MEN-tal Health, The Silent Struggle - EP11

MEN-tal Health, The Silent Struggle - EP11

In this powerful three-part series, we tackle an often overlooked and highly stigmatized issue: men's mental health. In the first episode, we dive deep into "The Silent Struggle"—the emotional isolation that many men experience but rarely discuss. We open up about the pressures, frustrations, and internal battles that men face in a society that both expects them to suppress their emotions and holds them to unattainable standards.

Drawing from personal experiences, we explore how societal views on masculinity often leave men feeling alone, unworthy, and unheard, even as they juggle work, relationships, and personal growth. From sitting in the car after work, staring blankly at the windshield, to feeling the weight of unspoken pain, this episode delves into the daily, silent battles many men endure.

Whether you're someone who relates to the silent struggle or simply want to understand the complexities of modern men's mental health, join us as we shed light on these unseen challenges. You're not alone in this—and it’s time we start talking about it.

Tune in, share your thoughts, and let’s break the silence together.

Transcript

  where emotions weren't okay. Yeah, so there's so many obstacles in regards to dealing with stuff like that, and it's really hard. It is really hard, especially for people. 

It's like, no, because I'm not one of those ones you see on the internet that are spreading the toxic masculinity  and all of that.

Crazy stuff. I'm like, I am not that person, but yet the way I'm viewed and treated by some people is that person. Good old silent struggle. Good old silent struggle. 

Yeah, uh, I can't even tell you how many times I've gone through that myself.  

Hi. Hey, what's up? What's up? How much? How are you? I'm great.

That's good. How are you? I'm fantastic. That's wonderful. Yeah. Yeah, here we are. Welcome back to another episode of let us be honest.  Yeah. 

Yeah. Yeah Welcome back. Glad to have you 

Hope you're re tuning in. So ten episodes in, we've talked about a lot of things, and the subject for our next three episodes is all about something very near and dear to the two of us.

Yeah, mental health. Men's mental health. 

Yes. As we can speak pretty proficiently from that point of view not to 

segregate the 

ladies. 

Yeah, but uh, men's mental health is just something that we feel is  Just still constantly way too overlooked over, you know in the in the workplace in life in general 

underrated underrated and there's a lot of situations in the world right now where people feel like All men are getting what's been coming to them and  It's made a lot of, a lot of us just feel like, you know, cast out and ostracized on the things that we don't do or whatever do or ways that we wouldn't act.

Right, because it's not 

all men. It's not the entire gender. No. You know what I mean? It's not. 

It's not. And that's fair for like, so many things happening in so many  parts of the world. Like, it's not a whole group of people. It's usually a few specific that are either really loud, that just create certain voices and certain, you know, Um, Conversations, I guess.

Right. And then, it gets applied to everybody.  But then there's people, like us, who are on the flip side. We're like, hey, okay, well. I'm not, I'm not that guy. Yeah, right? I'm not that guy. Yeah, we're not. But I have these struggles. Yeah, and then people, you try and talk to people about these struggles. And they're like, well, that's not a real thing.

That's nonsense. Yeah. Mental health is a joke. 

Yeah. As we've said before, we're two very different people who come from very different backgrounds, um, who have a lot of different experiences, um, but we have, we have a lot of the same struggles and issues through our lives, and right now we're kind of at a spot where we're feeling,  you know, just  the pressures.

Yeah, the pressures and judged  in certain ways just because we're different people. Males. Yeah. In modern society right now. Yeah. That's what we're gonna dive into today. We're gonna do a three part series on men's mental health addressing three different, I don't know, stages we've kind of experienced. So the first one that we'd like to discuss is Numero uno.

Numero uno. Um, the silent struggle that many of us go through. Good old silent struggle. Good old silent struggle. 

Yeah, uh, I can't even tell you how many times I've been Gone through that myself whether it's you know people are sick of hearing about it, or you know I feel like I can't talk about it Yeah, it's not fun because you get to a place in your mind where  You feel completely alone.

And physically, yes, you might not be alone. But, you still feel alone. Totally. Because you are left alone with all of these feelings and emotions because you don't have those outlets to talk about them and release those feelings. Yep. You know what I mean? It's, yeah, 

it's it's not a good time. Nope. And the funny thing is there's so many guys out there that all they wanna do is Feel to express their emotions these days like I feel like there's so many that want to do that.

