In this special 2 part episode of Business Sexcess, I discuss the transformative power of conscious communication with my special guest, Karen Shaw, a transformational empowerment coach and speaker.
Karen, the creator of Parenting Magic and a mother of three, shares her journey of overcoming challenges and connecting with her autistic son through effective communication.
We discuss the importance of conscious communication in various relationships, including parenting and intimate partnerships. We explore the nuances of body language, tone, and the energy behind our words. Karen provides insightful examples of how changing our language can foster better understanding and connection.
Listen in as we share practical tips for improving communication, the impact of words on our unconscious mind, and how these skills can enhance both personal and professional life.
Don't miss this special episode, that will leave you eager to apply these principles in your own relationships.
In this special 2 part episode of Business Sexcess, I discuss the transformative power of conscious communication with my special guest, Karen Shaw, a transformational empowerment coach and speaker.
Karen, the creator of Parenting Magic and a mother of three, shares her journey of overcoming challenges and connecting with her autistic son through effective communication.
We discuss the importance of conscious communication in various relationships, including parenting and intimate partnerships. We explore the nuances of body language, tone, and the energy behind our words. Karen provides insightful examples of how changing our language can foster better understanding and connection.
Listen in as we share practical tips for improving communication, the impact of words on our unconscious mind, and how these skills can enhance both personal and professional life.
Don't miss this special episode, that will leave you eager to apply these principles in your own relationships.
Thank you for tuning in to Business Sexcess, empowering business professionals and entrepreneurs to lead an orgasmic life. Hello and welcome to this episode of Business Success. This is an over-18 space here to fuel up your business and your bedroom. It's where sexual empowerment meets personal professional development. I'm your host. Yes, that's me, Lorraine Crooks, sexual empowerment liberator, an award-winning speaker, columnist, educator and healer. Here to make sure all business professionals and entrepreneurs lead an orgasmic life. So hello and welcome to this edition of Business Success, where we get to talk about all things business and bedroom. And today I have an amazing guest and I'm so excited. I've known Karen for, what's it now, Karen, eight years? It will be. Eight years. And I am passionate about what she does. And I'll tell you a bit about that in a minute. But we're going to be talking and having a conversation about conscious communication, which is something both Karen and I are really passionate about. So let me introduce Karen. I'm going to read this because I don't want to miss anything because she's pretty awesome. So Karen is a transformational empowerment coach and speaker. She's a creator of Parenting Magic. I'll say that again so you can go and look it up. Parenting Magic and the mum of three wonderful sons. She works with parents who are struggling with parenting so they can really connect with their children and communicate in a conscious and confident way, enjoying parenting and have a happy family life. Parents who feel their kids don't listen, don't do as they're asked and who feel guilty about not doing a better job than the people that Karen works with. Karen has appeared on national TV and radio and obviously some very important podcasts, spoken on stage and international conferences on parenting communication. So this is literally her bubble. She has also been nominated for UK National Women Inspiring Award and Empower Mums in Business Award. Busy girl. And you've got a book. Tell us about your book. Look, I even got one. How pretty is that? Parenting Magic. Yeah, that had to be written because, well, you know my journey as a single parent, single parent now for 23 years of boys, now men, who've got incredible challenges. And that is where my way of looking at everything differently started. With Eden, when he wasn't very old at all, my youngest one, he's on the autistic spectrum. And he was, oh my God, he was struggling at school so much. And by the time he was 10 and ready to go into secondary school, could barely read or write three letter words. So I started this search of there's got to be a better way. There's got to be a better way of connecting with him, of communicating with him, of, you know, whatever's going on. So yes, it's communication. You know, everything we do is communication, isn't it? And that's what I think is fascinating, that people don't realise that we can never not be communicating. Because it's not, it's not just talking, is it? It's everything. We talk about body language and the body language goes out and extends into what I call energetic communication. And that's vital as well. So I went down that journey of NLP, hypnotherapy, energy therapies, and it just changed Eden and our relationship. And, you know, his story is incredible because he did go to what he called normal school, eventually. I think he's got 10 GCSEs. He then went to college and did a diploma in applied sciences and an A-level in history, just because he liked history, and then went to university. And we're talking about someone who was at special needs school, you know, when he was five. So it's that, and it's everything that I've learned that's gone into this melting pot to become parenting magic. And even though that is my passion, because I started as a parent, it's really about our personal magic. And I know you know this, so many people don't know what their magic is or how to use it. We're just incredible, aren't we, Lorraine? And people just want to use it. Communication is all part of that. I think we do forget that, you know, we're in relationships with lots of different people, you know, whether it's a parent, a partner, whatever that might be. And communication is literally, even to ourselves, is literally the fundamental thing that keeps us going in life, but something we don't learn about. So although we're doing it absolutely every second of every moment in every day, there's no conscious teaching around the best and effective way, particularly in such vulnerable spaces as being a parent or being a partner, like an intimate partner in the bedroom, which is obviously what I'm all about. But actually, the energy behind conscious communication with our children