Ever wondered how embracing your hidden self could transform your life? This episode is a deep dive into self-awareness and personal growth, where I share personal anecdotes and insights about connecting deeply with others, eliminating the need for guesswork in understanding their thoughts. We discuss the profound impact negative thinking patterns can have on our energy fields and provide practical strategies to find purpose in pain, allowing us to overcome life's challenges. Reflecting on my own journey, I highlight the importance of recognizing and nurturing our unique passions, or "red threads," and encourage listeners to bring their suppressed selves into the spotlight. Plus, learn about the conqueror and conquered mindset, all while I humorously share my evolving understanding of podcast hosting.
Taking a fresh look at self-expression and connection, we explore what it truly means to create a podcast versus a traditional broadcast. I open up about my journey of not just identifying as a podcaster but as the creative director of my own life, giving voice to different inner parts and embracing nonlinear storytelling. Discover the significance of staying true to one's creative flow and the transformative power of radical honesty. Revisit childhood dreams of stardom and the innate desire to connect and inspire others through content that might not fit the conventional definition of a podcast. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of embracing all facets of ourselves and what it takes to genuinely express and connect in today's world.
Ever wondered how embracing your hidden self could transform your life? This episode is a deep dive into self-awareness and personal growth, where I share personal anecdotes and insights about connecting deeply with others, eliminating the need for guesswork in understanding their thoughts. We discuss the profound impact negative thinking patterns can have on our energy fields and provide practical strategies to find purpose in pain, allowing us to overcome life's challenges. Reflecting on my own journey, I highlight the importance of recognizing and nurturing our unique passions, or "red threads," and encourage listeners to bring their suppressed selves into the spotlight. Plus, learn about the conqueror and conquered mindset, all while I humorously share my evolving understanding of podcast hosting.
Taking a fresh look at self-expression and connection, we explore what it truly means to create a podcast versus a traditional broadcast. I open up about my journey of not just identifying as a podcaster but as the creative director of my own life, giving voice to different inner parts and embracing nonlinear storytelling. Discover the significance of staying true to one's creative flow and the transformative power of radical honesty. Revisit childhood dreams of stardom and the innate desire to connect and inspire others through content that might not fit the conventional definition of a podcast. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of embracing all facets of ourselves and what it takes to genuinely express and connect in today's world.
Okay, I'm going to really navigate to my heart space for this one. I talked about before how there are parts of us that may have never seen the light of day. We are scared to put them behind the wheel, we are scared to give them the microphone, we are scared to take their photograph. The parts of us that we define as ugly, unworthy, unimportant, invalid. All of these feelings that we have about parts of ourselves that we keep hidden. We keep hidden out of shame, we keep hidden out of guilt. We're consistently, as people, spending time worrying and thinking about what other people are thinking, but rarely connecting with them to find out.
Speaker 1:
Imagine if you didn't have to hypothesize what somebody else was thinking because you were on the same page. So much so that you wouldn't even need to imagine it, so much so that you wouldn't even need to imagine it. You don't need to sit around and wonder what Bob is thinking, because you know Bob. You know Bob and you know what Bob's thinking, so there's no need to ponder it, and what Bob's thinking is not of interest to you, because he is Bob and you are you. You are thinking what you are thinking, bob is thinking what Bob is thinking. What matters most in a connection is how we express ourselves and the actions that we take. So it doesn't really matter what you're thinking, because it's going to show up in other ways. What's occupying your mind space is going to eventually occupy your physical space. We cannot deny or suppress or shoo away the parts of ourselves that we are either ashamed of, scared of or nervous to show.
Speaker 1:
There are countless examples in my life where I have been scared that something was going to happen. Even just spending a little bit of time pondering what would happen if negative thing, negative thing, negative thing, negative thing Spending time doing that changes the energy field in your body and it will keep you from having the positive thing happen, because now your body is patterned to be prepared for the negative thing. It's going to be poised for the negative thing. So what I do to strategize and rationalize in a way that doesn't lead me down a spiral staircase to death is I make sure my pain has a purpose. I make sure my pain has a purpose. So if I'm feeling anxious or nervous and I feel the need, like an itch I can't not scratch, I feel the need to conjure up the worst case scenarios so I can become prepared for them. I do this in a way that allows me to imagine it happening and feeling good on the other side, because remember, that's what podcast is called Consider yourself blessed. So I know, no matter what, I am going to end up, at some point, after a negative thing happened, considering myself blessed for what happened. So, as I always say, what is the quickest way to get there? How quickly can I consider myself blessed?