Yeah  But unfortunately, they're met with like either two very polarized views. Yeah, one is like well emotions aren't a real man's feeling so Get over it. Mm hmm. Wake up tomorrow and just live with it. And then the other side is oh, you're too emotional or It's considered a more feminine feeling. Yeah.

Which, I mean, on the other side, either side isn't fair. Right. To the people in between that, you know, feel collected and put together. But, we still have moments, and we have times where we trip and we fall. For a lot of us, unfortunately, still  It's almost easier to just package it all up and just forget about it.

Yeah, 

you find yourself coming home from work. Yep, sitting in your car for an hour eventually finding your way into the house spending an hour trying to figure out what you're going To cook for dinner  just to end up deciding on the quickest thing possible because it's already been an hour You know what I mean facts and then you shower or whatever and then before you know it it's time for bed And it's just such When you become  engrossed in that silent struggle, it becomes such a mundane lifestyle.

Yep. Because that's all that's on your mind. Yep. Occupies the entirety of who you are at that moment. And it's really hard for people to understand that I actually haven't been through it. You know, people that haven't experienced depression, anxiety, um, the silent struggle, everything that comes with mental health, or the guys that, you know, pretend it's not real, or they think it's a joke, or,  you know, they just, you know.

Like you said, they grew up in an environment where emotions weren't okay. Yeah, so there's so many obstacles in regards to dealing with stuff like that and it's really hard. It is really hard, especially for people that have to, you know, continue to push through themselves and don't eventually find an outlet.

Even, even if you grew up in a household where, you know, emotions, you know, were fine and not put down on you, it's, it's when you start to get. Out into the world and you're faced with other people's opinions sometimes because honestly I grew up in a household where Emotions were emotions and like you're free to have them So that was cool But it was when I started interacting with other people out in the world Where you definitely see that polarizing view where like if you're a guy Emotions are a no go.

Yeah, you cut that shit out and you're like, oh don't exist. Okay. Yeah This isn't what I've been used to all my life, but that's that's fine. Yeah, are you crying right now?  No, you don't know me.  But yeah, it's very draining, it can be very taxing. But even I've had times just working with different people and their views and opinions, where yeah, you get home after work and you just sit in your vehicle, and you just stare at the windshield, not really thinking about anything.

Or the music's playing and you just sit there and you just stare and then you look at your phone and you're like, Oh my God, it's been an hour. Like sometimes when you just zone out and time goes by, you feel like you lose so much time that you never even realize. 

Yeah. I mean, it does happen to me, but it's only at home when I don't want time to go fast.

Like  

you just find yourself in those situations. Just,  yeah.  Stuck thinking about so many other things. And then you get stuck thinking about those things and someone comes up and they're like, Hey, what's wrong with you today? And you're like, Oh, you know, I'm just. Thinking. Yeah, like thinking's for  people with a emotion, 

And I mean, you can't even actually tell 'em what's going on. You can't. You really can't. 'cause 

yeah,  you really pe some people just don't understand. They don't, no. They just look at you and they're like,  

weren't you happy man?  , 

just smile.  

Just 

man up. Yeah,  look up man. But that, that, that's the thing. Like you're in these spaces and these places and you're not being as productive as you want.

And then someone just comes up and they're like, oh well.  It's just all a joke.  It's definitely the ignorance of others. I think it's pretty strong these days when it comes to mental health. 

It is very strong, man. Very strong. Especially in construction. 

Yeah, I could imagine that. I don't 

know what is wrong with these guys, man.

They got some serious shit to release.  Express, I don't know man. These people they have bottled up some shit. I could imagine. Yeah, they're just Working with the guys on this site that I'm working on now. Yeah, it's and then having worked with everybody else prior  It's like holy shit, man  

Which ones are better the ones now are the ones the ones 

now?

Yeah, the ones before just bottled up a whole bunch. Seriously. 

They're just something else man they were all just 

bitter and  Yeah. Well, weren't we talking about it, or weren't you saying some of their, their favorite sayings and stuff a couple months ago? Sleep deprived, barely alive. Yeah! That one. Sleep deprived, barely alive.

That was a good one. Blue collar men die at 25 and you're not buried till 75. Yep, 

that is another one. And 

it's, it's all they know. And 

cause like, I don't know, man, this life in the trades, it's like, it's,  it's a hard life. You know what I mean? You wake up early, like super early,  you get to work. Cause you start super early, you work 10 to 12 hour days and you know, it, so it takes a toll on guys.

