E28 with Nico. Balancing Authority and Support: A Leader's Emotional Journey

What happens when a high-achieving C-level entrepreneur feels unsupported by his own team? Imagine being at the pinnacle of your career, running your own business and acting as CEO for another, only to grapple with an overwhelming sense of isolation. 

In this episode of the Everlasting Fulfilment Podcast, host Nico delves into a heartfelt conversation with a successful entrepreneur torn between being a directive leader and a supportive one. His story underscores the often hidden emotional toll of leadership, especially when surrounded by a knowledgeable yet seemingly detached team.

Join us as we peel back the layers of this complex issue, uncovering the paradox of being both admired and resented in a position of power. Nico shares profound insights into the recurring theme of loneliness in leadership roles and offers practical strategies to break free from this isolating cycle. Whether you're climbing the corporate ladder or already leading a team, this episode promises to resonate deeply, offering valuable wisdom on achieving true fulfilment amidst the solitary journey of leadership.

Sponsored by Nico Van de Venne CommV


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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:01

Let me invite you to sit back, drop your jaw, tongue and shoulders, take a deep breath and, if you wish, close your eyes for a moment and feel the beat within. In a few seconds, you just jumped from your head to your heart and felt the beat within, opening up to receive even more value and fulfillment out of your business and life. And today's episode? I'm your host, nico van der Venne, confidant to successful entrepreneurs, ceos and founders striving to achieve everlasting fulfillment. Welcome to the Everlasting Fulfillment Podcast. And today we have a subject ever and never.

Speaker 1: 0:54

I wanted to record this episode because I recently had a conversation with a high achieving, c-level entrepreneur, because he combined two roles he had his own business that he was running and he was a CEO of another company, and in our conversation, it was at some point about the current struggles he was facing and I asked him what's the number one thing that you need, what you need right now, and he took a moment to think about it and then he came up with yeah, what I actually need is some kind of support, support from my team, actions from my team, to be listened to. I would love to get a couple of things going, but I seem to find myself in some kind of position where not everybody is reacting in the way that I want. So, yeah, I would love some more support from my team, and this was specifically in the role of a CEO. So we had an amazing team of people, very knowledgeable experts in each of their own domain, very knowledgeable experts in each of their own domain. But his biggest problem was that he was the guy who had to, you know, design a strategy, who had designed a strategy but didn't get anything forward. So I asked him okay, don't mind if I hope you don't mind my asking, but what's your biggest fear? What's about your current? But what's your biggest fear? What's about your current situation? What's your biggest fear?

Speaker 1: 2:49

And he was saying well, if it goes on like this, I have the feeling that I'm going at this all alone. I'm going to have to do this alone or be a very um directive leader instead of a supporting leader, and I don't know at this point what results this could bring. This could be no results or, even worse, bad results, and the company might, might suffer, uh, in this situation. So I said, okay, that, okay, that's not great. You, the company, on a good track, moving forward on a good track, you know, moving forward.

Speaker 1: 4:10

So I kind of isolated one thing there that came up several times, which was his feeling of being alone, you know, isolated. And this is something that I've noticed in the years that I've gone by in my experience is that a lot of leaders I've noticed in the years that I've gone by in my experience is that a lot of leaders they are are lonely, they are isolated. I don't know if you recognize yourself in this, but I know it's a difficult position to be in. You know we, a lot of people depend on you, they look up to you. They might even look down on you, um, they might even have, you know, resentments because you took up a position that they wanted, um, or there is things that you want to do that they do not agree upon, but you're still the leader, so they have to.

Speaker 1: 4:53

Uh, there's many, many different angles and and stories going on. Um, because you're in a position of leadership. It's not always such a gift. I've seen many people strive towards getting and I've been one of leadership. It's not always such a gift, no-transcript. And I was kind of thinking, like, you know, if I ever get to that position, I will get it, I will get the right stuff, I will feel fulfilled, or if I ever have that team, or if I ever have that amount or so many evers that came up in the past. Um, that came up in the past, um, and basically what I dare to say is ever, is, is a part of never. Um, it's, it's not, not going to happen if you are in that position, because you're gonna see things repeat themselves. These, these stories will repeat themselves unless you find a way to get through the veil of that isolation.

Speaker 1: 6:21

So what else did I ask him is, what did you try in the past? And he said well, I openheartedly communicated with everybody. So I also told them that I was unsure if we had to take that direction or really honestly saying a couple of things that might be vulnerable, you know, you might be putting yourself out there and okay, stuff out there and um, okay. So next, what I asked was after trying that, what, what did you hate most? That happened then? And he said um, in all honesty, the effect that people were um, using what I said against me, and that's a deal breaker right there. Um, it's a pity to say this, but there's a lot of leaders who are open-hearted and and that's a very you know that's a good thing. That's something that we should embrace as part of the team.

Speaker 1: 7:28

If a leader says I have a very bad day today and I will need your help to get through this, if you're a great team and if you have trust in that team, well, basically not really trust, but if you know that whatever you do in a positive way will bring the company forward, do in a positive way will bring the company forward and in any case, the company moves forward, you yourself move forward and you get advantages there as well. So why wouldn't you just say okay, you got a bad day. You are the person that I report to. What can I do to help you? You know, in the past I've heard a lot of people say you know, whenever we get a new boss, whenever we get a new, that word ever comes back and I've noticed that it's never good enough, it's never what you want, it's never going to be the pink glasses on beautiful sunny sky, et cetera. No, you're going to have to compensate or be open to assisting somebody that you might not even like.

