to realize that that's, we can do that. We can literally just let things go and, and, and move on. And I don't, not everybody learns what that looks like. So do you want to. Maybe let's start with the story, or at least part of it. All right.

Michael Aterberry: 4:46

All right. So yes you know, it's, it's about a farmer and a donkey. And this donkey is one of his favorite farm animals because once he finished, finishes working with the donkey on the field, he brings the donkey back home and he allows the donkey to play with his kids. So the donkey is a work animal slash pet. And one day he brings the donkey home, and the kids finish playing with him, and then he releases the donkey out in the farm. And during the night, as the donkey's wandering, he falls into an empty water well. So the farmer comes out the next morning, and he's, you know, whistling for his donkey. He doesn't show up. He calls his name. He doesn't show up. And so He starts walking around the farm and he finally hears him making noises at the bottom of the well. So he walks over to the well, he looks down, he's like, how am I going to get my donkey out? So he goes to get six of his friends. And they're like, you know, how are we going to get him out? And one of the friends suggested that they get some rope. So they're going to pull the donkey out of the well. And so all of them get rope and they start to lasso the donkey. Throw the rope. They miss. Throw the rope. They miss. They finally throw it by his hind legs. He steps into the rope. They shimmy it up his body and they start to pull. They pull the donkey moves, they pull the donkey moves, they pull the donkey moves and halfway up the well they realize that the donkey's too heavy. So when they realize he's too heavy, they lower him back to the bottom of the well. And now that farmer has to make a grim decision. He can't feed him food at the bottom of the well because that wouldn't make any sense. He can't starve him because starving him, you know, it's, it's more like his pet, you know, and then one of his hotheaded friends was like, Hey, just shoot him. He's like, no, I can't do that. So one of his more reasonable friends said, listen, you don't want your kids to fall into the well. So what we're going to do is we're going to cover him with dirt. So your kids will be safe, but you're going to have to sacrifice your donkey. And so all six of them got shovels, and they started shoveling dirt. And every time the dirt hit the donkey, the donkey would scream. Every time the donkey would scream, it would cause the farmer some distress. So you got dirt, scream, dirt, scream. Then all of a sudden the scream stopped. When the screams stopped, they gave the donkey a moment of silence, but all six of them went back to work. More dirt. More dirt. More dirt. The next thing you know, you see the donkey's right ear. They're amazed. They start shoveling faster. The next thing you know, they see half his body. They start shoveling faster. The next thing you know, that donkey walks right out of the well that he fell into. Now the moral of the story is this is every time the dirt came across the wall, it would fall on the donkey's back. He would shake it off and he would step on it. And he he took every scoop of dirt that was meant to kill him to save his life. And that is been my philosophy. It is what I teach. And I'm a firm believer that if you don't shake your dirt, it will bury you, suffocate you, and kill you just like it would do the donkey.

Vona Johnson: 8:15

Yeah. Yeah. And, and truly that's, that is valid for us at any age. Yeah. I mean, I know you work with kids, but there are so many of us that I, I might be a little older than you, but so many of us at our age, who once we learn to shake off that dirt and realize that those are the things that build our character and make us stronger, that, that's when real life begins, right?

Michael Aterberry: 8:46

Yeah, it does. It's a freedom. It's a freedom. And you know, what's nice is, when I'm speaking to the youth, when you say dirt, you don't have to specify. So what happens is when you start to have the conversation of dirt, If a young person has been molested, if they've been abused, they don't have to say that they just call it their dirt. And so it gives you the ability to be able to maneuver and touch something that can be so just traumatic, but at the same time be able to verbalize it. And then it, it, it, it, you, you, The freedom that it gives them because they've identified it allows them to move forward. And the change and in my book that I wrote, there's so many young people that reference back to it. I mean, they're adults, they're in a professional world, but out of our interactions, a lot of good things happen, but you'll hear them say, and I remember when he talked about shaking the dirt. So it's, it's, it's important. Yeah.

