Are you ready to transform your perspective on love and relationships at 50 and beyond? Join Stacy and Toni at the Old School Love Lounge as they sit down with Dr. Shane Perreault, a leading clinical psychologist and founder of the African American Marriage Counseling. Together, they explore the shifting dynamics between men and women in later-life relationships. Dr. Perreault sheds light on how traditional roles influence marriage experiences, revealing surprising patterns like men seeking commitment and women yearning for independence post-divorce. This episode offers valuable insights into these evolving trends and their impact on modern love.
Our conversation then transitions to the essential building blocks of healthy partnerships: communication, empathy, and mutual understanding. You'll hear about the evolving expectations in marriage and the critical importance of investing in emotional well-being. Dr. Perreault discusses the often-overlooked issue of men underutilizing mental health services and the barriers to open, honest communication. This segment is packed with practical advice for couples looking to navigate differences, seek therapy when needed, and build a stronger, more connected relationship grounded in respect and growth.
Reflecting on past relationships, we delve into why they ended and the importance of accountability. Dr. Perreault emphasizes the distinction between chemistry and compatibility, arguing that true friendship forms the foundation of long-lasting love. We also discuss societal pressures, challenges in recognizing genuine intentions, and the role of love languages in maintaining intimacy. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone aiming to navigate the complexities of relationships with grace and insight, making it a must-listen for those seeking deeper connections and a healthier love life.
Thanks for listening!
Find and follow us on Instagram and Tiktok @oldschoollovelounge.
Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtu.be/wojQSIWqI60?si=gl8IMEtocOvs1HUQ
Email us at oldschoollovelounge@gmail.com
Special thanks to our engineer Claude Jennings, Jr.
Are you ready to transform your perspective on love and relationships at 50 and beyond? Join Stacy and Toni at the Old School Love Lounge as they sit down with Dr. Shane Perreault, a leading clinical psychologist and founder of the African American Marriage Counseling. Together, they explore the shifting dynamics between men and women in later-life relationships. Dr. Perreault sheds light on how traditional roles influence marriage experiences, revealing surprising patterns like men seeking commitment and women yearning for independence post-divorce. This episode offers valuable insights into these evolving trends and their impact on modern love.
Our conversation then transitions to the essential building blocks of healthy partnerships: communication, empathy, and mutual understanding. You'll hear about the evolving expectations in marriage and the critical importance of investing in emotional well-being. Dr. Perreault discusses the often-overlooked issue of men underutilizing mental health services and the barriers to open, honest communication. This segment is packed with practical advice for couples looking to navigate differences, seek therapy when needed, and build a stronger, more connected relationship grounded in respect and growth.
Reflecting on past relationships, we delve into why they ended and the importance of accountability. Dr. Perreault emphasizes the distinction between chemistry and compatibility, arguing that true friendship forms the foundation of long-lasting love. We also discuss societal pressures, challenges in recognizing genuine intentions, and the role of love languages in maintaining intimacy. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom for anyone aiming to navigate the complexities of relationships with grace and insight, making it a must-listen for those seeking deeper connections and a healthier love life.
Thanks for listening!
Find and follow us on Instagram and Tiktok @oldschoollovelounge.
Subscribe on YouTube: https://youtu.be/wojQSIWqI60?si=gl8IMEtocOvs1HUQ
Email us at oldschoollovelounge@gmail.com
Special thanks to our engineer Claude Jennings, Jr.
Hey y'all. We're here at the old school love lounge. I'm your cohost, stacey, and I'm your cohost, toni, and today we are talking about the state of relationships. I think for us, this podcast and this show episode came about because we ingested so much conversation online from men and women's perspectives on dating and love and relationships and how our roles have evolved over the years. We see clashing, we see conflict, and we just wanted to come to an understanding about some of these things, and so we need to clear up some mess.
Speaker 2:We need to clear it up. Yes, we do Because we need more love in the world.
Speaker 1:We need better understanding, better understanding, and so who do we have here to help us with that?
Speaker 2:Oh, we have a good one today. I'm so excited because, you know, not only is our guest a clinical psychologist, but he's also a man and I think it's great you know to get a man's perspective.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:So today we have Dr Shane Perreault. I'm super excited about that. A little bit about him. He founded the American Marriage Counseling in 2004. African.
Speaker 1:Yes, thank you African.
Speaker 2:American Marriage Counseling in 2004. And in his private practice he's partnered with over 6,000 couples, so he knows what he's talking about, you guys. So so this is a bonus. Dr Shane has also received his doctorate degree in clinical psychology from Ohio State University and he has spoken at the Congressional Black Caucus. He has blogged for Psychology Today. He's also been featured in Essence Magazine and in Ebony Magazine, the Washington Post, the Washington Times. He's also been on XM, radio, bet. The list goes on and on. So I mean we're super excited to have him here. Thank you so much for coming and welcome to the show.
Speaker 3:Welcome to the old school love life. Yeah, old school love life. Thanks for having me. I love what you're doing here. I think it's very important that we just get a forum where we can talk things through.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Hear from each other. Yeah, I guess today I'm more of the male perspective, but really doing marital therapy I've really come to understand both sides.
Speaker 1:Yeah, absolutely, because I see them go at each other, and I've seen some good outcomes each other and I've seen some good outcomes. Yeah, when we reference the things that we're seeing online and social media all the talk I'm wondering if that lends itself to what you're seeing in real time like, with real relationships and real conversations from men and women.
Speaker 3:So I just say tell me what you're seeing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, that's a good point because a lot of times stuff that's happening on social media is not really the reality.
Speaker 1:That's true, yeah.
Speaker 2:And I think it can give us a false sense of what's really happening out in the world.
Speaker 1:What we're seeing is that men and we're specifically talking about dating in your 50s, love in your 50s yeah, in our age group, men are really ready to commit. Right now, when they're meeting a woman, woman, they're trying to lock it down and commit. Yeah, we're seeing a lot of women divorced. They've done that, been there, done that. They're ready to just kind of enjoy their lives. And looking at relationships is sort of a stress. Looking at men is sort of a stress and I think that comes from this conflict that we're seeing yeah I mean, yeah, I think that's exactly right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so that that is a loaded question. It's a good question. It's loaded.
