a language artist at work

Ever wondered how much deeper communication could be if we moved beyond settling for flat text messages? In this episode we explore the rich tapestry of human connection, diving into how images and handwritten notes can convey emotions and messages that words alone sometimes fail to capture.  We again touch on the "text language" each person develops and how it shapes our understanding and potential for miscommunication. We also discuss the generational language gap, discussing how younger people are creatively transforming language in the digital age.

Our journey continues as we uncover the fascinating link between our body's cellular functions and our responsiveness to new information and breath. The episode emphasizes the importance of mindful breathing techniques in managing anxiety and the art of communication. We reflect on how each cell in our body "dances" to its unique rhythm, contributing to our overall well-being. Through personal stories, we highlight the vulnerability and courage required to express emotions, distinguishing between the feeling of being unsafe due to real danger and emotional exposure.

Finally, we explore the intricate balance of pleasure and pain in life, comparing it to the interplay of light and dark. The joy of creating art collaboratively is a testament to the value of authentic human connections and the richness of non-verbal communication. We discuss the importance of feeling like equals in relationships and appreciating the unique qualities each person brings. While some insights remain for future episodes, this chapter promises a continued exploration of language, connection, and self-reflection. Join us as we embark on this journey of discovering deeper meanings and stronger connections.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Okay, hello and welcome to Lana's Bedtime Podcast. So this is yet another podcast where I realized there is no context because I was processing my own feelings and I can't include that in the podcast. So I was talking to a human being and we were having a conversation over Instagram and I went into a detailed understanding of what that means for me. Then it takes off from there. I hope you enjoy. We were sending Instagram Snapchats to each other.

Speaker 1: 0:38

Now I love Snapchat for its capacity to communicate short messages with a lot of detail. What do I mean by that? A picture is worth a thousand words, right? The details in a photo provide so much in comparison to a short text message. For example, there is lighting, there's shading, there's shapes, there's texture, there's color, there's expression, there's visual cues.

Speaker 1: 1:15

In a flat text message, you are getting letters that are typed. So that would differ if you were writing something handwritten. If you wrote a handwritten note, there's going to be more information in a handwritten note for the eyeballs than a text, because a text falls into a certain font category, which means there can't be as much variation in the communication. So, for example, you know when you get into the if you're a writer and you get into the flow state of writing, you'll notice you'll start kind of writing, at least for me. I'll start writing in italics because it's like the energy is just flowing through me and it's the swiftest way I can move my pen across the paper. You don't get that in a text message, you just don't. It's just not conveyed properly. And this is what I was talking about last time, about this idea of text language and how every person has their own text language. And I was talking to my coworker today shout out, dari had the best time at work today because of him. He and I were talking about how we all have our own languages and how silly and funny it is that we all think that we're speaking English, and we are surely.

Speaker 1: 2:38

But everybody has a different idea of what a word means and sure you can know the definition. But there's also all of these things attached to the word. So it's like you learn a word for the first time, not typically from the dictionary. Especially a lot of the vocab we use is picked up in other contexts. So whenever you first hear a word, it's likely the impression it's going to hold. So whenever you first hear a word is likely the impression it's going to hold. And as children especially, we're very impressionable. So if you think about all of the words you know as a person, everybody's vocabulary is going to create a different picture for you. There's so much dimensionality to every person's vocabulary and thus every person's language. So even though everybody is speaking English, the meaning behind the words isn't just based on its definition. And you know what? It kind of frustrates me that we all think we're saying the same thing.

Speaker 1: 3:38

In today's day and age, you can no longer assume that words mean what the dictionary definition is. Think about the slang that's created, think about the new words that are being turned over and invented every single day by young people, by new generations, and you see the frustration in the older generation not understanding the younger generation. That's been a theme in my life lately. It's like the understanding gap, like parents of their young kids will not know what they are saying. And maybe I'm biased because I'm young and I didn't grow up in the past, but I think that the language barrier is getting larger and larger intergenerationally and I think it's because, as young people, we have generative capabilities. We are not as programmed. We are very impressionable, like I said. So young people with more communicative expressive freedom, more platforms to put their voice out there, meaning there are a million dimensions through which they can connect online as young people, million dimensions through which they can connect online as young people. Now they have the opportunity to have more creativity in this dimension of communication and this dimension of language. In the same way, they have expressive freedoms in other creative aspects traditionally creative aspects.