Vona Johnson: 10:04

I believe. I mean, there's, there are people out there that have the philosophy that a good God would never let anything bad happen to his people. Right. And you know, that, that, and if that were true, you know, everybody would be healthy, there would be no sickness. There, you know, if you were a believer, you wouldn't be sick. If you were a believer, you wouldn't have any trauma in your life. If you were a believer, you'd be rich. I mean, all of the things. And we know that that's not true because we, he allows those things to draw us closer to him and to, to truly make us stronger and to have a stronger faith. But what the point I'm getting at is I believe that God uses the dirt in our life is just one more piece of a glimpse of what he wants us, what he wants us to take that and help somebody else who's, who's dealing with the same kind of dirt to help them have a better life.

Michael Aterberry: 11:04

Yeah. Yeah. Nope. Nope. Nope. You're right on it. You're right on it. Listen, let me tell you, I've, I've grew up in poverty alcoholic dad, you know, just, just dysfunctional with a capital D. In my adult life, I got hit with a cyst on my spinal cord that took the nerves out of my legs. I'd still fully functional, but when I drive, go for far places, walking, I ride a scooter. But when I stand to speak to an audience, And I think about all those things that I went through, I had to go through them to be at the podium. Right. It is, it, it, it, it is, you know, and, and, and, and I'll tell you this, when you get a fresh perspective on the things that we go through, especially when we connect it to our heavenly father, the enemy peeked into my future and he saw the influence that I was going to have and he turned up the heat. He turned it up, but I stayed close to what I believe. And who I believe in and God has now been able to use me as an instrument because when I tell my story It resonates with many people But again, if I didn't have to go through it then others wouldn't be able to benefit so, you know, you have to go through it and and you you and I had said something before about You know, how people in the workforce or even people that are retired, what does it mean to, to, to share and to push forward through some of those difficult times, you know, in my book, the ripple effect, I speak about how, if you wake up in the morning and you go to put on your shoes, to go out and chase your purpose. And you say, you know what? I'm getting back in the bed. There's people out there that don't get their blessing because you didn't put on your shoes. So we have to learn and understand that we're not only accountable to God or ourselves, but you not pushing to live in your purpose. Prevents others from getting what they want. And if you think about that responsibility, you'll, you'll put on your shoes, you know, you'll put up your shoes and you'll go because, you know, the ripple effect is not you. It's all the others that are not able to receive.

Vona Johnson: 13:50

If someone's listening to this episode and they're thinking, they're, they're going, okay, yeah, I can see where I can use some of my experiences to help youth in my community. What are, what are some things that they might be able to do? I mean, they may not have the exact same background that either one of us do, but what are, what, what are some ideas that we can, some seeds we can plant? Yeah. That might get them to go find a way that they can serve in whatever community they're listening from,

Michael Aterberry: 14:20

right? Right. Volunteer work, you know, I mean If you're in my area, you know, i'm i'm i'm in Connecticut, you know, the best thing is to to volunteer and to give your time, without, you know, the, the, the, not the benefit of, but not getting money, you know and, and motive and motive. You know, I, I think that when you work with young people, Your motive motives have to be pure. And then once you get around them, you have to be transparent. They're so smart. So, you know, and what they, they truly love is an adult that is willing to spend time with them, but not hide behind a mask, you know? So if you're going to come and spend the time, you know, let's, let's, you know, in their terms, let's kick it. Let's, let's, let's sit down. Let's have real conversation. And that's the best way that they can learn and what you'll be shocked and I'm shocked about are the times where I leave an interaction with a young person and they've taught me something, you know, you, you, you, you, you, you, you, you know, the teacher can never stop being the student. You know and so, you know, if you, if you, you know, I, I say I quiet my spirit and I allow the Holy Spirit to speak to me. And I just, I just, I just listen. So yeah, they need to find volunteer opportunities to, to, bridge the gap.

Vona Johnson: 16:06

Yeah. And, and be open and honest, you know, I think sometimes we feel like we need to have this facade that make everybody think that our lives are perfect. And it's in the imperfections and in the mistakes that we make along the way that others can learn from. from our lives, right?