Speaker 3:No, because I think and I hate to say this and someone somewhere is going to beat me up for saying it but I think men and women a lot of times have different experiences in marriage. I say 80% of the time, just the roles. You know, a lot of time women are not left exclusively with. But boy, it's your responsibility to do child rearing. It's your responsibility to make sure our love nest is a love nest and our house is a home. And so they call it the second shift. In research it's like OK, today's woman isn't. I mean, don't get me wrong, ladies, some of you are in a position where you've decided to be at home with your family, but in a lot of cases it's the second shift. I work and I come home and now I have to do X, y and Z, and you're telling me you're a man, but these dishes need to be done.
Speaker 3:Yes, we need to figure out how to put some hot food on that store on that plate. And so it's a, it's a pressure, whereas I think as a man, it's like our life is enriched in some ways. You get a little more burden and after raising kids I see a lot of women are like okay, I need to do me. I put off X, I put off Y, I put off Z. I gave up this part of my identity, that part of my identity. It's nice to have that back, and I'm enjoying it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and now they want to travel yeah, and they want to, they want to travel and they want to live their best life whereas men we want to ask that back baby, come on, do this do that I got to, ain't got to clean up, I ain't got to worry about this, I ain't got to worry about this, I don't have to worry about that, and that's a generalization. But I say like about probably eight out of 10 times you're closer to that. The other two sometimes it's the opposite and men are doing those things. So it really kind of depends.
Speaker 2:Why do you think that it happens that way? So like is this something that happens? Like as men and women grow up and they they have learned these roles from their own parents, or like why is that the case? Because now it seems like it's somewhat problematic.
Speaker 3:I think some of it is role play and how we grow up and what we watch, because think about, you know, our parents grew up in the 60s, 70s, you know, and so they had that model. So we definitely saw it coming up. It makes sense, depending on the situation. If you have the traditional, he's the breadwinner boy. It makes sense. But now we're at a place where we have two breadwinners and even though women sometimes stay home for a year, two, three, a lot of times they go back to the workplace and we in society't adjust, we don't get the memo.
Speaker 3:You know, I had a person that hadn't been married that long a client recently contact with me and everything just changed after they had kids. I mean, they were inseparable lovebirds, yeah. And now it's like okay, we need to do x, we need to do y, someone needs to stay home. No, I can't say I'm going to go back to work, right, you know I can't take this trip, or if I take this trip, I make X for the household. But what weekend is that? Oh, we got Mother's Day coming up. You know what I mean. So it's not as simple as it once would, in that there's no clear delineation of you do X, I do Y and Z we do together. It's not as clear as it once was.
Speaker 2:So I think that's interesting that you say that, because I spend a lot of time on social media, because obviously we have this podcast For research, we have to research, we need to see what's going on and it seems like on social media there is a fight between men and women, and Stacey was alluding to this. You see men really and women really trying to draw lines on these roles. You know, I see men saying we want women to be feminine.
Speaker 1:We want them to be soft.
Speaker 2:We want them to be at home, cooking, cleaning, you know, doing these very traditional roles that sort of lend themselves to you know, duties that women traditionally have done. And then you see men saying you know, I'm going to. You know, bring home the money, I'll be the head of the household.
Speaker 1:I'll be the head of the household. I'm going to be the lead, yeah.
Speaker 2:I'll be the lead and I think, yeah, and you're right. And it's like, at this age, you know, at this age, you know our, our audience is 50 plus, Some of those things don't really apply anymore because you know, at this age, you know, like you said earlier, a lot of women, if they're single, they can take care of themselves and they are taking care of themselves. And I think there's somewhat of a conflict in terms of like, how do you know a man and a woman get together and try to get to know each other when we have these roles getting in the way? What do you say to that? Or have you had that experience?
Speaker 3:or had no, I, I see it a lot and so, given that your audience is after 50, having kids isn't their driver right, right and that's a whole different decision making thing. You want somebody that could really accentuate. You like your job is to make me happy or be a venue that we can make each other happy.
Speaker 3:It's not to reproduce, it's not necessarily to take care of me or for me to take care of you. It's for us to be friends and us to bond and us to figure out, well, what are we going to do with the second half of our lives? And so that's more of a partnership, without these kind of ancient expectations that don't match reality anymore of what marriage and what our life is going to be like together. Maybe the case she makes more, it may be the case that he has some younger kids and he's got this real, real maternal side of him. That's kicked in because it didn't work out, but I still want to take care of him. Kicked in because it didn't work out, but I still want to take care of them. So it's not as simple a formula as it once was, where a couple gets together no matter what they have to do us part, and that's kind of the confusion that you might be talking about that's been created in dating yeah, how do we come together?
Speaker 2:is there a way? How do we um as men and women? How do we get past that? Is it communication? I mean, how do we?
Speaker 1:Empathy also yeah.
Speaker 3:So I'm not doing a free commercial for me. This is anyone out there you might want to talk to? No, because it's like I think we need help.
Speaker 2:We do need help, but we're the least likely to get help.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and sometimes it's just recognizing we're not hearing each other, we're not hearing each other?
Speaker 3:we're not and we think we're saying the same thing, but if we're still fighting over it and we're coming back to explain there are still causing us conflict, yeah, chances are we're not. And I'm just saying a lot of people, we invest in a lot of things. We invest in clothes, hair, all those other things, but we don't invest in us and we have to learn as a community. You know, let me go talk to a professional it may cost me X, y or Z, or I may do it on my insurance and let me make sure we start hearing each other and getting on the same page and recognizing it's okay for us to be different, but we have to really have a healthy respect and understanding for the differences so that we can start speaking the same language.
Speaker 2:But Dr Shane. So we know that women typically go to therapy and we know that black men usually do not.
Speaker 1:Or, and let me add, and I was going to mention this if we were on the same wavelength girl. That's why we're co-hosts. If women don't right women don't go to therapy. We have outlets.
Speaker 2:That's like it's a guarantee.
Speaker 1:Sure, I will talk to tony about something, or my sister or another friend and now they'll listen, yes, and that listen, and then men don't really take that opportunity to do that with their male friends. If they have male bonds, they don't bond in that way they go play sports or watch a game or whatever have a drink have a drink and then don't bond in that way.
Speaker 2:They go play sports or watch a game or whatever. Have a drink, have a drink and then don't discuss any issues, right.
Speaker 3:Very true, Right, Right, yeah. I think what you're saying is just painfully true. You know like if you and someone break up and you go to your boys, they're like okay we're going to take your point Right. We're getting you twisted tonight, right and I think it's like but beyond that, I think we're totally underused mental health services. Just as a group, we think yeah, absolutely bring it to god.
