Hi, everyone and welcome to the Fake Love and Flying Monkeys podcast. My name is Nova Gibson and I am your host. My area of expertise is in supporting victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse and other toxic relationships. I'm the principal counselor at Brighter Outlook Narcissistic Abuse Counselling Service, and I'm also the author of Fake Love, understanding, and healing from Narcissistic Abuse. In this podcast, we are going to be talking about everything from the initial pink cloud you find yourself on at the start through to the horrific discard and the power trauma bomb that keeps you hooked. So take your imaginary seat on the roller coaster that is narcissistic abuse. And don't forget to subscribe to this podcast so you never miss an episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. [...2.2s] Welcome to the very first full length episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. Okay, I thought what better topic to have for the first episode than what is a narcissist? Now most of you will know that this word is thrown around. It's become a buzzword. And the unfortunate thing about that for victims especially is that it minimizes your trauma. People are [...0.6s] referring to someone who has [...1.1s] wronged them in some way, someone who they might just deem as a bit of an [...0.7s] asshole, as a narcissist, someone who's, uh, unpleasant, a bit selfish, occasionally. Uh, they're throwing that word out. It's a buzzword. And what that means is that when victims of a true narcissist go to talk about their experience, they are undermined. Uh. They kind of gaslighted, just like, uh, their abuse of the true narcissist did to them. Now one thing that I hear a lot, uh, from my beautiful clients in my practice is that, uh, because it's become a buzzword when they go to talk about their abuse, and they use that word. They've done their research, they've, uh, looked at video after video, they've read so many case studies, and they've looked at those nine, uh, defining criteria in the DSM5, and, and their abuser has met at least five of those criteria, so they know this stuff and they are using that word in the correct way. And because it's become a buzzword, people who do not understand the true word, the true meaning of the word, I should say believe that, uh, their, their calling everyone a narcissist. When you go to talk about it, it's like, oh gosh, you, you think everyone's [...0.6s] a narcissist simply because you're picking up on, on red flags. And of course, because you've been abused by one. It's front and centre of your mind, and of course, because you want to create awareness. Now that, you know, you've had your light bulb moment. You wanna stand on the top of a mountain and tell people about it. So people have to, don't have to go through what you went through. And you'll find that some people that you try to talk about with, uh, around your abuse, and around your newfound knowledge of, of what a narcissist is, will sometimes be very smart that very sarcastic with answers, like um, oh, okay, because I was angry at someone the other day, or I, I walk ahead of someone that makes me a narcissist. Right, and it's those people that you find out that you shouldn't be talking to about your abuse, because, uh, their naivety, their, their ignorance, uh, is making them, uh, minimize your abuse, and, uh, doing exactly the same thing that your abuser did to you by gaslighting you out of your reality. So, yeah, you've got to find the right people to talk to, someone who understands what you have been through, uh, and will, uh, empathize with your experience. Okay, so getting back to what is a narcissist. Okay, so [...0.8s] a narcissist in a nutshell is someone who has an inflatant [...0.8s] sense of self importance, they feels [...0.6s] special, they feel better than everybody else. They have an excessive need for attention and admiration, and they also [...0.7s] lack the capacity to care about the feelings of other people. In other words, they lack empathy. Now [...0.9s] empathy is a quality that we, we take for granted in people. We just assume that other people we meet in life are going to possess empathy. So [...0.6s] it's such a shock for, for victims when the narcissist engages in the cruel and intentional behaviors that they do. Because, uh, they lack that empathy. It it's, it's just impossible nearly to wrap your mind around the cruel behaviors they engage in. Uh, but essentially, what you've got to remember is that you have an adult who has a normal IQ, sometimes a very high [...0.8s] IQ in an adult's body who lacks empathy. So basically, they have, uh, a normal to high IQ, but they had the emotional intelligence of a, a very young child, a toddler, where it's all, me me me me, me, I want what I want now. And, uh, there's no, you know, thought about anybody else except, uh, having