Michael Aterberry: 16:25

Yeah. Well, you know, when I do it in schools, I mandate that there's a minimum of two teachers in my group. And when you say learn from mistakes, and I'm going to give an example on both sides of the table. So sometimes I'll have a teacher in the group who's smart enough to become transparent, to allow a student to realize that once they leave outside the doors, that they're not perfect that they have lives at home. So, you know, they may have a husband that's abusive or, you know, they may have a past that's tainted. And so a student gets to see this person that sits in front of the classroom, in a, in a different light. But I, I have a portion of my group at the end that have them bring an item that means a lot to them at the end of the second day we're together. And a young lady brought a picture. Of her dad holding her as a baby. So we were waiting for this really sweet story. And she says he called me two nights ago and told me he wished he aborted me. Yeah. And so, you know, group of 20, we sit in a circle. It was a blow to us, but that was her personal share. You know, my pain and the way I live is, is the foundation of it is the fact that I felt like I wasn't wanted. Now I'm telling you this because as we're going around the circle, she goes about four people over. You have a teacher. And on his lap he has a picture and you see it white picket fence. It's about to presented about his family. And before this gentleman could even speak, he got up, he went to that girl, he hugged her before he could sit down and speak. He's sobbing. And he said he would never stand in front of a classroom and teach the same again after that experience. And so, you know, yeah, we can learn on both sides of the table, you know, and that man will never teach again the same because he now knows that those 18 students sitting in front of them are not faces, they're people.

Vona Johnson: 18:45

Right, right. You know, it's, kind of interesting because this weekend I had the opportunity to give the eulogy at my aunt's funeral. And she was one of those people, beautiful, beautiful woman. She just, I mean, loved everybody, so generous, all the things. And, and I tried to relay the fact that even though her life, I mean, she had lots of challenges, but she didn't let them get her down. And if you just met her off the street, you would think that her life was perfect. But those of us who knew her well knew that it wasn't and what I loved about her was that she was able to love unconditionally she could look at people in and know that they too had scars Wow. That people can't see. Yes. And, and I think that that's an important lesson for us all to know is that everybody has their scars. Some are deeper than others. Some, some share theirs more than others, but they're all there. And we all have those things that make us feel less than, and there's, there's really only one way to, I mean, other than the people in our lives, you know, knowing that Jesus is with us Finding our value there is really the best way, the only way that we're ever really going to overcome some of those things. Am I right?

Michael Aterberry: 20:15

Yes. Well, we have to keep them in the center, you know and what I do to do that is, is, is before I attack the world, I make sure that he and I spend time. That's every single day, you know, I'm a gym rat. So I work out every morning and I set aside about an hour and a half maybe listening to a few of my spiritual mentors. Some worship music, prayer time, because, you know, bringing him into what I'm about to do, is the best thing that can happen. But at the same time, you know, being able to find balance within myself, you know what I mean? Is always beneficial. And so yes, getting in the word and understanding who He is and who we are. Because of the love that he has for us will will, you know, it allows me to definitely press through different times. But you said something about your aunt, and it's something that people who have a checkered past should remember, is we do detect it. Like your aunt's able to detect it. When I go into a room of 20 teenagers, I can feel the pain from a student before they even open their mouths, you know and, and it's, it's again, part of the gifts and talents that we are given by our heavenly Father. And, and, and I think with finding your purpose is, is, is finding that thing that excites you to that point. And being cognizant of whatever makes you excited and makes you happy. There's a reason for it. It's not just happening. There's a reason for it and you need to take the time to delve into it and, and, and explore it.

Vona Johnson: 22:21

Yeah. Yeah. You know, and I think that sometimes, you know, I, I, I would guess that there are people that might be listening and thinking, well, that's all well and good, but you know, I either don't have any experience working with youth or much less troubled youth. They aren't going to relate to me. I'm, I'm this, this old guy, you know, kind of thing. And I, or old woman, or I'm, you know, there's, there's the gap, the age difference. And I, I, I would like to encourage people to realize that we need people of all ages in our lives. And, And, you know, it's like there's, there's young girls who don't have a father figure in their life. There are young boys who don't have a mother figure in their life. It doesn't matter. We, we can all find a place to, to connect and relate. And, and it's just important to be able to, to get over ourselves and get out there and do that.