Speaker 3:And don't get me wrong, I believe in bringing it to god, but I think god put some ways for us to get help in place. Yeah, and we have to be better consumers of that. You know, I've been just very fortunate living in the Washington DC area. People are more psychologically open. Yeah, not necessarily mind it, because when they get there they want to talk about their pain and don't realize the other person is hurt. But you know, that's kind of my point. You don't have any prerequisites. You have to meet, going and talking to a professional. They'll help you walk through it. But if you're out there and you're in a relationship that you love your spouse, your partner, whoever it may be a possibility, a prospect just really say you know what? Are we hearing each other? Are we getting on the same page or could we get some help with that?
Speaker 1:and I think it's just a real game changer yeah, I feel like that's a question you can ask when you're dating somebody yeah, what would be the question?
Speaker 2:you are to therapy or what do you think about?
Speaker 3:therapy. I think it's a big one it may even be like one of those. Okay, if the scales are close, does it tip it? Because at some point you're going to see things differently? That's the only guarantee in life is that there will be these differences, and how you negotiate those differences is key because, like at 50, okay, we've had the relationship or marriage not work. Yeah, you maybe didn't talk to anybody or we talked to someone too late.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and we really probably should have talked to someone before we said I do to you because I don't know, I was getting married for all these other reasons and not our connection, and we have to really focus on it. Doesn't have to be the perfect connection, but hey, there are strengths and things that we adore. Let's celebrate those. Well, maybe there are some challenges or limitations. Let's figure out how to address those and build a stronger together, you know, a stronger community between us that we could go out and face the world with. So, ladies and I realize my position in this, but really it's a dialogue and we're trying to help a whole community.
Speaker 3:You know, I think you both have the experience of having had serious relationships or been married with people. When you get to that point where you say, I don't know, when you first really ask that question, you have that come to Jesus moment like this may not work. What do you do? How do you get support? How do you address that? Because there are a lot of 50 people that have dealt with that question. Or boy, their nest is empty and they're starting to ask that question. How do you respond to that?
Speaker 2:Stacey.
Speaker 3:That was good.
Speaker 2:I like that. I tossed it over to my co-host.
Speaker 1:So when you have a sinking feeling about your relationship, Some people have it before marriage.
Speaker 3:Some people have it a year or two after marriage.
Speaker 1:Some have it after the kids are gone and we're empty nesters, and I think it's an important question I don't think people, they think it's just them yeah, they don't realize it's a universal question I think for me it was having conversations with people who I felt safe with um, letting them know how I was feeling, and I think in my instance, I got messages oh, it's probably just that. Oh, you know, it's okay, it's probably just this or that. Deal with it this way. And I think for me it had to be a um, we've crossed this line and now I can't do this anymore. And then I had to make a change for my marriage and my life. Yeah, so that's what it was for me.
Speaker 1:But, before then it was talking to people.
Speaker 3:Yep. So let me ask you a follow up question at that initial point not to the point of making the decision. Had that question, those questions been addressed? Do you think you could have you know what? Maybe we could work this out. Do you think you could have you know what? Maybe we could work this out. Do you think you would?
Speaker 1:have, it might've ended differently. Possibly, okay, possibly, cause I think therapy could have been helpful, but, um, I wasn't with somebody who really wanted therapy.
Speaker 3:And I think that's it, and I say that to the people. Listening is like sometimes like people come to me and say you cost too much. I'm like you know how much divorce it takes.
Speaker 2:That's very true, you know, you think these are the cheap seats.
Speaker 1:These are the only seats. That is very true.
Speaker 3:So saying that you invest out there as someone listening, it's like $1,500, $2,500, whatever, and I'm going to get some really good questions answered. It's hard for us to do. We don't do it. Oh, I'll talk to my pastor. Your pastor may be brilliant, or he may be phenomenal, even in this area, but at some point you may want to talk with somebody that does just this, and I think that's one of the reasons that divorces in our community are so prevalent and the intensity level is so high, you know, whereas I think in other communities they're more likely to deal with it in the earlier stages.
Speaker 1:Yes, absolutely. I think I also wanted therapy because I don't feel like, and I still don't fully understand my ex's experience and what led to some of the things that happened in our, our marriage. I wanted to understand his full experience and, like any- trauma or any other things. Yeah, and I never really feel like I got that and still don't. So that's why that was important for me.
Speaker 3:I think that's critical because it's like we have to recognize that they're having a different experience. This is on both sides. Yes, you know they're not thinking like you think and doing something crazy. Anyway, I know that makes it hard to you out there.
Speaker 3:But they're not having the same thoughts you are and just doing something different. You know, I think that's a big thing, so that you don't bring that into your next relationship is the ability or inability to say where are you coming from? What does this mean to you? And it may be the case that, hey, I would have talked to somebody and we would have reached the same conclusion, but we would have been more amiable about it, and it may have changed how we parented or co-parented together.
Speaker 2:I think that's a good point because I do think that as women, we're kind of like in the midst of whatever the issue is. We are definitely like I know I have been. I'm like why is it that you do not see what the problem is? How come you do not see what is going on here, Like how can you not see it from this side? Or why are you not recognizing the issue at hand? But, like you said, they're having a different experience and they're not probably seeing it the same way that the other person is, and when you're in it, it is hard to understand why they're not seeing what you're seeing.
Speaker 3:You know the reality is and this may shock you but lot of people aren't that far apart. Yeah, you know, it's not like you're seeing one country, russia, and they're seeing like the us. It's like we're actually fairly close but we can't agree on what that reality is so that we can resolve some of our issues. Yeah, and you have to figure out how do we become friends again, because when you were friends, no matter your differences, you could bridge that gap, yeah, and get on the same page yeah and I think that's one of the biggest, biggest challenges and we look for the next person oh, I think I got it with them.
Speaker 3:Then when there's a conflict, two, three divorces later, it's like it's all of these people and at some point we have to say, boy, yeah, but I played a role in that. I'm kind of the common denominator. How do I get someone to help me figure out? How do we get on the same page? Because if our audience is 50 old, there's some of those have been married more than once or twice and I'm not saying you didn't get bad luck people do all the time but you didn't just get bad luck. You know we have to look at our role in it and say, okay, what can I do differently if we want the next time to live our happily ever after?