Speaker 1: 5:00

But language I feel most people don't see it as a creative art. People think of language more so in that rigid, and this is just a hunch. I don't know the data on this, but it seems as though people take language as a subject like math, reading, writing, language, english right, it's a core subject in school. Here we go with the school metaphor. It can't stay out of my head when you learn a language, it's a class in school and it feels different. English feels different than art class. For me, the sentiment behind it now is almost the same. In fact, some of my most creative work was done in English class. Right, like when you're analyzing a book or you're writing an essay. There are very creative elements of it, but it's also a skill. Like writing is also a skill, just like in the sense that drawing is a skill. But when you're not worried about the skill, there's more flow and the creativity goes. And then it's like almost like you reflect after and say, okay, what could I have done better? And that's when you practice the skill.

Speaker 1: 6:16

Creativity is generative. Just like young people are making up new words, to me, saying things or hearing things for the first time gets me excited. When somebody strings together words that I've never heard strung together before, I am going to ask what they mean, because it's like asking the artist's intention while looking at a painting. And I have always been obsessed Ever since I was younger and my dad started taking me to museums been obsessed ever since I was younger and my dad started taking me to museums. I would be able to appreciate the art, sure, but I would always always ask. I would say I wonder why he made this or she let's not get my gender bias in here I wonder why they made this piece. What were they thinking when they made it? What does it represent? Why did you make it?

Speaker 1: 7:09

I was so interested in the feeling behind the piece. I wanted to imagine the process from start to finish. I don't just want to experience the finished product. I can. It is fun to see and appreciate beauty, but to me it has more value when you see the whole storyline. I love being imaginative, for sure. I love seeing a piece of art and saying to myself, wow, like in creating what it could be in my head, and maybe what is in my head is even better than what the artist intended. But I would still ultimately want to and value a conversation with the artist and say, hey, this is what I got out of this, what did you get out of this, and see how they align.

Speaker 1: 7:57

Before in my past I used to want to be correct, I wanted to be right, I wanted to get the artist's intention right, and there is an element of satisfaction out of that. But it's the element that I've talked about time and time again, which is the element of feeling satisfied and getting that validation that you were right. That is a fleeting feeling that is brought up within me, at least in school. But alignment, aligning with the intention right, seeing the connection between the artist's original intention and your interpretation, that's where the excitement and the joy really lies for me. Now, like when I see a piece of art done by somebody, not only do I want to understand their intention for the piece. But I also want to discuss my interpretation of the piece and I want to talk about how those align and how they differ, because that's how we connect and that's how we value the unique perspective each of us had.

Speaker 1: 8:57

Oh, I didn't think of it like that. That's so interesting Now. There's entertainment value. Now there's new knowledge being shared, there's learning happening, and that is so fun In daily life. That is so fun because school robbed me of the opportunity to enjoy learning and now, as an adult, I want to enjoy learning as much as possible. Sometimes I enjoyed learning in school, but it was when I liked the teacher, because I thought of I didn't think of it consciously, but I'm reflecting on it now as the teacher is creating the art of teaching and I am doing the act of the art of learning, and I want to know that the artist's intention, the teacher's intention for the course is aligned with my interpretation of the course. And sure, that can be operationalized as taking a test and getting a good grade, but that's like touching the surface of what I want. What I wanted to do was resonate with the teacher.

Speaker 1: 9:54

I wanted so desperately to connect with people and the level of connection that I was getting just felt starved Like. Ever since I was younger I've wanted deep connections with people, and deep doesn't even capture what I'm talking about. Deep is overused. It's a word that has a negative connotation to so many. So many of us were told either we were too deep or not deep enough. It's a triggering phrase. I remember one of my ex-girlfriends told me over and over again it's not that deep and it felt so invalidating. At the time I was like what do you mean? It's not that deep. Of course it's that deep. And then I thought about it and I reflected on it because I tried to see the best in everyone. And what I realized is like when somebody says it's not that deep to me, it's simply because they presume. It's not always this way. But I interpreted it as they are thinking that I'm making complexity out of nothing and typically it implies that they don't enjoy making complexity. I occasionally enjoy questioning and making complexity where there is simplicity.