It really does. Especially guys that have been doing it for 20 plus years. You know what I mean?  I would think you get to a point where it's just, yeah, you're dead inside. Yeah. Because you're just so miserable. I mean, I, there's people that I work with currently at the company I'm at, and they've all said, you know, if they could go back and choose a different career, they would.

Isn't that the crazy thing? Is they get to that point and they're like, man, if I could have chose different. Like, you do it for so long. And I'm sure many of these guys get caught in this exact silent struggle situation where it gets to a point where they just put their head down and they're like, Well, it is what it is.

I'm just gonna deal with it. Nobody, nobody gets where I'm coming from.  

And then you get the guys that show up to work intoxicated. Like 

high, drunk, 

you know, whatever it 

may 

be. It's not a good recipe. A recipe for 

disaster. And I could only imagine that. When it comes back to that ignorance. Oh, sorry. Oh, I was gonna say when it comes back to that ignorance of people being like, Oh, mental health is a joke.

They may say that, but they're clearly using other solutions to, like, cover up that. Right. Their own way of feeling. Right. 

And I was gonna say, but think about, like, what drove them to that point. Yeah. Of showing up to work drunk and or high and whatever. People don't just wake up one day, chug half a bottle of vodka and show up to work.

Nope. No. Nope. That's a developed habit. Things happen to people throughout their lives that ultimately lead them to situations like that. 

Mm hmm. 

And that's the truth, man. Yep. And I mean, don't get me wrong. There are people out there that have had a hard life and now they're just like living the dream, like happy as can be.

And yeah, and that's great. That's great. You know what I mean? But some people, unfortunately don't  break that cycle. And 

well, and I mean, at the same time, like I'm, I'm not really surprised, like not even working in the trades. Like I just work restaurants and I've even encountered people before where, you know, like we have a tough day or whatnot.

And just. The way that the world is these days, like, if the day is rough or tough, um,  you know, I,  I don't necessarily feel fine expressing how I feel sometimes because then people come back at you with like, oh, well, come on, like,  grow up. Yeah.  Oh, I'm 

perfectly grown, sir. And thank you. 

It's not that bad or like the world is so polarized right now.

And that's the problem, and I've heard it before from people, acquaintances, people I've worked with, like, you're feeling a certain way, um, and you know, you're just having a day or you're off, and you just, I don't know, want a little personal time, or you don't really want to talk to anybody about it, and they just come at you with, like, some stupid comment, like, oh, well, must be so tough being a guy these days, hey, you just have everything handed to you, and I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, okay, I did not come from a family or situation, Where I have things handed to me.

Can you please show me  

the things that were handed to me? Yes, please. Please give me evidence because I have no evidence myself. I would 

like some of these handouts. 

Yes, please. Thank you. That would be very much appreciated. 

Yeah. Right. Well, and then it gets so frustrating because like it breaks part of you down and you almost get to a point where you just feel inadequate because you're like, it looks like the whole world's been handed to us, but the struggles and the mental struggles for a lot of us.

That we go through is the same as everybody else, but because we fall into a very defined category these days, it's like, no, because I'm not one of those ones you see on the internet that are spreading the toxic masculinity and all of that crazy stuff. And like, I am not that person, but yet the way I'm viewed and treated by some people is that person.

Yeah. You just don't want to confide in other people. And then that goes back to like leading yourself to the isolation. And then you get home, you just sit in your vehicle.  

What's that quote from Chris Rock? Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally.  Men are only loved under the condition that they provide something. 

That takes a toll on a guy, man. Or like  

Well, especially when that's And it's true! 

It is true. It's true, man. 

And it's been the expectation for a long time. Yep. And I'm sure there's gonna be people who are gonna watch this episode Oh, a hundred percent. There's gonna 

be the fucking bedwetters that are just like, Oh, you're just whining and complaining, you know.

Just 

two white guys complaining about how easy their lives have been.  I would argue the opposite with you.  

You have no idea buddy. So I would just  yeah, and we're not talking to anyone at this point. So  These comments haven't even been made yet  

But but but that's the thing is like we live in a world where we already think that people are going to make these comments or have these preconceived notions because we've dealt with people and talked with people and Have been confronted who've said these exact same things.

Yeah, so then you find  People yeah very much like us who you know, we just want to make happy living happy life But we're pushed into a box that is the same as everyone else And we're not allowed to talk about things or we're not supposed to show emotions on certain subjects Yeah, because we'll get ridiculed from both sides And like where do we where where do we find balance?