Speaker 1:we asked this question of our last uh, yes, it was a woman from a male's perspective. What questions should you be asking while you're dating somebody and learning them and trying to figure them out, see if they're the right person for you?
Speaker 3:Should a woman be asking me or should I be?
Speaker 1:asking a woman.
Speaker 3:I think I should be asking a woman. The first question I would ask anyone would be what happens when you're in a conflict.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how do you?
Speaker 3:resolve it. What do you make of the fact that they're seeing it different? Is it their fault? Is it your fault? Is it your fault? Is it something we? Just need to fix. I don't care what we blame.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And cause I think those are bigger questions than they realize. Cause I don't care. There's no way in the world. Two people are going to see things.
Speaker 2:The same way all the time.
Speaker 3:And so when we see things and we don't get our needs met, who do we become? Do we drag down the whole happiness in the marriage? Do we blame them? Do we look within? Do we figure out? How do we bridge the gap? And I just think that's a key thing is, how do we resolve conflicts?
Speaker 2:You know, I like to ask this question of a man. I will ask the last person that you were with, whether it's your wife, your girlfriend or whatever, what was the reason that she would say? Now, you may not necessarily agree, but if she were in the room and we got a chance to ask her what was the reason why it didn't work out, what would she say? Is the reason not? What did you say? What was she? What do you know? Her answer be to the reason why the relationship didn't work out.
Speaker 3:That is so wise, tony? And the reason that is wise is you have to hear. You know, are they open? Were they able to really process it? Do they dismiss it? Oh, she say I was essentially perfect and boy, why didn't this work? Or is he able to say you know what? I couldn't hear her. And she would say you know, we got married, we got pregnant early. I didn't know what to do. I put a lot of pressure on myself to provide and we got lost. That person's a keeper because, they've reflected and they're reflecting your situation.
Speaker 3:Yes, she was just tripping, she was just tripping, he was just tripping. Da, da, da, da, da. Aren't I the wonderful victim? That's what they're going to be with you yeah, because that's still where they're at right and it's a big predictor for future success. Yes is what role did you play in it? So I I think that's a key question.
Speaker 2:Yeah, taking accountability. Yeah, taking accountability. Yeah, because you may not agree. Or I like to see what they say, to see if you know, if it doesn't work out, could that woman have been right about you know some of the reasons that it didn't work out?
Speaker 3:Right, that's advanced, I'm talking about the graduate degree, but you're picking a partner right. You don't want them to have just.
Speaker 2:GED yeah, that's right. Maybe not have that, I just dropped out, right.
Speaker 3:You want somebody that's learned and mature, and I think that's even a bigger predictor than how many times they've been married or divorced or not married at all. It's like, hey, when you have a challenge, who do you become?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah at all is like hey, when you have a challenge, who do you become? Yeah, yeah, yeah, because you want to see people in all different scenarios right and see, you know how they are right absolutely yeah.
Speaker 1:What do you think is more lasting chemistry or compatibility?
Speaker 2:oh, that's a good one.
Speaker 3:I would. I would say compatibility, compatibility, because I think friends stay together, friends don't do something you can be really compatible with someone you have no friendship you have no rules that you follow, you don't take them into account, you just do you and oh my god, but it feels so explosive.
Speaker 3:Give me about two years of them doing them. Your chemistry is probably going to be evaporated. So I think I'm not saying marry someone without chemistry, but make sure you have a good balance of both. But if you don't have a friendship with the person, yeah, and you're talking about the biggest commitment you'll make in your life I mean, you're committing to how your furniture is going to look yeah, you get all those things yeah I mean you gotta be, you gotta have someone that you can negotiate and kind of deal with and feel like I didn't get everything but I won.
Speaker 3:You know they could create a win-win. I didn't lose, it wasn't a win-lose all the time and I'm sitting here but I'm your wife or I'm your husband, so let me deal with it. You know we got to keep that level of passion there.
Speaker 2:Do you think that you can have a relationship without chemistry? Because chemistry comes and goes right in a relationship.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know it's that's a great question, because I've seen people do it without chemistry and I've seen people end it because they didn't have that chemistry. So you know, if you look at like 1950 and before, chemistry wasn't as highly a rated thing yeah but in our society, where we have so many stimuli, we have so many things, I think it's important to ask yourself can you or can't you, and how much chemistry do we need? Because all that pop and fizzle chemistry some people keep that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they do A lot of people don't.
Speaker 3:And when that's gone boy, who did I choose as a partner? And that's why I talk about the friendship. Even If I have a friend, we probably could find our way back to enough of that, Maybe even a lot of that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And we don't maybe need to keep all of it, but I think it's an important factor. Gotta like the person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3:You end of the day, it's like do I like you Because, think about it, you ever been around someone you don't like. What do you?
Speaker 2:communicate to them? Yes, right, but ever been around someone you don't like? What do you communicate? Right, but you know, if you go by social media again, again, because I, you know, we're on there, I'm on there, I'm looking, what you would see or hear is that, in general and generally speaking, the consensus is that men don't like women. That's the consensus.
Speaker 3:You know, I mean, if a man don't like women, don't marry him. I mean, you ain't going to be happy.
Speaker 2:But they marry them, anyway is the thing, and they get in relationships with them anyway and they're headed nowhere.
Speaker 3:I'm just saying if someone just into the date doesn't like you or you get that vibe. I'm being extremely honest here. Not politically, anything. It's like why marry someone that doesn't like you?
Speaker 2:But it happens all the time. But how do you not marry them or not get in relationships with them when they're pretending like they do, like you?
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, I think people get fooled and people get duped. I think someone not liking things about you is different than someone just not liking you. You know, like, hey, you need to do x, y or z. You need to be better. Who am I? The person that didn't challenge me in that way? Honestly, someone just doesn't like who I am.
Speaker 3:That's gonna get old because I ain't gonna like you because we don't like people that don't like us, and I'm not the type of person that's gonna be faithful for 30 years, 40 years, 10 years, two months with someone that doesn't like me. So, you have to ask yourself that question Can you be with someone that doesn't like you? Personally, I'm not that good at it, not that I'm so into myself, it's just I don't know how to function with that energy directed at me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, hey, Dr Shane, where do you fall on the whole topic of submission? She wouldn't submit. She thought she had me a trick question. But I've been with 6,000 couples, so I've answered you so many questions, I think, submissions, let's lean in. Let's lean in on this.
Speaker 3:I think submissions are two-way street, I think, to be successful.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Oh, I know, Did you hear that?