Speaker 1: 11:07

I like oscillating from complexity to simplicity in my daily life because it's fun for me to make sense of the fact that I am on a floating rock in the middle of space, in the solar system, in the Milky Way, just fucking hovering here. In order for my brain to be okay with that, I need to oscillate between the simple and the complex. I need to oscillate between the macro and the micro. I need to understand, yes, I'm a human on this earth and, yes, I need to take a shit, but also I'm an ant on a floating space orb where they measure distance in light years space orb where they measure distance in light years. These are concepts that go from micro to the infinite of macro and what's fun for me is to practice going from simple to complex in my daily life so I can see the recurrence and I can see the patterns, because it makes me feel comforted, it makes me feel at home to be able to see complexity and simplicity embodied in each other, to say, wow, this is actually so complex but it's actually so simple. There's such a satisfaction that I get out of that, into knowing that I am connected to everything that is. But I'm also just here right now and there's such a joy that I get from that.

Speaker 1: 12:21

So I'm going to try to invigorate my conversations with that sentiment. I will ask very, very detailed questions and then I'll bounce out and be like interesting and I'll sit with that for a bit and I'll let it resonate in my body. When somebody tells me new information, I let it resonate in my body, or I try to let it resonate in my body. And if you picture something that you're listening to and letting it resonate and resonate means vibrate at a specific frequency, right? So think of all of your cells in your body are dancing at a particular rate and the particular dance that they're doing is going to give them a particular role and a particular function. So, for example, all of the cells within your liver are doing the liver dance, and that's how all of the liver cells identify each other and hang out with each other, because they're all doing the liver dance and that's why they stay there, that's why they do what they do, all of that good stuff. In the same way, your skin cells are doing the skin dance, right, and they all have a particular frequency and they all have a different pattern of behavior that make them do the things that they want to do.

Speaker 1: 13:27

Okay, so when you hear something, you eat something, something is making your body change patterns, which is everything you do. So you're always moving in some regard, even if it's just mentally or emotionally, even if you're not moving your body or your muscles. I should say I could go on and on forever, because there are billions and billions and billions and billions and billions and billions of cells in your body, let alone neurons in the brain Exponential. We're talking light years. Okay, we're talking light years. Think about how many cells are in your body, right, and I keep making this joke, and I'm going to make it here because I think it's really fucking funny. Justice for cells. Think about all the unheard cells in your body. Think about how much of your body goes unheard every single day, how little attention you pay to your cells. I mean, some of them don't want your attention, some of them if you give your attention to them. Actually, I don't know if that's necessarily true. I'm thinking like we always have.

Speaker 1: 14:31

Like when you learn in school, you learn that you're like you have an automatic nervous system or an autonomic nervous system and a peripheral nervous system, and you have to be conscious of some things and not of others. For example, how do you just breathe and you don't have to think about it, right? And then you ask yourself should I be thinking about it? And my answer would honestly probably be okay, putting a little pin in there. I stutter. It has occurred to me that I stutter when I get excited and my brain gets going. I stutter and I recognize that. I am self-conscious about it and it makes me stop having a good train of thoughts and it bothers me. So and I can't qualify myself as having a stutter because it only comes out sometimes, but it comes out at inconvenient times and it frustrates me because I want to just be able to keep going, but because it startles me and I'm like concerned about it, I stop and now I don't know where I was.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Let me take oh, I was going to say let me take a deep breath to calibrate, to calibrate, yeah, I said, should we be thinking about our breath? Why were we taught that we breathe automatically? Yes, we breathe automatically to stay alive, but our breath does so much more than that, our breath tells us so much more than that. So if you think about all of the cells that are taking in oxygen, your cells need oxygen. So if your cells are crying out for help, you're going to take a deep breath. Think of it that way, right?

Speaker 1: 16:03

And if you don't let them have oxygen, they're going to start panicking and your cells are going to start vibrating faster and it's going to indicate to you at a conscious level that you need to take a deep breath. That's why when you're having a panic attack as evidenced in Inside Out 2, such a good portrayal of a panic attack when you have a panic attack, you start breathing really fast because your cells are panicking, they're like oxygen, I need oxygen, I need oxygen, I need oxygen, I need oxygen. And it gets to the conscious level but it feels like you're not getting any oxygen because you're taking shallow breaths. So when you're having a panic attack, you're having anxiety, you need to move the breath downward. And how do you do that?