Speaker 1: 8:44

But what's the point here? The point is that you want to move forward and, as the leader, if you come into the situation where you're, you're, you know, ending up in an isolated area and the symptoms are clear, you know you get you don't get misinformation, but you just get right enough information. You just, you know, give they give you the tip of the iceberg, or information comes in a little bit later, or you're not joined in on certain conversations, so there's a lot of symptoms out there that can give you the idea of something's wrong. That's the point where you need somebody who you can trust and you can talk to to get you through that, because you shouldn't be alone. You shouldn't be alone in this story and if it's not from your subordinates or the teams that you're working with or the board of directors or anything like that, you should have somebody that you can give a call or send an email and give them a rant or whatever of what's going on, and who asks you a couple of questions. That gets you through this, who gives you another perspective or who might be able to tell you off.

Speaker 1: 10:06

Sometimes we don't even know what kind of jerks we are. We don't even know what kind of jerks we are. I know for myself. At some point somebody actually told me that when I'm saying something that I'm not sure about and I still do it, by the way, you might even notice it on this podcast sometimes is I start laughing. So I say what I think and I start laughing, or I make a joke right after that. Somebody told me that to the face and it gave me a very clear perspective of wow, yeah, that's kind of a coping mechanism, that's kind of a protection layer that comes up to avoid the reaction on the other side, from the other person.

Speaker 1: 10:48

So, yeah, there's a lot of things that can aid you in moving on from that isolated feeling or situations where you don't get enough collaboration from your team or you have a fear of opening up in your team or with whomever is around you, because we have to be honest that when you're in a leadership position, there are a lot of people around you who have an agenda, and it might not be an agenda that might affect you in the future or whatever, but in some way you are involved. You are involved and at a certain time or after a certain while, you get. You get very what do you call it? Not scared, no, it's the word um you get very apprehensive or suspicious of everybody else. And one thing that I've learned is because I love the journey more than the destination.

Speaker 1: 12:00

There is a lot of um, a lot less agenda in what I do, um, at this point, I am in an environment that's, that's I demanding. There's a lot of stuff going on a lot of political stuff, a lot of financial stuff, a lot of changes, people leaving coming going um, a lot of questions that come up for the future. And one thing that I know is if I can be that one stable pillar in the environment who supplies answers to the questions, searches for the answers, searches for answers for the people that have the questions within my team or who feel uncertain or who get shouted at sometimes because it's a supporting department, so we sometimes get angry calls or angry emails. I have to be that one leader that is there to support them and nobody should feel alone.

Speaker 1: 13:09

And, of course, at some point you need somebody to trust and talk to, and that's one of the reasons why I started my services as a confidant, because I know how many people are out there who are struggling to to get um their story uh, on the table just to have a chat about it, because when you talk about something. This is a beautiful effect. But when you talk about and you probably have you've noticed this in the past when you talk to a friend about something and it's been in your head for a while, and then suddenly you talk about it, you get, you get images of, or ideas, or epiphanies or or things that come up and you say, damn right, I need to do something with this. And you hold that really close by and you just, you know, tackle it and and use it, and then, and then you get pushed through, push through the barriers. So, yeah, if you're, if you see yourself or hear you say, if I ever, or whenever we, or if we ever, if you hear that, keep in mind that you're saying never and swap that over to when I, when I take X, y, z, you make it as if it is a definite and it is being done, and that changes your perspective completely.

Speaker 1: 14:43

So that's what I told the guy I was talking to, because I asked these questions and they were. They were pretty, pretty spot on, apparently. Um, and after the last question, uh, so, um, after trying all this, what, what did you hate the most? I asked him so what would you or who would you be if nobody took advantage of you being so open and you'd get a second chance? He'd say, well, I think I'd try it again, but just in a different context or with different people. And that's when I said, yeah, that's why you're talking to me. And that's when I said, yeah, that's why you're talking to me. And after that, we had a couple of very long conversations, I can assure you. So, yeah, that's what I wanted to give you today. So, if you are a leader who feels this way and who really wants to tackle it and wants to have these deep conversations, I base my services on radical truth, deep conversations and learning to enjoy the journey which helps every CEO, founder and entrepreneur to achieve that everlasting fulfillment, because these are really the pillars that push them forward. So, yeah, that was it for today, for this episode.

Speaker 1: 16:12

Thank you very much for listening. Don't forget to go on the website and check out the ebook. There is something new coming soon. There will be an everlasting letter where you can keep up to date with all the new episodes that come out. We are building it. It is a continuous effort to optimize and learn and give you the most I can give of all the knowledge that I was able to share on the show, but also the knowledge that I've been compiling for the last 25 years in different aspects, from leadership to spirituality, to personal development, to high, achieving all of those beautiful things that can give you a better view of your next day. So remember, jump from head to heart and feel the beat within. Have a good one, everybody. Bye-bye.