and conscious communication with a partner, and we know from events and things we've done together, there's so many similarities in how we show up, the language we use, our body language, you know, even down to tonality and the things that we connect to. Yeah, well, that bit comes from Moravian, doesn't it? When, you know, Albert Moravian's model is that our communication is only 7%. The meaning that's conveyed is only 7% of the words. And then it's 38 of the tone, and then it's 55 of the body. And to me, body goes beyond the end of this physical thing because it's the electromagnetic field. And there's so much information in that. It's fascinating. And we're not taught it. You're absolutely right. You talk then about, you know, we have to start with us, I think. We don't even know how to communicate with ourself. And the most important relationship is with you because when you're your best you, then you are gonna be the best lover, partner, daughter, mother, father, whatever. You can't do it if you're not looking after yourself. And we're not taught how to. And that's why, you know, we talk about education, but the things that matter most are still not in mainstream. We still don't do it. So communication is absolutely vital. And it means so many things. And I love that word relationship because it's got a ship on the end of it. Oh, lovely, yes. A ship's a vessel, isn't it? A ship's a vehicle that we are, you know what happens with vehicles? Sometimes they start and stop and some go a short journey and some capsize and some crash. And if you can look at it like that, then I don't think, I think we can be kinder to ourselves when we realize that's what we've got. We've got this vehicle that we can do relations in. And we are in relation to everything. I am in relation to everything and everybody else. And because, you know, I've got this passion for words, I don't think people stop and think about what we're saying. No, and I know you have a huge passion for words and how words are made up and how we use them and how conscious we are in sharing them. Do you want to just explain? I know in a recent event we worked together, you gave some awesome examples that were just a bit like mic drop moments. Like things that I could see that, you know, there's this ripple in the room of like, why have I never even, why have I never known that or thought about that before? So do you want to talk about that? Yeah, this is it. It happened to me way back in 2006 when I was doing my NLP training, sitting in this training room in Godalming. And the trainer had started to talk about your unconscious mind. And so, you know, I know this, that we only use 5% to 10% consciousness. So the rest is underneath unconscious. Some people say subconscious. And so what's going on there is completely different to what we think at that 5% to 10%. And the first one was when she said, we can't actually directly process don't. And I was like, well, but we know what it means. We spend a lot of our time saying to children, don't touch, don't run, don't speak to me, don't, don't, don't, don't. You might as well put a big red cross through the don't and just look at what you've written after it. Because I know now, if I say to you or anybody that's listening, whatever you do, please don't think about donuts. I feel like I'm being asked. It doesn't even have to be in a conversation. But yeah, again. Yeah, don't think about a red double-decker bus now, whatever you do. Don't think about a giraffe. Why do we point out the things to children or anybody that they probably wouldn't think about? So we put it in their path. So, and it just fascinates me that we ask for what we don't want instead of what we do. Interesting. And that comes up so much in the couples work that I do. It's like, you know, I don't want this to happen and I don't like this, I don't like that, and I don't like, rather than finding the language because I think generally people find it easier to complain than to hold any relationship. It's there to point a finger at what's not happening as opposed to saying, taking back the eye power and saying what we do want. Because often we don't seem to have the language for that or the confidence or the societal support to be able to do that. I think as parents and in intimate relationships, I think that's very similar. We kind of get into these negative habits of the language we use. Go on, go on to explain a bit more because I think this is fascinating. It's not only that, it's the way that humans are wired, isn't it? Because, you know, let's go back to the caveman times for survival. We had to know what we didn't want and be that vigilant. So I think that is just how we're wired. So we're looking for the danger and what's not right. And the thing that, if somebody were, if I asked them how they are and they'll say, not bad, I do say, I didn't ask you how you're not. And that just makes people go, hmm, I want to know how you are, not how you're not. And I want you to do things that I want you to do instead of bringing up, like you said, what you don't want or you don't like, we find it easier. If we think about it, when you point that finger, three are pointing back at you. This is the best place to start in everything. Look at you. So look at that. And- You know, Karen, I love, I've heard you say that a few times. Can you just say that again? Because obviously there's people that will be watching this and people are going to be hearing it. So just the idea that when we're pointing a finger, and we've- Someone else. Yeah, and we've got a kind of hand clench when we're pointing, we're kind of making that traditional pointy finger, but actually, often when we're pointing at someone, there's three fingers pointing back at us. I just think that's so powerful. Yeah, and that is, just to say that, start here. It's almost directing you. If you do that, it's like a bloody gun. Yeah. You know, it's like, here we go. I'm going to shoot this at you. It's just, I find it all incredible. So the words, yeah, I start with the don't. You know, I don't like that word, but, because if you're paying someone a compliment or you're saying something nice, the minute you say but, it just takes away what you've said. And there's energy in that word. I think that we do know this. We can feel it. We just don't know we know it. You say but to somebody, it feels completely different to and. And you can change that word but to and. And then it's a building block and it's got a completely different energy to it. I'll give you an example. So my middle son, Hal, was always asking, you know, go to this party on Friday night, you know, when he was a mid-late teenager. And the old me would have