E30 Navigating Leadership Loneliness with your host Nico: Embracing Authenticity and Breaking Isolation

Have you ever felt alone at the top despite being surrounded by success and high achievers? Join me as I recount my journey through the hidden struggles of leadership on the Everlasting Fulfillment Podcast. In this eye-opening episode, we tackle the taboo topics of isolation and loneliness that often accompany the roles of CEOs, founders, and entrepreneurs. Despite external success and a fulfilling personal life, the relentless drive for professional growth left me disconnected and unfulfilled. Through candid reflections and heartfelt conversations with fellow coaches and mastermind groups, we shed light on the importance of acknowledging these feelings and breaking free from the shame surrounding them.

Hear firsthand how wearing a mask and constantly striving for more led to painful periods of isolation, even when my career flourished. This raw and honest discussion is not just about my story but aims to offer solace and understanding to those experiencing similar struggles. By confronting these emotional challenges head-on, we can embrace our true selves and find genuine happiness alongside professional success. Tune in to discover how to navigate the complexities of leadership with authenticity and fulfilment. It's time to move beyond the facade and connect with what truly matters.

Transcript

Nico: 0:09

Let me invite you to sit back, drop your jaw, tongue and shoulders, take a deep breath and, if you wish, close your eyes for a moment and feel the beat within. In a few seconds, you just jumped from your head to your heart and felt the beat within opening up to receive even more value and fulfillment out of your business and life. And today's episode? I'm your host, nico van de Venne, confidant to successful CEOs, founders and entrepreneurs who are striving to achieve everlasting fulfillment. Welcome to the Everlasting Fulfillment Podcast with today's subject isolation and loneliness.

Nico: 1:01

So, in the recent conversations that I've had with coaches and a mastermind, it came to light that in these last months, maybe years, I have come to a point where I realized that isolation is a subject that is very close to my heart, in essence, as well as loneliness. Now let me be clear that it is not about loneliness or isolation from a partner or from an environment of friends and people who are with you. It is isolation and loneliness in the leadership role and as an entrepreneur. In this episode, I'm going to open up a world that has been hidden for many years, because I feel that there are many people out there, many leaders who are very successful and who are too ashamed like I've been for a while to talk about these things, and it's about time that we start to open up about this subject, because it's an old cliche that is used sometimes it's lonely at the top, but what exactly does that mean? And in my experience and I've been ashamed about it, I must say is that I have the unbelievable luck of being successful throughout my whole career. Now let me be very clear being successful does not mean being happy. I have struggled my whole life with achieving more. Every single time I made a step in life, it was to achieve more. In life, it was to achieve more, and this is specifically when it came down to becoming manager or leader or owner of a company or leader within a bigger organization at higher levels, with high achievers surrounding me. It's something that I've been struggling with a very, very long time, and it's also the cause of two very painful periods, a third one that was a little bit less painful because I broke through the whole story and started a new life.

Nico: 4:03

So the first thing that I must say is that for a long time, I was wearing a mask. I was not the person that I am truly, and a big part of that is that I did not enjoy anything. Basically, I was just running the rat race and moving forward and trying to get more and more and more so. At the time I didn't even realize what was going on. I was just doing and building and growing and rising in the ranks by either swapping jobs or taking on things that nobody else wanted to do, so I could make the promotion, and I've always been very ethical in what I did. I must say that first. It's not that I, as we say in Dutch, I walked over the corpses. I did not intentionally or clearly hurt anybody along the way. I just wanted to move forward, and people who did not I tried to pull with me nonetheless. But if they did not, well, yeah, they were left behind.

Nico: 5:31

So what this story is coming down to is that eventually I started to realize how lonely it was. I was the one always moving forward, but I had no entourage who understood what I was doing, and in the end, I started becoming and feeling ashamed of what was going on, because I was successful, I grew and I moved on and I rised the ranks, but I was never happy. But I was never happy, and that gave another layer on top of the shame of being successful was that I was never happy. Even though I was successful, I wasn't happy. I was happy in my private life because I have an amazing partner, I've got great kids, we have everything we need and more, but I never enjoyed the journey that was my job, even though that was something that had an impact on the world recent years.

Nico: 6:41

One of the reasons why I have become a coach or mentor or, at this point, a confidant, is that I realized that there are many more people out there, many more leaders, high achievers, who also feel ashamed, who also do not want to come out with this story. And don't get me wrong, it's not easy. It is very personal. What I'm telling you now is very personal as well, but I've come to a point where I've realized that my individual issues are not strong or heavy enough strong is a wrong word are not the reason to stop me from coming out with this and making others realize that there is help out there, and there are people like myself out there who who are able to help you um, get rid is not the operative word but to help you get through and accept and move on from the shame, from the loneliness.

Nico: 8:06

I've come to a point where I've been, I started feeling I don't know more. Related to myself that's the best description. I think I've become my own best friend, even though sometimes I can kick myself in the butt and be annoyed with myself. But nonetheless, I have become a lot more friendly with myself and I've become a lot more loving with myself in the past years, going through all these processes from isolation to actually, you know, making your best friend, and one of the things that I realized is nobody's coming. That was one of the heavy things that I learned as a leader was nobody's coming. Nobody's going to aid me in this work. There are plenty of people who have expertise in the day-to-day job and there are good psychologists and psychiatrists and coaches and mentors, et cetera for other things, but when it comes down to really doing the internal work, I was the one who needed to come out and ask for help and I got help. I got a lot of help from people around me. I got help from people that don't even know me, by listening to their stories, listening to how they use techniques and hypnosis, for instance, and Ho'oponopono, for instance, and all these beautiful things that you start to learn when you walk the path of coming out and reaching out for help and looking for help, and that's something that I would really love to make a lot more people realize that you're not alone.