Speaker 3:Submission is a two-way street To really be happy. There are going to be some things you want to do I have no interest in, but I know it makes you happy, I know it makes your family happy, I know it makes you feel like a good mom, a good daughter, a good sister, a good whoever. And so I think we both have to cut a deal, because two people are not going to come into the world seeing everything the same and even if they do, they're going to evolve.
Speaker 3:And so that vantage point is going to be lost, and so we have to get somebody that is willing to say look, this means very little to me, but it means a lot to you. On that point I'll submit is that ever even? Probably not, but it has to feel like it's a good balance it has to
Speaker 3:feel like it's a healthy balance. But it's a good question because women are taught oh, I need to submit, I need to be submissive, but I'll submit on some things. But we really got to ask ourselves who really has what strength here. You know, if I get a wife that has a better financial mind than I do, I think I'm done. That's it.
Speaker 2:We heard it from Dr Shane.
Speaker 3:We heard it from Dr Shane.
Speaker 2:We heard it from the doctor himself. Okay, I didn't mean that. Please finish.
Speaker 3:It's okay, I'm going to let you have your moment. I want to know what that means.
Speaker 2:That was good, okay, yeah.
Speaker 3:But it's true, it's just like you have to know your lane. You know there are things I am not the best at. There are things that you're going to be best at and there are going to be things I'm phenomenal at. And to really be a successful couple with two people that become greater than the two. You know it's like the whole is greater than the sum, is greater than the parts. We both have to really put ourselves in a space where we accept and develop and really prosper from each other's contribution. Otherwise it's just you got frustration. You know you have major frustration. Boy, you're bright, everyone loves you, but I don't listen to you. That's kind of short shelf life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we both are in a space where we are okay with a man leading where it makes sense. Yeah, I feel like that is his strength, just like you said.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, give us guidance.
Speaker 2:I'm all for it. I agree with you.
Speaker 2:I mean I think you know again, like we said in many conversations, it's like as you get older and you're living by yourself, sometimes you know when you have. First of all, I kind of feel like this um, because I've been in situations where a man has said to me I need you to submit, and um, that definitely didn't go over too well. Uh, I'll just say and um, but I feel like anytime you have a conversation with a man that says you need to follow me or you need to submit, I feel like that's the very man you don't need to do that with, right.
Speaker 3:Right, let's, let's, let's flush that. Let's, let's, let's flesh that out.
Speaker 2:Because I feel like if we're actually having therapy in a real time here, so, but I feel like any real man whose leadership does not need to say follow me, you know what I mean. I feel like you would just lead and then, if I feel safe and I trust where you're going, I'm gonna just naturally do that.
Speaker 1:Yeah you don't have to tell me.
Speaker 2:You don't have to tell me and say I need you to follow my lead. I feel like, if we're having that conversation, this isn't probably the man I need to follow, because I want you to just do it naturally. And then let me see what you're doing and if I like it and it feels right and I trust you and it feels safe, then I'm gonna go okay, so let's talk about the exception to that rule okay, I think, overall I get what you're saying.
Speaker 3:I don't have a problem. But one day I was walking with a young lady and I don't know if you know much about DC, but they have the bridge that goes over to the bad area at the time in Capitol Hill, and so we're going there and there's these kids there and I'm like come with me. She's like no, I'm a teacher, I'm going to walk by these kids. I'm like you don't know those kids. If something happens, I have to deal with that situation. It's not a crisis, but it could become a crisis Because you got that nice-looking purse on you and if something happens, happens.
Speaker 3:I gotta deal with all these kids and we could have just avoided this. So I'm just saying there's sometimes that, as a protector, I'm gonna see something you don't see. There's gonna be some things, you see, I don't have a clue about and I have to just follow you. You know there's some things that you have strengths and let's say, yours is real estate. I just gotta say, god lord, all right, I just trust you and I'm just saying that's friendship. Yeah. If not, yeah, you win but you lose and we have to figure out how do we negotiate those. But we have to have the friendship to be able to talk through. Hey, in that situation I may come off as a complete blankety blank, but had something happened to me that could have been life or death, because I wasn't going to let those kids violate or disrespect you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I didn't know who those kids were Right, and so I get what you're saying most of the time, but there are some times where we can say that and be like you know what. I trust you enough that you have my best interest. I'm going to just shut up, and that could be either side. Yeah, and I will follow you, but now when we get through, you might want to explain this to me really well.
Speaker 3:So we keep that going, yes, but sometimes we're just not going to have the insight our person, our spouse, does, and we do have to. And I'm just saying we're talking about making it work. Yeah, and I'm just saying we're talking about making it work, yeah.
Speaker 3:And sometimes people and they may even see it wrong and be dead cocky about it Mm-hmm, and be dead wrong about it. Yeah, but it's like okay, that was big to you. Tell me why that was so important to you. Yeah, and if we do that, we can get through things.
Speaker 2:And I think what you're I mean you're talking about like some real mature communicate communication, right and so and I think that's definitely important in this whole thing like that you're communicating with each other.
Speaker 3:But look at what you just did. Like you didn't buck me, you said OK, I ain't done that way.
Speaker 1:That makes sense in real time.
Speaker 3:And I'm just saying it's just that spirit of like OK, if it makes, makes sense if it's not making sense to me. Make it make more sense. Yeah, you know, talk me through it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm open, I'm just not bucking and against everything yeah, and I need to have that trust in you, like when you said that I didn't think you were going to sit here and buck at all. Yeah, it's fairly reasonable. You know she wants to be happy and so I'm saying that's what happens when we have all these plans and we're clashing yeah. We have to step back and say OK, why is that so important to you? Yeah, you know, and ask those basic questions.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think some of us look at some of these situations like a competition. They do, just want to win.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I've won. Yeah, and sometimes, even when you win, you lose it's a challenge and it's just figuring out okay, I really need to create a win.
Speaker 3:Win like you're smart, you're dynamic, you have experience. Why don't I respect that? I do so even in this interview. I have to respect boy that's coming from a place. Probably a lot of women watching right now have that question. Probably a lot of men do too. Yeah, I remember that happened with us in South and in real time we have to be able to model. It's just an opinion. Yeah, it's not personal. You know, there's something that made you say that was important to you because you have some painful experiences where you weren't followed. Am I correct? Yes, and so it's like we have to learn to like. Okay, let's flush that out. Yeah, it doesn't mean you're trying to step on my feet. You don't know what my experiences are. Yeah, let me understand why that's so important to you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what other questions do you think are key in sort of learning about somebody in the beginning at this age?