their own needs met now. That's what you've got now. That's a scary [...0.6s] thing. And, uh, the fact that they do have a normal to high, uh, intelligence IQ means that they know right from wrong. So [...1.0s] they lack empathy, uh, which means they can, they can't put themselves in the shoes of other people. So they don't care because, uh, they can't feel anyone else's pain. They can't they, they just don't care because it doesn't affect them. So [...0.7s] you've, you've got that person who has that a normal IQ, who knows right from wrong, because they have a normal IQ, who can't feel the pain of others. So what they do have is cognitive empathy. And what that means is, uh, they're looking around at everyone else, and what's going on in society, and they're working out what they should do. Okay, so you supposed to cry at funerals when, when you see someone crying in front of you for trying to manipulate them, then, then you give them a cuddle. Uh, if you want, uh, to manipulate someone else again, uh, to get their sympathy, then you cry. You, you [...1.1s] bad out some of those mechanical crocodile tears, because that seems to get [...1.0s] people to feel sorry for you. And they learn what is expected of them in society, so they can be that chameleon and fit into their surroundings. Um, there's a little saying that we use in narcissistic abuse recovery, which is the, the narcissist. The only thing they change is victims and masks. So [...0.7s] the mask essentially being who they're pretending to be at any given time to manipulate the person they are with. So [...0.6s] once again getting back to the fact that they don't possess this empathy and, and their intelligent means that they can engage in, in just horrific behaviours [...0.6s] to make their own needs, and to [...0.9s] use and abuse other people to meet their needs. Okay, so [...0.9s] a narcissist, uh, if you're looking at, at criteria, uh, most people will find the, the non criteria online. That's listed in, uh, the DSM5, uh, which is, kinda, like the psychological, uh, bible. I, I don't think it's actually used that much, but it's considered to be, uh, the psychological bible. Now, [...0.8s] uh, those 9 traits, uh, just I guess to, to make them very short for, uh, they possess a massive sense of entitlement, they had a sense of superiority, they're better and they're special, the story, they're better than everyone else. Uh, they [...0.9s] engage in exploitative behaviors. They exploit others for their own gain, and they have no qualms enjoying this because they have no empathy, they've got a grandiose view of themselves. Uh, they had visions of grandure that they are going to be rich and, and powerful, and that everyone's going to worship them. Um, they [...0.8s] see themselves as, uh, special, and in that quest to be considered special and better than everyone else, they must [...0.6s] be [...0.9s] getting the attention and admiration of others on a continual [...0.7s] basis. They require admiration and tension to, uh, support their ego. Uh, that mask that they wear, which says I'm better than everyone else. That's the personality that they are showing you, that is who they are pretending to be. And that mask [...0.7s] is the [...0.8s] new personality that becomes who they are, which [...1.0s] covers, uh, I guess you could say the, the vulnerable true self, that weak and wounded true self that they buried, uh, a long time ago. Now if your [...1.2s] diagnosing, and, and what I mean by that is if, if you're doing your research and, and you have discovered those, those nine traits and, and the person who is confusing and abusing you is taking all the boxes online. Uh, then you will probably have read that you only have to meet five of those nine criteria in the DSM to be diagnosed as someone who has NPD. Now I think [...0.6s] we need to really talk about the fact that those nine criteria. You would think that, you know, that would be [...0.7s] enough for victims to, kind of, base their own diagnosis on. Given that [...0.7s] narcissists are rarely diagnosed unless they're in a courtroom setting. The simple reason for that being that they don't think there's anything wrong with themselves, so they're not going to put their hand up in the air for research and go. Yeah, I think I'm a narcissist, um, I wouldn't mind being part of your study, or they're not going to walk into a therapist's office and, and go look. I I, I think I might be a narcissistic. And it's really impacting negatively on my knife, on my life and I, and the lives of the people I love. And I really need help with my narcissism. I can just see the smile on some of your faces as I say that right now. Because you will know that they never think the problem is with them. So the last thing they're gonna do is walk into a therapist's office, uh, to be, uh, fixed. Because they don't think there's