Speaker 1: 16:48

And I guess the answer would be like through skill and practice, right, circling back to kind of the first thing I was talking about here, which is this idea of like art and skill and things that you learn. We never learned breathing right Because everybody's like well, that's so silly. Everybody knows how to breathe. Yeah, everybody knows how to breathe, in the same way that every talking person knows how to talk. There's still an artful skill and a skillful art to talking. And there's still an artful skill and a skillful art to breathing. And I feel like, along with most things, everything is not everything, but most things are gatekept behind institutions and it's like trickle-down economics in the sense that, like the experts from the past, are deciding what is valuable information to learn and know in an institution such as school. And I just feel like there's so many more things that we could be sharing with each other that have value, and one of those things for me is communication and staying aligned and in touch with yourself.

Speaker 1: 17:57

I want to talk more personally, but I am nervous about it. I know that if I use this in a podcast in the future, I'm going to cut out the personal stuff which makes me feel really safe and like it's so scary because it's like oh, is it unsafe because there's danger, or is it unsafe because I'm vulnerable? Those are two different origin stories for unsafe. Unsafe could mean there's real danger, meaning fight or flight is activated. There is something you should be running from. There is danger to you and your body, but additionally, vulnerability is going to feel very similar, except it's good for you to be vulnerable, but it's not good for you to be vulnerable around people who are going to hurt you.

Speaker 1: 18:52

But if somebody looks you in the eyes and tells you that they're not going to hurt you? But if somebody looks you in the eyes and tells you that they're not going to hurt you, would you believe them, even if they had a track record of hurting you indirectly? And is it up to you to remove yourself from a situation where you are continuously getting hurt by choice? And what does that mean for you? Does that mean you are actively self-harming in that way? You are actively seeking out pain a la another person's words. And if people's words are hurting you, what kind of picture are they painting? And do you want to go to that museum? Think about it that way.

Speaker 1: 19:32

If you are not pleased with something somebody is saying, think of whatever words they're stringing together as a piece of art and then ask yourself do I want to be at this museum? Sometimes the things people I love say really hurt me and they are painful. And if the things that people are saying are painful, the next question you should ask yourself is is there value to this pain? And if not, why would I put myself in this situation? Do I have to be here? For example, if you grow up in a household where your parents, your parents' words or expression give you a lot of pain, then you can't really remove yourself right. So you might choose to see value in it. So that way you can cope with the fact that you have to experience this pain. So you're going to make value where maybe there isn't any.

Speaker 1: 20:30

Everybody should utilize people's reactions. When you say something, when you do something, and the person reacts in a specific way, that's information for you to integrate. For example, if you're a stand-up comic and you make a joke on stage and nobody laughs, that's going to be a reaction that's notable for you. So that way you can integrate that information into your next set, especially if your livelihood depends on it. However, if you are a stand-up comic and you are doing a show and afterwards somebody comes up and gives you advice on how to do your next joke or gives you feedback on the things that they did or did not like, that is now feedback.

Speaker 1: 21:12

It is not just an authentic reaction. The authentic reaction in this comedy skit example would be whether or not the person laughed, and then their conscious feedback afterwards is not necessarily just a reaction. It's conscious feedback, it's criticism, it's a choice to share and while we can listen and skim for value, we shouldn't put too much weight on other people's feedback. We should instead value their reaction and integrate that and give ourselves our own feedback and reflect. Giving yourself your own feedback is called reflection and it's the most valuable feedback you can give yourself, because you know, in terms of being an artist, you created art with a specific intention and the reaction will tell you whether the intention was received in an aligned fashion or not and if there was a discrepancy and this is the fun part when you're communicating with people if you have something, if your words okay, if you're an artist and your words are your medium, the artist's intent in some cases, in most cases, is to say words that paint the picture that they intend right and then, based on the reaction of the other person, then you can see if how the painting was interpreted, and then you can share this interpretation and the natural reaction.