Nico: 10:13

You might feel alone and you might think that you need to do everything on your own, like I said in the beginning, but it's not necessary. It really isn't. With a lot of love and experience and making it very personal and for lack of a better word, confidential, silent, and for lack of a better word, confidential, silent purely one-on-one, very trustworthy, because this is about trust. This is really about one word, about trust between yourself and yourself and yourself and the help you get, and if that is not there, it's one of the biggest building blocks that causes you from going from being super successful but being unhappy, feeling alone and feeling other things as well. But it's so important that you tackle this. You don't have to walk around with this alone and not do anything about it because you're ashamed. No, it's not necessary. There's a lot of possibilities out there and I am one of them. You can contact me. We can look at how we can work together. But, most importantly, what I find is please, please, do something about it. Don't get stuck in a rut and keep on digging a hole because, honestly, in this story, if you don't do anything about it, it ends bad.

Nico: 12:26

It is a walk through depression and fear. Fear is depression, depression is fear. Your self-image, your self-worth it all has, it's all impacted, and can you imagine what the effect would be if those were those things self-worth and your self-image so many things are aligned with a beautiful thing that is self-love. When you become that powerful person who knows exactly how you feel, who you are, what you want, you feel confident with yourself, you feel loving with yourself, what the effect would be? You wouldn't only be successful, you would be successful and happy and fulfilled.

Nico: 13:28

That is, to my mind, there's three things that are so important in this journey and and I've compiled them into the beyond success strategy and those three pillars are radical truth, deep connection, deep communication and enjoying the journey. Those are the three things that are so important that can bring you forward, important that can bring you forward. Like I said, with a deep connection, I also mean deep trust. With that connection, with that deep communication, radical truth automatically comes out of that, because if you trust the person that you're talking to, you're able to say what's on your mind and what emotions are going through you, and that's immensely important because, from the moment that you become truthful with yourself and loving with yourself, your life becomes completely different, I can assure you different. I can assure you.

Nico: 14:44

Each morning, I get up and I get the feeling that I have something beautiful to add to the world. And it's challenging to find people who want to go through the process, through the steps, because this is not easy. No, it's not easy is not easy. No, it's not easy. But once you go on the other side and you've gone through it, man, your life is so much better. You're probably standing in front of a mountain that you think you can't climb or go over, or a humongous wall, but beauty is on the other side, I can assure you, and it's amazing. It really is amazing.

Nico: 15:30

So, if you resonate in any way with what I'm telling you right now, just go to something where you can connect with me website linkedin, wherever and and let's have a talk. It doesn't have to be about how, how I can be of assistance or how we can work together. It doesn't have to be this. The most important thing is is that you take up this, make a move, just make a move, and do not stay where you are. Really, it's not worth it. It's so much more beautiful on the other side. It's so much more, just more on the other side, I can assure you, and I would love to spend time with you and talk about it. I would really love to spend time with you and talk about it. I would really love to spend time with you and talk about it, or even just listen to your story. Just listen, because that's what I want to leave as my legacy to the world, and I've had impact on high-achieving leaders, on CEO founders or entrepreneurs who've had it difficult in their story, in their life, because of shame and uncertainty.

Nico: 16:59

If you feel better, you will automatically make your company better. You will automatically make your team better. You will automatically have an effect on your family, people close to you, because really they are suffering as well. You might not see it In their own subliminal way. They are suffering as well and if you become better, they will feel better. This is a chain reaction, it's a snowball effect. That is so amazing. I have a beautiful family, I have a wonderful partner and since last year, we've become so close with each other because I've done this breakthrough work and I cannot imagine a day without her. Because we are so close, because I love myself, she's learned to love herself as well, and we're both working on our own business. We are talking about a lot of stuff openly, honestly, and we are making breakthroughs every single day by doing this, and our success is even growing further. So really, take the time, just take the time, really do it right now. That's the message I want to give to you today, and I really hope that some of you take action. If it's not me, it's somebody else, but at least take action. I love you. Grateful for you, really grateful that you listened to this podcast till the end. Thank you, bye-bye.

Nico: 19:05

Let me leave you with a few questions to answer in the comments. How do you see the different topics we discussed during this interview? What are your thoughts? What stood out for you? Let us know in the comments or just send us your feedback. We launch new episodes weekly. Don't miss any by ensuring you are subscribed to the show. Click the follow button now. We depend on the organic growth of the podcast to inspire more and more people. So, by giving us a five-star review and sharing this episode with at least one of your friends who might be interested in the subject, you will significantly help more people become inspired. But more than anything, I am grateful to you for taking the time to listen to the show. Grateful to you for taking the time to listen to the show. If you're also a successful CEO, founder or entrepreneur who has inspiring words to say, feel free to contact us for an interview at contact at nicovandvenacom. Thank you for listening. We will see you again soon with more inspirational conversations on achieving everlasting fulfillment.