said, yes, you can, but. Yes, you can, but be home. Well, I wouldn't have said be home on time. I would have said, don't be late. I would have said, don't be late. Don't lose your keys. Don't get drunk. Don't, I would have given him all the things I didn't want to do. Just snagging up all the possibilities of things he could do. I never thought about getting drunk. Yeah. Probably did. And then it's just changing all of it. So, and this is why it's important to be present and to think before we speak. And you know, that is so often what couples, anyone in a relationship have. We don't stop to be present and just think what we're going to say. And we just shoot off. And it's not, that's what I would have said to Helen. Yes, you can go, but make sure you don't do this. And it would be all the negative things. When I changed it to say, yes, you can, and make sure you always know where your keys are, where your money is, stay sober. I didn't always work. And it's just the difference in telling them what you want with the and. I mean, I know it's like you said, I do the deconstruction of letters. It fascinates me. It absolutely fascinates me that in the English language and alphabet, you know, we've just got all these strokes and symbols and shapes that we put together. And the truth is those very clever scientists can feel the vibration of that. They can work out the vibration of everything, can't they? The words, the colours, notes, everything that we've got in the universe has a frequency and a vibration. And so when we put some strokes together, like but, it has definitely got a different energy and feel to and. So tiny little words that make a massive difference. So I think the other thing with the and as well is if you're using it in the context of replacing about, about bringing it home to I. So and I, not and you will, but and I. Like that for me is so powerful. And I know, you know, one of the phrases I often share with couples is, and people I work with is, this is amazing. What would make it even better is for me, you know, or this is where I am at, or this is how I feel. No one can make us feel, that's a whole nother conversation. I know we've both kind of done work on that in the worlds we've been in together. But you know, our feelings are again, another vibration. We need to take more ownership of our communication. And as well as having the ands instead of the buts, you know, and this is how I feel. And this is what would serve me as opposed to, but that's not right. And but you're doing it wrong. And but whatever it might be, when I'm thinking of, you know, particularly intimacy and sex. A but can end a relationship. You use enough buts, pardon the pun, if you use enough buts, that's probably not the right analogy. But if you're literally, if you're constantly saying to someone that something, you're putting out that vibe that it's, you know, there's this but, and there's always this secondary thing that goes with it, that can just send out, as you said, the vibration of that in a conversation, and as using the word and instead, just resonates, even like just for me saying it now, it just resonates so much better. And this would serve me. And this would, you know, this would be better if, the same as you did with your son, you know, giving those, you're giving the same, but you're turning on its head. It's what you would like rather than always focusing on the negatives. Just so important in any relationship. And here's another little weird thing, because we know how the unconscious, I always say that the unconscious, it takes everything personally. It's very childlike. And yes, it stores memories and it does, you know, a whole myriad of things. And it's important. What was I going to say then? How can you start a sentence and then forget what you were going to say? It's all down to conscious communication, Karen. Yeah, this is it. I've just done it. Yes, that's it. So it likes compliments. That's the thing. It really responds to it. So if you say, you hook them, when you start with the better way of starting a conversation, just like you said then, rather than it being you, you make me feel you said we've had these conversations. You know, nobody can. You're allowing it. It's not easy to not allow it. It's still you that allows all those things happening. And the difference is when you know you can start with, I feel like this. We don't deny our feelings. We just feel it, but you're not making me. I feel this when. I think it's really important when you do this because we come from a very, very critical analysis of relationships, which is so sad. It's almost like we come from thinking the worst of the other person. And especially this is what parents do with children, isn't it? You make me feel this. You make me do that. Instead of saying, I feel like this, it's true, isn't it? You know, that really annoys me when you don't put the milk back in the fridge. That's fair enough. That's, you know, it's a statement, but there's no blame attached to it. So the way that we word things, the way we can put things in a sentence is incredible. When you're talking about, you know, being intimate with a partner, we don't particularly think about that feedback sandwich. And I really think that works with everyone because the unconscious mind is like it is. It likes that compliment first. Yeah, so when we talk about feedback sandwich, you're saying giving a positive, giving an improvement area rather than the word negative. So that kind of sandwiching two positives with some aspect of development, improvement in the middle. Exactly that. The vibration churns in, and then hears that other thing differently because it's not been a string of challenges and improvements. Actually, you know, our energy vibration rises. We accept that challenge, supportive comment of how we can improve, and then it's sandwiched beautifully with something else we're doing. And we hear it so differently when it's done like that. We do, and I think that's it because you've hooked the unconscious and it's already engaged and invested. It will listen. And it's almost like it'll be saying to that little bit of development, you know, feedback, criticism. I don't like that word. It's just, they're going to hear it differently as though it's almost like, oh, that's a good idea. Rather we've been on that back foot and being defensive. Wow, what an amazing conversation this is with Karen. And I am so excited about what is to come in the second part of this podcast for business success around conscious communication. Karen is amazing and she has so much more to share with us. So make sure you come back and join us for part two of conscious communication on business sexcess.