Speaker 3:I think at this age it's like. So it's funny that you say that, because I had a gentleman recently come in and he's a professional athlete, real sharp guy, but he's used to taking control and this woman is just not that person Right, she is not giving him any of it, he's pulling his hair out and he's having to learn that, ok, I could get what I, I could get some people that would let me be that boss, but that ain't the person I really want. There's something about you that really works for me and I'm going to have to be flexible. I'm going to have to learn who you are and figure out what that means to you.
Speaker 3:I can't take this playbook out. I've had success. Let me run these same plays on you, cause you might be not taking none of that Right or, you know, you just may have a different experience. So we really got to be present and accept the fact that, ok, it doesn't matter so much that we agree or disagree, like just now. We saw things differently. We were able to listen. That's the it factor.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:The it factor is when we see stuff and we're headed in different directions and we catch each other and say what are you hearing right now? What are you responding to in this conversation? Yeah, Good point. Yeah, it is stressful enough and you need that person that you could come home, Like I said, not necessarily agree with you, be woman enough to say you know what You're dripping man Hi, why are you doing this? Excuse me, what are you talking to?
Speaker 3:Yeah, you know you need that level of trust. I think that's key. I think someone that's open to your feedback from the standpoint of, hey, this doesn't work for me, but that does, and not so defensive that everything feels like an attack, you know, like, ok, let me. I don't know, let me try it. I never thought about it, but I'll give it a shot.
Speaker 2:Can men and women actually really be friends? And I'm and I'm asking that as a real question because, like, my friendships with women are very intimate, like meaning, like my female friends are really there for me. We really, you know, talk about real issues. They get me, we get each other. Um, they understand where I'm coming from. There's a it's a soft place. It's, and I wonder at times, is this something you could actually have with a man? Like, I mean, I know I hear people say I married my best friend and boy. That sounds really nice. I mean I would like that, you know but like is that?
Speaker 2:is that really possible?
Speaker 3:I think that's kind of the super sauce, right, you know? Because for a relationship to work for an extended period of time you have to be friends. Because friends cut deals. Yeah, friends listen to you say look, okay, you know what. It ain't even my week to be doing that, but clearly you need this week, and so I'm saying it's inseparable.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I think, can men be friends with women? I feel very fortunate. I've had a lot of deep, have a lot of deep friendships with women. I think it's something that everybody doesn't have the history of and we have to figure out. Boy, what does that mean for us and who do we want to take that chance with?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think the second part of that question is because male friendships with other males don't really mirror the same kind of friendships that women want to have with men, and I'm always speaking from this side from the kind of friendships that we would like to have with men. Their own male friendships that you witness, you know, look very superficial at times, you know.
Speaker 3:I think the rules of engagement are different, which is kind of what I think you're talking about. You know, but I have, you know, and I'm not. Yes, I have deep friendships with males and females. I think I wouldn't be successful on the couch as a therapist if I couldn't connect with both in that way. To you, if that's something that you're looking to develop, make that note.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, set that as a goal. I want to be open to male friendships. I'm going to accept the fact that it looks and feels different, like I think some men they'll go down that road with you. Some men nah, I don't communicate in that way, but I bring you stuff. Yeah, I mean, you're sick, they show up with medications. Yeah, or they show up with being gay or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3:I've been gay, I know I thought that out anyway. But it's like we have to be open to seeing things differently, I think, is the key. Yeah, you know, like, ok, what do you do when it's a critical time? Some people just shut down and go inward. Yeah, some people have learned to reach out. I don't think that's a gender thing, I think that's a personal thing. Yeah, so yeah. But some men who may say you may say you shut down. I think once you express that very side of you that's supportive and caring, like hey, if you want to talk about it, I'm here to listen, not I'm tell me so I could go tell the world and that I think you do that. But it's just like it's figuring out what's the barrier yeah you know?
Speaker 3:hey, you're somebody that I think I could be a friend with. What's the barrier? Hey, are you attracted to me? Am I attracted to you? You know, let's just deal with that yeah, how much like in your practice.
Speaker 1:you've talked to a lot of couples. How much does past trauma make its way into the issues that a couple is facing? Yeah, currently.
Speaker 3:It's a lot. I mean it's it's a big thing cause it. It affects how you interpret and read the room. You know who you are. I mean if you grew up hungry, you're going to interpret things one way, versus if you've grown up full, you know. If you've grown up where things work out, you interpret it one way. If you've grown up where things people disappoint you a lot, you don't trust people.
Speaker 3:So it's just kind of really losing us and saying what does this mean in their world? You know, you just asked me for the third time am I going to do that this Friday, when I said I'd do it. You know, in my world people don't ask. They just know I'm going to show up. Why are you asking me that? And so it's really important that we understand that we see the world as we are, not as it is. So I don't need you to not see it the way that you see it. I need to be okay. Am I reflective? Do I care enough about you to try and figure out what your reality is and speak and talk in a way that we address? It doesn't mean I have to do it the way you want me to, but we at least have to be able to talk about why we're not do you think that men, or women generally speaking, bring more baggage to a relationship?
Speaker 2:um, is there, is there one that does it more? Because, as you would I mean as you. I think that most people think that women bring a lot of their past um baggage to relationship is that I think they bring different kinds of baggage different baggage.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think different kinds of baggage and a different ability to communicate about their baggage. I don't think men gotta let y'all throw you under the bus on this one, but it's like I don't think men, naturally, are taught to communicate.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like if a woman cheats on you, like say we're going to take you out and get you drunk, and you never really deal with that, but you do take it out on the next person that you see and the person after that and after that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:You know, whereas women have an environment where it's more communal and they trust each other and they talk through things. So I think there's maybe a different culture associated with gender friendship and relationships and we have to figure out okay, how do I do that with you or boy, just because that's too much for you? Does that mean the same thing for Steve to shut it down as it does for Susan to shut it down?
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:It may mean okay, I just need to approach this differently.
Speaker 2:So do you have another? I have a question. So, in your practice, like when you're seeing couples or men and women, what are some of the things that you hear men say that they wish women would do, or and vice versa? Well, I guess we could speak to the women, but what are some of the things that men are wishing women would do more of or less of, or what is it that they want? So if I had to break it down, into one word.