Michael Aterberry: 23:19

Right. And, and, and to love on someone, you know, I, I feel That that word is sometimes underestimated. But for someone to be loved genuinely, with not feeling as if they have to give anything back is tremendous. And, you know, my mother in my abusive home loved me so big that she protected me. You know, I, I went through some really rough times, but her love was so big that I didn't feel what I was going through. And so I try to emulate that, with adults and with young people that when I'm around a person, I genuinely want them to feel as if like, wow, this man, you know, and the kids to say it, like, you don't even know me, you know why do you want to be nice to me? And it's, it's, it's the fact that, you know, when you just give, you know, love like that with no conditions to another person it's moving.

Vona Johnson: 24:25

You know, what's, what's coming up for me and I like to talk about difficult conversations and encourage people to have difficult conversations. And what's, what's coming up for me is I talk a lot about truth in love. And right now I feel like our society wants us to walk away from God's truth, because it doesn't fit what our society wants us, you know, wants it to look like. And I know having a daughter in law and a son who have been in the school system for the last many years. There are a lot of kids walking in those hallways who are really challenged by the confusion that comes with society just encouraging them, you know, whether it's gender identity or LGBTQ or, you know, abortion. I mean, you could go, the list could go on and on of the kinds of things that these kids are exposed to and, and struggle with. And when I talk about truth in love, it's including loving those kids right where they are and not judging what they may or may not be believing about themselves or their family or what they're dealing with or whatever. Knowing that there will be a time when the Holy Spirit may nudge us to have a conversation about biblical truth, but we don't lead with that. We lead with love. And I, I just, you know, I feel like that's where the, the, devil really gets Christians confused is because it feels like we have to fix all the problems out there and we have to tell people where, where their sin is and that's not our job. Our job is, I mean, the Holy Spirit may guide us there sometime in a conversation, but you can't do that. Before the relationship is there and the relationship can only be there if if we just accept them

Michael Aterberry: 26:21

Yes. Yes. Oh, that is so important and you know it. When I finally realized that as a Christian it released me of this responsibility to feel the judge is you we know who's going to judge us. So, you know what? I'm I am no one and then knowing yourself in your imperfections. How would I? Look like judging you, you know, and so yeah, I don't, I don't bring and, and, and I'm even up front with them. You know, I tell them I'm a believer. I'm a Christian. Because it's my own nonprofit. I don't have to be as careful. Of what I share because you know who's gonna fire me if you don't want me in your building You know and a lot of people I don't even have to tell them i'm christian They just feel the vibe and they and they know but yes. Yes You know you you love them where they are and then once they feel the love, you know, they'll come with the appropriate questions. And if they never, ever come with the appropriate questions, then, then so be it, you know, so be it. You know, I mean, I think that the, the young generation are, they're, they're hard on each other though. They're hard on each other. So it's nice that they get some refreshing feeling from those who are compassionate or empathetic to their situation.

Vona Johnson: 27:49

Good word, compassion, Because we don't know where people have come from. We don't know what they've experienced. And we will never, we'll never know with most of the people we encounter and shouldn't need to, if we just love the way Christ did.

28:05

Hey there. As you're listening to this, I hope that you are thinking about what God's plan might be for you in your retirement. Whether you're already retired, thinking about retirement or a long ways from retirement, God's got a plan for you and he knows where he is leading you in all of this. But it's not always clear to us as we're walking the path. So today I just want to invite you to hop on a call with me. We're talking a 15 minute call. This is not a sales pitch. This is just a quick conversation to help you get focused on just the next step. About thinking about and planning for your retirement. This is big. And it's scary and there are so many different paths to take. And everybody's path is different. So I just want to invite you into this call. I call it the, your path to more call. I'm going to leave a link in the show notes. And go there. Schedule this quick call. We'll hop on, on the phone and have a, just a quick conversation. You can also email at vona@vonajohnson.com and we can schedule it that way where this isn't, this doesn't have to be high-tech. It's really important that we don't stumble around in trying to decide what we're going to do with these the most precious hours and most precious days. Truly I want to help you engage your faith and finish well and live your more in this, the best season in life. So let's do this call. Let's find your path to more now, back to the program.