Speaker 1:
Now, you might not nail the things you don't want to do, so, for example, I was dealing with something today that I didn't want to do, and not only did I not want to do it, but I found it extremely challenging. And in finding it extremely challenging, it made that not wanting to do it stronger, because I was just hitting roadblock after roadblock and my mental capacity and my emotional capacity for it were dwindling because I couldn't do it. And in a way, I felt like that little kid who just slaps the table and just goes I can't do it. And what do we always tell kids when they say I can't do it? When you were younger or when I was younger? I know that that wasn't met with a very productive response. Right when you slam the table and say I can't do it. There's something within me that says I'm not being productive right now, this tantrum that I'm throwing, it's not valid, and somebody taught me that when I was younger, that you shouldn't say words like that. You shouldn't say I can't do it, because of course you can. You just have to try harder. Of course you can. Just do it one more time. Of course you can. And eventually you know. It started to seem like maybe I'm lying, maybe I'm lying to myself, maybe I really can't do it. We do the things we want to do. We do the things we're destined for. We do the things that align with us. In a sense, it can be anything, but it's not going to be anything for you. We have beautiful individual differences.
Speaker 1:
The author of Love and Work calls these our red threads, things that we love within our lives, that we want to do more of, and we find a way to weave hence the thread into everything that we do. I've just been discovering my red threads, and it is difficult to put into words because when you live your life as you every single day, you might not see facets of your being that other people can see. So that's why it's so important to me, when I find somebody fascinating, when I find somebody beautiful, when I find somebody alarming, when I find somebody inspiring, when I find somebody I love that. I want to show them what I am seeing, because sometimes what happens is it activates the part of you that knows you are special, the part of you that has been beckoning to come out to see the light of day, to drive the car. That part of you is waiting Maybe not patiently per se, it might be throwing a little bit of a tantrum, but that part of you is waiting to take center stage. Why don't we let that part of us do that? In a sense, it's fragmentation and it's an embodiment of a conqueror and a conquered mindset. I will hopefully have another video talking about the conqueror and the conquered, or I should say a podcast.
Speaker 1:
Something I want to talk about briefly as an aside is the idea that this is a podcast. I have no fucking idea what a podcast is. I don't know what it means. I don't know what it means. Don't know what it means. I'm lucky I use AI now to generate my descriptions, because I have no idea what I'm saying and I don't see the value. Oh, that's not true. I don't. It's not that I don't see a value in the content that I'm sharing, in the art I'm creating, but I oftentimes don't know how to articulate myself in a way that sells what I am providing, because I'm not business driven, I'm not money driven, I am not in the sense of like a dog being food motivated, I'm not money motivated, I'm connection motivated, and that, unfortunately, has led me to be poor so far. You know, like there are parts of me that long for wealth, there are parts of me that long for wealth and there are parts of me that long for stability, and I want that for myself. Ultimately, I'm still in this mindset right now of wealth is bad. Money and external power are embodiments of things that I don't want, and I'm still working that out. I really am.
Speaker 1:
But one thing that I so, so the biggest thing is a podcast is essentially I don't really know a broadcast of sorts Like so broadcast is a broadcast goes across broadband, I assume, and it's also broad, meaning it reaches many people. So it's a broadcast, but a podcast. What does pod stand for? Podcast? What is a podcast? I'm not sure and, quite frankly, I'm not going to look it up, but the fact that I don't know. The definition of podcast tells you something. I wouldn't necessarily call myself a podcaster, I just don't know what that means. And again, like it's not that I can't figure out what it means, it's just that I don't resonate with the phrase.
Speaker 1:
I'm not a podcaster, I'm a creative director. I'm a creative director of my life. I'm also the actor, I'm also the artist, I'm also the manager, I'm also the assistant. I'm all of these things because that is the metaphor that's worked for me and my parts. I have parts that play a role in my life story that is playing on a stage in my head. That's how I have metaphoricalized my life Now. In the last episode I talked about driving a car and letting your parts drive the car, parts of you that are scared you're going to crash into the side of the road. That's the same thing in my head as allowing a part of me to take center stage, to allow part of me to have a voice. That I have been stifling, and so much in the past six months to a year has changed such that I don't feel as stifled in my, dare I say, throat chakra and I feel more connected. Now I know I can be much more connected.
Speaker 1:
I know that the things that I say in these recordings can seem like jambalaya a little bit. What's jambalaya? I don't really know. It doesn't just sound jumbled. Maybe I should just say jumbled.
Speaker 1:
One of my biggest fears is that the things that I'm saying don't make sense because they're nonlinear. I just sincerely hope that I'm not speaking nonlinear dynamics to a group of algebra students. People who are taking linear algebra are not going to want to hear about nonlinear dynamics and if they are curious about it they might get overwhelmed that they don't understand or they're not able to connect the dots. So I try to connect the dots for you as much as possible, but it takes away from the flow for myself, and so what I've noticed is there's a break in my consciousness when I get self-conscious or insecure. When I get insecure, when I get distracted so they say, when I get lost in my head, it's typically because I think I need to keep an eye on myself or I need to separate from myself or the stream of consciousness that I'm sharing or floating.