Speaker 3:I would say friendship, like if you know, I like to watch the game. I'll use a more stereotypical example. Okay, that's not what we're going to really talk about if I'm watching the game every night so basically don't talk to you while you're watching the game. For some people it may be that.
Speaker 3:But, generally speaking, fourth quarter is kind of off limits. You know what I'm saying. I mean, that's just a safe type of a bet. If you're not naturally interested in the game, just sit there and be quiet and enjoy it, don't. Oh, let me ask this question or that question. Someone's real intense about that. Yes, but I think it's stability. So I that question because someone's real intense about that. Yes, but I think it's stability.
Speaker 3:So I've used friendship probably for every answer, not that that's my only answer, but it's the only one that really means you could be fluid. Yeah, like a friend adapts to the situation and like, hey, I noticed that you know when the pistons are playing. He, oh, you're from detroit. Okay, he gets real serious about that. But then you got some people that are overboard with it and it's like, okay, I don't mind you being overboard, but we need to figure out how do we have our nights, because you got monday football, you got saturday football yes, you got college, you got sunday, you got thursday yeah, and you got these cable channels so you even watch it on the other time.
Speaker 3:So, hey, the important thing is we're losing our connection. You know, I want to be more connected to you. I tried learning more about sports. That didn't work. How do you let me in? And if I have a partner that can't let me in and I'm not married, this ain't changing, you know, and that may be like okay. Yeah, is this a deal breaker?
Speaker 2:because we think people are going to magically change and I think people tend to be more of who they are than less yes, yeah, yeah, very true, which I think you know is is is an important um subject to talk about, because a lot of times when you're dating, a lot of times the person that you meet in the beginning is, you know, not always you know the person that they are months down the road. Right, you're kind of meeting the person who's putting their best foot forward and so, yeah, I guess what you're saying is true.
Speaker 3:But I'm going to challenge that in a different way. I think, in addition to that happening, we tend to project more and we bought this version of them and, boy, they meet our needs and now we could live our happily ever after, instead of saying, okay and I think women are very good at that sometimes, at seeing things and saying, eh, you know, let me kind of figure this out. It's like there's what I want and need you to be, but, boy, who are you? And we need to figure that out before we get too involved.
Speaker 2:Well, what do men do? You say, women are good at that. Are men not good at that?
Speaker 3:I think men are. We do it a lot as well. We project more visually, whereas women may project based more on their connection. I think you're smarting us in that way. We think visually, it means things it doesn't mean.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 3:No, it just means she looks great in that outfit.
Speaker 3:But it doesn't mean she's necessarily someone I want to bring to my company party Right or around my family, or it may mean she is and she's just not going to look like I thought this person would look. But boy, she kind of fills in all these other blanks for me. So it's just really kind of to me assessing the situation, accepting that, okay, for the first three to six months we're going to be starstruck with each other. But after that, what happens when I challenge things?
Speaker 3:You know, who are we and what do we have?
Speaker 1:I like that. I like that. Can we talk about intimacy just for a little bit, because?
Speaker 3:I would love to know.
Speaker 1:This is another therapist. Somebody sent me a clip of it and it was talking about how, when, when men want sex, what they really want is closeness in a relationship they don't want women might view that as, oh, he just just wants my body, but you might want to just feel close to you and intimate with you in that moment and I wonder what you thought about that.
Speaker 2:That is A lot of things went through my mind.
Speaker 3:With that I mean some people. Yes, I would say that Some people, men and women sex is a means of expression. Sex and being close to you is just how that happens. So you have to look at kind of who you are and what are your needs in that situation and I say it from the standpoint of sex just means something different to all of us. You know, and I know couples that have great sex lives and they balance that really well, and then something changes. Like there's a kid. Well, if it was our ability to connect, we're maybe okay there. But if that was something and physically I'm wired such that I have to have sex three or five times or seven times a week, or even more than that boy, I'm disappointed. It happens, yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure. Well, it's just bridging that, that gap, because some people so I think of it in terms of kind of love languages.
Speaker 2:Yeah, how is this going to bring that up?
Speaker 3:Yeah, Like, if your love language is physical connection, physical acts or just being physical with somebody, you're going to experience that as a complete rejection. If your love language is gifts, you know, depending on what your love language is, you're going to experience that differently, and we think people experience it as we do. So that might be more of the question. Hey, what are your absolute needs? You know, some people it isn't sex, some people is that boy, we laugh together. We could talk about anything. Some people issue get me, it's just figuring out what's their unique love language and how do I understand and become fluent in it.
Speaker 3:You know fluent means okay. Even on the bad days, when you're not talking to me, I can kind of ask you enough questions to figure out what is it you need right now.
Speaker 2:So do men experience intimacy through sex in the same? It seems as if they don't, but it seems like they don't experience intimacy in the same way that women do, way that women do. And the reason why I ask that is because I mean, I was just thinking about that when Stacey asked the question. But a lot of times, you know, if in fact what that article said is true to me, I find it a little bit hard to believe because to me, when men want sex, they want sex, and for women it's more about the closeness, the intimacy. You know those things. It's more about the closeness, the intimacy, you know those things. But do men have intimacy in the same way through sex that women do, or do they experience intimacy other ways with women?
Speaker 3:So when you say other ways, what would be in other ways?
Speaker 2:I don't know. Is it through conversation? Is it through watching the game at sitting on the couch? The game at sitting on the couch? Is it through you know, you trusting me with some information that I'm, that I, that I, you know, don't share, or you know something like that? I don't know. I don't know which way You're asking some important questions.
Speaker 3:I'm really trying to flush them out because I think all of those things individually. You may talk to 10 people and either one of them may work for them or not work for them, but some generally population yeah, they want to get it in. Yeah, and if you don't get it in with them, boy, you're going to have a problem and you need to figure out how to really talk about that problem and solve that problem. Some people yeah, we could get it in, but I want to feel connected to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And problem some people. Yeah, we could get it in, but I want to feel connected to you, yeah, and I've seen like a lot of tension about that. I had a couple not too long ago that came in and she was like, okay, your wife for sex, you want it every day. I'll just close my eyes, wake me when you're done. And she didn't mean it in a rude way, but she tried it in every other way and it just didn't work.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 3:And he wasn't able to recognize. Hey, you know, two, three times a week might work well for you. You're trying to speak my love language. I'm consenting these other times just because I want you to be happy, and we just need to figure out how do we talk about that. You know, if you want me to be present and intense, that might be one or two times yeah you know, if you want me just to say, okay, wake me when you're done, that could be as often as you want yeah you know, but what do you want to feel after?