anything wrong with them, with themselves. So [...1.5s] in [...0.8s] your knowledge of and your research, you become the expert in your trauma. Now is the time to trust your instincts. You've been gaslighted out of your reality by the narcissist for so long, and now you have to trust your instincts, because it's very unlikely that you're ever going to get a diagnosis for that [...0.8s] reason or those reasons I just spoke about. So you've got to also think the stats that we see online that says something like, you know uh, between point five. Uh, what is that point five and 1%, I think of the population, uh, is, uh, [...1.2s] been diagnosed with NPD. Uh, if, if those are the stats that we have that got to be wildly inaccurate, because of those facts that I mentioned early. Narcissist are not going to get diagnosed most of the time. And I believe that it's a pandemic that we have at the moment. Uh, and the, the damage and the destruction that filters out to everyone else, um, is just, [...0.6s] uh, incredible. It, it's prolific. Um, and [...0.8s] the only people that find themselves in therapy, [...0.7s] uh, everyone around the narcissist, so the person, I think it's the only disorder where the person who actually has the disorder. It's not the one that's negatively impacted by it. It's everyone around the narcissist who finds themselves in therapy, except for the person who should be in therapy. Now the reason I wanted to talk about the fact that, uh, they don't get diagnosed. And, and explain that you only have to meet five of those criteria is because when you do your research, so many my beautiful clients are hesitant in diagnosing their partner, because, you know that they're not a doctor. And, you know, that's, that's what makes you exactly the opposite, um, of a narcissist who would, uh, [...0.8s] feel disrespected if, if everyone else didn't just believe what they said, because they said it. So [...0.9s] once again, you have to trust your instincts. You've done your research. You found that they've ticked all of those boxes. And [...0.6s] in the end, [...0.7s] the, the word narcissist or, uh, the personality disorder as it's defined. Narcissistic personality disorder, NPD is just a label. A label is something that we give to a set of traits or a set of symptoms, so that we know how to treat those symptoms or treat that person with those traits that are impacting on their lives. It's just a label, so [...0.8s] if you are not confident even though you've got all of that research in front of you, and you're unlikely to get a diagnosis from a professional. If you're still not confident in labeling your abuser as a narcissist, then label them as toxic, someone that [...1.3s] makes you feel insecure and confuses you all the time with words that are so far removed from their actions. [...1.3s] Label them as toxic. Now [...1.6s] people who come to see me in, in my practice. My, my beautiful clients are [...1.4s] sometimes I find, um, wanting to find some reason that they're not [...0.6s] a narcissist. Because in their research, they've read that narcissist can't change, they don't wanna change, they don't think there's anything wrong with themselves, and they're, they're coming up with all of these, uh, I guess situations and, and behaviours and circumstances that make their loved one or their partner [...0.7s] are [...0.9s] different from, from what they've read. Even though, you know, they ticked all those other boxes. Um, [...0.6s] now I find when we, when we tell deeper that, the reason that they are, you're bringing up all these, these things that seem to be [...0.8s] a little bit different, not matching up, uh, to, you know, what other people and their abuses have done is because they are searching for a reason to keep that toxic person, the narcissist in their life because of, uh, the wearing down of their [...0.7s] boundaries, uh, the dependence that the narcissist has created for that victim on the narcissist. And of course, um, because of a, uh, thing that we're going to talk a lot about in future episodes, which is that very, very powerful trauma bond. And so [...1.2s] victims who are [...0.9s] addicted trauma bonded to their abuser. Uh, it's scary to think of never having that person in their life again. Uh like like any addiction. It, it's a scary thing to never have that feeling of being on that roller coaster anymore, of having those polarized highs and lows, which is become your normal. And essentially, they're looking for reasons for them not to be a narcissist. Why? Because that means they might be able to change. So we're going to be delving a lot more into that, um, guys, in, in future episodes. Uh, but I guess what I'm saying now is that I want you to trust your instincts. You've been conditioned by the very person [...0.6s] who wants you to not trust yourself. You've been conditioned by them. And