Vona Johnson: 29:39

What's the one point, if somebody walks away from this, what's the one thing we want them to remember about the ripple effect,? What, what should people walk away with that one idea that they should have?

Michael Aterberry: 29:51

You know in my book, I wrote this short term thinkers plant gardens. Long term thinkers plant trees, eternity minded thinkers plant themselves in the souls of others. And what I mean by that and what your audience can take away is that make all of your interactions in life deliberate. Make sure that when a person leaves you, that they feel as if they've met someone, but they didn't just meet someone, you know? And, and, and I try my best. that anytime I have an interaction with someone, you know, back when you said we're not youngsters, you remember the lone ranger that, you know, and they would always, when he would ride off, somebody would say, who was that masked man? You know what I mean? And so, you know, yeah, they, they, they didn't know who the long ranger was because he had the mask on when I leave interaction. You know, I want people to. To really like sigh and be like, wow. I mean, that was, that was amazing. And, and that's, that's what I want to leave with your audience. Be deliberate. Be deliberate with all that you do.

Vona Johnson: 31:11

And we never know. I mean, I haven't read the book yet. It's not available yet. It's coming soon. I've got mine ordered. And I will leave the link for folks who want to order the book. Thank you. It comes out in the show notes. But we want people to know. That we never know the impact of what we do and what we say and how that will impact the next person that that person talks to. And then that person talks to, and we're not supposed to know that we just keep planting the seeds anyway. Right?

Michael Aterberry: 31:43

Yeah. Yeah. And can I say this when you say that again, I either read a book or it was an article and it scared me to the daylights out of me, but it talked about how a man saw like a beggar on the street. He passed them by and then he went to heaven. And when he got to heaven, he realized the beggar was God. The beggar was God. Yeah. Yeah. And so what I do is that any of my situations, especially if they're in that gray area, you never know. So I treat everyone the same. I'm very mindful of, of my interaction, but you don't never know where he is. And that man missed, he missed, you know, God came and asked for help as a beggar. He passed them by and later found out that the person now that he's standing in front of and wants forgiveness, he asked and you didn't give. So, you know, to just keep that in mind as well, as we maneuver through life.

Vona Johnson: 32:53

That's another whole conversation. And we don't have time to get into that today. Yeah,

Michael Aterberry: 32:57

yeah, we'll table that. We'll table that.

Vona Johnson: 32:59

Yeah, that's for sure. Anyway, this has been lovely. I can tell that we could go on for a long, long time. Yes. But in the interest of other people's time, we're going to draw this to a close. How, if someone's listening today and they're like, Oh yeah, I need more of Michael. I need more of his message. I want to invite him in to be a speaker in our group, whatever. How would they get a hold of you?

Michael Aterberry: 33:26

The best way they can get a hold of me they can go to michaelarterberry.com. That is my, my, speaking page. If they would like to see some of the work that I do with my youth, they can go to youthvoicescenter.org. So I have my own nonprofit where I work with the youth and I do the public speaking there, so they can find me in those two places. I would love, and I love to speak and, and, and any, any environment or any types of groups corporate church schools I'm pretty versatile with my message

Vona Johnson: 34:08

wonderful. Well, I just I want to thank you for reaching out again, Michael. It's been a joy to catch up with you again I love the work that you're doing and I'm excited for your new book.

Michael Aterberry: 34:20

Thank you. Thank you for having me.

Vona Johnson: 34:22

Absolutely. You have a wonderful day.

Michael Aterberry: 34:25

Thank you

34:25

Well, that's all we have for today. I want to thank you so much for stopping by. I really appreciate you being here. Join us in two weeks for another episode of courageous retirement, until then engage your faith and always, always live your more.