Speaker 1: 22:43

So my favorite thing when I'm in conversation with people is when I say something and go oh my gosh, that made me think about the time. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. That's a reaction. So, for example, if I'm talking and I notice when I bring up a certain topic or I bring up a certain phrase, people in my life tend to do the same thing. I will learn that reaction and integrate that information More explicitly. Let's think of something together.

Speaker 1: 23:13

One thing that I notice a lot about is if I'm talking and somebody says you know the word think, or they get in their heads or they start doing their nervous tick. So if I'm talking to somebody and they start picking their lip or they start picking their nails or they start bouncing their knee or they start using cognitive cues, like you know, looking around in their heads for a word or you know anything that gives a sign of somewhat distress, meaning they're thinking or concentrating. I take note, because I don't want people to really be thinking that hard when we're talking. I really don't want people to think that hard when we're talking. When I'm talking to somebody, I want it to be more of a flow state and I want to invite people into the flow state Because when I'm doing this, for example, and I don't have an audience, I have a potential audience in the future that I'm not really paying attention to. Really, I'm just saying what I want to say right now and it's flowing through me like there's no tomorrow. There is nothing better than this, besides doing it with another person, where you create a flow state and you can go back and forth in this perfect ebb and flow to create a language art piece.

Speaker 1: 24:35

The conversation is the collaboration, the conversation is the art piece. And after a conversation comes to a close, which is typically, for me, indicated by a greeting like good night or hello, like conversation to me, could last all day. You could have subtopics, but from the opening of the conversation to the end of the conversation, that is a collaborative art piece and I think it's important as individuals and as pairs or in a group, when you have a conversation, to reflect, both alone and with others, on how you felt about the conversation. What did you intend in the conversation? Were you present for the conversation? What art did it create? And if you are creating art and you are creating a collaborative painting and you want the theme of the painting to be your feelings, which are bright and happy, and you're continuously painting bright and happy themes, but the person you're talking to is continuously painting negative themes, now, you're continuously painting bright and happy themes, but the person you're talking to is continuously painting negative themes. Now you're stuck trying to understand how this is a cohesive art piece and can. It be a cohesive art piece and you can reflect on that on your own. But ultimately you're going to need to have another conversation with the artist's intention of understanding how the darkness and the light in this painting can connect and that's going to get you to a closer state of being with this person so you can understand them on a different level, connect with them on a different level.

Speaker 1: 26:10

Everybody just wants to be understood. I do. I know people in my life do, and we don't really allow ourselves to admit that often, like it's almost shameful that we want to be understood and validated, at least for me. I've held a lot of shame around wanting validation, but I want validation because I want to be seen and heard and I want people to laugh at my jokes, for example. And I want people to laugh at my jokes, for example, because I want to know that the listener understood the artist's intent and, in a way, the world's my stage and that's what makes life fun for me. I love seeing myself reflected in other people and every perspective, every reaction has value and I choose to see the value in every single interaction I have.

Speaker 1: 27:01

I am not going to interact with somebody if I don't see value in interacting with them. The question remains often for me as why do I like? I question like why do I see value in interacting with this person again, especially if the feelings that are evoked during the interaction are negative? And then I say to myself okay, some part of me, right, some part of me wants these negative feelings to be evoked, wants the negative feelings to be expressed, meaning it serves a purpose. I'm always looking to optimize the way in which I do things. So then the next question is okay, do I need to be doing this particular activity to evoke negative emotions within me, or can I do it in a more beneficial way, a faster way, something that feels better?

Speaker 1: 27:50

But if, ultimately, I'm going to be feeling negative things in my life, and if I can experience a negative, sad sentiment paired like a wine and cheese with something pleasurable, I'm going to do it. And that's why people pair pleasure and pain together, and it's like the light and the dark, the yin and the yang. How can we make these things connect? How can both be true? How can we have light and dark be true? How can we have light and dark? How can we both show up and be the truest versions of ourselves and connect in. I was going to say the deepest way, but I said earlier that the word deep doesn't encapsulate what I'm trying to say, and it's true, like the most dimensionality, right, you want it to be the most expansive, which even expansive I don't like either. I'm trying to find a new word for it, but I haven't come up with one yet, so let me know if you think of one. I just want to finish off by saying this there is nothing to me that feels better than feeling like a muse.