Speaker 3:I say it because it's important that we don't see things in a right or wrong way yeah, but we say, okay, given who I am and who you are, how do we find this place in the middle where we both could feel like I got enough to go forward, yeah. And I've also seen people say go do what you want to do. Yeah, you know. And so there are different ways that people solve those differences.
Speaker 2:I definitely think there's. No, there's definitely not a coincidence that a lot of times when you ask men like what is their love language, they generally say physical touch.
Speaker 1:Did you notice that? I don't know if I agree with that. Oh, I, that's been my experience, where um service is one that I'm I've heard.
Speaker 2:Oh, really, too, just doing, yeah, I feel like I always get you know physical touch when I, when I ask the question and I'm yeah, that probably translates to sex, maybe, or maybe not.
Speaker 3:Well, it's interesting I'm just going out on a limb here and it may be how you two are viewed by men, possibly differently. Maybe there's something about you that attracts that type of a person.
Speaker 2:And there's something about her.
Speaker 3:That may repel that huh.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, no, no, I don't want that though well and it's something to learn. But even like earlier, but that's an interesting perspective, like I never thought about that well, even earlier, when you were talking about friendship with men.
Speaker 3:Boy, that's a bit of a, that's a, it's a place I it might be a growing opportunity for me yeah and it's just figuring out who am I attracting, who am I possibly repelling? So that was just something that happened impulsively. I don't want you to say that that's any nailed down theory that.
Speaker 2:I have.
Speaker 3:But listening to you, that could be some of it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, are you trying to say I'm not sexy?
Speaker 3:I didn't mean that at all.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's what I heard.
Speaker 3:That's what you heard.
Speaker 2:That is not. I heard I'm doing too much.
Speaker 3:See what I'm saying. I can't win, but but, and I'm here trying to skate out of this, that is except the fact that I'm just here, right, I'm getting hot.
Speaker 1:I definitely appreciate the question and I see what you were trying to say. It depends on yeah perspectives, the type of men that we are, yeah, drawing into our lives.
Speaker 3:Right, but you weren't saying that people with physical touch were responding to you and she was saying she was eliciting that in the environment is what I was responding to yeah and then I remembered her earlier comment about, well, this friendship with men, thing I'm not as clear on. How do you negotiate that? So I tied those two together.
Speaker 2:He's doing his doctor.
Speaker 1:Dr Shane thing. And cleaning it up too, trying to Not so well.
Speaker 2:So what else you got, stacey?
Speaker 1:I just want to know, like from what we've all talked about so far, sort of how we come together and it sounds like it's being open to therapy. It's communicating better, improving our lines of communication with the opposite sex it is.
Speaker 3:But I gotta be honest, the people on this couch are pretty good communicators. We're communicating and I'm not saying that in the latest standpoint, we're just trained professionals, you know. So we're communicating in a way where we're asking our questions but even finding sometimes we get stumped. And I think it's the areas that we get stumped on that we have to say, boy, boy, how do I get through this? Like, why do you think my whole love language is physical touch you?
Speaker 3:know I have some other areas that are important to me. Maybe I need to find someone to help me talk through that, because I'm getting that from you and I want to connect in all these other ways and we need to figure out how to do that, and then you'll find that physical touch happens more often too. Yeah, but it's just kind of figuring out like when do we need help?
Speaker 1:Absolutely yeah.
Speaker 2:Is there a moment? I mean, how do you know when you need help? I mean I think that's a great. Is there some sort of sign or signal, or yeah?
Speaker 3:When you're seeing the same thing differently. Yeah, chances are you need an interpreter, like if I'm talking to someone that speaks japanese. Yeah, and they're not calling this an orange, they're calling it something. I don't even know what they're saying yeah boy.
Speaker 3:And if that's happening emotionally, like I'm feeling slighted, I'm feeling frustrated, I'm feeling like you don't care about me Because I've sat down with, like so I'll get a couple and his is acts of service and sex right, and hers is boy, she really is words of affirmation, yeah, and she really needs to talk through it. He likely is going to feel overwhelmed, yeah, and so not for any bad reason, not because he doesn't care, love or respect her, but it's more than he can process, and so we have to figure out okay, if we're hitting the wall on this, could there be someone out here that's seen this before? Could they help us through it and could that lead to us living our happily ever after?
Speaker 2:yeah, that's good, and you know, acts of service could also be that's true it could also be sex. So you know, you said you got acts of service right. That's what they were trying to tell you.
Speaker 1:Yeah so see, you're not, you're not sexy, you're not sexy. I think it was picking up a heavy box that I can't pick up, or run it to the store for me.
Speaker 2:Maybe or maybe it was an act of service through sex. Maybe this is a great conversation, dr Faye.
Speaker 3:I hope you'll have me back. I'm excited about your show. I'm excited about old school love language. I'm excited about it and I just I'm happy to be one of your earlier guests. I think we need more of this. We need to learn to talk about love, because we're ending up on different pages speaking different love languages and we have to figure out how do we come together yeah, all, right until the next conversation, we will definitely have dr shane back on a future episode.
Speaker 2:So we can continue this conversation yes, we will, and get to our understanding.
Speaker 1:Is there anything you want to share with our audience?
Speaker 3:just about what?
Speaker 1:you're doing?
Speaker 3:yes, please do so I want you to know it's never too late to live your happily ever after. That's my motto, that's my saying and it's important. It's never too late to live your happily ever after. And if you're wondering if it is, go get some professional help. Yeah, you know, tony and Stacey are part of a movement of people out here trying to help you live your happily ever after, except for alone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Dr Shane. Why are you at it? Because you just let our viewers know how to connect with you.
Speaker 3:Yes, African American Marriage Counseling. If you go to your computer and you type that in, I will come up. Feel free to make an appointment and let's set up a time to help you live your happily ever after absolutely, we're gonna drop that in our caption too.
Speaker 1:So thank you, guys, for joining us on another episode on the old school love lounge. Um yes your co-host stacy.
Speaker 2:I'm tony and please subscribe to our youtube page and follow us on ig and tiktok at the old school love lounge yes, we will see you on our next episode.
Speaker 1:until then, keep it grown and sexy y'all. That's right, take care guys.