the reason I don't want you to trust yourself is so that you are easily to [...0.6s] sorry, more easy to abuse and confuse, uh, in other words, to manipulate. So, um yeah, trust your instincts. Now is the time, uh, to trust what your, uh, what is making sense, and to, uh, override that little niggly voice in your head, which is your abuser still taking up space that says, no no, no, look, look, they were nice this day, or, you know, they they they, [...0.7s] uh, bought you some, uh, tissues and gave you a cup of coffee the other day. That can't be the narcissist. Ignore [...0.8s] those little niggly thoughts and trust your instincts. Now one thing that I hear from all my followers, and, um, of course my clients, uh, is that they have real trouble blaming their [...0.6s] abuse to loved ones, to others, and the people that really needing support from, because of the fact that it's become the word narcissist and overused buzzword. So [...0.7s] I say to my clients quite a lot, you know, you, you're welcome to have your, your mum and your dad or your best friend or, you know, someone you're, you're trying to, uh, get support from. You're welcome to bring them to a, to a session, so they can, uh, I guess, hear it from a third party. And they can, you know, try and, and put the pieces together, and, um, understand, and what you're going through, and therefore be able to empathize with you. Uh, so guys, I think if you, if that is you, and you're, you know, you're finding that people just don't get it, and you feel like they're, uh you know, gaslighting you out of your reality. And they just, they just [...0.8s] are telling you that, you know, it's not that big a deal, because they just don't get it, then maybe get them to listen to this episode. So, uh, or and, and of course to subscribe to this channel, so they can get are a well round holistic view of what a narcissist is and, and just how they destroy lives. But I guess today is, is mainly, uh, on focused on defining what a narcissist is. Uh, and, uh, they, a narcissist can be anyone. You know, I, I hear a lot from people that they're telling me, oh, can you talk more about the other? And I should, I should talk more about, um, intimate relationships, and we certainly are going to be doing that, uh, in this podcast series. Uh, but a narcissist can be anyone. A narcissist can be an intimate partner, it can be a mother or a father, it can be someone you work with, it can be a boss, and, uh, this happens a lot because narcissist gravitate towards positions of power. So, you know, they're gonna be in all those positions where they can tell people what to do, they can influence people, and they can hire and fire people, and, and just have that power over their lives. They can be your child, they can be a brother or sister or next door neighbour. Uh, the strategies they use, oh, I should add that [...0.9s] a narcissist [...0.8s] can be anyone in terms of, uh, male, female, uh, no matter what crown pronouns you choose to use. Um, gay, uh, and lesbian relationships, uh, anyone, any relationship you can [...0.6s] have a narcissist. One thing that will always be evident in all of those relationships are the same strategies. The, uh, that we will talk about once again later on, um, that narcissist uses. Narcissistic abuse is universal, so the strategies they use are the same from relationship to relationship, uh, no matter who you are and what sort of, you know, relationship you have. Of course, there's going to be slight differences, uh, given, [...0.6s] uh, environmental influences, you know, whether you're male or female, uh, and, and certain others aspects. There's going to be slight variations, but the general principles of narcissistic abuse are universal. So narcissist [...1.0s] can be anyone. And, um yeah, we were going to be talking a lot about how to, I guess, spot a narcissist, uh, later on, and, and how to, uh, [...0.8s] escape the narcissist, no matter who they are. And of course, to heal now. [...1.4s] You will [...0.7s] maybe like a lot of society [...1.0s] think that, you know, a narcissist is someone you can see coming, they're loud and arrogant, and they brag a lot, they look in mirrors and take selfies all the time, so they're really easy to spot. Now that would be what we call an overt narcissist, and, [...1.0s] uh, unfortunately, that is what society deems a narcissist to be. I have found in my practice in talking to thousands of victims and survivors of narcissistic abuse that the majority, at least 70% of the victims I've spoken to describe, uh, [...0.8s] traits and behaviours of covert narcissist. Now [...0.6s] this is [...0.9s] why they were able to infiltrate your lives so easily. You didn't see them coming. You were probably like everyone else and thought, well, they can't be a narcissist. You know, they, they're actually quite shy and anxious and, and an