Where do where do we get to be able to express ourselves? 

Yeah,  100 percent 

Which were some big conversations when we first started this podcast and those are that's some of the feelings we've been honestly feeling right now is like the silent struggle of so many males these days is that You  No matter who you try and express yourself to, there's always some sort of pushback on one side.

It's like, Oh, well, you're lucky to be a white guy. It's like,  yeah, am I? Because right now there's a lot of hate coming for all of us. And some of us haven't even done anything. And then on the other side, if we're too emotional, well, then we just have more white guys hating on us.  So where do you find a balance?

Yeah, it's really hard to find that balance. And I mean, I think that's why so many of these guys.  Often withdraw. Yeah, you know what I mean? Because that's the only place they can find somewhat of a balance. Mm 

hmm 

um,  

and then that cuts down like I don't know if i'm constantly put down after trying to you know, connect with somebody or Elevate a friendship like luckily you just give up you'd be like, what's the point?

What's yeah? Yeah, what's the point of trying to make new connections exactly and that can go for many different scenarios. Oh, yeah Yeah, 

yeah  

Which is hilarious because we've done episodes on relationship building and disconnecting and building connections. So you would think, yeah, like maybe it comes naturally.

Well, guess what? We're here to tell you no, instead I know I've found a very few select people that I feel comfortable connecting with that I feel safe around to express these feelings But I mean if I were to jump on TikTok and make a TikTok about how my life is so hard and like everything I've been through and all this stuff You You know what would happen?

I would get ridiculed. Yeah, but there are so many other people. Yeah There's so many other people out there that they can go and they can whine on their tiktoks about how tough their life is With no proof as to whatever else is happening and people are like, oh, I feel so bad for you You know keep going keep up the struggle push through it 

That is a fine line between  actually expressing your emotions  and Seeking attention.

Yeah, I feel 

yeah. 

Yeah,  

and even if I did genuinely go on and  Trust me. The internet is the last place I go cry on right? Could you imagine like that being your first choice? 

Yeah, just like I can't cry yet. I have to set up the camera I 

think i'm ready now. Um  but when you when you think about people that do make those kind of videos like There's still a level of setting up for the video that has to go into it.

So it's kind of fun. 

Yeah. Um,  

yeah, I wouldn't do that. That would not be my first option, but if I did do that, and if I genuinely did that, it, it would still not deliver correctly and it would still be the same.  Comments and ridicule. But again, that's the thing, the silent struggle. If you are in work, like the people you work with, for example,  If you don't have a lot of connections outside work, or if you haven't made a lot of connections at work and you're You feel certain ways and you feel like you don't have anybody to talk to you wind up in this silent struggle situation Um, you wind up in this silent struggle situation where you go home you sit in your vehicle you stare off into nothing  Then you feel like you don't want to connect with people because it's exhausting And then you feel inadequate.

You literally don't have the energy 

Yeah, and then that makes you feel inadequate and then you feel less confident And then you start to isolate yourself. It's 

literally just a snowball effect. 

It is a snowball. Yeah, and it's a snowball I think a lot of people are going through especially males in our demographic.

Mm hmm our age range You know what? They don't even have to be white guys Exactly. I'm talking. Oh, yes is all males everywhere. Yeah, basically within like this mid millennial range that we're in right now Mm hmm There's only so many jobs as we've come to see. There's only so many positions. You go down these paths and you get stuck in this just ball of  feeling like you can't turn anywhere. 

Yeah. Yeah. Then you got this whole new degree. You just graduated fresh out of university,  but you got to work at Walmart or some shit. You know what I mean? 

Yeah. And it's, it's just this huge  pile  that you would think living in 2024. Yeah.  It would be more acceptable for guys to be able to express and talk about how they feel. 

And there's so many people out there that are like, well, you know, if you talk, I'll listen. Nope, been down that path before. Luckily, like I said, I do know a decent amount of people that, you know, can be free and expressive with, but that's not everybody's case. And a lot of people are stuck in a situation where they're like, well, You say you'll listen, but  you're gonna tune out very fast and not care.