Speaker 1:
But I really want to relax into life, I really want to lean back, I really want to take a deep breath and I don't want to feel guilty for that. I don't want to feel gluttonous for that, I don't want to feel shame for that. I really want to feel empowered by the fact that I want to relax into the universe. I want to relax into God, I want to relax into all that is holy, including myself, and take a deep breath and say God, what have you done? You know, don't just bring it, sing it.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I'm just really, really grateful for the opportunity to be able to express myself in a clear and concise fashion that I find pleasurable, and then experience that dimension of art. And then I get to listen to myself back and understand my intention that was flowing through me, because something you have to know is that intentionality isn't something you can put your finger on. It's something that kind of comes after through discussion or reflection. You can have an intention going into something, but as a creative artist, you have an intention when you start the piece, but the intention may change as the journey unfolds, and that's what you see happening in my nonlinear language use, in my nonlinear patterns and in my words. I jump around from topic to topic, for sure, but ultimately they are all connected. It's just connected in a very complex way, so it doesn't feel easy to follow, but that's because it's meant to be, in a sense, a brain exercise.
Speaker 1:
My content is meant to be stimulating, because I want to stimulate people. I want to get people thinking. I want to get people talking because once we start churning the butter, then we can start using it to make our food taste better. Do you know what I'm saying? Right now, we're just doing all this churning and we're not even able to make our food taste better. If you think butter makes food taste better, I don't know. So it feels like really powerful stuff.
Speaker 1:
Really powerful stuff to be able to be radically honest with myself in this way, to admit that the little child within me, the young Lana, she just wanted to be a star. She wanted to be a star, and being a star can look like many different things, but ultimately, ultimately, I wanted to feel like one and I did. As a kid, you know, you play, pretend and I used to pretend. I was like performing to an amphitheater when I was younger. As I got older, I used to sing and I'd look at my reflection in the window. I could imagine that I was performing, that I was being listened to by millions of people. So I am no stranger to imagining that people are going to listen to me talk. However, what makes it different for me and what makes it worthwhile is the potentiality of me to be able to connect with real people. Not just the potential of people, but real people. People I can talk to people, I can converse with people, I can help people, I can inspire people, I can stimulate and, ultimately, how I want you to feel after you listen to my content is stimulated.
Speaker 1:
I just don't think I can consider it a podcast. I mean, I can consider a podcast because but it's just not manufactured in the way that I think a lot of podcasts are. This is a piece of art. This is my art form. This is the way I'm choosing to express myself right now.
Speaker 1:
I'm not sure entirely what phrase works better than podcast. I could say audio journal, but audio diary kind of sounds better. But is that really what this is? I don't know. It's an open question. I don't really feel resonant with the idea of a podcaster. I what this is? I don't know. It's an open question. I don't really feel resonant with the idea of a podcaster. I just feel like I don't know. It feels like what I'm saying has nothing to do with podcasting. It's just whatever I'm saying and I'm recording it in my intimate moments when I'm just with myself and I am at ease, and I am fully awake and fully asleep at the same time, if that makes sense. Okay, so I feel like a babbling brook at this point, meaning I don't really know what I'm saying and I'm hoping that it makes sense.
Speaker 1:
But I feel like I'm getting to the point in my consciousness where I'm tired and it's possible that I will actually lose my train of thought at this point where it's not just a fun little non-linear dynamics equation but it perhaps could lead to chaos, and I would never want to lead anybody into chaos. I only want them to experience their own chaos. I don't want them to experience mine, because chaos is valuable, because we go from order to chaos consistently throughout our lives order to chaos, order to chaos, order to chaos and it's equally as exciting and equally as frightening every time, if not more or less, as you move throughout the different trials and tribulations. That is life, and recognizing that we are empowered beings and the structures and powers that be don't want us to feel that way and I won't stand for it anymore. I just won't. I'm going to lay down. I'm not going to stand for it, I'm only going to lay down because that's not true, but isn't that kind of a fun idea? I just am sick of feeling powerless and I don't know what else to do about it. So this is my rallying cry, if you will. What are we rallying for? What are we crying for? I'm not entirely sure at this time, but maybe you can let me know.
Speaker 1:
All right, listen everyone. I hope you consider yourself blessed today. I know I consider myself blessed for being able to talk and for being able to share and for being able to be technologically savvy enough to post this on the internet, and for everybody who has listened, who has reached out to me, who has said something sweet and kind, and I think one of my favorite comments that I've gotten so far is that quote it feels cool to know somebody who has a podcast, or it feels interesting to know somebody who has a podcast. I want everybody to feel that way when they listen to me. I want everybody to feel like they know me. Whether or not they know me in real life is not really the point. I really want to cultivate connection with people. So if you resonate with what I'm saying, please reach out to me. Check out the links that I have in my bio of all my social medias and all that good stuff and reach out to me if you feel called.
Speaker 1:
I'm hoping that in the next couple of episodes I will start unveiling a little bit about my relationship with God. I know that some people are curious about it and I've gotten asked some questions about it. I know that some people are curious about it and I've gotten asked some questions about it. I think it might be helpful for me to express some of my perspectives and perceptions and my own personal journey with God and how I've come to know God and how I've come to understand God and how I've come to express God in ways that are palatable, helpful and blessed for me. All right, thank you so much for listening. I hope you have a fabulous evening, wherever you are. It's currently midnight where I am and it's time to go to bed. I'll see you in my next one. Bye.