introverted even. This is a covert narcissist, and their abusive behaviors take place behind closed doors, and everyone else just sees the nice, sometimes very charismatic person, uh, on the other side of your closed front door. So [...0.7s] a covert narcissist can be shy and anxious, so they're the last person you would think will be abusive. So they will use behaviours, uh, to abuse you, like, like the silent treatment. And it doesn't mean that overt narcissist don't use these behaviours well as well. But the the, oh the covert narcissist is going to, um, mainly, uh, engaging passive aggressive behaviours, which are just as [...0.6s] destructive and devastating behaviours, uh, based on, um, [...0.8s] saying things to you, like you know, I I'm, I'm a victim. All these horrible things have happened in my life, and getting you to feel sorry for them playing the victim. They pull out the victim card, so that when they do engage in these toxic behaviours, you, [...0.6s] you feel sorry for them. And you think, well, that's why they're doing it, because they were abused. And it gets their victim to, uh, tolerate the abuse in higher and higher levels, thinking that this person doesn't really know what they're doing. And, and it's only because, you know, they were abused. They just need a little understanding and at to change. Now let me make it clear [...0.7s] that most people wouldn't dream of abusing anyone else if they've been abused in the past. They wouldn't want anyone else to experience that kind of hurt and pain. That narcissist uses it as an excuse to abuse you. Uh, [...0.6s] who knows that, that trauma, if it's true in their past may have resulted in, um, them developing, uh, a personality disorder, but [...0.6s] it doesn't stop that. The fact that their abuse is intentional because they can switch it on and off like a tap, depending who's watching. Their inability to have empathy anymore is not an excuse to abuse. But if you [...0.8s] feel sorry for them, and if you think they can change, then you are going to be the next victim or continue to be their victim, because they are intentionally using your empathy as a weapon against you. So that's the difference between a covert and an overt narcissist. One [...0.8s] is they use more passive aggressive, um uh, behaviors to abuse you. And the overt narcissist is, is out there. It's what society actually, or most of society believes a narcissist is. And this is [...0.8s] another reason, the fact that I believe most narcissists are covid. It's another reason that it's so hard for you as a victim to get support, uh, because everyone else only sees the nice person, uh, the person wearing the mask, then the person the narcissist is pretending to be. And because they think they're so nice. When you go to talk about your abuse, no one's going to believe you. And, you know this, because the, the Covid narcissist is often out there helping everyone else, um, to support that image of being this amazing person. So it's, it's nearly impossible to get support from people when they've only seen this, this wonderful, uh, selfless giving person. And, uh, also [...1.0s] the narcissist, uh, will be dropping seeds, um, very early on in the relationship. What is something wrong with you? And once again, we're gonna be talking about this in future episodes. The smear campaign, this starts very, very early, and they will be sprinkling seeds that something wrong with you. They're only seeing an amazing person, so it stops you from getting support. Okay, [...0.7s] so [...1.0s] I might start talking guys a bit about what flying monkeys are, hence, uh, the name of this podcast. Okay, so why, why did I choose that title, Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. Well, um, it's quirky, [...0.6s] and I didn't wanna have something that was, you know, kinda, same as everyone else. But the main reason was that it was quirky, but it also [...0.8s] fitted. It was something that with the flying monkeys part especially is something that people think is, uh, who, who've heard of flying monkeys. It's just a small part of, uh, the abuse, uh, of small factor. Uh, that's involved when you're in a relationship, you have a mother or father or anyone else in your life who's a narcissist. But it actually is a huge part, uh, and, and has a huge bearing the flying monkeys on your toxic relationship. So that's the main reason I called the podcast Fake Love and flying monkeys. And of course Fake Love is the name of my book. And, um yeah, all the details for my book, guys, will be, uh, at the, uh, end of each podcast, and, um, you can look for it there, but getting back to flying monkeys. Okay, so if you've got a narcissist in your life, then you have their flying monkeys. Okay, so [...0.7s] who and what are flying monkeys? Okay, so for those of you who [...0.7s] that term is new for [...1.2s] a flying