Speaker 1: 28:53

I love when my friends and the people I absolutely adore inspire me to create beautiful art. This podcast was prefaced and inspired by a conversation I had with somebody I love earlier today, and that just brings so much joy to my heart because, although I'm creating this with that as inspiration, in the future I hope to create collaborative art with this person, and that's really cool. Ultimately, my goal is always to create collaborative art with people, and that's really cool. Ultimately, my goal is always to create collaborative art with people. As much as I love doing this on my own and sharing my message and my story, this is just part of me. There are parts of me that want to interact with others. To connect with others, to transmute and change in a direction of others, so I can connect with more people.

Speaker 1: 29:49

I don't want to be a part of the loneliness epidemic. I don't want to just sit in my bedroom and record podcasts and post them on the internet to an echo chamber. I want to interact with people. I want interaction. I want engagement in an authentic way. I want to hear what people have to say about what I'm saying. I want to know if it resonates. I want an honest reaction and while podcasting allows me to share, it doesn't necessarily allow me to converse, which is why I do TikTok Live and I post on social media. But I love getting comments. That's the most fun for me. When I'm on TikTok Live, I just sit and read the comments because I want to be swept away and I want to be taken into other people's consciousness.

Speaker 1: 30:34

I want to see what it's like to try on you know different outfits for the day and it's really fun. But it can also be really painful sometimes to try on somebody's outfit and it not look good on you and that's traumatizing. It's like I said in my last podcast I want to be naked and afraid and I do regret it. Sometimes I do find it challenging, sometimes I do think it's hard to raw dog life, but it's the most meaningful, it's the most meaning I've been able to make in my life. So again, the question arises right, is there another way to experience the thrill of being alive without being naked and afraid? And what is the answer to that? All right, that's all I have for you. Today. I have more feelings in my heart, but they aren't podcastable, if that makes sense. They are private and they are in progress. They are live and in progress. They are not words that have formed yet. Oh, I'll leave you with this piece of wisdom that I hope you absolutely consider yourself blessed in hearing, because I felt myself feel blessed by coming up with it. Okay, you ready.

Speaker 1: 31:48

Words are a language. Only part of you knows. Words are a language. Only part of you knows how fucking beautiful is that. Whenever you can't find the word to express something, whenever you have a feeling and you want to translate it and communicate it with somebody, but you can't figure out the words, take a deep breath and recognize that words are a language only part of you knows. And if the part of you that knows words hasn't made connection with the part of you that's feeling or thinking or what have you, then it's going to take a lot of effort to try to translate. So just don't Let it rest, let it sit, take a deep breath. You can try to connect it if you want, but just trust that there are other ways to express yourself.

Speaker 1: 32:39

Like I say all the time, not everybody is a verbal processor, not everybody is a, you know, oral communicator. That is my forte, it is what I am skilled at and what I enjoy. It's what I love. Some people can communicate via eye contact so well. Some people can communicate via body language so well. So don't get discouraged. I believe that our society and our culture values written and verbal communication the most. But there is something so valuable in other forms of communication that aren't oral that I feel like doesn't get celebrated enough, because I am not as proficient in those levels of communication as I am verbal. So when somebody else has a different preference for communication, it's just as much fun for me to learn their language as it hopefully is for them to learn mine.

Speaker 1: 33:37

But I never wanted to feel stressful. I wanted to feel like two people right, or three or four or five, whatever how many people you want to understand, feeling like you're learning a new language, but not in the sense that you're in Spanish class and you're going to be tested, but in the sense that you're going to Spain and you want to know the language. Does that make sense? So try not to get discouraged and remember that if part of you can't express the feeling that you want to express, trust that it's meant to be felt before it's meant to be expressed, it's meant to be felt before it's meant to be expressed. It's meant to be felt before it's expressed. And sometimes the expression and the feeling happen at the same time, but ultimately, the feeling is the priority.

Speaker 1: 34:20

Feelings exist to feel Primarily. Feelings exist to feel Secondarily. Feelings exist to express, to share, to resonate, to connect, and we wouldn't be able to connect if you didn't feel, and that's why it's so important to get in touch with your feelings. That's why I'm constantly trying to align myself so that way I can consider myself blessed for the feelings that I have, rather than being scared or overwhelmed or stressed by them, because our feelings provide us great information as to where to go next, but they aren't everything. They aren't everything. There's so much to us, not just feelings.