Yeah,  or not take it seriously because you're just gonna be like, oh you just had a rough day You'll be better next time. Are you talking to me? No. Oh, i'm just kidding  I am you'll be better next time. No, I feel like you 

are I can see it in your eyes 

Hey, buddy 

This guy right here this podcast just ended this guy right here  Anyway, no i'd like to think that you have someone And some people in your life that, you know, if you're having a rough time, you can let them know I do. Okay, good. Yeah.  And vice versa. Yeah. podcast is all about. Yeah. Yeah.  But no, it's, um,  yeah, the silent struggle.

It's it's a real thing that a lot of people are going through  no matter how good or bad life is. I see it. There's a lot of  guys out there that are off that a lot of them are feeling this way. 

Yeah.  There's a good majority of us out there right now that  currently feel like,  yeah, they're stuck. They got nowhere to go.

You know what I mean? There's, they got pressure 

from both sides. And  because yeah, you put so much effort into one or the other side and then  you just, you get to a point where you can't go any further or all the positions are full.  And that even leads more into the silent struggle because you just wind up going back to your car, sitting there thinking like, what am I doing?

Yeah. 

It's uh, it's on you, however, to get yourself out of it.  Um, nobody's going to do it for you. It's true. Nobody's going to do it for you. And trust me, I know it's a lot easier said than done. It is so much easier said than done. You know, you'd be sitting in your bed, even the littlest things like taking a shower or something like that seem like,  The summit of Mount Everest, you know what I mean?

Like, yeah, that's true. But  you got to push yourself, man. You really do. And that's something that took even me a while to learn  that in order to truly improve your situation and how you feel about yourself  and continue growing is  you work on you. You know what I mean? Nobody's gonna, yeah, nobody's going to do it for you.

Nobody's going to do it for you. Push yourselves. Push yourself. 

Yeah, and I think that's a part where a lot of people get lost in these days. Is they're just waiting for someone to fix their situation. 

Yep. 

So, as much as we can sit here and, you know, complain about how we feel about things or how things are.

I know personally, I've done a lot of personal self work over this past decade to be at a good spot and find people that I can feel comfortable around to express some of these feelings. Do I still have days where I don't want to tell everybody everything going on? Totally. And that's part of life. But,  if it was ever at a dead end I  don't want to say a dark area, because that makes it sound pretty dark, but if it ever was, I feel like I have a group of people that I can talk to, um, but it took time and a lot of self work to establish that. 

Right. And that's the thing, since it does take time. 

It does. It really does. It takes a lot of time.  That's something you have to prepare yourself for, too. 

And sometimes you might have to cycle through a couple situations or groups of people before you find them. A group of people that fit well with you, that you can form, you know, great friendships with.

Yeah. Where you can  feel good about talking about how you feel, your emotions, or what's going on. Will it ever be perfect? No.  But,  hopefully the silent struggle doesn't feel as silent when  you find those people. 

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.  I just know those people.  Will give a shit. Yeah, they will actually care. 

Yeah,  is is that part one of mental health?

I think that's part one of mental health.  Thanks for tuning in Let us know down in the comments below like, you know, what are you going through if you don't want to talk about it? That's okay. But just just know you're not alone.  And if you're a Mid ranged aged millennial and you're just like I don't know what i'm doing in life.

That's okay I feel like there's a lot of us 

And 

things change and evolve all the time. So 

and if you do know what you're doing  shoot us some tips Yeah, you know what? I mean? How'd you get there? What'd you do to do it? You know, how'd you overcome your 

own silence? 

Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Love it  

Yeah, just bros looking out for bros.

Yeah. Yeah,  

even if you're a woman, you know, feel free 

Yeah, you can be a bro too. Yeah, an honorary bro. Mm 

hmm. We are inclusive. 

Yeah. 

Yeah  kind of 

yeah We can just give a better insight  to how we feel as guys  Yeah, could you imagine if we sat here and complained about how hard it is to be a woman  that would not land Well, 

no, no, it would not  

I have zero expertise on the subject.

Yeah. Well, yeah Yeah, 

either of us are women. No, exactly  

Surprise literally zero percent expertise. 

Yeah a lot of female friends, but I  That still doesn't mean I resonate exactly with what they go through. Mm hmm. Tell us about your silent struggles Yeah, maybe some of the things we say on an episode is you know What someone needs to hear.

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, 

and I mean that's what we're trying to do That's one of the 

things we're trying to do here and put our voices out there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah Yeah, 

boom men's mental health 

men's mental health part one the silent struggle Yeah,  see you next time three part series. Talk to you next time.

Yeah. 

Yeah.  Bye. Bye