monkey, well, let me tell you where the term comes from. The term is coined from The Wizard of Oz, one of my favorite movies of all time. Oh my goodness, how many times did I see that movie? Um, the, if you remember in the movie, the, those ugly little, um, monkeys that the nasty old Wicked Witch of the west would dispatch when she, uh, needed her dirty work done. Uh you know, she would send them out all the time to try and capture Dorothy and her beautiful little dog, Toto. Because that's where the term comes from. So a flying monkey is someone that the narcissist dispatches when they don't want to get their hands dirty. You could say that everyone you believe is a friend of the narcissist. Narcissist don't have friends. They have followers, and they have butt kisses. But all of those people in essence will be what we call a flying monkey, because [...1.2s] they are being used, they are being used, uh, [...0.6s] for impression management, reputation management for the narcissist. And they will be used to create drama. The narcissist will send them out to start a rumour, um, pit people against each other. And the narcissist, we'll just stand back, watching it all unfold. They will send their flying monkeys out, perhaps when [...0.6s] you're trying to go no contact from them. And the flying monkey may, uh, rock up at your doorstep, saying, oh, they miss you so much. They really wanna see you, they're sorry now. Or it, it might be, you know, that if you're trying to go no contact from a narcissistic [...0.6s] parent, it might be another family member who says you can't go no contact with your mother, you, [...0.6s] your mother loves you. When look at all they've done for you, and make you feel bad. Um, bring all those feelings of guilt and obligation and shame to surface. So [...1.1s] whatever, uh, they're doing, they're sent out to do the narcissist, uh, dirty work, and they are just as disposable as anyone else. They don't please the narcissist, the narcissist gets rid of them, because they don't have any emotional attachment to anyone. So [...0.7s] you will have flying monkeys, uh, in your life. If you are in a relationship with the narcissist, they will be, uh, everywhere. You'll be surrounded by them if you're always with the narcissist. And a flying monkey has no qualms in, uh, destroying an innocent victim [...0.8s] to support their master. Because if the narcissist has chosen a flying monkey to be in their, uh, their entrust on charge, whatever you say, um, then that's because that person [...0.8s] is easy to manipulate. They can use them, so [...1.0s] that makes that person depended on the narcissist, whatever the reason is for their own distorted gain. They are dependent on the narcissist as well, so they will [...0.7s] ruin lives if, uh, instructed to by the narcissist through things like spreading rumours, and not think twice about it. Because they're there. Boss has, um, instructed them to do it, and told them it's the right thing to do. Now there will be, uh, [...1.2s] two groups of flying monkeys. Uh, and they will be [...0.8s] the innocent flying monkeys, and of course, the toxic flying monkeys, um, who are just as dangerous as the narcissist. Now [...0.6s] the innocent flying monkeys once again, they're still being used by the narcissist to, uh, confuse and abuse you. Uh, whether that's by distorting the perceptions of others or, uh, confusing and abusing you directly. Innocent flying monkeys will be people, like, um uh, perhaps [...0.8s] a counselor. The narcissist [...1.0s] says, we've got to go to counseling together. And [...1.1s] that's because, uh you know, you've got issues, so, uh, I'm going to find a counselor, and I'm gonna take you there, and, and we're gonna fix you. So you go to the counselor, or perhaps it's you that's made the, the appointment, and the narcissist has finally agreed, and are you go to the counselor, and the narcissist manipulates the counselor by flipping the roles of abuser and victim, engaging in what we call Darvo deny attack verse victim and offender, and making you out to be the crazy abusive one. So the, [...1.1s] um, [...0.7s] counselor [...0.6s] gets used, uh, to [...1.4s] extend the abuse. Um, they believe the narcissist because they're so, uh, manipulative. And of course, because you're so abused, and, and frantic perhaps, and, and upset at the narcissist lies, and they see you're very, uh, frantic sometimes [...1.0s] reactions. Then it makes sense that what the narcissist says is true, and then they're asking you to come and see them on your own. So they could use a counselor, or they could use [...1.0s] a friend of yours. Have some mutual friend that will say something like, oh my goodness, you know, I'm so worried about Sophie. Uh you know, she hasn't been herself, and I'm, I'm worried that, you know, she's going to hurt herself. So [...0.8s] your friend thinks the