Speaker 1: 35:03

So listen to yourself, listen to your heart, consider yourself blessed today. Think to yourself. How can I consider myself blessed today? How can I communicate to the people in my life that I love so dearly? How can I feel like a blessing today? One of the best questions that my therapist said the other day was ask people how they can support you in a way that brings them out at their highest and best. You want to surround yourself with people that, when they support you, they show up for you, they do things for you. It's because it makes them a better person and they enjoy it, and vice versa. You want to link up and connect with people where supporting each other challenges perhaps, but also brings you out at your highest and best and it makes you feel good. It may not always be comfortable, but, longevity wise, you're feeling good and that's what's important.

Speaker 1: 36:00

We're not on this earth to experience just pain or suffering. We are on this earth to experience the ebbs and flows and the oscillations of the yin and yang of fear and love, and pain and pleasure, and you can't have one without the other. You simply cannot. Pain and pleasure are coupled together in the same way love and fear are. If you love something and you're not scared to lose it, do you really love it? Perhaps you practice non-attachment and you're not scared necessarily to lose it, but you know that your life will drastically change and that things won't be what you want. It's challenging, you know, in like the Buddhist communities, in spiritual communities, they're always like practice non-attachment. I've said this before Practice non-attachment. I've deleted all the things from my computer. I've gotten rid of all of my clothes before. I've practiced minimalism.

Speaker 1: 36:56

Trying to detach yourself from the things that keep you stagnant is valuable. To be able to continuously evolve is valuable. But if you want to continuously evolve around one person, for example, you are going to form some sort of attachment to them if you want them to be close to you. But attachment may not be the right word for it, but attachment, it just has a negative connotation in my head. But I want to like recode it. You know, it just feels so good to be so close to somebody. It feels so good to be committed to somebody. It feels so good to know that there is mutual respect and trust and love with somebody. It feels so good to have a safe space to be yourself with somebody. Those things all come from being committed and dedicated to one person or multiple people, but I just don't know if a polyamorous situation would ever be something I could work through.

Speaker 1: 38:04

But I also still in my life, feel like I am too much for one person and that's just me being me. Like I will have conversations with people and I will end the conversation and the other person will be tired and I will have more to say and I don't know I'm trying to understand is this a coping mechanism that I always have more to say? Am I overanalyzing things? But I try not to overanalyze that concept because you know I enjoy it. It is really fun to get into this flow state and to feel and to hear and to talk and to listen. That's fun for me. But I also know I have some feelings right now. I have some personal feelings right now that are dictating what I'm saying and I do really want to say more, but I want to say more to a specific person and I don't want to put that on the internet. Do you know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1: 39:02

Like, there are some things that are private. There are some things that are special, that are sacred, private. There are some things that are special, that are sacred, and I can generalize things and share my thoughts and my wisdom from the personal relationships that I have with people, but ultimately it's those personal relationships that feel so special and I hope the loved ones that I have in my life feel really good, knowing that they are an inspiration to me. I'm so grateful for the people who choose to show up and support me in a way that brings themselves out at their highest and best, and the moment people are around me and they're doing more for me than they are for themselves is the moment I say, uh-uh, honey, we're not doing that In my presence. You must be doing as much for yourself as you are for me. That is just a necessary fact.

Speaker 1: 39:50

I need that in my life. I need that in my relationships, in my friendships, in my partnerships, in my family. I like that. That makes me feel good, it makes me feel valuable in the same way that you are valuable and it makes me feel reciprocal, and reciprocality is one of the most important things for me.

Speaker 1: 40:10

In any connection that I'm in. I want to feel like equals with the people I spend my time with, because I see value in them and I want them to see value in me, and I want to be able to revel and share in the beautiful value that we have, whether it be a different color, whether it be a different texture, a different style. I want to share value. Thank you so much for listening. I feel like I've said a lot of things, but I don't know how long this has been and I still have more to say. But, like I said, it's in my heart. It's under lock and key. Right now it is not ready to be shared, and when it is ready to be shared, I promise I will give you the other side of the wisdom that I've sought from this experience. Thank you so much for listening and I will see you in the next one.