Have you ever wondered what it truly means to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable? In this episode, I share my journey in embracing radical honesty and the profound impact it has had on my relationships and personal growth. By leaning into my vulnerability, I learned to differentiate between hiding my truths and simply not being ready to share them. This distinction has been key in protecting myself while fostering authentic connections. Recounting heartfelt conversations and the invaluable lessons from my upbringing, I reveal how honesty can be both a shield and a bridge to deeper connections.
Join me as I delve into the wisdom imparted by my mother and therapist, and how those lessons have guided me. Uncover the power of getting out of someone else’s head and heart, and why allowing all parts of ourselves to be seen is crucial in building real, meaningful relationships. Whether you struggle with vulnerability or seek to strengthen your connections, this episode offers insights that can transform how you relate to others and yourself.
Have you ever wondered what it truly means to be honest, even when it's uncomfortable? In this episode, I share my journey in embracing radical honesty and the profound impact it has had on my relationships and personal growth. By leaning into my vulnerability, I learned to differentiate between hiding my truths and simply not being ready to share them. This distinction has been key in protecting myself while fostering authentic connections. Recounting heartfelt conversations and the invaluable lessons from my upbringing, I reveal how honesty can be both a shield and a bridge to deeper connections.
Join me as I delve into the wisdom imparted by my mother and therapist, and how those lessons have guided me. Uncover the power of getting out of someone else’s head and heart, and why allowing all parts of ourselves to be seen is crucial in building real, meaningful relationships. Whether you struggle with vulnerability or seek to strengthen your connections, this episode offers insights that can transform how you relate to others and yourself.
Hello and welcome to Lana's 2am podcast. Welcome in, welcome in. One of the ways in which I feel energized is through radical honesty and vulnerability. Now, there's something about my radical honesty that actually empowers me through my vulnerability. So it doesn't necessarily feel as painful to be vulnerable or scary, because my honesty I've leaned into my honesty enough to know that it gives me better outcomes. And most of the negative things occur in my life when I'm not showing somebody the full truth or I'm withholding information that I do want to share.
Lana Jade:
I've made a comparison in the past, talking about the difference between hiding something versus not being ready to share, and I think that discrepancy is important, because when you're hiding something from somebody, it's because you are actively withholding information that you want to share. You're hiding it because you think that other person will react a certain way. You don't want them to see it. You're uncomfortable, you're scared, right, you're hiding. I've talked about this as like crouching behind your shield no matter how well decorated and how accurately it depicts you, it's still not you, and ultimately, when you're in a connection with somebody else, they will never get to know the real you if you do not show them the real you. And so recently I had the opportunity to be radically honest with the people in my life and when I did that, I received the results that I've always yearned for in my life.
Lana Jade:
I always hated lying. Growing up, I hated lying. My mom. When I asked her, like recently, I said, mom, what do you think the most important thing is that you taught my sister and I like growing up, like what do you think it was the biggest lesson you taught us? And she said never lie. And that definitely didn't feel like explicitly taught to me. It's just something that's in my bones.
Lana Jade:
When you're in a situation where you know that that lying is going to hurt you and telling the truth is going to hurt somebody else, you can let people know that they don't have access to some information. There are some parts of us that we want to keep to ourselves. We're not necessarily hiding them. This is the tough contrast, right? Are we hiding parts of ourselves because the other person doesn't have access to that type of information? In a scenario in which you need to protect yourself from another person or a situation, yes, you absolutely would say things like unfortunately, like you don't have access to that information. I don't know how you would say it in a colloquial sense, but that's just the sentiment that I'm getting and I've never felt comfortable saying that up until this point, and I'm excited to exercise it with people who I feel like maybe aren't ready for the information I have to share, and that's okay. Like I always feel guilty making that judgment, like you know, at some point you are making a judgment, you have an intention and ultimately, my intention is to bring joy and uplift and I can't avoid pain forever and I can't avoid pain in another human being.
Lana Jade:
And another valuable lesson from my therapist just get out of their head and heart. Get out of their head and heart when you start talking to somebody about a situation and you start hypothesizing how the other person is going to feel. I see this all the time when I'm working with people and they talk to me about how, like yeah, well, they had a lot of childhood trauma and it's her abandonment issues and it's the reason why blah, blah, blah and it's like, ok, great, did they express those things to you explicitly? Have you had conversations about it? Have you made space for the parts of that person who you see these patterns in? Have you had a conversation with that person Because likely not. Have all of your parts gotten into a room with another person's parts? Sounds scary Sounds, vulnerable Sounds. Have all of your parts gotten into a room with another person's parts? Sounds scary sounds, vulnerable sounds, naked.
Lana Jade:
In my opinion, one of the things I want in a partner is somebody who's going to be able to sit down with me and be able to have a conversation with all parts of me, and I discovered this the other day when I was interacting with somebody I love very much and I realized there was a part of me that came, that showed up into the conversation. There was a part of me that showed up in our conversation that had never shown up before, and the person responded to me in a very pleasant way, being like oh, who was that? And it felt really, really sweet to be reacted to in that way, not in an accusatory way, like oh, who was that, like I don't recognize this person and I hate them, but in a delighted way, like oh, I haven't met this part of you before and I'm excited to see what's next. And that's what vulnerability is, that's what radical honesty is. It's showing up.