narcissist is concerned about you, so they come over to check on you, and, uh, as does the, the police and the paramedics, because the narcissist has contacted them. They're also innocent flying monkeys saying that you're gonna hurt yourself, and you open the door, having no idea why these people are here, angry, frustrated and raged, even because, uh, you've been set up in the system. Everyone thinks you're crazy, and the narcissist is this nice person who was concerned about you. It's a setup, but it's also an example of the use of innocent, um, flying monkeys. Now the more powerful the narcissist, the more pull, the more clout they have in society, then the more power they're going to have to delegate to their flying monkeys. Uh, so let's say it's a, a movie star, uh, and, or, or politician. And they're trying to, uh, destroy the reputation of, uh, arrival or someone who's wounded their ego in, in some way. Uh, now they will dispatch their flying monkeys, and, uh, giving them vast amounts of resources, uh, to do their job. They will dispatch them to, uh, spread mis, misinformation online, uh, to, you know, perhaps [...0.9s] string together [...1.1s] well edited videos to, to make you the victim look bad, [...1.1s] to just destroy your reputation, uh, by you're spreading these, these vicious rumors that is supported by manufactured evidence online. You know, you end up having a, a trial by [...0.6s] TikTok, and of course, all the dirty work has been done by the narcissist flying monkeys. And the narcissist sits back and go, I didn't know that we're going to do that. You know, that's, that's either [...0.7s] deserve that they should be doing that, or they can hedge their bets with this one by also going. Um, well, you don't know I had no clue that they were going to do that. Whatever that the narcissist says, their motivation is to use someone else to do the job to destroy you. So it can't be put back on them, and they remain innocent [...0.8s] now. The actions of a flying monkey, uh, they, they know no limits when they are dependent on their, uh, master, the narcissist. So [...1.4s] what I always say to my beautiful clients, you know, when they're, they're trying to go no contact from the narcissist, no matter who that narcissist is in their life. That it is always best to go no contact with their flying monkeys. Because anyone [...0.6s] who is what you perceive as a friend of the narcissist is not a friend of yours. Uh, and you're right now when you're trying to heal from this abuse. Uh, your [...0.8s] any, any kind of mutual connection is simply going to be, um, someone who's been manipulated by the narcissist and believes them, or they wouldn't be with the narcissist. And the narcissist is so manipulative. They basically have a PhD in manipulation. They're going to convince their flying monkeys that, uh, everything you get is deserved. So yes, guys, if you've got, um, mutual connections, um, [...0.7s] please, please block them, go no contact with them as much as you can, [...0.7s] remembering that they're being manipulated by the narcissist. I know sometimes it's really painful to do that, and you worry about what they, they will think. But the reality is the narcissist is, uh, telling them or conditioning them what to think anyway. And it's nothing good about you, but getting yourself away from everyone that has anything to do with the narcissist is what's going to help you heal. If you're hearing this message, then I wanna give you a big thank you. Because what that means is you listened right through to the end of the very first episode of Fake Love and Flying Monkeys. In today's episode, we answered the question what actually is a narcissist, and who in your life is likely to be a narcissist? We broke that down even further to compare a covert narcissist to an overt narcissist. We also answered the question, what is a flying monkey, and how do they associate with the narcissist, and how do they help the narcissist in their quest to abuse you? So don't forget to subscribe to this podcast and tune in for next week's episode where we will be answering the question, can a narcissist actually love you? You can also get daily top UPS of information by following me on my other social media platforms and of course by purchasing my book, Fake Love, Understanding, and healing from Narcissistic Abuse, which is available worldwide at all good bookstores and of course online at Amazon and Goodreads. On that note, it's buy from me for now. I will drop another episode next week Wednesday morning six am Brisbane time, which will be three PM Tuesday Eastern Standard Time, which will be nine PM Tuesday United Kingdom time. Until then, remember, you are worthy of, of so much love, and you are certainly worthy of a whole lot more than fake love and flying monkeys. [...4.2s]
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