Lana Jade:
But in that moment, for me personally, that was an automatic thing, you know, when parts of me feel safe, they come out automatically. I'm not consciously conjuring them. That's not really what I'm doing. In fact, I try not to do that. I want to trust more and more that the things that I'm saying in the stream of consciousness that I have are 100% pure of what I need to share. And so when I'm, you know, recording my content, I don't exactly know what I'm saying, but I know I have a message and I know it needs to get out. I take you guys on a trip. I take you guys with me on my journey of my internal landscape, which I'd be happy to explain in a later time.
Lana Jade:
When I'm navigating my internal landscape, I am accessing different parts of myself. And remember, I always say the most important thing to me is alignment, because when you are aligned, you vibrate at the frequency that attracts what you really want, and parts work is about getting aligned and being on the same page. So, even if all parts of you aren't showing up and aren't fully present because, like I've said in the past, like you would like blow somebody's mind if all of you showed up to the function so there are going to be parts of you that step forward and, you know, enact the vocal cords and the body. And the way to connect to the parts of yourself are, I found, through the breath, through song, through words, through looking into somebody's eyes and, yeah, most importantly, just taking a deep breath and recalibrating.
Lana Jade:
Having a dialogue with myself out loud is very valuable. I know there are some people out there who are very skilled at the ability to internally monologue and sort things out internally. I'm just not one of those girls. I need to have things externalized, albeit through drawing, through written word, through spoken word, anything like that. There needs to be expression, because only then do I feel like I can transform what's been expressed into the meaning I want to make. So I had another conversation with the same person and we were talking about the stories that we tell ourselves and I was expressing a memory from the past and I was saying like, this is how I experienced it, these are the feelings that I had, this is the story I was telling myself. Okay, now you tell me what you experience in the feelings that I had. This is the story I was telling myself. Okay, now you tell me what you experience in the story that you're telling yourself.
Lana Jade:
And ultimately, when two people come together, or more, depending on the goal. When two or more people come together and they share their stories of the same moments, that is indicative of two people not being present in the same moment. If you have two different experiences of one moment and your experiences are vastly different, that means that you were in your own state of mind, you were in your own world and it is up to you to communicate the differences so you can become on the same page. However, how to transform that in the future with a person is to stay conscious and present in the moment. So when you feel them kind of slipping back or vice versa, if you feel like you are slipping back, you can draw your attention forth and ground yourself to the present moment. How can you connect to the present moment?
Lana Jade:
So, for some people that might be looking into their eyes, that might be holding hands, that might be hugging, that might be kissing, that might be laying down next to somebody and like looking at the sun, it might be, you know, whatever it is, it has to be a grounded connection. It doesn't have to be, but in my case it does. I need to stay grounded, especially if I'm feeling triggered or I'm feeling like the stories that I'm telling myself aren't representing who I really am, and parts of me are going to want to step up and talk. Parts of me are going to want to step up and you know, take control of the car. And if you don't let a certain part of you drive the car ever, when they get behind the wheel they're going to be like an anxious 16 year old trying to learn how to drive. That's going to be terrifying for all of you, because the part of you that's learning how to drive is going to be scared. And then the rest of you are watching the part of you learn how to drive and you're terrified that you're going to crash and burn.
Lana Jade:
So you have to hold space for the parts of you that haven't seen the light of day and allow yourself to feel joy and excitement as well as a little bit of nervousness when they peep their head out, but trust that they've been training their whole life for this. The part of you that hasn't seen the light of day has been internally training and ready to show its head, because what happens is you have a belief that you can do something, but until you actually do it, you don't have the evidence and you need the proof. You need the proof and the pudding so that way you can go forth in your life and trust that you can get the things done that you want to get done. You can accomplish the things you want to accomplish because you have the evidence, but until you take the action from the mind space and put it into the body and start doing the things that you know you can do, it's going to feel not that great. It's going to feel like all of you isn't showing up. It's going to feel like that part of you is shamed and is guilty and isn't good enough, but you've never really given it the chance. I don't know about you, but I've never given all the parts of me a chance to drive the car, because I'm terrified it's going to crash and again, that's valid and that's important to understand. However, that part of you needs to learn how to drive the car. Maybe they always drive the car with supervision. That's okay, but just trust that, like you know, all parts of you are good and I'm gonna, you know, continue to talk about Inside Out too it.
Lana Jade:
But the final part was you know you can't curate who you are as a person you are, who you are based on, who you've been, where you are, what you're doing, how you've acted. And the more you suppress or the more you question about the things you've done in the past, the worse you're going to feel about yourself. And you should always feel joy and confidence over the choices you've made in the past. And if you haven't felt joy for the choices you've made in the past, you have to reconcile that with either yourself or the other parties involved and say hey, listen, I wasn't 100% candid with what I was saying, I wasn't really showing up, I wasn't really present, and you have to own up to that. And that's going to make you feel bad temporarily, but in the long run it will make you a more honest, trustworthy person and you will cultivate more strong relationships in your life from that. At least, that's what I've learned. All right, I hope you have an amazing night. Thank you all for listening and I'll see you in my next one.
